The Dance

Funny. Since I wrote my blog about dreams a few days back....I have had basically dreamless nights, or at the very least....if I have dreamed, I was not aware. At least not until last night.

Last night before I went to bed, I enjoyed my resurrected pleasure of reading. Reading before bedtime though is almost as bad for me as tv before bed because with neither do I have the willpower to create boundaries. With both I seem bound to partake until the clock says well past midnight and my eyes refuse to stay open one more second. My current read is an autobiography about Marlo Thomas. Interesting read and although I am not a big fan of Thomas's.....I was of her dad Danny Thomas, and the book deals more with her dad and growing up in a house where at her dinner table, the likes of Sid Ceasar, Bob Hope, Jack Benny and George Burns could be found. It really is a good book from the perspective of a child who would rush through dates or outings with her friends just to run home and listen to her father and his friends shoot the bull and hone their comedic skills on each other. At any rate....my eyes were losing focus and the lines had turned into a blur when I finally put the bookmark in and called it a night.

It seemed that before my head hit the pillow I was already dreaming. Was I sitting around the Thomas table listening to long dead comediennes try to out wit each other? Was I trying to converse with Marlo and find out how a girl from a conservative Catholic family became a liberal feminist whose husband is now Phil Donahue and one of her closest friends is Gloria Steinem? Did I have the catchy song from Thomas's 1970's work Free to Be You and Me stuck in my head? No to all above. My dream in fact had nothing to do with my latest read. My dream in short though was....amazing.

I was in a spot light in an otherwise dark room. I knew that many eyes were on me, but I could see no one. I was aware that someone else stood by me.....but he was a nameless, faceless person to me. At least as I write this he was, but in my dream.....our connection was almost spiritual. Together we were doing something that awake....I could only dream of  doing. We were dancing! At moments we were one as our bodies touched and then released. I knew I was beautiful or at least I felt that way. I could not tell you exactly what I was wearing, but I knew it was flowing and with each step....the material would glide through the air and then settle and then glide again. My hair too was down, soft and as the air from my own movement caught it....would toss it gently backward and then forward. I instinctively knew that the silhouette I was creating was as mesmerizing to those watching as it felt to me.

With each step I knew my feet, my arms and my body were creating the perfect shapes and there was no fear of forgetting a step or doing something wrong.....for I was completely confident with every move. My partner would hold my hand, touch my waist and I could feel strength. There was total trust for me as if I had known him all my life. Everything was familiar and comfortable and I was in my element. There was no fear or doubt at what I was doing or even at the fact that hundreds of eyes were on me. There was just a feeling of freedom and pure joy....a feeling I had not felt in a very long time. Perhaps even years. 

The music though unrecognizable as I write this, was as much a part of the whole as was the dance. It seemed to change from time to time and each time I felt a new and recharged jolt of happiness as with each change.....the music felt like a favorite.  The music would grab my body and take over. It was a feeling of confident control and complete surrender all at the same time. As my feet moved in intricate patterns which I could only feel but not see....I had a surge of amazement go through me as I knew I was accomplishing a long desired dream. This was all a part of me, something I had held inside and had no idea I could actually do. It felt as if I had practiced each movement to perfection and that this moment was the reward.

With each new music swell....I could not so much hear, but feel a collective breath from those watching as the music and I were taking them on a journey full of fascinating twists and turns and unexpected highs and lows. They were breathing in time with my steps as each set of eyes pierced the spotlight waiting for the next turn....the next emotion.

I was smiling and feeling things I had not felt in years. No longer was I a person carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders and for this time...this moment.....the world made sense. It was as if everything I had ever done both good and bad in my life....had been a preparation for this moment. My past was fueling this time and this time was the prize for it all.

I sensed that there was judgement involved from all those peering eyes. Maybe looking for that inadvertent toe turn, not quite enough arm extension or a momentary loss of beat...but step by step I was winning them over. Second by second they went from judges to fans and I felt the power and the strength of my performance. I knew I would not fail and before all was said and done.....those watching would be as happy as I felt.

It was really strange as I knew there were others there. Many others in fact. There were those watching me as well as my partner....but I really couldn't see them. I just knew they were there. In fact...other than the spotlight.....warm, comfortable and exciting.....I really saw nothing. It was all feeling and emotion. Nothing was visually defined and yet I knew it was all there and all was as it should be.......and so.......I continued the dance. 

I can honestly say that I don't think I have ever felt such joy, peace and confidence in a dream. I also don't think that I have ever had such a detailed dream of emotion with such nondescript detail of physicality. It was almost as if it were one huge oxymoron. It seemed to be based on emotion far more than anything visual or even physical and yet the dream was nothing but constant physical motion.

