Man Things, the Weather and Cheesecake

Sometimes I think certain things.....only happen in my world. Now intellectually I know this is not true.....but when have you known me to be too intellectual about anything? Last night we ended up back in my favorite place.....the ER. It had been over 6 months since last we were there and I was really kind of proud of that record, but leave it to Z to go and break it. Yep....we went because of Z....not David. And I must say, between Z's double bout of mono and his never ending ear infection, he has given David a run for his money where the ER is concerned. At any rate...I had to leave work early and rush him back in. Z's trouble this time.....man issues, in the form of possible testicular torsion. It turned out NOT to be that but rather a secondary infection from the ear infection he had last week. And yes....down there. I guess you can get a secondary infection anywhere in your body. Who knew? Antibiotics and pain meds.....and we were on our way home. Thank God it was nothing more and REALLY thank God that he didn't end up having to have surgery.

Remember a few days ago when I adamantly proclaimed....."I don't need a man?" Well I realized yesterday when we were dealing with Z's pain....which actually started Sunday night (we just thought he had pulled something)....that maybe a man would be nice to have a round from time to time. I am sure Z would much rather have a man to go to with certain "intimate" details of his life...like pain down under....rather than have to discuss such things with Mom....who just happens to be a girl. It is times like this that you realize....no matter how you try, you can never be both mother and father to a child. Sometimes issues require one or the other.....but the two are not inner changeable. I do not have the biological make-up to know about that kind of pain, things getting twisted, or anything else about the male equipment.....and really the boys don't have anyone else to go to. So we get stuck in this awkward situation of he needs to tell me things.....I need to hear them....but neither of us knows what to do with the information from that point on. Sadly, because I really had no idea what was going on with him (I suspected he might either have pulled something lifting David.....or he had a possible hernia)  I told him to ask his PE teacher what a hernia looked and felt like (a testicular hernia). I figured being a PE teacher.....he surely had to have seen one a time or two and could give Z some point of reference and possibly something to compare his issue to. Luckily Z talked to the coaches at the high school about it and they took away any embarrassment and suggested he get it looked at sooner rather than later because if it was something severe....he could lose his reproductive ability. Thank you coaches for doing what I as a mother could not. So I am thinking.....maybe a man in my life might be more necessary than I think. At least from time to time.

Well now that I am sure Z is squirming with uncomfortableness over this blog (luckily he doesn't read the blog very often....lol) what shall I discuss next? How about the weather? We can now all look at our shoes uncomfortably (after those last two paragraphs) and move onto something subject changing and a whole lot less awkward. We are due for yet another weather change. I don't believe it is to be as drastic as last Friday (man it was cold that day), but it is suppose to be cool and rainy for a few days. I know this will make the farmers happy....and the fireman too as this will cut the fire threat immensely. And the last couple of days we haven't been dealing with the extreme wind....so that is also nice. I guess I just get a little tired of the warm/chilly roller coaster that seems to be keeping everyone sick lately. Of course....what do I have to complain about? A little cooler weather? Not really....especially when I hear that the upper midwest is going to be getting more SNOW! I guess I will take my low 60's and rain over that April snow any day of the week.

Well, I have gone from the embarrassing to the mundane.....I guess my work here is finished. Here is hoping that your Tuesday is so much better than Monday was....but not nearly as great as Wednesday hopes to be!

Your Photo Here.............(Day 27)

Cheesecake

I think I have mentioned on here....once or twice........or a bzillion times, that I make cheesecakes and this being the week of Easter....my baking skills are going wild. Cheesecake appears to be a holiday favorite and come tomorrow, my little oven will be doing over time.

The truth is, I so love making cheesecakes. It has become something that is relaxing to me and I love making something that I know someone else is going to truly enjoy. Now I didn't come out of the womb knowing how to make them. In fact, there was a time that if it wasn't microwavable....I simply couldn't (wouldn't) make it. My kitchen skills were less than zero.

After I met my husband (who was an excellent cook) we started catering and with our catering....he decided that I needed to learn to bake cheesecakes. It was a slow and tedious (not to mention expensive) process to try recipe after recipe and play with ingredients and oven temps and cooking times....but finally I came up with a recipe that everyone liked. Since that point in time I have added on flavors and sizes and come up with a nice little relaxing hobby.

