In Search of Me

I am late again. Too many reasons to even go into. Let us just leave it at.....today was not one of my better days. If I were you Anonymous....I would keep your nasty little opinion to yourself or you might be on the receiving end of a barrage that you are not prepared for. Just sayin'!

Okay....last day (for now) I promise. Please let me hear your voice so I can make my blog readable to the masses (okay maybe just the few) but I want people who read it....to like it. So go to the top right corner and if you haven't voted...please do so. Who knows....starting this week...you may see some changes....generated by your votes!

Yesterday, I was submitting  some paperwork for my class.....and one of the questions was: Tell us about yourself in 500 words or less. For real? I choose less. Way less!  In fact I am much better with the one word descriptions. You know....happy, pissed, angry, full! Those are the descriptions I like. This 500 word stuff is impossible for me. Then I got thinking. Over the years....I have had to fill out such things like that to describe my kids and each time I knocked it out in just mere minutes. "He is happy, loves life and loves to laugh." "He is very intelligent, learns quickly and loves to perform." I could literally go on for 500 words and beyond about these kids....so why not me? Then it hit me. I can talk and write so freely and easily about them because I know them so well. I know what they like and what they don't like. I know what makes them happy and what makes them furious. I know their favorite foods, tv shows, and song of the minute. I know my kids. I however....do not know myself.....and you can't write about that which you do not know!

EUREKA!!!! It was as if a light bulb glowed brightly above my head. I don't have a clue about ME! For years I was Mary's daughter, the nail lady, Man child's mother, Tim's wife and now Z and David's mom, The Cheesecake Chick and the "old" lady who works at THAT computer place. And all of these persona's have their own expectations and responsibilities but none really help me to know who Lisa is. In each role I usually do the task at hand and in some cases like what "they" like and do what they do, but most of the time...it is never about me. Yes....I just heard that cosmic Guffaw......and yes I still believe most things are about me.....I just have to figure out who "me" is.

For years....I have listened to music that they liked....not so much me. I have watched shows that they liked......again....not so much me. I have eaten food, talked to people and even had cordial relationships with people that they liked. I have dressed for, cut my hair for, worn/not worn makeup for, shopped for, and pretended for everyone else in my life. Is it any wonder that I can't put more than one word in a sentence together to describe myself? I have no stinking identity. So there leaves the question......who the heck am I?

Perhaps this explains my issues with writing about me and telling stories about me. You simply can't write or tell about what you don't know. Damn....almost 29 and I have no clue who I am. (Shut up all of you....do not contradict a woman whose is deep in  thought!) So maybe in order to make Wednesday's more interesting....I need to embark on a journey.  Maybe I need to find out who Lisa really is. Anyone want to come along for the ride? Anyone want to make any suggestions for getting in touch with the Lisa side of me? Lets just see how many brave souls are out there.

Well...this is where it stands. I am me...but I have no idea who me is. I plan on going in search of me....but how can you search for that which you don't know? Again....I could be really screwed!

Here is hoping that your day is much better than mine and that whatever is left of your Wednesday doesn't suck!

Dating 101 or How to Find a Man in Lisaland.....Suggestions?!

Yes....this is me beating a dead horse. There are only two days left to vote in my blog poll in the right hand corner. Please vote and let me know what you like and what you don't. This lets me know if I need to change up topics or not. I am shooting for at least fifteen (15) voters if possible....more would be awesome. So if you haven't voted.....I would take it as a personal favor if you did.

Okay, so last week after I wrote my Dating 101 blog, I got a sweet email from a young couple from Louisiana. Apparently she (Dani) is a reader of my blog and she got her fiance (Dean) reading my dating blog too. Their email was to encourage me and update me on the finer points of dating since my obvious lack of skills is what is undoubtedly standing in my way. The first part of the email says:

Dear Cmom,
My fiance Dean and I love your blog and love that you are putting yourself back out there after all these years. (Wanted to growl at this point....but they are correct...it has been a whole lot of years. Grrrrrr...anyway!) Dean and I just got engaged after dating for forever and we plan on getting married next spring. (I later learn that forever was 6 months and they are respectively 24 and 25). We think that not only is it awesome that you are doing this whole dating thing but that you are letting us read it as you get back out there. But since we have had more current practice than you, we thought we would give you some dating advice. This probably won't make your blog, but even if it doesn't and you just use one or two of our suggestions, maybe this will help you find the man of your dreams like I found mine. (This was just too cute and too sweet not to use. And besides...they are the only ones who have sent me any advice.....even if they are a "little" younger than myself.)

The email goes on to say how they met (a party) and  how he proposed (at the fair on the ferris wheel) and also says that they are deliriously happy and she wants the whole world to be that way too. This is why they decided to reach out to me. So here are the things that Dani and Dean think I need to do to find a man in Lisaland.

First of all..... I have no game. What the heck is game? I am assuming it means I have no skills where dating is concerned. I thought we had already established that. Anyway....game is apparently a good thing and something I need to get. (If I can't buy it at the store...I am screwed).

 Now here are ten (10) suggestions they made for me to get back on the dating horse and get some game.

