Activism, Changing the World and Finding Common Ground

Activism has been taking a step out of the dark and showing itself in the light of day, in my town of late. From adults to high school students, people have been letting their voices be heard on issues, and in several cases, they have had to step out of their comfort zones and risk community backlash and school fallout, all in the name of standing up for what they feel is right. Regardless of our personal feelings on any given issue, how can we not support the right of free speech and activism, when someone is brave enough to let their voice be heard in the name of doing what they think is right?

Maybe it is that we are spending more time on the internet and social media. Maybe it is that we have lost a year in lockdown. And maybe it is that since 2008 we have gotten way more political. I am not sure what all goes into it, but the fact is, if you look at social media, and even the world around you, and it seems that EVERYONE is an activist of some sort these days. 

Not a day goes by that you don't see posts supporting or decimating the left or the right. Wearing masks and quarantining has become a huge hot button. Literally, everyone has a position on masks and if you have an opinion on the subject and speak it openly one way or another, you will quickly find out just who your opposition is. 

From kneeling at sporting events and racism to LGBTQ+ issues and abortion, social media has given everyone a voice, but what do we do with that voice? Are we using our voice and our activism for the good? Are we making the world a better place with our right to free speech, or are we steadily stomping it into the ground because we forget that our voice is not the only voice, our beliefs are not the only beliefs and our opinions are not the only opinions. We don't listen anymore. We don't hear, we don't show respect for other points of view and at the end of the day, we simply don't care about anyone's voice but our own? I think we forget that when we stop listening and refuse to hear, then we stop learning, and when we stop learning, we cease having an educated opinion, and thus.....we can't change a damn thing. 

Now, I will be the first one to admit, that this world has issues. Some of them could be catastrophic if they aren't worked on and fixed, but how do you fix something when no one can agree on what the fix needs to be and just how to go about that fix? Well, according to millions of social media users, you go online and you name call, insult, and degrade each other, and I guess, hope that the loudest most obnoxious voice wins. If however, you decided to take your views to the streets, then you demand change by wrecking, destroying, and threatening. Neither way seems to be working and our world is still a mess and getting worse. 

The fact is, for every group trying to find a fix, whether I agree with them or not, they have a grievance and they feel unheard, disrespected and they are angry and frustrated, and at the end of the day, even if our viewpoints are different, they do deserve to be heard. Just think, someone does not have to agree with pro-life views, but if those with differing opinions just stopped and respectfully listened and actually heard pro-life individuals respectfully give their views, then there still might not be agreement, but there just might be a little more understanding and respect on both sides. Notice that respect always plays a key role in this. 

It is that way with any two-sided issue. I don't care what the issue is, at the very least, there is always room for improvement and at the most, an issue may need a complete overhaul. That won't happen though unless all involved can agree on what the problems are, the goals they are working towards, and the path they wish to take to get the greatest desired results. It also means that they may not have all the answers and so if they are willing to listen and learn, they may actually gain some useful information from very unexpected places. 

There are literally as many world, country, state, and city, community causes, and issues as there are humans living on this earth. Many of them could have a huge positive impact on us if we worked to unify rather than divide and if we treated each other as respected equals regardless of whether we agreed on everything, what we looked like, how we prayed, how much money we had, where our ancestors came from, who we sleep with or what our sex is. 

Now I have never been a get out and carry a sign type activist. For one, my life is really not ideally set up for such time investment away from home, and two, I have always found that I do my best work with my words and a little behind the scenes maneuvering. In other words, I don't necessarily need to be seen in order to be heard and get my voice out there. There is also a somewhat better chance of my voice and my message being heard if it's in the written word. This is not to say though, that there isn't a time and place for a truly peaceful protest on occasion, or to make your presence known at a town hall or school board meeting. We need to remember though, that you can't expect others to hear your message of positive change when your actions are nothing but negative. 

So how do we change things? How do we start making this world and our own little piece of it better? We listen. We start showing respect for each other. We accept that we don't all have to think alike or agree, we just have to be willing to look for common ground. We don't need to destroy or riot to fix things. We don't have to degrade or insult other people or viewpoints just to get our point across, and a hugely important fact, no matter what we think.....we aren't always right. So let's start small. Often real change comes from the smallest seed and it can start right at home. 