When I finally awoke this morning...it wasn't with my usual jolt and it was far earlier than necessary. It was as if I emerged gently from the dream into reality with all the emotion of the night still in tact. My eyes slowly opened to an early morning sunrise and I seemed to feel the warmth and comfort.....just as I had with my spotlight. The joy I felt in my dream has yet to leave me and the detail of non-detail still fills me. I am feeling a renewal in myself and even a feeling of strength that I haven't felt for awhile. I don't want to lose this because even now as I write this....I know how special what I am feeling is.

If you have stayed with me thus far.....you may be scratching your head at this point and wondering just what all of this means. I know I have been wondering since I was consciously aware of the nights events. I am sure my dream whisperer friend will have a lot to say on this one and even I with no real belief in the meaning of dreams can see some pretty powerful metaphors on my life in this dream. Maybe it does mean something. Maybe last night in the few short hours of my dream life.....something powerful did happen. Maybe as I go through the day and analyze and reanalyze this dream (and we all know I will) I will find some important hidden or not so hidden meanings in this dream. OR and I think this is the most likely case scenario......I am just watching entirely too much Dancing with the Stars!

Whatever the case...right here....right now....in this moment, I am happy. The sun is out, it is spring and I feel like I can conquer just about anything. Who knows....maybe today.....I will dance!

A Medal, A Timeout and Lessons Learned

This morning I say....."Thank God for my blog!" Not only do I find this my own personal entertainment, but it is also therapy and today I need some good old fashioned, self prescribed therapy.

You know the old saying that to every action....there is a reaction? Sometimes we have no control over the action (if brought on by others), but we do have control over our reaction. Yesterday this whole concept was brought painfully home to me over a very innocent facebook (fb) message that I posted on my wall. The offending post said: "President Obama finally did something that I support and I gladly give him kudos for it. Today he honored the late Father Emil Kapaun with the Medal of Honor for his service in the Korean War. May God bless him for this long overdue act." To me...it was meant at face value. There was no hidden message nor hidden agenda and yet you would have thought that I had single handedly gone on the campaign trail for Obama and that my car was covered in pro Obama stickers. Even going back and rereading my post, I still don't see what riled not just one...but several of my friends. And no....I don't mean fb friends I mean friends on fb whom I actually know!

Perhaps a little history here is required. Father Emil Kapaun was a soldier in the Korean war. He saved lives and I am sure many souls during his time in the military and ultimately.....he was killed by the enemy for his faith as well as his American status. Many of his fellow soldiers attribute both their life and their faith to Father Kapaun and for years it is believed that he should have received the Medal of Honor for his service not only to God but to his country. The Korean war 60 years and how many presidents ago......both republican and democrat and yet Obama is the first president to honor this soldier in the way he deserved. Love Obama or hate him....the act deserved recognition in my book and I am sure Father Kapauns family also appreciated the recognition.

Now I ask the question...why did Obama choose this particular vet at this particular time to bestow this honor on? I am sure that many vets of past wars have deserved this same honor and have yet to receive it. So why Father Kapaun and again....why now? As was so eloquently said to me.....it had to be a ploy to work on the American people. Maybe. Maybe it was Obama's way of saying...."Look at me...I am not such a bad guy," but I have to ask....why does he suddenly care? You would have thought rather than waste good PR on an a Catholic priest who was a vet and had been dead over a half a century....that he might have put PR to better use on say Benghazi. I mean most people who are not Catholic....don't even know Father Kapaun so why this man? 

After being told on fb that Obama was a tyrant and basically being told that even this action meant nothing (which I shouldn't have been surprised to hear) I fired back as I always do. No harm...no foul. People are entitled to their own opinions as am I. Although my statement was in no way intended to be political.....it was obviously taken that way and because I was not bitch slapping Obama verbally but on the other hand ended my post with "May God bless him," I had suddenly become a full fledged Obama supporter....therefore my thoughts, opinions, posts and person deserved no respect. The real fun came behind the scenes in private fb messages where I received 6 messages within 10 minutes of my post and three of them let me know what a horrible person I was for daring to post anything remotely positive about Obama. One let me know what an idiot I was with every four letter word known to man and two others took me to task asking me what the hell had happened to me during my time away from fb. It was surreal and to be honest....completely unexpected. I guess I just expected more from people and certainly more from my friends. It was disappointing to say the least and quite honestly.....it made me angry. 

