You Kids Get Off My Lawn

In the 1960's, the term generation gap was coined. It was a term widely used in the media and in everyday life to describe the lack of communication and understanding between 18, 19, 20 somethings and those of their parents and grandparents age. It was a time in America when kids were not satisfied with the status quo and were asking tough questions and demanding answers. They were raging against the machine of post 1950's ultra conservatism and fighting against everything from the war to clothing styles. While the term is really not used much anymore, I am beyond convinced that the generation gap is still alive and well and last night I witnessed it with my own eyes.

Before I continue though, let me say a little about this gap as at my more mature age in life, I am privy to both sides of this phenomenon. Since the moment kids came out from under the belief system of the 30's, 40's and 50's that kids should be seen and not heard and that what their parents believed was what they also should believe, young America realized they had power. They had the power to speak out, speak up and change the world and they didn't care if their older counterparts liked it or not. Unfortunately what they exuded in youth, energy and passion, they sometimes lacked in experience, knowledge and common sense.

As for the older generation...... well they had the experience, knowledge and common sense and their life experience often saw disaster on the horizon with the impending change that young America was pushing for. They had learned from trial and error over many years that sometimes it was better to err on the side of caution. They also had lived long enough and been through enough that by the time they reached a certain age...they were simply tired. They didn't want the upheaval, the drama and the inevitable.....dare I say.....change that this younger generation was going to precipitate. So the older generation became viewed not as wise and cautious, but as old and unchanging. For me, the mental picture of the old scowly faced guy in the cardigan sweater yelling out the window, "You kids stay off my lawn," always comes to mind because in reality the yard represents the world the old man can control and by the younger generation changing things (or playing on his lawn), he is losing control of the world he knows. Trust me.....I do get it. 

All this being said, change is inevitable and with each new generation things will continue to change. Add in to that social media and 24 hours news and that change will be in our face 24/7 long after this current generation of American youth are screaming for the next generations to get off their lawns.

So shifting gears a bit, I run several hometown facebook pages. One of those pages is for town issues where people can discuss, vent and hopefully from time to time....solve local problems. There are rules for this page simply because of the things that are dealt with. Of course there is the expectation that people are respectful and adult-like which sometimes in some situations makes me feel like I am den mother to a bunch of middle aged adolescents. Because of this very thing, there is an age limit  (18) to be able to join. Well, actually....you must be 18 and out of high school. We already have enough adults acting like they are in high school, I really didn't want to throw real high schoolers in the mix. I was afraid their maturity my embarrass the actual adults. ;) So every year, as school gets out, I have about a handful of graduated 18 year olds that ask to join the page. What usually happens is that once they join and realize how boring the town talk is and how some of the adults tend to act, we never hear from them again. This year though.....it was different.

Starting last week, we had an influx of new members. All that joined had their birth dates listed as Dec. 31, 1969 which wasn't a dead give away or anything, especially since in our town, if you don't know everyone personally, you at least know who they are. Most all of these new members were just graduated or in their early 20's. Most were also guys. After a day or two, unlike all the other years....these guys started posting. I have no doubt that after reading all the posts on this page that previously had been blocked to them, they were highly underwhelmed with both the content and the "adults" posting it, so they decided to liven it up.

Suddenly a post was made by a young man that was posted as a serious issue, but was obviously meant as a humorous joke. His friends immediately joined in and the post went crazy. So did my fb messages complaining about these kids turning the page into a sham and them being disrespectful. I also started having people in the group reporting the post. Maybe it was because I have boys and know their humor at that age or maybe it was because I have been dealing with very real and very serious issues in my life and on a scale from one to serious, this silly post rated a -10, but I just watched for a bit. The complaints kept coming so I even posted on there myself and said I thought the post was just a little levity to lighten a rather serious page. Unfortunately, as the exuberance of youth, the beginning of summer and likely a bit of boredom on their part often do.....it caused them to think that maybe the world found their humor funnier than the little world of this particular fb page did....and they began spreading their humor to more posts. By last night, more than one long time page member was screaming "YOU KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN!" Since the page is not mine to dictate but a community page, the majority ruled and I had to make one of my dreaded "behave yourself" post speeches. This is when I realized that although the generation gap was alive and well in our little midwest town on our little fb page, I also realized that our town was doing something very right.