1) Have a friend have a party and have all of your other friends invite all the single guys they know. (And this might work....if I was 25. At my age.....most of the guys any of my friends know fit into one of three categories: married, divorced x number of times and has no intentions of anything more serious than sex, or gay).

2) Just go to a bar and sit at the bar and see how many guys approach you. (Sorry...but my self esteem is way too fragile for that).

3) Go to a public place and the first cute guy you see....give him your phone number. (Ummm...no! For more reasons than I have the time to write).

4) Join a club that interests you and you just might find Mr. Right. (I doubt I am going to find him at a crocheting club.....but you never know).

5) Go to a car show and hang around. Lots of cute guys at car shows. (Now this is actually a good idea except for one thing. I love car shows so there is every possibility that I would be more involved with the cars than the guys.)

6) Take a wood shop class. (Again....another decent idea except for the fact that I have always wanted to do this, so chances are that yet again I would be more involved with learning than meeting guys. Course.....you never know!)

7) Have a friend set you up on a blind date. (Ouch.....blind dates? That is waaaaaay out of my comfort zone).

8) Get on a dating site and take it seriously. (Oh you two. Have you not been reading my blog? I take as little as possible seriously. Especially dating sites).

9) Join a gym and start talking up the guys. (I belong to a gym and the time of day I usually go....very early morning....there are usually no guys there).

10) Join a widow/widowers support group. (I have actually thought of this, just don't know when I would fit that into my schedule).

All in all....the ideas were great and I thank you Dani and Dean for caring enough to give me your thoughts. And yes....you did make the blog.

So what do you all think? Are these valid ideas? After going back and rereading their ideas and my responses....I smell an amazing case of really cold feet on my end. Oh and....... I have no game. So here is where you my readers come in. Not am I only asking you to vote today....but I am asking for your comments and I hope to get a lot. What are your ideas for Lisa to find a man in Lisaland? What do you think I should do to get some game?  Do you like any of Dani and Deans ideas? If so elaborate. Oh and Annonymous. That's right....I'm calling you out. You always tell me what you think I do wrong. Tell me what you think I need to do to make my dating world right? I will be wating to hear from you all.

Happy Tuesday peeps. May this be an extraordinary day for us all!

Mom's Comfort Foods

Yes....Lisa here again, reminding you that if you haven't voted on the little poll up in the right hand corner of my blog.....to please do so. I want to know what you like. Also....if you have any suggestions for other topics, I would love to hear them. I like the topic days....but I want topics that interest my readers as well as myself so please vote and then comment at will.

Yesterday was crazy! The project that I am working on may just be a go! But whether it is or it isn't....some much needed changes in my life are currently going on. Remodeling changes that is. My kitchen has been in sad need for awhile now and by the end of September....hopefully it will be done. Just hope I can get some sleep between now and then. There is just so much going on! Oy!

Well it is Monday again and time to see what's cookin'! Today I am sharing a couple of recipes passed down from my mother. My mother grew up at the end of the  dust bowl days in Oklahoma. Meals weren't fancy and most were of a meat and potatoes variety. Even as times grew less lean, growing up in a family of 11 kids, no one had the time or probably the culinary know-how to get too fancy, so meals still remained pretty much on a simple yet hardy scale.  In turn....that was the kind of cook my mom was for us kids. She was not fancy....just straight forward. She never strayed from the basics but we never went hungry. While I think my first recipe....Mom's Meatloaf was a creation of Mom's which I have tweaked a little over the years, my second recipe.....Mashed Potato Salad came from my grandmother. Both were favorites of mine growing up and have been made numerous times over the years for my kids. They are the essence of comfort foods to me and take me back to wonderful times with my mom every time I make them. I hope you try them out and then let me know what you think.

Mom's Meatloaf

1lb hamburger meat
1 beef bouillon cube
1 c. boiling water
Approximately 1 c. Pepperidge Farm stuffing mix (whichever kind you like)
1 med. onion minced
1 pkg. Lipton onion soup mix
1 small can mushrooms (drained)
2 eggs
1 TBSP. Worcestershire Sauce
1-2 TBSP. Parmesean Cheese

Add beef boullion cube to 1 c. boiling water. Set aside.
In a large bowl, crumble up raw hamburger meat. Crack the eggs into the meat and mix by hand. Then add the onion, onion soup mix (dry), mushrooms, Worcestershire Sauce and Parmesean  and mix by hand until all is incorporated.
Once bouillon cube is dissolved in boiling water, mix with a spoon. Then add stuffing mix until it is the consistency of a fairly wet stuffing. Then add to meat mixture. When all is thoroughly mixed, put into a 9x13 Pam sprayed baking dish. Bake for 30 minutes at 350 degrees. Remove from oven and drain any grease and then cover top with ketchup. Return to oven for 10 more minutes. Remove and let set about 10 minutes before serving. This is awesome when hot and great the next day for cold meatloaf sandwiches or rewarmed for leftovers. It is my favorite meatloaf of all time.