If you know me at all and if you have ever debated with me on politics, religion or any of the hot topics that most avoid, you know that I am not shy about my thoughts or opinions....but I am never disrespectful about other peoples thoughts or opinions either. It comes from a lesson long ago embedded in my head by my mother and a certain history teacher. The First Amendment is the right of every American to have their own thoughts and opinions and to voice them. I don't have to like or agree with what they have to say.....but I must defend..... with my life if necessary.....their right to say it. I also learned long ago that it is the differences of opinion that are crucial to growth and education. Our ability to learn and grow from one another stops the moment we try to silence those we don't agree with. There is not a one of us that is right all the time on all subjects and to think otherwise is both egotistical and counter productive to any cause. As my mother used to always say...."Be wary of always thinking you are right because no one is right 100% of the time and no one is wrong 100% of the time." Important words to remember when the need to be heard and to be right is the guiding force of your argument.

Maybe because of all of this....when I would argue a point, I never got angry even when others did. If I was reasonably sure I was right....then I simply produced facts to back up my argument and let them speak for themselves. Those that argue in fact find it hard to dispel facts therefore further argument becomes unnecessary. There will always be those that argue with nothing but raw emotion and opinion......and that is fine. That is their opinion and I will not belittle them for having one whether I feel they are wrong or not. This is why I don't get angry. To what end do you get mad at someone for voicing an opinion...right or wrong? To make someone feel stupid for their thoughts or beliefs solves nothing and certainly doesn't bring someone around to your way of thinking. It is times like these I usually respectfully pour on the facts and let things fall were they may. So if this is how I am, then why did I get angry last night? I really wasn't sure and because of this....I decided to take a breather from fb and do a little thinking. So I deactivated. At least for awhile....this would put an automatic cool down on the situation and give me time to decide how to proceed further.

After giving it some real thought....it occurred to me that for 75% of the people on fb, it is no longer the place where you go and relax, chat and socialize with friends. No...in the last few years it has become a much darker place. A jaded place if you will of negativity and constant gloom and doom. Admittedly I have been part of that dark place. During the election I posted with the best of them. Every time I turned on the computer and went to fb I immediately felt a heaviness and with every post that I or others made about what was going on around us.....I felt as if I was sinking into a very dark place. Now I am not saying that people were wrong. The news media does not do their job unbiasedly and because of this, people who really want to know what is going on in the world have to do their research and when this research brings about stories that have been looked over and even been hidden as much as possible from the public.....there is a duty to call the media on this behavior and to publicize what they refuse to. Sad...but social media and fb in particular are the best ways to achieve this. Still...it makes it so that fb has gone from being social to very political and for some....myself included....this makes an already stressful life, just that much more stressful. I do get it. As I said though....it has gotten so jaded that when someone posts something that isn't full on bashing someone....the opposite side begins to read things into the post that simply aren't there. Apparently they feel that it also gives them the right to berate and belittle those with a differing opinion, whether it was actually differing or not. THIS is what made me angry. People who know me (really know me) and know where I stand on things politically thought me so wishy washy and so easily swayed that in one innocent post they believed that I no longer had my convictions, morality or beliefs and that I was now no longer for them....so I must be against them. RIDICULOUS and it showed me how little people actually think of me. So...the question became....do I want to be apart of all this? Do I want to risk becoming someone who can turn on someone else with no provocation and without any facts? Obviously if it can happen to them....what is to say that it can't happen to me? Then I received some texts last night. Lots of texts in fact, but a couple from the worst offenders who fb messaged me. Both apologized and said that perhaps they had over reacted. One asked me to explain myself and I said NO! I posted nothing that needed explanation therefore...I felt no need to defend or explain my post. On further thought....my "friend" agreed. My heart went from angry to sad. Then I realized that I was getting way too emotional over all of this. I needed to toughen up my skin and stay or go, but whatever I do.....realize that there will always be those that speak out of turn, jump the gun or think they are right even when they aren't. It is simply life in the current world we live in.

Going back to Father Kapaun and yesterday's award. Again I ask.....why? Yes...there could be an ulterior motive...but then again, did anyone ever think that it might be a God thing? I'll tell you a little secret. Each night before I go to sleep....I pray for President Obama. I pray that God guides him and that God's will be done for him and for our country. I would bet I am not the only one who does this. Prayers are not in vain and maybe God used Obama to deliver this award to Father for a reason. Remember...nothing happens without purpose. Does this mean I support Obama? No! I still agree with little he has done but it doesn't mean that I think God can't change him even if it is with one small act which means little to the majority and a great deal to the few. My question is...why didn't Kennedy, Reagan, Ford, Carter, The Bush's or Clinton award Father this medal? Why Obama? Why this man at this time? We can only speculate and only God and Obama know the real answer. But it happened and I acknowledged the act! I would do it again.

