They All Grow Up

 Zachary age 5/David age 10 months

I realized yesterday...that I am feeling a bit lost again. It has been awhile since I have felt like this. Being the control freak that I obviously am...feeling like this is somewhat unsettling. Especially since I have not had these particular feelings for quite some time.

On further examination...I blame a lot of the feeling on having been sick. Only now am I starting to feel anything resembling myself. Even Friday....having to go to the store, I felt like I was going to pass out before I finished shopping. I know it was just me trying to go 100 mph and my body not yet willing to cooperate...but still, I don't like it. There are other things too....like worry about what is going on in our country right now, family issues (there are ALWAYS family issues), financial issues and David.  I think the biggest thing though that unsettles me the most is......Z.

Yes...last week Z turned 17. He also started a job and for the first time the realization hit me that he is no longer my little boy. I think my heart actually stopped beating for a moment when all of it actually soaked in.

For most of this school year (his junior year) we have spent a great deal of time talking the future. Like a lot of kids his age....the future is vast and open and he wants it all. He has been busily looking at colleges and trying to decide what he wants to be when he grows up. We have talked everything from a sound engineer to just about anything computer. He changes his ideas as often as he changes his clothes. The conversations are so much fun though....because each time we have one....I learn something new about the inner workings of this special young man. He is smart, articulate and I know whatever he chooses.....he will be the best at it.

Yes....I mentioned a new job. I had to laugh when Z went to apply for jobs. He didn't care what the store or place was. He went in and asked if they were hiring. Kind of glad he didn't get called back to some of the places he applied. He finally got the call to come in for an interview at a restaurant in a little town down the road. He was originally told that he would be a line cook and he was excited. Z and cooking go well together. His first night though...he found out he was the dish boy. It is neither as fun nor as glamorous as a line cook and he came home after having his hands in dish water for 5 hours with the skin all but peeling off his fingers. I wasn't sure how he was going to handle doing dishes instead of being a line cook. I asked how he felt about the change in jobs and he said...."Doesn't really matter. I'll just have to be the best darn dishwasher they have ever had." I was impressed!

Since...he has learned to love the job. Well...maybe not the dish part, but he loves that he is always busy and that the time goes fast and he also really likes those he works with. I am very proud of him and from the feedback he is getting from his manager...apparently he is turning out to be a really good dishwasher. You would never have known from his work here at home.....just kidding.

Yeah...it is all going so fast. Z will be going to college in a little over a year....and my baby (David) will be a full fledged teenager this year. I find myself asking...Where has the time gone? Did they grow up when I turned my back?  The answer is...they all grow up...and mine are no exception! I guess this is where the unsettled part comes in. I may be able to control my hair color, what I eat and what my next household project will be but try as I might.....I just can't keep my kids from growing up. And that is why I feel so lost. Sniff