Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Dating 101 or How to Find a Man in Lisaland.....Suggestions?!

Yes....this is me beating a dead horse. There are only two days left to vote in my blog poll in the right hand corner. Please vote and let me know what you like and what you don't. This lets me know if I need to change up topics or not. I am shooting for at least fifteen (15) voters if possible....more would be awesome. So if you haven't voted.....I would take it as a personal favor if you did.

Okay, so last week after I wrote my Dating 101 blog, I got a sweet email from a young couple from Louisiana. Apparently she (Dani) is a reader of my blog and she got her fiance (Dean) reading my dating blog too. Their email was to encourage me and update me on the finer points of dating since my obvious lack of skills is what is undoubtedly standing in my way. The first part of the email says:

Dear Cmom,
My fiance Dean and I love your blog and love that you are putting yourself back out there after all these years. (Wanted to growl at this point....but they are correct...it has been a whole lot of years. Grrrrrr...anyway!) Dean and I just got engaged after dating for forever and we plan on getting married next spring. (I later learn that forever was 6 months and they are respectively 24 and 25). We think that not only is it awesome that you are doing this whole dating thing but that you are letting us read it as you get back out there. But since we have had more current practice than you, we thought we would give you some dating advice. This probably won't make your blog, but even if it doesn't and you just use one or two of our suggestions, maybe this will help you find the man of your dreams like I found mine. (This was just too cute and too sweet not to use. And besides...they are the only ones who have sent me any advice.....even if they are a "little" younger than myself.)

The email goes on to say how they met (a party) and  how he proposed (at the fair on the ferris wheel) and also says that they are deliriously happy and she wants the whole world to be that way too. This is why they decided to reach out to me. So here are the things that Dani and Dean think I need to do to find a man in Lisaland.

First of all..... I have no game. What the heck is game? I am assuming it means I have no skills where dating is concerned. I thought we had already established that. Anyway....game is apparently a good thing and something I need to get. (If I can't buy it at the store...I am screwed).

 Now here are ten (10) suggestions they made for me to get back on the dating horse and get some game.

1) Have a friend have a party and have all of your other friends invite all the single guys they know. (And this might work....if I was 25. At my age.....most of the guys any of my friends know fit into one of three categories: married, divorced x number of times and has no intentions of anything more serious than sex, or gay).

2) Just go to a bar and sit at the bar and see how many guys approach you. (Sorry...but my self esteem is way too fragile for that).

3) Go to a public place and the first cute guy you see....give him your phone number. (Ummm...no! For more reasons than I have the time to write).

4) Join a club that interests you and you just might find Mr. Right. (I doubt I am going to find him at a crocheting club.....but you never know).

5) Go to a car show and hang around. Lots of cute guys at car shows. (Now this is actually a good idea except for one thing. I love car shows so there is every possibility that I would be more involved with the cars than the guys.)

6) Take a wood shop class. (Again....another decent idea except for the fact that I have always wanted to do this, so chances are that yet again I would be more involved with learning than meeting guys. Course.....you never know!)

7) Have a friend set you up on a blind date. (Ouch.....blind dates? That is waaaaaay out of my comfort zone).

8) Get on a dating site and take it seriously. (Oh you two. Have you not been reading my blog? I take as little as possible seriously. Especially dating sites).

9) Join a gym and start talking up the guys. (I belong to a gym and the time of day I usually go....very early morning....there are usually no guys there).

10) Join a widow/widowers support group. (I have actually thought of this, just don't know when I would fit that into my schedule).

All in all....the ideas were great and I thank you Dani and Dean for caring enough to give me your thoughts. And yes....you did make the blog.

So what do you all think? Are these valid ideas? After going back and rereading their ideas and my responses....I smell an amazing case of really cold feet on my end. Oh and....... I have no game. So here is where you my readers come in. Not am I only asking you to vote today....but I am asking for your comments and I hope to get a lot. What are your ideas for Lisa to find a man in Lisaland? What do you think I should do to get some game?  Do you like any of Dani and Deans ideas? If so elaborate. Oh and Annonymous. That's right....I'm calling you out. You always tell me what you think I do wrong. Tell me what you think I need to do to make my dating world right? I will be wating to hear from you all.

Happy Tuesday peeps. May this be an extraordinary day for us all!


Anonymous said...


Several of the suggestions are very good. Stop making excuses, make the time and take a chance on happiness.

Steve J.

J'nelle said...

Love the suggestion about the car shows. There are guys there of all ages as guys never grow out of loving toys. You can look at cars AND guys. It is sort of a two for one. I say head on on down to the nearest car show and start shopping!

DaninDean said...

I can't believe you actually put us in your blog. We are so loving this. I also love your comments on our suggestions. We don't think you are old at all and you need to get out there and find love!

Ben said...