I am going back to fb because although it didn't feel much like it yesterday....I do have friends there. Real friends. I also can't get on Pinterest without being logged into fb, so yes...that may play a part in my decision too. Finally....I don't run and I don't allow others to control who I am and what I say or do.....regardless of which side of the fence they stand on. That is why fb has an unfriend function and people have used it on me before and I am sure they will use it on me again and again. I would say my timeout was cathartic and of course it has all culminated into just another life lesson about the frailty of humans, the abundance of human error and most of all.....my ability to forgive.

This That and The Other

Well...today has been kind of crazy and kind of busy, but I have a short window of time to blog...so I took it. My mind is in a frenzy of thoughts (maybe because the sun is actually shining and I don't have to wear a parka in April), so who knows what I might have to say? I am just letting my mind lead and my fingers follow. I know! I know! It scares me too!

You all should be very proud of me. I have side stepped politics since I have been back on facebook. I have posted NOTHING political on my wall and have only commented on a couple of others who have posted something political. I actually enjoyed my political hiatus during Lent and am trying very hard not to get sucked back into it. Yes...I will still hold my ground when push comes to shove and I still scratch my head and wonder how otherwise intelligent people can have such "interesting" political views, but unless provoked....I am trying hard to concentrate on the big picture of life which actually has very little to do with politics. Prayer actually helps.

Spring (or the thoughts of spring) are starting to bring on that familiar old restlessness. I feel it myself and I am starting to see it in my kids. Even with David....I can tell he would much rather be anywhere or doing anything rather than going to school. We are fast approaching the end of the school year and the kids can all feel it. Z is on edge with all the end of year stuff and worrying himself into a nervous fit over the ACT's. Little I say helps because...well...I was NEVER a teenager, I NEVER took the ACT's and besides the fact that I have managed to live half a century, raise kids and go to college.....I know NOTHING! Yeah...it's spring!

I still find myself amazed at Pinterest. Don't tell my kids but Pinterest really has taught me that I don't know much. The things I learn on that site are so interesting and for the most part simple. I keep asking myself....."Why have I spent so much time spending money on stuff that I could make for pennies?" Now if I could just learn to be an extreme couponer....I would have it made.

My new favorite Pinterest find is cooking with Greek Yogurt. I have always loved yogurt but when Greek yogurt came out....I wasn't sure I liked it. After trying it several times though(the fruit kind), I was hooked. I prefer it to just about any other kind. Then on Pinterest I kept seeing "healthy" recipes that substituted plain Greek yogurt for sour cream. I was really skeptical as I am a sour cream lover. Finally though....I broke down and tried it. I have to say that I am sold. It gives the same rich flavor but it is much healthier. I really really like it. What is more....my finicky children who would not touch something if they knew I had substituted Greek yogurt....can't tell the difference. SCORE!!!! Pinterest what took you so long to come into my life.

I have continued fighting with the IRS on my tax return. So much for filing early. I keep hoping that my twice a week calls to their multiple numbers will wear them down to the point that they will send my refund for no other reason than to shut me up. You can imagine how unpleased I was yesterday when I was told that some people may not get their refund for up to 12 months. The IRS rep was really sorry she had said that after she said it. I unleashed!!!! Maybe next week instead of calling, I will just poke myself in the eye with a sharp stick. The results will be the same as the phone calls....painful!

Finally my final thoughts on some things you probably don't give a darn about....but will read anyway out of curiosity!

Jay-Z and Beyonce in Cuba......... I wasn't a fan before and I am really not a fan now.
Andy Dick on Dancing with the Stars.............. I never used to like Andy Dick but I have to say....the sober AD might just be winning me over.
American Idol.............. How do you ruin a long running talent competition? Make Nikki Minaj a judge.
Neck tattoo's..........I like them and may just be getting one.
George Straight on the Country Music Awards Sunday Night........I was really disappointed and thought he had lost his beautiful music voice. Z said he thought not. He thought what George was hearing in his earpiece was not what we were hearing therefore throwing him off. His second song with Garth was much better so I was relieved. Long live the King!
Garth Brooks on the Country Music Awards Sunday Night........I was so happy to see him back and yes...I cried at The Dance!

Well there you have it. A little of this, some of that and a whole lot of the other....and in just a few minutes to boot. Darn I'm good!

The Crying Game

Do you ever just plant your feet firmly and say...."What the hell is wrong with me?" I have been doing that a lot lately. It seems like I am just one big emotional ball of bleh! For lack of a better word. I seem to be tearing up or God forbid.....actually crying over everything. If you know me....I am not normally a crier, so all of these emotional water works are really starting to wear on me.

Yesterday Annette Funicello....the beautiful Disney Mouseketeer who will forever be a teenager in my eyes, passed away. It was sad and yes, it got to me....but not until I saw the picture of Mickey Mouse crying did the tears start to flow. THAT really got to me. I had tears running down my face and I was trying to figure out why. Of course this was not my first tearfest of the day. I had teared up earlier seeing the picture of Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher together. Yeah....I have no explanation.

