Reflection

It has been a weekend of some relaxation and a great deal of reflection. Actually probably more reflection than I have allowed myself in a long while. As I sit here writing this....I still feel moments of anxiousness over finances, Davids health (he is fine....I just never stop worrying about him) and a few other things that keep me awake at night from time to time. I can't help it....it is who I am. On the other hand.....there is also a little peace.

Mass has been attended, breakfast has been served and the dishes are done. I can smell the roast from the crock pot cooking and I hear David in his room laughing out loud as he plays with his toys. Z is in last minute construction mode as he makes sure he has absolutely everything he needs to start his room tomorrow. Silly boy....little does he know that rarely do we ever have everything we need when we start a project. I am sure he will be visiting Lowes several more times before his room is completed. At any rate though...my house is clean, the yard is mowed and despite my penchant for worry.....things are peaceful and relaxing.....as a Sunday morning should be.

I didn't get my planning and list making for the week done yesterday as I had hoped. It seemed that once I unburdened my brain of all my thoughts.....I was just too mentally tired to even think past the next hour, let alone make a list. I left that for today. Will it happen? Eh....

In the midst of my reflecting.....it is not lost on me.....just how blessed I am. My life is filled with much love and happiness and my family is my world. There is a great deal to be said for being able to love with your whole heart and having that love reciprocated. It is a great joy for me to see my boys growing and turning into the men they were meant to be. I am also excited to be able to watch the next generation as they come into our lives one by one.

I must not forget either.....how blessed I am with friends. I somehow have managed to maintain some really great friendships for literally decades and I have to say.....that truly does amaze me because I am just not always that friendly. Guess it goes to show that they love me for who I am and not how I always act.....which is a really good thing. I also have managed to make some amazing new friends too. Wonder if they will still hang on after they get to know me? I hope so.

Yeah....it is all about reflection today. Family, friends and the smell of a delicious pot roast cooking to perfection. Does it get any better? Right now I'd have to say.....no!

Happy Sunday y'all!

Adele, The IRS, Construction and Paula Deen

As you may have noticed,  I haven't done a lot of blogging this summer. We have been busy..busy..busy and I have loved every minute of it. Today I am actually caught up (well sort of) and I have a rare moment to reflect, plan and get my ducks in a row for next week but I can't seem to focus because of all of the unwritten thoughts in my head. I decided I better take a few minutes and blog or risk not accomplishing a thing today. You will forgive this blog I hope, as it is going to be one of those subject jumping reads that may make your head spin a bit. Can't help it. I have to clean out the log jam in my brain so that I can move on with my day or risk suffering brain overload and a day of unachieved goals.

First off....remember Little Adele, my friends daughter with the brain tumor. That poor family has been through hell and back and they have only just begun. They are learning what some of us with chronically or severely ill children also had to learn. In the constant battle to get your child well, the journey is nothing but very high peaks and very low valleys. Adele's family have seen the very low valleys starting with their child's diagnosis of a brain tumor and continuing through some of the road blocks and unexpected events that go with hospitals, treatments and all that implies. Luckily this week, Adele's family got to experience a pretty high peak as they found out that the new MRI's taken show a reduction of the main tumor and the other tumors which had also started to grow. Adele's family have asked intercessory prayers from Father Emil Kapaun. I know they want Adele to be the miracle that helps to make Father a saint. Please keep praying for this little girl and her family because this high peak will be followed by some more valley's and they need all the support both physical and spiritual, that they can get.

I am currently involved with the IRS again. I wish they would hurry up and abolish this boil on the butt of Americans. Apparently after waiting eons to get my refund.....they have now gone back to 2011 and found a discrepancy in my numbers which leaves me owing them. They have given me until July 17th to pay them in full. Hmmm....I am thinking I will call them and tell them that I am worried that their identity has been stolen and therefore I will have to go to great and time consuming lengths to make sure that they are in fact the IRS as they say they are. Now their check might be held up because my right hand doesn't know what my left hand is doing, but they need to be patient, because after all.....this is in their best interest. I expect that they might receive their payment Octoberish or Novemberish, but "if" it is actually owed them....then they can be assured they will receive it. You think they will be happy with that? The truth is....I will be making payments when and where I can. Deal with that IRS!

