Friday, May 28, 2010

I Got Nuthin'......But This!!!!!

I sat down to write...thinking that I really had something to say today. But as I have sat here and my day has taken all sorts of interesting turns....and it is not even noon yet, I am going to have to go with....I got nuthin'!

Well....maybe that is not true. I was thinking about Memorial Day....and what it means and then I got to thinking about the Pledge of Allegiance. mind was wandering. The other day I had a fellow question whether I even knew what the Pledge of Allegiance meant. Well...yes I do, but from our conversation....I am not sure he did. But in case someone doesn't is the Pledge of Allegiance...with my understanding of it's meaning attached. 

The Pledge of Allegiance

I pledge allegiance to the Flag
(I pledge my heart, my soul, and all that I am....and that I will never turn my back on or deny it, because it is
not just a piece of material....but a symbol of freedom earned with the blood, sweat and tears of those who have served, fought for and died for this country)

Of the United States of America
(a place where we stand together...united in freedom and peace)

and to the republic for which it stands
(a government who receives it's power from the people....NOT the other way around and a government who stands behind the people....not in front of them)

one Nation under God
(one Nation...our Nation...recognizing that God is our higher power)

(shall not be divided)

with liberty and justice for all
(meaning all legal citizens of this country deserve the same rights, respect and personal freedoms granted to them under the Constitution of these United States.)

So what is not to understand?

Well...enough with my ramblings. I must get back to my curvy day, but not without wishing you all a safe and enjoyable Memorial weekend and a request to remember the men and women who have served and died so that we may continue to live in peace and freedom. God Bless You All!

Happy Memorial Weekend!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

In His Mother's Arms

Kind of stuck in the poetry loop. Still bringing over the old stuff.

My words
cause reaction
I say “I love you…
and always will”
His face glows
with a tinge of pink
and his eyes
can only see  the floor
I step close
to touch his chin
He winces
steps back
As if…..
some unseen force
pushes his body….
He nervously
taps his foot
as I force his eyes
upon me.
I gently
pull him close
and feel
his stubbled chin
the smoothness
of my face
a tear falls
upon my cheek
and his head rests….
 on the firmness
of my shoulder
For a moment……
he is….
but a little boy again
Resting safely…..
in his mothers arms.


Wednesday, May 26, 2010

My Poetic Soul

More of my older stuff I thought I would bring over. While poetry is not particularly me definitely can be both cathartic and soul cleansing.


He was there
and I was here
and we talked.
We laughed,
we shared
and most of all...
I remembered.
A long time ago
when I was young,
and he was young
we were together.
He got me and I got him
until it was gone.
I don't know why
can't even really remember when
But he did.
He hurt and I didn't.
Not sure why or even how
it just was no more.
Now he is here
and we talked,
but only for a moment
Then he was gone....
and I hurt and he didn't.
Not sure why or even how
it just was no more.
Was it me? Or maybe him?
Was it time or circumstance?
Could we have been together again?
We will never know.
I just know.....
I lost a friend.

© 2009



You think you know me

and who I am

but I am very sure

you don't

You think my smile

is happiness

when it really

just masks my pain

You think I am strong

but I am not

and the days

they crush me

one by one

You think my words

are clever

but they are

just words

slipping from my mouth

with no particular


You think my tears

are but a myth

and never touch my face

but deep inside

they drown my heart

and flood my very soul

You think that I am

who I show the world

my life an open book

but you don't know

the inner me

the one who hides

so well

You think you know me

and who I am

but I am very sure....

you don't!



Much Better Than Me

I look at his little legs
so small
with the swollen knees
which cross with every
assisted step he takes
I see the smile
always the smile
that ignores life's pains
and welcomes
each new experience
They say his brain
doesn't understand
can't learn like us
and will never be
like yours and mine
But I watch him
laugh at Spongebob
See him
gently pet the dog
Feel his
little arms
hug my neck
And feel his
childish lips
kiss my cheek
I would say
he understands
and he has learned
far more than most
for he grasps
the important things
in life
He knows
how to
laugh and love
and show gentleness
to all living things
So I really think
that makes him
much better than....

©2009 LisaMarie

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Letter

This is a piece I wrote awhile back....but thought I would share here.

A writer I know and who’s work I have come to respect (Amy Wood)….wrote a similar piece as this a few days ago...and bravely placed it for the world to see.  She said it took her 40 years to write it but she finally did it....and I got the feeling that it gave her a sort of peace and relief all at the same time. I felt inwardly challenged to do the same.  So here is mine…almost 47 years in the making. Thanks Amy!

