A Little Catch-up, A Few Lessons and A Whole Lot of Grace

 Just a little catch-up. 

This year so far (2021) has been an interesting one for me personally. Starting in November of 2020, I decided to work on putting myself first a little bit more. I also decided that I needed to be a little gentler with myself and not hold myself to such rigid standards. I needed to give myself some much-needed grace. Goodness knows that I have always been my own worst enemy. So far, we are now in mid-April, and I am still fighting the good fight and keeping myself in a forward-moving motion but not punishing myself if I stumble. That is definitely progress.

They say with age comes wisdom. I'm not sure if that is true or not, but one thing I seem to be learning deep down inside and not just on the surface is, I have to do things that make me happy, make me smile, and make me feel good. If I don't, then I can't help to make others happy, smile, or feel good. What I put out to the world needs to be the best of me, and that is what I am trying to achieve.

This last year has taught me a great deal about life, from the people that I have lost to the times when my time was not my own. Some things I learned were; if a young girl can live a lifetime of good, caring, and giving in 18 short years, then what have I done with my life having been given decades more time than she had? I also learned (in case there was ever a doubt) that I was never meant to be a teacher (especially where math is concerned), and that teachers deserve so much credit for showing up every day and not crying. 

One slightly shocking lesson that came from all of this, was that being in a lockdown or quarantine situation affected me very little because apparently, I live like I am in quarantine all the time. Who knew? Another fun fact I've learned about me....masks make me hot from the top of my head to my toes and if you put a mask on my mouth and nose, I will sweat clear through my clothes. This makes any public situation where masks are required, a sweaty mess. Yeah, and I smell pretty too! 

After much thought and introspection, I also learned that I need to be brave and spend this second part of my life, never fearing to try new things, live my life as I choose and as fearlessly as I can, and to speak up and out whenever I know it is right. And finally, perhaps one of the greatest things I have learned is that I need to listen more, give more, talk less, and to remember that there is always something to be grateful for. 

Yes, that's a lot of lessons to learn, but 2020 was a really long year!  

So, if you know me at all, then you know that one of my greatest joys is to blog. Going forward, I hope to blog more. Sadly, these last couple of years, life has been so challenging at times, that being able to focus enough to blog on a regular basis has been difficult. I am hoping to change that, especially, since I am actually the proud blogger on four different blogs. Four you say? Yes! I have this one of course, which covers my life, my family, and just about everything I feel and believe. My second blog is about my son David who is differently-abled and who will be 21 this year. He is a bona fide miracle and his blog has spanned many many years and the many ups and downs of his life. The third blog is about health, nutrition, exercise, and how to do you, even if your nutrition isn't the best and exercise is a dirty word to you. Finally, my fourth and final blog has to do with my journey through Al-Anon and life as a mother with an addicted child. As you can see all of these blogs have different viewpoints and appeal to different audiences. That being said, they are all a part of me and they all deserve a little 2021 love, so as a way to make myself happier, and maybe even as a way to give back a bit, I hope to be doing more blogging throughout the rest of 2021. 

If you would like to follow one or all of my blogs or blog posts, but finding them all seems a bit daunting, I have a page on Facebook called The Lisa Blogs and if you click on The Lisa Blogs <<<here, it will take you to the page. You can follow/join the page and whenever a new blog post is made, it will show up there. Also, feel free to invite your friends, to share my blog posts, and to comment whenever the mood strikes your fancy. Writers love to live in the glow of those who appreciate their work. 

Mixed in with the blogging, my new found love of the gym (I have no idea where that came from), and my new found freedom since I am no longer the worlds worst math teacher, I have also done a great deal of cooking, trying new dishes and making things from scratch and canning. That definitely took me back to my younger years when I swore to my mom that, "When I am an adult, I will NEVER can." Never say never. I have also taken up sewing again. It has been years, but I have found a new love for it and have enjoyed making several things of late. I am still not the best at it, but again, I am working to be gentle with myself and to remember that each mistitch and mistake is a learning experience. 

