Put on Your Dancing Shoes

So I am having a bit of a late start today. My little one is out of sorts and I am waiting for him to let me know what is going on with him. So far this morning it has been nothing but snuggles and catnaps. On the whole, not a bad way to spend the first hours of the day, but when you have a special needs kids who is not really verbal, I do more watching than napping. My two main concerns are seizures or a shunt malfunction. The seizures are more scary than they are life threatening for the most part, but the shunt malfunction can be deadly. That is why when he gets very quiet and doesn't want to play or do much of anything, I have to watch for signs of fever, throwing up and lethargy. So far we aren't there. He just had breakfast and is now in his room dumping his toys saying "yee haw." I will take this as a good sign.

Many people have told me that they feel for me and don't know how I do it having a special needs child. I think it would be very easy to fall into the poor me hype if I believed it, but the fact is....I have never felt anything but blessed where my little guy is concerned. God and I talked a lot when David was in the NICU those first few months. As he lay between life and death day after day....I realized that I didn't care what his health issues might turn out to be, I just wanted my boy to have a chance at life. I have been nothing but grateful for each day of his life since. It was adversity that definitely changed me for the better.

Adversity, pain and even suffering are often the things that teach us the greatest life lessons and open our eyes like they have never before been opened. These things are humbling and often wash the grains of selfishness, feelings of self pity and attitudes of entitlement from our sight. They open us up to feelings of gratitude and appreciation for just what we do have. Overcoming adversity in life is what helps to grow a deep inner strength that will serve us well and often in the future.

Monday night all of this kind of came home to me while watching Dancing With the Stars. I have always been a devoted fan as dancing has always been my secret ambition, forget that I have no rhythm, skill and I was blessed with two left feet. Still though, I have watched true ugly duckling feet emerge into light, airy, delicate swans on that show. It gives me hope. This season though, the show seems to be filled with people who are dancing to overcome, fight or just out-run adversity. Some seem to be trying to find what they once had...but lost, others want the world to see them differently and still others are standing up and facing adversity straight in the eye and fighting back. Probably the two most amazing are Jack Osbourne and Valerie Harper.  Osbourne is the son of Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne. Osbourne was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, another autoimmune disease that could eventually leave him wheelchair bound and even take his life. Now though he can dance and he intends to make the best of his time on the show. Funny how that Osbourne family kind of started out as the dysfunctional family we tuned into to laugh at and make us feel better about our own dysfunction. Now though.....they are growing up (all of them) and giving us reason to cheer them on. High five Jack for fighting back!

The other star who has to be the comeback kid story of the year is Valerie Harper of Mary Tyler Moore and Rhoda fame. Earlier this year Harper was given a cancerous brain tumor death sentence with only a couple of months to live. Today, some eight months later her disease seems to be in remission. On researching Harper, I found that her doctors feel that it is not if the cancer comes back but when, however they have no time frame on this and she doesn't seem to be wasting any of that precious time on self pity or what ifs. Instead...she's dancing. Her words were profound when she talked the other night about when she was diagnosed and told of her prognosis. Her first thoughts were "Why me?" Then she said, "Why not me?" She has a wonderful marriage, kids and career. She had really lived for 72 years so why not her? Now though, with her living past her expiration date (as she joked) she is going to do what she thought was unthinkable a few months ago. She is competing on DWTS! Amazing!

Neither Osbourne, Harper or any of the other stars competing this season are working the pity angle. They are there to prove something to themselves first and the rest of the world second and whether they stay in the competition for two weeks or make it to the mirror ball, they will be winners in the fact that they faced their adversity and stepped out of their box. I applaud them all.

Lets face it. We don't get out of this life without some kind of pain, suffering or adversity. They are life lessons....sometimes on how not to do things, sometimes on how we treat people and how they treat us and sometimes....it is  just a lesson in bad things do happen to good people so pick yourself up, dust yourself off and maybe like Osbourne, Harper and the rest.....just put on your dancing shoes!