Dear Little Girl in the Pink Dress,
I see you standing there with your brand new white doll carriage. I am not sure why you are going to remember this day and even this year for the rest of your life….but you will. Most don’t remember their second birthday but you will. You will remember your mommy telling you to blow out the two glowing candles on your cake and you will remember the excitement of the doll carriage. You will also remember your babysitter of that year, her foul smell and her ugly boys. You will remember being coerced into eating things that weren’t really food, being stuck in hot water, and sadly……being touched by those ugly boys in ways that no two year old should have to experience. Try to always remember that you did nothing to deserve this and you were never a “bad girl” because it happened.
When you are six, please don’t fight your mother when she wants to brush your long, thick hair. This is only going to cause her frustration and you are going to end up going from having long, beautiful hair….to the ever popular and not so attractive pixie cut. This is going to set you up for a lot of teasing and some very negative feelings about yourself….that will last for years to come.
Six is not going t be a great year for you…so try to take it in stride. On that day when you just can’t hold it anymore…..PLEASE don’t be afraid of the teacher.  Just get up and go to the bathroom….otherwise you are going to be teased mercilessly and that wicked witch of a teacher is going to be the one leading the charge.
Finally that year….try hard to understand that mommy’s and daddy’s fight and it doesn’t matter how good you are or how bad you are….your actions have nothing to do with their problems. Don’t take what is going to be their life time of issues on your little shoulders. They are simply not meant to hold such weighty problems as infidelity and adult immaturity.
When your brother is born, your mom is sick and your dad is gone….don’t take your mothers short temper as a sign you are bad. She really has no intention of sending you to boarding school…she is just sick, tired, and at her wits end. She never signed on to raise two kids on her own.
When you are in jr. high, don’t believe it when your dad tells you “you will never amount to anything.” Believe it or not….in many ways….you are already a better person than he is.
Please don’t fall in love in the 7th grade. That is going to come back to haunt you time and time again….and believe me when I say….it will end badly.
Don’t let your dad play you and your brother against each other. He is setting you up for years of resentment towards each other and causing a rift of distrust that may never be healed.
When you get to take the magical trip to Mexico with the Spanish class…enjoy every second, take in every site, and appreciate every detail for you will most likely never get to go on such a trip again...
When you get to high school…you need to pay close attention. These are actually going to be some of the best years of your life. Cherish the friends you make and especially hug that tall red headed boy as much as possible. He isn’t going to be around forever.
Appreciate every minute you spend with your mom. You will learn as time goes on that you never really learn everything there is to know about her…..and not everyone’s mom stays up all night talking to them whenever teenage crisis’ hit.  Hug her whenever possible and never tire of hearing her tell you she loves you.
In your senior year….think twice before you take that first drink of alcohol. It may loosen you up and make you more social then….but it is going to be the root of many bad choices in the future.
When you are chosen as a sr. prom queen candidate….enjoy it.  Don’t let it be lessened because some boy tells you “they had to choose the girls they did……….because they were at the bottom of the barrel.”
On graduation night….try to keep your emotions under control, because if you don’t….you will drink way beyond your ability to function…and you are going to end up passing out. When you come to…you are going to find yourself in the process of having your innocence stolen while two others watch and then you are going to be dropped off at your house…..humiliated, bruised, and scarred for years to come.
In the late summer before you go to college….don’t let your heart lead. Just because you hear the word’s “I love you,” doesn’t mean you should give in. If you do…it will end badly.
Don’t go to college away from home just because your parents think you should…otherwise you are going to major in partying, carry your secret shame with you, and end up with more issues than before you even left.
When at college….don’t fall for that boy who is so different from all the guys you have ever known. When you find out that you are pregnant and were pregnant when you came to school….you are going to cause problems for both you and him and get caught up in a situation that once again…..does not end well.
Think long and hard before you put that baby up for adoption. She is going to be a regret you never let go of….and when she dies without being adopted and you have to bury her… are going to go through pain you never knew you could feel.
Please don’t go back to college in the summer of ’83. Yes you are in love….but after what you have been through…..regardless of what you two think, it is just never going to work out. By Christmas of ’83 you are going to have your heart broken and you are going to end up back at home.
Please, please when you are out dragging Douglas….don’t talk to the hot guy in the car. This is going to be the start of something that leads to a very dark period in your life. You may just be talking to pure evil.
When he hits you the first time and you actually see stars…, don’t walk to the door. This is not going to be the last time this happens and in the end….you will be lucky to get out with your life.
Cherish the life that comes from this dark time in your life. Don’t let your parents make you feel that you are too stupid and too inept to raise this child. You’re not….you just need a chance.
You are going to have some guys come in and out of your life in the next few years. Don’t discard the good ones and navigate towards the bad ones. You really do deserve a good guy.
When you meet the really hot guy at the bar who looks good and even smells good….be cautious. While you are going to spend the next few years having adventures and having some wonderful times….he is going to have even more issues than you and there will never be a long term future. Enjoy the good times though….and hang on to the happy memories….for he won’t be in this world forever.
That night when you begrudgingly go to the bar… go with your instinct on this unusual guy you meet. He is a keeper!
Live, love and laugh as hard as possible in the next few years. It will be over….way too soon.
When your youngest lies between life and death….draw your strength from the man beside you. Keep your faith….your son will live to bring joy to your life that you never dreamed possible.
On that particular morning….kiss your husband good-bye with all your heart. Tell him you love him and give him that extra hug before you leave. This will be your last time to do this….but he will know he is loved before he takes his last breath.
Take every moment you can on those trips to radiation and chemo with your mom. Talk about her and get to know her. Her life is slipping away and soon you won’t have those special moments anymore. Open your eyes to the truth…..and tell her what she has meant to your life.
When you are left alone with your kids and you are doing it all on your own…..don’t let your heart drop out of you when your 16 year old tells you…”I wish you had died instead of dad,” he is just a mixed up confused child, trying to deal with his loss.
Know that all the nights you stay up worrying where he is, what he is doing, and if you are going to get a call from a hospital, the police, or worse yet the morgue….you and him both survive. You do get a call or two….but again….you DO survive.
In the end….you will survive his teen years, children being sick, children having seizures, your dad still telling you that you will never survive when he is gone or amount to anything, your brother telling you and your kids what a lousy mother you are, health issues, and doing it all on your own.
You will grow, you will forgive, you will learn, and most of all….you will have no regrets…for you will know that each and every one of these experiences….made you who you are today….and you are just pretty okay with that!

Monday, May 24, 2010

Gritchy Monday

Monday! Usually just saying the word evokes a sigh, a mutter, or even in some....a tear. Monday gets such a bad rap. Someone once said...."the only difference between Monday and Friday is the beer." Actually...maybe I said that. At any rate, is that really fair to Monday?

Perhaps in order to give Monday a fair shake we need to put Monday into a different perspective. Maybe we need to look at Monday as the beginning of a brand new week....full of wonder and possibilities instead of the ending of fun and relaxation. We aren't really losing anything when Monday comes fact...we are merely building towards more fun and relaxation. Right?

Okay...I tried. I admit it. Monday's suck! Now all that is to wait for the beer.


Today I am gritchy. I have this distinct desire to snark my way through the day. I have already found myself growling at those around me and even an hour workout did nothing for my less than sunny demeanor. What is wrong you ask? I think it is the weather. It is hot and muggy and the barometric pressure I bet is all over the place.

I can't decide whether I have an actual migraine coming on....or if my head hurts just because of pure meanness. It is just one of those days where you want to thumb your nose at the world and then bitch slap anyone who has the audacity to give you attitude. Because believe me....there is only room for one attitude today....and that is mine.....and boy it ain't pretty!


And since I am in.....lets face it.....a VERY gritchy mood....lets talk Lindsay Lohan. This girl irritates me on my best, she just makes me want to scream...."ARE YOU STUPID?????"  This girl wonders why the judge won't give her leniency and let her go to TX to film a movie. Come on are a train wreck and the judge is probably doing you a favor. At the rate your going....the only real head line you are going to make is: Lindsay Lohan dies from:_________________. You fill in the blank...drugs, alcohol poisoning, or  her own stupidity.

It appears to me that her bad behavior and an unwillingness to act like a professional instead of a spoiled teenager has already killed her career....perhaps she should take note of this and make some changes. Sadly I hold no hope for her.

Guess she will be going the way of  what's her name, and that other what's her name....oh and let us not forget....that other what's her name!


So guys....I guess this is the best you will get from me today. I promise to try and do better.....tomorrow.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Don't Take Debate Just Because a Cute Guy's in Your Class OR Scratching Your Nose With Your Gun Could Cause Death

I am exhausted today....but I did it to myself. I am too old to stay up until 2 a.m. debating....when I need every precious second of beauty  sleep I can grab. That being said....I had a ball debating last night....until the person I was debating took their toys, their posts, and apparently a bad attitude and went to bed. All that debate and when it was all said and looked as if I was debating myself.

