A Year in Retrospect

Well here we are....the day after Christmas 2012. I know I always say this...but it seems like it was just yesterday that it was summer and we were out by the pool, yet here we are...almost ready to bid 2012 a fond farewell and welcome in a new year in this still relatively new millennium. Where does the time go?

This time of year is always for me....one of retrospect...looking back over the past months and acknowledging both the good and bad. From today's position....the last week or so has kind of clouded both my view and my memory as I have been sick beyond words. When there are literally days you don't remember and you had to remove all medicine from your own reach for fear you would overdose yourself because you couldn't remember when, what and how much you previously took....you know you are pretty sick. It wasn't all bad though. According to my kids....my late husband and mother and myself had some pretty entertaining conversations. Wish I had been coherent enough to remember them. Then again though....had I been coherent....they likely would not have happened. Nine days later I am still trying to regain my energy and fighting to keep this full on cough which has just developed, from going into my chest. The biggest blessing though is....although David had something that kept him down a few days....no one else in the house has gotten what I have! Perhaps it is because they quarantined me and followed me around with the most fowl smelling can of Lysol that they could find. All in all though....Christmas turned out fine and I once again seem to have my memory in tact.

That being said...looking back over 2012...it has been an interesting, exciting, frustrating and all in all wonderful year and to be quite honest....I feel very blessed.

January set the stage for this year as we began it on a pathway that would change life for us all. We made our first trip to Shriners Hospital in St. Louis, MO. It was definitely a God thing....as everything from work to the weather worked in our favor. As I recall in January the weather was darned near perfect (50's and 60's) and my boss gave me whatever time we needed as we had no idea what Shriners was about at that time. It was at this time that we found that David not only needed surgery....but if he didn't have it....it could forever effect the quality of his life. It was  a lot of information to process all at once...but the answer was an easy....YES!

February brought on a bag of mixed blessings. Shriners called with a surgery date of April for David....and on the very same day......I found that I was to be laid off from my job in just two weeks. Again...the weather was amazing and God marched right along with me as I barely had time to worry about saying goodbye to my job. There was simply too much to do planning for a surgery I knew almost nothing about, a recovery I knew almost nothing about and a future I really knew nothing about. It was this month too that I had the idea of Cheesecakes for David and I began selling the special cheesecakes in order to pay for any unexpected expenseswhich might incur for David. And trust me.....they did!

March was an amazing month. It flew by as I baked and delivered cheesecakes almost daily. The weather stayed in the 60's and 70's and I prepared as best I could....for the unknown that was about to be thrust upon us. It was this month too that I was reminded again and again how wonderful friends, family and even complete strangers can be. Much generosity was shown my family in many different ways at this time and the out pouring of prayer was amazing. I as a person and we as a family were humbled beyond any measure.

April was the true beginning of David's journey to walk. It was a strange time as we had  had 90 degree weather in Kansas and we had put our air conditioning on twice already. This was a month of first experiences for all of us. Because of David's condition after surgery....he would have to be flown back to KS, so to simplify life...they flew us out there too. This was my first time in a small (5 seater) plane. I learned that little affects David and that I never hope to have to fly in such a contraption again. Bless those that flew us to and from but God help me....I hope those rides were the last I ever have to take in such a small plane. This was also the first time I left Z home by himself for any period of time and it was the first time I got to experience the wonderful hospital part of Shriners. In a matter of 48 hours....I almost had a heart attack flying to MO, David had a life changing surgery..... and after surgery....David got asperative pneumonia and we almost lost him. I learned that people who truly love you will drive hundreds of miles just to hold your hand and be there "just in case," and that good friends have your back even when you are hundreds of miles away. I also learned that Z has an eye for color and can paint. This was also the beginning of my education on the breaking down of health insurance, sleeping on a futon, David's new found flexibility, bed sores and being afraid to shut an eye. Again though....I experienced the generosity of people who were willing to help watch David, bring us food and calm me when I hyperventilated myself silly over the fear of not knowing.

May was the month that I realized yet again...the resiliency of David as he DID go back to school way ahead of schedule. I learned that I had mastered (if one can truly master such a thing) the road to St. Louis.....and best of all....school was out!!!!

