Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Day 18, Dreams, Black Eyes, and Weight

It is raining cats and dogs outside. It has been since about 3:30 a.m. Why you might ask do I have any inkling what it was doing at 3:30 a.m.? Because sillies.....I was AWAKE!!!!  Apparently last night was my night for strange dreams with a nightmare or two thrown in for good measure. My night was filled with stories of my cousins, Michael Bolton, infidelity and a marriage that just shouldn't happen. None of it was based in reality.....except that all the players were real. The house we were in wasn't even a place I had ever been. It was so surreal and it kept waking me up....especially the part where Michael wanted hair extensions....don't ask! Then there was the part where I was suppose to go in for a bikini wax. All the girls in the wedding party were suppose to(again...don't ask)......I was not thrilled. Guess this is where the nightmare part came in. Thank goodness I woke up just as they  were pulling the wax off. I was actually sweating.  And finally....there was the dream about the bear I used to carry around as child. His name was Bar.  In reality he was an old dime store bear with the stuffing coming out of him from my childhood obsession of rubbing his fur between my fingers until his material was non-existent. In the dream however....he had grown about five sizes and actually moved around and talked. Wonder what Sigmund Freud would say about that?  Not sure what the other nightmares were about....just know I would startle awake knowing that I was scared....but couldn't remember why. It seems that my memory stinks....even in my sleep! It was an active brain night.....and today.....my brain and I are exhausted!

Today is Fat Tuesday which means tomorrow starts Lent. I have been giving what I am giving up for Lent a great deal of thought. I truly want to give up something that hits home and causes me to think.....after all God gave up His only son and Jesus gave up his life for me.....so perhaps I could give up a little something for them. The thought processes are still going and I am still not absolutely sure....but tomorrow.....I am sure you will hear all about it.

Yesterday Zachary had a little run in with a fist. Today he is sporting a black eye. There is nothing like getting a call from the principal after only 30 min. of school....telling you that your kid has been in a fight. Apparently an upper classmen was yelling at Z\ in the commons saying "hey f@g" (a word that is used in everyday speech at the high school...as often as the word the....according to Z). When Z refuse to acknowledge the kid......the kid threw a carton of milk at him. Z threw it back and it made the kid mad. Next thing you know fists were flying and Z took one to the face.

The real catalyst for the fight was a bullying issue. Apparently a kid that Z has known for years has been bullying and name calling the milk throwers little sister. Z has had the misfortune of being with the bully a time or two when he has bullied the sister and the milk thrower was trying to get Z to come over to him yesterday to tell him to stop the bullying (Z was guilty by association....and Milk Thrower was doing his own version of bullying by name calling!)

When all was said and done and everyone finally knew what and why things happened.....Z immediately owned his place in all of it.....as he should have stopped the original bully the first time he had ever tried to bully the sister. Z also apologized to both the sister and the milk thrower for not stopping the bullying and guaranteed them both that he would stop any future bullying. Milk Thrower also apologized. It all ended fine.....but it breaks my heart to think that all of this happened over bullying. This stuff has got to stop. They were all just lucky that the worst thing that happened was a black eye!

On to the 30 Day Challenge

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.

This one is an interesting one as I really don't have that many insecurities. NO....really I don't!!!! Surprised???? Honestly....if you had asked me this when I was younger.....I could have probably given you a list as long as my arm (if I were being dead honest). Now a days though.....I just don't have much that I am insecure about. I sort of have the attitude....if you don't like something about me......don't hang with me. (I don't hang with a lot of people. Coincidence? I don't think so!)

Probably if I had one thing that I was really honest about being insecure about....it would have to be my weight. I am not insecure from a looks or beauty perspective (if you don't like the way I look heavy....then you probably won't like me thin either)....but I am from a health perspective. In this case....my insecurity has turned into fear......and we all know (if you have been reading my blog) that I speak fear fluently.

I am aware that my weight is not healthy and therefore puts me at a higher risk for heart disease, stroke, cancer, bad joints....and a laundry list of other various non-fun and non-healthy afflictions. It also puts me in a higher probability that I won't be around for my kids or be able to meet and enjoy my grand kids. All of these are major motivators to make some big changes.

One year ago.....I was at my highest weight ever. I could feel it in every inch of my body and I hated it. That is when I got busy. I have since lost 30 lbs and it has been through exercise and changing my diet.....but mostly lifestyle change. This year I have kicked it into higher gear and plan on making those numbers shed a little faster.

When the weight is gone....I will have reduced all that is potentially bad in my body and hopefully have extended my life years. (That's right kids.....Momma ain't goin' anywhere!)

Once the weight is gone.....I am sure there will still be underlying insecurities....after all....I am human, but I don't plan on letting them EVER get the better of me! So insecurities....be gone!

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