So as you can tell, 2020 was a lesson dump and in 2021, I am trying to take each lesson in and learn from it. Some days are better than others, but on the not-so-great days, I give myself grace (a lot of grace), but I don't let myself run from my goals. Instead, I give myself a day and then I make myself get right back at it. It really has been a nice change in my life.

Going forward on here, I plan to continue to discuss some of my newfound lessons, to talk about life, to share my family (when they let me), and to touch on the things in the world that affect me. I hope that you come along for the ride and if you like what you read, that you invite others to come along too. 

Until next time, I hope you are happy, healthy, and able to live fearlessly in 2021.  

COVID....Moving Forward and Leaving Behind

 

It is hard to believe that it has been a year since the great toilet paper shortage of  2020. It has also been almost a year since the country began shutting everything down and made masks the new accessory that goes with absolutely nothing. 

No, I am not going to be talking about whether to wear a mask or not nor am I going to talk about the politics of COVID, the misinformation, or even about what it has done to the economy. That is all in the past. What I am going to talk about though, is the here and now and what our world looks like going forward. 

One of the areas in this country that COVID and COVID precautions have done a number on are our schools. Schools across the country have shut down and gone to mostly online classes and kids have suffered. They have lost true socialization, they have felt confined and many have quit school because, with so many working parents, many high school kids have not had the daily motivation to keep going. Aside from that though, having no school has been hard on the mental health of kids. Kids were not designed to be on lockdown, as they are social beings. Without the social interaction and the ability to have time away from home and family, this causes big emotions in the already hormonal kids that can have side effects such as self-harm and even suicide. We are creating situations that we might not be able to step back from. 

In my town last year, we quarantined like everyone else and after spring break, our kids finished the year online. This school year, our school board did their best to stay within the state guidelines and to also give parents a choice of how they felt comfortable with their kids learning. Kids could either do a hybrid schedule, where kids went to school half the day and did online school the other half, or they could do full-time online. Most parents have been satisfied with the choice. Of late, though, with the new state guidelines and things beginning to open up a bit, many hybrid parents have been pressing to fully opening up the schools again. They don't care if the kids have to wear masks and wash their hands 100 times a day, they feel their kids need full-time school, and quite frankly, so do the parents. So, our school district has now offered a new option for the last nine weeks. Kids can go full days or online. The hybrid option is basically no longer on the table. Many parents are jumping at this. Of course, though, there are those parents who are NOT happy with the all-day option as they still feel, it is too soon and the heated "discussions" have begun. 

So this brings me to the point of this blog. What is next?

My biggest concern when all of the COVID stuff started was, the fear I saw. Suddenly people became immensely afraid and many would not leave their homes. Those that did could be seen wearing at least one mask everywhere they went and some wore two. Some even wore full-on medical respirators and these people were not satisfied just wearing a mask themselves. They vehemently insisted that EVERYONE wear one too. This caused numerous online and in-person battles and showed the worst sides of people in general. Fear never brings out the best in people and a good percent of the population was scared right down to their skivvies. People were legitimately scared of dying from COVID. 

I myself though, was a little put off because of the hypocrisy in the whole mask thing, as many of these terrified people, just a couple of weeks before the mask mandates began, were the same people in stores with hundreds of others, coughing, sneezing and buying up all the toilet paper. The only fear they had at that moment, was that they might not get 25 packages of Charmin. Then, the mandate came about, and suddenly they were too frozen with fear to step out their front door, and definitely not without a mask. 

Now here we are all these months later, and there are those who still seem too afraid to even think about letting their kids, back in school or God forbid, going without a mask. So I guess my question is, when will people find it truly safe to get back to normal? What will it take? Will it ever even happen?

Sadly, my guess is that there are those out there permanently scarred by the last year and their fear, now rules them. To walk out into the open without a mask is unthinkable and not unlike many in China, going forward there may be those who never go out without a mask again. It is sad, but that is a choice they are making and if it makes them comfortable, then who am I to say anything?