Mashed Potato Salad

5 lbs. potatoes peeled, boiled and mashed or 8 cups instant mashed potatoes made per directions. (This is one recipe where instant potatoes are awesome)
1 large onion diced
6 hard boiled eggs chopped up
1 small-med.  jar of sweet gherkin pickles chopped up (reserve juice)
1 1/2 c. miracle whip
1/4 c. sugar
1/4 c. cider vinegar
Salt and pepper to taste
Paprika (if desired)

Put mashed potatoes in a large bowl. Add onion, eggs and pickles and mix thoroughly. In a med. size bowl, add miracle whip, sugar, pickle juice and vinegar. Mix until dressing consistency. (Tweak it to your liking. More or less of any ingredient is fine, just give it a good dressing consistency). Mix the dressing into the potatoes. When thoroughly combined add salt and pepper to taste and if desired, sprinkle the top with Paprika. Put in the refrigerator to chill. This is so good with burgers, hot dogs or just about any kind of summer time fare. It is best when chilled 2 or more hours.

Well...there you have it. While I realize that meatloaf and potato salad are an acquired taste to many and even if you like them.....most have their own versions they like, I encourage you to try these two anyway and as always....let me know what you think. 

Here is hoping that your Monday is full of happiness and joy and doesn't turn out to be anything at all like a typical Monday.  Have a great day!

Why Me Lord?

Just a reminder....there are only a few days left to vote in the poll at the top right corner of my blog. Please vote. Number one....it helps me to give my readers what I know they want to read and two....it helps me to know that I have readers. It only takes a second and I would really appreciate it. Thanks in advance!!!!

It happened yet again today. I sat in church and the sermon came off the pulpit as if it was directed at me. Yes....I have been questioning again. I have been worried and unsure and maybe even doing a little of the "why me Lord" stuff. By the way....I hate the why me stuff, but I am human and every once in a while.....it just seeps out. So as I sat there....Father began a story about a young man named Eugene Orowitz. You see Orowitz was in high school and one of the smallest ones in his class. In gym, the teacher had the kids throwing the javelin. All the other boys had taken their turn and then the teacher asked if Orowitz would like to try. Amidst some teasing he said that he would and he imagined himself a warrior throwing his spear. Low and behold....his went twice as far as anyone elses and landed in the bleachers. Once retrieved it was revealed the javelin had broken its tip. The teacher told Orowitz that it was no longer any good to the school so he if wanted it....he could have it. Orowitz took that javelin home and spent all summer working with it. By the start of school, he was the star javelin thrower. By the time he graduated high school he had lettered in the sport and received an athletic scholarship to the University of Southern California. It was a dream come true. During his first year of college he was at a meet and didn't warm up properly. When Orowitz threw the javelin....he tore his shoulder ligaments thus ending his athletic career as well as his academic one. He quit college to go to work in a warehouse. How sad this was for a young man who had worked so hard to acheive his dreams, only to have them destroyed by an injury. At such a young age, his life seemed to derail and head into a completely different direction. One that couldn't possibly hold a candle to a college education. I am sure he said "why me" at least once. Who wouldn't? I was right there with him as Father spoke, thinking my life is nothing like I planned it to be. Little if anything that I dreamed of as a teen on the brink of adulthood came true and here I sit with a life completely different of how I thought it would be. Hmmmm!

But Eugene Orowitz story did not end in the warehouse. In fact....the warehouse was just the beginning, because here he met an actor who saw potential in the young Orowitz. In fact he saw so much potential that it wasn't anytime before Orowitz left his warehouse role to take on a new role.....as Little Joe Cartwright on Bonanza. And if you are of the age to know whom I am referring to, you will know that Orowitz also went on to direct and star in both Little House on the Prairie and Highway to Heaven. Of course I am talking about Michael Landon who changed his name from Eugene Orowitz when he started acting. Apparently in an interview given during his long and prolific career.....Landon stated that tearing those ligaments and losing his scholarship though he didn't realize it at the time.....was the best thing that had ever happened to him. God had other plans for him and the javelin throwing was just the beginning.

Okay....I got it! You don't have to slap me out of the pew more than once during a sermon. I know when God and/or Father are trying to tell me something. Just because we want something doesn't mean it is always what is best for us and just because we lose something doesn't mean something better isn't just around the corner. Sometimes we just have to go through what we have to go through.....to get to where we need to be. A very wise man used to say these words to me and I have lived by those words since....that is....when I am not asking "why me?"

So again...this was one of those sermons that has remained with me long after Mass was over. I really did get it. No....my life has not always gone where I wanted it to and I haven't always been able to get the things, do the things or have the people in my life that I wanted to....but there is a reason. Even if I don't understand it and yes.....even when I lose things....I usually do get something that I sometimes didn't even know I wanted. Somehow....things always just seem to work out. Which brings me to now. Looking back....even though my life has derailed more than once, I can't say that I would trade the path that I have ended up on. Easy? No. But most of the time....so worth it. So why should right here and right now be any different? I still have hopes and dreams and many, many wishes and some will happen and some won't. What I need to remember though is....what doesn't happen the way I want it to....doesn't mean that something else won't happen that is better and wonderful and best of all.....a bit unexpected. That is what makes life exciting and mysterious and so worth the journey. It is all.....just a matter of patience. Oh....did I mention that I don't have any? Guess I better get to working on them.

