Going Forward

 I don't know what it is about this time of year, but my head always gets so full of thoughts that I feel I  "need" to immortalize them all in the written word. This year is no different. 

This has been a crazy unprecedented year of firsts (and hopefully lasts) as well as just downright insanity from all directions, and I have run the gambit of emotions from abject sadness, to anger, to amusement, with a whole lot of gratefulness thrown in. 

It has also been a year of exhaustion. So much change and craziness have brought on both a mental and physical exhaustion that most of us have likely never seen or felt before. Because my brain allows me to do nothing less, I have taken to this blog several times over the year, expressing my opinion, marveling at the world (not always in a good way), and dumping my emotionally pent up baggage on anyone who cares to read this. But then again, isn't that what blogs are for? 

I have also been both chastised and praised for my words. Neither was a goal. In fact, the only goal was to unload the words, feelings, and emotions that seem to fill my brain and twist my soul until I let them flood out. They haven't all been pleasant and at times, even writing them made me feel as if I was going crazy from the craziness that was surrounding me and causing me to feel the need to write them. 

So what does this all mean? I guess it means that writing is my passion, my therapy, my way to communicate when no one is listening, and my way of sharing who I am as a human being. You know....the whole, this is me...love me or hate me thing. 

Some things have been changing in my life of late, and it has really got me thinking and I decided to get serious about things a couple of weeks ago, so I started wondering what is the one thing not family-related that I couldn't live without? Only one thing came to mind.......my WRITING! If you take it away from me, you will likely not like what is left of me. It has been my enduring passion since my 6th-grade teacher Mrs. Kohl had me write and complete my first story. Oh, there had been many unfinished "masterpieces" prior to that, but Mrs. Kohl for some reason had the knack for making me want to write better and from then on, it became like breathing to me.

Even now, no matter what I am doing, I am usually creating a blog piece or story in my head. Whether I am going to sleep at night, driving in the car, out walking, or just working around the house, you can bet that there is some story going on in my head. Tragically, because I don't prioritize well, many of those stories never make it from the creating part to the actual computer page, and then get lost in the dark recesses of my rapidly aging brain. Oh alas, the creativity the world has missed. 

Of late though, I have been writing a lot of different things. Some are very personal, some not so much. Some are stories of my growing up, some are stories of my mom growing up, and some are stories that I just create, usually starting with a what-if scenario. None have made it to the blogosphere so far, but I am thinking I might change that. 

I am tired of writing about the world right now because words alone will not change much that is going on and unfortunately, words are about all I have. Instead, I think I am going to branch out a bit and write some stories, both fact and fiction and maybe write less about the world beyond my house and more about what goes on in my house. Trust me, we are a treasure trove of stories and craziness all on our own. 

Mostly what is going to change in the upcoming months, is that I am going to give myself some time and space to create. I love my life and all that it includes, but I need to find my way back to me again (a journey I try to take every decade or so). Right now, that means letting my creativity flow all the way to the computer and possibly even sharing it with you all. I also have some other creative things I am pursuing, but that is for another day and another blog. 

So going forward, you may be seeing more of me here and I may be asking you to chime in on my content or to even give me ideas for blog pieces. I am never above digging in and doing a little research to learn something new and write about it. Right now though, I am getting my feet wet again and finding my way back into going from point A to point Z without stalling out somewhere in the middle. 

If you like what you see, feel free to comment and if there is a topic you would like to see me cover (please no politics right now....I am politiced out) then let me know and I will try to include it in one of my blog pieces. For now, though, I wish you all a very happy Christmas/Holiday Season and hope you all stay healthy and happy as we finish up this crazy crazy year. 

Mama Weer All Crazee Now!

Politics! Again? Yep. I just can't help it as we are in an election year, in the midst of unprecedented partisan impeachment and people seem to have lost their minds.

This morning as I was looking at social media posts and comments, I couldn't help but think of the old Slade song, "Mama Weer All Crazee Now." We are and I think that needs to be the theme song for 2020, because when it comes to voicing our opinions on politics, that crazy ex-girlfriend comes out in all of us.