My post did not deter the humor from these kids, but it also did not bring on disrespect either. When I saw this, I tried to keep my responses on the "mom humor" (you know, the kind of humor that makes these guys smile and roll their eyes at the mom trying to be funny) side of things. Then they started asking some really great questions that I actually hoped would make some of the long time, older members think. The questions were all basically, why can full grown adults get on this page and be negative, nasty and down right bullying to each other and that be acceptable (which it is not), but they can't come on there, be funny, maybe a little irreverent but still positive in nature without the town elders getting "butt hurt" (their words not mine.) Yeah.....why? 

Of course with all of my years of wisdom, I knew why. This page was for town business, it was on the serious side and these kids were trampling on the lawn and status quo of people who didn't want or like this kind of change. I felt these kids deserved an answer though and so I gave it to them explaining basically all the above and pointing out that had they kept their comments to just the one post and respected that not everyone was a fan of their humor, this would not have probably all been an issue. Understanding fully though that they were 1) pretty funny in their own way and 2) they needed their own page to express their views, their humor and maybe even vent a little about their uptight, older community members....I suggested they start their own page. Whether it was my suggestion or already thought of by someone else, they did just that. What was more impressive though, was how they handled my response to their questions. They actually kindly and respectfully thanked me for taking the time to respond to their questions and to explain things. Maybe it was something they hadn't already thought of or realized as to how their posts were affecting others or maybe it was just that one adult on there took the time to treat them as adults and answer some pretty great questions from them. Whatever the case, they were all respectful young people who earned my respect because they actually handled themselves with class.

What's more, I did happen to go peek at their new page and I was pleasantly surprised. Yes, they made a couple of comments about how uptight and "butt hurt" people on the other page could be, but there was no trashing or disrespect of those who complained about them and from what I could see, they were truly enjoying their new page. They also kept membership on the other page which I was happy to see. After all, these young people are the future of our community. At some point in time, the issues that affect our town will be important to them and they, like everyone else need a place to speak their mind, vent and have the opportunity to make a difference....and I really think they just might.

Yes, the generation gap is alive and well and as sure as the young people will  want to continue to change the world, those of us who know just how hard that is, will not make it easy for them. It is the constant in the universe that never seems to change. That being said though, after last night.....I think the gap is not nearly so wide. 

Summer Memories

The other day I read an article by a millennial who was remembering her summers growing up. I was pretty amazed at the stark differences in her childhood summer memories and my own. Granted, we were talking about a different generation but while her summers were made up of video game marathons, hanging out in the park smoking cigarettes and getting high (her words) and spending summer evenings at some grunge club in her city, I couldn't help but think how drastically different our two era's of growing up really were. It immediately got me to thinking about the differences and about what a great blog it would make. So here we go. Let the summer memories begin......

As a young child, summertime was the focal point of my world. Well....that and Christmas. But in the recesses of my cobwebbed brain, it seems that back in the late 60's and early 70's, summer didn't begin with Memorial Day. No....for us, summer began with field day. I am sure every school all over the country had a version of this, but ours was a day of in-school, outdoor fun. We wore shorts (we weren't allowed to wear shorts any other day of the year) and we got to eat a sack lunch among a day filled with foot races, jumping events, jump roping, climbing and sack races. And there wasn't one participation ribbon to be given. No....there were first, second and third place ribbons and you had to both compete and win to receive one. I still have a couple of those highly coveted third place baby's. After a long hot day of outdoor fun, field day always ended with tired, sweaty, smelly and most of all sunburned kids who were ready to go home and begin their summer.