Over the weekend I stupidly watched the original Steel Magnolia's. Darn that movie! I cried, I laughed and I cried some more. Okay....I am sure I am not the only one to ever get misty over this movie, but really!!!! This had to have been my 100th time seeing it. Surely there is a point where the movie has been seen so many times and the plot is so expected that tears no longer flow! Apparently not for me.

Now this one I am really embarrassed and at the same time scratching my head over. As most daytime soap opera's have gone the way of the Rolodex, polyester pant suits and perms...one has held on with a steely grip and I have held onto watching it....just as tightly. I think I knew the characters on General Hospital before I even knew my ABC's. My mom watched it from it's inception and I even remember watching it when it was only a half hour soap. I have watched Steve, Audry, Jessie, the Quartermains, Luke, Laura and the rest live through every love affair, break up, sub zero freeze, mysteries and all the mayhem this soap has dished out. My reward for all of this faithful viewing????? A 50th anniversary week full of familiar faces being brought back, culminations to long awaited story lines, more mystery and an old favorite brought back....The Nurses Ball. (You would have to watch it to know of what I speak.) Oh....and did I mention....tears?! Yeah....I have sniffled my way through several episodes of late. The kicker was Rick Springfield singing Jessie's Girl. (Did I ever tell you about the time he sweated on me???) But I digress...... And yes...I did tear up over Jessie's Girl. Again I wonder...."What the hell is wrong with me?"

After giving this some considerable thought and going through a couple of boxes of kleenex....a few possible reasons have popped into my head as to why my eyes seem to be in a constant state of puffiness and I am embarrassed to watch tv, listen to music or go on the internet in front of anyone for fear I will dissolve into tears. One possibility could be that I have not slept well in awhile and I am tired. Exhaustion can bring on heightened emotions....right?! Another could be that I have been stressed, but then again....I idol on stress and have never been a wishy washy mess before. Maybe the most realistic explanation for all the tears is because all the things that make me tear up are people and things of the past. Not just people and things though.....good people and good things. All of these catalyst for my tears that I have mentioned hold very good and happy memories for me. They are a piece of the past that is gone, already lived and now just lie in my memories. Maybe it is me coming to terms with the fact that I have finally lived long enough to appreciate the past. Oh....and maybe I am tired too! 

I shamefully spoke of this constant short circuiting of my tear glands to someone the other day and they held a different theory. They feel that perhaps because I am not a crier and because I have held in a lot of tears over the years....that my bucket is full to overflowing. Maybe my body just needs to cry and maybe my emotions just need a good tearfest to cleanse, rejuvenate and reset. Okay....I'll buy that. Anything beats the explanation that I am turning into someone who forever must watch tv alone for fear of embarrassing myself over a Hallmark commercial or a Golden Girls rerun. I was told that rather than to hide from the tears...to embrace them, for even tears have a purpose. Hopefully just like they came....soon they will be gone. Until then though......"Hi! My name is Lisa....and I am crier!"

Tis' The Season....Storm Season!

IT'S HERE!!!!! And I have to say....it doesn't suck! Well....it could actually make more of an entrance....but even though it hasn't been showy so far....it is still HERE! If you are from the Midwest especially from about Nebraska to Texas then you know what I am referring to. OR...maybe you don't. What I am talking about is.....storm season. I am crazy you say?! Well...perhaps, but if you have lived in this region for any amount of time....you know that come the end of March, your skin gets all tingly and your pulse increases every time you hear the words: thunderstorm, tornado, watch and warning. You simply can't help yourself. Now for transplants to this part of this world who are novices in cloud to ground lightening, torrential rain, thunder so loud it could wake the dead and yes......tornado's, this whole concept might actually be terrifying to you, but not to us who actually live for this time of year.

Growing up in Kansas....I have thus far lived through some of the most horrendous tornado's that Tornado Alley and Mother Nature can throw at us. I lived through Andover and also Haysville. I lived through the tornado that lifted my friend Chris's house off its foundation and left it scattered in fields for miles around and I have also lived through many not so notable storms that could have been just as damaging, but for the grace of God....weren't.

As a kid growing up in this part of the world, storm season although not without its obvious deadly danger is also a very exciting time of year. As early as mid March even at times with snow still on the ground and temperatures frigidly cold, the preparations for the season begin. School kids become familiar with tornado drills and advertisements on local tv stations start telling us about the locations for regular Storm Spotter meetings. Towns and cities begin weekly storm siren alerts to make sure all sirens are in working order. From oldest to youngest, you start to feel the excitement of the season. Then....as temperatures start to fluxuate and both the temps and the humidity begin to rise and the barometric pressure becomes unstable, you almost get an insatiable yearning for those first claps of thunder and those first flashes of electricity from the sky.

