Here's To Us

I was told the other day....by someone who has only known me for just a few years, that I had really changed. The person told me that I was in no way the person I was when they first met me. I was not sure whether this was a compliment or not....but in fact I knew this to be an accurate statement. I have changed so much in the last few years in fact,  that I hardly recognize myself and barely remember the person I used to be (which actually might be a good thing). Heck...I have even changed a lot in the last six months. I can't say that it is all for the good, but then again....I can say that I like myself more today than I ever have. 

Yesterday was my wedding anniversary and although I wasn't in the depths of grief....the knowledge that once again I would not be spending the rest of my life or growing old with my best friend was brought home to me like a hammer. I fought the tears most of the day....but I must confess I shed a few anyway. Then I remembered.....he (Tim) of all people would want me happy and in the big scheme of things I really am. The reason for this in great part, is due to my friends.

I would not be the person I am today without the people around me. Yes..of course I am not forgetting my family whom have been what makes my world go round and who have shaped and molded me for both the good and bad all these years. However...I could not have made it through all the low spots nor would I have enjoyed the high spots nearly as much.....had it not been for my friends. I realized of late just how blessed I am in the friend department. I have many and I found this out when David was about to have surgery. Those that stepped up to help out were amazing. I cried more tears of gratitude in the last few months than I think I have cried my whole life. 

If you have read my blog...you know that this time of year throws me into an emotional whirlwind and as happy as I have been this year, the emotions are still sparking high. This year amongst all the other emotions I have had the honor of watching David recoup, recover and rehab in amazing ways. In the last week he has shown me in no uncertain terms that he is on his way to walking....with a vengeance. Even more wonderful than that his seizure activity is completely controlled by his current meds. This hasn't happened in over three years. Living with a miracle takes a huge toll on your emotions. Trust me. Lucky for me....I have people who I can share his every triumph with and I have no doubt I am not the only one who has shed a tear or two watching my young man achieve. 


This week coming up is going to bring me close to friends that I have known for years but only a couple of times a year are we able to connect. For some of us...it is distance and for the rest of us....it is just time, schedules and life. It doesn't matter though because when we do get together....no time has passed and we always have fun. These people I have known before my children and my husband. For some reason God chose to give me these people early on in my life knowing that someday they would be as important to me as family and that I would love each and everyone of them unconditionally just as I know they love me. I can't wait to see these people and spend time with them knowing that no matter what we do or who else is around....we share a bond that no one can touch.

Are you wondering why the sappy emotional blog? Well, I heard a song today that reminded me that time goes by so quickly. For my friends and I, the last 30 years has raced by in the blink of an eye and before the next 30 years pass...I want those who are important to me to know just what they mean to my life. Without the friends I have I would never have made it out of my teens let alone to today. I would never have laughed to the point of crying or been able to find humor in the sad. I have called you in the middle of the night and had you race to the emergency room, you have taken care of my children, fed me when I was too tired to feed myself or my family. You have guided me with your wisdom, made me laugh at your antics, you have gotten me drunk, sobered me up and yelled at me when I needed it. You have traveled great distances to hold my hand and sat next to me in silence when no words were necessary. We have laughed, we have fought and we always find our way back to each other. Most importantly though....I know that if I needed any of you.....for any reason at all......each of you are only a text or a phone call away. And that folks is what makes my friends the greatest friends of all. Berty, Thiry, Chris, Allen, Marni, Phil, Kevin, Steve and Jim.....to all of you I dedicate this song. For the sake of decorum (I have very little) I will put the family friendly version on here. I will also give you the link to the heart felt version.

So my friends.....Here's To Us!

Heartfelt version. Here's To Us!

Venus Flytrap

What an interesting day I had! I know you may find this hard to believe but I tend to whine a little alot! So you see....I was whining the other day about my hair. It is long and don't get me wrong...I like it long, in fact I have worked hard to get it this long, but it is also hot and thick and heavy. I was saying that I needed to cut it (as in trim) and color it and financially I just don't have the money. I actually left out the money part but mentally that is what I was thinking. Anyway...out of no where a hair angel appeared (don't laugh...you know who you are!) The hair angel appeared with low and behold....MONEY and said "I want you to go get your hair done...BUT, there are conditions to me giving you this money." Darn! Always the conditions! Condition #1~I must not tell anyone who my hair angel is. This is doable. I can keep a secret. Well I CAN!!!! Condition #2~I had to go to this salon in Derby that my hair angel insisted I try out. No problemo! I mean it is free and although I am somewhat attached to my hair...if worse comes to worse it is just hair. It will always grow back. Right?! And finally....Condition #3~after my salon experience...good or bad...my hair angel asked that I write a blog about it. Hmmmm....good or bad???? I could definitely do that! So begins my hair story......

