In my ever advancing years, I have actually picked up a bit of wisdom/knowledge along the way. One of the things that I have learned is that everything has a give and take, all actions have consequences and most importantly.....we must own our choices regardless of the outcomes. Possibly though, the most important piece of knowledge that I have become aware of is......you are never too old for change.
Sometimes change is forced upon us through no fault of our own. That change is not always what we immediately view as positive and therefore, we fight it tooth and nail. Other change though, can happen deliberately or inadvertently through our own actions. If you change jobs mid career and start down a whole new path, that is deliberate change. However, if you go out with a questionable boy, he takes you to a convenience store and robs it and you end up in jail for a couple years as an accessory to the crime, then that is inadvertently. You know you went out with a questionable boy (your choice), but you never saw the robbery or the jail sentence coming. In either case, there are lessons to be learned and if learned and learned well, it is a stepping stone into the future.
Of late, I have finally been making the changes that I have only been talking about for years. The changes are coming in all forms; physical, spiritual, emotional.....you name it. Through these changes, I am learning more about myself and recognizing things that I never saw before. Some work in progress lessons I am learning are: God is always there and I certainly don't give Him the respect or the recognition that He deserves, I can lose weight and be healthy at the same time, my voice doesn't have to be loud to be heard and finally.......there are things worth fighting for and things that simply suck the life out of you. You have to know the difference. I have also picked up on a few other things about myself too. I have a very creative brain with many thoughts and ideas always swirling at once. It can make for a very chaotic thought process at times. More sleep and less stress seem to help it. I have two speeds; lazy and obsessive compulsive. Neither work for me so I am working on a third speed that allows me to meet somewhere in the middle that will not drive myself or my family crazy. Wish me luck! And finally, I have learned that time really does have a healing quality that nothing else in this world has. I am thankful for that.
Yes, it has been a lot to learn in just a few short months, but I was always much better at cramming to learn than stretching it out over time. Contrary to what we are told in school, those quick and compact lessons seem to have a more lasting affect on me than their slower counter parts.
Don't get me wrong....life is not perfect and we still struggle, pray and try to give back whenever possible, but I am not a victim and I am no longer allowing self pity and frustration to be the key players in my life. I am trying to own and take control of my life, redirecting myself into a better path. I am trying to use my powers of creativity for good and I am finally getting confident enough to believe that possibly I can even sell my ideas and creativity to others in the form of businesses. Anyone need their laundry done? How about a phenomenal cheesecake? No.....I really do make phenomenal cheesecakes.......and I own that!!!!
My new found life and changes keep me going in many different directions and unfortunately......sometimes all at the same time. I am still new to all of this and trying to find the balance that allows me time to grow, time to lose, time to get and stay healthy, time to take care of the people and things I need to, time to help others and yes.....even time to blog, is not always easy. As we slide into the final months of this year, the year that quite frankly started out as one of my worst, I find myself looking forward to the holidays. I know that the momentum will only pick up and chaos is likely to ensue from time to time, but I think I am totally capable of holding my own and embracing sugar plums and decorating while running to doctors and redoing the basement. Yeah...I got this! (nervous laugh)
My life is my own now. Yes, it affects other people too but, my choices are mine as are their consequences. I know there will be accomplishments and failures ahead as well as happy times and not so happy times and wins and losses, but the important thing is, that I am learning and I am changing. It is all part of the give and take of change and becoming self aware......and honestly, I am finding myself eternally grateful for it all.