Now I am no paragon of virtue and I certainly don't pretend to be. I have my own political views and opinions and yes, the closer it gets to the election, especially with all this impeachment stuff going on, it does get harder and harder to not verbally explode all over the place. My saving grace is a private social media political page where it is all about politics and therefore verbal explosions are expected. Still, from time to time I can't help but make a post on my personal page or that of a like minded friends when the political craziness gets to much. Other than that though, I try to keep my personal Facebook page focused on the positive, because honestly, there is still much good in the world....we just currently have to look a little harder.

I think the saddest thing that has come from this new political era that we have come into is the brash idea that there is only room for one opinion and that if someone has other opinions, that it is somehow your right to "stalk" them into seeing things your way. It appears to be part of this new world of entitlement. You are entitled to your opinion and beliefs but no one else is. Again....yes, I have plenty of opinions and from my view, my beliefs are correct, but I am not entitled enough to believe that I am 100% right all the time and that there aren't other sides and view points to any given issue or topic. I am always interested in hearing respectful opinions. They don't necessarily change my view, but they do make me think and possibly even understand why others come to the beliefs and opinions they have. It's called being an adult who has respect for others whether I agree or not. Sadly though, many have lost the ability to accept that others can disagree and still be worthy of respect. While I know many with this current view, one in particular comes to mind.

It is easy to understand in this day and age that younger people, especially millennials have trouble accepting others views, after all they are the generation of thinking that they are the center of the universe, therefore they are right about everything from eating tide pods to the belief that they are somehow entitled to all things free. It is however a little surprising, not to mention off putting when you have a grown adult who is my age, acting with this same immature outlook. Now don't get me wrong, believe as you will, but when you are trying to force your beliefs on others, as someone who is supposed to be an educated and mature adult, then there seems to be a deep seated need for either attention, to be constantly right or simply to harass those who think for themselves and not as you.

There is a person I have known many years who seems to be falling into the millennial maturity well into their 50's and I seem to be their target for stalking or harassment or possibly it is just as simple as they need to be the loudest voice in the room. Whatever the case, I am kind of at a loss. This individual and I have never been what you would call "friends," but I have been friends with members of their family. At one time in fact, I had quite a bit of respect for this individual as early on, they had to make some tough choices in life. As adults we have been social media friends and although our politics are polar opposites, I have enjoyed their posts and comments on mine, simply because you can learn even if you don't agree. Recently though, this person has taken to coming to my social media and trying to call me out for my posts, political or otherwise. Of late, it almost feels like a stalking situation, where this person just waits for me to posts just so they can tell me what "horeshit" or "crap" my post is.

Now, I usually can keep my inside voice in check and am respectful to just about anyone. Not too long ago though, I did fire back pretty heavily at this person on one of my posts that they decided to critique with all the tact of a drunken sailor on leave. I will never blatantly insult a person, call names or be hateful, but pushed far enough, I will bluntly tell you what I think of  your post and your position. I did just that. I am also not a back down kind of person. If you start something....I will finish it. It apparently pushed buttons on this person that I had no idea about and opened the door to them having to comment on the most absurd things on my page. Depending on my mood, some days it amuses me and other days, I am just perplexed as to why this person would waste precious time in such a silly way.

Another friend and I were laughing about it the other day and she asked why I didn't just unfriend this person? What a great question. For some reason, I almost feel that maybe I'm the only one that will spar with this person. Maybe that is what they need, just conversation....good, bad or indifferent. We all know they old saying, "For some, bad attention is better than no attention at all." Now some would say that this is reaching on my part, but is it? You would think as much "BS" as they think I post, that it would drive them to the point of simply unfriending me. Heck, I have been blocked for a whole heck of a lot less, and yet there they sit....watching, waiting and ready to reply. As Dr. Phil always says, you stay in a situation...even a bad one, because there is some payoff in it. Obviously this person and I are both politically crazy enough, that we get something from this whole little polar opposite dance.