The problem is, there have always been germs out there and viruses that have the potential to kill indiscriminately. For years, the flu has taken hundreds of thousands of lives and still we ate in crowded restaurants, went to concerts and big events, shopped Black Friday, and gathered in churches and schools, running fevers, coughing on each other, and rubbing our germ-ridden bodies up against each other without nary a thought. We didn't expect others to wear a mask to protect our health, nor did we expect the government, restaurants, stores, or schools to protect our health. This was the world we lived in and going back to normal, likely means going back to some version of this. After this last year though, there are those, that I doubt will ever be able to handle going back to this. Their fear of getting sick will far outweigh their enjoyment of life or a return to normalcy. 

For others though, they may have complied with the health mandates when necessary, but every chance they got, they maintained as normal a life as possible. This meant tossing the mask when possible and going out whenever they could, wherever they could. Many of these people also contracted COVID, recovered, and went right back to life. These are the people that have been living for the moment when the mandates are over and they can go to a concert, sing in church and shop Black Friday like it's their job.

Now please don't think that I don't know that COVID is real and in many cases, it has been debilitating and even deadly. It has taken people's health and their lives. But even for those who have not gotten the virus, it has also taken a lot. It has made it so that those in nursing homes have not seen their families and some have died never getting to say goodbye. It has kept families apart and left many who have died, without funerals. It has closed down businesses and left people unemployed. It has left families homeless and allowed the spread of abuse, addiction, and suicide. And for many, COVID has taken security, peace of mind, and the ability to function in a world that 14 months ago had been our norm all of our lives.  

So what will our post-pandemic world look like? I can't speak for anyone else, but I know how it will look for me. Before COVID was ever a thing, I wore a mask when I was sick during flu season. I always washed my hands and used good hygiene and I used common sense when I was sick and stayed home. I also tried hard to avoid big crowds during heavy cold and flu times. I imagine that my future looks much the same. 

I guess I am different than most. I never feared COVID. I stayed in and quarantined during the times we were trying to "flatten the curve," and I wore a mask out and about, but if others didn't, I never paid much attention. That was their business. I did get COVID, even using precautions and although it wasn't great, I can honestly say I have been much sicker having the flu. Had it, God forbid, killed me though, my family would not have blamed non-mask wearers, the stores I went to nor anyone else. It would simply have been my time and COVID would have been the way. 

So I am sure, sooner rather than later, the mandates will slowly fall away and the majority of people will start digging for some small part of the norm they left behind. Others though will fight for their security and be very angry that others aren't doing the same. It will be a sticking point that likely won't soon go away. It will just be part of the mess that COVID leaves behind. 

For the Good

 My intentions were to have my semi-traditional end of the year blog post and then my (again) semi-traditional beginning of the New Year, blog post. As you can see though, we are eight days into the new year and so I am combining. I guess this makes sense though in the big scheme of things, since nothing in 2020 was traditional (semi or otherwise), and thus here you have it. 

If I am honest, 2020 was a year that made me feel a whole lot of emotions and actually changed me a great deal. In fact, this past year probably changed me more than any year I have ever lived through. Perhaps it made me realize that we are no longer strong resilient people like I know we once were. Instead, we seem to have become weaker. We are a country of people who would rather talk than act, would rather be safe than free, and who would rather be taken care of than stand on our own two feet and earn what we have by the sweat of our brow. 

No, I am not going to get political per se, but I can't ignore politics completely if, in fact, I want to honestly speak about this past year, as in many ways, politics were behind much of what made 2020 what it was. 

Not to rehash the last couple of decades, I will simply say that who we were as a country in 2001 and who we are now, is a night and day difference in everything from our patriotism to our core beliefs, to our morality. And while many of us who are older and blame it on the youth, we need to keep in mind that these newer generations hardly remember 9/11 and are so far removed from the threat of real war and the truths of communism that they can hardly be blamed for their beliefs and much of this is our faults. 

We rallied with patriotism after 9/11, because our parents and grandparents had fought in wars. They had been bomb-shelter babies, who knew the realities of losing their rights and their freedoms to those with dollar signs in their eyes and complete submissive rule over others in their hearts. Today's younger generations know none of this and because we sheltered them, they see the world much differently. If they really understood the dangers of the world, do you think they would put themselves or their future children in danger? Of course not, but they are young and as my mom always used to say, "youth is wasted on the young." They do not have the foresight to see what age and wisdom tend to bring. 