Great suggestions. My only suggestion to you is be yourself and don't be afraid to show people who you are. You are smart, funny and very beautiful and you have a wonderful heart. Any guy would be lucky to get you but you have to let the world know you are here and available.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps instead of worrying about what you don't have (a man) you need to be paying attention to what you do have. You are very self absorbed and trying to take the rest of the world along for the ride. Any of those suggestions are a waste of time. You had a man. You don't anymore and you talk rudely about men and your children. I think you need to just grow old with a bunch of cats and call it good.

DaninDean said...

Anonymous, why would Cmom want to grow old like you. That has to be why you are so nasty. You don't get any. I think cmom deserves a lot better than that. Now go pet your cats and leave the rest of us alone.

Anonymous said...

WOW Anonymous! Just WOW! You give Cmom no end of negativity on here and even when she opens the floor to you to give some constructive suggestion you make such a ridiculous uncalled for statement. I never comment, I just read, but this called for comment. You are pretty sad Anon. While I am here, go for it cmom. Go to that car show, take that class, just get out there and find your man. At the very least, maybe you will make some new friends.

ChiTown, IL

LisaAnne said...

Once again Anonymous made me laugh. Secretly I think he wants to date you Lisa. He sounds like he is the bully from class who is mean to all the girls because he likes them!

Now on to the real business. Dani and Dean are right on the money.

You will meet no one being at home.

Who says it has to be a BAR? What about trying the singles group at a large church? I know how small your community is. You have a limited pool of potential candidates there in the big M.

In a singles group the focus is on your relationship with God and not on dating. However, it doesn't hurt to hang around with other single people who are in similar places in their lives.

Make sure you tell your friends that you are ready to start dating again. It is amazing how we may not have anyone in mind for you right now, but that can change in an instant.

What about looking for friends in a support group for other parents who have a child with special needs? Maybe you could make a good friend in a setting like that. Not necessarily a future mate, but maybe a friend who would be someone to do things with.

Above all be praying for God to bring the right man to you. There is probably a man out there praying the same prayer.

Get out there. Make time. Be deliberate. Then let God work it out.

Love you!

Marni said...

DANG....DANG....DANG!!! I knew that we should have gone to Old Settlers car show!!!!! Man we missed it huh?
CMom...there are some great suggestions in what Dani and Dean gave you. Maybe not the "sit at the bar" idea. BUT the car show, widow/widowers support group sounds like a great idea. If you want this bad enough you WILL find the time girl!!!
Im sure its really tough to put yourself back out there in the "meat Market" But sometimes you have to step out of that box and just go for it!!
And Anonymous....WOW! just Wow...even when ASKED for your constructive advice you choose to go with the negative. Youre hitting a bit close to home with your comments and I will stand by what I have said eariler....You personally know cmom and are just trying to hurt her where you know she WAS hurt. Be a man and grow some. If you are so sure that what you say is important....stop using "Anonymous". Stop hiding behind the name and embrace who you are!!!!

Anonymous said...

There's only two things that QUALIFIED men like better than cars. One of those is guns. Get a nice one (HK, Glock or Sig) and go to the range. The Bullet Stop is owned by Mulvane folks. To keep the gun away from the kids, see www.gunvault.com. Once a guy sees you have a serious piece of hardware, chances are he'll approach you over some chick with a piece-of-junk Taurus or a Jennings.
Now that Kansas is a Class 3 state, you can legally buy a silencer, which would INSTANTLY get you plenty of attention. The cute mom on aisle 5 with the Glock that sounds like a nailgun will be a dude magnet for sure! Oh, and take a class and sign up for a shooting league. It's like a bowling league but louder.
Good Hunting!
Savannah, GA

Cindy said...

Lisa has nothing to hide from. I too have sat back and laughed and have told Lisa she makes my day.:)
She loves her children no matter how it might sound, and maybe some of us should be just as strict. None of us knows how she really feels until you lose the one you thought was going to be there for a long time. Anon. you now scare me by saying a guy is really going to dig ya if you go to buy a gun ect. Some of the guys in there scare me how many wierdos own guns? Lisa, be yourself and you will be fine.

Anonymous said...

Dear Anonymous,

You're the classic "whities in a bunch, no spine momma's boy." I beat you even voted for Obama thinking he would pay your rent and give you a car.

Reality is everyone can have happiness. But happiness is not a given. You have to want it. You have to take a chance and work to find and make your own happiness.

You are a clueless twit who has no willingness to earn anything but misery.

Steve J.

Anonymous said...

I don't believe that I have ever called anyone a name on here. I have simply stated my opinion. The fact that no one can decided which sex I am amuses me greatly. I also am amused by the fact that because I don't agree with this blogger that my politics are also brought into question. What does one have to do with another? I also laugh when EVERY anonymous blogger is starting to be looked at suspiciously because "I" don't agree with this blogger. Why do you guys care whether she finds a man or not? To me it is not about the fact that she writes about dating or anything else for that matter. It is "how" she writes that doesn't set well with me. She is irreverent and mean spirited giving men a very bad name, and frankly, if I were her child, I would run away!

Cmom said...