As a young child, my summers were spent outdoors with neighborhood kids. We all had our neighborhoods and our neighborhood boundaries were as far as our mothers could yell. Summer days began with jumping out of bed, eating breakfast (which my mother never let me out of the house without eating) and then running outside. Usually the day before, the neighborhood kids would have decided where or whose house we would meet at the next morning and by 8 a.m., someones yard was full of bikes and kids. Most of the time we never went into peoples homes because that simply wasn't done. You played in the yard. If you got thirsty you drank from the hose and if you had to go to the bathroom, you ran or rode home and then came right back. From morning until noon we rode our bikes around the neighborhood, rounded up other kids and came up with a thousand and one different games to keep ourselves occupied. Sometimes the girls sat in the driveway and played Barbies while the boys spent hours racing their Hot Wheels down the incline. Other times we played tag, red rover or other equally exciting games. Then about noon, we could all start hearing our mothers yell out the door for us to come home for lunch. We each knew our mom's voice and we knew the minute we heard it that we had about two minutes to be home. We would race to our house, quickly swallow down lunch and then rush back out to our designated meeting place to begin the afternoon play.

Afternoons were usually spent in someones sprinkler or at a nearby school field playing kickball. If the day were particularly hot, you could often find a bunch of hot and tired kids sitting under the shade of someones tree, hanging out, talking and planning the next big adventure. As suppertime approached, it seemed like we all just instinctively knew it was time to head home. Supper was always about 5:30 and almost always eaten as a family at the kitchen table. After supper though, we all got our second wind and were back outside. Most of us knew we could play out until the street lights came on. That was our signal that it was time to call it a day. We would make our plans for the next day and head home to get cleaned up, drop exhausted into bed and prepare to do it all again tomorrow.

When I was about middle school age, we had moved to a small town and it was here that the aesthetic of my summertime life changed. Here we had a big yard and my mom decided to go back to her country roots and started having a huge garden every summer. Because of this, my summer mornings started early. With a garden and a big yard, there is always something to do and my mom made sure I did it. From planting to harvest I was always out there weeding, watering or doing something garden related. As the summer progressed, I got a lot of kitchen time too helping can everything from jams and jellies to pickles and tomatoes.

Summer wasn't all work though as one of the pleasures of small town life was to have a town pool that was within walking distance and though my mornings were filled with yard work, my afternoons were spent at the pool. Yes, from 7th grade through high school my summer afternoons were spent with Sun-In in my hair (yes, I did have orange hair all summer long), baby oil on my skin and having a blast with my friends. If I close my eyes I can still smell the chlorine, hear T-95 blasting from behind the snack bar and see the "nose coated" life guards with their dark tans and superior attitudes. Yes, in our world life guards were cool and they knew it.

Summer evenings were spent back out in the yard watering or just sitting out talking with the neighbors. We really weren't indoor people during the summer and our house usually showed it as our waking hours were almost always spent outdoors.

When high school and my early twenties hit though, summer took on a whole new meaning for me. Of course there was still the infernal garden, but I then got a job which excused me from some of that. I then replaced going to the pool everyday with going to a couple of local beaches (Crystal Lake and Meadow Lake). By this time I had learned to go easy on the Sun -In, but the baby oil was still a must have. When I wasn't working, my afternoons were either spent at a beach or hanging out at my best friends house who conveniently had a pool. It was at this time that I learned the fun of summer nights.

After a day of pool or beach lounging, my girl friends and I would clean up, doll up and hit the town. We found local bars such as Backstage and Pogo's and would spend our evenings dancing and drinking watered down beer (in KS you could drink beer at 18)....and we did. After we finished at the bar, then we headed down to Douglas Street. Douglas was a two mile stretch of street in the downtown area of Wichita. Every Friday and Saturday night, every kid and young adult from Wichita and the surrounding towns would congregate on Douglas and drag for hours. It was a place to show off your car and yourself and to meet lots and lots of people. I hear tell that many a couple started out on Douglas. (If you would like to know more about dragging Douglas.....I actually have an old blog about it. Check it out.)

