Dance, Laugh and Share Jello Shots

Last night I went out and celebrated Thiry's birthday with Berty and Thiry....my sister friends. (Sister friends: friends who know way too much about you so you have to consider them family). When I got home I started thinking about friendships. Mine to be precise. In friendships....I am truly blessed. I have many friends who are true friends. They come from all facets of my life and they all mean something special to me. Some of these friendships are many decades old and some are not, but the thing they all have in common is 1) they all put up with me and 2) they are all low maintenance friendship....meaning that we don't have to see each other or even talk to each other everyday, every week or even every month and yet when we do meet up or talk....it is like no time has passed and we pick up right were we left off. I love my friends and cannot imagine my life without them. However.....I have no idea how I became so blessed as to have all these friends nor do I have any idea how I learned to be a friend. It certainly wasn't something my parents taught me.

No...that was not a cheap shot at my parents.....it was simply a fact. My father has always been somewhat of an opportunistic friend, meaning that his friendships were based on whatever was going on in his life at the time. Usually his friendships were cultivated through business deals or his job. When one of those ended....then the friendship usually was not far behind. Only in the last decade has my dad realized that he who dies with friends dies much richer than he who dies with money. He has since tried to recultivate some of the friendships that it is not too late to recultivate.

Mom on the other hand was never big on close friendships. She was an acquaintance type of person. She was possibly more comfortable in this type of "friendship" as this is what she knew early on. Growing up as a farm kid in a small rural town....her friendships were school related and when school or school activities weren't present....then neither were her friends. There was no such thing as play dates or parents carting their kids to friends houses back then.....especially if you were a farm kid and your friends were town kids. Mom always maintained fond memories of her school friends, but never did she have a desire to reunite or correspond with them. This became her pattern until my brother and I were grown.

My mother always had a unique way of viewing her life. To her, life was not one long adventure, but more it was a lifetime cut into pieces.....chapters. Each chapter held new experiences, places and people....but the people were most always held at arms length and although a cordial relationship might develop.....she never allowed them to be more than acquaintances. Looking back.....I am sure Mom used this as a way to protect herself and also to keep her privacy. Mom was an intensely private person. When a chapter ended and she moved on....then the place, the experiences and the people were all left behind. She never looked back and she never tried to reunite with anyone. Looking back....it was strange but at the time....it was just Mom.

Not until my brother and I had graduated and started our own lives and Mom went back to work did she start cultivating friends. Perhaps it was because she worked daily with people that shared her passion (she was a psych nurse) or maybe people wouldn't allow her to be just mere acquaintances, but soon Mom had friends.....good friends. The last chapter in Mom's life was full of people who loved my mother and whom my mother loved in return. This was quite evident at her funeral as person after person came to me and told me what a wonderful friend my mother had been to them. It was one of those smiling through the tears moments as I knew my mother had left this earth rich with friends.

Myself....I have always had friends. It took me a lot of years to learn to be a friend.....because that was a lesson I had never been taught, but there were those that overlooked my lack of friend etiquette and accepted me for who I was. It probably didn't hurt that my first true friend was my cousin and since we only saw each other on occasions.....my lack of friend know-how could be more easily accepted.

As time went on and I began to learn the give and take of friendship (i.e. you have to be one to have one) my circle of friends began to grow. As a kid....I was usually close to one in particular and the friendship (at least in my head) was somewhat exclusive. It wasn't until I was in junior high that I learned the art of group friendships or "cliques" if you will. There were five or six of us and we traveled in a heard for lack of a better word. This clique lasted for about three years and then as happens when you grow up and start growing apart.....the clique disbanded and while we still were friendly....our friendships traveled in different directions.

It was high school when the notion of truly best friends became a part of my world. It was here that I started cultivating friendships that still remain strong and in tact today. Perhaps my mother realized that she had missed a lot not having close friends during her life, so when it came to my friends....Mom basically had an open door policy. She was also usually available to drive us (pre-drivers ed) to the skating rink, the movies and the mall. Looking back.....Mom was a pretty awesome mom and at times I think my mom was as big a draw to my friends as being friends with me was.