Well...this is the spiritual side of me today. It was a lesson well learned and one I am so glad I was present for. Maybe not everything I want is in my future....but it is guaranteed that everything I need will be........and best of all......when I least expect it! And on that note.....I will leave you with just three words: God is good!

Happy Sunday!

RANT! RANT! RANT!

RANT! RANT! RANT! It is a good thing I left myself a rant day.....'cause today I am making good use of it. First though.....I need some feed back dear readers....and not exactly the "Anonymous" kind. If you look over in the right hand corner of my blog....there is a little poll. For those of you that have been reading for awhile, I would like you to put your favorite day(s) of this month. I am trying to decide if I need to change anything for September or keep things as they are. So far I have gotten pretty fair reviews on my topic days and LOTS of comments, but it is all about the readers. Okay.....we all know that really it is all about me.....but I need the feed back, so if you will just vote....I will be forever in your debt!

Now onto the RANT portion of our program. Today I seem to have so much to rant about (probably making up for last weeks non-rant day) that I am about to explode. So here is not just one rant....but a whole bunch put together.

First of all....let me start with Wesley Hospital and their parking garage. You people suck! Who blocks off all the parking spaces that are close to the door and where all the handicap parking is? On your best day your parking garage is a cluster f@&k and you can't find your car, but when you have everything up close blocked and you have two way traffic in a one way space.....you need to be shut down for stupidity. What are you trying to do....drum up some ER business? Don't my boys keep you busy enough?????? Taking David to have surgery was a nightmare. Once inside things were fine, but having to park in BFE and then having to find said parking space when I was finished was horrible. Add to that....trying to get a doped up 70 lb. child from his wheel chair to the car seat when he is dead weight...... and you have one really pissed off parent. Then having to turn around when there is no place to turn around and then go the opposite way of the major traffic in a space meant for only one way traffic and all bets are off on how nice I am going to be next time I have to visit their establishment. All I could think was....this must be what hell is like!

Then there was the rest of this week. I felt like all I did was juggle balls in the air. No...no ones in particular....just balls. My brain spent just about every waking hour working on this project or that project. I am too old for this kind of mental aerobics. Every night I was so exhausted that I couldn't slow down to go to sleep. I spent the entire week beyond tired. And no....I do not blame my extra curricular activities of last weekend...or the fact that I have not caught my sleep up yet. I do however get really tired of telling people what they should do and no one listening. And no...this is not "it's all about me and you should listen," it is however,  "I know what the hell I am talking about....so you should listen!" Education, experience and wisdom should count for something in this world....I am just waiting for those around me to figure it out so I can say...."I TOLD YOU SO!" Yeah! That's just who I am right now!

Then there are those who are trying to high pressure me about a business venture. Again...I am not stupid, but I am also not afraid to learn. Many good points were made to me this week, but at the same time....I am being pressured to do something I am not sure I am ready for. In order to be ready....I need to do my homework and get my facts and figures together....which I am perfectly capable of doing sans the adding and subtracting (I hate numbers) but apparently this individual doesn't want me doing too much thinking and a lot more reacting. It ain't gonna happen and he is threatening to pull the deal in a very "nice" way. My last words to him today....."Go ahead!" If I can't make sure it is a good deal for me....then I don't need it. Needless to say....I have probably offended someone else....and this time....in person! Who knew?!

And finally....I just feel blah! I had so much research to do that I am just now getting my blog written. I slept too late this morning and after a certain point...it ceased to be any kind of a restful sleep. I made a mistake with someone that I feel really bad about as I do try to pride myself on some things that I do. My house looks like a bomb went off in it. Z has strep throat and my dog has horrid gas and thinks that next to me is the appropriate place to lay and expel! In the midst of all of this....I rolled over on an open stapler and nailed my leg. Yes folks....this is why I rant!

The upside to today is.....I finally got my punching bag. This just may save all in my house and any who dare enter.

On this note....I will wish you a tremendous Saturday...or whatever is left of it. Happy Saturday!

Motherhood for Dummies.....I Survived Motherhood

Motherhood! It is that place in time...somewhere between you can't wait for them to arrive and you can't wait for them to leave. I have always said how wise God was when He gave us children as infants. They are so tiny and cute and you just want to hold and squeeze them. But by the time you learn how they really are.....they are too big to send back and you have already spent way to much on them to make the return....cost effective.

Once they are here and belong to us outright....we begin spending our time wishing. We wish they would learn to talk and then we wish they would just shut up. We wish they would learn to walk and then we wish they would just sit still. We wish they would learn to drive....and then we wish they would just make curfew. All that wishing makes us old before our time. Not them though. They have endless energy and the speed of a puma. They don't listen and in the blink of an eye....they are wiser than you and in their infinite wisdom they let you know daily how ridiculously stupid you are. Funny though....in all our stupidity, we are the ones they run to for gas money, clothes money, and miscellaneous funds. Amazing how we are wise enough to handle their finances but apparently not smart enough to dress ourselves properly or be seen with them in public. Yep....this is what Motherhood is all about. 

