Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Updates and Survival

Still sneezing....but only intermittently and nothing seems to be coming of these little sneezing fits, so I guess the Zyrtec is doing it's job. If I can just make it through spring without any days down....all should be good.

So apparently I am letting my readers down as I have not been updating people on of all life. I actually thought I had pretty much thrown it all out there....lock, stock and barrel, but it appears there are those of you  just ummm.....errrr...uh....invested enough in my blogs that you actually want more. You poor things. It's like a train just can't look away! Well....far be it from me to not give the public what they want, so Angie....this blogs for you.

Updates: okay first what I gave up for Lent. How am I doing? soda has not passed these lips since Ash Wednesday. The first couple of weeks were really not easy, as I even dreamed about the stuff (can anyone here say addiction?) Since then though....I have only thought about it a few times. I also had a long talk with my dr. about diet soda's link to cancer. She said that in any studies she has read about diet soda and cancer you would have to drink cases of the stuff daily in order for it to even remotely be a concern. She also said obesity was far more linkable to cancer than diet soda was, so she would much rather see her patients having a diet soda or two rather than have them overweight. I also asked her about the new study that diet soda can cause strokes and heart issues. She laughed and said....then why is Diet Coke part of the American Heart Associations Go Red project? Good question and an answer I didn't have. So when Lent ends....I will feel a little better about my diet soda consumption....if in fact I decide to partake again.

Someone asked me the other day what I wanted the Easter Bunny to bring me and I said a two liter of Diet Mt. Dew of course! The truth is though....after another two weeks off the stuff, I might not be so anxious to jump back on the diet soda wagon. Not drinking the stuff has saved me some significant money, Z rarely drinks soda of any kind anymore.....and whether it is simply mental or truly physical....I think I actually feel better. At any soda and I may have really broken up for good this time.

Ahhhhh swearing! Well, this has been a hard fought battle since day one. At first I was forking over money like......well like I had it (which I don't!) Then for awhile I was really good with only the occasional faux pas slipping from my lips. In the last week though.....fear not as yet unnamed appears you are going to get a donation of lottery win proportions come Easter. What is wrong with me? I just hate it.....and yet there are  times when it seems regular words are simply not enough. Four letter words are just so versatile in the fact that they can be nouns, adjectives and verbs......and they so help me to get my point across. However....I am still working on it and I still have a week or so to improve. At least now,  I am aware when they come out of my mouth......but face it.....kiss my big green toenail is just not as effective as my normal verbiage of choice. Baby steps though....I remain a work in progress.

In an earlier blog this week or maybe the end of last week.....I admitted to my failure to carry out my March's adventures and still the chair sits in my room, pulled apart....but as yet unfinished. The plants too still remain unplanted. Sigh. I sound like I am procrastinating....and most likely I am, because procrastination and I have always been good buds, but is a whirlwind and I am finding that 24 hours is just not enough hours in the day to accomplish all I need to do...oh and to sleep too. In fact....I have been lengthening my days as best I can. I now wake up between 4:45 a.m. an 5 a.m. and I am generally still at it until close to 11 p.m. You would think in that time span I could accomplish things....but sadly every least one or two things still go uncompleted. Oy! I so need an organizer...not a book type....a human type. I need someone who can just point me in the direction of tasks until they are completed. Or maybe I need a secretary. Maybe I just need someone who screens my calls, schedules me, and picks up my dry cleaning weekly. Nah....who am I kidding? We all know that what I really need is a keeper! Any takers out there? Yeah....I didn't think so.

In other news: Davids meds are officially changed, Z is in full spring play mode and suddenly there are flowers blooming in my flower beds and weeds blooming in my lawn. We will be opening the pool at the beginning of May (weather please cooperate), and school is almost out. I am going into spring cheesecake season and am trying to plan an excursion or two over the summer.

When I look back on my blogs since the beginning of the year and the hopeful change I set in motion....I really see that I have made change. We are a quarter through the year and the reality is...while not perfect, progress is on the horizon. I am in a better place than I was 4 months ago and I think my family is too. I have chosen a path and I have set the wheels in motion to head down that path. Slowly and sure I am getting there. What lies ahead? Only God knows that, but so far He has never yet not given me what I need to continue the journey....and I have great faith that that will not change.

So here it is. Here is your update. It is not exciting....but then by now, if you have stuck with me thus far, you know exciting doesn't usually describe anything about my life. I guess it is what it is...and I remain now and forever....a work in progress!

Your Photo Here.............(Day 22)


Today's picture has hung on my hallway wall for many years. I never think about it until the other day when someone saw it and said...." are beautiful in that picture!"

Last night I was looking at the picture and thinking back to when it was taken. It was taken almost 26 years ago at a time in my life when I felt anything but beautiful.

My mother, myself and my brother had all taken a trip to Branson, MO. It was a spur of the moment thing to ease the tension that was our (my) life at the time. I was in an abusive relationship and I had just a few weeks prior...been beaten to the point of having to go to the ER by ambulance. Oh....and did I mention.... I was also pregnant? The beating was not the first in this relationship, but thanks to a dr. in the ER who cared enough to be totally frank with was the last beating. She made me realize that my next beating could be the end for both me and my unborn child. I got away for the sake of my child.

If you look at my eyes....they are not happy. They are sad and tired and full of pain. My world was collapsing and I had no idea how I was going to build it up again. I was in hell!

After our impromptu trip, there was never another beating, but I went through years of stalking and mental abuse because I refused to let this man touch me again. I constantly lived in fear of where or when he would show up next and what he would do to both me and my child if ever we were caught alone.

Eventually he found someone new to abuse and I became lost in the shuffle of women he used  and tried to destroy. Life eventually got back to normal for my family and that which was torn down was ultimately built back up.

When I look at the picture....I just see so much sadness in that young face. Perhaps though, the beauty in the face of that young girl is the fact that although she was abused....she was not beaten and she had the strength to stop what could have ultimately been fatal. That girl was a survivor!

And here is wishing you a happy Wednesday on the downhill slide to your weekend!

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