As time has passed, I have maintained many of my high school friendships and added to them along the way. Like anyone....some friends are more prevalent in your life at different times and of course, people and friendships do tend to change. Luckily (through no fault of my own) I have managed to hold onto and continue to make many wonderful friends throughout the years. Granted though....I have friendship maintaining opportunities that Mom didn't have. Social networking is very much responsible for the rekindling of many of my  friendships of years passed and it has brought me closer to many others. Facebook alone has managed to transcend distance and time and put me in touch with my third grade bestie and helped me to get to know those that I didn't really get the chance to know in high school. Perhaps if Mom had such at tool at her fingertips....she too might have rekindled the past....but then again....maybe not.

So as I was drifting off last night....counting my blessings, thinking about how short life is (especially when you are looking at it from my vantage point) and thinking of all the friends I have but don't see and enjoy nearly enough....I couldn't help but think how this really needs to change. Perhaps there needs to be more dinners out, game nights or even some road trips to keep the friendship fires burning. In this busy world we live in.....these things won't happen if not purposefully gone after and organized and maybe I need to be the one to set the plans in motion.

This morning my head is full of delicious possibilities....adventures....and fun. We are never too old to have fun....RIGHT?! So my friends...and yes....you know who you are.....don't be surprised if you hear from me in the near future. Life is too short not to dance, laugh and share jello shots with your friends. So be prepared....cause you just might be hearing from me.....very soon!

No Facebook for Lent

Well today begins Lent. It is a time when many in the Christian world give up and offer up as a sign of penance. It is six weeks without meat on Fridays, fasting and abstaining in preparation for Easter. As a Catholic I have always given something up this time a year and avoided meat on Ash Wednesday (the start of Lent) and all Fridays during Lent. It is meant to remind us of the sacrifice God made while giving up His only Son and the sacrifice Jesus made giving up His life for our sins. In the big scheme of things....six weeks really isn't all that much considering what was done for us.

If done appropriately....Lent is a time for us to clear our minds and focus on Their sacrifice and on our spiritual lives. Sometimes that is difficult in the world we live in. It seems that we are constantly inundated with so much information of all kinds....that it is hard to simply focus on the simple things. The important things. Sadly....this year, it wasn't until last night that I even had a clear picture of what I was going to give up. Then, as the president was making his State of the Union speech and I was not watching it but instead relying on facebook for my information.....I suddenly realized that I was spending much too much time on fb and it was contributing to my information overload. It wasn't hard to figure out that six weeks without fb might not be a bad thing for my mind, body or soul! So without giving myself even a millisecond to back out....I promptly posted my Lenten intention on fb and bid everyone a Happy Lent. It was nice to know that some will miss me and then I am sure there are others that won't feel quite as sad. And of course there will be others that even after six weeks won't realize I was ever even gone. Sigh!!!!

So yesterday was Fat Tuesday....the last hurrah before Lent. It is a day to "enjoy" that which will be given up for the next six weeks. Well.....I did my duty as a good mother and a good Catholic and I ate all the junk food in the house and drank the last of the soda so that there would be no temptations to derail anyone's Lenten sacrifices come this morning. Imagine my shock to find out that no one had given up junk food or soda this year. Oops. Looks like some of my Lenten sacrifice will need to be spent at the gym.

Just so you know....I will continue to blog and I will be putting my blogs on fb (a couple of people did ask) but other than that fb and I will be estranged until after Easter. Until then my fb friends....Don't forget me! Don't unfriend me! And for goodness sakes....don't say anything interesting until I get back! Have a good Lenten season everyone!

Catholicism Through My Eyes: Confession

So if you live in the Wichita area....if you haven't gone in and at least peaked at the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception (or St. Mary's Cathedral as many of us old timers know it) since they renovated it....then you really should. Granted...it has only been reopened for regular services since Monday....but it is well worth the view. I happened to be downtown this last week and decided to stop in before the noon time mass and go to confession. I was simply amazed at how beautiful it was.

If you have been in the Cathedral pre-reno then you know it was a huge traditional church with domes and much wood. The space was dark and the feeling was of walking into an early to mid century church. The renovation has kept much of the old "feel" but added some more modern elements that mesh well. One of the most beautiful additions is the infinity edged baptismal font. It is nothing you would expect and yet it seems as if it was made for the space. The new life size statues, one of the crucifixtion and one of Joseph and a pregnant Mary are bronzed and amazing. They have managed to light the space in a way that takes away the heaviness of all the redone wood and makes the church feel warm and inviting not cold and dark. As I said...if you get the chance....go see it for yourself. My words do not do it justice.

