Thursday, March 7, 2013

No One Ever Said Life Was Fair

If you are a reader of my will know that often I will refer to the wisdom of my late mother. If only I had understood how wise she was when it counted, but alas....... She instilled many things in my head over the years; some religious, some political, some practical and some were just common sense about life and the world around us. One thing I heard from  the time I was old enough to have temper tantrums when life didn't go my way was......"No one ever said life was fair!" It didn't matter if I was in a fight with a friend, got in trouble and couldn't do something I really wanted to or got dumped by a guy. Instead of allowing me to wallow in the "unfairness" of it all, she would throw out the "No one ever said life was fair," line and then ask me if I was going to sit around and feel sorry for myself. Often for awhile....I did. It is hard to understand why difficult or bad things happen. The fact is often unfair and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it other than throw a tantrum and then a pity party. When those achieve nothing....then we pick ourselves up and move forward.

All of this was going through my head this morning as I was having a very frank conversation with God. Yes....there was a lot of begging, pleading, a few tears and a whole lot of "this isn't fair," going on. Money issues often bring me to my knees and yes....I was right! It was not fair and there have been a lot of unfair things in my life, but if I truly look at the checks and balances of it all....there has been as much good, happy and totally miraculous in my life that may even tip the scale in my favor a bit. Then I began to think of others I know...of others who even this week have been dealing with so much. Their lives aren't fair either.....but they also move forward and many of them completely bypass the whole tantrum and pity party, which leads me to another one of my mothers pearls of wisdom. "Look around. No matter how bad you think you have it...there is always someone who has it worse." Sadly....this is true.

This week I have watched a mother who gave her child up in an open adoption....suffer because the adoptive parents suddenly closed it. I can't imagine that pain. To give such a precious gift to someone with an understanding of an open door....only to have that door slammed in your face, now THAT is not fair. How about having a family member who bleeds you dry both emotionally and physically because they feel like their bad choices robbed them of happiness and now somehow you are suppose to pay for that. I have a dear friend going through just that thing. It is not fair but sometimes family has a hold on us like no other people in our life. It isn't fair....but sometimes that is just how it is. Then there are those who are suffering the loss of a family member or friend and those suffering with illness. Sick kids, out of work, not enough money....we all have issues to deal with. None of it is fair and yet at some point....we all get a great big helping of unfair piled on our plates. It is simply life. None of us gets out alive and none of us gets out without the pain of unfairness.

I want to say that I am strong enough to pick myself up and move forward once again....but truth is, the older you get....the more times life seems to throw those unfair curve balls and sometimes it is not all that easy to pick up and move forward. I suppose this is where our faith comes into play. We have to look at past history and realize that no matter what we have had to face.....we have survived! Sometimes our survival has resulted in strength and sometimes all we are left with are battle scars,  but always we have survived. I have survived!  I suppose I will again and I know that after I finish with both my tantrum and my pity party I will as always realize that there is simply nothing left to do but pick myself up and move on. I tell myself that things could be worse and I have a great deal to be grateful for. It is very true, but some days even that doesn't help the moment you are currently living in. Guess it is all part of being faulty humans.

You is funny, just this week....two of my friends have commented on my strength. One told me that she does not understand how things no matter how bad.....simply never get me down. I had to laugh at this very kind but truly distorted picture they have of me. The truth is....things do get me down...alot! I am not superwoman. I cannot leap huge problems in a single bound, nor can I hide my fear, frustration and sometimes sheer grief as well as I used to. So for today...or at least for the next hour or so....there will likely be a little tantruming going on and a whole lot of pity party.....and then once again, I will do my pick myself up and once again.....move on.


Anonymous said...

It sounds like you have hit a rough patch. As you said, we all do. Knowing what I know of your situation, it seems that you have been given the unfairness off of some other peoples plates and had it dropped on yours. That really isn't fair. Hope things start looking up. Maybe there will be a lottery win in your future.

Anonymous said...

I have read your blog for a very long time and know you go through a lot. I just want to let you know, if I ever become rich I will want your address because I plan on sharing with you and your family.

J'nelle said...

I hear ya girl. Things go good for a time and then suddenly BAM you are hit with a longgggggg stretch of unfair. I think there should be a lifetime limit on that crap and when you reach it, then things are good forever. Yeah I know I am dreaming but sometimes you just have to dream.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

There are people in life that you wish you could just wrap protective arms around them and keep them happy and safe. In my life, you are one of those people. I personally believe you have dealt with enough unfairness and harsh blows to last several life times. I think now should be your time for calm seas and blue skies. I hope that they are just around the corner for you.

Anonymous said...

This is just what I needed today. Thank you. It actually helps to know that life is not picky about who it is unfair to. I have been going through my own stuff and this blog really helped. Hang in there. You are strong and you are entitled to your tantrums and pity parties. We all are and then as you said, we get up and move on. Good luck on whatever is getting you down.

Anonymous said...

The truth is you are strong. Strong in Faith and strong in character. It was almost a year ago I shared with you one of the greatest trials in my life. Sure I got some comforting words from you. But I also heard plenty of truth. And I needed it. :)

The reality about our lives is that there will always be trials. And we can either feel sorry for ourselves, or embrace the trial. I choose to embrace the trial and look to find a way to turn it into a blessing. Its not always easy.

Sometimes the only blessing is knowing that you came out of it stronger. Or, in my instance this week with a family trial is knowing that everyone is in this together. We are weathering the storm together as one. I have no doubt that when this storm is over we will be stronger and more loving as a family. We will also gain that much more wisdom and trust in one another.

So I'm giving thanks instead of curses. God is good.

Anonymous said...

You maybe feeling down now but knowing you, you will be fighting the good fight again by days end. I like it that you blogged about this because believe it or not you do show the world an invincible side of yourself. It makes the rest of us feel a bit inferior to know that you go through what you go through and never bat an eye. Today you showed that you do get down like the rest of us and that you, like the rest of us mere mortals have your own version of kryptonite. Great blog and I know you will be up and moving on before you know it.

Anonymous said...

This brought tears to my eyes. You are the strongest woman I know and I know that being that strong 24/7 can take a toll on a person. I think not only is a pity party acceptable in your case but it should be mandatory. Hang in there. Will pray for a lottery win in your future. :)

MarniJ said...

You my dear friend are one of the strongest people that I know but in saying that I DO KNOW that there are times that you dont feel so strong. BUt you still trudge through whatever is thrown your way and you get through it. Sometimes just closing your eyes and letting whatever it is pass.....that works too. But like said above every thing that we go through in life makes us stronger, changes us in a way that for some reason change need to be made.
You my dear are an amazing example of "Yes, life is hard sometimes but you just continue to get up and keep going because as life can not be fair all the time there are those shining times that makes it all worth it"
I was raised in that same manner of "Life is not fair" and it wasnt but for an early age I told myself that there is someone out there in a worse place then I was......and kept going.
thank you so much for this blog....I loved reading it!!!