Sunday, March 23, 2014

Holding Pattern

Although it has felt to me like life has been in a holding pattern for the last couple of months, the truth is that time continues to march on. It occurred to me this morning that as today is the last official day of spring break, the next few weeks will be a mad dash to the finish line of this school year and Z's high school days. The dreaded snow seems to be gone but cool temperatures remain, however I know that I will blink my eyes and hot days will soon be here. Before I know it,  it will be too late for spring cleaning as summer will be here and plans for David to walk and Z to attend college will be all that we as a family can think of. So in reality, I guess there has only been a holding pattern in my head. Life has trudged along while I felt like I was standing still.

Today is the first day that I have opened my eyes and looked around me. So much needs to be done and the feeling of so little time is taking me over. It is ridiculous really, as time is something I seem to have endless amounts of and yet my mind makes it seem as if everything is on a timetable with the sand in the hour glass running at an alarming rate. The truth is, you can have all the time in the world and if you mismanage that is fruitless. Time to hone my time management skills.

I am starting to feel the unrest of early spring which is adding to the mixture of emotions which seem to be seeping out today. My heart and soul are longing for an amazing stormy day that starts with warm humid temperatures, over cast skies and a knowing surge of energy in my body. I want to feel the sweat from the building stickiness and the excitement from the first crack of thunder. I want to sit on my porch and watch as the lightening dances across the sky and bows down to the ground jumping and returning to the heavens. I want to hear, see and smell the rain as it pummels the ground and washes the winter away along with all the stress, worry and fear that has built up in my body and held me captive all these months. I want to hear the thunder clap and shake the ground drowning out all other sound. And after it is all said and done.....I want to feel only a spring storm can make me.

I am hoping that I am not speaking too soon or jinxing myself, which I don't really believe in although past history might make me reevaluate that belief.....I am actually starting to feel much better. The last month I have been dealing with health issues that although not permanent did seem to be pretty chronic along with fairly unpleasant. They sapped my energy and just made me feel like throwing in the towel. Add to that the mental roulette that seemed to be going on weekly and I felt like a thumb sucking, fetal position, whinny mess. Not a pleasant way to start the new year at all. I am sure that I have been a joy to all those around me too. Yep....I have definitely been the mother "they got" these last few months and NOT the mother "they deserve!"

So here's to hoping that the holding pattern just quit holding and that moving forward is on the permanent agenda. I steps. However, there appears to even be hope for one of my highly sought after spring storms come Thursday. Only time will tell though. Only time will tell!

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