A funny story about me and debating. When I was in high school....I took forensics which covered among other things....debate. I sucked at it. No...actually "sucking" would have been too kind of an adjective! Week after week I stood up and made a royal fool out of myself and lived in humiliation that whole year. Why you ask did I put myself through such torture....especially when forensics was an elective? Lets just say....there was this boy....cute, dark, and much more talented at forensics than I. Cute as he was though....another year of forensics was not in the cards for me. The details are I can't remember if I was simply asked NOT to join again....or if my self inflicted humiliation finally got the better of me.

Then many years and many life experiences later, I found debating again. It was in the form of a politically conservative web site.(Yeah...big shock that I am a conservative!!! Get over it....I'm still funny!) Once I learned my way around debate and the etiquette (yes....there actually is a right and wrong way to do it).....then I was off. Many an evening I stayed up way past my bed time debating everything from religion, to politics, to one time I even spent hours debating dog vs. cat.

I learned early on that everyone has an opinion....but in order to better be able to back your opinion up. is NOT personal. If someone doesn't  agree with you....that is okay. Sometimes you just have to agree to disagree.

Debate is one of the greatest learning tools we have and through respectful debate....even if you don't change someones mind on a subject, you might just get them to thinking.  Notice too...that I said respectful debate! All too often, I have seen grown men and women resort to behaviors that would even be frowned on...on a playground. Someone starts taking the debate personally and then out comes the name calling, the offensive remarks, and finally the complete and total breakdown of anything remotely constructive. I often wonder if this is really how these people act when someone disagrees with them or if they are merely acting this way because they have the anonymity of the internet to hide behind. At any has always been my belief that when someone starts the insults and name is a pretty safe bet that they have run out of anything else intelligent to say.

So as I was saying....last night was kind of a treat for me because I really have tried to avoid debate for awhile now. I just wasn't up for having to explain myself fifty times while being called a terrorist, racist or some other "ist" word. But last night two topics caught my eye and  just could not go undebated. The first one was a religious topic where a picture of a baptist church in GA had a sign out front that said: Catholicism will take you to hell! There was no way THAT was going undebated. This little Roman Catholic girl attacked that like St. Michael attacking the devil. It actually was great though and the people who joined in....for the most part, used the debate as a tool for learning and trying to get to know more about the way other religions practice their worship of God. I was very pleased.

The other debate though....didn't turn out quite so well. The topic was abortion...and I landed on that with both feet. It is a hot button with me and a subject I have debated often. About two posts in.....he began calling me a "fascist" and as you can went down hill from there. Before I knew it....he had removed all his posts and "virtually" stomped off in a huff. Apparently it was something I said!


Just when you think you have seen and heard it all.......along comes Kamau Kambon.
As I listened to this man speak, I had to wonder how someone can be filled with such complete hate for another human being...let entire race.

Kambon spoke such atrocious lies about how the white man wants the black man dead and that we are trying to enslave them yet again (or maybe still), that it almost left me speechless. He feels that the black man must rise up against the white man and figure out a way to rid the world of us. RID THE WORLD OF US???? Who thinks like that???

His speech was on CSPAN...but he spoke of "educating" the young 15, 16, 17 year old black youth about the evils of the white man and the need to eradicate them (my word...not his.) The scary thing is....apparently this man is an educator and this is what he is filling young black peoples minds with. Does this man not see what he is doing to these impressionable minds??? He is teaching them to hate and to kill and if he thinks this is going to be directed only at the white man....he is nuts. Hating and killing don't see skin color or race....and once fueled can become an enormous and unstoppable monster which will wipe out everything in its path. The outcome of such thinking will only bring disaster for not only white men but ALL men for when hate takes hold, destruction is never far behind.

Again I can someone hate his fellow human beings so much????


And finally in news too ridiculous to believe......a cop shoots himself in the head while.....wait for it....wait for it..........scratching his nose with his gun!!!!
Apparently in Russia...teaching gun safety to aspiring policemen does not include a lesson in how NOT to use your weapon as a nose scratcher. And to think....this man was hired to protect and serve.

Well folks....this is what is going on in Lisaland and beyond on this beautiful, sunny day in the heart of North America! Here's hoping that you have a wonderful weekend and that your next itch...doesn't end with a boom (yes I went there!)

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Shenanigans, Phelps, and the ACLU....OH MY!!!!!!

"How are you today?" I asked the face in the mirror. "Fine!" I replied. Boy did I miss the mark on that  one. Well....actually I was fine, until I found out more shenanigans my son has been up to. (Shenanigans....I love that word. It makes the unacceptable...sound much more acceptable.) At any rate...when you live within small communities....nothing goes unnoticed and therefore....childrens shenanigans....ALWAYS get back to Mom.

Once again I am pounding my head against the wall and wondering what the answers are to raising a young man whose favorite words are "I am a grown ass man," and then turns around and acts like a 16 year old without a brain cell in his head. Oops....I forgot. He IS a grown ass man and he shouldn't be acting a fool and getting himself into things that he can't get out of. More over that days of raising him are through. That ship sailed years ago as he ran from my home screaming what an adult he was and how I was too stupid to dress myself....let alone give him advice on how to live his life.

Funny though, every time he has  a car repair, a divorce,  a run in with the law, or a problem of any kind....Mom apparently looks pretty good. Then once Mom runs to the rescue....helps to get things fixed...and things start looking up....I am once again the dirt beneath his shoes. I will say however, he is an equal opportunity user....for any family member who is willing and stupid enough to help him gets equally walked on.

Do I sound harsh? I feel harsh...and to be honest....all my anger is not at him. I own a good percent of the blame in his willingness to use I have allowed it. Being Mom, I always want to fix things and make it all okay as if he was still coming to me with skinned elbows and knees. But there comes a time when fixing things doesn't really help any more. Sometimes, we as parents, have to stand back and let those wounds sting and bleed. No help. Now is that time for my son.

We have not talked since Christmas when I realized what a fool I was being and how I was being lied to and taken advantage of. Then the day before Mother's Day he called. I knew he was wanting something and it wasn't just to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. I cut him short and ended the conversation just as he began telling me that our problems were my fault. Now I find out this. The details don't matter. It is just another in a long line of shenanigans that will require money to fix and this time maybe even more. But this time....I can't help. This time he is going to have to do more than pay lip service to being..........a grown ass man!

This article was in the local paper. The people being referred to....the Phelps family....I simply do not understand. I am sure I am just one of a multitude of Christian Americans who stand back and scratch their heads wondering how these people can call themselves Christian or American?