Changes on the Horizon

Today I heard.....some changes are on the horizon. This means that this week especially, the blogs may either be very short or possibly even non-existent. Fear not though things will all mesh in short order and there will be time for all. I will definitely see to that. Until then though, if you are jonesing for a cmom blog, please feel free to go back and read through the archives. I have around 400+ blogs and hopefully you will find something to entertain you, make you think or possibly even piss you off.

See you soon!

Cmom

I Like........

The weekend was no longer than your average weekend, but somehow this one felt like it dragged. Perhaps it was the incessant migraine that was my constant companion since last Thursday?! I do love fall but it also brings on the weather changes that cause allergies and other nasty occurrences to my upper respiratory system and head. Thankfully though, today the pain is barely noticeable so I am hoping it is on it's way out.

So after this long weekend I think I will start this week out on a more positive note. I think I will shower this blog with likes today. Sounds like a plan to me.

I like: 
going to bed hearing the rain and the occasional rumble of thunder while lightening flashes in the distance.

hearing David laugh. Not just a laugh but that deep down almost makes him snort laugh.

smelling a baby fresh from the bath. That sweet smell attached to little fingers and toes all wrapped in a towel is beyond compare. Perhaps you need to be a momma or grandma to truly appreciate it though.

both the first day and last day of the school year. The excitement on the last day knowing that there is weeks ahead of family time with no time constraints, and the first day knowing that order and schedule are returning to your life.

ice cream in the winter time and hot tea in the summer.

the smell of the kitchen when a roast has been cooking all day.

the feel of towels fresh from the dryer.

an amazing book.

the sound of clothes on the clothesline whipping in the Kansas summer wind.

the first snow of winter (but after that I am over it), the first real storm of spring, hot summer nights and cool autumn evenings.

sitting around a fire with my friends on a cool evening and talking for hours.

movie days with my kids.

snuggles from my puppies.

hugs from my pit bull.

the sound of the train in the distance as I drift off to sleep.

planning and organizing.

Most of all though.....I love a clean house and mine is long over due for a cleaning. Here's to a busy, happy and productive day for all. Happy Monday everyone!

Sports Editing....The New way to Bully in SEK

Perhaps I am wrong but when I think of the term "sports editor" in the newspaper sense, I think of someone who actually writes about sports. When I think of it in small town paper terms, I think of a column full of middle school and high school games, scores and player highlights. But perhaps I am naive in this day and age to think that a sports editor in a small town would actually report on a game, tell about the game and actually give the readers some names of players who did well along with a final score to the game. Apparently I am.

A few days ago someone from my hometown posted an article on facebook that was written about my hometown by a "sports editor" (SE) from an opposing teams town. It was our first high school game of the season and it was an away game. It was about a 2 hour drive to this town and yet quite a few parents and fans made the trip to support our kids and start the season right. I was to say the least shocked when I read this article to find that the (SE) said nothing about any of the players, gave no highlights of the game (other than to indicate that they had beaten us) and did not even give a final score to the game. What this (SE) did do though, was bash my hometown, our high school team and the fans throughout the entire article. So how is that sports writing?

To back up and give you the big picture, the catalyst for this story (according to the SE) was that two "fans" from our side went up and criticized the guy announcing the game over the PA system. The (SE) described one of these women as someone who could be cast as the Wicked Witch if the Wizard of Oz was ever made into another movie and he indicated that these women were hateful and abusive as they verbally attacked the poor announcer. Apparently the (SE) sat in the announcers box and watched the entire incident. After reporting on the unflattering encounter though, he continued to berate my town and our fans. He indicated that this behavior was the result of sour grapes due to the fact that we were losing. He then said that it wasn't fair to "judge" a town by a couple of fans but then he continued on with the bashing. Apparently we weren't cheering our boys on like we should have been and it seems that one of the irate fans thought that the announcer was saying that the opposing team was kicking our teams ass and she thought that a little out of line. What he apparently was saying was SEK (South East Kansas) kicking. Once he realized though that our fans thought he was saying "ass-kicking" he said SEK kicking every chance he got. His final jab at my hometown as a whole was that he was sure we were a fine drinking and gambling Mecca referring to the Casino built several miles outside of town. It was a back handed insult and the last straw for many who read his column.

