It's Been A Year

On May 9, 2021, it was not just Mother's Day. For one of my closest friends and her family, it was also one of the hardest days of their lives. It was the one-year anniversary of the loss of their beautiful daughter Kylie. Those of you who follow my blogs may remember my blog about her last year. 

It was easy to write about her because she was larger than life and left a huge hole in the hearts of those who knew and loved her and even in the hearts of some who didn't have the honor of knowing her. When writing that blog piece at the time though, I had no idea all that would transpire in the year to come and all that I would learn. 

Kylie's mom and I have been friends for well over 40 years. In fact, I can't really remember a time when Thiry (her mom) and Kylie's Aunt Berty, weren't a part of my life. They have both been there through just about every high and low of my teen and adult life. It is a bond that is as close as sisterhood and because of this, watching what Thiry has had to go through this year has at best made me feel useless and helpless to help her and Kelly, and at worst, devastated me knowing that I had no earthly idea the depth of pain and sorrow that they were going through. All I could do was let them know I was there for them, and then let Thiry reach out as she was ready. She actually has at times and then at others, she pulls away and pulls within, trying desperately to make sense of a senseless situation. It's a God and time thing, and both are way above my pay grade. 

I will say though, that because of Kylie, I personally have changed and I can honestly say that there has not been one day in the last year that I haven't thought of this girl. 

Kylie's parents started a Remember Kylie page on Facebook right after she died, and throughout the year, there have been so many people share pictures, videos, and even stories of their memories of Kylie. The amazing thing is that there are a lot of people who joined the page who never knew Kylie, but through the posts and pictures, they felt like they did. She became almost as big a part of them as she was to those who did know and love her. Many is the time I have thought that Kylie was still working her magic as she was still touching lives, hearts, and souls even though she was no longer here. 

In October, Thiry and Kelly held a memorial for Kylie at the lake. It was a cool, crisp fall day that somehow to me felt like a Kylie day. There were so many people there and the memorial service was amazing. I couldn't help but look around and see just how many people's lives she was still touching in the moment. 

My two older sons both went and we also took my 7-year-old granddaughter. The whole service was just so wonderful that it made me very glad that this was little W's first experience with a funeral/memorial service. I left feeling that Kylie would more than approve. I also feel that Kylie was also working hard that day, as my older son, W's dad, who is usually very stoic was actually very moved by the service, something that doesn't often happen. And my other son ended up running into someone he had no idea had a Kylie connection and with whom he had a very contentious past. On that day, he ended up seeing the past a little differently and found some peace. It was a situation that I thought would never happen, but I have no doubt, Kylie put it into motion. 

As I said before, because of Kylie, I have changed. I now sport a beautiful sea turtle tattoo on my right wrist. I am convinced that Kylie and God had a hand in it. I got the tattoo back in June during the heat of the COVID lockdowns. I had no thoughts of getting a tattoo at the time, but one night I had some awful nightmares. While I can't remember what they were about, they woke me up suddenly, and as I woke up, my first and only thought was that I had to get a sea turtle tattoo on my right wrist. Specific...right? Yes, I knew Kylie loved sea turtles, but I myself,  had never given them much thought and I definitely had never thought of getting one tattooed on me, but for some reason, I could think of nothing else. 

I tried to fight the newfound need for the turtle tattoo, but the entire day, I became almost obsessed with the thought, so I tried to call a place. I was told that tattoo shops were not open because of COVID, and when they did open up again, there would likely be a months-long wait because of the backup. I was almost relieved because I wasn't sure I was ready for another tattoo, but apparently, Kylie would have none of it. As I opened Facebook, out of nowhere there was someone in my newsfeed that was in the next town that did tattoos. What??? I had never seen this person on Facebook before, but I had an uncontrollable urge to message her. Low and behold, she worked out of her home and had an opening the very next day. I sent her what I thought I wanted and in less than 24 hours, there I sat getting the most beautiful sea turtle I had ever seen before, tattooed on my right wrist, with Kylie's initials underneath. Best of all, I barely felt it. I can honestly say that I love the tattoo, not just because it is really beautiful, but also because I think Kylie had a hand in me getting it. 

Because of Kylie, I hold my own children much closer to my heart now. We can't possibly know God's plan for our life or our death, but I make sure that not a day goes by that I don't tell my kids how much I love them. Also because of Kylie, I do my best to go out of my way to be kind to others. I try to listen when others speak and to really hear what they have to say. I try to step out of my comfort zone at least once a week and see more of life than is just in my little piece of the world and I try to be my own genuine self and both celebrate and respect who I am. In my mind, these are all messages that Kylie sent the world, through who she was and how she was and I guess I feel that the best way to honor her now, is to honor who she was and how she lived her life. I think Kylie's genuine love and kindness for and towards her friends, family, and even complete strangers should be humanity goals for all of us. 

Through Thiry and because of Kylie, I have become much more in touch with my faith and I have opened myself up to the unimaginable wonders that might be beyond this earthly life. Of course, there are times that I can't help but wonder what might have been where Kylie is concerned. What might she have done and who might she have been as an adult? Then I remember that you can't dwell on the what-ifs. You can only focus on what is and I think in Kylie's case, what is, is still Kylie being Kylie and God has her hard at work, as she is still touching lives, bringing people to faith, and helping people to be the best versions of themselves they can be.

So Kylie, it has been a year. It has been a tough one for those who love you, but it has also been one of miracles and blessings that I have no doubt you have had a hand in. Give my mom and your grandma Ruth and Aunt Laura a hug for me and keep up the good work. You continue to make this world a better place by touching us, one person at a time. 

Until next time, hug those you love, be conscious of the blessings and miracles all around you and........never forget to say...... I love you!