I was thinking that I would wait until next week after the kids were in school and I had some real time to get my hair done. As fate would have it though.....I woke up with REALLY bad hair today and decided that if possible....I would make the time right then and there. My hair angel had instructed me to try this salon in Derby. I had passed by it a million times and had even run into and had a conversation with one of the owners awhile back. Her name was Erica and she had intrigued me from the first moment I saw her. She was quite pretty in an edgy sort of way and very nice and personable. I saw she was carrying some info with her shop name on it and so I asked her if she worked there. Thus the conversation began and as I said....she was intriguing from her tattooed sleeve to the very way she spoke. I mentally made a note to someday just go into her salon and check it out. As life goes though....I never did.

Skip to today. You know....horrid hair day and all. So I look up the number for the salon and called......and low and behold I talked to a wonderful girl named Allie who said that she could indeed get me in within the hour. Yay me! The salon I am referring to is a little pink place in Derby right on the main drag (Baltimore). The salon is called Venus Flytrap. As I said...I have driven by this place a million times over the last year and always wanted to stop. At first I didn't even realize it was a salon. I thought it was just a funky little boutique with it's pink and black and visible animal prints in the window. I love places like this. As I walked in...I was not disappointed. You could imagine that before these girls took hold of the place that it was cement and drab, but with the magic of Nikki and Erica the owners....this little cement hole had been turned into fresh and fun. The decor is black, gold and pink with vintage or vintage looking pieces throughout. It houses a quaint little sitting area/boutique and then three hair dresser stations. The walls are an eclectic array of colorful pieces along with salon co-owner Nikki's artwork. Just sitting and looking around was half the fun.

On meeting the stylists Nikki and my stylist Allie...I was very impressed. Both were dressed casually yet fun (there goes that word again) and both had gorgeous hair which always impresses me. I love going into a salon where the stylist show not only their dedication to others hair....but also their own. Both also had gorgeous tattoo's which as anyone who knows me knows that I love tattoo's!

The salon is a busy little place with customers always coming in and out and the phone constantly ringing. In my book...that spells a good salon. Immediately Allie asked what I was wanting. Funny thing...I always think I know what I want on the way to the salon, but once there....I feel as if my tongue is in knots and I don't have the verbal skills to form a sentence. I think my part of the consultation went something like...."Hair cut! No! Trimmed. Color! Cover gray! All gray! Red throughout!" Apparently Allie understood incoherent idiot as she quickly got to work putting on the all-over color and then bleaching out the pieces which would later be red. While the color processed I sat and watched the line of customers coming in and out. I saw women of all ages and the cuts were wonderful. No one walked out with the standard set and style and no one over 60 walked out looking like they were wearing a helmet. I love seeing an older woman (yes....older than me) with fun (I know...that word again) spikey hair. I saw no one walk out dissatisfied. In fact what I saw were people who were very happy with not only the cut/color/style they walked out with....but you could also see the physical/mental lift the new do gave them.

Once the bleach had processed Allie gave me yet another consultation. You see...I had visions of BRIGHT red streaks in my hair. She had visions of a client who had not saturated her hair with box color over and over again. Neither one of our visions was correct. Allie explained that in order to take all the color out that I would need to and put in the color I wanted....my hair would have to process to the point of breaking off and falling out. Ummmm.....NO! She also explained that the condition of my hair was due to box hair color. Mental note....box color BAD! She also explained that the color I wanted would likely only hold its brilliance for a couple of days and then turn pink. Now I love pink....just not sure that is the color I wanted in my hair. She then showed me a color red that was actually red red. She said this would be a better choice with the condition of my hair and also as it faded I would stay a red and not fade to a pink. As much as I hate not controlling....I deferred to her expertise and we went with the red red. Boy was she right!

After the color had set and all was washed and ready to go....she then trimmed the dead ends, layered it up (something I had fought against for awhile) and framed my face. I loved it!!! The finale was when she not only gave me soft loose curls, but showed me how to do it myself.  Yes...I am almost 50 and still have issues with curling irons! The finished look was awesome. She then made me promise to return for color and NOT go near another box of color!!! Sigh....is there a 12 step program for this????

I also found out that Venus Flytrap is moving. They have found themselves to be just too much funky fun for this small building. As of Sept. 1st they will have relocated to just down the way from Riverside Cafe (another one of the places I have blogged about).

So I couldn't have asked for a better hair experience and bonus.....my hair angel took care of the cost for me. Of course I have upheld my end by abiding by the conditions....and I am pleased to say that I will return to Allie and Venus Flytrap again. And now that my work here is finished..... I think I will go admire my cute hair!

Venus Flytrap

It Was a Good Summer

Today has been a day of reflection. First of all it was a Monday....and Monday's seldom please me. As Monday's go though....it could have been much worse. All worked out (or at least I have hopes it will work out) for the best.

