From Beginning to End...and Back Again!

Double post today! Are you excited? Well....just go with it any way! As I told you....I was not one of the lucky 12 finalists to make it in Blogger Idol, although I was most assuredly in the top 13. (snicker) Poor judges having to decide between me and someone else. But the BI judges have decided to let those of us who just barely missed the mark (meaning me and the other 40 auditioners) play along and do the same challenges that the finalists are given. Of course there are no prizes or winners....just some excellent writing practice and of course some wonderful blogging ideas.

So this weeks challenge/assignment was posted today. It goes as follows:
Your week 1 assignment is to introduce yourself to your audience, and the people that will be voting for you.  Give them a good dose of who you are. Remember, this is going to be where they start picking favorites, so make sure that they want to pick you.  Don't make it about you and your blog, make it about YOU as a person.  You can not use the same thing that you used for your audition. Well here goes blogger fans!

Me? Since I tend to make everything about me....you would think that I would have no problems introducing Me, but it isn't quite as easy as it sounds. When I blog....it is easy to share the parts of me that I want the world to know, but to have to bare my soul in such an assignment....well that is a bit more difficult.

The basics of who I am are as follows. I am a 40ish mother of five. My two oldest are my late husbands by another marriage and yet to me...they are still apart of me and who I am. Then I have my three younger kids one in his twenties, one in his teens and my youngest who is ten and who is my special young man. In 2000 while pregnant with my youngest son, I went into labor 13 weeks early. His life  lay precariously between an NICU incubator and death for the first five months of his existence and his prognosis if he survived was poor. Being the fighter that he was though....he proved everyone wrong and not only survived...but thrived. We took him home on no meds, no tubes, and the doctors declared him a bona fide miracle. His official diagnosis is cerebral palsy, hydrocephalus, developmentally delayed and hearing and visually impaired. With all that....he is the heart and soul of our family and many days the reason I smile.

Within five months of bringing him home....my entire life changed. One morning I woke up with my life going in one direction and by the time my day had ended....I was spinning out of control in a completely different direction. On July 2, 2001 I took my mother to the doctor. We knew the news might not be good...as a spot had been found on her lung. The worst was verified....she had stage 3 lung cancer. Having her lung removed was her only hope of survival. Still processing this information and not knowing what to do with it....I went home to find that my husband had died of a brain aneurysm with only my then five year old there to handle the situation. I had gone from being married to widowed in just a few short hours. And within a years time....I went from having a mom to being orphaned because of cancer.

Who I am now is a direct result of who I have been in the past. My joy, my grief and my struggles have brought me to where I am today. In the last decade I have gone from having a familial support system and the partnership of a marriage...to doing it all on my own. I never signed up for all that has transpired in my life nor the challenges that have been tossed at me from all directions, but out of all the chaos.....a person that I didn't even know existed....has emerged. I have also been inundated with life lessons that possibly in another life situation might have had little or no meaning for me....but now are truths which I hold dear.

Who I am now...is a woman who takes nothing for granted and realizes that everyone and everything in my life are gifts. I never walk out the door or leave someone I love without telling them what they mean to me. I appreciate even the smallest moments that might once have been overlooked and understand what "special" truly means. I know medical terminology better than most, I know what questions to ask and when, I can have a sex talk with a son and not blush, I can run a house, take care of finances, hold down a job (sometimes two) and raise kids....and do it all on my own. Most of all though....I have learned that even in the worst situations....there are always blessings and out of everything, both the good and the not so good.... I have found a strength, a peace and even a bit of  humor that I never knew was a part of me.

My story is not one to pity nor to admire. It is merely the story of woman, like many women who started life one way and in the blink of an eye ended up sideways, on her own and without an owners manual to life or her kids. I have been living Life for Dummies ever since and despite all odds....I seem to be getting the hang of it. Oh...don't get me wrong....there are still obstacles, speed bumps and often times unexpected and unwanted situations and circumstances. But the good news is...I am learning to dodge the obstacles, slow down for the speed bumps and not panic, freak or fall apart during the unexpected and unwanted.

If you have read my blog...you will know that I am not Mother of the Year, I can't handle my tequila, and I tend to make everything about me...because truthfully...most things are. I can at times be wickedly funny and other times, just wicked. I am often innovative (especially when it comes to getting out of something), and always and forever... a work in progress. I love my kids, my life and all my extended family and friends...I just don't love them all at the same time and God love them...they know it.  So this is me folks...walking the tight rope of life without a net and that takes us From Beginning to End....and Back Again!