Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Dating 101 or How to Find a Man in Lisaland.......Kissing Frogs

You know...I was thinking about dating and something interesting came to mind. When we are young....dating is a natural thing. We are expected to date and we expect it of ourselves. However...when you reach a certain age...there is absolutely nothing natural about having to put yourself on the market again. Although, I do feel like "putting yourself on the market" is quite a good analogy, because realistically....that is exactly what you are doing. You suddenly go from being that "well lived in" model, to a "fixer upper." And we all know that the fixer uppers are not really all that marketable. That is honestly kind of how I have felt. Very unmarketable.

This last weekend was actually very good for me and my perception of myself. I spent it around people I had known for years but  don't see all that often. I took a good look around and realized that I looked as good as any of them. No....I don't have the body of a 20 year old, but then....neither did they (sorry peeps). What I have lost in figure though....I have gained in humor, experience, and the ability to really not care what others think of me. It made for a wonderful time full of laughter and fun. And honestly.....I really didn't care how others viewed me....because I viewed me as just fine. The key now is to take what I learned/felt over the weekend and keep it close for the rest of eternity.

I learned this weekend that many people seem to read my blog and are particularly interested in my  Dating 101 day.  It seems that people are very interested in my sex life or shall I say lack of a sex life and were willing to remedy that. I passed. I also had people asking me why it was so hard for me to just jump back into dating. Obviously it is not the scary swamp of fear for others that it is for me. One reason I think it is difficult is because of time. A decade is a long time to not date. I am not sure if the rules have changed. Are there even rules anymore? Second though is.....I tried to do this a couple of years ago....first long distance and then face to face with someone I had known for a long time and it really didn't work out. I got my hopes up against my better judgement....and then when we finally got to actually be in the same place at the same time, I was made to feel like less than nothing. It was really a hard pill to swallow being my first time even contemplating dating since my husband had died. The funny thing was...I had had some really unpleasant dating situations in my past (one of those charming fellows even beat the crap out of me) but I don't even think that shredded my self esteem and confidence as badly as this incident did. Maybe it was because in the past situations I didn't feel like I had set myself up for the bad ending.....like I did for this one. I had my reservations from the beginning and they proved to be valid. In the end I was made to feel like something on the bottom of his shoe....and it left me none too anxious to go through the experience again. Luckily I have learned that I did nothing wrong except for maybe putting my faith in the wrong person. I am just fine though, as the issue was his and his alone. And so now.....I am ready to move forward....a little older and a little wiser.

So what does this all mean? It means that dating in the best of situations holds no guarantees. It means nothing ventured....nothing gained and most of all....it means you may have to go through a few wrong ones before you finally find the really right one. Obviously the journey is not over for me. In fact....it has just begun. If it is meant to be....I have every faith that I will find the right one and if it is not.....then maybe I will have at least a little fun kissing a few frogs!



7 comments:

Marni said...

I really would love to hit the "Love" button on this one more then once. Good for you Lisa. When we worry so much about what others think of us, we put ourselves in their hands and most of the time it doesnt end well. Whats most important is what we think of ourselves. When you start to do that....and you become confident in the person that you are....it will draw the right people around you.
You have this!!!

OH and are you saying that this "Peep" doesnt look like she did when she was 20?!!! Im offended!!! hehehehehe....

Random Girl said...

Having faith in the wrong person can really mess with your perspective and make you question yourself when you are right, you did nothing wrong but trust someone that wasn't trustworthy. I was in a similar situation and let myself fall regardless of having reservations and ended up with the really really wrong person and it shook my confidence in my own judgement for a long time.

That was a year ago and I have come through it to a point that I am confident in my own opinions again...and I too am having fun kissing a few frogs in search of the good one!

Anonymous said...

What are you waiting for? Get out there. Happiness is waiting for you. Dang it! :)

And all your buddies are like fine wine. We keep getting better with time. Except Chris. She got meaner. Especially at the bars.

Steve J.

Ben said...

I hate that you are out there having to start all over again. I wish things could have been different years ago but I know you wouldn't change your life for the world. I know first hand how great you are and obviously you have friends and fans on here that agree. Any guy willing to take a chance on you would never be disappointed. And as for the one who hurt you a couple of years ago, you are right, that is his issue not yours. He needs to have his brain examined for letting you get away and I hope you know that. I am sure by now he does. You are going to find the right one and I guarantee you that it will be one of the best days of his life. Girl, you are just that special and don't you ever forget it!

Nathalie said...

I don't normally comment on blogs but a friend of mine got me reading yours. I can't love it enough. I especially love your Dating 101 days and your Motherhood days. They are always good reading. I have gone back and read some of your older stuff and I love that too. I have my fingers and toes crossed for you on this whole dating thing. I think you have waited long enough. It is time for you to find a great guy. Keep us posted on the search and keep up the blogging.

Anonymous said...

Just an observation. You have all these friends that comment on here and I assume they are personal friends because of many of them make personal comments. They seem to be of both sexes, so why haven't these women set you up yet and why haven't the guys asked you out? Apparently they all think you are "great" just not great enough to to actually set you up or date you. You are either not as great as they pretend you are or your "friends" aren't as great as they pretend to be. And comparing men to frogs is really not very nice.

Thiry said...

psycho....