As I got a little older, my summer days became consumed with having a "real" job, but I made sure my summer nights stayed fun. My friends and I turned our rock and roll bars into more of a country scene. We found our favorite country bars and hit them from time to time, but we had a new found love of the country boy and spent a lot of time on the tailgate of pick ups under the stars, drinking beer and hanging out. There were bon fires, dances and did I mention those country boys? 

Eventually I grew up and my childhood summers were but a memory. The theme of my childhood though was not sitting on the couch playing video games nor hanging out and getting high. My summer memories were of an innocence so far removed from today's world and culture that today's world would hardly recognize it. It was a time when parents could let their kids run the neighborhood. There were no cellphones in which to check up on them or to mirco manage their every move. We were taught rules and expectations and if not followed there were consequences. We also learned so much from those summers so long ago. We learned independence, responsibility and social skills. I had many many neighborhood adventures and most of all.....I had fun.

Yes, summertime still holds a special place in my heart and those memories of years gone by will forever be a part of me. I was blessed to be brought up in a world where it was not only safe, but also fun to be a kid.

Now..... let's bring on the summer and make some new memories. 

May the Best Be Yet to Come......

It is the official start of summer! Well, yesterday was anyway. I have spent many summers of my life in this house, but this summer is different. This summer I am no longer living in a house, I am living in a home. Mine and David's home.....and it truly makes all the difference in the world in how I look at this house, how I feel about this house and the time and effort I am putting into this house. I had no idea, especially since before this all happened I had always thought I considered this our home and that I took care of it as such. But now.....knowing that it is ours......well home truly has a new meaning for me.... and the way I view it and treat it are so so different.

I feel that there are many new things on the horizon in my life. I know these last few months have changed me drastically and I hope that it is for the good. The whole "if you can't be helpful then just be harmless" mantra keeps passing through my brain daily. All of my adult life I have been a person of action, but I am learning that sometimes action isn't always good. Sometimes my action or better yet...reaction to a situation, can be debilitating and enabling for others, thus causing the exact opposite affect I had hoped for with the action. I now truly understand the whole aspect of being "harmless". Sometimes the best way to help is to stand back, become very small and allow others to figure out their own lives, troubles and situations.

I never realized before now, just how egocentric it is to think that as an individual I can fix everyone else's problems thus depriving them of the life lessons they may need in order to become the people they are supposed to be. Again....a very humbling realization among a thousand other humbling realizations that I have been faced with of late. Granted, there are situations where in order to help someone you do have to go in, guns blazing and push until the situation either resolves itself or until it pushes back inciting a possible war. In many cases though, in fact in most cases, a much gentler approach of listening and letting others figure things out for themselves knowing that they are supported but still making the decisions and dealing with the ultimate consequences on their own is the best route. See....I am learning!

One of the things that I have had little time for over the last year or so has been what I truly love and that is....writing. I used to eat, sleep and breathe blogging and writing, but life has pushed it to the back burner and left me with little or no time and thus little or no outlet for my life. Well, I have decided to take back my life in several different ways and the first of those is to start blogging/writing again. In fact I have started with a writing challenge for myself. I plan on trying to spend the next 30 days blogging every day. I have no idea how this will work out but I do know that my writing skills need some therapy and exercise and what better way than 30 consecutive days of blogging?

I have learned that I have many new blog readers since February and so I hope that even though I am no longer fighting to save David's home, that you all will still come along for the blog ride and continue reading, commenting and sharing my blogs. Perhaps I can say the right thing at the right time to help someone or maybe entertain you a bit or maybe even give you a different perspective on something. Whatever the case, I hope you all hang in there in these next 30 days and tell me what you think.

So yeah, the lessons keep on coming which makes me very grateful for these last few months. I wouldn't be the me I am right now if not for all those good and bad moments that have made up 2018 so far.... and we are just now only half way through the year. May the best be yet to come.........

