The Last Sunday in February

It is the last Sunday in February and according to the immediate/long term (next 15 days) forecast, winter seems to be over and spring time is well on its way. If my allergies are any indication, I would say the forecast seems correct.

So far this new year has been full and yet for some reason, I feel as if I have been standing still. Of course I haven't, although I try to be as lazy as I can every chance I get, but those times get fewer and fewer.

Mixed in with with the usual and the valiant attempts at laziness, there has also been much loss in 2016 for the world in general and also much closer to my own heart. Some have been expected and several have left a gaping hole and the ever present question.....why?! I hate loss.

Then there has been home.

Since David has done home bound school for the last few months, my house has felt small and closed in with equipment and school stuff scattered in the main living space. Add to the mix, more people than usual coming in and out, and it has been down right claustrophobic. Then in the midst of all the chaos, Z decided we needed a furniture rearrangement. He was feeling closed in too. Unfortunately, it was the wrong move at the wrong time. It just closed us in more. Don't ever let anyone tell you that your surroundings don't affect your mood. Luckily for all involved, home bound school is at its end and soon my house will no longer be doubling as a school. Even luckier is that I have worked very hard to keep my jovial persona.....even when I felt anything but jovial,

Speaking of school.....David starts back tomorrow. He will now be attending high school and my heart and head have so many mixed feelings and emotions about this move. It is what is best for him since his seizures appear to be under control and I know he is sick of seeing MOM all day everyday. We both need the break and he needs the socialization, but I have yet to even begin working through this move. It is huge in any parent/child's life, but especially so in ours. So instead of trying to put the effort into processing any of this stuff, I am rearranging furniture. There is also the loading up, cleaning out.....and of course.....blogging. That's all healthy.....right?!

Yes, my head has been full of "things" and as I sat down to write, I had no idea which of those "things" would jump to the surface and end up on the page. Lucky for you it was this. Some of the other things in my head are much darker and a lot less politically correct. So....your welcome!

Okay....so tomorrow starts a new normal for me, which will be interrupted by spring break and then in a blink of an eye.....summer. But for now, I am just looking towards tomorrow and the week ahead. There is much to do, much to organize and much to mentally process. My baby is in high school! It just doesn't seem possible, and yet here we are. Where has the time gone? Lord! I sound like my mother. Sigh........

Does this mean I am back to blogging? Perhaps. But just remember......be careful what you wish for, cause you just might get it! Till we meet again. Happy Sunday!

Laura

Sometimes things happen in our lives that we simply have no words for. Granted, very few of those things have happened in my life, as I always seem to have words, but there are those rare occasions..... This week I was hit with one.

Since Tuesday, one thought, one face, one person, has stayed very close to my heart and my mind. Laura! The thoughts have been there, but no words. I have sat back and watched the world change overnight from a world with Laura in it, to a world where we will only see her face and hear her voice in the memories that linger behind her. I was almost to the point where I didn't think there would ever be words to describe this unbelievable force of nature who could make you laugh and yes....even cry at her will, until I was driving home this morning from buying a sky blue shirt in which to wear to her final good bye. Then the words hit me....and here I sit.

Laura truly was a force of nature and I have known her for the better part of 40 years. She and I had a love/hate relationship growing up. She loved to tease me, scare me and embarrass me....and I hated not knowing what she would do to me each time I walked into that house on Greenwich. In retrospect, Laura would never have frozen "my" underwear at a sleepover or made me help her push a car with a dead battery down a dirt road or embarrass me in Foods class every chance she got, if in fact, she didn't at least like me a little. At least this is what I tell myself. Yes, I am laughing.

In later years though, Laura turned into quite a woman. She was a single mother with two beautiful daughters and two beautiful grand kids. I watched as Laura's rough edges smoothed out and I was able to glimpse what hid beneath the surface. Laura had a heart that was pure and kind and truly good.