This family prides itself on using their Constitutional rights (mainly their right to free speech) to constantly put down all things Christian and American while hiding behind a self proclaimed Christian church...better known as the Westboro Baptist Church. Fred Phelps...the leader (preacher, minister, whatever) of this church, teaches his flock (many of whom are related to him) that hate is the Christian way. And hate they do!!!! They hate other Christians, service men, the families of service men, politicians, the court system (which they try to use to further their message of hate), America in general......and most especially gays!!!!! And what is sadder is....they have such a warped sense of  God, religion, and most things in general....that what comes from this is nothing more than someone teaching a whole new generation that hate is the answer.

And they are not satisfied to practice their hate filled beliefs in the confines of their church. Oh no...these followers of Phelps take their hate on the road. Most particularly they choose military funerals of young men and women who have died for their churches right to free speech. They come with signs a blazing about how God hates fags! or Thank God for IED's or simply God hates you! The fact that the poor families of these brave soldiers must be subjected to such hate on what is most likely the worst day of their reprehensible to say the least.

Now the KS Attorney General is trying with the help of AG's from other states to make it illegal for Phelps and his hate-filled flock to picket at military funerals. While I am a proponent of free speech. I also believe that when our founding fathers gave us the 1st Amendment.....they had in mind a more civilized and dare I say responsible America than what we now seem to have. I think that there was an expectation that just because you can say or do something.....doesn't always mean that you should. This concept apparently goes over the heads of Phelps and his congregation. I am of the firm belief that All funerals should have a strict policy that no protests, picketing etc. can be done within the perimeter of the cemetery. That way no one is taking away Phelps' 1st Amendment rights....and the privacy of the family in mourning is also being respected.

It is a tough world we live in and sadly....where there are rights....there will always be those around to misuse, abuse, and twist them in a way that was never intended. To take those rights away from the few who abuse them is impossible in a democracy for if a few are judged unworthy of the long will it be before others are deemed just as unworthy because they are voicing something someone else might not want to hear?


And finally today.....on the same note...yet different (sort of)....the ACLU is suing for the right to swear.

You just can't make this stuff up. Apparently Pennsylvania has a real problem with swearing and finds verbal profanity unacceptable. Yet a Google search of strip clubs in the state finds that physical profanity is obviously not so frowned on. Again I have to scream REALLY!!!!!!

Come on! If you cuss in PA you can get a fine and a jail term but promote the skin trade and the powers that be look the other way?!  Hmmm.... I am no big fan of the ACLU (The American Civil Liberties Union) but I think this one they got right. And shame on Pennsylvania for wasting man power and tax dollars on someone who's only crime is to cuss. Don't you have drug dealers, murderers, and pedophiles to put away like the rest of the country?????

So as you can I have not been in a good place and my blog is evidence of such. In might say that today has been really  f*@%#& up!  Oops.....Thank God I don't live in Pennsylvania!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

A Fly in Your Soup

Yesterday I had one of those migraines where I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. I ended up having to go to bed at 3 p.m. but rest was not in the cards for me as they were siding my house and they were working right outside my bedroom window. Every time I would blessedly begin to dose off....the hammer pounding would bring me back to consciousness. Grrrrrrr
Today I woke up pretty much headache free....but feeling as hung over as if I had been on a tequila bender last night (and yes....I do know what that feels like). I felt too crappy to even go work out today which really put me in a Grrrrr mood. I guess the hang over though is making me introspective or some such crazy here are my post migraine thoughts for today.

A friend of mine whom I have known internetally (yes...I make up my own words! Don't judge me!) for years wrote in her blog today about her son having surgery tomorrow and the way she was treated by her boss and co-workers about having to take off for the surgery. First of friend J. has a disease called Chiari Malformation. Here is the easiest although not the most concise explanation of the disease: Suffice it to say it is nasty business, with lots of pain, and surgery involved. Sadly, J has passed this dreaded disease on to her children and they too suffer from Chiari.
Her son has been in terrible pain and they are planning on doing some kind of decompression brain surgery on him tomorrow to relieve some of the pain. Needless to say.....child, brain surgery, and worried mom don't equal a day as usual at work. Oh....and did I forget that mom is a a hospital....where they take care of people just as her son.....and are SUPPOSE to show some compassion????????
When J. asked for time off....they would not give her paid vacation she earned (cause the state is out of money). Instead they have made her take sick leave which she will get written up for. To top it one showed the least bit of care or concern for her (their co-worker) or her son. Now my question......WHAT THE HECK HAS HAPPENED TO COMPASSION????
I find this whole thing particularly in bad form coming from people who should practice compassion on a daily basis. Is this where we are as a world? Instead of helping a fellow co-worker, friend, human....anyway we can....we just treat them like dirt? Again I must say....Grrrr.
J. I am hoping and praying with all my heart for you and your family....and may your co-workers.....find a fly in their soup!

I had to laugh today when I read this article:
First of all....who would think of food in such a manner???? I think Nic Cage is a great actor, but aside from that....everything I have read about him leads me to believe he is a few cards short. That being said....we all have our little quirks....but worrying about how animals mate and making that a deciding factor in whether I am going to eat their meat or not one of them. If I am that in tune with the animal....then I am probably a little too closely involved with their personal life to eat them anyway.
Now I just have to wonder which is weirder. Nic Cage for being that preoccupied with his dinners sex life....or the Telegraph for thinking Nic Cages eating habits were actually news worthy? What a world!

And finally this little tidbit:
CBS has announced it's cancellations for the fall and Ghost Whisperer is one of them. REALLY??? How am I going to get through Friday's this fall without seeing Melinda Gordon tear up as she reunites ghosts with their friends and loved ones? Now I do not believe in ghosts per say (although I have been witness to a strange event or two in my life) but somehow thinking that those we lose are close at hand and all we need is our own Melinda to interpret for us is kind of reassuring.
I have been a fan since the beginning and have followed Melinda through her friendships, the loss of her husband, the reincarnation of her husband into another body, her friendship with Eli James (played by Jami Kennedy who was her real life boyfriend ...something I never really got), and then the birth of her child Aiden. I must admit though....this season seemed to be getting darker and I wasn't a fan of the direction the show was going.
All in all beat the heck out of some of the brainless reality tv the different networks seem to constantly want to throw at us in the guise of entertainment. Since it was still a highly viewed show, perhaps one of the cable networks will use their brains and pick it up so that life in Grandview can continue on another season and we can find out just how strong Aiden's powers really are.
So to Jennifer Love Hewitt and the Ghost Whisperer cast....I wish you luck and maybe a new life on cable. To the CBS execs who canceled you.....may you ALL...find a fly in your soup!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Ravings from the Bitten Tongue

Recently I have been holding back and biting my tongue. Why? Maybe because I really haven't felt like a big debate where a bunch of adults who should know better....resort to playground tactics and think that calling names and being bitchy somehow make their points more appealing. Well...I've been saving here is what I have to say on several subjects.