Let's start with our kids. Let's teach them to be kind. Let's teach them to identify when there is a need and to act upon it and help others. Let's teach them to pick up the trash at the park instead of walking past it or adding to it. Let's teach them that regardless of what is going on in the world, that the foundation of this country is freedom and we are so blessed to be one of the few countries in the world to have such freedom. Let's teach them to be proud of who they are and where they come from and that we are all different in our own way and those differences should be celebrated and respected. Let's teach them that the important things are character, hard work, and the desire to achieve. Let's teach them that while we may all be created equal, that at times life is simply not fair. Sometimes we have to pull up our big kid pants, deal with the circumstances at hand, and move forward. Let's teach them that it's not the easy things in life that make us stronger, but the really hard things that do. Let's teach them that in real life, no one gets a participation trophy. You have to work hard for and earn everything you get but it is oh so worth it. And finally, let's teach them that if they want respect, they must give respect, and first and foremost, they must respect themselves. When kids respect themselves, they seldom feel the need to disrespect or bully others.  

Now if we are fortunate enough to get these lessons out there to our kids, then already we are going to be way ahead of the game. The next step is our own neighborhoods. Check on your neighbors. If you see someone's lawn is overgrown and no one is mowing it, go check on them. Perhaps there is a reason it is overgrown. Perhaps they can use a little help. So get out there and mow it. If your neighbor loses his job, bring him groceries. Ask if he needs help writing a resume. Ask if they need help watching the kids while he is job hunting. Finally, work together to keep your neighborhood clean and safe and keep an eye on each other. A good nosey neighbor or two can do wonders to keep crime down and streets safe in most neighborhoods. 

Then take it to the community. Go to your local police stations and get to know the officers. Introduce your kids and let them know what the job of the police officer is and teach them to respect the badge and the person wearing it because they put their lives on the line every single day. Make sure that your kids understand that while yes, there are some bad people in all walks of life, that the majority of police are good and have only the best interest of the community at heart as they do their jobs. Also, make sure that you shop locally in your community and help keep your dollars where they are needed. Support local businesses and be willing to give a new struggling business more than one chance. Know who your city or community council members are as well as your local board of education. Keep up on what is going on in the community and if you disagree with something going on, then respectfully voice your opinion for change. Most importantly, show up and vote. 

For your state....pay attention to what's going on. Know your governor and your state representatives. Follow legislation in your state and keep up on issues. If there are things going on in your state government that you don't agree with, then never be afraid to email or call your state representatives. They need to hear your voice as they work for you, not the other way around. Talk to friends and neighbors in your state and make them aware of what is going on too. Let them also know how to make contact with state leaders. Change does not happen without work and sometimes that work means stepping outside your comfort zone. Again....show up and vote. 

In your country....know your senators. Always be vocal when it comes to change, no matter which side of the issue you are on. Support causes physically when possible and when it's not, a few dollars never hurts. Know the issues and keep up with what is going on in Washington D.C., and never underestimate the power of strongly worded emails and blogs. Get the facts on important issues and not just Facebook facts. Do your own research and get more than one viewpoint on any issue. Listen to what others are saying, but at the end of the day, it is okay to view a situation differently and to support those things which go along with your beliefs, morality, and ethics. Most of all, we need to remember that if we want real positive change, WE DON'T ALL HAVE TO AGREE, but we do need to respectfully find common ground from which we can grow from. That usually means that both sides have to give a little for the best interest of the common cause. And again....VOTE!

If we do these things and encourage others to do them too, it is my belief, that things will begin to change for the better and the world will begin to become a better and more positive place for all of us. 

Activism starts on the most basic level with our kids. When they are taught kindness, charity, respect for themselves and others (whether we all agree or not), and pride in themselves, their neighborhood, community, state, and country, then we have already circumvented a lot of future issues. 

Maybe part of the problem is that we see each other as rivals, competitors, and enemies. Instead, if we reached out to each other, helped each other, and were willing to listen and work with each other, we might see each other as friends, neighbors, and fellow human beings. It is much easier to find common ground with a fellow human being than it is with an enemy.

Peaceful protests, picket signs, and marching in the streets demanding our voices be heard above everyone else's is fine and it even has its place, but sometimes, the subtle little things can be even more powerful than we ever imagined. By being kind in the face of hate and disrespect, and reaching out even if the person you reach out to might not do the same for you, can have miraculous results. Voicing your opinion with respect and listening to opposing views with just as much respect, and remembering that each of us is a human being and we all have our story and our reasons for believing as we do, now that is positive activism that can move mountains, soften hearts and make people willing to ask questions, learn and find common ground even with the toughest issues.  

So be that activist and stand strong for what you believe, but always remember that the guy on the other side of the issue is also standing strong for what he believes too, and unless we start to listen to each other, really hear each other, and are willing to give a little and work towards unity in the middle, we are going to forever remain fractured and divided on the fringe where absolutely nothing changes and nobody wins.

Until next time....I wish you peace, kindness, and the ability to always find some common ground.  

