They All Grow Up

 Zachary age 5/David age 10 months

I realized yesterday...that I am feeling a bit lost again. It has been awhile since I have felt like this. Being the control freak that I obviously am...feeling like this is somewhat unsettling. Especially since I have not had these particular feelings for quite some time.

On further examination...I blame a lot of the feeling on having been sick. Only now am I starting to feel anything resembling myself. Even Friday....having to go to the store, I felt like I was going to pass out before I finished shopping. I know it was just me trying to go 100 mph and my body not yet willing to cooperate...but still, I don't like it. There are other things too....like worry about what is going on in our country right now, family issues (there are ALWAYS family issues), financial issues and David.  I think the biggest thing though that unsettles me the most is......Z.

Yes...last week Z turned 17. He also started a job and for the first time the realization hit me that he is no longer my little boy. I think my heart actually stopped beating for a moment when all of it actually soaked in.

For most of this school year (his junior year) we have spent a great deal of time talking the future. Like a lot of kids his age....the future is vast and open and he wants it all. He has been busily looking at colleges and trying to decide what he wants to be when he grows up. We have talked everything from a sound engineer to just about anything computer. He changes his ideas as often as he changes his clothes. The conversations are so much fun though....because each time we have one....I learn something new about the inner workings of this special young man. He is smart, articulate and I know whatever he chooses.....he will be the best at it.

Yes....I mentioned a new job. I had to laugh when Z went to apply for jobs. He didn't care what the store or place was. He went in and asked if they were hiring. Kind of glad he didn't get called back to some of the places he applied. He finally got the call to come in for an interview at a restaurant in a little town down the road. He was originally told that he would be a line cook and he was excited. Z and cooking go well together. His first night though...he found out he was the dish boy. It is neither as fun nor as glamorous as a line cook and he came home after having his hands in dish water for 5 hours with the skin all but peeling off his fingers. I wasn't sure how he was going to handle doing dishes instead of being a line cook. I asked how he felt about the change in jobs and he said...."Doesn't really matter. I'll just have to be the best darn dishwasher they have ever had." I was impressed!

Since...he has learned to love the job. Well...maybe not the dish part, but he loves that he is always busy and that the time goes fast and he also really likes those he works with. I am very proud of him and from the feedback he is getting from his manager...apparently he is turning out to be a really good dishwasher. You would never have known from his work here at home.....just kidding.

Yeah...it is all going so fast. Z will be going to college in a little over a year....and my baby (David) will be a full fledged teenager this year. I find myself asking...Where has the time gone? Did they grow up when I turned my back?  The answer is...they all grow up...and mine are no exception! I guess this is where the unsettled part comes in. I may be able to control my hair color, what I eat and what my next household project will be but try as I might.....I just can't keep my kids from growing up. And that is why I feel so lost. Sniff

Pinterest 101

Do you Pinterest? Do you even know what I am referring to? So for those of you that already use this amazing site....feel free to add your own two cents in the comments. However....for those of you who have heard of it....but don't know how to use it OR for those of you who have no idea what I am referring to....please sit back and prepare to be wowed....by Pinterest101!

Remember back in the day when you would happen upon a website with information you wanted to keep, a great recipe you wanted to remember or a really cute pair of shoes you wanted to order when you got paid? The only way you could remember these sites was in your toolbar bookmarks. If you were like me though....sometimes the bookmarks took and sometimes they didn't. Unless you were some kind of crazed neat freak with OCD (ignore me....that is the jealousy talking) you never categorized your bookmarks, so to go back and find these pages or to even remember that you marked them was a huge unorganized hassle. Apparently I was not the only one in the internet universe who felt this way....so some extraordinary genus came up with Pinterest.

I know Pinterest has been around since at least 2010 because I was working with a particular person at the time who was constantly telling me I needed to join. At the time...I had just barely joined facebook (fb) and I was trying to figure that out. Another joined website at the time was more than my technically impaired brain could handle. In time though.....with much nudging and me starting to feel like I was really uncool for not being a part (yes....peer pressure is still alive and well)....I joined. Since that moment....I have never looked back.

What it Pinterest you ask? It is a virtual bulletin board or bulletin boards (you can have as many as you like) where if you find something on the internet such as a recipe, shoes, or an interesting article...you can "pin it" to one of your bulletin boards for easy access at a later date. To put it simply.....it is virtual hoarding without having the fear of an intervention or having your space condemned.

How Pinterest works is this? First you go to www.pinterest.com and ask to join. There is just a short little form you fill out to join and then in a day or two you will receive an email saying you have been accepted. You then proceed to the profile area. Here you can give as little or as much information on yourself as you like. You will then have an area that will let you see who of your fb friends is already using Pinterest. There is also a line to look up non-fb friends by name to see if they are using Pinterest too.  It will give you the option to follow  them. Following means that when one of your friends or people you are following pins or repins something....you can see it. You too then have the choice to repin what they pin and put it on your own bulletin board. Your bulletin boards are created by clicking on the "+" at the top of the page. By making bulletin boards such as "recipes", "yard ideas", "indoor design ideas", etc then you have easy and organized access when you are pinning stuff. You can pin just about anything (with a few exceptions....you can't pin anything from fb) by downloading a "pin it" button. You are given instructions how to pin the button to your toolbar. Then when you come upon something you wish to pin....you just hit the "pin it" button in your toolbar and it will let you not only pin it...but pin it to the exact board you want it on.

As time goes on and you start pinning regularly (trust me....it becomes addictive) then others will start to follow you. It can be very interesting some of the people that end up following you and fear not...it is not like fb where you have real interaction with your followers. It is just merely them peeking at your likes and cool finds and you then can peek at theirs. I was explaining all of this to an older woman one day and she looked at me extremely confused and said.."Why do I want to look at things you like?" Well....first of all it really isn't like that. After you begin pinning and seeing others pins...it just becomes a huge exchange of ideas. Everything from craft ideas, recipes and cleaning solutions are shared on Pinterest and you will discover the simplest things that you had never thought of before.

You also will find some interesting types of people on Pinterest. There are those who love haunted places and they will pin places around the country that have a haunted history. I follow one lady who is fascinated by the macabre. She has a board that is nothing but post mortum pictures from the late 1800's and early 1900's. There are boards with Christmas and other holiday ideas, gifts and ideas for bored kids. There are vacation ideas, reading suggestions and even favorite blogs.