So 2020. It started with an attempted political coup and low and behold, 2021 started with the same, with sides reversed. Weird right? Last year also gave us a pandemic, a toilet paper and sanitizer shortage (and I still have no understanding of the toilet paper thing). Then we had the "14-day" lockdown, which was designed to help us get through "the worst" of the pandemic, which turned into months. People were out of work, out of money, and quickly growing out of patience. Kids were not allowed to finish the school year at school, so teachers, parents, and kids did their best to finish the year with as little issue as possible, but truthfully there was "a lot" of issue. 

We learned that the CDC could give hope and take hope all in the same newscast. Doctors and medical professionals could not agree on the best course of action to avoid the disease and people were panicking as worst-case scenarios were constantly barraging both social media and mainstream media. People became paranoid, fearful, and angry as we went into late spring and early summer.

Many milestones and events were either postponed or canceled altogether and graduations, funerals, and events both big and small had to either be changed or completely disregarded. People were working from home if they were working at all, and cabin fever was becoming something very real and very debilitating. People were starting to rebel as neighbors began to turn on each other and "tattle" to the police about gatherings or those that refused to wear masks. That's right! Who would have thought that "masks" would be the new accessory of 2020? 

If politics had not divided us enough at the end of 2019 going into 2020, then the maskers vs. non-maskers wedged itself into that divide even further and people were actually getting into fights in public over......you guessed it....masks. 

Then began the summer of BLM. Like many issues that start with good solid reasoning, when you get humans involved, the issue often takes a sharp turn onto a path that neither is positive nor productive. This was the resurgence of the BLM and their summer of destruction and rioting. It started with a need to look into police departments where racial injustice reared its ugly head. We all knew it was there and that in some areas it was a huge issue, but with our new world of CCTV and a cell phone in every hand, as well as a very high strung media, it was a recipe for disaster. 

People who had been trapped inside for months, who were already frustrated and angry, clung on to the movement like it was the air they breathed. Every city was rioting, destroying, and killing over the movement without a thought to the fact that many times they were destroying their own neighborhoods, businesses, and homes, nor that many of the faces on the front lines were white ANTIFA members whose agenda had nothing to do with black lives and everything to do with anarchy and destruction. Many lives were lost before people started to realize that maybe these riots and destruction were not so much about getting rid of bad cops and racial injustice and more about politics and agendas that really didn't even care about black lives. 

As fall rolled in, many schools refused to open back up full time and students were either left with online learning or a hybrid of both in school and online education. Kids that had been apart since spring break and who had been looking forward to returning to something that was normal were highly disappointed. So were parents and grandparents who ended up having to brush off math and science skills long ago forgotten in the cobwebs of their minds. Many a learning situation has been peppered with the tears of both the instructor and the instructed as both students and "their adults" have suffered through the 2020-2021 school year. 

The holidays this year were hardly festive for many. Between being out of work, having many normal festivities canceled and being limited on financial resources, limited on the ability to socialize (even with family), and the constant droning on of the media of worst-case scenarios.......suicides, domestic violence, and mental health issues sky-rocketed. Drug addiction and drug relapses have been at an all-time high and added to that, it was a presidential election year. None of us was in a good place by Thanksgiving. 

This was the worst election year in my memory. People were sure they were right about EVERYTHING and almost all civil conversation on the topic of just about anything became contentious. No one was listening, everyone was talking and very few had enough facts to even back up their opinions. We were a hateful, hate-filled people, who were turning on each other and constantly going out of our way to cause issue with each other because of how miserable we all were about EVERYTHING! Most of us couldn't wait for the date to change and for it to become 2021. Unfortunately, it takes more than a calendar date change, for a real change to happen and when you drag the baggage of 2020 into the New Year, you are likely not going to see a lot of change. We dragged it and we got exactly what anyone with an ounce of common sense would expect.......more of the same. 