My original take on the article was who is this guy and when did this kind of thing start passing as sports writing? I then wondered who these women were that so viciously attacked the announcer and why did they do it? My final question was.....did this really even happen and if it did, what was the side of the story that he didn't write about?

As anyone who knows me knows......my filter has so many holes in it that trying to reign in what I was thinking and feeling about this article was futile. The (SE) ended his column by inviting emails and remarks and I wasted no time typing one and sending it. His reply...."Thank you for reading." You could literally feel the smugness come through the computer. I knew I had played into his hands and stroked his over inflated ego. To him....bad attention is better than no attention at all and I am sure he was delighted. I also know that I was not the only one who fed his ego that night.

Yesterday facebook was still abuzz with the article and people posting their replies. There were those that immediately took the article at face value and jumped on the two women who started it all. There were others that felt making waves was not the way to go.  Some felt we simply needed to ignore it and others tried to play devil's advocate and express why said (SE) might have written what he did. Then one of the women who was responsible for "verbally attacking" the announcer talked to me and gave a little bit different version of the story that the (SE) published. I think her side needs to
be told as well.

I have known this woman since she was born. Yes, I am that old. She is the mother of 5 and a staunch supporter of our hometown sports. As you can imagine she has kids playing in some sport year round. Her oldest son is a senior this year and is on the team. She and other team members family's along with some fans made the trek to this other town to support the team. It was the first game of the season and our boys were not playing as good as they could have, but the fans were cheering them just the same. However, it was doubtful that the boys could hear over the announcer and the PA system. The system was so loud that the bleachers were vibrating each time the announcer spoke, which apparently was.....constantly. It seemed the announcer was more enamored with his own voice than he was with what was actually going on with the game. The fans could not even talk to each other at a yell because they were drowned out by his voice. Still, they tried to cheer but knew it was lost in a sea of the announcers "commentating." Because of the loudness of the system itself, much of what he was commentating on was coming out garbled and distorted. This is where the confusion on him saying SEK kicking as opposed to ass kicking came in. All our fans literally heard ass kicking and were appalled that a commentator would say such a thing at a high school game. Then the commentator announced that maybe if our fans would cheer some that our boys might not be losing. That was it. When half time came it was decided that maybe the commentator didn't realize just how loud the system was on our side so someone should go tell him. So the young woman who I have known since birth and who I also know doesn't have a confrontational bone in her body, went up to the box amongst stares from the opposing team and knocked on the glass. At first she was ignored and then signaled to go sit down. She stood strong and finally was asked what she wanted. She asked if there was anyway the system could please be turned down. She was met with rudeness, which she countered with the thought that maybe if they couldn't turn it down, then he might not commentate incessantly. It seems that our "friendly" commentator could dish it out but not take it. Tempers were starting to flare. The young woman then said, "And by the way, was it necessary you saying that your boys were giving our boys an ass kicking?" He immediately corrected her and told her it was SEK and not ass and then let her know if our fans actually cheered our boys on that maybe they would be more inclined to win. IT WAS ON!!! You don't tell a mom who has spent the better part of the last 12 years chauffeuring kids from practice to games, sitting out in the worst weather imaginable, constantly washing uniforms and doing everything possible to support the schools, the team and the kids that she is not cheering them on. Lets just say an unflattering word flew from her mouth during the exchange in which she apologized immediately. All the while this was happening, our friendly neighborhood (SE) sat next to the announcer and laughed. When the exchange was over the young woman took her seat but apparently another fan, an older lady who is a grandma to the core also went up to talk to the announcer. She stepped into the box and as many grandma's do she put her hand on his shoulder to bend down and speak to him. Before a word came out.....the announcer had her thrown out for pushing him. Again....the (SE) was sitting there engulfed in mirth at the whole scene. What was noticed was during the second half of the game the PA system on our side was completely shut off and the game announcing could be heard just fine without the distortion coming form the other sides speakers. Our boys could also now hear their parents and fans cheering for them. It seemed like the whole incident might have resulted in a win for those who came to cheer our boys on.

