So....I Went to Mass Today

So..... I went to Mass today. It was only my second time being in the church since the whole COVID-19 thing took over all our lives. The first time was was back in June, when it looked for a brief shining moment, like we might get back to something that looked like normal....but we didn't. 

No, I have not become a CINO (Catholic in name only). I have continued to hold onto my faith, pray like crazy and "attend" Mass on YouTube weekly, but currently, so much is going on in the world, that I decided I needed to head to God's home and the place where I feel His presence the most.

Now our town, though small, has many churches and my church, St. Michael the Archangel, has several hundred families that are practicing Catholics who attend. Those people are usually divided up in attendance in three different Masses each Saturday evening and Sunday morning. As happens with most things, people get comfortable with a certain Mass time and unless they have a scheduling conflict, that becomes the service they frequent. At any given service, the church is two thirds to completely full, with people arriving up to 30 minutes early to say the rosary before Mass begins.

Today, I decided to go at 11:00 a.m.  I was moving rather slow and so as I pulled up, it was about 10:45. My heart literally sank as I parked my car. There were only two other cars in the parking lot. I walked in and the church was all but empty with only three of us in the pews. I knelt down and almost cried. Is this where we were at? Have we become so fearful, that we can't even allow ourselves the sanctuary of God's house?  I prayed my rosary silently.

Within in the next fifteen minutes, more people trickled in and by the start of Mass, the church was less than about a third full (which 1/3rd full is the current recommended capacity for any public building). There was great sadness inside me as I sat there realizing how much the threat of this virus was taking from us and I couldn't help but wonder after this is all over, how many will have completely lost their faith, their way and some even their lives, due to the threat, the fear and the anxiety of COVID-19?

As I sat there, a warm comfort came over me. It is the same way I always feel stepping into this church. I feel a peace and closeness with God that I truly feel no place else. Every time I walk through those doors and into that church, I feel as if I am home. I had no idea how much I had missed not being there, or how much my heart, my soul and my mind needed to be there. Online Mass services may be allowed as a replacement for attending Mass during this "pandemic" according to the dioceses, but it is an empty experience compared to actually being there and being a part of the Mass in all of its beauty and soulful healing.

Suddenly, while praying, out of nowhere, I heard my mothers voice in my head. It was from a conversation that she and I had had many times in my life. She was a child of WWII. She knew that often faith and politics don't mix and thus, faith is discouraged if not destroyed as the rules of God do not always suit the rules of man and thus man tries to destroy the undestroyable....God. Often my mom cautioned me, that there could come a time in my life that "man" might try to force me to choose between God and the secular world. I might even be coerced into denying God to save my own life or that of those I love. She warned me that I must always choose God, for with God all things are possible and if death is the ultimate outcome (and lets face it, we are all going to die one way or another), then those that die choosing God have eternal life. It just all comes down to faith.

So then as I sat in the quiet with my rosary in my hand, it all began to make sense. Mom was not wrong. No, it wasn't some Hitlerish dictator standing over me demanding my allegiance to him and a subsequent denial of God and my faith, (as I am sure she often imagined), but it was still an attempt to force me to deny....or disregard my faith nonetheless.

Throughout the centuries, when things in the world became bad and nearly catastrophic, people of faith always found their way to church...the house of God. Here they knew that God was bigger than anything this secular world could dish out and they were protected by their faith and His grace. It was a faith that got people through famines, wars, deaths and even destruction of all that was around them. Faith in God and God's grace are a mighty armor and it can protect those that believe, from the worst fear to the gravest reality. If you have complete faith in God, then this world and the worst it has to offer are simply no match for the power of the Almighty. So by hiding in fear and not physically attending Mass, in a very real way, I was denying God and allowing fear to override my faith. In essence, I have been doing exactly what my mother warned me against. She was a very smart woman who knew what was coming, she just never could have imagine what form it would take.