When David had surgeries and I did cheesecake benefits, Laura was always one of the first to order and she encouraged others to do it too. When David was in the hospital or whenever I would ask for prayers, she would often send me texts of encouragement and she even stopped by to check on us a couple of times when she still lived close. There was no pretext or ulterior motive, it was just Laura's heart shining through.

Laura lost her mom a few years back and while being a blow to her entire family (she was one of 12), I always thought that she in some ways,  took it the hardest. There had always been a bond there and that loss seemed to penetrate her very being. Rather than let it destroy her though, she seemed to strive to be even better, moving in and taking care of her dad and working at being the best mother and grandmother she could be. I know her mom was proud.

In recent years, Laura seemed to have found herself and her life was a joy to watch unfold on facebook. That is where I now saw Laura as she had moved to AR and had a good job, a special guy and the devotion of her kids and grand kids. It truly was wonderful watching Laura bravely face life head on and become this really good person.

When I got the call on Tuesday, it was a gut shot. I had just the day before been looking at Laura's facebook Christmas pictures and thinking how wonderful it was that she was going into the new year so happy. There were tears. Unexpected tears and yes, I was a bit embarrassed. I knew if Laura were looking down that she would not like what she saw. Laura was not about the tears.

The last time I saw Laura was in my driveway. She had picked up cheesecakes. She was on her way to some family function or other and she told me if I could get away that I should stop by. As usual, I could not, but as she was leaving, she hugged me and  said "You are the sister I never knew I wanted." We both laughed. It was high praise though coming from Laura. Then she said, "I am proud of all you do for your kids. You are a good mom." It touched me to my heart. I was proud of Laura too, but I am not sure I said it. I wish that I had said it.

So today, we wear sky blue and we honor a free spirit, who lived by no ones rules but her own. She was an oxymoron of tenderness and toughness, who made her mark on this world and is  leaving a hole that no one could ever possibly fill. Whether you loved her or hated her, my bet is....you will never forget her. I know I won't! Quite honestly, Laura was the bravest woman I have ever known.

This Morning......

So I had an interesting conversation with my son this morning. He pointed out to me that lately I have been a bit neurotic, a lot OCD and a rather large, pain in the butt trying to micro-manage not only him but everything in the free world. His 19 almost 20 year old face was perplexed and I could tell that he was clearly irritated with my fixations on the cleanliness of the house, his where abouts and my constant and total exhaustion. It really got me to thinking.

This is not unlike other moments in our life when he and my other kids get frustrated with the fact that I repeat myself a thousand times, catch myself walking into a room only to absolutely forget why I was there or to lose complete track of what I am saying in the midst of saying it. From their perspective, I am sure they are already picking out skilled nursing facilities to put me in.

Sadly, I remember feeling these exact feelings towards my own mother. My patience with her was very low when I was in my 20's and 30's or as I like to call them, "my know it all years." It drove me to distraction that my mother called me 100 times a day to see what I was doing, that she repeated herself over and over or that she couldn't remember where her keys were, her glasses were or what she was saying in the middle of a sentence. I remember honestly wondering if she was in the early stages of Alzheimers. Now though, I know she wasn't. She was just a mom with a full plate and many years of information fighting for space in her brain.

Kids have no idea what parents, but mom's especially, hold in both their hearts and minds. Sometimes the two are very closely connected even if anatomy tells us differently. Mom's are usually the center of the home and the place where all security, information and need is tossed with the knowledge that Mom will handle it. If Mom is the only parent in the home, she also becomes Dad and is solely responsible for everything both good and bad that happens. It is a daunting, sometimes unforgiving and unappreciated role, because it is simply taken for granted that Mom can do it all....mentally and physically. And most of the time....we can, but not without the consequences of things such as looking for our glasses when they are perched on our head or frantically looking for our phones as we are talking on them. This is always followed by the eye roll and obvious questioning of our mental health from our kids.