If you think about it....Pinterest is pure genus. It is a win for everyone involved. I am sure the inventor is sitting back counting their coin and those websites, blogs, etc that get pinned and repinned are getting their name and product out there many many times a day. Pinterest has also helped many an item, video, recipe take virtual wings and fly. This was more than evident at Christmas time when Walmart could not keep in  baking supplies for some of the favorite pinned Christmas goodie recipes.

Originally I think Pinterest started out as recipe exchange and crafters paradise. Soon though designers, do-it-yourselfers and people with all kinds of ideas from hair styles to retro items started pinning. It was a predominately female site at first...but recently men have been getting their Pinterest on too. You are seeing more and more men pinning hunting gear, hunting sites, cars, garages and do-it-yourself ideas. They too are finding the fun of Pinterest and jumping on board (pun intended).

Pinterest unlike many sites really does appear to have something for everyone and it is an extremely easy site to work with and on. I mean if I can do it...then anyone can. Caution though...it can be addictive and time will literally get away from you as you pin your way through page after page of ideas. I think I am up to about 67 boards and close to 4,000 pins. I realized this morning that in order to do all, see all, use all and taste all that I have pinned...I will now have to live to be at least 135!

So there you have it. Pinterest 101. The site is really pretty self explanatory.....but just in case you try it out and get lost...don't hesitate to contact me and I am sure we can quickly get you back on track with no problem at all. Now that you know the basics....there's only one thing left to do. Lets get to pinning!

You May Now Applaud!

I did not watch tv yesterday. I could not make myself watch the inauguration. Yes...it is history in the making but so has the last four years been and I have a feeling that if the history books are allowed to tell the truth, the legacy this administration will leave behind is one this country will have difficulty ever recovering from. To me every time I watch our current president or vice president speak..... or hear what is going on in our countries capitol...it is like watching the Real World D.C. We have all watched those Real World shows where average American's don't stand a chance and only those who break the rules, offend the masses and alienate anyone with any sense, morals or self esteem are applauded by the public. The ratings are high....but in the end, what did we really gain by viewing? This was how I viewed the inauguration. It was just episode one, season two of lies, bad behavior and unsavory antics from a cast of narcissistic, self indulgent, over paid idiots....and to put it mildly....I wasn't all that crazy about season one!

Yeah....I have never made my thoughts on politics a secret. However....what good has it really done me? Yesterday I had a couple of revelations about life. One....I finally actually feel about 98% well. The congestion is almost gone and I don't feel exhausted just walking across the floor. With this new found energy....there must be something to use it on other than lamenting that which I cannot physically change. The second revelation was that yesterday was the fifth anniversary of David's first seizure. We had five years of febrial seizures, mini seizures and scary events and now...we are almost seizure free. We are also about ready to start a new time in our life where our focus is going to be on David's physical therapy and his walking. There will be little room for fighting a losing battle.

I love facebook(fb). It has been a place where I have reconnected with many and met some wonderful new friends. Sometimes it really makes me laugh and I love being able to keep up with everyone and their families. Anymore though....fb is depressing. Yes....I know our country is in a world of hurt, but I have done what I could. I voted! I have also used my voice when I felt that it mattered. Now though....I feel as if I am just beating a dead horse. No my feelings about the political mire we are in have not changed and I have a feeling of that which I have predicted and posted about time and again is going to come to pass....but people on both sides have quit listening. No one wants to hear it anymore. So.....it has been my experience that the best way to prove you are right about someone or something is simply to shut your mouth and let nature take its course. If I am right about our current administration and the path they are on....this is going to be evident quite soon to even his staunchest supporters. And they will know I was right. However...if I am wrong then I will gladly be the first person to stand up and admit it. God knows....no one wants this man to fail, for if he does...he takes us all with him. But we all need to stop and question.....what our idea of fail is. My idea of fail is losing our rights, destroying the Constitution, more debt and a slide into communism. To others in our country and in our current administration.....this may not be considered a fail. This may be what the goal was all along. Only time will tell and let me say right here and right now....for those of you who see this man as great and as someone who proves to be good for this country.....I hope to heaven that you are right and I am wrong.

All this being said....I am tired of beating the dead horse. I am tired of talking about horrendous national debt, outlandish government spending, healthcare, Benghazi, the Fast and Furious, birth certificates and muslim ties. I am tired of pointing out that if this were Bush he would have been tried and convicted and impeachment would have been inevitable. I am tired of fighting a losing battle with people who don't want to see red flags or those who do see red flags and don't care. Life is too short for all of this and I personally don't want to spend my life battling politics anymore. I am backing away (as much as I can) from the verbal front lines and I am taking my battle to the spiritual front. From here on...I am simply going to use the strongest weapon I have....prayer! Truth is....I don't know Gods plan. Whatever it is though....He is the one in charge....not me, not any political party and certainly not Obama. If I have true faith, then I know all will be as it should be and in the end God's justice will be served. What more do I need to know and why should I worry? As I learned long ago....do what you physically can and turn the rest over to God and that is just what I intend to do.

I can't promise that if something absolutely outrageous happens I won't post an opinion....nor can I promise that I won't have a political blog from time to time. I can however say that I am going to start putting all the time I have spent on political warfare into something more constructive and something much more positive. I have a son to help walk and another whom I have to help become the man I know he is. I have a house that needs an overhaul and a yard that needs a lot of love. I have four legged babies that need a lot of attention and a waistline that needs some added trimming. I have friends who I need to laugh with and family who I need to spend more time with. In other words....I have much in my life that I can control and make better and that is where my focus needs to be.

So there you have it folks....love my political views or hate my political views....bottom line is....you won't be hearing much about them anymore. You may now applaud!

Foul Mouthed, Mean Spirited and Slutty....Oh My!

Yesterday....Z came home with a very familiar story from school. He had suffered a rather bad day due to a bunch of junior and senior girls from his high school who decided that they were mad at Z because he had tried to defuse a situation. Rather than show enough maturity to realize what Z was doing....these young "ladies" and trust me....I use the term loosely, chose to act like classless little witches and spend the day following Z around calling him an effing douche, an effing ass and some other choice names. According to Z...he and others are used to this kind of behavior from many of the little darlings that attend his school. Every day they find a new target for their insults and bad attitudes and if they run out of outsiders to unleash on....then they turn on each other. They are relentless.