I look at the "cool moms" and wonder how in the heck they ever achieved that status? Do they buy their kids alcohol, let them have co-ed sleepovers or did they just get some "cool mom" memo that I missed? Sadly....my kids are stuck with me and they let me know on a regular basis just how uncool, mean and totally out of touch I am. I expect respect, chores are done, curfews are kept and I make the rules. They also know that the rules can change at any time and "because I said so," is sometimes all the answer they are going to get. Guess I will never make it in the "cool mom" club. Sigh!

Motherhood is not easy and sometimes it is neither fun nor rewarding.....(regardless of what the commercials and the greeting cards try to tell us.) Motherhood causes you to sing Barney songs in the checkout line at the grocery store and to show up for work with baby puke down your back. Motherhood causes you to have a black eye from a strategically thrown 9 month olds head and leads you to find cheerios in your purse. Motherhood is soothing bruised knees and bruised hearts. It's crying on your child's first day of school....and then again on their last day. Motherhood is screaming over toilet seats that aren't put down, clothes that aren't folded and rooms that aren't cleaned. It's dinners shared, homework done together and vacations full of memories. Motherhood is every joy, every pain and the most unbelievable love you never knew you could ever possibly feel for another living soul......all rolled into one.

Quite honestly.....there are days when my kids make my world go round and then there are days that I would gladly pay someone just.....to take them away. My kids are smart and articulate and almost paid for....so I guess I better keep them. Okay....Motherhood doesn't always suck and as jobs go...it's not too bad.....but please don't tell the kids I said that.....we don't need a mutiny on our hands. Besides...with any luck their will come a day when I can proudly say......I survived Motherhood!



 Here is hoping that you have a fun filled Friday. Happy Friday everyone!

No Room For Liars

Thursday all ready??? Where is the time going? Last night was fun. I got to spend time with Chris and her son for their respective birthdays and I got to see some more friends that I hadn't seen in awhile. Oh...and I got to hold the most precious baby girl for quite awhile. She was soooo cute and I really didn't want to give her back. Trust me....thoughts of putting her in my purse and walking out were definitely going through my head. It was a really nice night.

Today we are back To Like or Dislike. Well, there has been a recurring issue going through my life lately and that is what today's dislike is all about. I can deal with a lot of things from alot of  people.  Bad attitudes and bad reactions rarely phase me....after all I have had kids. However...the one thing I cannot deal with..... is a liar. Now I am not claiming that I have never stretched the truth and I am sure there have been times that I flat out told some whoppers, but I learned early on that one lie always leads to another and before long....you have either completely lost the truth or gotten so wrapped up in the lies that you catch yourself up. Lies always have consequences....and the biggest one is....if you get caught, it negatively reflects how people view you and how they react to you. Even a small lie can bite you. As human nature can tell you, if you will lie about the small things, then who knows how you will react to the big ones? It's a pretty sure bet you won't react honestly.

Lies can tear apart family relationships, friendships and work relationships. Once you are caught....you become a pariah of sorts. People lose faith in you, your word and your ability to honestly carry out what needs to be done. No one likes to be lied to....and no one likes to be called a liar. Especially if it is true. 

My kids have tried it. All kids do. I think though they have learned that the consequences aren't worth the action as privileges and allowances cease to exist for them. I do however expect my kids to lie when they are young. To some degree it is part of the learning process to see how far they can push. As a parent....I put up my boundaries and they know that lying crosses the line and the consequences are quite unpleasant. That is the way it should be! What should not be though, is a grown person who lies as easily as they breathe. I run into so many of those....I could just scream.

One instance is a family member. I am not sure whether he lies to everyone or just me, but I would surmise that if you are willing to lie to one....then you are probably an equal opportunity liar. You can never ask this person anything and have any faith that the response will even hold and ounce of truth. And worse....sometimes he lies without provocation. He initiates the lie and carries it out without anyone even asking him. When caught though....and I always know because he, like all liars, has very distinctive "tells", gets bitterly angry. He acts insulted and furious that someone would call him a liar when the reality is.....he is angry because he got caught. I have spent years dealing with this individual and being lied to at every turn. There have even been times that I tried with all my heart to believe that which I knew deep down was a lie....but then the issue stopped being his and started being mine. I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't trust what he said and because of that....I knew I couldn't trust what he did. The lies finally became too much and eventually I just had to walk away.....family or not.

Recently I have been caught up in someone else's lies. I have watched this individual lie for awhile now. Most of the lies have appeared to be fairly insignificant, but this person has major tells that they aren't aware of and with each lie the tells are quite obvious. I really tried to ignore the lies because I liked this person and really didn't want to think negatively about them. The lies continued to build and then recently this person was caught in a very major lie. Not only did they lie, but they brought others into the lie. This person got caught....but not before a lot of damage was done to everyone involved. It almost destroyed a very important relationship too. Once caught though.....they did not understand why others were angry at them and they did their best to deflect both the blame and the consequences off on others. It was a bad situation and it was at the place where I couldn't help but start to look at this person very differently. Then a really horrible situation happened involving this person. While the situation was not really their fault...how they handled it....was. Suddenly when the finger was pointing at them....they started finger pointing at everyone else. I was pulled into something I knew very little about and had  absolutely nothing to do with. Then this  person started lying right and left. The bad thing was....this person was believing their own lies the minute they left their mouth. They were snow balling and dragging a lot of people down with them. It was pathetic and tragic and very unnecessary. Now I am faced with the possibility of having to deal with this person on a daily basis again....and I just don't know that I can. The lies are not going to stop and I don't have the energy or desire to have to sift through every word said to me to find the truth. I am disgusted to the point of being physically sick.