My house is about to become a construction zone. It is true that what we allow our last kids to do vs. what we were willing to allow our first kids to do is as different as night and day. Had my older kids taken their money to Lowes and purchased supplies to do a major remodel in any part of my house, I would have given them a resounding "NO!" and told them that I hoped they could get their money back on their purchases. Now though....I am worn down and have the attitude that if it doesn't involve me and they clean up after themselves.....I am okay with it. Yeah....so all of you young parents that think, "I will never be like that," you just wait! If they aren't doing anything illegal, harmful and it keeps them off the streets....you too will just turn a blind eye and go on about your day.

So what is said project? Z is actually making himself a "real" room. The room he currently has is part of the basement which has two makeshift 1960ish paneled walls and two cement walls. It also has old linoleum flooring that my parents put in circa 1977. That project alone made me glad that they were divorced at the time so that they could go to their neutral corners after the project was done. Divorced people should not work on home improvement jobs together! Just sayin'! As you can imagine....that flooring is nasty now and the whole room needs a make-over. Z decided to use his money and a little investment from my father (my father actually likes Z) and he and a friend under the guidance of another friend are going to build actual walls, put in a new floor, new ceiling and a door (the room has no door currently) to make it look and feel like a real room and not just another piece of the basement. Construction starts on Monday and I have earplugs ready. Will keep you updated on the progress!

Okay....anyone hiring? It appears that my finances have been stretched to the point that they are non-existent. You can only be creative with accounting to a point and I reached that point in January. Since, I have been treading water and hoping not to go under for the third time. We are now on two and half times.....the next time could be financially fatal. In short....I need a job! Sadly though....I can't take just any job. If I could I would be much richer than I currently am. As those of you who know me or follow my blog know.....I had nearly the perfect job until a year ago February when I was laid off and the business closed down. My boss let me put my kids first and if I had to leave work suddenly because of David or be gone because of David and sometimes Z......I never heard a word except "keep us posted" and "come back when you can." Since that time I have remained unemployed and have been told more than once that because of my home life....I am largely unemployable. There are things that I am very good at. Being a mom and running a home has given me many skills that make me a good employee in just about any business. I am a great people person (at least in most cases) and I love to plan things. One of the best jobs I ever had involved event planning on a large scale and it was amazing. I am proud to say that I was part of an event that brought in more than any of the previous years. Of course my dream job would be as a free lance writer. I would love to be able to write for a publication(s) from my own home, make my own schedule and BONUS....get paid for it. Dream big...right?! I decided to take my plight to the same place I take all my plights.....to Facebook. My fb friends are amazing and they always come up with ideas and suggestions that I would never have thought of. As of last night I had a whole list of ideas not to mention I had friends who shared my post so that others might see it. Monday I begin my search and who knows.....maybe I will find my perfect fit. Again....I will keep you posted.

Finally.....the latest big news is Paula Deen. You all might know her as the Food Network's down home country cook who likes to cook with lots of butter and oil pronounced ol with a long o, in her southern drawl. Her fans have spent years watching her make fantastic high calorie, high fat, delectable dishes and drooled on our tv's only imaging how good they must taste.

Deen took her first hit in the media a while back when we learned she had Diabetes. Her cooking had caught up with her and she had not immediately disclosed her health issues to the public. Shame on her keeping her private life private. Bad Paula. She immediately stepped up though and started her Diabetes crusade along with revamping her yummy dishes so that they had less butter, oil, sugar, calories and fat. In the process we saw her start to lose some weight and do a lot of talking on her then vs. now cooking attitudes as well as health attitudes. It made her human in a lot of peoples eyes. She made a mistake and was working hard to fix it, not only for her own health but for the health of those who were her fans. Yay Paula!

Well our Southern Queen of Cooking has taken a new hit in the public eye by saying the word n**ger in public and she is being crucified across the board for it. Let me say first of all.....she immediately apologized for saying this and admitted that she should not have. What more could she do? She made a mistake and she owned up to it and apologized. That is more than we get from some others....right? However, because of this one action...she has now been fired from her Food Network show and is being publicly black balled. Okay folks....to this I say...REALLY???? Should she have said it? No! It was unnecessary and inappropriate. However....we have all at one time or another said something unnecessary and inappropriate.  I am truly sick of everything being racist. We all need work but this is ridiculous. Deen apologized! She can do no more. She is far from the only racist celebrity out there. However she is a high profile white woman and therefore fair game for a race baiting press and government. It makes me wonder where this same press was when Kanye West stepped on Taylor Swifts big night saying Beyonce was the best and therefore should have won the award that was presented to Swift? That was racist or at the very least looked that way. What about Obama's preacher who feels that whites are the enemy and spoke out about it loudly and often? What about all the high profile blacks who have openly wished death to whites or an eradication of the the white race? This happens daily and yet it is skimmed over by the press and it seems to be perfectly fine. 

