Thursday, August 25, 2011

No Room For Liars

Thursday all ready??? Where is the time going? Last night was fun. I got to spend time with Chris and her son for their respective birthdays and I got to see some more friends that I hadn't seen in awhile. Oh...and I got to hold the most precious baby girl for quite awhile. She was soooo cute and I really didn't want to give her back. Trust me....thoughts of putting her in my purse and walking out were definitely going through my head. It was a really nice night.

Today we are back To Like or Dislike. Well, there has been a recurring issue going through my life lately and that is what today's dislike is all about. I can deal with a lot of things from alot of  people.  Bad attitudes and bad reactions rarely phase me....after all I have had kids. However...the one thing I cannot deal with..... is a liar. Now I am not claiming that I have never stretched the truth and I am sure there have been times that I flat out told some whoppers, but I learned early on that one lie always leads to another and before long....you have either completely lost the truth or gotten so wrapped up in the lies that you catch yourself up. Lies always have consequences....and the biggest one is....if you get caught, it negatively reflects how people view you and how they react to you. Even a small lie can bite you. As human nature can tell you, if you will lie about the small things, then who knows how you will react to the big ones? It's a pretty sure bet you won't react honestly.

Lies can tear apart family relationships, friendships and work relationships. Once you are caught....you become a pariah of sorts. People lose faith in you, your word and your ability to honestly carry out what needs to be done. No one likes to be lied to....and no one likes to be called a liar. Especially if it is true. 

My kids have tried it. All kids do. I think though they have learned that the consequences aren't worth the action as privileges and allowances cease to exist for them. I do however expect my kids to lie when they are young. To some degree it is part of the learning process to see how far they can push. As a parent....I put up my boundaries and they know that lying crosses the line and the consequences are quite unpleasant. That is the way it should be! What should not be though, is a grown person who lies as easily as they breathe. I run into so many of those....I could just scream.

One instance is a family member. I am not sure whether he lies to everyone or just me, but I would surmise that if you are willing to lie to one....then you are probably an equal opportunity liar. You can never ask this person anything and have any faith that the response will even hold and ounce of truth. And worse....sometimes he lies without provocation. He initiates the lie and carries it out without anyone even asking him. When caught though....and I always know because he, like all liars, has very distinctive "tells", gets bitterly angry. He acts insulted and furious that someone would call him a liar when the reality is.....he is angry because he got caught. I have spent years dealing with this individual and being lied to at every turn. There have even been times that I tried with all my heart to believe that which I knew deep down was a lie....but then the issue stopped being his and started being mine. I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't trust what he said and because of that....I knew I couldn't trust what he did. The lies finally became too much and eventually I just had to walk away.....family or not.

Recently I have been caught up in someone else's lies. I have watched this individual lie for awhile now. Most of the lies have appeared to be fairly insignificant, but this person has major tells that they aren't aware of and with each lie the tells are quite obvious. I really tried to ignore the lies because I liked this person and really didn't want to think negatively about them. The lies continued to build and then recently this person was caught in a very major lie. Not only did they lie, but they brought others into the lie. This person got caught....but not before a lot of damage was done to everyone involved. It almost destroyed a very important relationship too. Once caught though.....they did not understand why others were angry at them and they did their best to deflect both the blame and the consequences off on others. It was a bad situation and it was at the place where I couldn't help but start to look at this person very differently. Then a really horrible situation happened involving this person. While the situation was not really their fault...how they handled it....was. Suddenly when the finger was pointing at them....they started finger pointing at everyone else. I was pulled into something I knew very little about and had  absolutely nothing to do with. Then this  person started lying right and left. The bad thing was....this person was believing their own lies the minute they left their mouth. They were snow balling and dragging a lot of people down with them. It was pathetic and tragic and very unnecessary. Now I am faced with the possibility of having to deal with this person on a daily basis again....and I just don't know that I can. The lies are not going to stop and I don't have the energy or desire to have to sift through every word said to me to find the truth. I am disgusted to the point of being physically sick.

I have to ask....why lie? Why not just tell the truth in the first place? It is so difficult to have to keep coming up with lies and trying to remember who you told what to. If you just start out with the truth....you don't end up twisted up in dishonesty. You also don't end up alienating everyone in your path.

As I said, I can deal with a lot, but lying and liars are just too much for me. There is simply no room in my life...... for liars. On that note...I think I will leave you with a smile and a wish for a very wonderful Thursday. Happy Thursday everyone!!!!


10 comments:

Anonymous said...