I have to ask....why lie? Why not just tell the truth in the first place? It is so difficult to have to keep coming up with lies and trying to remember who you told what to. If you just start out with the truth....you don't end up twisted up in dishonesty. You also don't end up alienating everyone in your path.

As I said, I can deal with a lot, but lying and liars are just too much for me. There is simply no room in my life...... for liars. On that note...I think I will leave you with a smile and a wish for a very wonderful Thursday. Happy Thursday everyone!!!!

The Scar

So I am not gonna lie....Wednesday's are hard. I am not good at actually revealing myself without a topic. You would think at my age....the stories would just be oozing out my pores...but the truth is, I am just not that interesting. Well....maybe except for last weeks revelation that I wear a push up bra. That seemed to garner some attention.....and some looks and comments this weekend. Of all the things I have written this year....THAT was the thing people paid attention to. I had to laugh.

In stressing over something to tell on myself about....I did remember a little diddy from 2003. It was an incident that I shall never forget.....due to the fact I carry a permanent scar from it. My children will not forget it because it scared them to death. Berty will likely not forget it because she got drug out of bed in the middle of the night.

Those that know me....know that I am a clutz. I have fallen down stairs, up stairs, off of a ladder, out of a chair and off the bed of a truck. I have slipped in the tub, on wet rocks at the lake, and slid across a skating rink on my bottom lip after tripping over a four year old. There is simply no end to my ability to inflict pain upon myself. The fact that I have only managed one set of injury related stitches and only one broken toe in my life is a minor miracle. I do however have deep scars on my elbow, my chin, my shin and my bottom lip from instances of clutzery that have not required medical attention. And I can't count the number of times I have knocked the wind out of myself from skiing (both water and snow).... I am no longer welcome on any slope in CO in fact I may not even be allowed back in the state. My point is.....I stand up....I fall down....I get hurt! It is a vicious cycle with me.

When we moved  back into my childhood home after my mother died.....we moved in amongst her things. My house was overflowing with both her stuff and my stuff. It took forever to get two households down to one. My bedroom was on the top level as was Z's and David at the time. Man-child's was in the basement with a level between us. As we were moving in.....all the rooms were packed to the ceiling with boxes and we were slowly but surely making our way through stuff and weeding out what we were to keep and what we were to toss. Each night I went to bed exhausted and in my room was nothing but a pathway through all the excess.

One night after a long day....I was beyond tired. I had gone to bed and was sleeping soundly when something brought me right up out of bed. To this day I have no idea what the sound was.....all I know is I jumped before realizing where I was and what was around me. I started to fly out my door when I caught my foot on a cord. As I flew up into the air....I became completely awake and alert. It was like a slow motion cartoon. I kept hearing this shrill, grating sound and not until I began to come back down to earth did I realize that sound....was me. I sounded like an airade siren going off. This in turn startled David awake and set him to crying because of the ungodly sounds coming from his mother. The two noises......me screaming and David crying, then brought Z straight out of bed and he came flying into my room. Just as he hit my door.....I landed chin first on the corner of my tv stand which the cord had been attached to the tv it held up. As I hit........my whole body jarred and I felt as if my jaw was locked permanently. The pain was excrutiating and all I could do was slide on down the tv stand and land with my nose and forehead planted firmly on the floor. Poor Z saw me laying there with my legs in the air and my face in the floor moaning.

Not having any clue what to do and not being fully awake himself....he began to dance in circles saying "Mom are you okay? Are you hurt? Do I need to do something?" I couldn't lift my head off the floor the pain was so bad. Z came over and lifted my head up by my hair.....I let out a cry of pain....scaring him and causing him to slam my face back down into the floor. I screamed....he screamed and David screamed. Z resumed his dance as I lay there moaning. He kept saying "Mom talk to me!" It must have been at this time that he saw the blood....because he let out a blood curdling scream and flew down the stairs. I laid there wondering what I looked like at that moment and why he had screamed. With the pain I was feeling.....I would not have been surprised to see my face split open, missing teeth, or my chin protruding from my skin.

Apparently once Z saw the blood...he was fully awake and decided that was the time to bring Man-child into the mix. MC came flying up the stairs not having a clue why his brother had come running down the stairs  jumping on him screaming "Hurry.....Mom....Blood!" Only about half awake he managed to trip over my legs as he came bolting in my room.....nearly falling on top of me. Still unable to move or speak.....MC kept asking me questions as I lay there and whimpered. Not being able to see my face as I was still face planted in the floor....he too grabbed my hair to examine my face only to slam it once again into the floor after he was startled by my scream. Realizing I couldn't stay face down on the floor....he slowly began to roll me over. I must have looked a sight as the words "Oh God!" came out as he looked at my face for the first time. He continued asking me questions which I was still not able to answer and all that came out where inaudible whimpers and moans. He apparently decided at that point that this was more of job than he and Z could handle on their own so the next thing I knew he was calling Berty. Now mind you....it was in the vicinity of 2 a.m. and the middle of winter....but Berty being the trooper she is....trudged out.