The funny thing is, I am not the only one going through this. A couple of other "out spoken" friends of mine, have their own version of this dance going on with political opposites too. What the heck is wrong with us? Has politics brought us to the point where we bait, stalk and spend precious time playing stupid back and forth games while our friends watch to catch the next episode of, "Who bested who?"

I can tell you that writing this was extremely good therapy. Reading back over it, I don't feel good about myself as a human being on any level right now, as I am as guilty as this other person for allowing the silliness to continue. Yes, Mama.....weer all crazee now and admitting that is half the battle. The other half is changing back to who I know I am deep down. I can't change anyone but me, but I can change me and how I act and react to silliness.

Sometimes you say more, when you simply say nothing at all. We'll see if I am capable of that. And with that....I'll leave you with this:

Quick Reactions and Lynyrd Skynyrd

I think the only thing that will be long about this month.....was last night! I had to break down and turn on the air (it was 90 degrees in the house) and even with the air on....it was still fairly warm. I tossed and I turned all night. I woke up at least four times and today I am tired. Still and all, I much prefer this weather over cloudy, chilly and dreary. Of course.....unless it was a constant 75 degrees during the day and about 55 at night with only a breeze (no gale force winds)....I will always find fault with the weather.

I found a cool new (new to me) thing for my blog. You know I am always about what people think of my blogs, but lets face it....not everyone wants to write a three page comment at the bottom of the page....so I found these "quick reactions" that I have now attached to each blog. Rather than have to actually comment you can just check a quick reaction box. Don't get me wrong....I still want your comments, emails and messages if you so choose to give them......but if not, you now have a quick alternative. As I said...they are new to me. I have seen other bloggers using these for awhile and when I read their blogs I always try to check a quick reaction box as it is always nice to know that people were actually there and had even a quick opinion of your blog. It simply took me until last night to figure out how to add them to my blog. You know.....the whole technically challenged thing and all! So anyway.....I look forward to seeing what you think....and as always....be kind....I have a fragile ego.....NOT!

Yesterday didn't turn out too bad. I accomplished all the phone calls and bill paying that I needed to, but the pool did not get opened. And of all days.....yesterday would have been perfect. The guy who does it got held up, but I was assured he would be out today. I sure hope so as that is where I plan to spend all my evenings and weekends from now until late September. In fact I plan to get more use out of that pool this year than we have in the 30+ years we have had it. There may even be a few bbq/pool parties this summer. You just never can tell!

Well....today will be another busy one filled with all the fun and craziness that is my life. There is actually a whole lot more crazy than there is fun, but oh well. I have Davids IEP and drs. appts., cheesecakes and of course.....work! I am really not sure how I actually find time for work, but I am thinking my boss is happy that I do! And if I play my cards right and the pool guy comes.....there may even be pool time later on. That may just push fun way ahead of crazy today!

Today I am going to end this blog with a song of nostalgia for me. I have always loved Lynyrd Skynyrd and that love has never changed. As a kid summer would not be summer without going to a party, sitting on a tailgate, or laying by the pool and listening to Sweet Home Alabama. So today....I leave you with the great Lynyrd Skynyrd and a song to get your summer started!

Thanking Soldiers.....and Welcome to Monday

I would like to begin today's blog by thanking our military. They do so much and honestly....get so little in return for keeping us safe and making sure that our freedom stays in tact. Last night....it was proclaimed loud and clear that Osama Bin Laden had been killed and that his body was in American hands. Much of the media talk was about credit. Was it the Bush Administration who deserved the credit or the Obama Administration? Possibly it was a joint effort? Wrong on all accounts. Neither administration should take the credit. The credit belongs soley to our military. If not for them.... Bin Laden would still be at large.