And Then There Was One

Kids! Sigh......

It has been a bit since my last blog post and apparently it has been long enough that a few have started to notice. In the last week I keep getting asked the same thing over and over again....."Why aren't you blogging?" Why? Please refer to the first word of the first line. Kids!

When we bring the little buggers into the world, we simply fall in love. Everything they do from their first smile to their first poop is magical. The way they drool, squench their nose or even fart makes us over the moon proud and we are powerless not to fall in love even more with every passing second. I have long been of the mind that God has a sense of humor and one of His biggest jokes is giving us our children as babies, because only He knows, that if He gave them to us as full on teenagers.....most of us would give them back within a week. 

As these kids grow, even though they try our patience at times, we are enraptured with their first words, first steps and first kisses. These things alone seem to counteract our view of the tantrums, moments of stubbornness and flat out refusals to listen.

By the time the kids hit their teen years though, the cuteness has worn thin as attitude, hormones and outside influences start taking a hold of our precious little angels. Suddenly the parent/child relationship starts looking more like a battle of Us against Them. Us being the ones who are so uncool, so out of touch and so stupid that they are amazed we can dress ourselves and Them being cool, technologically savvy and wise beyond their teenage years.

In my experience, their brilliance lasts until the real world punches them in the throat and they suddenly realize that parents have a little more going for them than just being their own personal ATM. The day that a child wakes up and realizes that their parents weren't uncool....they were simply busy being a parent, nor were they out of touch...they knew a whole lot more than they let on and in fact.....were quite smart....juggling a household, bills and kids and making it look easy...that is they day the Us against Them ends and we as parents can breathe a sigh of relief and know we have done our job.

I have gotten to this stage with three of the five. Of course I had little to do with how great the older two turned out, but I like to think I helped. Do they have all the answers? No and the beauty is.....they know it. Realizing you aren't as smart as you thought you were is a huge sign of maturity. However, I still have two to get to this point. Thus my lack of blogging. Keeping my sanity, dignity and self respect while working to the end goal of raising an honest, respectable, respectful human.....can at times, be trying. Doing it on your own.....well that can be overwhelming.

Sometimes as parents, we have to stand back and let go. Our wisdom may tell us they aren't ready, but there comes a time when their life becomes their choice. We are there.

And then......there was one. 

The Art of Being Sh!tty or Hopeful Insanity

I have mentioned several times recently both in conversation and with written word, that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again......expecting different results. I think I might also have mentioned that YES.....I am probably very much insane.

I don't have the issue of repeating my negative actions in any area other than with my children. It appears that in all other walks of life (for the most part) I have learned my lesson and try not to repeat my mistakes. However...with my children....time and time again I find myself doing the same thing over again. I won't say that I "expect" different results......but each time......I am hopeful that things may take a better turn than the time before.....and each time.......I am proven to be one insane individual.

I am currently living with yet another attempt at "hopeful insanity." The details yet again I will not bore you with......mostly because this time.....I don't come out looking so good. Anyone who hasn't learned from their repeated attempts of giving second, third and 55th chances not only looks bad to others.....but should also be wearing WELCOME across their forehead! The first step is admitting it......right?!

Okay.....where was I? Oh yeah, anyway.....while in the midst of my hopeful insanity, He Whom I Will Not Name....suggested to me ever so impolitely yesterday that I (me) had a sh!tty attitude. What??? Me???? Having an attitude that is less than pleasant anytime? What the heck was he talking about?  He went on to say that he felt he could not carry on a conversation with me because my attitude was not sunny and glowing all the time. Hmmmm. Really?

Now I know that I have absolutely no need to explain myself or my actions to anyone. Especially not someone who has proclaimed to be a "grown ass man" many times over the years but still cannot manage to pay his own bills or find a ride to work. Still though....he caught me off guard and I began to feel the need to explain why perhaps sunshine was not always illuminating from every orifice of my body. Damn.....immediately by me trying to explain myself he realized I might be feeling guilty about my lack of sunniness and thus he went on to elaborate on how crappy my attitude was....telling me that "everyone has problems" but why is it okay for me to have an attitude about them. Damn again......he was using my own words towards him towards me and taking them out of context. The boy was good.

The whole time he was talking I was trying to think of exact incidents where I had been truly sh!tty recently. I really couldn't think of any. Upon relaying this to him.....his reaction was that of total disbelief followed by....."you really don't remember how sh!tty you have been?" It was about this time that the sarcasm (which I speak fluently) began flying off my tongue. Was I being sh!tty when I gave him a ride because he wrecked his car and now has no transportation, or perhaps it was when I was feeding him because he has no money for anything except for paying fines, or no maybe it was when I "gave" him a cell phone and am paying the bill so that he has some form of communication?! His reaction to all of this? "See....there you go again being sh!tty!" Arrrrrrgggggg

The internal hemorrhaging that I seemed to by pass the other night.....well I think it began last night. What does it mean when your head throbs and you have pain in your chest? Oh yeah....it means you have KIDS!