Moments after MC had been on the phone and frantically told Berty that I had fallen, I was bleeding and I couldn't speak.....the pain or shock or both started to subside a bit. My whole body still felt as if I had slammed into a brick wall, but slowly I was able to lift my head and then my body from the floor. MC tried to help me to a chair as Z started shrieking...."don't move her....she could be bleeding internally," (too many medical shows for that young man!) As I sat up and got my witts about me....I slowly tried to open my mouth. I figured if my jaw was broken the mouth would not move or would be so painful I couldn't talk. I could talk. My first word....."Ouch!" I made my way to my mirror to see blood dripping from my chin but no defined cut. It was like the imprint of the corner of the tv stand had just left a dotted line on my chin and through those dots was seeping blood. It was really very strange. There was no swelling....but there was some bruising. The major bruising though.....was actually on my forehead where people kept pulling my head up and then slamming my face back into the ground.

Soon I could hear Berty running up my stairs and I sat fixated on the blood flowing from the dots. I must have looked awful because Berty snickered at the sight of me looking at my chin. "What did you do?" she asked trying not to put the inflection of (this time) on the end of the question. "I fell!" was all that I could muster feeling both in pain and just the slightest bit embarrassed. Z immediately jumped in and gave Berty his version of the events that took place....complete with Mom's feet in the air and her face in the floor and her weird unnatural screeching. By the time the story was finished....Berty's snickering had turned to full fledged laughter. I was glad one of us was amused. After looking at my chin and being as perplexed as I was at how there was a lot of blood for no real cut.....she then began shoving things in my room to the side and making a very wide path from my bed to the door....snickering all the while she did it. I just sat there feeling that I should look a whole lot worse than I did considering how I felt at that moment. Berty got everyone back to bed and then she said....."Do I need to say around for Act II?" "Just shut up and go!" I growled. You could hear her laughing all the way out the door.

So the next day.....Project Declutter was stepped up and by night fall.....my room was clean and clear. I sported a huge bruise across my forehead for about a week and some slight bruising on my jaw and chin for several days, but by some miracle.......the damage was no greater than that. To this day though, that strange little scar remains under my chin as a reminder of a night.....that I shall never....ever....forget!

There you have it folks.....another lesson about Lisa. Hope your day is bright, cheerful and pain free. Happy Wednesday everyone and also a shout out to my wonderful friend Chris Landis who is celebrating a birthday today. Happy Birthday Chris!

Dating 101 or How to Find a Man in Lisaland.......Kissing Frogs

You know...I was thinking about dating and something interesting came to mind. When we are young....dating is a natural thing. We are expected to date and we expect it of ourselves. However...when you reach a certain age...there is absolutely nothing natural about having to put yourself on the market again. Although, I do feel like "putting yourself on the market" is quite a good analogy, because realistically....that is exactly what you are doing. You suddenly go from being that "well lived in" model, to a "fixer upper." And we all know that the fixer uppers are not really all that marketable. That is honestly kind of how I have felt. Very unmarketable.

This last weekend was actually very good for me and my perception of myself. I spent it around people I had known for years but  don't see all that often. I took a good look around and realized that I looked as good as any of them. No....I don't have the body of a 20 year old, but then....neither did they (sorry peeps). What I have lost in figure though....I have gained in humor, experience, and the ability to really not care what others think of me. It made for a wonderful time full of laughter and fun. And honestly.....I really didn't care how others viewed me....because I viewed me as just fine. The key now is to take what I learned/felt over the weekend and keep it close for the rest of eternity.

I learned this weekend that many people seem to read my blog and are particularly interested in my  Dating 101 day.  It seems that people are very interested in my sex life or shall I say lack of a sex life and were willing to remedy that. I passed. I also had people asking me why it was so hard for me to just jump back into dating. Obviously it is not the scary swamp of fear for others that it is for me. One reason I think it is difficult is because of time. A decade is a long time to not date. I am not sure if the rules have changed. Are there even rules anymore? Second though is.....I tried to do this a couple of years ago....first long distance and then face to face with someone I had known for a long time and it really didn't work out. I got my hopes up against my better judgement....and then when we finally got to actually be in the same place at the same time, I was made to feel like less than nothing. It was really a hard pill to swallow being my first time even contemplating dating since my husband had died. The funny thing was...I had had some really unpleasant dating situations in my past (one of those charming fellows even beat the crap out of me) but I don't even think that shredded my self esteem and confidence as badly as this incident did. Maybe it was because in the past situations I didn't feel like I had set myself up for the bad ending.....like I did for this one. I had my reservations from the beginning and they proved to be valid. In the end I was made to feel like something on the bottom of his shoe....and it left me none too anxious to go through the experience again. Luckily I have learned that I did nothing wrong except for maybe putting my faith in the wrong person. I am just fine though, as the issue was his and his alone. And so now.....I am ready to move forward....a little older and a little wiser.