I couldn't help but explode in a facebook (fb) rant asking the important questions like "how" and "why"? How do these girls get away with this and why isn't the school paying closer attention? Is this how these girls are brought up? Is this what they see at home between their parents? Is this how they themselves are talked to? No answers, and saddly...this is not Z's first go around with these girls who have mouths that would even make a sailor blush. He knew all too well that making any act of retaliation be it verbal or otherwise would end him up in the office and likely suspended and whats more...they would continue on with their verbal sewage becoming more vicious because of the retaliation. Just another day in high school paradise.

Welcome to the young women of the new millennium. I have been watching many of these young girls since they were in kindergarten. Most of them didn't start out acting entitled, hateful and looking like they just stepped off a working street corner. Quite the contrary. They were cute, fresh faced and innocent. However....as I would pick my kids up from school and year after year watch these little ladies come out of school....you could see the metamorphosis. They went from sweet little things just waiting for mom, dad or the bus to pick them up....to loud, obnoxious, foul mouthed little bullies. Yes....bullies. Now.....I am not talking about all of them.....but enough that I found it rather alarming. I also noticed as these girls were growing and maturing that they were putting their sexuality on display far sooner than they should have even known how to. Young girls barely out of grade school were walking around with an entire make up counter slathered on their face. Tight pants, heels and form fitting shirts were becoming more prevalent and these tweens were walking out of school like the world revolved around them. You could seem them openly laughing at and making fun of other girls who chose a less mature wardrobe or who weren't model perfect and yes....there were times that these gaggle of legends in their own minds would literally gang up and get physically abusive with both girls and boys. It was obvious that someone had let these girls think that they were the only ones that mattered in the school, town and possibly even world.

High school then unleashed these already self proclaimed and highly hormonal diva's on an unsuspecting world. I am no prude, but never have I seen a bigger bunch of foul mouthed bullies than I have seen since Z hit 9th grade. They will verbally and physically abuse other girls whom they don't know, don't like and I suspicion.....find a reason to be jealous of and they gang up like an angry mob on the boys too. The catch is....if someone turns the tables on them and gives them a taste of their own medicine.....they break all land speed records running to the nearest administrative staff they can find, tearing up and telling the story of how they were so horribly mistreated. Guess who ends up serving detention or suspension? You guessed it! Not the dear little princess who started it all.

Having spent my vast mothering years with boys and one young girl who had too much class to act like that, imagine my surprise when I was introduced to this world of devious, hormonal females. When I was growing up...no matter how mean the girl....they still showed a little class because if they didn't...their parents would get involved and NO ONE wanted that. It was an era that if the school called because you did something wrong....then you were in more trouble at home than you ever thought of being in at school. Girls didn't cuss out teachers, use the eff word as both noun and verb in every sentence and if they did decide they didn't like you....you were usually just shunned until they got mad at someone else. Yes...there were girls who were promiscuous....but they were not usually known so much for the way they dressed....but more by reputation. It was a very different time.

In all fairness though.....it is not just here in my little town. I was watching something on a talk show about young women who dress like....yes....sluts. They call themselves and their girl friends sluts, ho's and bitches and talk like they are on a three day fur low from the Navy and yet somehow they are both surprised and angry when they are treated as such. Really????? Did their parents not tell them that if you don't respect yourself...then how do you expect others to? One girl said that no matter how she talked, dressed or referred to herself or others...she should always be treated with the utmost respect. Again with the REALLY????? Was this another life lesson that they missed out on? You are not owed respect....on the contrary you earn it? These girls literally felt that they should be able to wear a shirt that was just one good sneeze away from a wardrobe malfunction and skirts so short that you could see their dental work and still be looked on as ladies. It just boggled my mind. I guarantee you that number one....if a girl is dressed like that, no straight boy is thinking...."My isn't she a lady. Can't wait for Mom to meet her!" And...if one of my sons was hit on the head, temporarily lost their mind and brought a girl dressed like that home to meet me.....the young lady would be offered either a full length bath robe to cover that which her clothes lack the material to cover or she would be ask to leave and not come around looking like that again. Embarrassing for my boys? Likely...but then my boys even on their worst day are too smart to put themselves in that position.....I hope! The point is....these girls don't realize that looking like a slut is NOT sexy. Sexy is leaving something to the imagination. Looking like a slut does not. It screams "I'm easy. I have no self worth and I will likely sleep with just about anyone!" And yet these girls are offended when treated that way. Yes....my eyes in fact did just roll!

And it isn't just how young girls and women dress these days. It is also about their attitude and how they act. Nothing brings this home more than the reality show Bridezilla's. One day when nothing else was on....I watched it for the first time. I will admit that after the first episode I was drawn in...but not for any high level of entertainment it brought to the table. Far from it. I was drawn in because I could not in my wildest dreams imagine anyone acting like this bride-to-be did. The girl was hateful, demanding and degrading to both her parents who were footing the bill for her wedding and her soon to be husband. Hate and insults spewed from her as if it was as natural as breathing. What was worse was those she verbally and once or twice even physically abused....just went along with it. Was this just staged? Maybe....but did it matter? What this show was showing young girls who were already too self entitled and self absorbed that acting like a complete witch and disrespecting and insulting everyone in your hemisphere was not only perfectly okay....but if you played your cards right....you might also end up on tv. What's more....in the end, all your bad behavior will be forgiven because after all.....you are the bride. Horse pucky!

I will admit that I continued to watch after the first episode (it was a marathon), because I thought surely it would get better. I was wrong. Each new bride would bring her own brand of nastiness and childish behavior to the show. Some would belittle and abuse their groom as if he was little more than gum on the bottom of her shoe. Others would treat wedding planners, florists and event coordinators as if somehow they owed these brides perfection at little or no cost. With each additional episode I began to fear for my tv as the urge to want to reach in and slap these selfish and self centered prima donnas grew stronger and stronger. Finally after the fourth or fifth episode and seeing these young brides showing no class, no charm and in most cases very little literacy.....I had to turn it off. Yep....that is just what every mother wants to raise....a freaking Bridezilla!

So I ask, where have we gone wrong as a society? When did we start teaching our girls that they couldn't be beautiful unless their features were hidden under foundation and eyeliner? When did the memo come down that dressing in a way that shows both your girls and your goods is sexy, and that a sentence is not a sentence unless the f word is in it? Surely most mom's don't instill in their daughters that they are sluts, their friends are sluts and somehow by referring to yourself and others as sluts that it is both cute and endearing. Yet....if we watch the school yard or the tv....this is what we see.