As I was hanging clothes out on the line after begging, pleading and losing my temper with several people on the phone....in the hopes of accomplishing my ability to finish up my Associates degree in the fall, it was as if a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I could feel the warmth of the sun hitting on me as I carefully and lovingly hung my clothes out to dry. Trust me though...it is the ritual of the hanging that causes the love and care...the clothes are just a vessel. At any rate I found myself thinking of and planning this blog and also thinking about the summer of 2012 which will be quickly coming to an end if not calendar wise, then school wise..... next week.

I couldn't help but think of all the summers that have started and ended in what seemed like the blink of an eye, with little to show for them except maybe some color to the skin and a growth spurt. As a kid the anticipation of summer was almost too much to bear only to have it swiftly gone in the midst of too many mornings allowed to sleep too late after too many nights of staying up too late. First it was playing outside until well after the street lights came on, then it was Dragging Douglas and river parties, then it was the lake and hanging out anywhere but our small town. When my own kids came along the summers went from going by quickly to having a warp speed that even Captain Kirk would be proud of......and again...little to show for the experience. Some summers have been filled with just plain day to day family life, some with grief and some with seizures and hospital visits. I can honestly say that more summers in my life have come and gone in the haze of break neck speed than I care to or even can remember. This summer though....it has been different.

My mother in law told me once that the earlier the locust start buzzing, the earlier the fall. I have watched and she seems to know what she is talking about. If that is truly the case then we should be going headlong into fall quite early this year as the locust hum has been a fixture around here since early June. Another sign are the leaves. With the 100+ degree days occurring almost daily and no visible precipitation the grass has become like straw and the leaves have dried, turned brown and are already carpeting the ground. Yep...fall appears to be just a cool breeze away.

While fall is typically my favorite time of year with the beauty of the seasons changing and the brisk, rejuvenating air along with the hustle and bustle of the new school year...this year, I am not quite ready to see summer leave. Although we went into summer fresh from David's surgery and not knowing what to expect from his recovery or how our life was going to be.....things just seemed to work in a way that brought my family closer together. Maybe it was the realization of how blessed we were for David to even be able to have the surgery and then the even greater blessing of him surviving it. Whatever the case...it put a different feel into this summer. And it wasn't just me....Z seemed to feel it too. While he did hang with friends quite a bit, I also saw him draw closer to family. He was the first one to suggest ideas in the yard and we planned our days instead of flying by the seat of our pants.......so that nothing would be missed. For me there was realization that in just a couple of years I would be preparing Z for college and his attention would be anywhere but home. Perhaps he felt that too and again....also knowing what wonderful things that were now possible in Davids life gave our family a light that had not flickered in a while.

We also had the blessing of my oldest coming back into our lives with real change in tow. He too had some life epiphanies that were starting to mold and change him and having the young man I used to know reappearing in our lives especially this summer made for joy I hadn't felt in years. As a family we were able to barbecue, swim and actually reacquaint ourselves with each other. It was truly many prayers answered and some answered that I wasn't even aware that I had asked for.

So this evening....I sat out on the porch and just listened. It was all the sounds of a small town in summer. The locust busily hummed to one another as the lightening bugs began to move and flash their tails around the yard. Couples passed by on their evening walks and down the street kids could be heard laughing as they ran and played under the street lights. There were smells from close by of barbecues preparing dinner and music coming from an open window. It was a summer evening at its finest and I was privileged to be there for the show.

Sitting there....I realized that I think I slowed summer down just a bit this year....or maybe I just paid closer attention. I made as many minutes as I could count and I spent a great deal of time counting my blessings. Most years as summer ends I am more than happy to say good bye to yard work, send the kids back to school and be rid of the constant heat, but not this year. This year I will miss the days in the yard working with Z and talking about the future. His hopes, his dreams and what lies ahead for us all. I will miss quiet moments hanging clothes on the line or sitting on the porch in the evening listening to all that summer has to offer. I will miss afternoons in the pool and pushing the mower around our endless back yard. I will miss bbq's and outdoor games and I will even miss the heat. I believe next week there might even be tears as I send my boys off to another year of school and watch each leave the house a little taller and each a little closer to the time when their school years will be behind them.

Yes....it was a good summer!

Chick-Fil-A. Hypocrites and a Youtube Video

Can I just say right here and right now how much I despise hypocrites? I do! We all have our moments I know, but darn....some have more than their share. I had really and truly intended to put this whole Chick-Fil-A thing to bed and leave my last words on it as my last words, but what I am seeing makes that just darn near impossible.

When I made my original post about Chick-Fil-A...it had more to do with free speech than it did with the issue at hand. The issue really should have been free speech but it turned into a big debate about my personal views on the issue of gay marriage. As someone succinctly put it...my views amount to very little as I would not jump parties to vote for one issue, so my view point and a quarter won't buy you a cup of coffee, nor do anything for the cause at election time.YES I vote!