The reality of today truly got me to thinking. While some have grabbed their faith and clung to it through all of this, many have found themselves worshiping at the feet of fear and with churches being deemed non-essential, people are losing their foundation in their faith and being drawn into chaos and the worst of secularism in our world. We are at one of the lowest points our country has seen in modern times with unprecedented issues and actions, from deception, to fear, to rioting, looting and murder in the streets. We are drowning in it all emotionally and many are succumbing to the devastation and negativity and losing emotional battles within themselves resulting in abuse, addiction and even death. The slippery slope that our churches closing put many on, is quickly turning into a landslide that people are losing their footing on and they are forgetting that all they need to do is reach up, grab hold and pray.

While I can't speak for others, their feelings or their faith, I can say that today brought me back to a place that I needed to be. I had allowed my sanctuary to be deemed non-essential, when in reality, it was the most essential part of my life. It is my place of peace, where in just moments I realized that no one but God is in control and in all of the chaos, He is allowing us to learn what is really important in this world. Perhaps we have to know fear, hate, unrest and abject sorrow before we are ready to appreciate our blessings, know that fear cannot walk side by side with faith, that hate never solved anything and that love is a powerful gift. Maybe God is allowing us to bleed a little before we can heal completely. I really don't know God's plan, but I do know that all I must do is ask and He is there. He holds me securely in His grace and never more so than when I am in His house.

None of us knows God's plan for us, nor the hour and design of our death. Those things, only God knows and I have no control over any of it. What I can control though, is how I choose to live my life going forward, and living in fear and robbing myself of my faith and that which is spiritually essential to me, is not living at all.  I need to refocus on the fact that God is bigger than any virus, any riot, any political party and anyone or anything in His creation.

Yes....a lot of lessons were learned today as I pulled myself back to a peaceful center. What a beautiful day to renew my faith and re-evaluate "essential."

So....I went to Mass today.

*As always, this is my blog and these are my thoughts, feelings and opinions. I in no way expect anyone to think, feel or express themselves as I do... just because I do. I do however, expect you to respect my right to have them just as I respect yours.

Black Lives Matter and Defunding the Police Part Two

If you happened to have read my blog post from the other day, then you read part one on this two part blog piece. Part One dealt with Black Lives Matter, a few facts and my thoughts and opinions on the topic. Today, I am going to talk about Defunding the Police and again my thoughts, opinions and a few facts thrown in. It is a huge topic right now and one that affects not just black lives, but the lives of all of us in every state, city, town and community across the country.

Again, these are my thoughts and opinions and you are under no obligation to agree. 

So....Defunding the Police (DTP). It is the cry of the Black Lives Matter (BLM) movement. Now in my previous post, Black Lives Matter and Defunding the Police Part One, I was clear on how I felt about the movement and it's hypocrisy and the reasons why. I feel no less strongly about the Defunding of the Police.

To begin with, I said something about defunding the police the other day on facebook, and a friend posted to me, this snipit from an article she found (I do not know the source) with the reasoning behind (DTP). Here it is:

Defunding the police is shorthand for a divest and invest model: divesting money from local and state police budgets and reinvesting it into communities, mental health services, and social service programs.
The idea is that American communities have come to rely on their more than 18,000 police agencies to do much more than police. They’re fighting terrorism abroad, performing homeless services, working with children in schools, responding to calls for mental health crises, performing social work and welfare checks, mediating domestic disputes, and responding to drug overdoses. Often, they’re not trained to perform these tasks. 
Those who call for police defunding say they would rather have some duties handled by nonviolent specialists trained in social work, education, or drug counseling.
As the police take on more work, their budgets have also grown substantially. The U.S. spends an estimated $100 billion on their police forces annually, with another $80 billion spent on incarceration. Policing typically accounts for one-third to 60% of American cities’ annual budgets. 
The New York Police Department, for example, has a $6 billion budget—that’s more than spending on homeless services, housing development and upkeep, youth and community services, health and hospitals, and parks and recreation combined.