Yes...I know your thinking....you are dealing with boys so really....what do you care? The fact is, I care a lot. It is really difficult to watch a pretty young girl, who you know could have the world at her feet...treat others as if they were dirt, to see her dress like she is waiting for her pimp and treat herself as if she is nothing more than an object to be used. It is a recipe for a future of unhappiness and insecurity because her self worth is based on all the wrong things. She hasn't been taught that she is worth respect and when you show respect you get it in return. She will forever be jealous of those traits in other women and thus try to make others feel as insecure as she does. It really makes me sad. It also worries me that one of those creatures might set their sights on one of my sons. You know the old saying...."Nothing will destroy a good man faster than a bad woman!" Every mothers nightmare.

So there you have it. A pure unadulterated rant on foul mouthed, mean spirited, slutty dressing, self disrespecting girls and women. Sorry but I just couldn't help it. However....you can look at the bright side. Not one word of this blog was political....and for that I am sure we are all extremely grateful! ;)

A Little of This, That and Gun Control

Over half way through January and I am finally feeling almost like me again. I still have a lingering cough and migraine-like headaches plaguing my days, but I am assured the end of this flu/strep throat/bronchitis debacle is in sight. Tomorrow I may even try going outside and see what the world outside my four walls is like. I barely remember as I have only been out 3 times since Dec. 17th when this all came on me.

With the new year at hand....I am making some changes here and there and my blog/blogs cannot escape the change. If you are a facebook (fb) friend and read my blog/blogs you probably already have seen part of the change. For quite some time I have had a fb page dedicated to this blog called: From Beginning to End and Back Again. When I post a blog on fb...I also post to this page. However, this blog is not my only blog and I have been told that interested readers either don't know how to get to the other blogs or they get lost in the fb shuffle at times...thus not getting the readership that this blog gets. As of yesterday....that has changed. The former From Beginning.....page is now The Lisa Blogs. This is where posts from all three of my blogs will be posted. Feel free to like the page and show my blogs some love. They are very needy you know.

The second change is going to be the frequency of blogs. In 2011 I had a record blog year. Granted most of my posts were on this blog....but apparently there are those of you that miss my daily or almost daily blogs. I am honored!  Last year Davids blog became a favorite read among many as I blogged daily about his pre surgery, surgery and recovery. I have been asked by many of you if I will ever start blogging daily again. Here's the deal. In my own way I am very obsessive compulsive about things. When I was blogging daily....if I missed a day, I would feel like I let the world down (maybe that is more delusional than OCD but OCD sounds better) and it actually affected my day. Yes...it was unnecessary pressure I put on myself. I promised never to do that to myself again. So here is what I have decided. Life, time and things to blog about willing.....I will try to blog 3 to 5 times per week. The posts will be spread out on all three of my blogs and hopefully along the way....my other two blogs will get more reader love and appreciation.

Now....like you thought I could let the latest news of what is going on in the world go unblogged. Here it is. Yesterday...the president used executive order to circumvent the constitution yet again to further release us of our right to bear arms. All those who think we are not on the slippery slope to becoming a legally unarmed country.....raise your hand. Now come on....I know more of you voted for him than that! Seriously though.....I have never seen such an about face of liberals in my life. People who voted for him are dumbstruck that suddenly we may lose our 2nd Amendment rights. Why? Really...I don't care. The bottom line is "you" voted for him.....I didn't and yet we are somehow stuck in the same boat. I don't think that thank you are quite the words I am looking for.

So here is my unsolicited observation and opinion of all of this. The school shootings are horrific....and yes....they must be stopped. Common sense though tells us that banning guns is not going to stop the criminal element from getting their hands on them. You ban something and suddenly it is black market. Street drugs are illegal and yet even school children can get them. Chicago has/had gun bans and yet people die there everyday from guns. Telling us that we as a country are too stupid to own guns and that we don't have the right to protect ourselves solves nothing. Banning guns solves nothing. Just like illegal drugs....if someone wants to get them bad enough....they will.

My suggestion: bring back the death penalty in all 50 states. Is that gasps I hear? Did you just call me a hypocrite? Yes....I am pro-life. I believe in the respect and protection of all innocent human life from conception to natural death. For years I stood on the fence where the death penalty was concerned. Yes...it is the willful killing of another human being, but not an innocent human being. I firmly believe the death penalty should be the sentence for 1st degree murder whether it is with a gun, knife, rope, etc. These individuals have had their chance at life. They have had their chance to be productive members of society and to live within the law just like the rest of us....however, they made the choice to willfully and maliciously kill someone. With choice comes consequence and the consequence should be a deterrent for such behavior. Death might just be that deterrent. Even the Bible states "An eye for an eye!"  With the stakes that high....that means no three meal a day/tv watching/gym to work out in/and free education and medical care prison sentence. It means you kill someone maliciously and you die. That just might make someone think before they pull that trigger.

Now I know you are going to say....what about those that kill and then before they are caught....kill themselves? For most of us...when push comes to shove, we are a self protecting bunch...meaning that no matter what, we fight for our own lives. Someone who kills them self, no matter the circumstance, is usually someone with pretty severe emotional or mental issues. They don't have the same self preservation need that the rest of us have. And of course....anyone who is going into a school with the intent of of shooting innocent children isn't playing with a full deck in the first place. Adam Lanza...the Sandy Hook, CT gunman did not get his gun legally. In fact he had tried to purchase a gun on his own and was turned down...so he stole his mothers gun. It is also said the Lanza had been showing signs of mental instability for years. If it was in fact his intention to kill those kids....he would have gotten a gun one way or another and if not a gun....he would have found a way to carry out the massacre. The fact is....Lanza was unstable and family and friends knew it. Did his parents ever seek mental health care for him? Did his parents drop the ball or did the mental health care system? Obviously hine sight shows us that Lanza was extremely disturbed and him taking his own life after the massacre proved just how badly disturbed he was. Could this all have been avoided had he had proper care, medication or even been institutionalized? A lot of what if's, but the bottom line is that there is little doubt...gun or not....that Lanza one way or another in his mental state would have carried out killing these kids.