Okay....should the young woman have lost her temper. No! She knew it too. However it was pretty obvious that she had pissed the announcer off and he goaded her to see how far she would go. Would I have done the same thing had I been in her shoes? Likely someone would have to have ended up posting my bail from an SEK jail. Should she have apologized for her behavior....(I am talking abut the expletive word)? Yes, for everything else....not a chance. Her actions made it so that the second half of the game was at least enjoyable and she did what any good mom does, she stood up for her son and his team. You go girl!

Now on to our one sided (SE) and his fairy tale column that has nothing to do with sports. It was suggested to me by someone that sports writers today write columns about other things and throw a little sports into them from time to time. This (SE) according to a retired writer was obviously going for the humor. Fine. So he should be a (SE) for a big paper or perhaps the title gossip columnist would better suit him. However when you are writing a sports column for a small town newspaper, shouldn't your focus be on the game, the players and the score? Parents want to see their kids name in print, especially if they scored the winning touchdown or ran umpteen yards. Those fans that couldn't attend want to see highlights and a final score. THAT is small town sports writing.

To be honest though, there was far more that concerned me about this article than just some nasty backhanded playground name calling. We are living in a world where kids are showing less and less respect for themselves and others. Bullying is becoming a national pass time and people are being sent the message not to speak up when they see an issue but to keep still and ignore it. Kids take their lessons from adults and how adults handle situations. If people of authority are rude, hateful and nasty, chances are the kids watching will follow suit. If adults bully through exclusion, superiority, rude and hateful comments or sit behind a computer and write berating articles full of factual holes, kids are going to take their cues from that and they will also bully in similar ways. And if people continually choose not making waves over standing up for what is right and standing up against those that try to bully....then they are as much to blame for the societal problems we have as the ones doing the bullying.

Sports are a team building exercise that are suppose to teach our kids how to work together, work hard, respect themselves and their skills and respect those both on their team as well as those on other teams. It is life lesson 101 on how the real world works. It is left to parents, coaches and even (SE) to set the example for these kids. This (SE) did the complete opposite. What he showed his town and their kids and fans was that bullying, name calling and insulting an opposing team is okay. Even funny and definitely acceptable. He showed no integrity as a journalist, as a fan or as an adult in the community that kids look up to. If this (SE) had been so offended by our two fans, why did he just sit there and laugh as his announcer goaded the first lady and had the second lady removed under false pretenses? Why did he not show some integrity, take a stand then and there and tell them that they would lower the PA system (obviously that was in his power) and diffuse the whole situation? Instead he chose to call the two ladies "bad apples" meanwhile he acted as the poisonous worm trying to cause bad blood between two towns.

Perhaps I am just old school but something such as this should be addressed....not because I care what one little ego maniac (SE) thinks about my town, but because he chose to put it in print and pass on information as fact which held very little truth at all. This individual needs to be taken to task because he is perpetuating negativity, bad sportsmanship and yes....bullying by his very actions. And lets not forget..... he calls himself a (SE) but didn't even report the final score. I personally think if I were his employer, I might just have to give him an SEK kicking and look for a real sports editor for my paper.

Sean Penn....Where Are You?

So fair warning....I am in a gritchy mood. I have the headache from hell, two kids home sick with stomach issues, someone dissed my town in another small town paper and I have found that yet another child that I know has cancer. Nope....not a happy day in Lisaland. Guess it is good that this is my political/social issue day. Hold on because I have no idea what is going to be typed next!!!!

Today class, we are going to speak on convictions, respect and war. You may want to take notes. You know sometimes when there are two opposing sides and you are on one side and there are those on the other side that complain, protest and stick to their guns year after year? In time, even if you do not agree with them, you do tend to develop a certain amount of respect for the fact that they are so firmly grounded in their beliefs to stick with them for the long haul. This has been the anti-war movement and myself. I have always felt that there are times that you must fight for things on both a small and large scale. To me war is large scale and when we as a country are threatened or called upon to protect, sometimes war is the only way. The anti-war brigade though feel that there is always a better way and will preach this sentiment from the roof tops.