Bottom line.....we are all racist in our own way. Many of us come from parents who knew nothing but racism and segregation. It was a way of life and words like "N" were everyday language. We have grown and educated ourselves, but it is hard to show the respect that the blacks demand when their music and attitudes are full of hate for others and self deprecating lyrics calling themselves "N". Heck I have heard blacks in everyday conversation calling each other the "N" word. Why if this is such an objectionable term is there not more outrage among their own race? In my opinion....many blacks hold a grudge for what happened to their ancestors by our ancestors. However...that is history. Slavery may have touched their bloodline....but never their actual lives. My history is that my family were Irish immigrants. They were treated horribly by those who felt they were better than the Irish. Irish were viewed as nothing but low class dogs to those already inhabiting America and they were treated as such. I could go around complaining how unfair that was.....but it is history and at some point we have to let go of the past in order to make a better future. 

Many blacks have let go of nothing. They feel that we (whites) owe them for the past and therefore they live off the government, refuse to work and continue to fill our prisons because of their anger, their feelings of entitlement and lets not forget...their bad behavior. Now I am definitely not referring to all blacks, but if we are honest this is a good percentage of them. If they want respect from others....they need to show respect for themselves. Don't call yourself a n**ger and chances are the rest of the world will eventually follow suit. There are many proud hard working blacks who would never utter the "N" word to one another or anyone else. They deserve both respect and to be outraged over that word. However I find the outrage by those who use the word themselves referring to both their own person and others of their race both laughable and nothing more than attention seeking to cause further race division. What is worse is that we now have a president who reinforces this bad behavior and in reality is turning this country inside out and using his own race to do it. What they don't understand is that when this is all over.....it won't matter what color you are in this country. We will all be the same.....f**cked! (Sorry for that word but it is the truth!)

Well there you have it. My brain is a little less jumbled and maybe now I can accomplish something. But then again.....maybe not. Who knows?!

Not My Normal Blog Tribute

My father and I have not always had an easy relationship. Perhaps it was a true generation gap or more likely.....he and I were just raised so very differently. To my father....love was tolerated...not particularly sought after nor welcomed. Any demonstration of affection whether it be word or action....was embarrassing to him and at times I believe it even made him a little angry. As a child I never understood this, but as an adult I think this is just how he handles emotions he has no idea how to deal with.

Because my father never understood the rules of love, he never played the game very well. Often rather than show any emotion, he would substitute money or material items for love and attention. In his head he saw the two as interchangeable and therefore he saw possessions to be as good as affection and possessions took a whole lot less effort.

I have spent most of my life intellectually knowing that his feelings for me are likely far greater than his words and actions show but still....even at my age....feeling the sting of never being "Daddy's little girl" or ever feeling like I was in anyway special in his eyes, causes me some pain. In fact....because of my female status, I have always felt far inferior to my brother where my dad's view of me was concerned. It has been a roller coaster ride for decades of hurt and anger often followed by guilt for feeling the anger. I have noticed though...as I grow older and God help me....hopefully wiser, that I am able now, more often than not, to feel a large amount of sympathy for this man who is well into his 80's with little to show for those years except "things!"

In all fairness though, it has become quite clear to me that at times I definitely am my fathers daughter. I find myself saying and doing things at times that are quite "dad like." I also would be remiss if I didn't mention certain things that I owe him for, both the good and the bad. For starters, I owe him my ability to never give up on my kids and to let them not only have their dreams....but to live them without limits or my constant input. He never was able to do that for my brother and I and because of that, we both lost faith in ourselves and our dreams along the way. I also owe him my sharp tongue and at times wicked humor. My father was not usually one to laugh a lot or find humor in a lot of things but from a very young age I made it my mission to make him laugh on his level.... and often that meant me zinging him with his own words. I learned early on to be proficient and quick so as not to get myself in trouble for rudeness but to catch him off guard and watch him first turn red from being one upped by his child and then watching his face dissolve into a hearty laugh...again...because he had been one upped by his child. Of course I was never foolish enough to do this in front of anyone but him, which also I am sure helped to keep me out of trouble. He also taught me to tell my children daily how much I loved them and to hug them whenever possible because goodness knows I was always too poor to throw money at them. They were stuck with honest emotion and true affection instead of material things that mean very little in the big scheme of it all.