I have been making cheesecakes well over 15 years, but only with my appearance on fb (in the last couple of years)  and the ability to promote myself through that site.....have my cheesecake requests taken off. Who knew that a girl who started out not even being able to boil water....would someday be making cheesecakes? Life is just kind of amazing sometimes!

Until we meet tomorrow.....have a great Tuesday!

Randomness

It is Monday and my mind set upon arriving at this day is neither happy nor unhappy....it is merely determined. For the Christian world it  is the beginning of Holy Week....a time of thought and reflection, abstinence (from meat), and sacrifice. It is a time when it would do a selfish world good to reflect upon the fact that Jesus gave up His own life so that we might all have eternal life. Believe me......this thought won't be far from my thoughts this week. It is a week tied to many miracles in my life and in my family....especially Good Friday. Yes....this will definitely be a week of reflection for me.

Today I am feeling extremely random.....so I thought I would just put forth some random thoughts this morning. So....this is me being randomly random....with a few random thoughts.

I haven't watched Extreme Home Make Over in a long time, but last nights was about the Carl Hall family. Carl is a bit of a hometown hero in the Wichita area, but his real story is the fact that he was in a horrible car accident causing his neck to be broken and paralysis from the shoulders down. His life in a matter of moments changed and a once strong, independent man became dependent up on others to do even the smallest things for himself. His home suddenly became inaccessible for him and even the rented condo they moved into with a better layout was not meeting his needs. So Ty Pennington and the EHMO crew came in and worked their magic. The resulting home gave Hall back his independence right down to being able to pitch baseballs to his young son, and it gave his family  a place to really be a family and focus on each other.....rather than their situation. The thing that touched me the most about this story was Hall's unflinching positive attitude throughout his ordeal. He placed no blame and spent no time asking "why me?" He simply accepted his situation and looked for the best in it......still hopeful that his current situation might not always remain this way. The whole story touched me deeply.....and yes....the tears flowed. It made me realize that my life is easy and I have absolutely no reason to complain about anything. If the Hall family can live through their ordeal and find nothing but positives in life.....then I am thinking the Elam family should easily be able to do the same.....because in the big scheme of things.....we have it good. To the Hall family.....thank you for sharing your story and may you get the miracle that I am sure is a constant request in your hearts.

Kiss and tell your husband, wife, son, daughter, mother and/or father that you love them before you leave today. It is a wonderful send off and who doesn't want to know they are loved throughout the day?

I think I will begin an overhaul today. Just where and how I am not sure....but stay tuned....it could get interesting.

Children are the greatest loves a parent can have. They can also be the greatest frustration and infuriation (apparently another new word I came up with) causing us to lose our minds on a regular basis. Coming from anyone else....we would never tolerate such indignation's....but from them, we simply accept and move on.

Tequila is bad!!!!!!

Cat people bag on dogs constantly. Somehow they find a persnickety attitude pleasing and even brag about their cats attitude. Me....I prefer personality over attitude....any day of the week.

To all those in the South who experienced the damaging and in some cases fatal storms over the weekend....my thoughts and prayers go out to you all.

I heard the other day that shoes are an extension of who a woman truly is. If that is the case....then I am truly cute, red and have great heel!

Parenthood is such a roller coaster ride. When they are very little....we can't wait for our kids to move forward....learn to walk, learn to talk and hit all the other growing milestones life has to offer. When they finally do learn..... sometimes we wish they hadn't learned so well. Then when they start getting older and needing us less....we want to hold on for dear life and keep them forever young. Finally the day comes when they leave home......we cry, we grieve but we ultimately move on. And THEN....they come back! This time they hold on to us for dear life.....as we push them back out the door kicking and screaming. It is at this point most parents realize.......that this ride isn't any fun anymore....and want off! Believe me....I'm there!

Your Photo Here.............(Day 26)

The Otts!

Have you ever had an old favorite....but you forgot it was a favorite until you came back to it? Stick with me here folks....I will explain! Years ago.....I used to eat Otts Fat Free Salad Dressing. Someone (have no idea who) had told me how great it was. I was skeptical because fat free anything (especially back then) was almost always..........nasty! Somehow though they got me to try it.....and I was hooked. For years Otts FF was my go to salad dressing. I loved it.