WWII was a war we really had no choice in. We saw it coming but Pearl Harbor was the last straw and it was on. As a country we drew together and fought the enemy. There really wasn't any other recourse and men and women were proud to serve their country anyway they could. Since that time though, we have been drawn into some questionable wars. Because of this a growing liberal populace have become very anti-war. During the mid to late sixties the anti-war protesters began taking a new pulpit when high profile people such as singers and even movie/tv stars began using their popularity as a way to get their message to the masses. Woodstock and the Monterrey Pop Festival were nothing but a constant stage full of musical anti-war messages and.....the people were listening. Now 40 some year later, we still have liberal celebrities speaking out against wars. Any wars. All wars. Some are the same people who began speaking out in the 1960's and some are merely a new generation who have decided to carry the torch.

Peace! What a wonderful thought but not all countries want peace and not all people want to live in peaceful harmony. Still though....the anti-war Hollywood elite can still be heard protesting the talk of war right and left. You have to give them credit for wanting something so beautiful and speaking out decade after decade even if world peace is but a pipe dream at this point. Some have taken their battle cry to offending countries hoping that their world wide celebrity might somehow make them ambassadors of peace and good will, unfortunately some bash the United States of America in the process thus leaving other countries with a mixed message about how Americans feel about themselves and their country. Still though....I too would like to see eventual peace, therefore I do have a modicum of respect for the ideals that Susan Sarandon, Sean Penn, Cheryl Crow, Bruce Springsteen and all the other liberal anti-war celebs who continue to use their celebrity as a soapbox have. That is why recent events have me quite baffled.

Syria, a little country that has virtually nothing to do with the USA used chemical warfare on their own people. I guess that is called civil war by most standards. Civil wars have happened in most countries at one time or another....even in America. What happened in Syria was an atrocity and devastating, but quite frankly....not our fight. Still President Obama for some reason decided we should bomb the hell out of Syria because of this civil war. Many Americans that have supported wars in the past such as the Iraq war after 9/11 are now loudly saying "No! This is not our war!" Syria does not want us involved, Syria's allies don't want us involved and most of the American people don't want us involved and yet the president somehow feels we should be involved. There are those that say if we do get involved, we could be opening the door for WWIII and with both chemical and nuclear warfare likely to be used....there aren't too many that are going to come out on the good side of this. In fact....it is doubtful if there would be a good side when all is said and done. So where  are Sarandon, Penn, Crow, Springsteen and the rest of the anti-war celebs? Crickets.

These people who have taken every opportunity to protest war since the mid 1960's have suddenly and quite obviously been struck deaf, dumb and blind....otherwise they would realize that of all the war they have protested, this would be the one they would likely get the majority of the country behind. I have waited for Penn to angrily disavow the very idea of this war and berate Obama for even thinking of such an act. Sean Penn....where are you???? I have waited to see Sarandon holding an anti-war sign somewhere....anywhere and speaking out for peace. I have waited to see Crow and Springsteen use their stage to say that this president is in the wrong and the people need to rally support against the thought of this war, but there has been nothing. Have these people all left the country or is there something more to this?

Earlier this week, Breitbart posted an interview with liberal anti-war actor Ed Asner on why Hollywood is suddenly silent. His answer? The left are afraid of looking racist for speaking out. WTH????? These celebs have spoken out against war during every preceding presidency since the 60's and they were never afraid of offending anyone before now, but because Obama is black they are afraid of speaking out for fear of being labeled racist????? Are you kidding me???? Asner went on to give a few other less than credible excuses for the lack of Hollywood response but the glaring truth was evident. These celebs were living in fear of looking "anti-black!" Nice. So all of this anti-war, give peace a chance and war is murder talk that we have been hearing from these people for decades was in fact just a load of crap? Apparently their convictions about war aren't quite as strong as they have let on, and out the window goes any respect I had for them and their so-called beliefs. They have officially lost any credibility in my opinion and in the opinions of many Americans.