Okay...so I promised some weekly views on Catholicism through my eyes. So speaking of going to confession....I thought that this week I would talk about "confession." Confession is one of the Seven Sacraments of the Catholic Church and as a practicing Catholic you are sure to cover most of these sacraments during your life. Confession or the more modern terminology (The Act of Reconciliation) is the second sacrament you will usually receive in your life. It follows Baptism and precedes your First Holy Communion. It is also one of the most misunderstood acts a Catholic does to the non-Catholic world.

To clear up some misconceptions....no Catholics don't go to Confession to just a man. No...Catholics don't use Confession so that they can sin again. No....Catholics don't think they are better than anyone else because they go to Confession. Does that answer some of your questions?

To fully understand confession you must first understand the next sacrament which is Communion. Many churches have their version of communion which is usually grape juice (sometimes wine) and bread. In the Catholic faith though.....Communion is not simply an act of the Last Supper. Catholics use blessed wine and blessed unlevened bread. During the Mass the bread and wine are consecrated and when we receive Communion...we are receiving the Body and Blood of Christ....just as the apostles did. In order to receive this great gift....our souls must be as pure as possible. This means as sin free as possible and this is the purpose of confession.

Yes...many churches have their versions of confession. Most entail confessing sins to the congregation or a select group of people. Catholics in turn are often scoffed at for their belief that the priest can absolve them from their sins. The fact is that the priest is merely a stand in for God but given special graces by God. The sins told in a confessional can never be told by the priest outside the confessional for any reason. Through history there have been a few less than "holy" priests who have tried....and they have always failed. The confessional is sacred.

Confession is a holy act. In the confessional....you can either speak face to face with the priest or as I like to do it....with a confessional wall between you. By doing this, I am able to more easily concentrate on both the face of Our Lord and my sins. Unlike some other churches....the confessional is private. It is between us and God....not us and the congregation. Just as sin is personal.....in my way of thinking....so should be confession.  There should only be one judge and jury on your sins and on your soul....and that is God. The confessional is a place of great distress for many and also of great peace. Once your sins have been confessed....you are given a penance, whether it is prayer and meditation or an act of charity..... it is designed as a way for you to not only repent your sins but also to think about your sins and how they might have affected others. Once absolved....there is always peace for me.

I know that many both outside the faith and some even inside....feel it appears that some use confession as if the confessional door was revolving. Confession is not so that you can sin, confess, go to Communion and then commit the same sin or sins over the next day. The confessional is a checks and balances of our own soul. It keeps us accountable and aware of the condition of our soul. It also makes sure that when we receive Communion...that we are receiving the Body and Blood of Christ with the purest of mind, body and spirit we can be. As humans....we will ALWAYS sin. Sometimes the sins will be small and sometimes they will be very large but always they will be soul harming and Confession is what purifies us....not so that we can sin again, but so that we can have a starting point to put past sins behind us and do our best to live our lives with fewer sins. After all....we are all works in progress.

I had already decided last week that this was what I would blog about this week but last night at Mass....just as if Father knew what I would be blogging about....he helped to write this. He talked about Confession as a way of humbling us. He was talking about the way Catholics should and do humble themselves before the Lord and Confession was a big one. There is nothing more humbling than to have to kneel before your Creator and tell Him that after all He has given you.....you have chosen to offend Him. Now THAT is as humbling as it gets. It is also something that causes Catholics to lapse.

As Catholics....especially if we are cradle Catholics, right and wrong are drilled in our heads. Often it is more fun and easier to live on the wrong side where sin is disregarded and our own will and desire call the shots. When this happens.....knowing what we know.....one of two things can happen to a person. 1) They know that they can't go to Confession without being truly sorry for their sins and making the effort to never commit them again. If they know that they likely will commit them again....there is something innately in them that will not allow them to go to Confession and without Confession....the other sacraments cannot be received. So slowly....they just leave. Or 2) They commit a sin that they simply cannot bare to confess. Usually they lose sight of the fact that sins like that are a one time thing and if confessed because of the weight they have put on themselves....they would likely never sin like that again. However, they are ashamed and embarrassed and rather than humble themselves and confess....an anger grows inside them towards the Church, the Sacraments and even God. Somewhere along the line....they forget that the real anger is at themselves for committing the sin in the first place. In the end though.....the results are the same and a soul can be lost sometimes for awhile....and sometimes forever. The historic battle of mans will over Gods. Blessedly though, with time, age, experience and eventually the knowledge that without God we are nothing.....we/they/them often come back stronger in their faith.