But then......I cheated! That's right....I stepped out one night with full fat Ranch....and that was the end of Otts. I guess he couldn't take the betrayal....or perhaps I just liked the deceptively delicious creamy flavor of Ranch. As in most torrid affairs though....Ranch done me wrong. Over the years he put some very unhealthy pounds on me. Granted....Ranch alone might not have been the culprit....he could have had help from his homies cheesecake and Hot Rod Burger.....but I am sure most of it was Ranch's fault.

So one day I was in the grocery store....and there sitting shyly on the shelf was my old love....Otts FF. At first it was a bit awkward between us. I started to reach for Ranch hoping that Otts wasn't watching. But he was...and I don't know whether it was his blue and red labeling or the way the fluorescent lighting caught his garlic and onion bits, but I knew at that moment.....Ranch and I were through. He had wrecked one too many weigh ins for me....and his creamy goodness was just no longer worth the points I had to give for him.

Gently I took Otts down from the shelf and caressed his blue cap in my hand. I had missed this dear fellow and I knew that this moment might be the start of something wonderful...for both of us. I couldn't wait to get him home and put him on my salad.

Since I am not one who pours and tells....I won't give you the sorted details. But let us just say....Otts ff and I are currently co-habitating and I am sure that this time.....Otts....is here to stay! And on that note....have a Happy Monday!

Tequila, Lemonade and Iris

 Let me just start this by saying....Tequila is NOT my friend! This is not news....and yet somehow  from time to time I seem to forget this fact. You know the song Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Of? Well Tequila has made my clothes fall off, made me fall down, made me run into things, made me start fights, made me drunk dial, made me say stupid stuff....and most of all....made me sick. So with all this history with Mr. Cuervo.....why would I think that giving Jose another chance was a good idea?

All that being said....last night was a lot of fun. I had a panic moment at work just before it was time to leave. I looked out the door and there was some kind of fluid running out from under my van. Great! I just knew this wasn't going to be good. So I called a friend who came to check it out. Everything looked fine under the hood, so he decided to get down underneath the van itself.....and low and behold....we found the culprit. Someone had thrown an entire 44oz drink under my car causing it to gush out everywhere. Whew! Thank goodness it was nothing else.

After wards I headed home  and then was picked up by Thiry and Berty. We went to the Mulvane Prom Walk-In before we went to RD's. I had never been to walk-in before and it was pretty awesome. The prom kids get to walk-in couple by couple as the vehicle they arrived in is valet parked for them. Berty's daughter Lindsay, who also happens to be Davids babysitter....is a senior this year and this was her final prom. We went to watch her, but it was great fun to see the other kids come in. I personally thought the only thing missing was music. Anyone out there reading my blog with any high school authority.....please consider music for the future walk-ins. That would be truly awesome! Lindsay looked stunning and Thiry and I mused over the fact that in two years we will each have a child doing the walk-in. Although we reside in different towns....hopefully the proms will fall on separate weekends so we can attend each others kids. The only dampering of the evening was that the warm day turned quickly into a chilly evening and what was appropriate dress early on, soon became way inappropriate as we all stood there and froze. By the time the walk in was over....Berty was chilled to the bone and decided to call it a night. Thiry and I though....being the ever valiant  troopers.....headed on to RD's!

The night was a lot of fun....and as I said before.....a much needed break. Thiry always makes a night out memorable, and there was also two girls from Thiry's OTA class and then Chris and her husband Allen and Allen's  brother. Big Fat Fun played their hearts out as usual and it was so much fun seeing crazy Mulvane people I hadn't seen in awhile. I found a new favorite drink...Mike's Hard Cranberry Lemonade ! It was so yummy and I was so happy drinking it. Not often do I find alcohol that just makes me happy......but this stuff certainly did. And I was still happy when I did the Butter Shots (butterscotch schnapps). I avoided the jaggerbombs being hoisted at the end of the table...even though a certain someone was taunting me with them. Yeah....you know who you are! But the feel good feeling ended when I broke my own rule and...........you guessed it, did a shot of tequila.

Now as I said before....Mr. Cuervo and I go back a long way and have a rather sorted history....much of it of course....I don't remember. What I do remember though are horrid hangovers and extreme illness due to way too much of the JC. Let's not forget embarrassing behavior and forgotten moments that I am sure are better left that way. I also carry a scar from the liquid gold after walking out of a bar and tripping into a metal pole one night. It has been well over a decade since last JC and I met and I am thinking that was not near enough time for us to be parted. Last night though....briefly Jose and I reunited for one last shot. Immediately I knew what a bad idea it was. The taste, the smell and the burn going down brought back way too many unpleasant memories. Within minutes after drinking it, my head began to pound. I went for the water and began to guzzle hoping that would help. Gradually it became worse. I tried to ignore it as I went out to dance but after several dances I knew the only place I needed to be.....was home. And home I went.