At any given moment my brain is running at full tilt thinking of all the things I have to do for the kids, for the house, for David especially. I have to think about and worry about bills and finances and then throw in the problems of the people I love, things others come to me with and the many small things that are just everyday life and there is a lot that fills my heart and my brain daily. Sometimes I am exhausted and ready for a nap before my feet ever hit the floor in the morning. Then there are those things that kids simply have no understanding of such as parents worrying about their kids health, their futures and their safety. That is not something a parent can turn off, although there are times we surely would like to. Our kids are our hearts and until you have a child, you never understand that tie that will bind you until one of you leaves this earth. Add in the speed bumps of health, family issues, doctors appointments, holidays, jobs and the scheduling that keeps us going from one daily event to another and it is a complete miracle that a mothers head doesn't explode at least once, on a daily basis.

Yes, I forget that I have asked you if you have fed the dogs for the third time, but I can remember every medicine David takes, the exact dosage and the date and hour of his last seizure. Yes, maybe I am OCD about my house. Why? Because I can control how my house looks, but I can't control that someone I care about is hurting, that I may not always be able to provide a roof for my children or that if my car quits working I can't afford another one. Yes, maybe I say lets clean together, cook together or watch a movie together....A LOT.....because I know...one day very soon you will be gone and so will this moment in time. And yes, maybe I want to know where you are and what you are doing because it gives me some peace in the moment and sometimes that is really all this mother needs.

So yes, I am neurotic, OCD and micromanaging as hell! I am not however crazy, psychotic or ready for the home. I am simply a mother with a mothers brain.....and someday God willing, you will understand.

Why?

So, I have been torn of late being on Facebook. It is truly hard to scroll through the comments and feel as if the world as I once knew it, has been pulled from under my feet. I question, "Is it me who has suddenly lost my way, or is it the world?" It brings to mind many questions that I thought I used to know the answer to, but now I am not so sure. What used to be yes or no, right or wrong or a definite "this" over "that," now all seems muddled in political correctness and what people "want" over riding what is actually "right."

As an adult with some years without political correctness, social media, the race card or the "Me Generation" influencing my every movement, thought and every waking hour, I think I have the ability to see how skewed and upside down this world has become. However, for those who were born with a cellphone in their hand and social media giving them their opinions, they have nothing to compare the atrocities of today to, therefore....what I find appalling, they simply view as their status quo. It scares me, and not just a little bit.

This generation has the ability to have knowledge in the palm of their hand and at the click of a button, but they have no ability to think. We have become a mob mentality society and we have lost our common sense. We are appalled to the point of ruining someones life for killing a lion in Africa, but we have no issue with human babies being aborted up to the 9th month right here in the United States and their organs being sold for money. Why?

It is okay to say that black lives matter, but it is disrespectful and racist to say that white lives matter too. Why?

You are a homophobe and practically black balled if you post a Straight Pride photo on your Facebook page, but applauded and held in high esteem if you wave a rainbow flag. Why?

Christianity and Christians are losing their rights and in many cases being persecuted for their beliefs. Clergy are being told what they can say and how they can say it so as not to "offend" others. Yet, satanists, Muslims and atheists are not held to these standards. Why?

A black person kills a white person(s) and it is pretty much business as usual. However, a white person kills a black person and the media is all over it. Black leaders band together and black communities begin to riot and tear up everything in their view. Why?

We spank/discipline our children and we risk SRS involvement and losing our kids, and yet true child abuse victims run through the system over and over and ultimately are returned to their abusive situations until they finally end up dead. Why?

When did it become okay to disgrace, defile and destroy the American flag? What's more, it is acceptable to put pictures of such behavior on social media. Why?

The examples go on and on but the question remains the same. Why?

Why are people no longer treated equally regardless of race, creed, color or sex? Why do we seem to value animal life above human life? Why is it wrong for a person to work hard and take care of their family, but okay for those who can work but don't, to live off the government at tax payers expense? Why is it okay to ignore the Constitution, our soldiers and our Vets, but okay to take care of those living illegally in our country? Why is it okay to openly worship Allah, satan or bash Christians, but God's name is found to be offensive? Again I ask why?