I know I often make my relationship with my father sound less than close, but in all honesty.....we do have our moments and there are things....good things that I take away from it. Sometimes there are stories. On occasions when I am in listening mode and he is in talking mode, we both are transported back to his years growing up in Oklahoma and then eventually to his years on the farm in Arkansas City, KS. Through his stories.....I see my dad in a different light and for a while....he is transformed by time and I learn a little about the man in short story glimpses.

As I said...there are both good things and bad things I have taken from our relationship. While the not so good seem to come to the surface quicker.....there are some really good things that dad has brought to our relationship that I will forever be grateful for. I will always drift back to my childhood every time I hear easy listening music on the radio as that is what he/we listened to. Turn on "The Girl from Ipanema" or "Winchester Cathedral" and I will be momentarily vacationing in 1969 again. I will forever be in love with Audrey Hepburn, Moon River and Breakfast at Tiffany's because of my dad.  He also introduced me to westerns and two that will always hold a special place in my heart are "Gunsmoke" and "The Virginian". Those were our shows. I love peanut butter and honey sandwiches because my dad taught me that the two together were not just good....but a delicacy. I also owe my longing for fall and football to my dad. I began watching football at a young age for no other reason than to get his attention. I stuck with it when I realized that my brother couldn't stand the sport and it was something that Dad and I would do together that drove my brother crazy. One day though....somewhere a long the line......I actually became a fan. To this day when I am watching a game that I know my dad is watching too I will call him during half-time to discuss his opinion of the first half of the game. It is one of the few things we have in common and my brother still hates the game. Is that even American?

I realized the other day though, as I was listening to my Wicked cd for the millionth time....that the thing I owe my dad for the most is the love of the theater and especially musicals that he instilled in me. He took me to my first stage show Peter Pan, when I was very young. It left a lasting impression on me, as I remember sitting in my seat and being mesmerized by the actors, the costumes and every syllable and action that came from the stage. It was amazing and I was hooked. He also took me to my first movie musical. When The Sound of Music came out he took me to the theater to see it. Both my parents were afraid that I might be too young to actually enjoy it and behave myself through the entire picture.....but they were wrong. I remember sitting down and being so moved and excited when Julie Andrews began twirling on the mountain top as the opening music played, that tears were running down my cheeks. I simply couldn't get enough of the Von Trapps and the amazing music. When the movie ended I would have given anything to see more and even today.....I still feel the same. The right musical can still move me to tears and make me wish that I could stay for more. Yes....I owe all that to my dad.

So it is Father's Day and many girls and even fully grown women will spend the day with their fathers. They will look into their dads eyes and know that however much they love them....their dads return that love a thousand fold. I too will spend the day with my father. There will be no fatherly looks of love and time will be short as the noise and chaos of my family both tires and annoys him fairly quickly. Through it all though....we have our way. Somewhere deep inside I know that he knows I would not be there if I didn't love him and somewhere deep inside....I know that he loves me as much as he is capable of loving anyone.....and possibly more than I realize. Well anyway....a girl can dream.

Yeah....I know, this isn't the kind of normal blog tribute I give when it comes to holidays, people or holidays about people. It certainly isn't a Hallmark card of emotion and there is definitely no warm fuzzies exuding from my words. It may even be a little hard to tell that this is the closest thing to a love letter that a girl like me can write about a man like my father. Still and all though...it is who we are without any sugar coating and on most days.....we are good with that. Also...at this stage of the game, it is not lost on me that I am very lucky to still have my dad....warts and all. So maybe today I can talk him into an episode of Gunsmoke or maybe a story walk down memory lane....or maybe....I will take the risk of embarrassing him a little and simply say "Thanks Dad....I love you."

Happy Father's Day!