As my head hit the pillow I sincerely feared what the night and the following day would have in store for me after my little unexpected tequila liaison. Amazingly.....I had the best sleep I have had in a really long time and when I woke up this morning....I felt absolutely fine. Still, I am way too old to drink like I did last night. After church and Walmart this morning.....my body and my mind became nothing but a pile of mush. It is as if somebody pulled a plug on me. I would just lay here and drool.....if it didn't take so much energy to drool.

I don't care though.....I had a lot of fun and thanks to my old friends and some new ones too.....I got the fun night out that I have needed so badly. Thank you Chris and Allen for inviting me and thank everyone else there for keeping me so thoroughly entertained. We will have to do it again soon.....minus Jose Cuervo!

Your Photo Here.............(Day 25)

They Are Here!

Yep...finally the weather has decided to cooperate so that the spring flowers can start getting their bloom on. My iris are starting to open up in all their purple glory. What beauties they are. Iris just seem to add a touch of class to the garden this time of year.

The only bad thing about the blooming of these lovely's is that with the onset of their blooms comes the onset of other blooming things....things that sprout  pollen. So far both David and Z have been doing the pollen dance and Davids turned into  a sinus infection. I thought I might luck out.....especially since I have taken my Zyrtec faithfully. Apparently that was not to be the case....and all good things must come to an end.....and this includes my ability to stay allergy free. Yesterday.....my sneezing began. It comes in spurts and I will sneeze wildly for a half hour or so and then I get a reprieve, but then soon.....it starts all over again. So far I have missed out on the congestion and stuffy nose.....but the sneezing is enough to drive me up a tree (one giving off lots of pollen I am sure!) I have my fingers crossed that it doesn't turn into more...as I can't afford any down time.....nor do I want to give into the pesky floating allergy causers!

Still though.....the iris are beautiful and much like the Mikes Hard Cranberry Lemonade.....they make me happy. Here is hoping that what is left of your Sunday....makes you happy. Till tomorrow.........

Debbie Downer, A Man and Happy Toes

Ummm....well....yesterday I was a bit of a Debbie Downer. Heck going back and reading yesterdays blog today....was depressing all over again. Luckily, a drs. visit, a good nights sleep and morning sunshine have given me a better perspective today. That and.....I get to go out tonight!!!!! You simply have no idea how much I need this. I am thinking that some time with friends and just getting to have a little fun are going to be just what the dr. ordered.

Last nights house full of boys went over just fine as usual. I am thinking that Z is working it so that EVERY Friday night is going to be "house full of boys night!" They usually congregate here after school, hangout, sing, eat, play video games and then go karaoke. David and I do our own thing and the two worlds seldom meet. So far all has gone well so I don't have any real problems with everyone being here. They all know my rules and as long as no one runs afoul of the law (ME) then I will consider allowing this to be a weekly thing. After all.....at least here....I know what they are doing on a Friday night.

David did get into the dr. yesterday and as suspected....his ear was red. They didn't go so far as to say it was an ear infection....but it was definitely red inside. He does however have a sinus infection and they immediately started him on antibiotics. The dr. said he was good to go for school....so school it was. Having the dr. say there was no reason he couldn't go to school made me feel so much better and whole lot less like the worst mother in the world.

Apparently several read yesterdays blog and took it as I need a man rather than I need help! lol I got a couple of emails stating that perhaps I should put myself back on the market. WHAT MARKET? Is there a market for middle aged women, battling the bulge, gray hair and sagging everything? If there is.....where is it? Do they accept women who have enough baggage to fill an entire Grey Hound bus and who have a snarky attitude? Cause this market I have not seen. I don't quite see myself as the catch I was say twenty years ago, nor do I believe men day dream about a woman like me. Now don't get me wrong. I am not self-bashing here. I am being realistic. I definitely have my good points and some days I clean up okay. I also have a personality that is not without its charms. I have my humorous moments and people are usually not bored around me, but the fact is......my life is not easy. My life is one that takes a lot of energy, determination and a definite sense of humor. I don't know a lot of guys that at this stage of life are too exited to take on me, my life or my issues.  Most at this stage of life are looking at getting their kids grown, retiring and traveling.....chances are those things will never happen in my life. I will always have kids, I will most likely always have to work....and unless someone finds traveling to Wichita exciting..... Well you see why I might not be considered a catch!