Since I have laid out the why's, I will end this by asking two more questions and leave the answers up to you.

So...how are we going to fix this? And....when are we going to say.....enough is enough?

Gay Marriage, Gay Kids and the Whole Gay Issue

You may have noticed of late that I have been conspicuously absent from the blogosphere. Life, illness and.....did I mention LIFE, have all been taking over and blogging time has been non-existent. OR maybe I was just tired of posting quantity vs. quality. I am not sure but I was burnt out and I felt my voice and my thoughts were being drowned out by the constant noise that is our current world.

Then today, gay marriage was legalized in all 50 states. This is on the heals of the Confederate flag debate, the Charleston shootings and Obama claiming the White House to be "his house." It's a lot and my mind is reeling. Of course I have an opinion on each and every one of those issues, but today I felt the need to write about only one of them.

I have been forming words in my head about this issue for awhile and I am sure some of my readers and even my friends and family may have strong opinions about what I have to say. It may even compel you to chastise me, unfriend me, block me or even hate me. I hope not as I am still the same person I have always been, I am just trying to find some sane in all the crazy and I guess I am once again, taking you along for the ride. Buckle up!

My mother was a nurse who graduated nursing school in 1956. Back then in order to become a nurse you had to do a period of time working in all specialties of nursing. She told me that when she did her time in psychiatric nursing....way back then, many of her patients were gays. That's right! That was their mental ailment. At that time, homosexuality was considered a mental disorder and often those who bucked the system and allowed the world to know their true sexual orientation, ended up in psychiatric care. Homosexuality was viewed as immoral, predatory and yes.....a mental disorder. At that time it was not so much a religious issue but it was viewed more as how we view bi-polar disorders or schizophrenia today. (Funny little side note: Diagnosis's such as cerebral palsy and autism were also considered "diseases" which ended people up in institutions and mental hospitals.) Why? Because they were not viewed as mainstream "normal."

Move ahead to the last decades of the 20th century..... and the medical field started realizing that homosexuality was not a medical malady. It was not a disease that needed treatment, but rather a human trait much like the color of someones skin or their ethnicity. Homosexuality was not in fact a choice that someone made spurred on by environment or mental status, but homosexuality was the way someone was born. Like heterosexuals are born to be attracted both physically and mentally to the opposite sex (we simply can't help it), homosexuals are born to be attracted both physically and mentally to the same sex (they can't help it either). And quite frankly, knowing the world we live in, the harshness of peoples opinions and the actual abuse that has been thrown at homosexuals, who would actually choose that life if they had another choice? 

I have in the past commented on homosexuality, but not until recently have I really thought about it. This is likely because I didn't think it really affected my life. I was wrong. In my world, in my small town, in my church, my friends group and even in my extended family, they are there. Some have sat back quietly trying to live their lives as inconspicuously as possible not wanting that small part of their life to be how the world judges them. Others, tired of hiding who they are for the sake of family, friends and in some cases their own safety, are boldly stepping out and finding their way in the world. I am seeing parents....good Christian parents....struggling to come to terms because they find out that their child is gay and they are walking a precarious line of trying to support their child while dealing with the backlash and judgment from family and friends who see "sin" instead of a child.

I know of kids right in my community even in our enlightened age, who have struggled with not only trying to understand why they aren't like the other kids, but having to deal with abuse and bullying from both other kids and adults. This has led to suicide attempts and both self abuse and self medication just to deal with something they have no control over and yet feel like they are somehow bad because of. No child should have to feel like that. Yes, this issue affects me and I think it affects us all. So today, when gay marriage passed, I thought it was time to say something.

How do I feel about gays, gay marriage and the such? As I said, I have gay friends and family. They are no different than myself. They get up in the morning, go to work, take care of families and live their lives. Many go to church, volunteer in their communities and a few have even proudly served their country. Believe it or not, I even know a couple of gays who are even more conservative than I am. Most want nothing more than anyone else. They want to live their lives without the world judging them. They want to fall in love, get married and have families. They basically want to be treated just like you and I do. No fuss, no muss and you know what......I am good with that! 