So what does this all mean? It means that dating in the best of situations holds no guarantees. It means nothing ventured....nothing gained and most of all....it means you may have to go through a few wrong ones before you finally find the really right one. Obviously the journey is not over for me. In fact....it has just begun. If it is meant to be....I have every faith that I will find the right one and if it is not.....then maybe I will have at least a little fun kissing a few frogs!

Casserole Crazy

Well....it's Monday again. This is both good and bad. Good....because I definitely need some consistency with a dash of normalcy thrown in for good measure. Bad because....well...I need to sleep about two more days to make up for all the sleep I lost over the weekend. But if you have to have a Monday.....this last weekend was a great lead in.

So it is raining out and making me feel very fallish once again (even though it feels to be about 80+ degrees outside). In the fall I think of comfort foods and to me....comfort foods  a lot of times come in the form of casseroles. Casseroles are favorites because there are so many concoctions and variations to any one recipe that you can have a little culinary fun. Prep time for a casserole (depending on type) is usually anywhere from 5 minutes to 30 minutes and bake time is usually anywhere from 30 min. to an hour. Casseroles can usually be prepped the night before or the morning of and then hit the oven as soon as you hit the door in the evening. Once baked....add a side dish/veggie/bread/salad and you have an easy meal with leftovers for the next day. So get ready folks....cause this is how I get casserole crazy!

My first casserole is one that was sort of suggested to  me by my mother in law and then after tweaking it.....became one of my family favorites. It is called Cabbage Casserole. Its origins began with the original Cabbage Rolls. My family loved them but for the kids.....they were just too messy and if you didn't get the cabbage cooked just right.....it either fell apart or was too tough to cut. My mother in law showed me a casserole where instead of rolling the meat and rice....you layered it with the cabbage. I took it one step further and used shredded cabbage. It is less mess (boiling the cabbage, etc.) and it gives a bit of a crunch. So here is my version of Cabbage Casserole

1lb ground beef browned
1/2 a medium onion diced and cooked with beef (may also use onion flakes to equal a 1/2 med. onion....about a tablespoon or so)
1 1/2 a large cabbage (red or green) finely chopped (coleslaw consistency) or 1 bag of already chopped coleslaw
1 giant can of tomato soup
Instant rice about 4 servings prepared according to box directions
Season salt to taste
Cracker or bread crumbs
1 TBSP of butter/margarine to dot the top with
Prepare your rice and brown your beef and onion. In a 5 qt. baking dish with a lid spray the bottom and sides with Pam. In another bowl mix the can of tomato soup with about 1/2 a can of milk or water. Whisk until smooth. In a large bowl big enough to hold all ingredients, add the rice, beef mixture and soup. Mix until all ingredients are thoroughly incorporated. Then add the finely chopped cabbage and fold it into the mixture until it is thoroughly incorporated. Add Season Salt mix again and then put all ingredients into the sprayed baking dish. Cover with cracker or bread crumbs and dot the top with butter/margarine. Bake covered for 30-45 min. at 350 degrees. This casserole is so good and because the cabbage is not as evident as in cabbage rolls....kids tend to want to eat it more. Add a salad and crusty bread and this just screams fall in a dish.

This next casserole is one of my mom's that I also tweaked a bit. It started as her own version of scalloped potatoes, but with a bit of this and that magic....it goes from a side dish to a main dish with just a few additions. This is an awesome choice for the family that is all about the meat and potatoes.
Mom's Scalloped Potatoes and Such

5 lbs med. potatoes microwaved in skins until almost soft.
1 reg. size box of Velveeta cheese
1 lg. onion thinly sliced
Milk
Your choice of 1lb of any of the following: diced ham, browned ground beef, browned sausage, sliced polish sausage, shredded roast beef or diced pork steak (have also added pepperoni....but that is an acquired taste).

Spray your 5 qt. baking dish with with pan spray. Peel your almost done microwaved potatoes and cut into thin slices. Cut your box of Velveeta into thin slices. Begin layering. Start with a layer of potatoes, then a layer of cheese, then onion, then meat. Then start the process over. Your last layer should be meat and then cover the top with cheese. You should still have a little room at the top. Take milk....about 1/2 to 1 cup and pour over entire casserole and down sides. Cover with lid and bake at 350 degrees for about 1 hour. This casserole is wonderful straight out of the over and even better as leftovers on day two. I have also added green beans or corn into the mix to change it up a bit. I usually mix them with the meat and layer them with the meat. With the added veggies you can add bread and have an entire meal or you can add a side dish or salad. Yummy!

So this is how I get casserole crazy. Believe me....there are tons more that I have up my sleeve and in my many, many, many.........cookbooks, but these rank amongst my favorites. If you give them a try....let me know what you think and if you have your own casserole idea to add.....please do so. I can always use knew ideas.

Time to get this Monday started. Hope you all have a wonderful. Happy Monday!