I laugh when people say "you need a man!" When I come back with.."No..I need a dishwasher. I need a second income, and I need new tires! But I don't need a man!" They somehow think I am joking. The truth is...it would be wonderful to have another adult to share my day with, to pick my spirits up when they are lagging  or just to laugh and talk with. It would be fantastic to have someone who would hold my hand when I am sitting in the ER waiting to hear a diagnosis, or bring me dinner and then hold my hand when I am having one of my frequent overnight stays with David in the hospital. I would love support and companionship and to know that someone loved me and had my back every step of the way.....but honestly....I don't need it! When God feels I need someone...then I will have him....until then, other than a bad day or two along the way....I guess I am good.

Your Photo Here.............(Day 24)

Happy Toes!

I did it! I went and got the toes painted. I didn't get the shellac because it was an extra $10 and even my toes aren't worth that much. I love the color though and the design. Those girls at Diva are just good. I think this was the lift that I needed. My feet have been happy all day!

Torn and Alone

The end of the week finally made it. It is truly a beautiful sight and yet.....all is not well. Yesterday David's nose was a little runny but last night he was full on congested. All night long his nose was so full that he just tossed and turned. I also think there is ear involvement as he keeps grabbing his ear and rubbing it.  I saw the writing on the wall yesterday evening and and went ahead and  advised work that I might be late as I needed to get David into the dr. this morning. It is days like this that I struggle. I hate feeling pulled in different directions and knowing that no matter what decision I make....I am letting someone down. Sometimes it is just hard doing it....when you're doing it all by your self.  If there was someone else helping me to carry the load then we could switch off  staying home when the kids are sick, but when you do it by yourself....your choices are limited. Every mothers instinct inside me is telling me that David needs to go to the dr. and then come home and go to bed. Yet my adult instincts tell me that I don't want to let my work down either. And I know beyond any doubt that if I have to call in because of David.....I will be told "no problem and I hope he gets to feeling better" and yet I just hate doing it. I hate feeling like I am letting my work down but I hate even more thinking that I am letting David down. My kids will always come first, but my job is so important to me and I just feel stuck. The only upside to all of this is.....at least we aren't dealing with seizures right now. The major downside though is....I have to watch him carefully in case his temp would spike or we could be dealing with a febrile seizure and none of us wants another one of those. Ahhhh....the rose that is Friday....is not without its thorns.

Well....our temperatures have nose dived again. I think I heard highs in the 40's today with rain. That...matched with 50+ mph wind gusts out of the N, and it is going to make for a not so pleasant day. That will help to exasperate Davids condition I am sure. It also has the potential to put me in a less than happy mood. I know this is typical April in Kansas weather....but I am so done with any kind of remotely cold weather....and the wind is kind of getting on my nerves a bit too.

David is lying in bed looking at me and making me feel so guilty right now. You know, I honestly never blame anyone for my being alone. I actually never have. I don't blame God as I  know and honestly understand that there is always a greater purpose in what happens whether we can conceive it at the time or not. And I certainly don't blame Tim....because I know if it had been his choice, he would still be here dealing with the day to day stuff we call life, right along with me.  Knowing all of this though doesn't keep me from feeling very alone sometimes. Most of the time I do fine, but sometimes.....when I am sitting in a hospital room or ER and waiting to hear what the problem is this time, or on days like today when I need to be both with David and at work and there just is no good answer, or when I work and work and still the ends don't meet at the end of the month...those are the times that it is truly hard and I feel truly alone. What I wouldn't give for Tim to be here and to  hear his famous words...."Things will be fine. I am here for you and we will get through this together!" Yes...things will be fine. However....I must do it alone. And yes.... I will get through this....just like I have gotten through everything else in the last ten years....on my own!

Well, I know I seem to be kind of low today....even though it is Friday. I will do my best to make the day a better one, but before I depress everyone further....I think I will simply end this here. So for now I think I will just wish you all a happy and healthy Friday! Stay warm until we blog again.

Your Photo Here.............(Day 24)


Spud and his sick boy!