Now some of you out there I know.....just ran for the smelling salts. Others of you have grabbed your bibles and are now praying for my soul. To you, I say thank you. I need all the prayers I can get, but not over this. The Bible may not condone homosexuality, but there are many things that the Bible does not condone like divorce, lust, gluttony, lying, adultery, premarital sex and here's a biggie....judgment! And yet, many of you who stand aghast at me now, are not without at least one of these sins on a daily basis. The difference between these sins and homosexuality is: God did not make us so we had no choice but to divorce our spouse, force us to lust after others, eat everything in our sight or lie. He did not make us so that we would cheat, force us to judge or make it so that we had no choice but to have sex outside of marriage, but.........He did make gays, just who they are, same sex attraction and all. So I ask, if being gay is a sin along with all the rest of the sins, then whose sin is greater and who but God has the right to judge that? I do believe that along with all the things the Bible tells us not to do, one of the greatest messages it brings forth is that we are to love...not judge....one another.

All this being said, I do take exception to those gays who feel the need to constantly fill me in on their sex lives and remind me that they are gay. I have always been of the mind that I won't tell you about my sex life if you don't tell me about yours. Gay or straight, what you do behind closed doors is absolutely none of my business and who you do or don't sleep with is not a prerequisite to how I view you as a person. I am also not fond of those who feel that gay pride is somehow more important than straight pride. A while back I mentioned to someone that I thought straight pride was just as important as gay pride and I was told that my statement verged on hate speech. Not cool. Perhaps though, we need to forget gay/straight pride and just have American pride or human pride. The very fact that we need to have divided pride in who we love speaks volumes about both sides.

The gay issue and gay marriage is not going away, especially not after today. So I ask those of you who view gays and gay marriage as sinful to remember that Jesus Himself was not fond of stone throwers and perhaps if we spent more time worrying about our own sins and less time worrying about others, our hands and hearts would be too busy to worry about who was sleeping with or marrying whom. I also ask you to remember that homosexuality is not a disease and that who people love and have sex with is only a fraction of who they are as a person. In fact, I would almost bet that there are those of you who have known, liked and even respected gays in your life and never even knew they were gay. So if you found out that they were attracted to their own sex, slept with their own sex or married their own sex would that suddenly change who they are in your eyes and how you felt about them as people? If your answer is yes, then that says much more about your sin than it does about theirs.

Also, please remember that there are families out there affected by this issue every day. They shouldn't be, but they are because the world says if you have a gay child....you did something wrong, they did something wrong and somehow your family deserves to be judged by family, friends and even complete strangers. I can imagine nothing harder for a devout Christian parent than to find out their child is gay. Not because they feel that their child is somehow a pariah, evil or a sinner, but because no parent wants to see their child suffer....and in the world we live in, few can come out without the world judging them, abusing them and hurting them. No parent wants that for their child for when your child is in pain...so are you. In my opinion, there is no greater Christian, than a parent who is given a child by God, who stands behind that child in the face of family and friends in support of that child...gay or straight. To my friends with gay kids....I stand in awe of your strength.

So....gay marriage passed and Lisa wrote a blog. Some would say that today was a pretty good day!

The Other Side of the Moon (In Memory of Jerry Newhouse)

I have said before, I come from a large extended family with many cousins, second cousins and so on. As a family, we are close when we are in the same space, but when we pack up and leave that space, we go back to our separate lives. Don't get me wrong, we care about each other and through social media, we keep in touch but through distance and years, the opportunities to share space only come along sporadically. This has always been the way we have done it, as all of us are scattered all over the country, but with time and age, I am starting to realize what we all might be missing.

Yesterday I got a text from the daughter of one of my first cousins. It let me know that my cousin Jerry Newhouse, had just passed away. My heart sank as it felt as if someone had just squarely punched me in the gut and taken all my air away. His death was not unexpected as he had been battling cancer off and on for several years. In the past weeks he had grown weaker and his cancer had grown stronger making the prognosis inevitable. Still though, we hoped. We prayed that there would be a turn around....that final Hail Mary play. It didn't come.