Again....I know to some....this sounds crazy and no....I am not down playing the deadly potential of such storms. As I said, I have first hand seen the aftermath of what these storms can conjure and leave in their wake. For all their intense beauty (and yes...they are beautiful) they can leave death and total destruction in the matter of just a few moments. Their power is incredible and before you know it....what once was can be gone within seconds.

So how can you feel such excitement, awe and yes fear all at the same time? I guess it is a Midwest thing. I have spent many springs just waiting for those storms. It is as if it builds up a tension inside you that is not released until you see the electricity lighting the sky and hear the constant roar of thunder. Around here many of us stay glued to our radio KFDI if you are in my area, tv radar or our weather radio's. And now....with newer technology....we have weather apps on our phone that keep us apprised of where the storms are and when they will hit. For those of us though, who have lived through more seasons than we would like to admit, no weather forecast is necessary to tell us when the air is ripe and the potential for storms and even tornado's is upon us. You can feel the sultry heat and stillness in the air. Everywhere you go....you will hear people say..."It sure feels like storms today!" And we are usually not wrong.

In my life I have stood and looked up to the sky and watched tornado's form right above me. I have watched the tails begin to spin and come slowly out of the clouds and then pull back up....doing this dance several times until either they pull back in the clouds and stay there or begin to form something much stronger than a tail which will eventually touch the ground and potentially cause untold damage. As a kid we had a sky light in our station wagon and one day after being out with my mom, the sirens went off. Mom drove like a crazy woman trying to make it home as the radio was reporting tornado's being spotted in the city (we lived in Wichita at the time.) I remember looking up above us through the skylight to see not one but two tails hanging from the clouds. You could see both twisting and spinning, dancing up and down. I screamed at the sight and Mom looked up and nearly wrecked the wagon. She floored it and got us home and to the basement just as it passed over our neighborhood. We could hear the loud roar that sounded like a hundred trains traveling through our house. Mom fully expected to go upstairs and find nothing but rubble. Much to our surprise the storm damage was exterior (roofs, fences, lawn furniture) but the houses had stayed in tact. Unfortunately....a few blocks over homes and buildings had not survived as well. It was a near miss, but I will never forget the excitement of that day and the adrenaline rush even as a seven or eight year old.

My mother....growing up on a farm in Oklahoma was no stranger to tornado's and having kids, they held a certain terrifying aspect that only a parent responsible for children can know. Each storm season we had a storm kit prepared (candles, matches, band aids, rosaries and holy water) and Mom kept an extra set of clothes, shoes and heavy coats in the basement just in case. Why heavy coats? Because many times after a tornado, the air is quite cold....at least for a little while. Especially if hail is involved. When sirens went off....we were rushed to the basement and placed "securely" under the pool table. Then Mom would leave us and go stand on the porch and watch the storm. For all her fear for our lives....the storm was just too big a draw for her not to watch. I just knew a tornado would hit and she would go flying away and we would be left alone....under the pool table. 

I think Mom was a bit of an adrenaline junky where storms were concerned too. However....she knew the need for protection and it is fairly easy to watch a storm approaching if you know you have a basement just feet away. She also knew that others were not so lucky, so wherever we lived that had a basement....Mom always had an open door policy. If the sirens went off.....our front door was unlocked and anyone was welcome to come in and use our basement. All the neighbors knew it and there were times when we lived in El Dorado that there was standing room only in our tiny dugout cellar. Mom didn't care though. She had at times lived without a basement or storm cellar and she knew all too well the fear of trying to find a safe place in a not so proverbial storm.

Yes...this time of year, storms can be deadly and no one around here forgets that, but they can also be exhilarating, breath taking, exciting and just the ticket to get us out of the winter blues that seemed to have over stayed their welcome this year. Sadly...this morning is just a bit too cool for a good storm, but who knows...if the sun came out and worked a little temperature magic, tonight might just be the storm I have been longing for.

In My Dreams

Almost a week and no blogs. How unlike me. The fact is....this last week was the longest, laziest week I have had in months. I have been exhausted. The reason? My dreams. No...honestly. I blame it on my extracurricular sleep life.

You know the dreams I am referring to. The ones where you never stop moving in them. You are running, dodging "something", trying to escape or simply free falling into a an abyss of....... Yeah! That is what I am talking about. Every single night this has been my fate. I close my eyes and the minute I drift off.....I am engaged in some sort of very dramatic and very athletic dream activity. Yes, of course I am still asleep....but obviously my brain has not shut off and when I do finally wake up.....it has been a good 5-6 hours of constant and in some cases nerve racking mental Olympics.......and I am beyond exhausted. Not only that.....but I spend the rest of my day trying to remember details and wonder what it all means.

