Easter....for the Christian world it means a new beginning full of hope. For the rest of the world I suppose it just means bunnies, baskets and candy. For me this year, it means one journey has ended and another is beginning.
The time between Christmas and Easter this year (coincidentally the two most important religious feast days of the year) has proven to be one of the lower points of my life, more so than in any recent years. While good things have happened, tough times seem to have ruled my world putting me into a darkness that I can't even begin to describe. It affected not just myself but my kids too and left us all in a place of loss and pain. I was beginning to wonder if this was to be our life forever as I held onto every shred of faith that I could muster.
In the last couple of weeks, life has taken some nasty painful turns for all of us. It felt as if we were all slipping away and even outside forces seemed to be closing in on us and making things that much worse. I honestly felt as if I was living inside a nightmare that I could not wake up from. The question of "how much more can we really take?" kept racing through my head and when I would look in the mirror, I no longer even recognized myself. I look old, tired and absolutely worn down. By Thursday of this last week, I felt as if things were just about as bad as they could be and it looked as if things might only get worse with each passing hour. I didn't sleep much Thursday night and when I got out of bed Friday morning (Good Friday), I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders as a human, a mother and a Christian fighting to keep my faith. The only thing that got me through was thinking about the original Good Friday and how those that watched Our Lord suffer and die must have felt that day.
As a child, my mother taught me the Good Friday Prayer that was to be said 33 times between the hours of noon and 3 p.m. on Good Friday for every special intention you put at Our Lords feet. It is a powerful prayer which Mom said God always listens too and always answers. This year, I had some powerful intentions that needed to be addressed and I started praying at noon. I finally finished just before 3 p.m. With each prayer I prayed that God's will be that life would take a upturn for all of us, as I wasn't sure any of us could fall any further and survive.
Once said, I tried hard to keep myself busy and to keep my mind clear. I didn't want to think about what I couldn't change. I was waiting to be shown what I could change, what I didn't need to change and what God was taking charge of. By 6 p.m. the first change began. There was communication that I thought was lost. There were tears and hugs and most of all.....hope. By 8 p.m. there was a huge change. By 10 p.m. another line of communication was opened that had for a very long time been non-existent. It was still contentious at best, but it was an opportunity to break the ice and extend the tiniest of olive branches. It was done and now we wait. Friday night this mom slept better than she had in awhile.
Yesterday was a good day. There was more communication from others that I didn't even know I needed to communicate with. I laughed like I hadn't done in quite a while and I actually got out of the house with both my boys. We all truly enjoyed it. However, the best part of it all and the thing I found to be the most miraculous was when we all returned home. Z brought David into the house and sat him on the living room floor. I was bringing in groceries and as I turned around, I saw David immediately roll onto his knees and begin crawling to the stairs. Now this might not sound like much to someone just reading my blog for the first time, but trust me.....this was huge! After four months of surgery, recovery, a leg break, more recovery and numerous and almost fatal setbacks......this is absolutely phenomenal. First he started trying to stand on his own and now this. He in fact did make it to the stairs and made it up the first three stairs before his muscles and his strength gave out. He ended up crying in frustration that he could make it no further which was heart breaking to say the least but certainly not devastating as we know in a very short time he will be making quick work of those stairs. It was amazing and joyful and the first time in months that I have felt as if life was taking a turn for the better.
Don't get me wrong. I still have monsters to slay, finances to figure out and life is far from easy, but this weekend, Good Friday, Holy Saturday and now Easter Sunday have been nothing short of the miracle I needed and that we as a family desperately needed. I can see a change in all of us. The change is a renewed faith and hope for our future. Yes, I think I can finally say that the journey of the last four months is finally at end. The chapter is closed and now today, Easter Sunday, not only is it the beginning of renewed hope for Christians world wide, but for this family it now begins a new journey, a new chapter and maybe even a brand new life.
Happy Easter everyone!