Sunday

Today feels like the kind of Sunday that makes you think of "home" no matter where you are in the world. Well at least it does to me. It is beautifully sunny, a light breeze is blowing and the curtains are swaying ever so gently. Mass has been attended, breakfast is over and the possibilities of this day seem endless. It is just the kind of Sunday I live for. Of course the screeching puppy in the background is a bit distracting, but you you know what I mean. I think it is Sundays like this where God smiles and regardless of what is going on in the world or my life.....I feel both blessed and grateful.

Sundays have always been special in my life mostly because of my faith and the fact that whether I attend Mass on Saturday night or Sunday morning.....Sunday is saved for God and family. As a kid....everyone acknowledge Sunday as a day of rest and respect whether they attended church or not. Farmers who carried a full work load the other six days a week, dialed back their chores to the very least the farm and the animals could get by with and spent Sundays with their families....except of course during harvest time. On Sundays...streets were always vacant except for church traffic and church parking lots. Stores closed on Sundays and if you happened to be traveling on a Sunday.....you better hope your gas tank was full because even gas stations shut down on the Sabbath.

Sundays were a day (especially during the summer) where charcoal was thick in the air, kids laughter could be heard on just about every block and front porches and backyards were gathering places for family and friends. The midday meal was always a production and just about every table no matter how small, had room for one more. Yeah....Sunday was the one day a week where the outside world shut down and the world of God, family and friends was celebrated. It was designed as a day to rest, recharge and prepare both mentally and physically for the week ahead. Back in the day.....people just knew how to live and when God and family came first......everything else simply fell into place. 

When I was growing up....Sunday dinner was usually a roast baked with potatoes and carrots and a table full of side dishes. There was always a cake or pie and homemade bread and it was the day our taste buds longed for every week. Occasionally Mom hung up her apron and Dad either took us all out for a picnic or we grilled, but Sunday was usually Mom's day to shine in the kitchen. I remember going to mass and then coming home to lay around on the living room floor and read the newspaper. My brother and I got the funnies, Mom got the Home and Garden section and Dad always went for the front page. We would spend the morning reading to each other from our respective pages until it was time for lunch/dinner. After the noon meal when everything was cleaned up and put away, sometimes we ended up in the pool or my favorite thing was to find a quiet place and either read or write (imagine that). It was the best way to spend a Sunday and I still remember those times so fondly.

When I was older, I dated a dairy farmer. Monday through Saturday his life and the life of his family was filled with the care and milking of cows. There was also the wheat crop to look after, the house, the outbuildings and the garden. It was day after day of 14 to 16 hour days. Sundays though were different. Sundays on a farm are just special. They are like a much needed reward for the other six days of full on effort. At their house.....Sunday mornings like every other morning, started very early with breakfast and you better bet no one ever just got cold cereal for breakfast. It was always eggs, steak or ham, biscuits (never from a can), gravy, coffee and fresh whole milk. It was then off to Mass and back home to prepare for lunch. If you thought breakfast was a big deal.....you had seen nothing until you had one of their Sunday dinners. My guys mom would always prepare the meat (often fried chicken with the best gravy I had ever had) and then the nine kids who had left home all emerged on the house about noonish with at least one covered dish in hand. The table was often too full to hold it all. The house would be filled to the brim with people from newborn to grandparents, extended family and drop in friends. A Sunday was not a Sunday though unless the afternoon was celebrated with a softball game. Off came the Sunday clothes and on went shorts, t-shirts and ball mitts. It was some of the most fun times I ever remember.

Sundays.....not unlike holidays, used to hold a bit of tradition in most homes. A special meal, family, friends, games and a mini vacation from the other six days of the week. Today though, we work seven days a week. People shop on Sundays, work on Sundays and in a lot of cases.....treat Sunday like any other day. I would like to blame it on the secular world but us religious folk do this stuff too. We use Sunday as the day to play catch up for all the stuff we couldn't cram into our ultra busy lives Monday through Saturday. If we aren't doing that, then we are shopping at the mall, getting our nails done or running our kids around causing others to have to work at our expense.....all for the ultimate goal of the almighty dollar and the desire to do it all and have it all. It makes me kind of sad.