Home Sweet Home!

Perhaps this blog post should be entitled: You Just Can't Make this Sh!t Up or maybe Miracles Really Do Happen....or maybe....Be Careful Whom You Trust. Whatever the name though, the essence is that I have successfully lived through and closed one of the most trying, educational, frustrating and rewarding three and a half month chapters of my entire life.

I remember on December 31, 2017, that I made some promises to myself for the new year. The year 2017 was a pretty tough year for both myself and my immediate family and there is just something about New Years eve that makes you take stock, access and reaccess both your past and future and then plan to move forward on a better if not completely different path than the year before.

My main promises to myself were to leave 2017 and all it's drama in my rear view mirror, to work on being kinder, less judgmental and if not able to be helpful, then to be harmless in every situation possible. I also promised that I would focus on David and his upcoming spinal surgery that we had been told in October, would be happening in March. This was to be a scary and life changing event for us (scary for me and life changing for him) and I wanted to focus all of my attention on it and make it as positive as possible for him before, during and after. So as resolutions go, my list was not large, but the goals were lofty.

As 2018 took a hold, I was trudging along doing the life happens thing and just blending into the atmosphere of the new year until February 2nd. Little did I know....but this day was going to be one of the most life altering days of my life. It was this day that the phone rang and it was my dad asking me to come see him the following day. I remember my gut immediately tightening up as I hung up the phone. To this day though, I have no idea what made me so anxious. Was it his voice? Was there some underlying message that he conveyed and I picked up on? I really don't think so. I think that it was what I was always afraid of. I think because I knew he was getting older and that his health was not great, that I was going up there to be told that something was really and horribly wrong with his health.

I tried very hard not to focus on the next day that night, but I didn't sleep worth a darn. It remained in the back of my head that whatever I was going up there for, was 1) not going to be good news and 2) was going to be life changing for all of us. I had no idea how right I was.

When the eviction bomb was dropped that day, I was in total shock. I was a mess of emotions and as I stood there looking at my dad and my brothers faces, I remember feeling worse for them than I did for myself at that moment. There is nothing worse than seeing (perceived) pain on the faces of people you love. In hindsight, perhaps it was less pain and more discomfort that I was seeing.

I remember as I walked out of the building, my legs felt like jelly and I really wondered if I were going to make it to my car. It wasn't until I got to my car that I realized that I had been in almost a dead run through the building and out through the parking lot. As I sat in my car trying to absorb this information, David's face was all I could see. How was I going to let this child down? How could I allow him to lose his home and all he knew......and all of this with this huge surgery coming up? I was in panic mode and I immediately called two individuals who I thought might help. Did I expect anyone to really be able to loan me the kind of money I was needing at that moment? Of course not. The two people I called though, were both people I looked up to and who I guess I was asking for moral support as much as anything but no matter how I worded it, the end result was I need money....can you help? Of course they could not but both offered prayers which in hindsight was the most amazing thing they could have done. Those two phone calls were the start of one of the most humbling and humiliating few weeks of my life. I later apologized with my whole heart to both of these individuals for putting them on such a spot and for being so presumptuous as to even approach them on such a matter..... and although both have said they understand, I don't think I will ever get over doing that.

Once home, I was at a loss of what to do, so I do what I always do. I wrote. Well, actually I vented and not in a blog. I vented on Facebook of all places. I was out of ideas and I was really hoping that someone might suggest a place I could turn to that would help being that I was not in the best financial situation to be looking at purchasing my home on my own. I remember that just after I posted it and reread what I posted, I almost took the post down but I got distracted. A few minutes later I went back to remove it and by then, the post had taken on a life of it's own.