Yesterday on facebook on a thread about the Catholic church a lady stated that she was a "recovering Catholic" who felt that the Catholic church forced people into complying with their rules. For ease of understanding we will call this woman Recovering Catholic or RC for short
Dear RC,
I was not aware that you were forced into religion in this country. The Catholic church as in all churches and religions has beliefs and there is a certain expectation in those churches and religions that those beliefs are followed by those attending. However....if you join a certain church or religion and those beliefs don't mesh with your personal ones....then it is probably not a good fit and maybe it is best to move on. Simple as that. Sitting back and blaming that church or religion because "it" does not agree with "you" is ludicrous....especially since no one forced you to be there in the first place. So RC....instead of you recovering from the Catholic church....perhaps it is the Catholic church that is having to recover from you! Just a thought!
Quit Whining and Move On

This is my little bone to pick with Al Gore:
Dear Al:
Where the hell is my global warming that I was promised? This last winter I about froze to death with record cold temps. spring is being mocked by cold, cloudy days and enough rain to contemplate ark building. And further more....since you swore global warming would be attacking soon I stocked up on Gatorade and sunscreen. What the heck good are either of those things when the Mercury can't stretch beyond 60 degrees. Oh dear Al....I am afraid you have pocketed the millions from your global warming scam and tripped happily off to some "actually" warm spot like the Bahama's while the rest of us poor saps freeze. That's okay though....what goes around....comes around, and perhaps your bad karma will lead you to learn the true meaning of global the after life! Sincerely, Sick of Being Cold

And finally.....AZ vs. the federal government. All I can say is REALLY???? I am so sick of hearing people say they want to boycott AZ and I am even more sick of people being hateful to AZ governor Jan Brewer. Come on people. Gov. Brewer did her job and did it well. In fact....I might even say that she did her job far better than the federal government is doing theirs. For years AZ has been dealing with illegal immigration and it's negative effects on the state. Gov. Brewer simply stepped in and did what the fg refused to do. I think it would do us all a lot of good to remember that these people that we are so afraid of racially profiling are breaking the law by being in this country. If this was any other country and they were here illegally....I think being stopped because of the color of their skin and ultimately deported....would be the least of their worries. Somehow these illegals have gotten it into their heads that they are entitled to be here without going through the proper channels...and to live free off our government....while actual citizens of this country foot the bill. Because of their illegal status they are prime targets to be drawn into gangs, drugs, and other further illegal activities.....which ends up endangering our own citizens. Gov. Brewer has taken a stand and not everyone agrees with this, but she has evoked states rights and other states I believe will soon follow suit. So maybe the fg needs to do it's job and stop forcing the states to do it for them! much for my rants and ravings today! Agree or disagree....I welcome your RESPECTFUL comments! Oh and....Happy Monday!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Rainy Day Thoughts we are stuck in doors on a rainy Sunday. It is not quite time to start Sunday what better time to catch up on my thoughts. So here is me being randomly random on a rainy Sunday in May!

Pray for Nicky
Still praying for little Nicky Pena. He is a distant cousin whom I have never met...and yet I feel tremendous passion for and closeness to his family's situation. I have been there.... and needed every prayer possible for my son to live. They need this now....for no parent should ever have to watch a child die and no child should have to suffer what Nicky has had to suffer. Maybe the world needs to see a miracle....or maybe Nicky's cure would be the miracle that would profoundly touch and change the heart of one person. Whatever the case.....if it be God's will....let little Nicky receive a miracle!

A Mosque at Ground Zero
A mosque on Ground Zero???? Really??? Who thought this would be a good idea? I almost have no words or understanding for the thinking behind this. How is this a good thing? We lost lives because of radical Muslims and their complete hatred for America and Americans. Now I don't believe that the radicals represent the entire faith....but to put a mosque in the place of the most horrific slaughter of Americans this country has ever in my opinion unconscionable. This is a slap in the face to both the victims and their survivors....not to mention the rest of America. This also will cause more unrest and more of a division between true peaceful Muslims and Americans and cause a greater divide amongst American's in general. Why cause more problems when they simply aren't necessary. Could it be that a divided America is what is being sought after?

School is almost out for the year...which means many will be graduating and starting their way in the world. You know....the funny thing is....with the economy the way it is, and the job market in such peril, those heading out of high school/college into the big world....have no idea what they are up against. No one has yet convinced them that because the world says they can't.....then why even try?! No one has yet ruined their confidence and because of their naivety.....they just might make it!!!! Oh to be young and fearless again!

Because I Said So!
I think I lost my mind yesterday.....yet again. My 14 year old wanted to do something that I, as his mother felt he shouldn't do. I didn't feel it was safe, and my mother's intuition literally screamed..."NO!" So my answer to his request was ...."No!" He then came back with the dreaded question....."but why?"

Okay...I was busy, tired, and preoccupied all at the same the parents stock answer...."because I said so," came out of my mouth. And you all know what his counter was......"but why? Because I said so isn't a reason."

Suddenly I snapped. WHY do they always do that? WHY can't "because I said so..." be enough????

So I backed my little teenage offspring up against the wall (I am sure my eyes were ablaze with crazy)....and here is what I said:

"Because I said so," is not good enough for you???? Well how about because I am your mother?! I am older than you, lived through more than you, been hurt by more than I hope you ever will, and made the mistakes I am trying to help you now, avoid. Because what you are wanting to do is potentially dangerous and I do not relish spending what is left of my weekend in the ER, the hospital, or worse planning your funeral. Because I pay the bills, give you a place to live, a bed to sleep in and all the video games your heart desires. Because in this house it is a dictatorship....not a democracy.....and because believe it or not, I love you beyond all measure....and don't want you to do something to yourself that could potentially negatively effect the rest of your life." (At this point...I saw a slight lip tremble).

I continued: "So now let's be clear on something....the next time I say "Because I said so...." know that there are many, many good reasons behind what I say and why I say it....but because I am your mother....."because I said so"...should be more than enough reason for you."

When I finished....there was a tear in his eye. Not sure whether it was because he was moved by my emotional yet slightly crazed response, or just afraid of the of the glimmer of insanity in my eye. Whatever the reason though....the original request was dropped.....and I haven't had to say "because I said so," in over 24 hours!

Well....I have rambled long enough. Now it is time to get the dinner going. So I will leave you with this little diddy I remember from kindergarten!