While I have been known to hit up Lowe's and Walmart on a Sunday, grocery shop and even do a little laundry and cleaning too, it never really feels right. I do try to keep it as a family day....a relaxing day and a day to remember that even as busy as God was.....you know.....creating the world and all.....even He took Sunday off to rest and He asks us to do the same. Most Sundays, I think my kids look forward to a day filled with Mass, a great meal and a great time with just us together...and I think that is a really good thing.

So as I sit here blogging, watching the curtains breath in an out from the breeze and reminiscing to myself about the past, I can't help but smile. The family is here, lunch will be in full production soon and I am at peace. The outside world doesn't exist in the here and now and the day.....as I said before.....holds so many possibilities. Today is Sunday. It is one of the good days....and I think if I had one wish right now.....it would be that as a parent I was able to pass Sundays on to my kids!

It's Just You, Me and Some Stories

 

So, I have given sleep my best effort and it is simply not forth coming tonight. Perhaps it is the thought of what a horrific tornado season Tornado Alley seems to be having or maybe it is the neighbors campfire whose smell is drifting in through my open windows and keeps making me think something in my house is on fire.....or maybe it is the storm beginning to roll in on us. Whatever it is....my dog Spud is feeling it too as he has tossed and turned and paced since going to bed. Sleep just may not be in the cards for us tonight. Luckily I have my blog. Spud will just have to suffer through his insomnia without an outlet.

A story came to mind as I sat down to type. Actually....several short stories came to mind but these aren't just any short stories. So since I can't sleep....it's just you, me and some stories!

Once upon a time (all great stories begin this way....right?).....there was a little girl who was very shy. She was so shy in fact that she had difficulty speaking up or ever standing up for herself....much less anyone or anything else. This little girl though....well she had a mother who was very outspoken. Well....as outspoken as she could be at the time, after all there was no internet or social media so her outspokenness basically was shared with the occasional newspaper editorial reader and her family.....but she was never shy about speaking out on what she believed in. The little girls shyness drove the mother crazy as she feared her young daughter might never learn to take a stand, so she began coaching the girl and instilling words of wisdom into her young mind. "Some things you must stand up and fight for," "People cannot change what they aren't aware of," "Silence is the same as acceptance and some things are unacceptable" and "Sometimes you must be the voice for those without a voice." After years of the mothers teaching not only by words but also by example......the shy little girl eventually found her voice.

Then there is the one that goes......Once upon a time.....there was a young woman who was oblivious to the world around her. She and her friends spent little time thinking about.....much less discussing politics, world events or even the news. They were all busy living life, raising families and taking for granted what this country had to offer them. The girl voted (usually) but she was a fairly uninformed voter....voting as her family had for years and then assuming life would continue on as she knew it. Then one day.....the young woman happened upon a political internet group. She was so far out of her league but intrigued by what she saw none the less. She watched as people verbally sparred back and forth over politics, current events and the state of the country. Slowly but surely the tricky puzzle of politics and the world events started making sense to her. She began researching, learning and eventually joining in on conversations and even sounding somewhat educated. The young woman became fairly proficient at debating social and political issues, as well as researching her arguments to back up her points. She learned that facts are irrefutable.....but to some.....facts are nothing more than a speed bump when the destination is denial. After years of political sparring.....the young woman grew weary of politics. She began to see the debate as a losing battle and left the group......thus closing a chapter in an educational and exhausting period in her life.......or so she thought!

Ready for another? Once upon a time.....a woman with more on her plate than she cared to think about needed a mental outlet. Someone told her about this "cool" site called Facebook. Now FB was actually a site designed with college age kids in mind. It was for kids to make friends, listen to music and announce where the next party was going to be. Suddenly though....adults began using the site. They found they could find every living family member they ever had....and contact their first grade best friends, second cousins, step mom....and call her friend. It was an amazing new world. The woman found lots of people she used to know and a few new "friends". She had a "wall" in which she could post a few sentences about her day and she could post pictures too. Each time she looked at FB she saw posts from her family and friends about what they were doing, what they were eating, where they were going and there were even pictures. Lots of pictures. Pictures of kids, of peoples relatives, their vacations and things others probably really didn't want to see. After awhile....FB became like that awkward social gathering you didn't want to go to where someone wanted to entertain you all evening showing you pictures of their kids, while someone else wants to tell you how great their life is and someone else wants to go into detail about their hemorrhoids. FB then realized that maybe people wanted to say more than a few sentences and with this.....people decided they actually wanted to talk more about the world and less about themselves. The woman loved it. Suddenly people were posting about politics, health issues, world events and all kinds of things much more interesting than what they ate for breakfast. The woman was entranced and increasingly worried. It was an election year and hardcore researchers and politically motivated and educated people began unearthing information which was both interesting and scary all at the same time. The woman began doing her own research (it was the whole riding a bike and never forgetting thing) and suddenly she was back in the loop again. FB had not only reconnected this woman with her past but it had also helped her to remember that she had a love of research, politics and her country. Yay for FB!