Today's picture is my poor sick David with his ever faithful companion Spud, the corgi/shepherd mix. Spud is a rescue dog whom someone found roaming the streets when he was about 9 mo. old. The Humane Society had no idea of his background so he was handled carefully. However, the minute I saw him, there was a connection. They said he was pretty shy and not as friendly as some of the other dogs they had available, but he seemed to feel a connection with us too.

After we brought him home, within a week he was terribly sick. He got to the point where he could barely move and was throwing up constantly. I ended up having to take him to the animal ER. Yeah....I know, even my dogs end up in the ER! What we found out was that he had Parvo and the chances of his survival were slim and none. After a vet stay of several days with lots of anti-biotics (resulting in a $500 bill) the verdict was...that he would live.

David took to Spud immediately, something he had not done before with other animals. He would rub his hand along Spuds fur and let Spud lick him over and over again. Spud seemed to understand Davids specialness and was gentle beyond words with him. Together they would lay side by side watching tv or sit quietly on the couch. And Spud always cuddled up behind David's legs at night.

In past months Spud has chosen to sleep downstairs with Z, but whenever David is sick....Spud is always there, and last night was no different. Spud refused to go downstairs and when I woke up this morning, David and Spud were together....Spud sleeping curled up as close to David as possible and David holding Spuds paw. It was kind of an awesome site.

I guess every boy needs a dog and every dog needs a boy....at least that's how it goes in my house. Happy Friday everyone!

Yeah....Last Night Was a Good One

Have you ever had one of those nights, where the minute your head and pillow meet you are out..... and within what seems like seconds.....your alarm is going off? I literally feel as if my entire night was a mere second or two long. Ouch! I am pretty sure I needed more than a seconds worth of sleep last night. Okay....reality says I got nearly 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep, but I feel as if it were not nearly that long....and yet here I sit....droning away on Little Green ready to start the day.

I must say that I am a little giddy that it is Thursday, yet I am not sure why. I am working this weekend...so that is automatically going to cut my weekend short. Doesn't matter though, I am going out Sat. night and play....so as long as I know there is some form of weekend ahead....and some playtime too....it's all good! One of my favorite local bands Big Fat Fun is playing at Rd's County Line this weekend and I plan on going and having some real fun Saturday night. Yay me! Of course last time I went out.....tattoo's almost happened. Wonder what kind of trouble I can get into this time? Hmmmmm!

Last night was an interesting night. Z and I spent hours (no....literally hours) talking. He was suppose to have religious education classes last night (he is preparing to be confirmed) but just before he was too walk out the door to go, right in the midst of me making cheesecakes....he got sick. Don't know whether it was too hot in the house or it was just his stomach but I had to send his ride on because he was feeling crummy. At any rate, after I finished the cheesecakes....Z started asking questions about God and religion. It was things he thinks about, beliefs that he himself is starting to develop and how he feels about a lot of things. We talked about his dad and his dads faith. We talked about the miracle that David is and always has been since the second he took his first breath, and finally we just talked about faith! It was an amazing conversation in the fact that because Z didn't feel well, he was content to sit and talk and listen and stay focused. It was even more amazing because I think we both learned a great deal from the conversation....especially about each other.

As I said....some of our talk was about Tim and his amazing faith. I of course never have Tim far from my mind, but unless I am sitting just dwelling on him, sometimes my mind fuzzes over about things. Last night while talking about David and his NICU (neo natal intensive care unit) stay when he was born, it took me back to how strong Tim was during that time. He took faith and ran with it.....especially at a time when my faith was ebbing. He let me know that I need not worry....he had enough for the both of us. I know the only reason David is here with us today is Tim's unbelievable faith and a complete and total flooding of heaven with prayer. And amidst all the conversation I also remembered what an unbelievably kind heart this man had. Tim was a recovering alcoholic which was an on-going hard fought battle for him. He knew the pain and heart ache involved with getting sober. So he always was there for those who were fighting a similar battle and needed help. Our door was always open to them. Many was the night we had over night guests fighting their addiction, taking it minute by minute and looking to Tim to help them make it through the night, the next hour, the next minute and sometimes the next second. He was always there.