Although many throughout the world are rejoicing that this terrorist of mass proportions is dead, I have to wonder what this means. Is the world suddenly a safer place with his demise or are there many others out there just waiting to take his place and come after us with a vengeance? Granted...we cannot fear retaliation when doing what is right....but even being right has it's pitfalls and I do fear that we have not heard the last from Al qaeda. I hope with all my heart that our current administration pulls national security in tightly and keeps their eyes and ears open for some time to come. Perhaps though....maybe this is the beginning of the end for this particular terrorist regime. Maybe the infrastructure will start to crumble with the taking of this leader. This nation can only hope. All I know for sure is....he is dead and we have the brave men and women of our military to thank. Thank you one and all!

And now....on to our regularly scheduled Monday.   
 

Welcome to a new week! And so it begins! I was right Friday when I said I thought the weekend would fly by. It did....in record time. I started cleaning Friday night. I cleaned all day Saturday (at least the part that I wasn't out running) and from the time I got home from church Sunday (after blogging of course), until almost bedtime last night. I am not doing the kiss and promise type cleaning either....I am doing the full on move every piece of furniture, take down every curtain kind. I will NOT leave for MO or any place else and know that I am coming home to a dirty house. I wouldn't enjoy one second of my trip knowing that dust bunnies would be greeting me on my arrival home.

I think I might have mentioned a time or two about how much I hate to clean....and the only thing I hate worse is a dirty house. Crazy....right? A dirty house just drives me to the brink of insanity....causing me in turn....to drive everyone else there. I have been trying to justify hiring someone to come in and clean for me, but I just haven't quite made it there yet. I have several that have said they would do it, but the financial justification hasn't quite hit my complete and total frustration yet. I am sure however....that soon....very soon, the two will meet head on.

Aside from cleaning this weekend, there were other things going on. Z had his Esprit tryouts Friday night and he will know tonight whether he made it or not. Saturday he had state choir competition where they came out with a 1 (the highest score you can get). Z was so excited. Tonight is Catapalooza. It is the high school spring concert. Z has a special act where he does a solo. He is doing The Mortician's Daughter by Black Veil Brides. It is actually a beautiful song and he is being backed up by two really talented kids. I plan on recording it and if my camera skills are good enough...I might just share. Of course....technology and I are seldom friends....so we will have to see what happens. Oh.... and did I mention......I am over half way to being a REAL blogger. LOL I have over 5000 blog views. Take that Miss Blog Snob! Now if I can just get to 1000 postings! snicker

We are now officially in the last month of school. WOW! It seems like school just started and then we jumped to Christmas.....now it is May! If I thought time zoomed by up until now....I best be holding onto my hat because things are really taking off from here. Between the tons of cheesecakes I am doing (graduation, communion and confirmation....with a bridal shower thrown in for good measure), we also have a couple of graduations to go to, finals, the spring play, David's IEP, and getting this trip planned for MO. Throw into all of this finishing up cleaning my house, getting my yard in shape....oh.....and work and I may just have to cut out sleeping until June. I am thinking that is the only way to fit it all into the limited time I have. It makes me tired just thinking about it! Sigh!

Today is suppose to be cloudy and chilly. Maybe not as bad as yesterday....but still not very springy. I know I should quit weather complaining.....because before long it is going to be a 100 degrees with 80% humidity and that isn't going to make me happy either. I am just tired of the drearies. And when we don't have the drearies....then we have 60 mph winds which continue to threaten my fence, my potted plants and all the branches in my already precariously old trees. Of course....this is typical KS weather and being that I have lived in KS the better part of my life.....I probably should be pretty familiar with the hit and miss weather patterns of the state. Still....a few high 70 degree days with only a light breeze and abundant sunshine would be glorious and a great boost to my sagging emotional status. Ahhhh well!

It didn't take much thought when it came to today's video. Number one.....I am a huge Trace Adkins fan....and let's just say he isn't too bad to look at either. I guess you know you have made it as a star when you get to star in a video with the Muppets. This video makes me laugh every time I see it. So have a wonderful Monday as I leave you with Trace Adkins and Brown Chicken Brown Cow!