The issue at hand was free speech and the lines you saw at Chick-Fil-A's all over the country yesterday....I believe were in support of just this. YES people....get used to it. This country is still a faith based country full of Christians who believe in God, His word and the bible. As much as that is a fact...there is also the fact that people are realizing that in the last four years our freedoms are slowly being taken away. Perhaps the belief is that if they are taken in small pieces we will never notice. The few are trying to control the many and in some cases it has been successful. Maybe people have been being pushed towards a breaking point and this was it. Maybe also, when Mr. Cathy spoke up and spoke out about his beliefs (as he had the right to do in this country) and their was such outrage (at least the media told us there was) that he had done so, the many decided that they were tired of being told expressing an opinion different than the opinion of the few was wrong.

Does anyone else see the hypocrisy of the left running a muck here? The left claim to be a people of tolerance and fairness....right up until the time someone disagrees with them. Then they become a people of great intolerance and an unfairness that borders on fascism. What brought this point home so fervently was a video I saw on facebook through youtube. First I will let you watch it and then I will EXPLODE my feelings with all the zeal my 1st Amendment rights allow!!!!

When I watched this video, it literally made me sick. Granted he has the right to free speech as well as Mr. Cathy did but he did not have the right to a) film someone without their consent and b) "try" (I say try because he couldn't have been more unsuccessful) to humiliate and degrade both her and Chick-Fil-A on video.

This young woman handled herself with grace and dignity as Mr. Smith hurled insults about Chick-Fil-A and this woman's job at her. She also told him she was not comfortable with him filming her and yet he continued. He also tried to make her ashamed of working at Chick-Fil-A. REALLY? In this economy anyone who has a job should consider themselves lucky and to try and shame her for doing said job and doing it well.....I would say this gentleman's tactics backfired on him and made him look like the pompous, intolerant as.....er individual that he truly is. If I were him rather than put this on youtube as triumph for whatever cause he thought he was supporting by acting in such a shameful way, he should have tucked tail, erased the tape and realized he only showed how intolerant and uncaring the left really are to those that don't jump on their bandwagon. Lets face it...Mr. Smith couldn't have been a better political tool for the right had he tried. Free speech for all.....except for those that disagree with me! Right?! Perhaps we should all thank Mr. Smith for his ability to show the left as they truly are and not as they try to sell themselves (you know....tolerant and all!)

The bottom line is...whether anyone agreed with Mr. Cathy's beliefs or not....he was entitled to them. In fact if he had wanted to get on the rooftop of Chick-Fil-A and scream his beliefs to anyone listening....he was also entitled to that. As a free country where free thought and speech should be valued above all things....we should have rallied behind Mr. Cathy and supported his ability to think and feel as he does. Instead...the media tried to make it a war and the current administration tried to use it as political tool for the upcoming election. If you were watching the news yesterday.....I think we are all aware of just how badly both the war and upcoming election ploy failed. In fact....if Chick-Fil-A was any indication of how this country is feeling....if I were the current administration....I would be afraid come November! VERY afraid! 

Scared Yet?

What a crazy last few days. I feel as if I am hungover without any of the fun of getting there. We made a break neck trip to St. Louis for Davids appt. (more about that later in David's blog) and then rushed back to finish our summer before it is too late. There are places to go, people to see, camp and the list goes on and on. It is a lot to cram into less than a month. Perhaps that is why I am just a big puddle of nothing right now. Make that a big puddle of nothing with a major headache!

Yesterday was really nice as the three boys and I sat and did nothing (that word keeps coming up alot) together all day. That was a first in many many years. We laughed, we talked and we listened to music. It was really fun and to be quite honest I did nothing (See! There it is again!) else. Well, I take that back. I did spend bits and pieces of the day reading emails and facebook messages regarding my last two blogs. Some good, some vehemently against my words, some sure I am currently hell bound and others in a tail spin of concern over my new found liberalism (trust me....I am hardly liberal!) Mixed in with all of this were questions....lots of questions, which got me to thinking that I haven't done a question and answer blog in a long time. So rather than give into the million things that need to be done around the house, the outside heat or my ever growing and all consuming headache....I decided today would be a question and answer blog. I have an email folder full of questions that get asked of me from time to time as well as a number of fb messages with questions...so I chose some from both medias along with a few from yesterday and viola! a blog! So get yourself a cold drink, a comfortable spot on the couch and sit back and prepare to be blown away by the amazingness that is who I am! Or maybe just prepare to kill a few minutes doing something other than what you are currently doing.

So begins the questions:
"Cmom do you vote conservatively? If so how is your stand on gay marriage going to effect your 2012 vote? Are you going to switch parties to support gay marriage? TL Wichita"
TL I do vote conservatively and will continue to do so. When I vote I vote on all the issues combined not just one or two. That being said most politicians who support gay marriage also support other issues that I do not agree with and will not vote for so I will vote for the candidate(s) that supports the major portion of issues that I look at and not just gay marriage.