So you see, Confession.....like most aspects of the Catholic Church has a beauty all its own. There are things that are very difficult in the church....such as Confession, but if it were easy...what would we gain? It is the difficult things that make us stronger and in the case of Confession....it is our sins...the sins we willingly commit that give us the need for the confessional. It is however, through those sins and the ability to humble ourselves to God knowing that we have both sinned and that He will forgive those sins, that make us stronger in both our lives and our faith. 

Okay...I have told you what Confession is but little of my view. So here it is. Confession is one of the hardest parts of being a Catholic for me. It is also one of the best parts. There have been times that confessing certain sins has been very difficult for me. It has taken me months at times to make myself go to Confession over certain things. It was my pride and my embarrassment that kept me from Confession and ultimately God. Perhaps in some eyes....my sins were not that great, but in mine....they were debilitating. When finally I realized that I was not doing God the favor by confessing, but doing myself and my soul the favor.....I gladly humbled myself. You cannot imagine the feeling of peace that you come away with knowing that you are right with yourself and most importantly you are right with God. Sin is a soul killing disease and Confession can bleach your soul clean. It can also give you as I said earlier....a fresh perspective and a new starting point....and after all isn't that something we can all use from time to time?

My Lessons of the Year

I think when we are young....we get the misguided idea that at some point we are going to know it all and the act of learning will eventually cease. Contrare! The act of learning never ceases. Every day I learn new things and my mind is opened to thoughts and ideas that in some cases....I never even knew existed. In fact....I am of the mind, that the older you get....the more you learn. Perhaps that is why they say....with age comes wisdom!

This morning this was a recurring theme in my thoughts. Even in the last year...I have learned more than I ever dreamed was possible. Maybe it was just that my mind was more receptive or possibly it was the many new ideas, issues and adventures thrown my way this year. Whatever the case....my education has been vast and you know me....I just have to share my wisdom in my blog. So here goes....My Lessons of the Year:

I have learned that true friends will travel many miles just to hold your hand through a crisis.
Kind people who have never before laid eyes on you and who have their own personal issues going on, will drop everything for a stranger in need.
Prayer=miracles
Time does not stop for anyone. Not even parents whose children are growing up too fast.
Friends can come from the most unlikely of places.
Charisma can trump facts.
Generation gaps can be bridged at a STYX concert.
My dog Spud is a very resourceful dog.
A pitbulls attitude is not about the breed but about the owner.
We all eventually grow up.
Sometimes I don't actually know it all!
Some people are simply takers.
There are some who will always hold onto the past and refuse to see the present.
You cannot change a closed mind. 
Forgiveness is a gift that not everyone has to give.
Sometimes our friends can be more family to us than our own family....and that is okay.
Not all kids know love.
Some people give for others....and some give for themselves.
No number on the scale is permanent.
Age truly is just a number.
Free isn't free!
Politics is a blood sport.
There are people who will dislike you for having a different opinion than them and there is simply nothing you can do about it.
People don't passionately fight about something if they don't care.
Speaking of God can be grounds for a lawsuit while speaking of Allah is not.
There is no truth, morality or ethical conduct in the media.
The older you are....the sicker the flu can make you.
A clean an organized house is possible....if you Pinterest.
And finally...the most import thing that I learned:
Cheesecake can pretty much cure all things that ail you.....so if you bake it....they will buy it!

So you see...it has been a very educational year!

Strangeness

A while back...I posted a blog My Crazy Life.....Literally. It was about weird things that had happened to myself or my family. Most of it has been human in nature....likely aimed at a single mom with kids who looked like an easy target. There have been though....a few things that make me wonder about the non-human world.

I have been thinking a lot recently about some of the things that have happened of the non-human sort and wonder. After my experience in the tub and the black shadow...I was terrified of the dark for years. Even in my late teens and early twenties....I didn't like being home alone. As I have gotten older and have kids of my own those old fears were put to rest long ago....along with the nightmares and apparently screaming night terrors that I used to put my mother through. Little of a supernatural type scares me anymore. My biggest fears now reside in Washington....not in the supernatural world. But I digress....