Okay Anonymous...I have to admit you just cracked me up. I really don't care who you are or why you frequent my blog. I am just going to call you a fan, because no one besides a fan (or maybe a stalker) would have so much to say about what I write. Keep coming back....you are good food comments. And your last line about my kids....priceless! LMAO

Roy said...

Hey Lisa.

I think that some of the suggestions that they made were o.k. but the dating arena is much different for 20 yr. olds then it is for 40 yr olds. 6 mo. isn't a long time, Hell thats barely long enought to know someone. I'm not criticizing anyone, so no dander ruffling. We've been there. Done that. It is so much easier when past marriages, kids and significant losses aren't in the picture. I really hope that Dani and Dean are together forever.

When I think of someone having "game" I pretty much think of a player. The car shows idea was good, the widow/widower groups was an excellent suggetion as well as support groups for people with autistic children. It takes someone special to be able to care for children with disabibilites and finding someone that has gone and does go through the same trials that you do is going to be a big thing for you. Not everyone can handle it and it would be a shame to find someone that you like that can't. Even the gun range is a good idea however there are really nice and good guns out there that don't cost a fortune. I have a Witness made by American Arms that is just as good as an HK or Sig (and was confirmed by the owners of The Bullet stop) that was about half of the cost of these other brands.

I know that you are leary of blind dates but consider the source setting you up. If it is someone that you trust (not Marny though. She'd probably send Ashton Kutcher with him LOL) and they know the person then it's pretty safe. Talk to him on the phone first. Get comfortable that way. Then go out to lunch not dinner. Dinner is too long and if you don't hit it off them you are stuck for the evening. Lunch is an hour, hour and a half. Not near as much pressure. And if you hit it off THEN set a dinner date. When I started dating again I did the bar scene, etc. But I found that talking to someone on the phone first was SO much easier. You tend to be less nervous, more open and you can really get to know each other.

And for a little extra incentive. Julie and I met blindly. We were set up by her best friend. We talked on the phone and then met. We had the chance to talk to each oter for a couple of hours, met in person for a couple of hours then we made plans for the next night and I made her dinner. The rest is history.

know put on those thigh high spiked boots, grab that riding crop and off ya go.

Oh, and good luck.

Norm said...

See someone you like, smile at them. I'm pretty sure they will smile back. It's that spiritual principle about the measure you give. Point being if you give someone you're interested in some attention they are going to reciprocate. The glitch is you're going to have to be around a set of folks that might interest you for the principle to really work.

Thiry said...

well I go to work for one day and look what happens...I think you just need more confidence, you found your husband and of course then he passed away, which Anon is too stupid to figure out on their own from all your writing...and if you did it once you can do it again, yes you are older and so is half the world...I like the whole gun idea, I may do that myself...

Andee H. said...

Hey Girl~
Suggestions! Be yourself. Don't change for anyone. I finally am me! Yay!
As a 40 something now single mom of many things have sure changed for dating. LOL But sometimes you just have to be open to the unexpected. Sometimes when you least expect it God puts the perfect person in your path. So you have to be open to that.
And I love the suggestions on the car show, or support group, blind date from someone you trust, and even the gun group. I know my guy finds my desire to shoot with him as a huge turn on. I liked guns way before the guy came along. And I find shooting guns as an awesome stress reliever. Plus I know I can protect myself as a single mom.
Biggest thing is be open to the possibility and love who you are and then you will be ready to be loved by someone else.
Love you girl!
Andee H.

DeeDee said...

Cmom I love your blogs. They are the best. The only thing even close to them are the comments you get. I love your commentors (is that a word?) Some of them are hysterical, especially anonymous. Please don't ever quit blogging or my entertainment would be gone forever.


podunkboy said...

Whatever you do, don't date Anonymous (male or female), sounds like they've got some issues.
Blind dates are all bad, I met my wife that way, had a co-worker set me up with her cousin.
Maybe a "continuing education" class or Wichita Parks Dept. class to meet some interesting people. There's art classes, writing classes, Judo, wine-tasting, cooking.
Barring that, go to RD's, slip a roofie in a cowboy's beer and drag him home in your trunk. He'll LEARN to love you eventually.

podunkboy said...

whoopsie, Freudian slip, I meant to say "blind dates AREN'T all bad"...really, I love my blind-date wife....

Belinda said...

Dani and Dean do have some good suggestions Lisa. I am right there with you. How do I meet NICE guys? ... I tried going to car shows and thought wow this is the place to go. For some reason I kept meeting husbands who didnt take their wives with them and didnt wear wedding rings. lol Just my luck right..
As for going and sitting in a bar. Ive tried this also- I seem to have met guys for sure, but they were not nice. lol . Currently I am on singles sites and have met a few nice guys. What I have noticed is the guys want to actually meet you like in the first week and I like to chat for a couple of weeks and get a feel for their personalitly.So this scares them away and I guess maybe they think Im just playing games with them. Oh well, What do you do ?
Until I can come up with a better way to meet NICE guys I guess Ill stay single... Great Blog you have Lisa !