"Why don't we see as many blogs from you as we used to? Amy" 
Well Amy, blogging is my down time enjoyment and I don't have a lot of that anymore. Also I go through sprees where I am just more prolific than others. I will always blog as long as I have readers and as long as it makes me happy...unfortunately though...it just might not be everyday.

"Just how old are you? Some of your blogs make you seem very young and naive while others make you seem more mature. If I had to guess I would say you are in your late 30's or early 40's. Am I close? Anonymous"
Dear Anonymous by young and naive are you trying nicely to say immature?  No the young ship sailed a long time ago and your age estimate is a decade or so off the mark. This year I will be celebrating the half century mark. I am still not sure how I feel about this so let me say thank you for reminding me of that which I am trying hard to forget! Just kidding. Sorta!

"In your blog (talking about my last one I think) you talk about things in the bible being lost in translation. You also in previous blogs have talked about questioning religion or maybe faith I don't remember exactly. I know you are Catholic and I am wondering if you are starting to pull away from the Catholic church or maybe religion in general? Missy from Grandview, TX"
The bad thing about blogging for the world to see is that they see all your thoughts on those down days. We all have them where we feel blue, out of sorts or not happy with the world around us and yes we ask questions. I simply do it from time to time in the public eye. To be clear...I do NOT question God or His word. The lost in translation I spoke of (and someone in yesterday's comments said it better than I) is the translation between what God said and what man wrote. I will always trust God over man. Also...I do not question my faith or my religion, I do sometimes though question the beliefs and attitudes of those who call themselves religious or faith filled. Questioning is how we learn and I will be the first to admit that I am not a theologian nor am I as educated even about my own faith as I should or could be. All this being said...I do LOVE my faith. I was born Catholic and will die Catholic and every day in between I will be a spiritual work in progress. Hope this answers your question(s).

"Do your friends and family read your blogs and what do they think of them? Have you ever lost family or friends because of them? Dale"
Good questions. I know I have friends that read my blog but I really don't know about many in my family. Most of my family know I blog but they might be afraid to read for fear they might be mentioned..."wink!" Honestly the only way I know who is reading my blog is if they comment or tell me in person, email, fb or message. Alot of the comments and messages I get are from people that read because they just ran across my blog or someone else referred them to it. I have actually made friends because of my blog. As far as what people think??? I have had fans and then I have had those who for whatever reason just hated my blog but still chose to read it. Go figure! Most of the time my feedback is positive but every once in awhile I step on peoples toes or like this weekend take an unpopular stand and I hear about it ten fold from both family and friends. It is all part of blogging, taking a stand and having very thick skin! As for your last question "have I ever lost family or friends because of them?" Guess we will just have to wait and see!

"Do you read other peoples blogs? SM NM"
I love to read blogs. I have a number of them bookmarked that when I have time I read. I also love just blog surfing to find new and different blogs. The problem is that I barely have time to write my own let alone read others, but just like anything else....the more blogs you read....the better blogger you become.

Final question:
"I notice you write about your son Z a great deal. Does he mind headlining your blogs? Sammie"
Sammie...are  you friends with Z? LOL Headlining? Hmmmm. Well let us just say that Z is quite accustomed to my writing and knowing that his words and actions could get him a full page spread in a blog. Come to think of it....it may actually be what helps to keep him in line during these teenage years! Seriously though...Z reads most of my blogs and he has never asked me not to write about him. If he did...I would definitely respect that. I think he knows that even I have my limits and certain things would never be discussed. So in answer to your question....no I don't think he minds at all.

Well there you have it! Another thoroughly thrilling foray into that which is my world, my life and my thoughts. Scared yet?

Same Day....Different Blog

Goodness! I don't normally do two blogs in one day and I don't think I have ever done two blogs on the same subject in one day. Today though....I felt the need. Apparently my first blog today ruffled many feathers on both sides of the issue of gay marriage. Funny because my original intention in writing the earlier blog was to focus on Chick-fil-A and whether an American company should be boycotted for a political or personal stance. Unfortunately my expressing my personal views on the subject of gay marriage as a sideline to the whole blog suddenly became the whole blog in peoples eyes. Not only have I gotten numerous comments on the blog but also my email and my fb messages have filled up too. Many are surprised at my stance and it appears that my personal thoughts have caused disappointment in more than a few. On the other hand...apparently some were pleasantly surprised that I wasn't leading the march to tar and feather others who lived and loved differently than myself. The really surprising thing is....the blog was actually about Chick-fil-A and although a few here and there have said that they will not be dining at the restaurant, most even on the side of gay marriage don't appear to be overly bothered by the Chick-fil-A announcement...... which leads me to believe that the hype of all of this is media stirred more than anything.