Rain, rain
go away
Come again
another day
Little Lisa
wants to play
So.....rain, rain
go away!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Living in the Alley.....Tornado Alley That is

Well here we are in the midst of another tornado season....right smack dab in Tornado Alley. Spending my entire life in this region of the country, tornado season brings on many emotions. You can't help but get a little psyched when the season approaches because with tornadoes bring a certain amount of electricity to the air (and I'm not just talking about the lightening). There is an exhilaration brought on by the thought of an approaching storm. The air is humid and the sky often gets a certain look of haze about it. You can feel deep down inside that everything in the atmosphere is turned upside down and totally unstable. Maybe it is all this excitement and instability that draws people towards these huge monsters of destruction...instead of away from them?! I have no idea but I can tell you after the exhilaration dies down and the reality sets in that this beast could be headed your thrill level goes from 10 to -60 as I find the lowest most secure place in my house and crouch in fear with my children.
In all my years in the Alley..... I have lived through many near misses, a few...too close for comforts, and a couple....I never want to go through that again's! It all comes with the territory though. As a very young kid, we didn't have a basement and one particular summer during the 1970's it seems we spent every single evening running to the neighbors basement as tornado sirens blared all around us. Back then the time between the sirens going off and the tornado actually hitting was a very narrow window. Early warning was about 2 minutes and when you are packing up valuables, kids and pets to make a mad dash across the street, it is absolutely no fun. After that summer, we moved to a new house with a basement and from then on....any house we lived in had to have a storm shelter of some sort.
Back in the 1970's as I said, there was almost no such thing as an early warning.....although we did have the sirens to tell us that the tornado was about to hit us, and we did get the yearly public service 30 minute broadcasting of what to do during a tornado. This was always broadcast at the end of March or the very beginning of April....just as tornado season began. I can't speak for anyone else....but the 1960's made film always used to scare me to death. Every year we sat and watched as the film showed a perfectly sunny day with people out going about their business....and then within minutes, the sky's were black and the tornado was upon them. Great public service announcement showing that a tornado could come out of a clear sky and be on you within minutes....and no early warning! Luckily....that film was phased out in the late 70's and tornado forecasting became more precise with better warning times.
Tornado season in Tornado Alley usually begins at the end of March and lasts until mid June. During that period of time, seasoned vets of the Alley know the difference between a run of the mill storm and the feeling in the air that comes with a possible tornado. It is definitely a feeling like no other.
Many years, even though we are smack dab in the middle of the Alley....we can go through a whole season only seeing dark clouds, maybe some rough storms, and a sprinkling of hail. In fact we can go for several seasons like this and this is not good. We tend to get lax in our observance of storms and even more lax in our reaction times to take cover. Then we end up with disasters like the 1991 Andover, KS tornado which wiped out most of the town and killed 24 people, or the Haysville, KS tornado in 1999, which killed six people and then went on to destroy Moore, OK and kill 43 more. People simply forget the strength of these unbelievable forces of nature and the destruction they are capable of, leaving them vulnerable to the worst.
In 1991, I and my then boy friend were headed to Andover to see some friends as the storm began to form. As we were driving we followed the wall cloud and watched as the tornado literally picked up pieces of the town and tossed it into the air causing debris to fly everywhere. After the storm fragments of homes, furniture, toys, etc were everywhere. We saw a blanket wedged through a tree and were astounded as we drove from farm to farm seeing one spared and another destroyed. It was a devastation I never wanted to witness again. But I did.
In the Haysville tornado, it hit late afternoon, early evening. My family and I did not realize the storm was even forming until it was on us. We lived in a town SE of Haysville and the storm was heading directly at us. At the last minute it veered and hit Haysville head on as well as parts of SE Wichita. The devastation again....was unbelievable. It was like a bomb had gone off. Streets were unrecognizable because all landmarks had been destroyed.
Then in 2004, right at the end of tornado season....a storm hit my hometown. It had been a lot of years since I had been as scared as I was that night. Tornado's were dropping and going back up in the clouds and then dropping again. Sheets of rain were falling and the sky was a steel gray. I knew that what was going to happen that night would not be good. I was right. My town was spared, but not outlying farms and homes. It wasn't until the next day that I realized that one of those homes hit was a dear friend of mine. The tornado had formed over her house and come down on top of it. She and her youngest son had run for cover in the basement under the stairs. The house and all its contents were sucked up and spewed back out all over farm fields for miles. Luckily....she and her son were spared. That same tornado took out a saddle club and the house next to it as well as the house across the road. (The above picture is the tornado that did the damage).
Again there was so much devastation and this time it was too close to home, for this was in my back yard and had happened to a very close friend of mine.
So here we are yet again in the midst of tornado season and yesterday the local as well as national weather forecasters were on their toes. Our atmosphere was set up just like it was in '91. People who remembered that year took the forecast seriously and they were not wrong. Fortunately for my part of the Alley, we were spared. Only a few quick moving storms with a couple of tornado's that taunted us, but did not damage us. Our temperature had just not gotten warm enough to cause the unstableness needed for the storms. However, south of us in OK was a different story. The tornado's hit as they seem to do, with a vengeance. Once again property was destroyed and tragically four lives so far have been lost....and months of repairing and rebuilding are left for the survivors.
So that is life here in the Alley. We know that three particular months out of our year are potentially deadly. There is an understanding with Mother Nature, that property can be lost and at times...even lives can be the price for living here. And yet few leave. I know I probably never will. After all....every place has it's problems. The coasts have hurricanes, the SW and W seem to have their share of earthquakes, and we have our ravenous storms. Sometimes beautiful, sometimes deadly, but always exhilarating. So yeah....I don't see me leaving anytime soon...because I really love it here. In fact....I think I will just stay right here in the Alley....Tornado Alley that is!