There is a lady in town whom up until all of this, I had never met face to face. I had talked to her numerous times as she has a young son with seizures and other issues and we had talked about our common issues with the dreaded seizures. On this day, this woman single handedly put into motion what ultimately would save David's home and give me new insight into my life and the world. She has no idea what an angel she is or how instrumental she was in the last few months of mine and David's lives. I owe her a debt which I can never repay. To be honest, I now owe a lot of debts I can never repay.

From February 3rd until now, life has been fast and furious. There has been the planning of fundraisers, the fundraisers themselves, surgery, recovery and let's not leave out the every day life that has been going on too. As I said, it has been hard, humiliating (the whole world had to know my life and my issues and I had to ask for help), exhausting and also rewarding, amazing and life changing. Because of this eviction threat, I met some wonderful people, I reconnected with others and I learned just how much David was loved in our community. I also learned that kindness, compassion and caring are not just pretty words, but a call to action. They should be a way of life and not just shown to those you deem worthy but also to those who don't always show the same. Mostly through all of this though, I have learned so much about the power of prayer.

In these last few months, my ask was not just for financial help, because for many, even $5 was more than they could spare. What I asked mostly for was prayer. I have seen in my life more than once how powerful prayer is and when you have a multitude going up for one purpose, well that is life altering. Make no mistake, we could never have made our goal without prayer and I am grateful for every prayer made for us. It got us through this ordeal physically and emotionally, it got David through surgery with an astoundingly amazing procedure, hospital stay and recovery and ultimately....it saved David's home. 

May 22nd at 9:00 a.m., I closed on our home. With that signature, I ensured that David would always have a home.....his home. He would get to keep what he knows, his dogs, his room and the place that has been the center of his world almost his entire life. I am so beyond grateful and each day I try to do something to pay forward the generosity of love, spirit, kindness and yes financial help that was given to us. It is something I will do everyday for the rest of my life.

Pulling off saving David's home was truly a miracle. Raising the kind of money we needed in such a short time was an impossible task and yet through the help of our community, many friends, family and complete strangers.....it happened. There are so many people that I want to thank. Many though have asked to remain anonymous, while others I simply don't know. So here is what I will say: If you prayed for us, gave us a good thought, donated an item for the auctions, bought an item at the auctions, helped to plan the fundraisers, donated for the fundraisers, helped out at the fundraisers, donated your time in anyway for the fundraisers, showed up and enjoyed yourself at the fundraisers, shared posts on facebook and/or donated financially......thank you! Please know that I have given those prayers back to you a million times over and that not even the smallest act of generosity that you have shown my family will go unappreciated. You all made this happen and as I said, I will never stop paying it forward in your names.

I think the most important lesson I have taken away from all of this is that as jaded and negative as our world seems to be at times, there is still so much good in it. People will still stand up for the underdog and fight for the kid in the wheelchair. Most people are truly good at heart. I have also learned that sometimes friends and strangers have a better grasp of the word "family" than true family ever does. Most of all though, I have learned that anger and frustration are emotions of negativity that cause more harm than good. I may never know what the true reasons were behind this eviction or why family would choose this method to handle things but at the end of the day, I can give what I didn't get and that is unconditional love, kindness and most importantly.....forgiveness.

And with all of this, a chapter closes and I can say....for many years to come, David and I are.... home sweet home!

Me Time

So here I sit. It is the first time in quite some time that I have had some "me" time. The house is quiet except for the tinkle of the wind chimes sounding in the breeze through the open windows. It is peaceful and has given me time to collect my thoughts enough to be able to sit down and write this blog.

Since last I blogged (a couple of weeks ago) we went from winter (temps in the 40's) to summer (temps in the 90's). To be fair, we did have about two days of spring (70 degree weather), but I think it is safe to say that "summer is upon us."

I have had lots of questions about David, so let me start there. I am having "me time" today because today was David's first day back at school since surgery. He is going half days to see where his stamina is, but last Monday at his post surgery doctors visit, Dr. Hollenbeck released him to start school this week.