Not that I have to explain myself or my stance on gay marriage or anything for that matter....however, many of my comments and emails seemed to be centered on the question "why?" Why would I openly say I am not opposed to gay marriage? Most know that I am Catholic and yes the Catholic church does take a stand against gay marriage. A great sector of many Christian faiths in fact stand against it...and as has been pointed out to me over and over today....there are places in the Bible where homosexuality is called a sin. I understand this....but then there are many things that are called out in the Bible as soul killing sin that I am pretty sure some of the people pointing out scripture to me are they themselves guilty of. No not pointing fingers...just explaining my thought process.

For those of you wondering where my head is at and why? I will take this one and only time to explain...after that I will just refer all inquiries to this blog. As I said in the previous blog.....my thoughts on homosexuality and gay marriage have changed over the years. The reason is because from high school on I have known gays and lesbians....yes here in my small town. Whether we admit it or even knew it....we all have known them, gone to school with them and in some cases made their lives miserable with ridicule and teasing. In my young days it was the boy who was just a little too effeminate, hung a little too much with girls and was teased mercilessly by the boys; or it was the girl who preferred sports over dolls, jeans and t-shirts over dresses and heels and hung back from everyone because she just didn't fit with the boys or the girls. Back then we didn't really think of them as gay....they were just different and God help them they tried hard to fit in because even they couldn't reconcile who they really were and how they felt with what the rest of the world told them they should be.

As I grew older I worked with both gays and lesbians in several different jobs the one I worked with them most at was in the healthcare arena. By this time in life, most were coming out or fighting to come out. Being repressed for so many years caused many of them to shout their new found freedom with much overkill and a lot of "in your face" tactics, none of which do I think would have occurred had they not had to hide who they were for all those years. Talking to some of them who were openly willing to discuss their lives....I always heard the same story. They knew from a very young age...long before sex and romantic love was a factor in their lives that they were somehow different. The girls often talked of their mothers trying to buy them dolls and dresses all the while they wanted to play with cars and footballs. The boys constantly felt different in their own homes because when their dads and brothers wanted to watch sports, the boys were more interested in how mom put on make-up or what clothes they were wearing to school the next day. As kids they had no idea what was going on or why they were so different and back then even the thought of homosexuality was so taboo that parents never entertained the thought that their child might be. How frustrating and mentally difficult it must have been for all involved. Once the kids became teenagers and realized that their physical attractions were not the norm....they felt a certain amount of self loathing. It must somehow be their fault that they couldn't be "normal" and they could never dare tell anyone that if he was a boy he liked another boy or that a girl had a crush on another girl. So they faked it! They tried to fit in, some even tried to date the "normal" way...but it never quite worked and kids being fairly astute usually figured out that "this" kid wasn't quite right.

By the time these kids hit young adulthood most could no longer deny their attractions and the stronger the attraction....the worse the self loathing. One guy told me once that he felt as if he was trapped in hell. He said I am a Christian and I was taught that God said homosexuality was a sin and that if you were one you would go to hell. At the time though he felt that he was already living in hell denying everything about himself. He couldn't even tell his parents who he was or how he felt for fear he would disappoint and hurt them....so he suffered. He did eventually come out and sadly he lost relationships because of it....but he ultimately found himself. After hearing such stories over the years...(and mind you...you don't have to seek these stories out...they are everywhere. They are in every family and likely as not....you are currently acquainted with someone outside your family who is gay or lesbian whether you are aware of it or not) I began to realize that God created these individuals the way they were. No one would choose a life of misery, self loathing and the risk of losing family and friends they loved just to be "different." Especially not a high school kid whose main desire in life is  to fit in at least somewhere. I know some will disagree with me here (and several have today) telling me that God would not make someone a homosexual. I say....really? He creates blacks, whites, yellows, browns, weak, strong, gifted, mentally/physically challenged and even in some cases hermaphrodites.....so why would He not create homosexuals? Also the fact that many of the gay and lesbians that I met were in the medical field was also not lost on me. These abominations to God (their creator) working in service to other people. Hmmmmm. If that doesn't give you pause....then maybe it should.

Anyway....after many years of hearing stories such as these....my thoughts on just how horrible homosexuality was started changing. I started realizing that homosexuality was not a lifestyle choice....but simply a fact of some peoples lives. I came to the conclusion that their lives did not affect me or my life. My take on it became that I did not care what they did in the privacy of their own homes as long as I didn't have to hear about it and I would return the favor. I was of the mind that who was I to judge others when I was doing good to handle my own life and worry about my own sins. This thinking worked well until the topic of gay marriage became prevalent. 

When gay marriage became the topic on everyone's lips and one of the keystones of every political campaign, my first thought was: Marriage is between a man and a woman! Why? Because down through history.....marriage had always been between a man and a woman. And hadn't the Bible given us Leviticus for example, to tell us of the abomination of homosexuality?!  Then someone made this point one time.....a wise older man said to me that if I was basing my argument against gay marriage on history, then why didn't I own slaves and why wasn't I subservient to a man? It caught me off guard. As he put it....when the Bible was written it was "God's words" written by man. Much could get lost in translation and Biblical times were much different than modern times. It truly got me to thinking.

