For days I have wanted to blog. There has been so much building up inside of me....and believe it or not...none of it is political!!!! Shocked? I know...right? Yeah, I am an ostrich once again with my head buried firmly in the sand and not a news channel will you see me watching. Yep...that is just how far in denial I am!
Actually....I am focusing all my attention on the holidays and with the holidays I mean cheesecakes!!! Thanksgiving was just a practice run. I hope to do much more business during the Christmas, Hanuka, Kwanza holidays. Without a job this year...THAT will be Christmas for the kids.
As I mentioned above...so much has been building up inside of me. Mostly for some reason I have been thinking about those close to me who are no longer here. I am not really sad...just contemplative. It seems that each year or two I add on to family and friends who are no longer with us. This year especially....my family and friends have taken a major hit. I am grateful for the memories and what each brought to my life...but there is still the feeling of loss and never more so than when we sit down to a holiday family meal or when we are decorating for Christmas.
It has dawned on me of late how no matter how well we think we know people....we never truly do. My mom especially comes to mind. Growing up...I really thought I knew all there was to know about her. It turns out that at whatever age I was....I knew what I needed to know about her...but never all there was to know about her. Looking back I realize that my mother was far from an open book. She was truly an onion with many many layers and my time with her just barely pealed back the surface. In some ways I am realizing how much my mother and I were alike (something I think she spent many years fighting against....wanting more for me than what she had) but in just as many ways....we were polar opposites. I guess that is a mother/daughter thing. Many times...especially of late...I will be thinking about my mom and realize how little I really knew the woman. There are so many unanswered questions and she is not here to answer them and chances are if she were here....she still would not be very forthcoming with answers. It makes me sad to have the knowledge that I really didn't know the woman who was my mother for 40+ years of my life. And the lesson here is.....I have no idea. My mother let me know what she wanted me to know about her and kept the rest to herself. That is simply who she was!
Wow...not sure where all that came from. See what happens when you have too many thoughts boiling up and you don't take the time to blog?! Yeah...it's not always pretty!
Thanksgiving for 2012 has come and gone. If you are a facebook person then you know one of the popular things this time of year is the 30 Days of Thankfulness which starts on Nov. 1st and runs through Nov. 30th. The idea behind it is to post everyday one thing you are thankful for. Some scoff at the idea saying that they are thankful everyday so they are not playing. However...others post a piece of thankfulness daily. I myself find it a great emotional tool. Yes....we should be thankful daily, but most of us mere mortals sometimes find ourselves more often in asking mode than we do thankful mode. To do an exercise in 30 days of Thankfulness can be a much needed reminder of just what we do have and just how grateful/thankful we should be. All this being said....I think I made it to day 20 before I got completely side tracked with cheesecakes, sick kids, kids out of school and three Thanksgiving dinners (don't ask!), so instead of going back and writing a multitude of thankfulness on fb....I think I will finish it all out right here.
I am thankful for my kids. Each brings something wonderfully special to my life and even on our worst days...I am blessed. I am thankful for my extended family and for my friends whom I consider family. DNA does not make a family....however love does. I am thankful for all my friends near and far who always have my back when life throws me curve balls, who listen to me whine, laugh at my stupid jokes and most of all....pray me through the times when life seems insurmountable. I am thankful for my struggles for they make me stronger and my tears for they wash away my pain and help me to see the world more clearly. I am thankful for those I have lost. I was never guaranteed any of you for a long time....but what time we had was amazing. I am thankful for my freedoms, my rights and most of all for the men and women who fight daily so that my freedoms and rights stay in tact. I am thankful for my small town, my church and my faith. I am thankful for my past which has made me who I am today and I am thankful for this minute and the knowledge that we only have the here and now so we must make it count. I am thankful for life lessons and for making it to 50! And finally.....I am thankful for this blog, my readers; my critics and fans alike. For without all of you....I would be just talking to myself!