David has once again proven to be a miracle. This surgery which everyone dreaded and in which the surgery and recovery time were very daunting on paper, has turned out to be much easier than any surgery he has had to date. What's more, his doctor and his PT are thrilled at the speed of his recovery and the unexpected progress he has made so far.

David was off pain meds before he even left the hospital and after a talk with the doctor while he was still in the hospital, my confidence in taking care of him was boosted 1000%. Of course there have been those moments where I have been on the verge of a mommy melt-down trying to figure out how to do something where he is concerned and being terrified that I was going to break him, but after a few slow deep breaths and a lot of prayer, the answer always comes and we move forward. So..... you can imagine how surreal it was for me to send him off to school today. This was not something that I thought would happen this school year. Once again....David took the ceiling that the doctors expected and shoved it completely out of the way, in order to reach his own heights.

Truthfully though, in the big scheme of things, he is still taking baby steps in his recovery and will not be given full okay to go back to as much of his pre-surgery life as possible until after June 4th when we see the doctor again. Still though, he is weight bearing, walking some and moving forward every day. Yes, I think this all qualifies as a miracle.

Now onto the situation I have been getting lots of questions about recently.....How are things with the house going? 

I know I have been rather quiet about it all of late and there are reasons for this. The biggest one of course has been that my focus has been on David, his recuperation and his rehab. That has been a 24 hour a day venture and I have had little time to think about anything else.

There has also been the issue that my lawyer has told me to keep $$ amounts quiet and every time the subject is brought up, there are those that want to know exact amounts, which I can't give. I really am sorry about this but I feel as if this situation has been a community effort and I really don't want it to seem as if I am holding anything back. In the end though....all will be revealed. ;)

And it seems likely that there will not be anymore fundraisers as there have been some others with great need come to the for front in our community and the focus is on them.....as it should be. Time, money and resources are going to these families and my attention has been put on helping them too in any small way I can.

Today though, I will fill you all in a bit on our current situation and where I am at personally with it all.

We are now 3.5 months in on this house situation and quite frankly, I am just as confused today as I was February 3, 2018. I have no definitive answers on what is really behind this situation. The only thing I know for sure is that if I don't raise $78,000 David and I lose this house and all we know. The good news is.....we are close. I have had faith since day one that it would happen, even before our first fundraiser..... and I haven't lost that faith for a second along the way. However, I have been hit with a lot of sadness during this time, and each time I learn something new that doesn't mesh with the original story told to me, that draws questions and makes me feel like there might be deception behind the reason for us losing our home. I hope I am wrong, but this nagging feeling is at times unbearable. I spend a lot of time praying that I can keep my focus where it needs to be and that I don't fall into the negative space of anger. Knowing the reality behind it all might make it easier to forgive and move forward, but if I have learned nothing else in this journey it is that even family is fallible and sometimes we simply have to forgive a situation even when we don't have all the answers.

That being said and forgiveness aside, I am wiser and unfortunately, those particular ties maybe irreparably damaged. I really would like to believe that they truly feel bad that David and I were left in this situation, but sadly, nothing I have seen or heard indicates that.

So enough with the negativity. The bottom line is that "it is what it is." I can do nothing but deal with the situation as I know it and move forward and that is what I am doing. Through it all though, I have learned so much about the people in my world, myself and the kindness and generosity of others. I have seen love, kindness, strength and a community of family, friends and strangers come together through prayer, action and financial help for my son and myself. It has been truly amazing. I have been humbled beyond belief and it has set my sights for the future in a whole new direction.

Today, in my quiet solitude....I have come to realize that more so than ever in my life, I am beginning to know myself. I am seeing new and amazing strength in both myself and in David and most of all, I am beyond grateful for the lessons I have been given these last few months and for the grace I have been given in order to get through it all. David and I are blessed beyond words and without a doubt I know......we will Save David's Home.

If you would like to know more about Save David's Home, here is the link to check out the facebook page and to read up on our reality. There is also a YouCaring page if you would like to donate.