I do believe in the Bible. I see the Bible is as much a history lesson as I do a cornerstone for my faith. I also believe that parts of the Bible were written with Biblical times in mind. It is possible that some of God's words were lost in translation but the thoughts and themes were for that time and place. The only words we have of God's that we know were written with His hand alone are the Ten Commandments given to Moses. There is no doubt of their meaning and their words are timeless. The lessons they teach us are respect for God's day, respect for God as He is our only, to not lie, steal, kill, covet or commit adultery and to respect our parents. Nowhere do they say that love is a sin or there are only certain ways to love or only certain people can love....yet we seem to find homosexuality a greater sin than others? If we are going strictly by the Bible....then what about the fact that Matthew, Proverbs, Luke, Leviticus (I could go on) all cover scripture about adultery and divorce. All claim it as sin (it all falls under The Ten Commandments) and yet we seem to find little or no fault in this sin. We don't scream and name call when a marriage (even within our own family) breaks up over infidelity and ends in divorce...but somehow this is not as horrible as two people of the same sex falling in love and being faithful to that love and even wanting to make that love a legally binding commitment. We are okay with divorce being legal but not same sex marriage. Again...hmmmmm! If we are going strictly by the Bible then the Bible says if you divorce and remarry then you are by Biblical law in Biblical times committing adultery. Adultery is a sin and sin keeps us out of heaven and yet some of the very people condemning homosexuality and gay marriage are divorced and remarried or have family members who are divorced and remarried and yet the subject is never given a second thought.  I can't help but smell hypocrisy or at the very least....selective picking and choosing of what we choose to acknowledge as sin. 

My thoughts on gay marriage really changed after talking with parents of gay and lesbian children. All parents want happiness and true love for their children. Does this suddenly change because they find their child is gay? Should they suddenly want their children's lives to be lonely and full of lies and unhappiness because they can't love the way the parents wish they could? It made me understand that God loves us all. We are never more than a prayer away from Him and the greatest gift He gave us was love so how could allowing anyone to commit to such love be wrong?

Agree with me or not...maybe now you understand a little more about my way of thinking. I think all real love should be celebrated. If when I die God finds my thinking on this sinful, then maybe He will have mercy on my soul as my sin was not killing, stealing, lying, or choosing another god instead of Him. Rather my sin was erring on the side of love and treating other humans with the same respect that I myself would like to be treated with. The fact is there is only one perfect human and it is not for me to judge someone elses "sin" as greater than my own. I will leave the judgments to God. And don't expect me to be out with a rainbow sign or marching in a parade, but also don't expect me to condemn that which I question or judge that which is not my place to judge.

If my take on all of this disappoints you...I am sorry, but it is in this particular place that I find myself. Like my mother always told me....Never be afraid to question. Never be afraid to learn and never be afraid to take a stand! And so I have!

Chick-fil-A: To Eat or Not To Eat? That is the Question

 
If you look up the term: to take a stand, you generally come up with the definition of taking a firm stance or holding ones ground on a subject. It falls directly in line with the way I was brought up. My mother taught me from a very young age to take a stand. She believed that  whether it was God, country, family, friends, attitudes or actions....it was important to take a stance and stick with it. She also taught me that taking a stand on certain things might make me less than popular because popularity is usually built on anything but a firm stance. Popularity is usually built from a wishy washiness of trying to please everyone......which is simply impossible. You can't be firmly planted on both sides of an issue. You will ultimately have to choose and someone will undoubtedly find your choice or stance wrong or offensive simply because it doesn't agree with how they think. I guess that comes from our modern societal narcissism that our own personal thoughts are always right and even in a free society if someone disagrees with us....they must somehow be punished for having an attitude or belief other than our own.

If you have turned on the tv, read a paper, or looked at any form of social media in the last week...then I am sure you have an inkling of where this all is going. Yes...Chick-fil-A (for those of you who live under a rock or in the vast middle of nowhere with no fast food eateries....I am speaking of a chicken restaurant) had the audacity to take a stand on a highly charged subject....and stick with it, causing a frenzy of boycotting and name calling. Why? Because their stance was offensive to some. What subject could cause such a social upheaval? Why same sex marriage of course!!!!

