Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Dating 101 or How to Find a Man in Lisaland......Jumping on Frogs

Let the games begin! And they have. This week I jumped into the dating world with both feet....and landed squarely.......on a frog! Ewwwwww So last week on facebook I announced to the world that I had been asked out on a date. I had 30+ posts of people telling me to "go for it!" Never being one to back down from a challenge....I did just that. Oy

First a little back ground. He was a "gentleman" and I used the term loosely, that I met on a dating site. He expressed interest right away and appeared to follow my blogs (on the dating site)  closely. He continually sent me dating site roses, teddy bears and cups of coffee. How could a girl not swoon over an imaginary rose and cup of coffee? He messaged me constantly telling me about himself and asking very pertinent questions about me.  He is 50, owns his own business, not bad looking. He is divorced with two grown kids, loves backyard bbq's, travel and wants to spend forever with that special someone. Although cheesy......the words in the messaging we did sounded right. Anyway, I still wouldn't give him more than my first name and although he gave me his phone number, I refused to give him mine.

He really wanted to go out and asked me about six times before I said yes. Now imagine....this all happened in a weeks period of time. He wanted to wine me and dine me Saturday night where "the possibilities were endless," his words...not mine. I said how about we just start out with coffee or breakfast (I don't take a lunch where I work. ) So he agreed to breakfast yesterday. Low and behold, David spiked a temperature Sunday night and had a mini seizure. Yesterday morning he was still running low grade and not acting right, so David became my #1 priority and Mr. Wonderful went to the back burner. I called him and told him the situation and he acted pretty unfriendly about it all. I apologized and said we could reschedule but he was pretty much a jerk. I said fine, my child's health overrides any extracurricular plans I might have and if you can't live with that then we aren't a good fit anyway. End of conversation. I was absolutely fine with that.

By about 10 a.m. he was messaging me and apologizing for his rudeness. He said that you just never know on dating sites what you are getting into and he just figured I was looking for an out and that is why he was so upset. I could kind of understand it and he asked that if David were better tomorrow (today) if we could try again? I told him I would think about it....which I did. After about five more messages from him, and six more imaginary roses, I said yes. WHAT? I like roses....even imaginary ones. So we decided we would meet this morning. Lord what was I thinking?

We met and he looked just like his picture. He immediately hugged me and tried to kiss me on the lips. I dodged and he got my cheek. Hmmmmmm. Then I sat in the booth and he tried to sit right next to me. PERSONAL SPACE here buddy! Have you never heard of it? I told him I would prefer he sat across from me so I could see his face. He begrudgingly moved. He made that pouty "uh" sound like Z does when I make him do something he doesn't like. Really?

So his first words to me are....."you are so beautiful! Run away with me right now!' Huh? I just looked at him. I tried to divert the conversation and ask him what he did. He then came back with...."It doesn't matter because after today my only job in life is to make you happy!" What???? Was this guy for real? He looked normal enough. In fact he was actually pretty nice looking, but he really needed to stop talking. Still trying to divert....I asked him about his kids. At first he looked like he didn't know what I was talking about, and then he said that they were both grown and had their own lives and that he had really had very little contact with them over the years. When he did though, they were more like really "cool" friends than parent and kids. Really "cool" friends? Dang....the waitress hadn't even taken our order yet and I wanted to leave. Then he came off with so more Rico Suave crap and I started to run out of patience.

You know me and my lack of filter. Finally I couldn't help myself and I said...."this can't be who you really are. Why don't you stop trying to impress me with the fake you and start trying to impress me with the real you." This was as he was reaching across the table to grab my hand and I kept a death grip on my cell phone. I actually think he was going to kiss it! Ick! He looked as if I had slapped him (which I was really thinking about doing). First he tried to play it off as.....this is just who I am. I think I gave him a look that said....yeah right. Then he said, "I thought you wanted a gentleman."  I said...."I believe I said....I want real. Not some guy trying to pretend he is some Don Juan." He immediately changed. The bravado was gone and he said okay...."my name is____________. I own my own business. I don't see my kids because the ex turned them against me. I have had three really bad break ups. I think most women are liars, bitches and whores and are gold digging witches. Your profile made you sound different....so I thought I would give you a chance." Hmmmm and all this time I thought I was giving him a chance. At least now he was being honest....I think.

So he asked me if I was going to give him any information about myself such as full name and phone number. I dodged. I asked him if he was a Kansas native. He dodged and then said....."was your son really sick yesterday?" It may have been a valid question....but it pissed me off. Or maybe he was just pissing me off. I said that yes of course he was and told him a little about David and why I was so worried. Then he did it! He said......."don't they have institutions for kids like him? Why isn't he there?" I know the look on my face must have said it all. He tried to back track and said, "well I mean doesn't he tie you down and make it so that you can't have any fun?" He is lucky that my filter chose just that moment to work or maybe I was too angry and dumbfounded to just shoot from the hip. Whatever the case.....when I recovered from the shock of his words I said, "you don't know me and you assumed right off the bat I was lying. You don't know my son and you assume he should be in an institution instead of at home like every other kid. You think that meeting someone for the first time and making a complete ass out of yourself with a bunch of fake bull is endearing and you call women in general liars, bitches and an assorted laundry list of other names and you think any quality woman would want you? Well you are nothing but a jackass and I am leaving." Apparently I was a little loud as the lady sitting on the other side of the glass partition said, "It doesn't sound like they'll be going on a  second date!" Was she ever right. I have no idea how he looked or what he thought as I left, all I know was he was definitely not Mr. Right.