As a Catholic we are taught to avoid clairvoyants and fortune tellers and yet in our modern world they seem to abound. We also are warned against witchcraft, Ouija boards and all things of a mystical nature. As a kid I thought it was because as Catholics we were not to believe in that sort of thing. As an adult I have come to the conclusion that it is because we do believe in this sort of thing that we stay clear. I think God and satan and heaven and hell are in daily battle both in the real world and quite possibly in the supernatural world too.

My mother was the seventh daughter of the seventh daughter. While she never broadcast it....the woman flat out knew things that there was no way she should have. She would get "feelings" about things and if she got a feeling...I learned early on to listen. It went far beyond motherly instinct and more than once her feelings kept me from being in situations that could have hurt or even potentially killed me. Her mother too had a sense. After her mother had suffered a stroke and was in the hospital....my mother was staying with her over night. When they were alone....my grandmother told my mother in detail what the next few years of her life would be like. She told her that she would suffer more strokes (she gave her the exact number), she told her that one of the strokes they would think she wouldn't come out of....but eventually she would and she told her how and approximately when she would die. Soon after telling my mother all of this....she suffered another stroke (which she had predicted) and apparently lost all memory of this conversation. When my mother told her father and sister about this....neither believed her and chastised her for "making up" such lies. My grandmothers words came true to the very letter. Later after my grandmother was gone and this was brought up to both my grandfather and my aunt....neither seemed to have any recollection of the incident. If they couldn't explain it....then they simply denied it ever happened.

My mother fought hard against her "feelings." She would get terribly upset when she would get one of them and she always said..."I wish it would just go away." This was never something she sought out nor was it something she wanted. She felt the weight of the world on her shoulders when she had these feelings. It was obviously God given and as I said...more than once it saved me....but in Mom's view, it was simply too much information. Later in her life....it either did go away or she simply quit talking about it.

Another case of strangeness happened to another aunt. At a time when she was struggling through a tough time in her life, she woke from a nap to see a young girl standing in her doorway. She assumed the girl was a friend of her kids as they were in another room with friends over. The little girl struck her as odd because she was somewhat dirty with long blonde hair that needed combed and she was dressed rather old fashioned. I cannot remember whether my aunt actually conversed with her or whether the little girl just stood there and then left. When my aunt got up and walked in where the kids were....she didn't see the little girl and asked about her. None of them had a clue who she was talking about. My aunt shrugged it off and literally forgot about the little girl until one time when she went back to the home in Oklahoma where she grew up. Going through some old pictures with some other family members...she was caught up short when she happened upon a picture of the exact little girl who had stood in her room. The picture showed her  bathed and with her hair combed....but definitely the same little girl. On the back was written Grace Etier age 6. My aunt was dumbfounded. It was her own mother as a child that had visited her. Maybe she was there to let her know all would be alright (as her troubled time had resolved itself shortly after seeing the little girl). Whatever the case....too much had happened not to have realized that my grandmother had made that appearance...strange as it was.

I do believe in these things. I don't see them as anything sinister or frightening. On the contrary....I see them as God given. After all....God has allowed visions of saints, angels, Mary and even Himself....when groups or individuals needed them, so why not family members and friends? I believe each contains a message and each comes at a time when very much needed in the lives of the ones they touch. I also believe that some are given information like the info my grandmother gave my mother for a purpose. It had a direct effect on my mothers life and quite possibly on anyone elses life my mother told.

I also believe that the shadow I saw in the bathroom that time was something. I believe it was something bad and I think it had more to do with the house than with me.....as nothing like that has ever happened since. At the time....I think I was just an easy target. I was small and knew nothing of spirits or shadows full of energy. But there was definitely something there and it effected me for years. Just as there are good and God given spirits....I believe just as strongly that there is evil and it can show itself....perhaps as a shadow or something more sinister.

I think that the line between our world and the next may quite possibly be very thin. While prayer can keep us in the light.......Ouija boards, witchcraft and seances can take us to the dark. When we pray we call on God and if He feels we need the contact of heaven then we may be visited by an angel or a family member  or even given information to help us. However....witchcraft, seances and the such are not prayers...in fact they are often summoning something dark whether we realize it or not. These actions have been documented in many cases of hauntings and even possessions. Perhaps it is our realization that just as good can be present....so then can evil....that we are cautioned to avoid anything that can call upon anything or anyone but God. Thus I guess is my reasoning for feeling that far from not believing...it is actually our belief and acknowledgement of the fact that evil does exist in all forms that we should do our best to steer clear of it. Hmmmm.....