So in bursts 2021, and suddenly those that had supported a coup in early 2020, were now condemning the current coup and all those involved and wondering why everyone can't just get behind the president-elect. Regardless of which side you are on, if you have been watching all this time, you have to understand the ridiculousness of the whole situation and the hypocrisy that oozes from every pore of the American people. Personally, I rolled my eyes so long and so hard, I was afraid they might stick that way. 

For me personally, 2020 was a year of great loss and great sadness, and none of it had to do with COVID. We also had COVID go through our house, and yes, we took normal precautions, wore masks, and washed our hands, but common sense told me that catching COVID was a possibility, just like catching the flu, and that nothing was 100%. I blamed no one (mask wearers or non-mask wearers) and was fully aware that if God chose my death to be by COVID, then I had very little say in the matter. Was it fun? No. Did we all survive? Yes. From the beginning though, I never really feared it. I refused to quit living over a possibility. I guess I would rather die while I am living free than die of fear. 

I can't say that 2020 was all bad. I learned a great deal about people and my relationships with them and I learned about what I will accept and won't accept or tolerate in my life. I found that while an amusing distraction while sitting in a doctor's office, Facebook for the most part is about as non-essential in my life as kale. Trust me, kale is very non-essential. I also found that there is no longer anything remotely ethical about the news media and rather than lose my mind listening to biased and altogether unfactual news reports, that if I want to know about something, I will research it myself and get as close to first-hand information as I can. I don't want to be told how to think. I choose to think for myself. 

I was told in 2020 that because I was a white woman, I was automatically racist. I was also told that I was entitled, for the same reason. On further thought, I realized that we are all a bit racist and prejudice regardless of color or ethnicity. Of course, there is a bias depending on where and how we grew up. It is natural and yes, there are people that take it to extremes in every race, but our differences are what makes us beautiful, unique, and interesting, and as a white woman, I have every right to be proud of who I am, without taking a thing away from any other race or culture. As far as entitlement goes, I feel each of us is entitled to get what we want from life, as long as we are willing to work hard, face obstacles head-on, and yes, fight for it. So if that makes me entitled, then so be it. 

I also learned this year, that to start something and set a goal, does not have to coincide with a calendar date. I started some really interesting things, way before the new year, and some even with a mid-week date. I realized that the date didn't matter. What mattered was that I started. No big goals, just small attainable projects, and so far, all are still in play and I am still succeeding. 

Finally, I learned that even though I am a fairly positive person, being inundated with negativity day in and day out is debilitating. I was beginning to be a hateful and hate-filled person and I really didn't like myself much. Once I stepped away from social media, the mainstream media, and quite a few people, I found myself to be happier, more joy-filled, more productive, and a lot less stressed. Sadly, a few people I love and have no issue with have also fallen into the abyss, since I have socially distanced myself from people (not for COVID reasons at all) but slowly, I will add them back in, if and when I feel social. 

I have taken this time to educate myself, learning to do new things and different projects. I have looked inside myself to see who I really am as a person and what I like and don't like about myself and I have learned to enjoy what I have and to realize that what I want and what I need are two completely different things. 

So there you have it. I have said good-bye to 2020 and hello to 2021 with no real expectations and no desire to make any changes that aren't healthy for me both mentally and physically and positive for my own little piece of the world. Maybe this year I will take up a hobby, take a new path, or find something else new and exciting about my own little world. Whatever happens though, I can pretty much say that 2020 changed me for good and quite possibly for the good, and in the end, that is all we can hope for in any year....right?

Maskers vs. Anti-Maskers

Happy "almost" 4th of July!!!!

Tomorrow we will be celebrating Independence Day. Well....in theory anyway. Most of us are feeling anything but "independent" and after what has been going on in our government and with the citizens of our country, many also find little to be proud of. Basically we have all lost our damn minds and if proof is needed, just look at social media.

So today, I am going to talk......masks...or what I like to call maskers vs. anti-maskers.  