As I got in the car....I started laughing. You have to know that if this kind of a first date was going to happen to anyone....it was going to happen to me. That's okay though....what is it they say....you have to kiss a lot of frogs (or in my case jump on a bunch) before your find your prince. Well in this case.....I think I squished a frog and probably left him feeling a little demoralized. Or quite possibly, with the way he was....he just added me to the long list of liars, bitches, whores and gold diggers and is now moving on to his next conquest. Do you really think someone would actually fall for his smooth trash talk? Who knows? All I know is he has now been banished from my dating site possibilities and I think I will take this whole dating strangers think a little more cautiously. At least though...I broke the ice and tried. I am sure it will get easier and I will get wiser, but to all my fb friends who told me to go for it.....I am not speaking to any of you. At least not for a good hour anyway! :)

So here is hoping that your Tuesday has no frogs and no smooth trash talkers. Happy Tuesday everyone!


Anonymous said...

The guy sounds like a loser. Especially what he said about your son, but I have told you before, just give up and get a cat.

DaninDean said...

Sorry for the bad first date. He sounds like he would have been a bad first date for anyone. Hang in there. They arent all like that. Good job for getting out there though.

J'nelle said...

Sounds like you dodged a bullet. I know a lot of people push dating sites but they seem really iffy to me. I think you ought to go out with friends or have your friends set you up with people they know instead of complete strangers. You were obviously way out of this guys league.

LisaAnne said...

I am floored.


I am so glad he said what he did about your son. There was no question as soon as those words were spoken that he did not posses the compassion you deserve.

The way you handled him and his nonsense is commendable.

Lisa, you are amazing.

Cats are overrated. Keep trying.

Love to you!

Jill said...

Cat hell...get 2 dogs! they will love you unconditionally, extend your lifespan and keep each other company when you are gone (plus they would be therapeutic for David). With all that these 2 dogs would give you, you won't need or have time for a man!!

Anonymous said...

Dang. What a loser.

No real man or woman abandons a child because they get in the way of having fun.

There are good men out there and you know it.

With that said, this loser and his long lost son, Anonymous need to be smacked upside the head with a dead cat. Repeatedly.

God has a wonderful plan for you and your family. Just keep walking forward.

Your buddy,

Steve J.

Margarite said...

Wow! my theory is that the mystery man was Anonymous. He's been this mean to you on your blog & he almost sounded nice today. He probably wants you to himself so he's trying to discourage you from dating! (LOL) Any way, this guy was a jerk & deserved to be left alone at the table. Good for you! Cross this on off the list & move on! I know several people that have found their soulmate on dating websites. Keep looking but most of all......just have fun (& keep blogging)

Berty said...

I have my theory on who anonymous is..... wonder if I'm right.

I am so happy to hear you are willing to give things a try again, I know it must be hard. Hang in there, God has a plan for you!

Anonymous said...

Some people are not meant to date. I think you are probably one of them as the stars seem aligned against you. Maybe you need to take today a cosmic sign that you need to just stay home and run not walk away from the dating world. Besides aren't you a little too old to be running around with stars in your eyes looking for Mr. Right?

Thiry said...

This will make for a good laugh someday...just like..."you will like it"...thats something your pal Anon...would say or do...a little on the freaky side

KO said...

Next time have me sitting at the next table over. Supply me with drinks... and I will test his nerves if he steps over the gentlemen line.

Niki said...

HMMMMM.......Well I'm thinking that maybe You Did meet anonymous. ..at least it sure sounds like the same type of JA.....Lisa You are an Amazing person. ...You will find a Mr Right. .Not a Mr Wrong in given time. ..we all know you will & You know you will. ..Far as an Institution. ...I think he needs to find one that will accept his Sorry Ass & get Many Ass kickings while he's there....David can Kick his Ass too & we will all Cheer him on!

Random Girl said...

Wow, talk about red flags!! I have found that anyone that is that needy when they know nothing more than your name and profile info and make all of these "meant to be together" suggestions are really just screaming they are going to be a co-dependent, controlling nightmare and you should do exactly what you did, run, do not walk to the nearest exit and block block block! Anyone that has that much time to pepper you with constant contact and then throws attitude when your child takes a priority is not going to bring anything but drama. I'm glad you stepped out there and at least took the challenge of breaking the ice back into dating, it can only go up from here!