After Tim died, for months I found myself stunned. I always knew that I had picked a wonderful man in Tim, but I don't think I ever realized just how truly amazing he was. People that Tim knew would call me, write me or just come up to me in the store offering me yet again their condolences and share with me their Tim stories. Many I had never heard. It seems that Tim was always quietly helping others. He helped one lady get everything in order so that she could start a business. He spent hours helping a guy at work who was about to lose everything, keep it together and move forward. He kept some from taking that first....last drink and helped one guy who was on the verge of using again. He helped several who had lost jobs.....find new ones and everywhere I turned I heard people say.....and mean......Tim was the best friend a person could ever have! These were all wow moments for me having these people search me out to thank me for what my wonderful husband had done for them. Some of the incidents I knew about....but just as often.....they were situations that Tim just swooped in quietly and helped out....never saying a word to anyone. That was just the kind of man he was.....and I was so proud to share some of these stories with Z last night. Yeah....last night was a good one.

Well much lies ahead to finish out the week. I have work and working out, a Friday night were my house if filled with teenage boys again  and in between.....cleaning, cheesecake making.....and maybe a project completion or two. All in all....it should be a good way to end the week.

Okay....so enough about me (as if that is even possible). It is time to get up and get going. I must leave my comfy recliner and start the day.

Your Photo Here.............(Day 23)

Marni!

I always tell people.....you better read my blog, cause you just never know when you are going to be in it. Such is the case today. Poor unsuspecting Marni. 

Today's picture is of the person who is the only reason LisaMarie's (my old salon) functioned on any kind of a professional or organized level. She was also LisaMarie's fashion sense (cause goodness knows I had none) and she was the one who kept me in line and often times....on my toes.

I had known Marni since high school and while we ran with crowds that often times ran together....we really didn't know each other that well. After high school she married her high school sweetheart (whom she is still married to and is currently co-grandparenting with) and started a family. I went on to do whatever it was that I did....and we would not meet up again until she came into LisaMarie's one day and told me I needed her. Boy was that ever the understatement of the year. Marni then worked her magic and made LisaMarie's both beautiful and functional. She was and still is amazing.

After LisaMarie's closed.....again Marni and I went separate ways. She and her family moved to TX and I.....again..... did whatever it is I do!. Thanks to the glory of facebook.....I found her again. And thanks to another friend Chris....and her annual bbq's I get to see Marni semi regularly. We talk at some point....almost daily, even if it is just a quick fb remark, but I know that if the chips were down and I really needed her.....she would do her best to break all land speed records to get to me. That is just the kind of woman she is.

Few are as blessed as I, to have such a person in their lives....and I will always say.....one of the best days ever....was the day Marni walked into LisaMarie's!

Thanks for reading and may your Thursday be better than Wed. but not near as great as Friday!

Updates and Survival

Still sneezing....but only intermittently and nothing seems to be coming of these little sneezing fits, so I guess the Zyrtec is doing it's job. If I can just make it through spring without any days down....all should be good.

So apparently I am letting my readers down as I have not been updating people on of all things.....my life. I actually thought I had pretty much thrown it all out there....lock, stock and barrel, but it appears there are those of you  just ummm.....errrr...uh....invested enough in my blogs that you actually want more. You poor things. It's like a train wreck....you just can't look away! Well....far be it from me to not give the public what they want, so Angie....this blogs for you.

Updates: okay first what I gave up for Lent. How am I doing? Amazingly....diet soda has not passed these lips since Ash Wednesday. The first couple of weeks were really not easy, as I even dreamed about the stuff (can anyone here say addiction?) Since then though....I have only thought about it a few times. I also had a long talk with my dr. about diet soda's link to cancer. She said that in any studies she has read about diet soda and cancer you would have to drink cases of the stuff daily in order for it to even remotely be a concern. She also said obesity was far more linkable to cancer than diet soda was, so she would much rather see her patients having a diet soda or two rather than have them overweight. I also asked her about the new study that diet soda can cause strokes and heart issues. She laughed and said....then why is Diet Coke part of the American Heart Associations Go Red project? Good question and an answer I didn't have. So when Lent ends....I will feel a little better about my diet soda consumption....if in fact I decide to partake again.

Someone asked me the other day what I wanted the Easter Bunny to bring me and I said a two liter of Diet Mt. Dew of course! The truth is though....after another two weeks off the stuff, I might not be so anxious to jump back on the diet soda wagon. Not drinking the stuff has saved me some significant money, Z rarely drinks soda of any kind anymore.....and whether it is simply mental or truly physical....I think I actually feel better. At any rate....diet soda and I may have really broken up for good this time.