I find you and this blog to be really judgmental. You act as if you never lie so you can stand in judgment of those who do. Did it occur to you that maybe people lie to you because they don't think you can handle the truth. There is also the possibility that lying to you is the kindest thing they can do to you. Lies are not all bad if they are done to protect someone or their feelings. I am not condoning lying, but I am not judging the liars either. I find you very judgmental in many of your posts and this one is a classic example, and no I am not lying!

Marni said...

Anonymous I have come to the conclusion that you yourself KNOW this blogger personally and you follow her blogs just so you can post insulting and judgemental responses just to try to hurt her. There is no reason for you,...if you are continuely offended and insulted by this blogger that you would make it a point to CONTINUE to read them if you are not just trying to PERSONALLY insult her. YOu are just trying to get your jabs in with her blogs because you cant do it to her face or sadly you already have and now are just trying to be mean in a different way. you get on almost every bolg and make nasty resoposes for no reason at all...on blogs that you pick apart and then insult, offend and are just plain mean. Yep....I do believe this to be true.
And just so you know...shes not being judgemental...she is just saying that she does not like liars. Thats all this is about....LIARS and not appreciating how it affects hers and others lives. Thats it!! Why dont you just get over what ever anger you have for this blogger and just move on.

Anonymous said...

I read blogs because I find bloggers funny. I read many blogs and correct inconsistencies and hypocrisies as I go. This blogger while not the worst, has her fair share of blogger inconsistencies but I don't think I have seen another blogger who has so many "personal" friends constantly run to her aide while she herself says very little. It occurs to me that my critiques either don't affect her near as much as they do her friends or she simply knows I am right. Most other bloggers jump in and defend themselves against mine and other peoples critiques. Does cmom feel she doesn't need to defend her work or does she just feel that her work is indefensible?

J'nelle said...

I think the answer is that she doesn't think she needs to defend herself. From what I have read, she says what she says and she is just fine with both her blog and herself. I think the only one here with an issue is you anonymous.

Marni said...

Anonymous I hadnt realized that you had been elected to go around to bloggers and "correct" them in how they feel and what they say. Telling them how wrong they are. Wow it must be such a burden for you to carry around....the job of correcting all the bloggers of the world.
If you are such a blogger reader then you must realize that when people write their blogs they write about THEIR life...THEIR feelings...Their thoughts. NOT intending to think that everyone that reads it will feel the same way. THATS what blogging is I believe.
As for Lisa's friends "running" to defend her and she stay silent...I have personally talked to her about this and she just chooses to not feed into what youre saying. Shes OK with you disagreeing with her. As many of us would be...but you my dear...in your responses do EXACTLY what you are accusing Lisa to be. You are a judgemental...uptight...and down right mean person. Its all good to let someone know that you disagree with them...but in the manner that you do it...well just proves what type of person you are. Are you upset because she DOES have so many that will stand to defend her?
I am just going to do my best to not let what you say get under my skin. I will still stick by what I said...I DO believe that you know this blogger personally and are just trying to get your jabs in on her any way that you can. Believe me when I say I know that you are NOT affecting her in any way at all!!!

Thiry said...

Well I needed a goof laugh today...Anon is God...now I get it...

Norm said...

Hi Lisa. I see your fan is still sharing the love. They remind me of Romans 2:1... which I call the mirror principle. While they are calling you judgmental, what is it that they are doing?

I once heard that honesty comes from the word honesta, a Latin word that means 'to be at one with'. I loved that. To "be honest" I needed to be in harmony with everyone around me and my environment as well. Many years later I actually looked it up. The story about "being at one with" is a tall tale. Honesty has to do with honor, but I liked that original lie just the same.

Anonymous said...

I've dealt with liars way too many times. All they know is selfishness, anxiety, pain and the spreading of unwanted misery.

And I agree with Marni, I think Anonymous is very close to Lisa. And I wouldn't be surprised to learn that Anonymous has been helped by Lisa many times and has hurt Lisa many times. But still isn't satisfied.

And why would anybody defend Lisa? It's because she give's freely to her friends. Yes. Lisa has friends. A whole bunch of them that love her dearly. And I'm one of them that take's offense to a gutless looser that has nothing better to do.

I'm guessing today's blog may have hit just a little too close to home. Go figure. It's about lying.

Anonymous needs to grow a pair and get out of his sissy pants, get a real job outside of the fast-food industry, learn to be self-reliant and then take a long hard look in mirror. Grow up kid you're being way too creepy.

Steve J.

Anonymous said...

I am terribly sorry, but I have to laugh. You all apparently seem to think that I know cmom personally. I leave the personal love fest to all her "fans". I will just call myself her anti-fan who leaves constructive criticism. Again, I find it quite humorous that her fans/friends are far more incensed by any criticism of her that she is herself. Strange dynamic in this particular bloggersphere.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous,

Let's do lunch sometime...

Steve J.