Have you ever been following a path (a theoretical one....not a real one) and felt that you were headed in the right direction....but you still needed a breather? I am talking about just a little time and space from the path and all that it implies, just to collect yourself and maybe even re-evalute the path. That is where I am at right now. For 5 months I have been headed in what I feel is the right direction, and there have even been a few times when I felt I was spot on to what I needed to be doing and where I needed to be doing it. However.....maintaining those moments has not been easy and although the path has been consistent.....the journey has not! Make any sense? Don't judge me...it is early and these are the kind of thoughts that plague me before my eyes are even open. Another reason to be glad that you are not me.
In essence though.....I am pleased with the path and not with the journey. Therefore I am stepping back today. I am using today as a day to reflect......breathe.....and then with any luck......move forward. It just feels like something I need to do. I don't feel like I have all my ducks in a row, my eggs in a basket or as my mother used to say.....my sh!t together (I loved my mom!) When you have been so out of sync and had so little together for so long......pulling it all back in is no easy task. So maybe a re-evaluation is in order. Sadly....I am only alotting myself 24 hours. The good news is....I seem to do better in a time crunch than when I have an abundance. Lets hope this time is no different.
Maybe one of the reasons I am so thoughtful today and so in need of a path adjustment is because tonight Z gets confirmed. Confirmation in the Roman Catholic Church is a big thing. It is one of the seven sacraments we received throughout our lives.....each one bringing us body and soul....closer to Christ. Through confirmation we not only accept Christ in our lives but we truly acknowledge His presence and become His true soldiers. When I was young....you were confirmed at 9 and while we knew our catechism forward and backward and had some understanding of the importance of confirmation.....it was not until I was much older that I fully understood the magnitude of this sacrament. Now....the age of confirmation has been raised. It is usually those who are 14 or older that partake of this sacrament. At this age they have a much better grasp and understanding of what it means to be a soldier of Christ and how this will affect them spiritually throughout their lives.
Z has really grown this year taking his confirmation classes. He is at an age where he is starting to ask questions about everything....including his faith, and this has left us open to some amazing conversations. While I don't pretend to know all there is to know about religion, faith and God....I do know what they have meant to my life. I know how my church has always been there for me....even if I didn't always show up for it. Through my church and the teachings of my religion I have learned faith and because of my faith....I have learned to trust in God above all else. I have personally experienced in my life things that were made possible by only sheer faith and the mercy of God. I have been given the grace to maybe not always understand, but always to accept God's will and to be able to find the blessings and the lessons....even in the worst situations. This is in great part due to the fact that I am a soldier of Christ. Perhaps this is the Catholic equivalent of being "born again!" This is our acknowledgement and complete acceptance of Christ in our lives and my mother always taught me that once confirmed.....no matter how far off track we got in our life, we had the grace to always find our way back.....and we always eventually would. And this is the culmination of the many long hours of conversation Z and I have had this year. Because of these talks....Z and I have grown closer and Z has grown much closer to his faith. It has been a good year!
Which brings me full circle back to my path and my journey. (Yes....it always comes back to being about me!) I can think of no better day to realign my vision and adjust my path as necessary. A breather where I can focus on both the importance of the day and the importance of my goals is both necessary and I believe deserved at this point.
Wow! This was a bit deep. Gosh....I just never know where these blogs are going to go first thing in the morning.....before my eyes are even opened and my thoughts are even formed. But you can always bet.....somehow, someway.....they will always find a way to be about me!
And today I leave you with a little Bab's. I woke up hearing this song in my head. I haven't thought of it in years but I really do love it. So here is Barbara Streisand and Stoney End. Hope you have an exceptional Wednesday!
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