Praying! Tears! My heart is breaking. I know I am not alone. I know America is in agony today. As parents we do everything we can to protect our kids. We make them wear seat belts, teach them to not play with matches or electrical outlets and do our best to help them avoid dangerous situations whenever possible. It simply does not occur to us that school could be a dangerous situation. Perhaps the last decade or so should have taught us better with incidents such as Jonesboro and Columbine, but the mind shuts those things out. When such horrific things happen we tend to go into great sorrow for those affected but in our reality....this could never happen to us.
As I heard about Sandy Hook Elementary in Connecticut today....I thought about the ages of those "elementary" kids. They are just babies. They were little ones counting the days until Christmas, going about their day as usual and feeling protected amongst each other and the adults who guide their daily activities. How horrifying this must have been for them....kindergarten to fourth graders. Could they even understand or process what was happening? God knows they couldn't possibly know the reason why their normal day was suddenly turned inside out with gun fire and friends and teachers being killed before their very eyes.
I immediately thought of my own kids. What if this were to happen at David's school? Would David even begin to understand what was happening to him and those around him? Would his excited response to loud shots and other kids screams make him a target? As a mother I can't even imagine the fear knowing that someone was killing children in your child's school and being powerless to do anything but wait....not knowing whether the child you kissed good bye this morning would ever come out of that school alive. Just the thought as I am writing this brings on almost uncontrollable sobs. Some parents in that small town will have the amazing fortune to see their little ones walk out of that school....scared, shaken and crying....but alive. Other parents though....will not be so lucky. They will wait to see their child...hoping and praying...only to find that they are gone. And WHY?
I was listening to different news casts and they were trying to pick a type that does this kind of thing. Sometimes they are bullied....sometimes not. Sometimes they are quiet and withdrawn.....and sometimes they have friends. Sometimes they have a mental illness....and sometimes they don't. The only two common things I heard were that they are almost always male and they are usually under 25 years of age. So why would someone be so angry that they would openly and willingly kill innocent children? I am sure in the days and weeks that follow....the story will unfold. I am sure we will get to know the shooter intimately.....although he too is dead. I am afraid though....as a parent, I don't care one fig about this shooter. I don't care if he was spanked as a child, someone made fun of him as a teenager or if he was on drugs and "not responsible" for his actions. I don't care about his story. His story became unsympathetic and completely over as far as I am concerned....the moment he took his first shot inside that school. The only stories I care about now are the ones of the kids and their families who were forced to live through and some die because of the hell this shooter chose to put them through.
If I sound angry....I am. I am angry that these adults and children died so senselessly. I am distraught for the parents who are having to live their worst nightmares. My heart is breaking for the survivors who will undoubtedly be scared to ever step foot in that school again. I am livid that one young man made the choice to walk into an elementary school and destroy a town forever. I am also angry that this story will become the flag in which supporters of destroying our 2nd Amendment rights will ride into battle with....claiming all guns are evil and that they should be made illegal. Yes....my blood is boiling today.
Today showed us that none of us are exempt from tragedy. In the blink of an eye....what we wake with may not be what we go to bed with. I have said many times of late...no parent should have to outlive their child and especially no parent should have to lose a child in such a horrendous way. All I keep thinking is...There but for the grace of God, go I. My heart aches for all those whose lives where changed today and for parents who will never be consoled. You can't fix the unfixable....so I pray. When my children walk through the door tonight....I will hug them and let them know that they are loved and I will thank God for another day with them...knowing that tonight....I am one of the lucky ones. RIP Sandy Hook victims and may God's perpetual light shine upon you!