Okay...okay! I know....very strange blog today. Well what do you expect on a rainy day? So welcome to the strange dwelling place that sometimes is my mind. Oh come on...we all have a little strangeness in our families...right? No! Just me! Perhaps then, I should just go back to blogging about politics! :)

So....any strange incidents in your life? Care to share? That's what the comments are for!

So You Think You Know Me.......

Okay....first of all before I begin, I would like to give a huge shout out to last nights Superbowl. To be honest I wasn't invested in either team, so before the game I did a mental coin toss and decided I would be a Raven's fan. During the first half....I was rather disappointed in the game as the Raven's were scoring every chance they got while the 49ers weren't. After a less than impressive half time performance (not a big Beyonce fan) and a power outage which held up the game for a good half hour (or maybe it just seemed that long).....the 49ers hit their stride. By the end of the 3rd quarter, it looked as if there was an actual football game going on. In the end, the Raven's won it....but the 2nd quarter game was actually one of the better games I have seen of late. I must say too that I wasn't a huge fan of the commercials this year although the Clydesdales and the Dodge Ram commercials did touch me. The others though..... are just minutes of my life that I can never get back.

To be honest...there are those out there that are surprised I like football. The fact is....I am too! As a kid I would watch it with my dad just to get his attention. Somewhere along the line though....I actually began to like it. It used to drive my brother to distraction as he can't stand the game. Guess that was the added bonus to watching it. Truth is..if I allowed myself to, I could be a die hard football fan and be glued to my tv from preseason to post season. Since my life doesn't really allow for that....I catch a few games during the season and usually try to watch the Superbowl. In this day and age though...just about as many women like football as men...so I am really not that much of an anomaly any more. Still I guess to some...I just don't seem the type to be a hard core football fan. Apparently like an onion....I have more layers than most expect. Oh..and I probably cause a few tears too!

Speaking of people not really knowing me, I was talking to someone that I have known for awhile. Awhile as in years.....and she told me that she knew me like the back of her hand. It wasn't too long after she made that statement that she then said that everything wasn't all about me. I knew then and there that she really didn't know me at all, for if she did....she would never have made such a ridiculous statement. She is not the only person of late who has claimed to know me so well that they can practically read my mind. Apparently I have become "readable". The problem is....they really don't know me and when they begin to talk as if they do...they are always off base. I may at times be predictable.....but I really don't think that I am that easily read, especially when I don't even really know me.

Over the last couple of years....I have changed. I have definitely gotten much more out spoken (and not just in my blog) and the things I thought I wanted have become more of a gray area. I have begun to think of life more in the short term than the long. It is much easier to create and carry out several short term goals than it is to carry out one long term goal. I even have begun to view my children differently. Perhaps though...that is just me preparing to let go as they continue to grow up and begin lives of their own.

The person who told me that life wasn't all about me (silly woman) also told me that I needed someone to help me through the tough times in life and that I shouldn't give up looking. I cringed as it was very reminiscent of what people were saying to me a couple of years ago when I quit listening to me and started listening to them. Them being everyone who felt that I must need someone to fulfill my life.  That led me down a path I do not care to revisit. I decided then and there that I really needed no one. Life has made me stand on my own for years and although I may not always do it right.....I always do it to the best of my abilities. I have come to know certain things about myself and one is that I don't need someone to complete me, make me feel good about me or take care of me. God gave me the skills to do that all by myself. Now having someone to compliment who I am, have fun with and share life.....that could be another story. Up till now though....it has not been my story. That is not saying that it won't come in time. As my mom always used to say....."Never wish your life away....for the best is yet to come." I think though...all these people who think they know me...might be very surprised as to who I am compared to who they think I am.

