Going Forward

 I don't know what it is about this time of year, but my head always gets so full of thoughts that I feel I  "need" to immortalize them all in the written word. This year is no different. 

This has been a crazy unprecedented year of firsts (and hopefully lasts) as well as just downright insanity from all directions, and I have run the gambit of emotions from abject sadness, to anger, to amusement, with a whole lot of gratefulness thrown in. 

It has also been a year of exhaustion. So much change and craziness have brought on both a mental and physical exhaustion that most of us have likely never seen or felt before. Because my brain allows me to do nothing less, I have taken to this blog several times over the year, expressing my opinion, marveling at the world (not always in a good way), and dumping my emotionally pent up baggage on anyone who cares to read this. But then again, isn't that what blogs are for? 

I have also been both chastised and praised for my words. Neither was a goal. In fact, the only goal was to unload the words, feelings, and emotions that seem to fill my brain and twist my soul until I let them flood out. They haven't all been pleasant and at times, even writing them made me feel as if I was going crazy from the craziness that was surrounding me and causing me to feel the need to write them. 

So what does this all mean? I guess it means that writing is my passion, my therapy, my way to communicate when no one is listening, and my way of sharing who I am as a human being. You know....the whole, this is me...love me or hate me thing. 

Some things have been changing in my life of late, and it has really got me thinking and I decided to get serious about things a couple of weeks ago, so I started wondering what is the one thing not family-related that I couldn't live without? Only one thing came to mind.......my WRITING! If you take it away from me, you will likely not like what is left of me. It has been my enduring passion since my 6th-grade teacher Mrs. Kohl had me write and complete my first story. Oh, there had been many unfinished "masterpieces" prior to that, but Mrs. Kohl for some reason had the knack for making me want to write better and from then on, it became like breathing to me.

Even now, no matter what I am doing, I am usually creating a blog piece or story in my head. Whether I am going to sleep at night, driving in the car, out walking, or just working around the house, you can bet that there is some story going on in my head. Tragically, because I don't prioritize well, many of those stories never make it from the creating part to the actual computer page, and then get lost in the dark recesses of my rapidly aging brain. Oh alas, the creativity the world has missed. 

Of late though, I have been writing a lot of different things. Some are very personal, some not so much. Some are stories of my growing up, some are stories of my mom growing up, and some are stories that I just create, usually starting with a what-if scenario. None have made it to the blogosphere so far, but I am thinking I might change that. 

I am tired of writing about the world right now because words alone will not change much that is going on and unfortunately, words are about all I have. Instead, I think I am going to branch out a bit and write some stories, both fact and fiction and maybe write less about the world beyond my house and more about what goes on in my house. Trust me, we are a treasure trove of stories and craziness all on our own. 

Mostly what is going to change in the upcoming months, is that I am going to give myself some time and space to create. I love my life and all that it includes, but I need to find my way back to me again (a journey I try to take every decade or so). Right now, that means letting my creativity flow all the way to the computer and possibly even sharing it with you all. I also have some other creative things I am pursuing, but that is for another day and another blog. 

So going forward, you may be seeing more of me here and I may be asking you to chime in on my content or to even give me ideas for blog pieces. I am never above digging in and doing a little research to learn something new and write about it. Right now though, I am getting my feet wet again and finding my way back into going from point A to point Z without stalling out somewhere in the middle. 

If you like what you see, feel free to comment and if there is a topic you would like to see me cover (please no politics right now....I am politiced out) then let me know and I will try to include it in one of my blog pieces. For now, though, I wish you all a very happy Christmas/Holiday Season and hope you all stay healthy and happy as we finish up this crazy crazy year. 

May the Best Be Yet to Come......

It is the official start of summer! Well, yesterday was anyway. I have spent many summers of my life in this house, but this summer is different. This summer I am no longer living in a house, I am living in a home. Mine and David's home.....and it truly makes all the difference in the world in how I look at this house, how I feel about this house and the time and effort I am putting into this house. I had no idea, especially since before this all happened I had always thought I considered this our home and that I took care of it as such. But now.....knowing that it is ours......well home truly has a new meaning for me.... and the way I view it and treat it are so so different.

I feel that there are many new things on the horizon in my life. I know these last few months have changed me drastically and I hope that it is for the good. The whole "if you can't be helpful then just be harmless" mantra keeps passing through my brain daily. All of my adult life I have been a person of action, but I am learning that sometimes action isn't always good. Sometimes my action or better yet...reaction to a situation, can be debilitating and enabling for others, thus causing the exact opposite affect I had hoped for with the action. I now truly understand the whole aspect of being "harmless". Sometimes the best way to help is to stand back, become very small and allow others to figure out their own lives, troubles and situations.

I never realized before now, just how egocentric it is to think that as an individual I can fix everyone else's problems thus depriving them of the life lessons they may need in order to become the people they are supposed to be. Again....a very humbling realization among a thousand other humbling realizations that I have been faced with of late. Granted, there are situations where in order to help someone you do have to go in, guns blazing and push until the situation either resolves itself or until it pushes back inciting a possible war. In many cases though, in fact in most cases, a much gentler approach of listening and letting others figure things out for themselves knowing that they are supported but still making the decisions and dealing with the ultimate consequences on their own is the best route. See....I am learning!

One of the things that I have had little time for over the last year or so has been what I truly love and that is....writing. I used to eat, sleep and breathe blogging and writing, but life has pushed it to the back burner and left me with little or no time and thus little or no outlet for my life. Well, I have decided to take back my life in several different ways and the first of those is to start blogging/writing again. In fact I have started with a writing challenge for myself. I plan on trying to spend the next 30 days blogging every day. I have no idea how this will work out but I do know that my writing skills need some therapy and exercise and what better way than 30 consecutive days of blogging?

I have learned that I have many new blog readers since February and so I hope that even though I am no longer fighting to save David's home, that you all will still come along for the blog ride and continue reading, commenting and sharing my blogs. Perhaps I can say the right thing at the right time to help someone or maybe entertain you a bit or maybe even give you a different perspective on something. Whatever the case, I hope you all hang in there in these next 30 days and tell me what you think.

So yeah, the lessons keep on coming which makes me very grateful for these last few months. I wouldn't be the me I am right now if not for all those good and bad moments that have made up 2018 so far.... and we are just now only half way through the year. May the best be yet to come.........