To be honest....I have always been a dreamer or in some cases....a nightmarer! As a young child I remember having terrifying dreams where I would wake up with blankets and pillows over me, sweating profusely trying to hide from "something." As a teenager...my nightmares came to include my entire family as I would have what they call "night terrors" where I would wake myself (and everyone else in the house) up....screaming to the top of my lungs. Many is the night my poor mother would be awakened from a sound sleep with my blood curdling screams, break all land speed records to get to me.....only for me to have awakened myself and realized it was only a dream and to calmly say...."I am fine!" I am sure she wanted to kill me!

I have always been curious about dreams. They are sometimes beyond explanation as their effect can follow you through your waking hours too. I have had a dream where I was mad at my husband.....and poor guy started his day with a mad wife because I couldn't shake the dream. I have even developed crushes on guys because of random dreams I had. What is really amazing is the dreams you have where you know someone in your dream but you wake up and realize you have never laid eyes on that person. A friend of mine who is far more into dreams and their meanings than myself once told me that perhaps those people were not complete strangers. They may have been someone I had seen or run into but they didn't register in my brain at the time. Instead...my brain stuffed them away and reproduced them in a dream. Maybe. Who knows?

This friend as I said thinks far more about dreams than I do. She thinks that dreams are the part of our brain that awakens when the body and mind are at rest. This unlocks the parts of our brain that are seldom if ever used during our waking/conscious thinking hours. After all...we only use a minute portion of our brains so it does make sense that if we are shut down or relaxed that other parts might kick in...but then again...what do I know? She also believes that dreams can be telling. She thinks some can be a forewarning of future events. I don't really believe this....as often my dreams are retro active and take me back to times, places and people that I know without a doubt are not in my future.

I have had many a dream about my late husband and my mom. For several years after their deaths....they would tag team me in dreams. The dreams were always so sad for me because even in my dream....I would know that they were only visiting and before the dream was over....they would be gone. Sometimes it was torture going to sleep knowing that once again I would be with them only for a short time and that they would be gone. Often I would wake up sad and crying. Now though...they only enter my dreams on occasions and it is usually dreams of the past where they are there as I remember them. Especially Mom. She is young and feisty and being very much Mom.

I also wonder about the dreams that are nightmarish. It has been many years since I had night terrors but up until I was in my mid to late thirties...I would have the dreams where I was so scared of "something" that I couldn't scream. I would try and try to wake up to prove it was a dream or scream out in case it wasn't.....but I could do neither. The next morning my husband would ask what I was dreaming about as he said I would toss and turn and mumble in my sleep. I usually had no clue what the dream was about....I would just remember the fear. 

Now a days....my dreams are different. Often they are very colorful and as I said before....very athletic. Sometimes I am crawling across a rope that is tied across two very tall and very distant mountain tops. I hate heights and apparently going across this rope is my only chance at survival. Then there are the nights I am running. All night long I run. I have no idea where I am running to, what I am running from or why I am dreaming of running, but when I do wake up.....I am beyond thirsty. Weird! The only real nightmare I have had of late is the other night when vampires visited my dreams (damn those Vampire Diaries). I had my window open in my room (for real) and in my dream I wanted to get up and shut it because I knew vampires were going to get  in the window. I remember a moment of terror feeling as if they would get in before I could close it. Once I woke up though....I was far from scared. In fact...I was embarrassed at having such a juvenile dream.

So why do we dream? There are many ideas out there on the subject. One is medication....or in some cases the lack there of. Perhaps it is what we eat or our subconscious working overtime. Maybe it was the movie we watched that evening or maybe we suppress so much in our daily lives that at night those thoughts just overflow. And maybe.....some of us just have over active imaginations. Whatever the case....we all have them. Some of us are active dreamers and some of us are occasional dreamers. Some dream in black and white and some in technicolor. We can be in the present, the future or the past. We can share our dream space with strangers, friends, family, the living, the dead, the undead and monsters of every shape and size. Dreams can be happy, sad, disturbing, funny and in many cases....forgettable as we are only left with the feeling but not the actual dream when daylight comes. With all the dream studies out there....you would think we would actually know more about our sleeping thoughts.....but apparently we don't.

At any rate....it was an exhausting week. You would think that with all my running, climbing and rope hanging I did....I would have at least dropped a pound or two....but apparently dreams don't carry over to real life to that extent. Bummer.