Monday, May 10, 2010

Post Mother's Day Meanderings first Mother's Day sucked!!!! It was a day I would wish on no one filled with cleaning up backed up sewage off my basement floor. And if your wondering....the smell was staggering. Mix that smell with straight bleach and you have the feeling your nostrils are being burnt by chlorinated poo!!! Needless to say, by the time I had Sunday/Mother's Day dinner ready, none of us found food any too appetizing.
I really was feeling sorry for myself (a spot I only rarely vacation at) but felt pretty justified in yesterday. With the sewage and a few other not as big but just as unsettling things happening, I was preparing myself for a real pity party. Then some friends from facebook whether knowingly or unknowingly set me real straight, real fast.
First of all, at the same time I was going through my little aunt was preparing for a mastectomy (wish I was there), a cousin of mines little grandson was found to have a tumor on his brain stem and several others on his spine, and another friend of mine has found a lump in her breast and is waiting to find out if it is cancer or not. So in the big scheme of up a little sewage really isn't a big deal.
I then had a fb friend tell me that motherhood is not perfect, so why should a day honoring mother's be perfect? Motherhood is messy, stressful, sometimes heart wrenching, and always rewarding....but NEVER perfect. So why wouldn't Mother's Day reflect motherhood? And at the end of the day, my kids were there, we all pitched in and got the place cleaned up, everyone was happy (as happy as you can be cleaning up poo that is), we were healthy and I really had no major complaints.
So when I finally hit my pillow last night, I was exhausted, but no longer did I feel the least bit sorry for myself. Instead...I felt very blessed. My basement was clean (which it needed anyway) and for the most the big scheme of things...all was right in my world. Mother's Day go....mine really wasn't all that bad.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Things My Mother Taught Me

This was a piece I wrote in memory of my mom a while back. I know it has been read by many of you before....but try as I might...I have not been able to come up with words that say how my heart feels about my mother...better than this. So on 7th Mother's Day without her....I share this once again.

She was beautiful in every way and she was wise...far wiser than she was ever given credit for. She always marched to her own beat and could be your best friend or your worst just depended which side of her you were on. She was a flawed human just like the rest of us....but somehow those flaws made her more vulnerable, more approachable, more Mom. She was a force to be reckoned with and she more than once brought fear into the hearts of my friends....but most ended up loving her and those that didn't....they still had a healthy respect.

My mother taught me many things and today...on Mother's Day....I would like to share some memories and lessons from a woman gone too soon.

She taught me that children are a gift and no matter what....we must always love them. I learned this from personal experience as she always considered me a gift and loved me through good and bad.....and sometimes I was very bad.

She taught me that we are not owed anything in this life and to expect this will only cause us heartache and pain. It is when we work for things we are truly rewarded. This has proven to be true so many times in my life.

Her favorite saying no matter what horrid thing happened to us was...."offer it up." Translation: God offered up His only son for our we can offer up our pain and suffering to Him. If I skinned my knee....she would kiss it, bandage it, and then tell me to "offer it up." If I failed a test and was upset about it she would say...."offer it up." Even when I was older and I was hurt by things that a kiss and bandage would no longer fix....she would listen and then tell me...."offer it up." Mom always felt that if you must suffer (and we all must) that if you offered it up....your pain would not be in vain. Guess what my children now get to hear????

Mom taught me that you are never closer to God or your own thougths than when you work in the garden. There is a peace and serenity there that can't be matched anywhere else. That is unless you run into a copperhead snake....but that is a story for another time.

She taught me that I would never truly be able to love someone else if I couldn't love myself. If you can't love yourself....then how do you expect anyone else to love you? It took me a lot of years and an awful relationship...but finally I learned to love me....and everything else fell into place.

Mom taught me that faith is essential in life and that prayer moves mountains. I was taught from a very early age to pray not on my terms but on Gods. All prayers are answered....just not always in our time or our way. My little David is living proof.

I learned from Mom that if one is good....then five are better. This may not have been one of her better life lessons...but if sure has been a fun one....especially where shoes are concerned. I mean really can you have too many shoes? Mom had 150 pair when she died....and many still live on in my closet today. Thanks Mom. :)

Finally and more importantly....Mom taught me how to die. Mom had five primary cancers before she died, she went through the loss of a lung, 3 other surgeries, and both radiation and chemo and never once did I hear her complain. Every time anyone would ask how she was doing she would always say, "if it doesn't get any worse than this....then I'm doing pretty good." You can bet Mom was doing a lot of "offering up." She never lost faith that whatever happened next was "suppose" to happen and she used every second of her life to enjoy what time she could. And finally......when the end came....she showed us that she had lived life on her terms and that she would die on her terms. She left this world with more class and dignity than anyone I have ever known.

Mom taught me that life is for the living. Death is inevitable but not to be dwelled on. She made sure that she taught me to let go of the sadness and to only hold on to the the lifetime of memories.....and so Mom...that is what I've done. Happy Mother's Day.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Waiting For the Other Shoe to Drop

So it is going to be a bit difficult to write this post without sounding like a whiner....but really...I'm not! The fact the last decade I have had one crisis, loss, tragedy, problem, and down right bad day after another. It started in 2000 when my youngest son was born prematurely and had a five month roller coaster stay in the neonatal unit, followed by finding out my mother had lung cancer (this was her third cancer) on the same day that my husband suddenly died of a brain aneurysm. Then we had mom's radiation and chemotherapy, followed by her death. Then we almost lost our home. Then we did lose our home and moved to the home I grew up in (and don't think that didn't cause some head-in-the-bag hyper-ventilating moments). Then I had issues with my son. He had drug issues, and behavior issues, and "I hate my mother" issues. Then the stress of it all caused ME health issues. And then there were the money issues brought on partly by my health issues and the resulting bills. We also had the health issues of my youngest son......and the multitude of trips to the ER, the stays in the hospital and the numerous times his little life was in danger of ending. Then my older son began having health issues which were followed by almost a months worth of hospital stays. I then began dealing with creditors constantly harassing me over unpaid bills which were unpaid because I couldn't find a job that was willing to let me take off at the drop of hat if my youngest son got sick.
Amazingly....I did eventually find a job that was willing to work with me, only to find myself in a job with a bipolar CEO (my diagnosis...nothing was ever officially proven) and an administrative clique that would rival even the nastiest high school mean girls. Because I was unwilling to bow down and take the character assassinations they were doling out to all those they considered "beneath" stooped to the level of calling me out as a mother. All hell broke loose and I quickly ended my employment. Then there were more children's health issues, more hospital stays, more unpaid bills, more bill collector calls, my father's failing health, and once again the possibility of eventually losing my home....and no possibility of a job that would be willing to work with my situation. Now I know all of this sounds pretty gloomy and dark....not to mention like something out of a bad soap opera....but this has been my life. Now, I guess this is the part where I should follow up and say....there have been blessings mixed in with all of this. There have been happy times and I have gotten to know who my friends truly are and realized that I have had some friends all along that I didn't even know were there. But the fact remains I have issues with trust. Not really with trusting people (although that last job did put some peoples motives in question)...but my real trust issues are with LIFE! When you have a stretch of life where you have a consistent assault of issue ridden years, it is very hard not to spend your time looking over your shoulder and waiting for the next illness, death, piece of bad news....or basically waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I went to a therapist for a while who told me that I had what was traumatic stress syndrome (PTSS) and her advice was for me to relax. How could I possibly relax when the other shoe could drop at any moment? Stupid woman!!!! But actually the PTSS did make some sense to me, although I knew that the "relaxing" thing probably wasn't going to happen.
I did however take a step back and start paying more attention to the world around me. There were many people who had it so much worse than I did and often times they did not appear to have the "what next?" attitude. And to be quite honest...I had been brought up by a faith filled mother who had given me enough verbal adages and life examples to get through anything. I know that God never gives me anything that I can't handle (although I am pretty sure at times....He has me confused with someone else) and I also know that if you pray you should have enough faith not to worry and to know that God will handle it all. Alas though...I am I both pray and worry.
Today I woke up and it was a good day. We are all currently healthy and things seem to be going in a good direction (with the exception of a non-immediate family member or two). I still have piles of bills that glare at me monthly and a special little stack that will most likely only get paid if the government gives ME a bailout....but for today....things are good. I simply have to come to terms with the fact that I really have no control over tomorrow or even later today...and that God in His infinite wisdom is not picking on me or giving me more than I can handle.
But you know...even if life stays a steady course for awhile and there are no swarms of locust, natural disasters, or hospital runs....old habits are hard to break. So if you see me looking over my shoulder and sweating a will know it is just me....waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