June was the month I began to start breathing again. It was the month that I remembered the joy and peace of hanging clothes on the line, the month that we headed outside for the season and the month that I came to some realizations about family, friends and myself. It was a month of learning and getting to know Z a little better. Nothing says mother/son outing like going to a Nugent/Styx/REO concert together!

July was the month of the prodigal son. Manchild came home again. This time....the child part had done some growing. He went from Manchild to "The Older Boy!" David spent his days in the pool and other than a couple of scary moments....his recovery was amazing. It was not lost on me how blessed we were and how happy I was starting to feel.

August brought a new school year and a yearly event where old friends get together and celebrate both our town and our friendships. Life was finally back on track. Everyone was back to their own rooms and normal (at least what passes for normal around here) routines. It was also in August that we welcomed our newest family member....Vic our baby pit. Okay....he is The Older Boys....but Vic and I did bond.

September taught me that maybe you can't go home....but you can definitely at least visit the past. We celebrated our 30th class reunion and saw some we hadn't seen in 30 years. There was laughter, stories and the knowledge that we all had a connection that no one could take away from us. It was also another big and life changing month for David....as he had his VNS (vagal nerve stimulator) put in, to lessen if not totally control his seizures and help to ween him off his seizure meds.

October made me realize one of two things. Either I am simply oblivious to the world around me and completely gullible or my family and friends can REALLY keep a secret. I was honored with a surprise birthday party for a landmark birthday. Yes folks....I turned 50. As intimidating as AARP tried to make it for me....I did come to terms with the fact that I was darn lucky to have made it to such an age in as good of condition as I am in. I had no complaints.

November seemed to bring out a different side of me this year. Was it that I had hit a stage in my life where I didn't care what people thought of me or was it that I just felt that the whole stinkin' world had gone crazy and I was beyond baffled at how it had happened? I think we will just chalk it up to the elections and my ever growing disdain for elected officials and their closed door cover ups, lies, deceits and an obvious head long run for socialism and destruction of the Constitution. Yeah....I snapped somewhere during this month and my mouth nor my typing fingers seemed to have any kind of filter. The upside.....if there was one...was that it appeared that I irritated people on both sides of the fence.....so at least I was an equal opportunity irritater....and at least people were reading. Oh and let us not forget that this was the month that I discovered Duck Dynasty. It made me Happy! Happy! Happy!

Which brings us to December. December was a "best laid plans" month. I planned to do much more than I actually accomplished. I did do baking I hadn't done in several years and I did find that I "can" do most all of my Christmas shopping in one day if I am with Chris and I start at 6 a.m. and don't plan on making it home until 7:30 p.m. I also found out that the Mayans were wrong...so I was glad I didn't put any Christmas purchases on credit card!!!! What I really found out though.....yet again is: when the chips are down and I need him....Z always steps in and takes over helping to complete the tasks I leave uncompleted and basically this year.....saving Christmas for us all.

Yeah...2012 was quite a year. It marked a decade since I lost my mom and somehow this year there was greater peace than ever before. My family took some tough hits with my sister in laws illness, my dads fall, the unexpected loss of my cousin and the loss of my oldest living (I believe) uncle. My town took some hits too. Cancer ran rampant and we lost a father of two after a years long battle with brain cancer. We also lost a town matriarch and a little girl who taught us all that life is a gift and that there is grace in dying as well as living.

On the personal side of things...I have gotten to witness strengths in each of my children that has showed me....maybe I didn't do it all wrong after all. While this year has given me pause and given me at times more questions than answers...it has also given me a great deal of peace, some self awareness and a happiness that had been missing for many years. In so many ways....much has been right with my world and that which has not.....I have somehow manage to at least gain perspective on it.

I can't say I will miss 2012....for missing always comes later on down the road when I am alone with my thoughts waxing nostalgic over the wind blowing through a line of clothes or an early morning breakfast with friends at the fire pit. No...I don't think there will be tears as 2012 slips away....because 2013 holds so much promise. It will be 2013 where Davids progress will come to fruition, where I make decisions that will change my life and my path......and where I will get to continue to see my children turn into the people they are suppose to be. It is really rather exciting if you think about it.

I guess in retrospect....2012 had a little bit of everything and I have no doubt it gave us all what we need to continue on to 2013. So for all of you, my family, friends and readers....I hope that your Christmas was happy and blessed, full of family and love....and that 2013 brings you joy....happiness.....and is your best year yet! Happy New Year to you all!