Alright....it sounds reasonable to a point....on paper. Of course when you figure into that the NYPD also has 36,000 officers and 19,000 civilian employees in one of the highest crime rated cities in the country, not too mention a very high cost of living rate, and that those dollars cover much more than just salaries....they also cover equipment, pensions and classes just to name a few, it all makes a little more sense.

It doesn't matter where in the country you are at though, you have to also realize that you are talking about a group of men and women who every day put their lives on the line to protect and serve our communities with no guarantee that they will make it through a shift alive. The average salary for a cop across the country according to Indeed is $54,174. Broken down that is $4,514 per month, $1,128 per week and $28 per hour. Most cops make much less than that and a lot of less hazardous jobs pay a lot more. So yeah....$28/hr hardly seems like much considering what is ask of them in a day, and yet BLM (if we go by the above definition of defunding) wants to cut their salaries even further. Hmmmmm.

So, just what is a police officers job description? Each department, throughout the country has their own official description but all are pretty much the same, so I just pulled the description from Wikipedia. It seems to cover what we would expect, but let's delve a little deeper.

Police are first responders. In any situation, they are usually first on the scene to secure what could be a volatile situation. Over the years they have been the first ones on scenes like Jonesboro, Columbine, the Oklahoma City Bombing, 9/ll and the list of scenes go on and on. In many cases, even if it is a fire or emergency situation, fire fighters and EMS cannot and will not go into a situation unless police have first come in and secured it. It is for the safety of the firefighters and the EMS crews as well as all civilians involved.

Police also have training in but not limited to: emergency medical treatment, psychology, tactical combat training, search and rescue, domestic violence and abuse, community relations, crime scene investigations, hostage negotiations, crisis management and forensics. Their jobs can entail everything from stopping someone from killing themselves, to handling terrorists threats. They see the best in their communities and they see the very worst and in return, they are screamed at, spit on, called names and treated as though they are the enemy. And probably the most significant part of the job is not only that they have to be prepared to die each and every day, but they also have to be prepared to kill to protect others. Can you even imagine such a job? Yeah, that $28/hour sure doesn't look like that much when the realities of their jobs are focused on.

I have always supported law enforcement. Truthfully, I haven't always liked all the cops I have dealt with, but I have always respected the job they do and how hard I know it is. If I had their jobs and had to deal with what they do, I might not be real likable at times either. Never though, have I needed a cop that they didn't do their job to the fullest and give those involved the help they needed. I guess that is why the other night was concerning to me. We had a group of BLM protesters protesting in Wichita. It was a 3 or 4 night event. The first night they were all but rained out. The second night though, they were a bit more prepared for the weather. It was at this time that I realized that even in Wichita, the greatest number of protesters were not black, but white. Again....kids who have no idea about anyone's struggle, let alone a black persons, and they were not yelling "defund the police," they were yelling the new mantra, "abolish the police!" There is quite a difference in the two. They were also yelling...."Whose streets? Our streets!" Hmmmm. Of the 60-100 protesters, I would bet that maybe 20% paid taxes. Honey...those streets are MY streets. Not yours.

The moment that they yelled "abolish the police," they need to realize that this became something much more serious than they even know. This is no longer a BLM issue. This is now an issue that affects everyone of all colors, as those police protect and serve us all. I refuse to give that up to any group because quite frankly.....my life is just as important as yours. My life matters too!

So.....let's just play devils advocate for a moment. Let's just say we decided right here in Wichita to abolish the police. What might that look like? Well, first of all, we have seen that Millenials and Gen Zers have very little impulse control, nor do they have any understanding of true struggle, not to mention most seem pretty entitled, so no police means they will come in and take what they want, destroy what they want and demand more, with no one telling them what to do. Sounds like utopia...right?