Poor, Poor Political Me

I am NOT political. I have stated it before and I will probably go to my grave screeching those words. I do in fact though....know when I became piqued by the idea of politics. It was about the same time I discovered message boards. I had joined one that my then favorite radio disc jockey had started. It was local and it was a lot of fun. I was enchanted and many an evening I would stay up past my bed time laughing and joking with my new friends from the message board. Sadly though, my favorite disc jockey was to move onto greener pastures and a much larger market, so my new found friends and I disbanded....until one day when I received an email from the creator of the old radio message board. He invited me to another board which he ran. This one was a politically conservative board (which at the time I suspicioned that I was politically conservative)...so I tried it out. At first...it just wasn't a good fit at all. I realized then and there....I was politically illiterate. I could no more carry on an intelligent conversation with these people than the man in the moon. And what was worse was....these were not "think tank" or political analyst type people. These were average citizens: housewives, blue collar workers, with maybe a lawyer or engineer thrown in the mix just to keep it interesting.
These people knew their politics. They read the paper, watched the news, and were not just up-to-date, but up-to-the-minute on what was going on both domestically and abroad. I was astonished. This was a world that I didn't even know existed.
While my first instinct was to turn and run...because I knew that I was never going to post a word and make myself look a fool with these people...instead I stayed. I became interested in how another housewife might see the world around her or how the blue collar worker viewed the president as opposed to say the lawyer or engineer. So I started reading...and as they posted links...I read different articles about what was going on in the world of politics. Before I knew it....I was actually learning. Still though....I knew so little and I was so afraid that my words on any political subject were so unintelligent....that I still refrained from posting....until one day. I was reading through the different topics and the responses....when I came upon one about abortion. Now abortion I do know something about, but in my naive little mind....I never connected it with politics. For once I was not afraid to post and I did. It opened the door to literally thousands of more posts and more political education than I could ever imagine.
Soon....I not only became intelligent enough to carry on a political conversation....but I also became intelligent enough to defend myself even when up against the staunchest liberal attack. Best of all....I knew what was going on in the world and could carry on a conversation about politics that even surprised me at times.
Soon I was even infiltrating liberal websites defending conservative thoughts, beliefs, and values. Several times I was kicked to the curb before I even opened my mouth (after they found out I was conservative), but other times I was allowed to stay so that I could be made an example of . It turned out though....I was not an example they wanted the rest of the world to see, so often my posts were either deleted or removed so others could not see them. However....I actually made some liberal friends along the way. There were a few who I never actually turned into conservatives....but they did respect my views and at the end of the day....we were able to agree to disagree. (Believe me....you don't find that with many liberals).
One day though, I woke up and I could no longer fight the good fight, or argue politics any further. While a learning experience full of new and interesting people, it was also a daunting task. You learn as you go to ignore unintelligent name calling, or child like abuse and behavior....and you never take it personally because most of us all want the same things. The problem however is often how differently we feel those things should be obtained. I just couldn't fight the same old pat liberal arguments and the same talking points over and over again. So I just left the message board.
It felt so good to not feel the need to defend myself, my beliefs, or my rights....especially since I was not a political person to begin with. For a while (a year or so....to be precise) I happily avoided the news, I turned the channel when anything heavier than The Big Bang Theory came on.....and I was in a state of bliss.
Then the world changed. What was promised was distorted or not carried through with at all. We were dealing with bailouts, a country on the verge of bankruptcy, forced health care insurance, and a president who saw nothing wrong with mocking the American people who disagreed with him. I was shocked and ashamed that I wasn't paying more attention. I had friends out there physically standing up for what they believed in and trying to save our Constitution and the rights of all of us, while I was hiding in a blissful....but very unrealistic state.
So I did the only thing a non-political woman like myself could do. I started writing. I started speaking out through my computer. Slowly I am working my way back to the message board and on the way....I am letting those who care to read what I have to say...just how I feel about the country I live in.
Why am I doing this you might ask? Especially when those who know me know that my plate is full to overflowing as it is. Because I have kids. What happens today, right now....is going to affect them tomorrow. Decisions that are being made locally, at a state level, and at a federal level are going to be my kids future and I owe it to them to make sure that future is a good one. I don't want my kids suffering the unnecessary debt of ridiculous bailouts, nor do I want them forced into health care insurance that will end up costing them more than their parents ever dreamed of paying. I want them to have the same American dream that generations before them have had and I want everyone of their Constitutional rights in tact.
Does all of this make me political? I don't know. I have had some, more educated than I say... yes. I still want to say NO! All I know is that as long as the change does not appear to be working.....I will have to speak up and speak out. Oh poor, poor political me!