Now before I proceed further....let me preface this with a few things. First of all...I have never stepped into a Chick-fil-A. I have heard they are quite good and Wichita just got a Chick-fil-A a few months back. Apparently it has been a madhouse of culinary delight since it opened and even now you have to wait when going through the drive through as cars wrap around the building. To me this says that there is a pretty yummy product being created and served at this chicken place and customers are going wild to get it. Again though...I am going strictly on what I have heard although maybe someday I will have the pleasure of trying it myself. That being said here is the second part of my preface. I was brought up at a time where homosexuality was looked on as a societal tabu and to "practice" it made the world see that person as strange, an outcast, a criminal in some places and even mentally deficient in others. It was not until I grew up and realized that given a choice...no one would choose to be that different in a world where being attracted to or loving someone of your own sex was seen as so deviant. It made me realize that these people were not deviant, criminal or mentally deficient at all. This was simply the way God (not their parents, not their environment nor even society) made them. It was not a choice and how horrible must their lives have been to constantly have to hide or be ashamed of who they were when they had no control over the situation. It was after realizing all of this that my feelings about homosexuality changed. Who was I to say that two consenting adults didn't have the right to love who they wanted? I don't believe God made love so that it could be expressed and received by only the few.

Even with my new found progressive thinking (only 40+ years in the making), I will admit that I have still ridden the fence on gay marriage. Why? I don't know! Perhaps old ideals die hard. It wasn't however until I talked to several people my age, also brought up with the same ideals, morality and basic beliefs that I was who are currently dealing with children who are either gay or lesbians that I finally got it. These kids certainly did not ask to be born this way and certainly their parents never wished such a difficult (even in this day and age) life on them and yet here it was. Do the parents of these kids turn their backs on them because they were made to be attracted to their own sex? Are these kids somehow bad people because who they love is different than whom society says they should love? Of course they aren't and their parents want for them what all parents want for their kids. They want a happy and full filling life for them and this may include marriage, a family and all the trimmings. By wanting this for their kids, does this mean that along with the gay and lesbian children that the parents should be ostracized and labeled deviant for wanting love and happiness for them? I really don't think so. So all of this brought me to here: I can honestly say that I openly support two consenting adults right to marry! I don't care what color their skin is, what religion they are or what their sexual orientation is. Love is love and I don't believe God put limits on whom we could/should love. Man did that. So that is my stand and I am quite comfortable sticking with it and in a country of free thought and free speech, while I don't expect or demand that anyone like my stance or agree with it....I do expect that you respect my right to feel that way.

Now back to the original reason for this blog. Recently Chick-fil-A came out firmly standing behind the fact that they believe marriage should be between a man and a woman only! Why they came out with this or what prompted the public statement I am not sure and since the media and social networking has gotten a hold of it....I am sure that by now the reasons why are a moot point. The only thing that anyone seems focused on is the statement itself. Since being made public....Chick-fil-A has found itself in the middle of a war where one side is now gorging itself on Chick-fil-A delicacies in support of their stance while the opposing side is demanding we all boycott the product and never darken a Chick-fil-A door again! To that I say: "Hmmmmm!" Perhaps we should back the truck up a bit.

I am trying to wrap my head around all of this and I certainly don't have all the answers, so please feel free to chime in with your respectful thoughts and opinions. Currently same sex marriage is a work in progress. It has been a tough fought battle and would not be where it is today if not for the fact that we live in a country where ALL voices can be heard and because differing views and voices are allowed....then changes can be made. Never will any one subject, issue, etc have a unanimous acceptance. There will always be someone with an opposing view and distinct reasons for believing differently. In a democracy you can't shut someone up or bully them into believing as you do just because you don't like what they have to say. For change to happen there must be education....and for education to happen...all sides must be heard. If you quiet one voice, thought, belief or perspective....then how long before someone steps in and quiets yours? To boycott a company because they took a stand that disagreed with a certain sect is the same as trying to bully them into shutting up and where is the democracy in that?  Am I right? Am I wrong? Truly...what does that gain anyone? Does that not further divide the gap between the opposing sides of the same sex marriage issue? Again...I don't know why Chick-fil-A spoke out on the subject, but I will say that I respect anyone.....even a  company who takes a stand that they feel morally they must...especially in light of the fact that it could hurt them or their business. While I do not agree with them, I feel they as an American company have every right to free speech and this statement was covered under that. And lets face it....if more companies where completely honest with where they stood and what charities, groups, etc that they supported and were affiliated with....each of us would have a list a mile long of companies whose ethics, ideals and beliefs personally disagreed with our belief system, morals or general ideals. Do we boycott them all? Maybe or maybe not?! So here are my questions: Should a company take a stand on a political or socially "personal" subject such as same sex marriage? If a company does take such a stand.....as Americans are we being Constitutionally fair by boycotting American companies for invoking their right to free speech or is it that same right that gives us the ability to take our business elsewhere and thus at least mentally silence those who do not agree with us?

Personally.....my lack of dining at Chick-fil-A has nothing to do with a boycott and everything to do with location and availability. Given the chance I just might have to try them out and see what all the hype is about. And if the day does come that I do eat there....it will not mean that I no longer support gay marriage. It will simply mean that I was really hungry!