Forget that you have worked hard all your life for something. Without police, there is no one to uphold the law and therefore no law means either you buy a gun and protect yourself and your property or you allow your property to be taken from you. You add into the fact that these particular age groups have absolutely no idea what a "peaceful protest" is, and they tend to involve themselves in a lot of drug activity (heroin, meth, pills, etc) and you are not just dealing with entitlement but also with the mental issues that go along with drug abuse, so there's that to contend with too. It's just getting better...right?

By abolishing the police, then you also lose your front line first responders. You know the ones who keep your boyfriend from beating you to death, or the ones that pull your child from the pool and resuscitate them back to life or the ones that make sure it is safe for EMS and fire fighters to do their jobs to help you. And when people inevitably start shooting each other in the streets because they are sick of no one doing anything....and trust me they will.....whose going to come when your family member or friend is lying in that street bleeding? Whose going to catch your rapist? Whose going to help you find your missing child? Oh right. No one! Because the police were abolished. So....how's that working out for everybody?

Now let's go back to defunding. The fact is that most police departments are underfunded as it is. They are expected to do everything from psycho-analyzing someone to make sure they are not a danger to themselves or someone else, to rushing in to stop a shoot out. Sometimes the training is lacking because the dollars aren't there and yet, you want to defund the pay and resources they do have....so mental health professionals can rush in and do what? Do you think a mental health professional is going to run in and save a family when they have been broken into and someone is holding a gun on them? Is a mental health professional going to go into a crime scene and find a killer? Is a mental health professional going to secure a situation so that EMS can do their jobs? Of course not. It makes no sense and yet this is part of the defunding plan? 

So what does make sense? Perhaps those who have climbed their way up the ladder to six figure or more paychecks within the police departments, do their jobs. Perhaps they take pay cuts themselves so that those serving on the streets can get all the proper training and pay they need and deserve. Perhaps it makes more sense to have universal police training that covers race relations and mental health services for the police to use both on the job and personally. It also makes sense for police to work in communities with mental health professionals to help each other in crisis situations. It makes sense for awareness to be brought about that there are bad cops and to weed out and prosecute those who abuse their jobs and their badges, sending a message to other officers and the communities they serve that abuses of power will not be allowed.

I am in no way saying that there are not issues within police departments. But for all the issues, the good they do on a whole is far greater than the bad. It makes far more sense to fix what is broken than to scrap it all and leave our cities unprotected and open to all forms of criminal activity.

To abolish the police or even defund a little bit will end up being a travesty to everyone. More lives will be lost and I have no doubt, those yelling the loudest for this to happen, will also be the ones who end up crying the loudest if it does. Reallocating dollars into more training and community relations is a far better idea, as well as finding solutions to unite communities with their police forces.

Let's get down to brass tacks though. Much of this goes back to taking responsibility for our actions. How many times have we been pulled over by an officer doing his job, when we were speeding and as we drive away, blaming him? Forget that we were the ones going 45 mph in a clearly marked 30 mph zone, but somehow it is the cops fault for seeing us,  stopping us and giving us a ticket. And of course, our bad attitude has nothing to do with any attitude he might show us....right?  Let's face it, we've all watched enough COPS to know that when someone black or white commits a crime, they are seldom anxious to admit the wrong doing or deal with the consequences of the actions. They will lie, fight and wrongfully accuse....even if it is all caught on camera. It's not all about bad cops. A good deal of it is about people wanting to get away with bad things and the police are in their way. With police upholding the law, there is consequences and we live in a world where no one wants those consequences.

So....let's deal in facts. George Floyd was a criminal. He should have been arrested and he should have had his day in court. He however, should not have died the way he did and the officers involved should be held accountable for their own criminal actions and be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. It's that simple. That does not however mean that because Floyd died at the hands of bad cops, that all cops are bad. The reality is that good cops far outweigh bad cops in every precinct around the country. An even greater reality is that at some point in our lives, the chances are pretty great that we will need a cop and I just pray that when that time comes....they are able to be there when we call.

These are MY streets and I support law enforcement. How about you?