I looked for the statistics on the number of gun killings in 2012 and how many of those killings were done with legal guns. Amazingly I couldn't find the statistics. They are undoubtedly buried under all the anti-gun and gun prevention links. I would bet though...that the number would be interesting. Many gun deaths in the US are drive-by and gang shootings. My bet is that most gang members don't have legal gun permits. And how about those killed in robberies, home invasions and other criminal acts. Do you think most of those happen with guns that are legally procured? Of course not! They happen with guns purchased illegally or stolen. This says that when you take the guns out of legal law abiding citizens hands....then the only ones with guns will be the criminals.

We hear about the gun deaths like Sandy Hook. In fact it is played day and night until we can see nothing but the faces of the children (master manipulation by the media) even in our sleep, but what we rarely hear about or see is how many robberies, home invasions and other criminal acts are thwarted because law abiding citizens have Conceal and Carry licenses and do? Again....I looked up the statistics and amazingly again....if they are there....they are 1000 pages down under anti-gun propaganda. Let's face it. We have a government who is heavily protected by gun power, but they don't want the same for their citizens. You will hear precious little about guns saving home owners lives, or school children's lives or the lives of those in the midst of a robbery because it goes against this administrations desire to disarm us. All you will hear is that guns kill, guns are bad and guns need to be banned. I think another leader....what was his name? Oh yeah....Adolph Hitler preached much the same propaganda at another time in history. And how did that work out for his citizens?

So if you are opposed to the death penalty and you don't feel that mental health care needs to be stepped up, then how about this.....when the CIA and Secret Service stop using guns to protect the president, his family and all those they protect.....THEN you can talk about unarming Americans. Until then Mr. President...don't act as if your family is more precious than mine, nor your life more worthy of staying alive than mine. Punishing the majority for the acts of the few is wrong. Punish those who commit the act and make the consequences dire and you just might see a decrease in killings both gun related and otherwise.

Sadly...there will always be those who slip through the cracks. For whatever reason they will wish harm to others and will carry it out whether it means blowing up a federal building, flying a plane into the Twin Towers or opening fire on a bunch of school children. Is our next step to outlaw planes, fertilizer, rental trucks and any number of other items that can and have been used to kill...or do we get off the knee jerk reaction to ban what we cannot control and go take steps to fix the real problem.  The thing that all of those benign and yet lethal items all have in common are imperfect humans with ill will towards others. Fix the human equation and the guns, planes, fertilizer, bats, rocks, ropes and all the rest will no longer be an issue.

There is obviously so much more I could say on this subject and so much wrong that is going on in our country today. I know I should be relieved that there are eyes being opened as we speak to what the next four years could be like. There are those wishing they had voted differently and those who are angry because they feel they have been duped. You can't change the past and we can't bring November back. What we can do though is to fight to keep Mr. Obama accountable. He still has not answered for Benghazi and his continued desire to cut corners and circumvent both congress and the Constitution when he doesn't get his way.....need to be addressed....along with his own personal extravagant spending on the tax payers dollar when we as a country are nearly bankrupt. This country is only lost when we quit fighting for what is right and continue to allow leaders to stomp on and disregard the Constitution. I don't think we are there yet and now more than ever.....I think I just might see a glimmer of hope as blinders are being thrown aside and common sense is once again starting to show signs of life!

So there you have it. A little of this, that and gun control!

Organizing the Hoard

For those that didn't know my mom...she was an interesting person. For those that "thought" they knew my mom....I would wager a bet that you really didn't. It is funny how people deal with and move on from incidents or circumstances in their lives. An example would be that my mom and her siblings grew up before, during and after the depression. Mom was born towards the end....but growing up on a farm in Oklahoma meant that they survived on necessities and everything above and beyond was considered a luxury. This lifestyle tends to leave indelible marks on a person and I am sure there is not one of us who hasn't been around a depression survivor that even all these years later....regardless of income.....they still have a frugal side to them. Often it leaves them with a minimalist decorating style, simply because they grew up that way. This could not be further from who my mother was.

I think because my mother grew up with nothing....things meant something to her. They meant far more to her than they ever did to me and as I have grown older....they mean even less. My mother when we were growing up had a love of garage sales...mainly because this is what we could afford. My brother and I wore, played with and had every inch of our living space decorated by yard sales, garage sales and estate sales. Our Christmas's were phenomenal growing up as mom would garage sale from early spring to late fall and she had an eye for a bargain. If it wasn't bargain enough...she would haggle. No...our things were almost never new....but we never really cared. As you can imagine....over the years, stuff started to fill our house.

Growing up....even though we had a lot of stuff...Mom was an impeccable house keeper. Every week she cleaned and every two weeks she thoroughly cleaned....moving furniture, cleaning windows and flipping mattresses. It would take her two days as she had to also clean her collection of antique plates, my collection of dolls, her nick knacks that covered every  open space and pictures galore. Most people would walk in our house and be amazed at all the stuff and for those with any kind of claustrophobia.....our house I am sure was not a comfortable one.

Christmas time was a particularly uncomfortable time for me. Mom had decorations that she had collected since she had left her parents home. She also kept every Christmas picture and decoration my brother and I had ever made in school. Add all that to new found garage sale finds and decorating our house took days. Like her decorating style the rest of the year....Mom filled every nook and crany with with Christmas. Helping her decorate was out of the question for she had a purpose for each decoration, each light and each bulb. A misplaced decoration or God forbid an accidental bulb breakage and Christmas was darn near ruined. It was overwhelming before, during and after. Granted....the tree was always gorgeous but the taking down of the decorations was not nearly as much fun as the decorating....so often we still looked like Santa's workshop long into January, sometimes February and one year.....March. I grew to dislike the decorating aspect of Christmas early on.

Later in life....Mom started working, and as my brother and I left home....her house did not stay on the same cleaning schedule as in earlier years. Now though....Mom had more money and she still loved to shop. If she found a shirt she liked, pants she liked or shoes she liked....she would buy them in every color. She was also an earring fanatic. The woman had earrings for every day of the year and seldom would she ever wear the same pair twice. She also developed a love of Boyd Bears and all things angel. It almost became an addiction and her supplier was a lovely woman who owned a small shop in an adjacent town. She was a Boyd distributor and whenever she got a new shipment in....she would call Mom. Since my brother and I no longer lived at home....her second story was vacant and since she really didn't have time to display all of her pretties nor apparently to even remove them from their boxes (likely because she didn't have the room)....her upstairs became a store room for bags of clothes, Boyds, angels and anything else that struck her fancy. Coming to her house was never much fun if she sent me upstairs for anything.