Okay class, so what have we learned today? Syria is not our war, so we need to stay out of it. No one including Syria, the United Nations and Syria's allies want us involved in this. Oh...and we also learned that the Hollywood anti-war elite are nothing but a bunch of spineless entities whose convictions are about as strong as a wet kleenex. Class dismissed!

Family is Who Has Your Heart

So we all are related to someone through a bloodline. Sometimes that is a good thing backed by pride and respect and sometimes, we'd just as soon cover our heads and pretend like we didn't know certain members of our family.

Family in the true sense of the word has always meant a great deal to me. As a kid growing up with one little brother who was six and half years younger than me, it made for a lonely existence. The age difference made me feel like an only child for much of my life and quite honestly, that was the last thing I wanted to be. I had a rich imagination though and I used to dream of being a part of a big family where I had siblings close to my age and where my parents were together and everyone sat around a huge dinner table with lots of glorious noise and fun and all the other stuff that my young imagination thought was big family norm.

My loneliness would ebb some when we went to family gatherings or reunions on my mothers side. I was one of 45+ grand kids and at the youngish end at that. At those gatherings I was one of many and I felt apart of something much bigger than just myself. There was always someone to talk to, play with and there wasn't a second of loneliness. I always dreaded the end of those wonderful times and did my best to stay in touch with members of my huge family tree. This is probably why I became so involved in genealogy. I had a desperate need to be apart of a family with deep roots and huge branches.

In high school (and still to this day) one of my closest friends was part of family that boasted 12 kids. There were a half a dozen boys and a half a dozen girls. My friend was third to the youngest. From the first moment I stepped into her house of constant happenings.......I was smitten. There was always someone there, some kind of activity and I never wanted to leave. It was the family that I had always dreamed of. When things went south at my house, which they tended to do from time to time...I took refuge at her house. I am sure there were times they wondered if I would ever leave or possibly I just got lost in the shuffle of all the activity. Over the years, these people actually did become like family to me and I gained two of my closest life long friends from this family. Many members of this family attended both the happy and sad major events in my life...which was more than some of my immediate bloodline family did. It was the beginning.

I believe it was about the time I hit my mid to late twenties that I was starting to realize something that a lot of us learn with time. Family doesn't always have to be chosen for us. Sometimes we get to choose. Blood does not always equal family. Sometimes friends become family because they are closer to us, know more about us and are there for us when blood family can't or wont be. Sadly it was a concept lost on my own immediate family.

One time I was talking to my mother about a couple of my friends being as close (if not closer) than some members of my immediate family. Mom I think was offended even though she knew it was not her I was referring to. In my moms head, family was family and friends were friends. You drew a line in the sand with a double standard marking the spot. Family could be friends....HOWEVER....friends could NOT be family. This came from my mothers reclusive tenancy's and pride in family I am sure,

After both my mother and my husband died....two huge holes were left in my immediate family tree. It was at this time that I started learning a lot more about the friends as family dynamic and just how it pertained to my life. In the last few years my family has grown to include many wonderful friends. I have had friends travel great distances so I would not be alone in a strange hospital with a sick child. I have had friends travel distances to help me out with David after his surgery. I have had people come in and cook for me, clean my house and make sure the rest of my family was cared for while I cared for David. None of these people were my immediate blood family. They were all friends....who were fast becoming family. 

Now don't get me wrong....I love my family and I still adore all my cousins, aunts and uncles. I love getting together with them when life and circumstance allows. I have gained nieces and nephews and inlaws over the years that also have my heart. However, right here in my own little world.....my family has grown exponentially as those who have been friends crossed over the threshold into family. Apparently too, I am not the only one whose family has grown as I know that I have had the honor in a couple of families to stand in as sister, niece, grand daughter and even mom. I guess the family tree continues......

Okay.....so now you know a little more about me and my childhood longings and adult revelations. Another Thursday down. I tell you....these about me blogs are hard and don't seem to be getting any easier. Sigh. So one final thought. I know just how blessed I am to have the people in my life that I have, both blood and friends. I hope too that I always remain worthy of keeping these people close. Remember though, when the family/friend lines seem to get a little blurred........ family is who has your heart....not just your blood. 

