I have this friend that I have known most of my life. In some ways, she and I are as different as day and night and in others, we are connected at the soul. Our lives have had many parallels from our early penchant for finding trouble, to finding ourselves pregnant within months of each other more than once, to suffering loss on a large scale. Maybe it's because of this that she and I can have long philosophical conversations and really listen to each other when others (even those who love us dearly) may find both us and the conversations on the quirky side or even downright crazy. It's okay though, because we both know what we know and believe what we believe, and neither of us is asking for anyone else's opinion or approval.
After having a lengthy conversation with her yesterday, the first in a long while, I kept thinking about our conversations over the years. As our lives have grown and changed, so has the content of what we talk about. When we were young, it was boys and parties and yes, a lot of mischief. Later it was spouses, kids, jobs, school, and all that these things entailed. Now, at this season of our lives, we still talk about our kids and now our grandkids, but we also talk about our losses and how they affect us. We talk about God, what is out there after we are gone, and all the things in the universe that we don't know and more importantly, don't understand and simply cannot wrap our heads around. These are conversations we have never had before because we had no reason to. We were young and invincible and so were our families.....until they weren't.
It is a simple fact that the longer you live, the more you will feel loss as those around you leave this earth. I myself have been losing people that affected my life since I was 12 years old and I simply don't have enough hands to count the losses on my fingers anymore. With those losses, it seems that some hit us differently than others. It is not a comparison in the depth of our love for them, but perhaps there are those that we simply are connected to differently. Maybe our souls are more intertwined with some than we realized, and their loss takes us to emotional places we never dreamed possible.
Both my friend and I have incurred some very painful loss in the last few years and hers has taken her on a journey of incomprehensible pain. It has also changed her and maybe even woken her up to how big and mysterious the world is. In trying to understand her loss, it has opened her up to thoughts, possibilities, and even beliefs that she had never really entertained in the past. From my vantage point, I have also seen that with loss, she grew closer to the one she lost and she has come to know that person (her child) far better than she even did in life. This in itself is painful and beautiful and it has brought her to a place where she now sees the world much differently. Thus fodder for many of our conversations over the last couple of years. Because of this, she has opened me up to realizations that I had never really thought of before.
Prior to her loss, my friend questioned or maybe simply didn't fully believe anything spiritual, and honestly, like the rest of us, she was too busy surviving in this world to really pay much attention to really experiencing it. Now though, she is acutely aware of all the things we humans tend to miss on a daily basis. There is such beauty we don't see because of the blinders we wear. There is also so much we fill our lives with that really means nothing in the big scheme of things. I think one day the most profound thing she said to me was, "Lisa, the only thing that matters in this world is love." Now as long as I have known this girl, she has never once before prophisized about love, and yet, I know she now believes this to her core.
Due to the mother who raised me and my upbringing, I have always had a firm foundation of God, faith, and my own spirituality though at times it may struggle a bit, it is usually fairly on point and has gotten me through more trenches than I would like to remember. Through the years I have told my friend my beliefs and where I stood and while she never discarded my beliefs, she also never saw things as I did. We were good with feeling differently, but it also sometimes limits the conversation when you know the conversation can only go so far and you seem more like a preacher than a friend. Now though, our conversations can actually be endless.
Together, we have discussed God, heaven, religion, spirituality, and all the things out there that we can't even fathom. Yesterday we even talked about extraterrestrials. We were talking about Area 51, the incident at the Florida Mall, and the possibilities that if these things could be real, what that might mean in the big scheme of things. She said she felt funny talking about this stuff to others as people look at you sideways and some even find it a slap in the face to God. It kind of shocked me as my mother's words came to mind. My mother had her own legit experiences with the ET world and she told me one time that we were pretty egotistical to believe that just because God created us and "our world" that there wasn't more out there that He also created. After all, He is God and perhaps this world is all He felt the need to share with us. Like any parent, maybe He didn't feel the need to make us privy to all His creations, only the ones that He felt necessary we know about....at least for the time being. Honestly, it made sense to me. After sharing it with my friend, it made sense to her too.
Other conversations we have had, have taken us into the sensitiy of children. Coming into this world with an open heart and spirit, I do think they can be sensitive to things that we as adults have shut out of our minds. Children don't know that they "shouldn't" see things, while as we grow older, the world tells us many things "aren't" possible, but aren't they? I've had my own "unexplained" experiences as a child that have stayed with me my entire life, and I have watched other children experience things that there is simply no explanation for. Again, this is not a disrespect of God, but the belief that God can do anything, and perhaps because children are so innocent and open, He allows them to experience things such as this to widen their views and with a purpose to mold who they will become.
We have also talked about reincarnation which I can't really get my head around, but it is definitely an interesting concept and conversation, as well as Heaven and hell and people who have died (for minutes) and come back and what their experiences were. We have shared podcasts about all these topics, as well as thoughts about the paranormal and even ghosts. Yes, death can bring on a lot of questions, and some very interesting conversations if you allow it.
Through all of these conversations, I have realized that time and circumstance have brought my friend and myself closer together. We talk about the weird stuff, the hard stuff, and the really painful stuff. She has also made me more aware of the world around me. I find myself picking my battles more carefully and realizing that most of the stuff we, as humans fight over, is just that.....stuff. In a week, month, year, etc, most of it will not matter and actually probably does not matter now. I also have found myself having such mixed views of others. While so much of what goes on in the world right now is sheer ridiculousness and people on a whole make me avoid humans at all costs, I do also try to view people through the lens of walking a mile in their shoes. I try not to make instant judgments on what I think of someone and I try harder to see deeper than just the surface. I am doing my best to make kindness my "go-to" even when I feel anger or anything but kindness. Most of all though, I am trying hard to cherish the moments I have with those I love in my own life. I try to appreciate the sound of a full house and my grandkid's laughter, the cold outside, even when it makes me aggressive, the sound of the rain, the time I get to share with my own kids, and the moments I have that are quiet so that I can listen and pray and maybe even hear beyond the regular hum of life.
Yes, this particular friend, as with all of my friends, has a special place in my world. She has reminded me that life is short and we have to open our eyes and see its beauty and take in all that is given to us. She has also brought home the fact that sometimes the worst has to happen to us for us to be able to see things we never would have otherwise seen. She has helped me let go of all the stuff that clutters my mind and heart and most of all, she reminded me of what matters most......love!
Until next time......
