Another year is at its end. WOW! This year came and went with the speed of an Indy Racer. Years are tending to do this more frequently the older I get. I have told people for several years now that my life only has two specific times of year....summer and Christmas. Those are the only two times in my year that seem to catch my attention and make me feel as if the year hasn't completely bull dozed me over.
I have heard so many people this year say they can't wait for 2010 to end. For many it has been a year of loss, financial insecurity, heartache, and just down right unpleasantness. I myself have lived through most of those, but if people are honest....no devastating act happens without blessings also being involved. My mom always used to tell me....something good always comes out of everything bad, and you know.....as usual....she was right.
This year (as in most years I guess) has been a bag of mixed blessings. The hard things and the sad things that I went through seem to jump out when I think of this year. I have truly struggled financially, but the first part of the year for me was a doozie. Not a night did I go to bed and not wonder if I was going to be able to make ends not even meet....but at least arrive in the same vicinity of each other from week to week.
I grieved the loss of my older son. He was not dead, but he was no longer a part of our lives. He had chosen a life of drugs that I could not save him from. I had to let go and let God...and as any mother knows....that is the most difficult thing in life to do where your children are concerned.
I watched my youngest fight a nasty battle with seizures and spent a great deal of my summer in either the ER or the hospital with him. I spent many an hour praying for an answer and a solution and had to come to the realization that this might very well be our lives for a long time to come...if not permanently.
I had to stand back and watched friends, family and friends who were as close as family suffer. I watched several friends find lumps in their breast and suffer through first the not knowing and then later for some.....the knowing. You pray for them and try to be there for them....but always in the back of your mind you know that the next lump found might be yours.
I became very attached emotionally through fb to a little cousin whom I have never met. He battled a fairly rare form of brain cancer for not the first time....but the second time. At four he put up a brave battle and thanks to his mother and grandma.....those who knew and loved him and those who only knew of him and grew to love him got to be apart of this special young mans life. When his mother posted news of his death.....I cried. It was not just a few tears here and there....it was a flood gate of tears let loose that I had not cried in years. The sadness I felt was almost unbearable at that moment....and yet nothing compared to what his parents and brother must have been going through. It was a moment I will never forget.
I watched several friends struggle in relationships. The upheaval of years, mistakes, misunderstandings and miscommunication toook its toll and caused in some cases.....unfixable divides.
The worst situation which I had to stand by and feel helpless in, was the loss of a woman who in many ways had been a surrogate mother to me over the years. Her children were my dearest friends and over a period of months I watched worry and sadness, sometimes even anger and frustration creep into their faces and hearts as their mother didn't recover from a surgery she should have easily come back from. She grew increasingly week, ill and immobile and they ended up losing her on Thanksgiving and having to spend their first Christmas ever without her. Watching their pain, mixed with my own emotions over the loss of yet another person I loved did not make for an easy holiday season for anyone involved.
In my home we dealt with mono, the worst case of the flu any of us had had in years, growing pains, high school angst, young love, family tiffs, a horrendous checking account error, an oven door falling off, a ceiling leak, and all the other day to day minor catastrophe's that happen in the place that I fondly call....Lisaland. On the surface....who could blame me for wanting to escort 2010 out in a rush with the hopes that 2011 had something much better to offer?
The truth is....there is two sides to every coin (another of my mom's favorite sayings). The financial worries and miscalculated bank funds were definitely no fun, but the upside was I had a dear friend step in and help me sort out the financial mess. Together we got it all down on paper and got headed in the right direction to fix that which felt unfixable. I was also presented with a job opportunity which worked around sick kids, trips to the ER/hospital, and other varied family crisis. It got me out of the house on a daily basis and introduced me to a wonderful boss and co-workers. It was a true blessing. Then there was the surprise of my cheesecakes becoming a small business of sorts. Thanks to my family and close friends who were already occasional customers spreading the word about my cheesecakes....and a couple of Facebook posts about my making cheesecakes.....the next thing I knew I was actually making quite a few cheesecakes. Then a wonderful friend put a good word in for me and my cheesecakes at a local restaurant and before I knew it....."they" were ordering from me. It was simply amazing!
Speaking of amazing and friends......I have many amazing friends in my life. This year I have been blessed beyond words. I have a friend who has become my cheesecake biz savior. He has made me a website (www.thecheesecakechick.biz), sent me tools and supplies to help the marketing end and who has spread the word far and wide about my cheesecakes. I have another set of friends who knew that the computer I was using was on its last leg. Suddenly out of the blue.....I was blessed with a new computer delivered to my home. Again....the word amazing comes to mind.
Then there was that little financial checking account error I have referred to. It is amazing what the misplacement of a zero or two can do to cause a ripple effect of bank charges and overdrafts. That and forgetting to pay a bill because your son is in the hospital and then getting your power turned off and a $150 charge to get it turned back on....on top of the bill that was owed.....well that can make you want to run screaming into traffic. However.....I have some very awesome friends who went out of their way to take up a collection for me and make sure all was taken care of. Some of these friends I have never even met face to face....only through Facebook.....but they were generous beyond words and their generosity will never be forgotten.
Finally in the friend department.....there are those who are just always there. There is the one who fixed my bathroom ceiling when the leak ruined it and who always comes when I need him whether it be a house repair, a new counter top, or to move something in or out of my house. The two who always have my back....regardless of what I do or how I do it; the one who showed up at the hospital not once but twice at a moments notice to make sure I wasn't alone; the one who dropped everything to pick us up from the hospital when we didn't have the car; the one who fixed my unfixable oven door; the one who fixed my mower; the one who tried to fix my other mower; the ones who built me a ramp so David could get easily in and out of the house; the one who takes such wonderful care of David after school; the one who doesn't live close....but always seems to be there when I need him; the ones who live in TX and I miss on a daily basis; and finally all those who pray for me when I need it and laugh and joke with me when I need that too. Yes....in the friend department....I am so blessed.
In many other ways....2010 has had it's positives. David has had a wonderful school year so far and is progressing beautifully. Zachary was in his first high school musical. I got to sit in the audience and watch my son do something he loved. Then I got to turn around and watch him preform his first solo on stage. It was wonderful and made my heart sore. I was so proud.
I was finally able to mend fences with my older son and watch him start to turn his life around. I was also to a point where I was able to take the relationship with him in baby steps and not throw my whole heart under the bus at once.
I joined both Weight Watchers and a gym. As of today I have lost 25 lbs. and my blood pressure and cholesterol are both perfect.
I made new friends this year, reconnected with old friends and became closer to those in my life who are always there.
Finally I realized just the other day that as 2010 leaves me.....so does a pretty rough decade in my life. It was the year 2000 that David was born prematurely, 2001 that my dear husband Tim died, and 2002 that I lost my wonderful mother. The years since haven't been much to brag about either. So maybe.....it is time for a new decade.....and with it.....some joy, laughter, love and peace.
Someone asked me the other day what my new years resolution for 2011 is. I jokingly said...."to stay out of ER's and hospitals!" I think though....my resolution for 2011 is.....to be happy! Maybe that is a resolution that I won't break.
So to all my family and friends and to all those who read my blog......I wish you all much laughter, much love and great peace in 2011!
Happy New Year to all!