After Mom was diagnosed with her second to the last cancer...her shopping became survivalist. She would go to Sams and buy literally tons of toilet paper, paper towels, laundry detergent, etc. It would either be hauled to the 2nd story or when room ran out there....I would haul it to the already overflowing basement. After one shopping trip and me hauling arm loads of items she already had....I asked her WHY? Why did she keep buying all this stuff? Her answer: "Because I have to be around to use it all up." Sadly....her philosophy on stuff vs. survival was incorrect.

My take on growing up and my mother is: I have no idea. Perhaps stuff gave her security. Perhaps it filled a void somewhere deep inside her. Perhaps I will simply never know why stuff was so important to her and why in the end she used it to guage her survival. What I do know is that systematically as an adult I too was turning into a hoarder. (Yes...I said hoarder). Mom not only bought for herself...she bought for my brother and I too. She loaded us up with Christmas decorations and nick knacks every chance she got. It wasn't long before stuff was bulging out of my 900 sq. ft. house and my husband was not too happy about it. I hated it too because I was no great lover of cleaning and the more stuff you have the more stuff you have to clean.

Even when we moved and had about 300 sq. ft. more living space....we still had too much stuff. Then Tim...my husband died. I looked around and I had so much stuff and I didn't want to touch a thing. It was as if I didn't move, touch or throw out anything.....that somehow I would be able to keep Tim alive. Then Mom died. It was at this time that my dad offered me her house. Even after my brother came in and took the things he wanted.....there was still so much stuff. There was her stuff and now my stuff and there was no room. I felt so torn because I couldn't get over the feeling that this was her house and somehow getting rid of anything was disrespectful to her. It took a couple of months for me to realize that until I made it "my" home......it would never be comfortable for any of us. So what did I do? I had a yard sale. I went through what I thought was everything and I filled the garage, the driveway and the yard. We had somewhere around 100 pair of shoes, literally bags of clothes some with the price tag still on them. We had over 1000 pair of earrings and Boyd Bears and angels coming out our ears. I sold it all dirt cheap as I really wanted it out of my house. What a relief when all was said and done, to have room for my things in my house.

That was ten years ago. Since....I have had several other garage sales as well as made many trips to Goodwill with literally car loads of stuff. Each time I think I have cleared it all out....I find more. I try very hard to live minimalist....but I have a few minor addictions myself such as....shoes! I can't help it. I still also find myself in a struggle when it comes to getting rid of things. My upbringing of honoring stuff sometimes gets in the way and I have to give myself a mental talking to. Every time I think I have it all cleared out....only to later find I am still holding on to things. 

It was my desire that this year (2013) would hopefully be the year of organization. The older I get the more I crave it. I knew this meant going places and doing things I really didn't want to do. I made my mind up to do it anyway. This last week...when being sick permitted....I decided to tackle the utility room of my basement. This room has been the bain of my existence for a very long time. This is where I have to do laundry but it has always been so cluttered and dingy that I simply hated going down there. In this room housed tubs full of stuff; blankets, decorations, tools and miscellaneous crap. My first step was to clean under the stairs. It dawned on me as I was dragging all the stuff out....that I had never cleaned under these stairs. I had shoved stuff back there on stuff already there....but I had never actually cleaned. This was more than evident as I pulled out things that I remembered my mom storing back there 30 plus years ago. I am sure that it had been that long since anything was pulled out and cleaned. I found things I hadn't seen in years and the emotional struggle of do I keep them started rearing its ugly head. Then I would ask....."Do I need it? What will I do with it? Can someone else make better use of it?" I quickly began making huge piles for Goodwill. Once the stairs were cleaned then I had room to store all my Christmas and other holiday decorations. Then I went through tub after tub of sheets that no longer fit beds, magazines that no longer had purpose and pictures. Now the pictures I am still having issue with and set them aside to go through...BUT...I gave myself until the end of the month to decide on a course of action for them. The last thing I did was go through tools. I had Mom's tools, Tims tools and tools of my own. They all now have homes in lidded and labeled containers. Never have tools been so accessible in this house.

As of yesterday the utility room was cleaned. Cement walls were cleaned, the cement floor was cleaned and everything had a place. There is room to deposit dirty laundry and room to hang and fold clean laundry. It dawned on me as I was finishing up that in all the almost off and on 40 years that I had lived in this house....that never had this room been so clean nor had it been so empty (even in Mom's manic cleaning days). It really felt good and made me excited to move on to the next room.

I guess Mom's growing up with a lack of things made her cherish things. On the other hand....my growing up with an emphasis on things....has made me appreciate and strive for something more satisfying than things. I have come to the conclusion that for me....satisfaction is a clean house with little clutter. It makes me wonder though how my ways will affect the next generation. Only time will tell.

Political Tourettes and All that Implies

The other day I received a private message on facebook that said: "You post like you have political tourettes." Not knowing the person who messaged me this very well....I was not sure whether it was meant to be funny or a back handed insult. Either way....it hit me as hysterical and I laughed myself into a coughing fit that almost made me pass out. For those of you who might not know just exactly what tourettes is....in a nutshell it is a disease in which a person uncontrollably speaks out inappropriate words or short sentences. Tourettes mixed with politics just made me laugh.

To be completely fair....this message followed a morning of political posts I had made on fb. They were not all original, but they all spoke to what I have been feeling since 2008. Then I started thinking about it and realized that political tourettes(PT) must be sweeping the nation as I am not the only one firing off political memes, quotes and sayings as fast as my computer can load them. In fact....I am mild compared to some. I did however go back and look at my own fb page only to realize that in a few short months I had gone from posting cute animal pictures and messages about my mundane days....to a lot of politically based info. And maybe I found the tourettes comparison so funny because in a way it was true. There are simply days that I cannot help myself. As far as the inappropriate goes though....only to those who I am sure...disagree. So I ask myself....Why this sudden burst of  PT?

You know me....I have to get to the bottom of these mysteries so I did some soul searching on it and this is what I have come up with. I have always voted. I was brought up that voting was a privelege and not necessarily would it always be a right. In order to keep it a right....we must always vote. I was also brought up that you must always vote your conscience, meaning that if someone who was running for office and they supported issues that were morally offensive to you or you felt them to be dishonest.....you must not vote for them. There have always been at least two sides in every election (big elections) and usually if the two were somewhat similar...you voted your party. It was a fairly simple process and one I actually paid very little attention to. It wasn't until I became involved with a political message board and actually started learning the ins and outs of politics that I realized there was nothing simple about it. The people we have voted for in the past have a great effect on what has lead up to our current catastrophe. We have had a menagerie of leaders and all have contributed to the debt, to alliances, to trade and most importantly their own agenda's. Some had the countries best interest at heart and others had their own interests at heart....but for every bad spending decision, every bad alliance and every self serving choice....the American people have and will continue to suffer.