I spent the rest of yesterday thinking about my cousin and how he had touched my life. This was something I had been doing a lot of lately.

Growing up, us first cousins saw each other seldom. Since Oklahoma was home base for all our get-togethers and reunions, those were about the only times we got together. There was always the initial awkward, getting reacquainted time and then within minutes, we were all best buddies....playing in the yard, taking walks on the road or just hanging out by the barn. We bonded, we hung out and then we said good bye until the next time. Some of the kids would visit each others homes during the summer and some of us became avid pen pals, but sadly.....that was the extent of our closeness growing up.

In the late 1970's, my grandfather became ill and was hospitalized. It was touch and go for awhile and my mom decided to pack my brother and I up and go to Oklahoma City where my grandfather was hospitalized. We ended up staying with my aunt and uncle and their three boys in the city. I remember feeling a bit out of my element at first with all these boys. Their youngest son was younger than me and the other two boys were older. The house was filled with "boy" stuff and I had no idea what I was going to do. Immediately though, my cousin Jerry who was about nine years older than me made me feel at home. He gave me free reign over the family record player and introduced me to the group ABBA. With nothing else to do, I played that record a million times over. He and the other boys teased me constantly in a good natured way and in the evenings they sat around and taught me how to play a multitude of card games. What could have been an excruciatingly uncomfortable time for all of us, turned out to be a lot of fun. As Grandpa became stable enough for us to go home, I felt really sad to be leaving these cousins behind. Knowing this, Jerry came up to me as I walked out the door and said, "We have decided to make you our honorary sister." I can't begin to tell you how special that made me feel.

After that, I saw Jerry and the boys from time to time at the occasional reunion and family funerals. Then about 1992, I decided to head to Oklahoma for a few days. Life was closing in and I was confused about many things and I simply needed a change of pace. I stayed in my Grandpa's old house on the farm with my aunt. There was something about that farm that just made me feel at peace. Although I had never lived or grown up there, it felt like home.

At the time Jerry was the judge in the little town of Hinton and on hearing that I was at the farm, he came out for dinner after court. We laughed and talked around the table until Aunt Margaret shooed us outside so she could clean up. I remember us sitting on the picnic table in the yard and him asking me point blank what was going on. I had not said anything about anything being wrong and I was caught off guard by his directness. It caught me by such surprise that the words just came flying out. I sat there and told him what I was going through, what I was feeling and my inability to get my life figured out. I felt about ten years old as I fought back the tears all the while wondering what he must be thinking of me. Then as direct as before, he said to me, "Okay, you know what the problem is, now how are you going to fix it?"  He was direct, but there was no judgement and no disrespect.

The question silenced me. All the words stopped. Then he put his arm around my shoulder and said, "As your honorary big brother, I say you have the answers to your questions. I have every faith that you know exactly what to do and where to go from here. You just have to believe in you." Those words were the first time I really felt like someone saw me as an adult and had faith in my ability to act as an adult. He didn't try to give me answers. He knew that deep down, I already had them. I didn't figure out all the answers that night, but his words definitely gave me the confidence to put myself on the right track.

He then talked a little about what was going on in his life. Like all of us he had hit rough patches and yet he was weathering the storms well. Then out of the blue he said, "See the moon?" It was an amazing moon that night. It was full and it illuminated the dark country sky. Looking up at it, he continued, "Do you ever wonder what is on the other side of that moon?" Honestly, I had never thought about it. He continued, "It is beautiful. How can we have any real problems when we get to look at something like that?" We sat there for awhile just looking up and then he said, "Someday I will know what is on the other side and if it as pretty as it is here tonight." Those words stuck with me and seldom have I seen a full moon that I haven't thought of Jerry saying that.

