A Helluva Week

It has been a helluva week. Actually the last couple of weeks have had me peeling my fingernails but this week has been a doozie. I got my test results back today. Yes, there is a spot on my lung. What that spot is they don't know however, the radiologist was NOT worried about it. He said to just wait and do another CT in three months and see if it has changed. I was so happy the radiologist was not worried. Unfortunately, I have a bit more at stake than the radiologist. It took all the control I have (and we all know that ain't much) not to scream at the nurse through the phone and say HELL NO! I am not a big fan of the "wait and see" notion. Especially not with my family cancer history. The advice that I got from everyone after the results were in was......get a second opinion. I was way ahead of them.

Monday I have a follow up appointment with my doctor. She is a breast cancer specialist who is very familiar with my family history. I plan on having a detailed conversation with her on this. I would much rather be pro-active and find out that it is nothing rather than "wait and see" and then find myself being reactive if it turns out to be something that has decided to grow or even spread in the next three months. In case you can't tell, I am feeling a bit irritated and overwhelmed right now.

It is currently late night, early morning and once again I am waiting on Z. So much is going through my head. It has suddenly hit me that this is his last year in high school. It hardly seems possible. I have absolutely no idea where the time has gone. It was also brought home to me tonight just how expensive this year is going to be. A lottery win would sure come in handy about now. Yeah....I know, we could ALL use a lottery win. Money aside though, there is the realization that things are going to start changing rapidly around here. Z has many school and social commitments this year. I am having to let go (and we all know I suck at that) and let him find his way in the world. I find myself having to stand back and trying to decide when I should "mother" and when I should let him handle things. It is so far a work in progress. Boy this whole parenting thing sure looked a lot easier in my 20's than it does now.

Yes, I am a bit overwhelmed right now but if I stand back and view the really big picture.....life here in Lisaland is really not that bad. Everything is moving in the direction it should. Kids are growing up and moving forward. That is a good thing. Yes I am worried about health issues, but I am not sick. I don't even know if I have anything to worry about, but I have been conscientious enough that if there is something there......hopefully it is caught early and easily eradicated. Compared to my health...money is a fairly benign issue and I will cross the financial bridges of a senior in high school as they come. Other than that....I have amazing kids, great friends and my faith. I am very blessed.

Okay, it is time for bed. The dogs are giving me dirty looks through sleepy eyes as they want to go to bed and I am still on the computer. Apparently they don't feel that they can just go up to bed without me. The journey I guess needs to be a group effort. Tomorrow is another day and hopefully with a little sleep, a good house cleaning and a trip to Mass I will be a little less overwhelmed come the new week.

So I guess I will say "good night!" Or is it "good morning?" Oh and by the way...today is a very good friends birthday. If you happen to see Chris Landis.....wish her a very happy birthday. This is her last year in her forties!