Once I became immersed in what was REALLY going on politically....after a while it became overwhelming. So overwhelming in fact that I had to step away. The predictions of doom and gloom for the economy our health care system and our freedoms seemed almost far fetched at the time and although I agreed with the premise of conservity (like my new word?) some conservatives were down right scaring me with these predictions and I really didn't want to think anymore about it. That's right....I stuck my head in the sand and did my best to ignore it all.

Even through Obama's first term as president...I really tried to stay politically unavailable. When the healthcare bill passed and it was obvious that no one even knew what was in it and that some in congress were obviously being "nudged" into voting for it....I was angry but again....I let the anger slip into passivity and put myself into a self created news blackout. If I didn't know what was going on....then I didn't have to acknowledge its existence. You know...that worked for awhile. Thus I avoided political fb posts....often hiding the political posts of friends whom I knew were involved in and vocal about their political beliefs. Only on rare occasions did I speak out and each time I was careful to be respectful of all of my fb friends.

Jump ahead to September/October 2012. I suddenly realized that people whom had never in their lives given two hoots about politics were speaking up. The election was drawing near and we faced with many broken promises from the previous election. Our soldiers who were "coming home" were now in Afghanistan. The job market was still on the skids. Small banks were being regulated to the point that big loans (some cars and home loans) were impossible to get, small business was dwindling, welfare was spiraling and with the new health care there was talk of "chipping" recipients and we must ALL be recipients or else there would be financial penalties. Then Benghazi happened! Something that would have gotten any other president impeached....was swept under the rug and completely ignored and the absolute worst thing I saw was people whom I knew were bright, intelligent people.....refused to acknowledge any of this. Words like "Obama is a great man," and "Obama is our savior" were coming out of their mouths. They jumped to his rescue when ever anyone dare question his presidency and like the mainstream media....pretended that Benghazi never happened. I was baffled and the very reaction of these people....some I knew very well.....scared me. I knew that if Bush had been in Obama's shoes...not only would these same individuals have demanded his impeachment......but he would likely have been tarred and feathered on the way out. It was all too clear that my ostrich days were over. Just as presidents before him....Obama's choices would be affecting the future and it wasn't about me....it was about my kids and grand kids. The rate we were headed....home ownership, middle class and freedom would be things the next generation would know nothing about. Now was not the time to go quietly into the night. Now was the time to speak up while it was still a right.

At first when I posted....I tried to find ways to say what I felt needed to be said without disrespecting others. I took heat from both sides on this as some felt I was saying way too little and others way too much. Then....suddenly I saw people begin turning on each other. I saw family members having verbal political wars, friends unfriending each other and just a lot of nastiness. When I would ask questions about how liberals felt about something Obama had said or done....I was either told what a great man he was and that I needed to stop watching FOX news, given a laundry list of excuses why unemployment was still high, why small businesses were closing and why he had spent millions of taxpayers dollars on vacations, or more often than not.....I was either openly or behind the scenes pelted with name calling and insults...which translated means: We don't know why these things are happening, we don't want you bringing it to our attention and we for some odd reason think this man is the greatest thing since sliced bread so just shut up!

I think this is when the PT really set in. I think my thought was that these people were intelligent. For some reason they either didn't know what was going on or didn't realize the severity....so maybe if I just kept posting the documented facts, they would get it before the election. I couldn't help myself. Every time I hit fb my fingers took on a life of their own and apparently their only mindset was political. In hindsight....it was to no avail. If I caught anyone's attention or made anyone think at all....I never heard it. I did though lose some fb friends and sadly....a couple were actually real life friends too. Although they didn't admit it was political, I knew and they knew I knew. I wasn't the only one though. This election was the first I believe that caused such major rifts. It could be felt as close as our own home and as far as other countries opinions of us and was propagated by both the mainstream news media and the president himself.

After the election, some interesting things happened. First...I think everyone was worn out and the holidays were looming ahead. In past elections....there was often some winning side gloating but I didn't see much of that here. In fact what I saw was liberals just wanting to "go back to normal"....whatever that was after the last four years. There was little face shoving or happy dancing going on....at least in my world. Even the conservatives were tired and had the desire to find a normal. That is hard though....when you want to hope for the best but fear the very worst. It is also hard when you have a situation such as Benghazi still looming over head full of coverups and lies. It is hard when straight out of the gate the newly elected president (for his second term) says he will  not focus on promises he made to get re-elected, he and his family are headed off on a all taxpayer expense vacation to Hawaii.....oh and let us not forget that the federal government is claiming that we are about to fall head first off a "fiscal cliff. " And what about those 2nd Amendment rights? As much as I would like to have stuck my head right back in the sand...it just wasn't going to happen.

I, like many of my fellow conservatives have given up on the hopes that our intelligent family and friends of a liberal nature are going to see any light bulb suddenly go on where this man and his administration are concerned. And don't get me wrong......most of us are none too fond of some of our own so-called conservative congressman either. Still...if we silence ourselves...it doesn't make the situation go away. On the contrary....it makes it worse, making it easier for a corrupt government to hide, sneak and circumvent their way around the Constitution and our rights as United States citizens. In a very short time....the government will no longer answer to the people....the people will be answering to the government.

I guess this is what brings me to my PT. I have come to a place in my life where the future is very important. Not my future....the future of my children. We are on the fast track to socialism and loss of everything that has ever made this country great. Oh it is cloaked in mystical words such as "free", "universal healthcare" and did I mention "free?" However we will end up paying far more than any of us ever bargained for. I guess the old saying "you can put lipstick on a pig...but it is still gonna be a pig," could not ring any truer than it does here. The worst thing any American can do is silence themselves or let others silence them. If we don't speak out on the wrongs that we blatantly see happening around us....then we are no better than those committing the wrongs and just as guilty. From what I am seeing.....I am not alone. No longer are those of us watching our country fall worried about offending those who refuse to see the proverbial nose on their face. Don't like what I have to say.....then prove me wrong! Don't blow smoke up my skirt about Obama's greatness.....show me documented proof of it. Otherwise expect a lot more PT and not just from me....but from all those out there who don't see Obama as any sort of savior....but as the socialistic, money spending, truth dodging, finger pointing man he is. As I said before....what if it were Bush doing all of this instead of Obama?