Still reading? Well here's one for you. Once upon a time.....there were two basic political entities. There were republicans which were viewed as more financially and socially conservative and democrats who were viewed as both financially and socially liberal. Both sides loved their country and both sides wanted the best for their country.....they just had different views of how they would get to that point. Our forefathers had fought many hard battles to give us freedoms and a Constitution that would withstand time......so many felt that freedom was guaranteed for the long run and our Constitutional rights were a given. Thus all that need be done by us was to sit back and reap the benefits. We quit monitoring government and started accepting the fact that it was our government....and surely it would never turn on us. That only happened in poor third world countries....right?! Some voted. Some voted occasionally......and some never did. We took everything that had been fought and died for.....for granted and egotistically believed that we could never lose what we had because we were somehow "special." Slowly but surely, government began to grow and those who had been liberal and fought for small government....now seemed to welcome governments ever growing obesity as long as "handouts" and "freebies" were on the agenda. Conservatives who had fought for regulation and larger government in the past suddenly realized that government was regulating everything down to what size of soda that we could drink and they began to fight government..... wanting to downsize both its growth and its control of the people. Government was becoming an overspending, over stepping monster throwing us onto a slippery slope into socialism and communism that was anti-America in every possible way. People started coming out of their lackadaisical haze and began realizing that their nonchalance about voting and keeping government in check was beginning to snowball into something that every American war had been fought to save us from. Only usually from an outside enemy. We had no idea that the real enemy would be our own government. So people began to speak out. They began doing research and offering facts to what was going on. There was a wall. A dead end. Denial had spread like wildfire. We were no longer merely apathetic.....we had gone beyond that. We now refused to see what was right before our eyes. We sold our souls, our beliefs and our country out for the promise of "free" and the idea of government taking care of us, so we no longer had to take care of ourselves. The more people spoke out and the more facts that were unearthed....the stronger the denial grew. Before people realized it....an ever growing divide began splitting friends and family. One side was shouting from the rooftops and the other side firmly planting their feet in the quicksand of denial. If an atrocity like Benghazi or the Navy Seals was brought up....it was either met with silence or a "so what", "no big deal" attitude. American lives lost and it was "no big deal?" Those speaking out were viewed as rabble rousers and alarmists and this belief was perpetuated by the government. It was becoming a battle of sides that could rival the great Civil War and many were afraid. They weren't afraid like their parents had been as kids......of the take over by a foreign entity....no.....they are afraid of what their own government might do and what their friends and neighbors just might allow their government to do. So how did this story end? We have three more years to find out.....if the country lasts that long!

So....you probably know by now that the young girl/woman the stories referred to....is me. I found my voice and many have not liked that over the years. I have tried hard to remember those lessons my mother taught me and put them to good use....all the while using as much tact and respect as I can. With FB, my blog and other social media.....I have a voice that my mother never even dreamed of having. I have upset many on both sides with my views....never demanding that anyone else agree with me, only giving my opinion as one possibility in a world full of possibilities. I have watched as intelligent people buried their heads in the sand and minds slammed shut to anything outside their comfort zone or their own desired belief. Denial has become a sickness and facts have become obsolete in a world where the obvious goal has become to disarm its people, take away their voice and make them totally dependent on a government who is broke and continues to spend and owe beyond any means of reality. I have been both publicly and privately berated, insulted and name called over using my freedom of speech for the future of my children and for the future of my country. I pray every day that what I fear the most.....government tyranny....never comes to fruition. However, I believe that if denial continues to reign supreme and good people sit back and refuse to speak out and take a stand......then blogs like this and facts that are presented to show the government for what it truly is.....will be removed and forbidden as free speech will be nothing more than a memory. I just hope and pray that.....that is not how this story ends!

And this is what happens when I don't sleep.