After that night, we did keep in touch by phone on occasion and email from time to time. When his mom (my aunt died), I went to her funeral and visited his dad once when he was sick. When Tim died, I spoke at his funeral. I remember looking into the faces of those who were there to honor my husband and there sat Jerry. It touched my heart.

In the last few years, we have communicated some by email but most of our communication has been through his daughter as she did social media and he did not. I kept up on his health through her and he kept up on my life through my blogs.

His health began to start declining about two years ago. Then his daughter became engaged and it became his mission to walk her down the aisle. That beautiful day came for both of them and he got to give his baby girl to a man who he knew would love her and take care of her. It was a day that I know gave Jerry both great joy and great peace.

Since that day, the cancer in him progressed. For awhile he tried to aggressively fight it with surgery and chemo. The doctors then told him that best case scenario he had just a few years. From that point it quickly went to months, then weeks and then days. In the last few weeks as he was released from the hospital and able to go home under hospice care, he and I texted. I sent him pictures and he would reply when he was up to it. We knew it was coming. I was bracing myself and yet all the while, trying to get comfortable in denial, but the reality won out.

Today I read his obituary and I realized that there was so much I didn't know about this man. He was a lawyer, a judge a VISTA with Americorps and a social worker. These last few years he had been helping those in need. I couldn't help but think as I read it, that he had been helping those in need most of his life. As his last contribution to this world, he was leaving his body to science for cancer research. That made me cry.

So this cousin who had such an effect on my life not once, but several times over the years....is gone. I wonder if he knew how he had helped me and what being his honorary sister meant to me? I don't think I ever told him. I truly regret that.

Now, tonight as I look up at the moon, I am listening to ABBA and thinking of you. I am smiling through tears, because I know, now you know......what it looks like....... on the other side of the moon.

And Then There Was One

Kids! Sigh......

It has been a bit since my last blog post and apparently it has been long enough that a few have started to notice. In the last week I keep getting asked the same thing over and over again....."Why aren't you blogging?" Why? Please refer to the first word of the first line. Kids!

When we bring the little buggers into the world, we simply fall in love. Everything they do from their first smile to their first poop is magical. The way they drool, squench their nose or even fart makes us over the moon proud and we are powerless not to fall in love even more with every passing second. I have long been of the mind that God has a sense of humor and one of His biggest jokes is giving us our children as babies, because only He knows, that if He gave them to us as full on teenagers.....most of us would give them back within a week. 

As these kids grow, even though they try our patience at times, we are enraptured with their first words, first steps and first kisses. These things alone seem to counteract our view of the tantrums, moments of stubbornness and flat out refusals to listen.

By the time the kids hit their teen years though, the cuteness has worn thin as attitude, hormones and outside influences start taking a hold of our precious little angels. Suddenly the parent/child relationship starts looking more like a battle of Us against Them. Us being the ones who are so uncool, so out of touch and so stupid that they are amazed we can dress ourselves and Them being cool, technologically savvy and wise beyond their teenage years.

In my experience, their brilliance lasts until the real world punches them in the throat and they suddenly realize that parents have a little more going for them than just being their own personal ATM. The day that a child wakes up and realizes that their parents weren't uncool....they were simply busy being a parent, nor were they out of touch...they knew a whole lot more than they let on and in fact.....were quite smart....juggling a household, bills and kids and making it look easy...that is they day the Us against Them ends and we as parents can breathe a sigh of relief and know we have done our job.

I have gotten to this stage with three of the five. Of course I had little to do with how great the older two turned out, but I like to think I helped. Do they have all the answers? No and the beauty is.....they know it. Realizing you aren't as smart as you thought you were is a huge sign of maturity. However, I still have two to get to this point. Thus my lack of blogging. Keeping my sanity, dignity and self respect while working to the end goal of raising an honest, respectable, respectful human.....can at times, be trying. Doing it on your own.....well that can be overwhelming.

Sometimes as parents, we have to stand back and let go. Our wisdom may tell us they aren't ready, but there comes a time when their life becomes their choice. We are there.

And then......there was one.