What I Did for My Lenten Vacation

First of all...happy April Fools Day! That being said....I hate April Fools Day. Any day designed to make people act more stupidly than normal is not really a holiday in my book. I have enough real "surprises" in my life. I am not anxious to add any fake ones. Apparently....no one felt the need to consult me before this day was created....so I just live with the yearly fallout. Staying indoors, locking the doors and speaking to no one helps.

Have I ever mentioned how much I think alarms....SUCK???! They do. Especially on a Monday morning following a three day weekend. I believe my issue with them is that mentally....they are rigid and confining. On days when no alarm is necessary....I am wide awake between 5:30 and 6 a.m. with no problems. However....my alarm plays mind games with me and especially coming off a weekend.....I seem to wake up every hour on the hour anticipating that I have overslept, only to ultimately wake up startled and sleep deprived when the alarm actually does go off. I have to bribe myself out of bed....telling myself that once the kids are dressed, fed and off to school that I can go back to bed if I like. Yeah....I know I am lying to myself as once I am up.....I am up, but the delicious possibility that I "might" go back to bed is enough to get me up and going. The kids are dressed, fed and off to school.....and here I sit.....blogging. What a liar I am!

So Lent is over and I am back on facebook. Yes....I know I have blogged during Lent, but I haven't really done a good life catch up in a long time. Guess today is as good as any. So....in my absence from facebook....the first week was torture. Week two got a little better and by the end of week three.....other than missing my friends, I really didn't miss all the other stuff that went with fb. By week four I was only occasionally checking my fb messages and I was doing more texting and phone talking. By week five I had actually started sending emails again and week six I wrote a letter. First one in more years than I can remember. Not sure if my fb absence stunted or improved my social skills but at the very least it broadened my socializing outlets.

During my time away I also began to do more than just "pin" ideas on Pinterest. I actually read them and implemented them. I made my own laundry soap, organized my entire house and cooked some fabulous meals. I cleaned my house from top to bottom not once....but twice. I had gallbladder surgery (which did not turn out for me to be as easy as I had hoped) and Z and I finished watching the full series of Supernatural on Netflix. It was a busy six weeks.

One new thing that I have begun doing or in my case....trying to do....is scrapbooking. A few years ago....a friend of mine whom I worked with tried to show me a little bit about it. She was/is extremely crafty and she showed me the basics. I did a few things but when left to my own devices I was worthless. Still....the process fascinated me and my interest was further tweaked when I ran into one of David's old PT's at a frame shop and she was having a project she had done glassed in and framed. It was amazing and I wanted to do something like that. I finally got up the nerve to go into the scrapbooking place in the next town over. I needed to go in there anyway about another matter. Once there...I was mesmerized by all the color and fun things. Fun things I had no idea how to use. Luckily....the lady who owned the shop spent time talking to me and telling me about the different things. She also had "how to" packs with complete instructions and most everything you needed to do a page. I figured even I could do that. I am a visual person so if I see it....I can usually do it. It is verbal instructions with no pictures that give me fits. Silly me though....even after purchasing the pack....I was still intimidated. Finally....I mustered my nerve and spent an afternoon putting together my pages. Once done....I was pleased. Granted they are nothing like you see in magazines or online, but they did give me the hang of the whole thing and they gave me ideas for pages of my own. At the very least.....it gives me something to do with the literally thousands of pictures that I sorted through and organized in the last six weeks.

With all the activity....I also made some changes in my house. Things are now organized and much more efficient and I decided I needed to be also. That means more rest. My body survives normally on 4-5 hours of sleep at night and that is simply not enough. Part of the reason for this is because I use tv to go to sleep and if I get involved in a show....I fight sleep until it is over. I decided that the way to fix this.....was to remove the tv from my room. So I did! This is the first time in almost 20 years that I have not had a tv in my bedroom. I really thought I would miss it, but I have not. In fact....I have made a nice little scrapbooking place where my tv once sat and low and behold....I use the recliner in my room to......actually read a book instead of watch tv. I haven't read a book from cover to cover in a long time and since removing my tv....I have read two. I am also going to bed at a decent time and other than Monday's.....I feel much more rested.

I have to say that this year Lent was very good for me. I did a lot of soul searching both physically and spiritually. I made some necessary changes, implemented some new things and reacquainted myself with some old ones. God and I had some lengthy chats over my Sunday blog and the boys and I started doing some more family oriented things. I did a lot to fix any family cracks as time is moving fast and Z will be a senior next year along with David being a full fledged teenager. While I can't make time stand still....I can certainly do my best to make it count.

So there you have it. It was a long six weeks that sped by at the speed of light. It was a period of time that I actually accomplished things and a time when I felt closer to both God and family. I would say this year Lent helped me to make a better Lisaland in all ways. So yeah....this is what I did for my Lenten vacation!