Ahhhhh swearing! Well, this has been a hard fought battle since day one. At first I was forking over money like......well like I had it (which I don't!) Then for awhile I was really good with only the occasional faux pas slipping from my lips. In the last week though.....fear not as yet unnamed charity.....it appears you are going to get a donation of lottery win proportions come Easter. What is wrong with me? I just hate it.....and yet there are  times when it seems regular words are simply not enough. Four letter words are just so versatile in the fact that they can be nouns, adjectives and verbs......and they so help me to get my point across. However....I am still working on it and I still have a week or so to improve. At least now,  I am aware when they come out of my mouth......but face it.....kiss my big green toenail is just not as effective as my normal verbiage of choice. Baby steps though....I remain a work in progress.

In an earlier blog this week or maybe the end of last week.....I admitted to my failure to carry out my March's adventures and still the chair sits in my room, pulled apart....but as yet unfinished. The plants too still remain unplanted. Sigh. I sound like I am procrastinating....and most likely I am, because procrastination and I have always been good buds, but actually.....life is a whirlwind and I am finding that 24 hours is just not enough hours in the day to accomplish all I need to do...oh and to sleep too. In fact....I have been lengthening my days as best I can. I now wake up between 4:45 a.m. an 5 a.m. and I am generally still at it until close to 11 p.m. You would think in that time span I could accomplish things....but sadly every day....at least one or two things still go uncompleted. Oy! I so need an organizer...not a book type....a human type. I need someone who can just point me in the direction of tasks until they are completed. Or maybe I need a secretary. Maybe I just need someone who screens my calls, schedules me, and picks up my dry cleaning weekly. Nah....who am I kidding? We all know that what I really need is a keeper! Any takers out there? Yeah....I didn't think so.

In other news: Davids meds are officially changed, Z is in full spring play mode and suddenly there are flowers blooming in my flower beds and weeds blooming in my lawn. We will be opening the pool at the beginning of May (weather please cooperate), and school is almost out. I am going into spring cheesecake season and am trying to plan an excursion or two over the summer.

When I look back on my blogs since the beginning of the year and the hopeful change I set in motion....I really see that I have made change. We are a quarter through the year and the reality is...while not perfect, progress is on the horizon. I am in a better place than I was 4 months ago and I think my family is too. I have chosen a path and I have set the wheels in motion to head down that path. Slowly and sure I am getting there. What lies ahead? Only God knows that, but so far He has never yet not given me what I need to continue the journey....and I have great faith that that will not change.

So here it is. Here is your update. It is not exciting....but then by now, if you have stuck with me thus far, you know exciting doesn't usually describe anything about my life. I guess it is what it is...and I remain now and forever....a work in progress!

Your Photo Here.............(Day 22)

 Survivor!

Today's picture has hung on my hallway wall for many years. I never think about it until the other day when someone saw it and said...."Wow...you are beautiful in that picture!"

Last night I was looking at the picture and thinking back to when it was taken. It was taken almost 26 years ago at a time in my life when I felt anything but beautiful.

My mother, myself and my brother had all taken a trip to Branson, MO. It was a spur of the moment thing to ease the tension that was our (my) life at the time. I was in an abusive relationship and I had just a few weeks prior...been beaten to the point of having to go to the ER by ambulance. Oh....and did I mention.... I was also pregnant? The beating was not the first in this relationship, but thanks to a dr. in the ER who cared enough to be totally frank with me...it was the last beating. She made me realize that my next beating could be the end for both me and my unborn child. I got away for the sake of my child.

If you look at my eyes....they are not happy. They are sad and tired and full of pain. My world was collapsing and I had no idea how I was going to build it up again. I was in hell!

After our impromptu trip, there was never another beating, but I went through years of stalking and mental abuse because I refused to let this man touch me again. I constantly lived in fear of where or when he would show up next and what he would do to both me and my child if ever we were caught alone.

Eventually he found someone new to abuse and I became lost in the shuffle of women he used  and tried to destroy. Life eventually got back to normal for my family and that which was torn down was ultimately built back up.

When I look at the picture....I just see so much sadness in that young face. Perhaps though, the beauty in the face of that young girl is the fact that although she was abused....she was not beaten and she had the strength to stop what could have ultimately been fatal. That girl was a survivor!

And here is wishing you a happy Wednesday on the downhill slide to your weekend!