Vacationing in Sucktopia

So if you look to your left, you will see Sucktopia which is smack dab in the middle of Pity Town, just next to the island of I Don't Give A Damn Anymore, which is off the bay of I Give the Hell Up! That's right, this afternoon I am vacationing in Pity Town and as you can probably tell, I am taking the scenic route.

I know! I know! I usually try to make my Sunday blog posts uplifting or spiritual or at the very least.....NOT about how much my life sucks right now, but today the only word that is all encompassing about how I feel about pretty much everything is.....SUCKS!!!!!!!! Frankly, about the only thing that doesn't suck right now is the fact that a local church group came over and cleaned out my pool so that soon David can start PT in it. That I am eternally grateful for. Other than that though.....everything else sucks! I ask you to please humor me during this pity party right now and I promise afterwards to take a flight straight back to Who the Hell Cares? obviously a suburb of We All Have Problems and I will put my big girl panties back on and quit the whining.

So now, let the party begin:

My life has sucked in various stages since the day I arrived home and Z who was five at the time, met me at the door and said, "Daddy is dead!" Since that day, my life has sucked pretty consistently and if it wasn't actually in suck mode at the time, I was fairly confident that the next wave of suck was just around the corner.

Of late, life has been a roller coaster of ridiculousness that at times bordered on life and death. I have only actually tantrumed once during the last six months and that was in the form of an anxiety attack. The rest of the time I have just tied knots in my quickly fraying rope and prayed that I wouldn't end up falling into the molten lava of suck that always seems to boil directly below me. Dramatic? Maybe, and perhaps I need outside perspective. Anyone want to walk in my shoes for a week? Day? Hour? Five minutes.......and tell me if I am being dramatic or not? I would love to find out if I am just imagining all of this or if my life truly does just SUCK!

Someone told me the other day to take an inventory of my life and that they were sure I would see a lot of positive things. Perhaps I should have taken that inventory two days ago before this vacation. Nope. I waited until about half an hour ago and let the inventory begin. She was wrong and I was right. It all sucks. 
Finances.....sucks
Stress level.....sucks
Seizures.....sucks
Headaches.....sucks
Kids stress levels.....sucks
House interior issues.....sucks
House exterior issues.....sucks
Taking a stand with hospitals, schools and for others......it sucks, sucks and sucks!
What friends, family and neighbors think of me........She sucks!
Doing this all by myself with no help, no understanding and a whole hell of a lot of judgement from others.......SUCKITY SUCKS! SUCKS! SUCKS!
So there you have it. Straight across the board. It all just sucks!!!!!!!

As usual, I try to focus on what I can control, but darn it....that sucks too. I can't control the physical issues and it sucks that the stress levels in our lives have been so over the top that now they are also becoming issues for everyone. I am stuck financially which has a direct effect on everyones health and also limits my ability to attend to the interior/exterior issues. The small things can't be addressed so then they become big things and quite frankly......it sucks. And then there is the ability to just get away from it all and relax, think about something else, or just to have some fun. That ability simply doesn't exist......oh and have I mentioned how much this all sucks?

Life is currently crumbling in Lisaland and we are all holding on to both stability and the tiny bits of our sanity that are left. It is no longer a case of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Now we are just praying that when it does....it doesn't just crush us all. Yeah....it sucks!

Today, once again....life turned inside out and upside down in a matter of minutes. In the midst of this upheaval.....the 60 lb dog decided to use the top of my foot as a spring board for the stairs. It is black and blue and painful and I am almost sure a bone is broken. If that didn't suck all on its own, I can't go to the doctor because I am a financial pariah. I can go to the ER, but my foot would have to fall off before I did that. Yep....that sucks too!

As if I hadn't had enough fun today, I was told by a "friend" that I was the current talk of the town. Obviously a slow news day. There was a whole lot of judgement involved in my "friends" statement. Perhaps people are talking because the bottom is visibly falling out of my life or maybe because I have been trying to give others a voice of late, or maybe it is because others think they can live my life better than I do. If that is the case....then please refer to paragraph #4 of this blog. It just sucks and what sucks more is that a "friend" felt the need to even bother telling me this.

Okay....so there you have it. The party in Sucktopia at Pity Town, although fun is now about to end. I am booked on the next flight out. Until then though, I think I will spend the time basking in the glow of all of this suck and pray that my next vacation is a little more fun....say the dentist office for a root canal or perhaps cleaning the toilets at the county jail. At any rate, it is done. I am all sucked out. Yes, I went there.....don't judge me.

Here's hoping that your Sunday sucked a whole lot less than mine.