So you think you know me. Well lets see. Did you know that I am a woman who still likes pink? I like to laugh and I love my friends. Sometimes I hide away from the world and sometimes I try to be the world. I am quiet until I am not and then there will be no question as to my thoughts. I really worry very little about how people view me...as I always try to be the best version of me I can be. I see no sense in being rude or hateful....even to those who possibly deserve it as it really serves no purpose in life. Sometimes I worry and stew over things I cannot change and then I remember to pray. I miss my mom and still try to find the one thing that will finally gain me praise in my fathers eyes. I am a pushover when it comes to animals....especially my animals, but I don't always see humans with the same eyes.....possibly because animals have pure intentions and humans seldom do. I help people whenever I see or hear of a need....but they seldom know it's me. I was taught that generosity should come from a desire to help....not a desire for accolades. There are days when I want to feel the wind in my face and the freedom of youth. I want to kiss the cute boy and feel my heart skip a beat and I want to laugh and party as if I have not a care in the world. Then there are other times....the majority of times when I look at my kids and I know that they were a gift given to me and that it is my responsibility to be the best mom I can be. I have to be the mom they deserve and not just the mom they are stuck with. I can be fierce and defiant when pushed and I have a razor sharp tongue when thusly provoked...but that is a side I seldom like to show. I am complicated and shallow...sometimes both at the same time. I wear very little make-up and think nothing of going out in public with nothing more than eyeliner....but I won't leave the house without having polish on my toes (even if I am wearing shoes). I think my best feature is my toes (if they are painted) and I will never divulge what I feel is my worst. Why give someone fuel to use against you? I am one to keep friendships for years...but I am cautious to add new ones. I pray for everyone I know daily and I am not afraid to ask for the same in return. All in all I am a lot some of the time and a little a lot of the time. I have a surface me and a me that goes to the depth of my soul. Some who have known me for years have never seen below the surface. Only a select few have had that privilege. If I am quite honest...to know me is not always to love me. Sometimes it is not even to like me...and most are not that invested anyway. So no...I don't think those that think they know me....know me at all. What they think they are reading maybe a momentary flash of a surface thought, but nothing that is really who I am.

Are you surprised? Am I who you thought I was or am I someone you just thought you knew? Whatever the case...I am me and I don't see that changing....any time soon. And I can think of no better way to end this than to quote one of my favorite authors...Dr. Seuss. "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

Catholicism Through My Eyes

For those of you who know me, have been in my house...or for those who have simply checked me out on facebook.....you know that I am a Catholic. Am I the worlds best Catholic? Hardly, but I do stand as close to my faith as I possibly can.

Growing up, apparently I was very blessed....because I was brought up with a great sense of self in reference to my religion. My mother always told me that I came from the Doughtery/Etier bloodline and I was fortunate enough to have been born Roman Catholic. The two she felt....gave me something extraordinary in life that others simply did not have. Apparently I was born a double threat and therefore somehow special. Hmmmm

The Catholic faith was always very important in my life growing up and Baptisms, First Communions and Confirmations were huge milestones in our lives. From the beginning I remember my mother teaching us in detail about God, Jesus, the Blessed Mother and all the angels and saints. By the time I was actually of school age, my religious ed teachers were amazed at what I knew. We were a praying family and we said morning prayers, bedtime prayers, prayers before eating, prayers after eating and we said a daily rosary as a family. Prayers were huge in our life and no prayer or set of prayers was more important than the rosary.

I have to say here.....that I have been very surprised over the years at the misconception of Catholics both inside and outside the faith. As a kid I was fortunate enough to be brought up in a small town where religion (all religion) was respected and celebrated. There were even school clubs for the different faiths. There was a club for the Methodist kids, the Baptist kids and of course the Catholic kids. I think there were more than that....but those were the three main ones and the ones that claimed the largest number of active members in both the school clubs and in actual church membership. As I recall...we were all very accepting of each other and it was nothing for a Baptist kid to bring his Catholic or Methodist friends to church and vise versa. As I grew up though....acceptance in the real world was not quite as easily obtained. I learned that after living in a close knit Catholic home and community for years that the outside world held hostility and resentment towards Catholics. Most of this was brought on by misconceptions and the media. However.....it wasn't until I was an adult that I was told by a very nice protestant lady that her belief was that Catholics were a)not Christians and b)a mindless cult. I was shocked, but upon investigation...I was amazed to find that her views were not unlike many protestant and even non-religious people. It took many conversations between us before finally...she did some research of her own and learned that all her feelings about Catholics were not justified.

Why such misconceptions? Lets face it....Catholics have not always been looked on favorably. There have been times throughout history that were not our finest hour and there have been Popes, Cardinals, Bishops and Priests throughout history who have seemed both cruel and hypocritical to what the Catholic Church openly teaches. In modern day....the Catholic Church has been a media blitz of Priests being accused of molesting children with a perception that the church turns a blind eye....and then there have been the Churches unpopular stances on birth control, abortion, women as clergy and gay marriage. As for the modern day issues....the Catholics are not the only religious sect that takes these stands but they are often the most vocal....thus making them a religious target.