So there you have it. My name is Lisa and I have political turrettes and all that implies and I don't see that changing......anytime soon!

Unsolicited Wisdom for 2013

It is 2013, 4:30 a.m. and the kids go back to school today. I knew that my fluctuation between too much sleep and not enough sleep over the last 2 weeks would eventually catch up with me and cause a VERY early morning eventually. Today is the day. The upside is....I really think I have finally turned a corner with this flu thing and for the most part I actually feel better. The ever-so-often coughing fits still aren't much fun and my energy is way down, but all in all I do fell better.

I have to say that even being sick....this New Years Eve into New Years Day was a much more pleasant experience than the previous year. First of all I didn't spend the last hours of 2012 with one foot hanging off the bed...trying to make the room stop spinning. I also did not wake up Jan. 1st laying on the bathroom floor chastising myself for a rather juvenile display of alcohol consumption only rivaled by my younger days playing quarters with Jack Daniels. No this year I saw the clock strike 12 while watching a DVR'd episode of a 1970's favorite Emergency. I could hear the fireworks all over town as I watched 2012 slip away and welcomed 2013. This year the optimism for the new year was pretty high...possibly because I was hoping my days long flu would slip away right along with 2012.

Amazingly...so far 2013 (although we are only in day 3) has been somewhat productive. I have almost completed a job (cleaning my utility/storage room) that has not been done thoroughly in about 10 years. Now before you cringe at such a thought....please know that I am not a completely disgusting housekeeper, it is just that there are things I have cleaned around for many years. Most were things that I still had that belonged to Tim and Mom. Silly things that both would have laughed at me for keeping. Since Mom has been gone 10 years now and Tim eleven...I decided it was time to let go. There were also things that I had kept for God knows what reasons. My purging method was to give a box a once over to make sure there was nothing of any real value in it and then I would just toss the entire box. Common sense said that if I hadn't missed it in the last decade....chances are I really didn't need it. I faced dust bunnies, spiders and lots of dust but the room is almost finished. Now it is just a matter of going through umpteen boxes of tools and organizing them....and then I should be good (with that room anyway). The people at Goodwill and I are going to become very close as I predict I will be making a number of visits to them dropping off my past to hopefully make someone elses future a little brighter.

I was thinking yesterday as I was shoulder deep in dust....about the new year. It is funny how Dec. 31st always seems so full of hope and promise and then Jan. 1st, or maybe the 3rd or maybe even the 15th....there is often times an emotional crash which leaves us feeling that the hope and promise we were awaiting.....where just a cruel lie because nothing has really changed. Why? Because it is true! Dec. 31st and Jan. 1st or 3rd or 15th are just dates on a calendar. Nothing more. The only way those dates have any real power is if we put effort and change into them. The crash comes when we don't change anything from Dec. 31st on. If we stay the same....then so will the New Year....which brings me to my next thought. Since change inside us and not the date on the calendar is what counts.....then it really doesn't matter if it is Jan. 1st, March 12th or July 26th....we can begin change at any time.

My train of thought while dumping boxes full of the past....then meandered on to resolutions. Facebook has been full of funny memes about short lived resolutions and failed hopes going into this new year. We have all been there. We resolve Dec. 31st to lose weight, break a bad habit or start something new only to watch that resolution fall by the wayside somewhere between the 1st of Jan. and the 1st of February. We feel like failures and then continue on with our lives knowing that once again we set ourselves up to fail. I threw New Years resolutions out several years ago realizing that part of the lack of commitment came from an overwhelming expectation and too much time to achieve, meaning.....committing to anything straight out of the gate for 365 days is almost always a recipe for disaster. There is a reason that one of AA's motto's is One Day at a Time. Most of us can change for a day, even if we have to break it down into hours and minutes much easier than we can a year. It gives us a feeling of immediate accomplishment and fuels the fire to achieve again the next day. Another way we set ourselves up is that we seem to have this ideology that somehow we are to be perfect when we resolve to change. If we decided to quit snacking or quit smoking (likely something that didn't become a habit overnight) then somehow we are suppose to magically just quit cold turkey and be successful. If we back slide and have a couple/bag of chips or smoke even once then suddenly we brand ourselves failures and rather than slap our own hand, acknowledge the moment of weakness and then attempt to do better....we quit in the midst of our own shame and perceived nothingness. And sadly....chances are...whatever it is we were attempting to change will now become an even worse habit. So this year....the only long term resolution I have is to cut myself a break and to realize that a moment of weakness does not equal complete failure. All other resolves I have will start out short term. If they turn into long term....then great but short term is where I am at this year. I refuse to set myself up to fail yet again.

Somewhere tied in with all of this...I have noticed a great deal of depression roaming amongst my friends and those on facebook. I was discussing this with someone the other day and their take was that the world we currently live in has caused this. There have been some world tragedies, the elections and all the negativity surrounding it, lack of money and constantly living under the threat of not only individuals being broke but our country at large being broke. Prices are going up and paychecks (if you are lucky enough to have one) are not keeping up. The world in general right now seems to be a little darker and people simply aren't coping well. Of course along with these things....people seem to have a lot of personal issues also such as illness, family issues, loss, etc. Rather than make personal change through baby steps....people are just stopping. They are doing what they have to...to get by, and then pulling into themselves avoiding the rest of the world both the good and the bad. I can feel for them. Been there, done that and have several t-shirts to prove it. That being said...I learned that you will remain in that funk if you don't make a change and no one can make that change for you. You may not be able to fix all your problems but you certainly can work on certain areas....and magically you will find that slowly but surely....some of the things that seemed insurmountable before....either simply take care of themselves....or you find a way to fix them. The old saying "Attitude is everything," I have no doubt was coined by someone who found out just how important an attitude adjustment was.

Well....as always, the blog took on a life of its own. I have yet to go back and re-read what I have written....but I am sure it is chock full of my usual unsolicited wisdom. Sorry....this is what you get at the ungodly hour of 4:30 a.m. So here it is...my first blog of 2013. Hope it finds you happy, healthy and ready for a great new year!