I love the feel of a new school year....but I hate saying good bye to leisurely mornings and most of all I hate putting David on the bus knowing that it will be hours before I hear his laugh or see his amazing little face again. There is a part of me that is never ready for this transition into cooler days and the changing colors of the world and another part that lives in anticipation of the change.
This year the world is different to me. David is my last and only child attending school this year. Z is on his way to college and no longer in need of my early morning mother henning. Since David and I have our routine down to a science, there isn't much chaos or commotion. At least this morning there wasn't. However, as I put him on the bus and watched it drive down the road to his new school year, the weekend that I just left behind came back full force. It was the catalyst for a new beginning for me....and this time there will be no looking back.
I hate change. The very fact that change is even on my radar obviously means that it is necessary and yet the status quo is comfortable, if not wearing me to the point of complete and total mental and physical exhaustion. Still, comfortable exhaustion can be less scary than real change. So I told myself..."Buck up little cowgirl. Pull up those big girl panties and lets get this party started!" Yes....as a matter of fact I do talk to myself in cliches!
This weekend, I experienced change among my friends and I saw its positive side. I was able to unload a little emotional weight, dance a little and end the weekend....tired with blistered feet and a new view of my present and a new vision for my future. My vision you ask? Something a heck of a lot more positive than the last nine months. That could entail anything from a root canal to a lottery win. Yes, it has been just that unfun!
So today I am prepared to begin my journey with just one tiny baby step and moving forward from there, I refuse to look back. It is time that I did something for me....and this is it. Now what this is for sure, I can't tell you, but I made a promise to myself that by this time next year, I am going to be a much better version of me!