Someone asked me the other day what I wanted the Easter Bunny to bring me and I said a two liter of Diet Mt. Dew of course! The truth is though....after another two weeks off the stuff, I might not be so anxious to jump back on the diet soda wagon. Not drinking the stuff has saved me some significant money, Z rarely drinks soda of any kind anymore.....and whether it is simply mental or truly physical....I think I actually feel better. At any rate....diet soda and I may have really broken up for good this time.
When I look back on my blogs since the beginning of the year and the hopeful change I set in motion....I really see that I have made change. We are a quarter through the year and the reality is...while not perfect, progress is on the horizon. I am in a better place than I was 4 months ago and I think my family is too. I have chosen a path and I have set the wheels in motion to head down that path. Slowly and sure I am getting there. What lies ahead? Only God knows that, but so far He has never yet not given me what I need to continue the journey....and I have great faith that that will not change.
Your Photo Here.............(Day 22)
Last night I was looking at the picture and thinking back to when it was taken. It was taken almost 26 years ago at a time in my life when I felt anything but beautiful.
My mother, myself and my brother had all taken a trip to Branson, MO. It was a spur of the moment thing to ease the tension that was our (my) life at the time. I was in an abusive relationship and I had just a few weeks prior...been beaten to the point of having to go to the ER by ambulance. Oh....and did I mention.... I was also pregnant? The beating was not the first in this relationship, but thanks to a dr. in the ER who cared enough to be totally frank with me...it was the last beating. She made me realize that my next beating could be the end for both me and my unborn child. I got away for the sake of my child.
If you look at my eyes....they are not happy. They are sad and tired and full of pain. My world was collapsing and I had no idea how I was going to build it up again. I was in hell!
After our impromptu trip, there was never another beating, but I went through years of stalking and mental abuse because I refused to let this man touch me again. I constantly lived in fear of where or when he would show up next and what he would do to both me and my child if ever we were caught alone.
Eventually he found someone new to abuse and I became lost in the shuffle of women he used and tried to destroy. Life eventually got back to normal for my family and that which was torn down was ultimately built back up.
When I look at the picture....I just see so much sadness in that young face. Perhaps though, the beauty in the face of that young girl is the fact that although she was abused....she was not beaten and she had the strength to stop what could have ultimately been fatal. That girl was a survivor!
And here is wishing you a happy Wednesday on the downhill slide to your weekend!