Wow....It's Been Awhile

Dear Blog...
Please forgive me....but I actually forgot about you. Nice to know that you were willing to patiently wait for me. Life has continued on since last we talked. The boys have grown as have I and we are now in the midst of another spring.
We have a new addition to our family by the name of Ayden and soon he will be celebrating his second year with us. Yes, I am a proud aunt...although I rarely get to see the little tyke.
I was a grandmother again last year.....but only for a short while, then we found out it was a lie, told by a young girl who either wasn't sure who the dad was, or was rolling the dice trying to pick who she felt would be the best. At any rate....it was heart breaking and I wanted a do over...letting my heart be broken yet once again. I survived....we all survived, but I still think of the little girl who was a part of our family and loved by all for those few months.
It is now 9 years since my husband left us and 8 years since Mom has been gone. I miss them both terribly, but blessedly I don't usually have the terrible missing feeling for both of them at the same time. Sometimes I just really need my husband, and others....I feel like a little girl again and really need my mom.
The kids are growing, getting older and becoming the individuals that they are. My oldest two (my husbands from another marriage) are experiencing the joys of adulthood. My beautiful daughter has seen her share of sorrow and fought through those nasty little curves that life seems to throw at us all from time to time. She has suffered, but I know she will prevail for she is strong like both her father and her mother and she will come through all of this a stronger woman and the sun will eventually shine in her life again.
My son....he now has beautiful twin daughters. He too has felt the struggles...most of it starting with the loss of his dad. But he is learning to be a good man....and a strong man. He is learning how to share in a relationship and most of all how special little ones are and how important it is to not just biologically be a dad....but to truly be a father.
I am really proud of both of these kids although I can take no credit for the wonderful individuals they have become....for that belongs some to their father....and a great deal to their mother.
My biological oldest...I have no idea about. He is somewhere, doing something and I have no idea about any of it. I realized this year after our 1000th battle and him not knowing what he wanted and me not being able to read minds.....that the day I lost his father....I also lost him. I can't fix whatever broke inside him that day and the resentment he has for me being here and his dad not.....is impenetrable. I have tried in every way I know how for so many years and I have cried more tears than anyone will ever know. The fact is....the little boy/the young man....that I once knew died the day his father did and all that was left for me to do was to mourn him....for that person is never coming back and the one that is here is not someone that I can let continue to try and control and hurt my family. I never in a million years thought I would say this about a child of mine....but he is gone. The person he has become is a stranger to me and one I find it very hard to feel for. It is the person he used to be that remains in my heart. Heartless for a mother to feel this way....absolutely....and perhaps this gesture in my life is my ticket to hell, but it is also the only way that I can maintain sanity on this earth....or any kind of peace within my family.
My youngest two continue to grow and even thrive. Again....being broken myself....I am not sure how much credit I can take for their thriving....but it is a miracle to watch.
The oldest of the two is no longer a boy....but turning into a man. He is beautiful and talented. He has my creative heart and his fathers strong will. There is nothing this young man can't do and to watch him with his little brother often brings tears to my eyes for he never sees him as disabled....just as his little brother. And he handles him with the perfect amounts of gentleness, kindness, and good old brotherly love. It is an amazing joy to watch. I can say without a doubt that the sky is the limit for this young man. Anything he wants in life....he can achieve....because he is a doer, but he knows how to do it with a great amount of humanity.
Finally my little guy. He is no longer little! He is now 9 almost 10 and ready to not only move up a grade, but change schools altogether. I have much pride mixed with large amounts of anxiety....but not him. He always seems ready for whatever life tosses his way. I, like my older son do not see a disability when I look at this little one.....I only see my son. But occasionally, others try to bring me down to their reality of his disability and for a moment or two I glimpse him as they apparently see him....but then he does something remarkable....and he is back to being just my son....capable of doing anything and taking on this big old world on his terms. However....I never lose sight of what a miracle he is or how he has so profoundly changed my life.
So as I said....life continues on. We ride out the storms and rejoice in our victories....no matter how large or how small they are.
Well Dear Blog.....I am sorry it has been so long since we have had the chance to catch up. Maybe now I can stay in contact better....but if not....I know that you will remain here....steadfast and patient......ready for me to return with an update that takes us from "beginning to end....and back again!"