Okay....first of all before I begin, I would like to give a huge shout out to last nights Superbowl. To be honest I wasn't invested in either team, so before the game I did a mental coin toss and decided I would be a Raven's fan. During the first half....I was rather disappointed in the game as the Raven's were scoring every chance they got while the 49ers weren't. After a less than impressive half time performance (not a big Beyonce fan) and a power outage which held up the game for a good half hour (or maybe it just seemed that long).....the 49ers hit their stride. By the end of the 3rd quarter, it looked as if there was an actual football game going on. In the end, the Raven's won it....but the 2nd quarter game was actually one of the better games I have seen of late. I must say too that I wasn't a huge fan of the commercials this year although the Clydesdales and the Dodge Ram commercials did touch me. The others though..... are just minutes of my life that I can never get back.
To be honest...there are those out there that are surprised I like football. The fact is....I am too! As a kid I would watch it with my dad just to get his attention. Somewhere along the line though....I actually began to like it. It used to drive my brother to distraction as he can't stand the game. Guess that was the added bonus to watching it. Truth is..if I allowed myself to, I could be a die hard football fan and be glued to my tv from preseason to post season. Since my life doesn't really allow for that....I catch a few games during the season and usually try to watch the Superbowl. In this day and age though...just about as many women like football as men...so I am really not that much of an anomaly any more. Still I guess to some...I just don't seem the type to be a hard core football fan. Apparently like an onion....I have more layers than most expect. Oh..and I probably cause a few tears too!
Speaking of people not really knowing me, I was talking to someone that I have known for awhile. Awhile as in years.....and she told me that she knew me like the back of her hand. It wasn't too long after she made that statement that she then said that everything wasn't all about me. I knew then and there that she really didn't know me at all, for if she did....she would never have made such a ridiculous statement. She is not the only person of late who has claimed to know me so well that they can practically read my mind. Apparently I have become "readable". The problem is....they really don't know me and when they begin to talk as if they do...they are always off base. I may at times be predictable.....but I really don't think that I am that easily read, especially when I don't even really know me.
Over the last couple of years....I have changed. I have definitely gotten much more out spoken (and not just in my blog) and the things I thought I wanted have become more of a gray area. I have begun to think of life more in the short term than the long. It is much easier to create and carry out several short term goals than it is to carry out one long term goal. I even have begun to view my children differently. Perhaps though...that is just me preparing to let go as they continue to grow up and begin lives of their own.
The person who told me that life wasn't all about me (silly woman) also told me that I needed someone to help me through the tough times in life and that I shouldn't give up looking. I cringed as it was very reminiscent of what people were saying to me a couple of years ago when I quit listening to me and started listening to them. Them being everyone who felt that I must need someone to fulfill my life. That led me down a path I do not care to revisit. I decided then and there that I really needed no one. Life has made me stand on my own for years and although I may not always do it right.....I always do it to the best of my abilities. I have come to know certain things about myself and one is that I don't need someone to complete me, make me feel good about me or take care of me. God gave me the skills to do that all by myself. Now having someone to compliment who I am, have fun with and share life.....that could be another story. Up till now though....it has not been my story. That is not saying that it won't come in time. As my mom always used to say....."Never wish your life away....for the best is yet to come." I think though...all these people who think they know me...might be very surprised as to who I am compared to who they think I am.
So you think you know me. Well lets see. Did you know that I am a woman who still likes pink? I like to laugh and I love my friends. Sometimes I hide away from the world and sometimes I try to be the world. I am quiet until I am not and then there will be no question as to my thoughts. I really worry very little about how people view me...as I always try to be the best version of me I can be. I see no sense in being rude or hateful....even to those who possibly deserve it as it really serves no purpose in life. Sometimes I worry and stew over things I cannot change and then I remember to pray. I miss my mom and still try to find the one thing that will finally gain me praise in my fathers eyes. I am a pushover when it comes to animals....especially my animals, but I don't always see humans with the same eyes.....possibly because animals have pure intentions and humans seldom do. I help people whenever I see or hear of a need....but they seldom know it's me. I was taught that generosity should come from a desire to help....not a desire for accolades. There are days when I want to feel the wind in my face and the freedom of youth. I want to kiss the cute boy and feel my heart skip a beat and I want to laugh and party as if I have not a care in the world. Then there are other times....the majority of times when I look at my kids and I know that they were a gift given to me and that it is my responsibility to be the best mom I can be. I have to be the mom they deserve and not just the mom they are stuck with. I can be fierce and defiant when pushed and I have a razor sharp tongue when thusly provoked...but that is a side I seldom like to show. I am complicated and shallow...sometimes both at the same time. I wear very little make-up and think nothing of going out in public with nothing more than eyeliner....but I won't leave the house without having polish on my toes (even if I am wearing shoes). I think my best feature is my toes (if they are painted) and I will never divulge what I feel is my worst. Why give someone fuel to use against you? I am one to keep friendships for years...but I am cautious to add new ones. I pray for everyone I know daily and I am not afraid to ask for the same in return. All in all I am a lot some of the time and a little a lot of the time. I have a surface me and a me that goes to the depth of my soul. Some who have known me for years have never seen below the surface. Only a select few have had that privilege. If I am quite honest...to know me is not always to love me. Sometimes it is not even to like me...and most are not that invested anyway. So no...I don't think those that think they know me....know me at all. What they think they are reading maybe a momentary flash of a surface thought, but nothing that is really who I am.
Are you surprised? Am I who you thought I was or am I someone you just thought you knew? Whatever the case...I am me and I don't see that changing....any time soon. And I can think of no better way to end this than to quote one of my favorite authors...Dr. Seuss. "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."