The National Day of Prayer

The National Day of Prayer has taken a beating this year. It has been debated, dissected, and turned into a media dream. Why this year? Why now more so, than any year since 1952? Especially, when it appears that more than ever before we as a country need some uniting?
I know that the old church vs. state argument stating we need a secular government is the first thing that is screamed out by opponents....but the National Day of Prayer is not a law....merely an observance. No one is being forced to pray and no particular religion is being singled out. It is also not merely a Christian observance. Anyone who prays can take part and for those atheist who stomp their feet and cry fowl.....they can meditate...unless of course thinking good thoughts about and for your fellow man and your country is against their own personal beliefs.
What I am saying here is this: This country is in a world of hurt right now. We are having major floods in the south as well as the oil spill in the gulf; we have homeless, jobless people running around; abuse, neglect, and so many other forms of human disrespect. We are in a recession with layoffs and foreclosures happening all around us; and a country divided by political unrest. Wouldn't you think that a day where we all prayed, meditated on or even just wished for some help, some unity, some common ground would be a welcomed change? Or is a united country NOT the "change" that is being sought?
And there has been much controversy and rumor over President Obama's part in this NDP. Rumors have flown that he was canceling it, forbidding it, etc. This does not happen to be true. He has supported it in the past....he has just said he will not take part in it this year. My question....WHY? Why would the leader of a country which is starting to visibly divide and is so full of misunderstanding, intolerance, and racism (from all sides)....not take this day to unite this country? Why instead, would he use it as a tool to further divide. And his very actions by "not taking part" are showing that division in this country is perhaps what he is trying (very successfully might I add) to achieve.
Well....I have done some thinking about this whole situation and I have decided this: prayer is stronger than any man, any group, any weapon, and any naysayer. So I will pray today and with my prayers and the many prayers and good thoughts of others.....we will be heard. I will pray for my country, my fellow American's, our men and women serving their country and all those including you Mr. President who chose not to observe this day.....because as our Pledge of Allegiance so eloquently put it....we are One Nation Under God!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Let "5" Save Your Life!

Five is a good strong number. Very distinct and easily recognized and remembered. Why my fascination with "five" you ask? Because the number five could save your life if you are a woman or it could save the life of someone you love. Now you think I'm crazy....right? Trust me...I'm not!
Today is May 5th and today and on the 5th day of every month.....if you gave yourself a breast might just save your own life. And if you reminded those around might help to save theirs. It is proven that through regular self breast exams...a woman becomes familiar with her breasts to the point that if there is an abnormality....she can detect it almost immediately. It is also proven that early detection is the key to fighting and winning the battle against breast cancer. And since this horrid disease is one of the leading causes of womens death, isn't a little prevention worth it?
Why do I care? Because number one I am a woman and number two I have watched this disease afflict and even kill family and friends of mine. I myself have found a lump thanks to regular self exams and thankfully it was nothing, but I knew my breasts well enough to feel the difference and detect it immediately. It could have been the difference between early detection and losing my breast....or worse.
Please don't think it can't happen to you or those you love....because my family is living proof that it can.
So if you are a woman....or there is a woman in your life that you love.... please remember "five" and on the 5th of every month, check yourself and be the best friend or family member you can be and remind those you love to do the same. After takes such little effort and it can have such enormous results. So please...."Let "5" Save Your Life!"

This is dedicated to: Mary (my mother), Ruth and Grace (my aunts), Pam (my cousin), Andrea (my friend), and all those who have had to fight the battle against breast cancer.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Getting Old...Ain't for Sissy's

How is it that most days I feel like I am about 20, give or take an ache and pain or two, but the person in the mirror looks so much older. And it is not that wise, aged well look that stares back at me. It is that scary...."who let your grandmother out of the psych ward look" that graces my mirror.
I saw a bumper sticker once that said...."Getting old.... ain't for sissy's!" I laughed...but had no idea of how true this would be.
In the last few years, everything that had been strategically placed up north, has drastically slid south. My natural hair color is now gray, my skin is becoming translucent and I have the eyesight of a blind person. And apparently AARP has seen me up close as my mailbox is inundated with their literature. Their motto must be "AARP...for those who are 50....or just look that way!"
My children laugh at me, as I now creek when I walk. I have bones and joints popping and cracking that I didn't even know existed. I am still strong however, and can carry my almost 60 pound son....moving him from his wheelchair to the floor or helping him in and out of the car. And I was very proud of this. In fact I was so proud that I was bragging to my dr. about this and all he could say was...."keep that up and you are going to end up with the bladder of a newborn!" I cringed. There went my last grasp at youth.
What is sad is my actions are becoming more and more that of a older person. I have the little 7 day pill container and every morning I take more pills than an addict. There is of course my thyroid pill, my pill for reflux (tell me that's not an older persons pill), my allergy pill, aspirin and fish oil for my heart, red yeast for my cholesterol, calcium w/vitamin D for my bones and B12 so I have the strength to take all the other pills.
I also have the older person attitude. You know the one where you go around telling everyone to put a sweater on because....YOU are cold. And somehow all my stories now start with....."back when I was a kid"......and as they children run for cover.
I don't know when all this happened. It seems just like yesterday I was standing around rolling my eyes when my mother tried to dispense her words of I AM her. My body used to make it's own estrogen; my hair used to have a color; and I used to not care whether anyone wore a sweater or not.
But alas....time has marched on and my maturity is starting to show. I guess I have earned my bottled estrogen, my bottled hair color, and my oh so many bottles of pills. Maybe all that is left for me to do is sit back, relax and put on a damn sweater!