If you are a reader of my blog....you will know that often I will refer to the wisdom of my late mother. If only I had understood how wise she was when it counted, but alas....... She instilled many things in my head over the years; some religious, some political, some practical and some were just common sense about life and the world around us. One thing I heard from the time I was old enough to have temper tantrums when life didn't go my way was......"No one ever said life was fair!" It didn't matter if I was in a fight with a friend, got in trouble and couldn't do something I really wanted to or got dumped by a guy. Instead of allowing me to wallow in the "unfairness" of it all, she would throw out the "No one ever said life was fair," line and then ask me if I was going to sit around and feel sorry for myself. Often for awhile....I did. It is hard to understand why difficult or bad things happen. The fact is....life is often unfair and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it other than throw a tantrum and then a pity party. When those achieve nothing....then we pick ourselves up and move forward.
All of this was going through my head this morning as I was having a very frank conversation with God. Yes....there was a lot of begging, pleading, a few tears and a whole lot of "this isn't fair," going on. Money issues often bring me to my knees and yes....I was right! It was not fair and there have been a lot of unfair things in my life, but if I truly look at the checks and balances of it all....there has been as much good, happy and totally miraculous in my life that may even tip the scale in my favor a bit. Then I began to think of others I know...of others who even this week have been dealing with so much. Their lives aren't fair either.....but they also move forward and many of them completely bypass the whole tantrum and pity party, which leads me to another one of my mothers pearls of wisdom. "Look around. No matter how bad you think you have it...there is always someone who has it worse." Sadly....this is true.
This week I have watched a mother who gave her child up in an open adoption....suffer because the adoptive parents suddenly closed it. I can't imagine that pain. To give such a precious gift to someone with an understanding of an open door....only to have that door slammed in your face, now THAT is not fair. How about having a family member who bleeds you dry both emotionally and physically because they feel like their bad choices robbed them of happiness and now somehow you are suppose to pay for that. I have a dear friend going through just that thing. It is not fair but sometimes family has a hold on us like no other people in our life. It isn't fair....but sometimes that is just how it is. Then there are those who are suffering the loss of a family member or friend and those suffering with illness. Sick kids, out of work, not enough money....we all have issues to deal with. None of it is fair and yet at some point....we all get a great big helping of unfair piled on our plates. It is simply life. None of us gets out alive and none of us gets out without the pain of unfairness.
I want to say that I am strong enough to pick myself up and move forward once again....but truth is, the older you get....the more times life seems to throw those unfair curve balls and sometimes it is not all that easy to pick up and move forward. I suppose this is where our faith comes into play. We have to look at past history and realize that no matter what we have had to face.....we have survived! Sometimes our survival has resulted in strength and sometimes all we are left with are battle scars, but always we have survived. I have survived! I suppose I will again and I know that after I finish with both my tantrum and my pity party I will as always realize that there is simply nothing left to do but pick myself up and move on. I tell myself that things could be worse and I have a great deal to be grateful for. It is very true, but some days even that doesn't help the moment you are currently living in. Guess it is all part of being faulty humans.
You know....it is funny, just this week....two of my friends have commented on my strength. One told me that she does not understand how things no matter how bad.....simply never get me down. I had to laugh at this very kind but truly distorted picture they have of me. The truth is....things do get me down...alot! I am not superwoman. I cannot leap huge problems in a single bound, nor can I hide my fear, frustration and sometimes sheer grief as well as I used to. So for today...or at least for the next hour or so....there will likely be a little tantruming going on and a whole lot of pity party.....and then once again, I will do my best.....to pick myself up and once again.....move on.