****Dedicated to Berty, Thiry, Marni, Chris, Steve, Kevin....and all the rest who have become part of my wonderful extended family. I hope you know what you all mean to me. 

I Pray.....A Lot

I, like many Americans at this time (8:01 a.m.) twelve years ago was fairly oblivious to anything that wasn't in my own little world. Politics, other countries and people that hated me and my country were certainly not on the forefront of my mind. I was still reeling from losing my husband just a couple of months earlier and trying to take care of three kids and a mother who had just had her lung removed and still insisted on going to get her nails done. My world was in the car I was driving and my mom and my kids that I was chauffeuring that morning. Nothing else seemed to exist outside that present moment. I was in auto-pilot and wondering if my life would ever see a normal again. It was hard to imagine that by days end the world I took for granted outside the little shell that I had created would be turned upside down and inside out and the world would have a front row seat to witness it.

It makes me wonder how many people died upon impact that day and how many had to suffer before the end? Was there time for some to hit their knees in prayer? Was God's name on their lips as their world was ending and they knew there was no escape? I have heard it said that even atheists look to God in times of great fear and tragedy and surely on that day, in those Twin Towers as the fire burned and the buildings imploded, there were many bargaining, begging and eventually.....hopefully making peace with their Creator.

In the days, weeks and months following 9/11, when people had the time to think, process and start blaming....I did hear God called out by several. How could God allow this to happen? It is a sentiment that has been thrown out on many occasions in the last couple of decades. Whether it is the bombing of a federal building, a school shooting or the taking down of the Twin Towers, some seem to find God to be the one they point the finger at. Why? Do people not realize that God made "man" with the gift of free will? He gives the gift but it is up to man to decide how to use it. It would be like someone giving someone else a car. The giver is being generous and gives the car with the intention of making the person mobile, independent and productive. The giftee has the choice to use that car as it was intended or to drive while drunk, drive and text, drive too fast or to use the car to break the law. Whatever the giftee does with that car though, is not the givers fault. The fault lies squarely with the giftee and the same goes with our free will. God cannot be blamed for man's bad choices....and on the flip side to that is that we can't be quick to blame God for the bad that happens and yet never acknowledge the good...and trust me, the good far outweighs the bad.

Today I think back and remember the disbelief as the news on the car radio broke in and said the first plane had hit the Twin Towers. It was incomprehensible that this wasn't an accident. Someone surely just went badly off course and "accidentally" hit the tower head on. As I waited in the car with the kids, David sleeping in his seat and Z hopping from seat to seat waiting for Grandma, I listened. I thought of the people I knew in New York or close by and said a prayer for their safety. I could hear the stress in the news casters voice as they broke into national news and gave bits and pieces of information as it came in.

When my mother emerged from the salon a look of shock and sadness was in her eyes. She had been watching the news on tv as she got her nails done. She saw first hand the devastation that New York was dealing with and she knew what was starting to sink in all over the country.......our lives would never be the same. You can't unsee the towers collapsing, the injured and dazed people covered in ash and debrit walking through the streets and the newscasters trying to hold their composure as they reported the damage and death. You also can't unhear the sirens, people screaming and the sounds of a country caught off guard and terrorized by a people who wanted not just these people dead, but all Americans. It is a day that will be embedded in American lives forever.

For me, 9/11 brought home yet again, that in the blink of an eye that which we know and count on can be gone. I learned that day that there are people in this world that have taken their free will and used it for hate, destruction and death and my country and my people seem to have a target on their back. Never again will I feel completely safe in my bed. Never again will I completely trust my government and never again will I have the naivety that as Americans we are untouchable. Since that day, I do spend a lot of time wondering what this world will be like for my kids? Will they someday have to worry about their own safety and the safety of their families? Will peace just be a word with no meaning and will their rights and freedoms be nothing more than an old discarded piece of paper? I hope not and for them, my country and it's leaders.....I pray.....a lot!