As I indicated before.....my religious education started from the womb. My mother was always very open about her beliefs and we learned about our faith not only through religious ed classes but also through long philosophical conversations with her. Her education came from her parents. She was the product of a Catholic father and a Protestant mother. At a time when it was believed that you married within your own faith....my grandfather fell in love with a little Baptist school teacher. At the time her Baptist family had a harder time dealing with them marrying than his Catholic family did.  They were married in the Catholic Church and this was my grandmothers first taste of Catholicism. She watched daily as my grandfather reverently said the rosary, as prayer filled every decision he made and as weekly Mass was never missed. It wasn't long before she wanted the peace and faith that her new husband seemed to get from his religion...so she converted. Family history states that the Baptist side of her family was less than thrilled and some even turned their backs on her. She took it in stride though....for once she was Baptized into the faith....she never looked back.

My grandmothers faith set the standard for the family. Unlike most cradle Catholics....my grandmothers conversion made her appreciate every nuance of the Catholic faith.....a faith she herself chose because of an example my grandfather set.  She loved learning about how Catholics viewed and worshiped God and His holy Son. She loved learning that God held Mary in such high esteem as to make her the mother of His only Son and how much regard Jesus had for His mother.....therefore the Church too held Mary in special regard. She also loved finding out about the saints and the way God used these special ones to spread his message and help the world to see that miracles were not just biblical...but that they happened each and every day. My grandmother took her faith and she bestowed it on each of her children and the love she had found for her church she shared with them. My mother in turn passed it on to us.

One lesson my mother taught me about my church and my faith was that the Catholic Church was the first Christian Church decreed by Jesus Himself and He chose the Apostle Paul as His churches first Pope. All other Christian religions have branched off from the Catholic Church....meaning that most were started by Catholics who left the church throughout history thus starting their own religions. She also taught me that since the beginning...there have been those who wished to destroy the Catholic Church and the best way to destroy it would be from within. Thus....not all Popes, Cardinals, Bishops and Priests have been men of good character and they have done their darndest to cast an evil shadow upon the church. Blessedly...there are more good men who have chosen these vocations than there are bad and the church soldiers on.

Another lesson that my mother taught us was to pray. We learned early on that prayer was the most powerful gift God had given us. The Catholic Church is full of truly beautiful prayers. This is another area where the church takes a hit in the eyes of other religions. Most all Christian religions recognize and also recite The Lords Prayer, but no other prayer is as universal. The Catholic Church has many prayers. We have the Hail Mary which is in honor of the Blessed Mother. Many outside the faith view recitation of this prayer as us worshiping Mary....we do not. It is our way of honoring her. We do have many prayers such as the blessing before meals, a Morning Offering to begin the day, evening prayers and prayers to say on someones death bed. We have the rosary which is a group of prayers and even the Mass. What many don't realize is that the Mass itself is a prayer to God. I am of the belief that it doesn't matter how you pray....as long as you do in fact pray. Yes....I say prayers that I have said my whole life....but I also pray my own prayers from time to time. I have no doubt though....that no matter whether I am reciting a rosary or just speaking with God as if in conversation....He is listening and He hears.

So why all of this talk about Catholicism? Well...of late for some reason....people have been asking me questions. I have been asked about the rosary, what Mass is like and my take on priests in the media limelight. Then the other day I had a friend tell me that he really missed my daily blogs with themes and he suggested I do some blogs on the Catholic faith from my point of view. His exact words were: "Catholicism is the first Christian religion and yet it seems to be one of the most misunderstood religions out there. Why don't you clear up some of those misconceptions in your blog? How about doing a Sunday blog on Catholicism." I have to say the idea intrigued me. Now don't get me wrong. I am not an expert in any religion...not even my own. That being said though....I can definitely blog about my religion through my own eyes. I can also answer questions (to the best of my ability) about my faith. So I have decided to give it a try. Now remember....these are my thoughts, my views and my opinions. Not everyone will agree with what I have to say....not even all Catholics and I am sure that as usual....I will ruffle some feathers. I seem to be really good at that.

Okay....so here you have it. This is my first Sunday of Catholicism through my own eyes. If you have questions about Catholicism or you would like to add anything....please feel free to do so in the comments or just email or fb me. My knowledge may not be vast, but who knows....between us.....we might all just learn a little something.