In my state, our governor "mandated" that as of midnight last night, masks were going to be mandatory in public places. It was then pointed out that the governor did not really hold the power to "force" this decision, so it turned into she "highly suggested" that masks be worn in public places. In essence, she really can't "force" masks to be worn, but she did empower businesses to reject services to customers who do not wear masks. It also became a situation where since there was a great deal of blow back on the mask "suggestion" that the counties started deciding whether they would try to enforce the mandate or not. Our county decided that they would stick with "suggest" since the police had already made a statement that they would not be enforcing, arresting or even acknowledge calls that pertained to mask wearing. Can you blame them? We are in the middle of summer, the highest crime rate time anyway, and because of this mandate they are now going to be inundated with Karen Calls about people not wearing masks.

So where do I stand on the subject? Usually about 6 feet (or further if possible) away from people whether they are wearing a mask or not. I am not a fan of people right now....mask or no mask. I also do a lot of heavy sighing and eye rolling when I see the ridiculousness of what I see on the news and in social media with the maskers vs the anti-maskers.

I do kind of see this from both sides, as fear has been a powerful media tool in the pushing of masks and apparently fear leads a lot of peoples lives. Who knew?  On the other hand, I completely understand the desire to not want to have your face covered when it is 100 degrees outside. Especially when reputable sources on both sides, doctors, scientists and even the CDC have said one thing and then changed it time and time again in the last few months. What we know about this virus is.......we apparently don't know! What I know about this virus is.....I am not going to stop living my life nor am I going to live my life in fear. Like me or hate me.....I don't really care. I guess I am just a rebel like that.

So today I went to Walmart. I hate going to Walmart, especially the day before a holiday weekend. The stars aligned just so though, and today was the day I got to go. Now, I have not been wearing a mask much, but I do carry one with me, as I am not going to disrespect a business if they want me to wear one on their premises. If I don't want to wear a mask, then I don't need to do business there, but if I need their services, then I have enough respect to abide by their wishes.

I truly expected today, with the "suggestion" in place, that I would not be allowed in Walmart without a mask. I was amazed though at the hoards of people shopping along with no masks. Yes, there were slightly more people wearing masks than usual, but there were just as many if not more, without. Because I wanted to get in and get out without incident and because there were soooooo many people in the store, I did actually wear my mask going in. However, after about 10 minutes with the heat, humidity and so many people, I had to take my mask off. My glasses kept fogging up, I was getting a horrible headache and my mask was literally getting wet from the humidity....in the store. I gave up.

I did my shopping without incident and as I was leaving I heard an interesting conversation. The lady who stands at the exit was of course, wearing a mask and an older gentleman and his wife who were also wearing masks, walked up to her and thanked her for wearing the mask. She told them, your welcome but that it was mandatory for all employees to wear one. Then he asked why they were allowing customers to walk around without masks on. She told him that it is Walmart's policy, that they cannot refuse service to anyone whether they are wearing a mask or not and they cannot ask someone to put a mask on. Interesting. So that explained a lot. There are obviously some businesses worried about the economics of this whole virus thing.

Now don't get me wrong. I am not going to get into a knock down drag out over a stupid mask.If it is a business requirement I will do it without comment. If however, I have a choice, you are going to see my naked face every time. Sound funny? Maybe, but that is just me.

Is the virus real? Yes of course it is. There are though, I believe, many "facts" about this virus that are not real. I refuse to argue about it though. Why? Because I could argue with a wall and get further than I can with a masker. When someone acts based in fear, there is no getting through that barrier of fear and resistance and I am not even going to waste my time trying. Life is just too short. I am however, going to go on with my life as simply as possible. I will carry a mask with me and I will wear one where it is required to do business. Every place else, I will social distance, not because I am told to, but because I have always done that.

Bottom line, if you choose to wear a mask, I have no problem with that and you will get no argument from me on your choice...because frankly....it is none of my damn business how you choose to live your life. I also will not argue with you on my choice to wear or not to wear one, because frankly....it is my choice and none of your damn business how I choose to live my life.

I can think of no better way of ending this than with this video of the Star Spangled Banner. Perhaps you will learn something you didn't know.