So Ready for the Weekend

June has been such a poser this year. It has spent a great deal of its time trying to be Florida and August all rolled into one. Truthfully....June and I are on the outs a little bit. Thanks to its high humidity and 100+ temps for a good portion of the month, I had to turn my AC on early thus causing a higher than normal electric bill....earlier than normal. The only thing that will keep me from going into the poor house this summer is if July tries to pose as Seattle and April. Then we might be good. I know! I know! Not gonna happen!. 

Today is my last day of work for four days. Yay me! Well let me rephrase. Today is my last day "at" work for four days. I sincerely doubt it is my last day of work. Although I do have a plan to do as little as I can possibly get by with over the weekend. In case you can't tell.....I am SO ready for this weekend! I am also pleased to announce that we are making progress on the home front. One of the three lawn mowers is currently working and with a little overhauling.....there is hope for the other two. Oven is fixed, and frig will be giving us both ice and water by the weekend. The pool still remains green but should be clear by Saturday (fingers crossed). There is still a hole in my wall....but at least things are moving forward. And no....I did none of this on my own. Most of it is coming from borrowing someone elses husband...yet again. I am tellin' ya.....I am seriously thinking that I need to get me one of those. Husbands that is! (One of my own...not someone elses!)

I have been challenged yet again. Why do people keep challenging me???? This time the challenge is to go the entire month of July drinking only water. During Lent....that is basically what I did, but this say's ONLY water. No flavored water, no soda, no Crystal Light....JUST water. I think this is really doable. I have drank some soda since Easter....but very limited compared to what I was drinking going into Lent. Turning my back on soda yet again should be fairly easy. However....I will have to put my own amendment into the mix and say only water and tea. I MUST have my tea. It is no longer a want and far more a need. So for the month of July water and tea will be the official beverages of Lisaland! Oops....perhaps I should put a disclaimer on here (Alcohol is also an acceptable beverage on weekends, holidays and all days ending in "y") There...I am covered!

So day three of my headache rages on. Thus the late posting. I can't make my head stop hurting long enough to think. I am thinking once 3 p.m. rolls around...there will be a nap in my future. I REALLY need it! Hopefully I can get this headache beast tamed before the weekend....or that may throw a monkey wrench in everything.

Last Thursday in June...so here go the Shout Outs!

A shout out to Wyatt Rowden who turned the big "2" yesterday! Happy Birthday Wyatt.

A huge shout out to Chris O'Daniel for working on my mowers and working on my frig. And thank you too Niki for loaning him to me!

A shout out to Johnny Pride of Pride Pools who is working on my pool. Without him....my pool would stay permanently green.

And finally....a huge...huge shout out to all the fireman who will be out and on call for this holiday weekend. Without you and in this dry heat.....the results could be complete disaster!

Prayers:

Prayers for the Chris Henderson family. Chris is currently recovering in one of the local hospitals and both he and his family could use a lot of prayers.

Prayers for Boomer Nichols. He is one of the cutest little wiener dogs you have ever seen and he is not doing well. Please pray for both Boomer and his mama Tina.

Prayers for all who will be traveling this holiday weekend that they will make it to their destinations and back home again.....safely!

And finally....once again....prayers for all who wake up everyday with the one goal of serving their country. Please pray for all of our military....especially those on foreign land. Please keep them safe and bring them home soon.

Here is wishing each of you a wonderful and safe holiday weekend. Happy Happy Thursday!!!!!!

To Offend....Or Not!

Well I am over half way through my work week this week. Today will be a long day and then tomorrow I will be in the home stretch of a four day weekend. I can almost smell the pool chlorine and sulfurous firecrackers from here. Ahhh sweet summer!

So I would like to say a word (or several hundred) about blogging. As most of you know....I have been doing some form of blogging/writing/journaling since I was old enough to write my own name. It has been just this last year though...that blogging has become a daily occurrence. It was a New Years resolution of sorts to set a goal and stick with it. It was one of several....but this one was the only one that seemed to stick. For those who blog....you will understand that a blog is a part of you. It is your thoughts, ideas and creativity all rolled into a piece of work that is put out for the world (depending on your number of followers) to see. Bloggers.....like artist, musicians and entertainers leave themselves very vulnerable to the world by putting such a large and important part of themselves up for praise or criticism. But for most of us.....knowing that we can influence an emotion, a thought or a mood makes the possible ego blows worth every second of it. 

So here's the deal. Along with putting a part of yourself out there through blogging....you also have to put on your big girl panties and be willing to take whatever interpretation the individual reader takes away from your blog....and also the praise or in some cases criticism that follows. It is just part of the deal. Many bloggers will either disable comments or regulate comments (not allowing them to post until the blogger has read them and approved them). Those that don't regulate often delete that which is unflattering. I however feel that praise is great....but criticism is even better! Why? Because first of all...it shows that you got a reaction from a reader. Good, bad or indifferent....it was still a reaction and a strong enough one to invoke a comment. Second...it pulls bloggers out of the sense that everything they blog is perfect and there is no room for improvement. And finally.....comments....especially the less than flattering ones....make great blog fodder. 

In the last 150+ days I have gotten many comments. I don't monitor my comments before they post and I don't simply get comments on my blog. I have gotten comments through fb, instant messaging and email. For the most part they have been positive, but every know and again....I get the ones that let me know that all in Lisaland don't agree with the queen! Often it is a perception thing and sometimes I simply rub someone the wrong way. It happens and that is okay. I honestly think the only time I would ever remove a comment from public view is if it were there with no other purpose than to spam or was offensive (funny word) to other readers. Aside from that.....it is a free country and you are entitled to your opinion....and I would like to think I am woman enough not to fall apart over a little criticism. 

So this brings us to a blog I wrote the other day Fix Me. If you read me....then you know the blog I am referring to. It was my take on that day and my life....as are almost all my blogs. Apparently though....that day I rubbed someone completely wrong....and yes....OFFENDED them. In fact....I offended them so much that they felt the need to reiterate how "offended" they were....numerous times. For some reason though, they did not want me to know whom I offended as they left the comment signed Anonymous!  What is more....Anonymous was so sure that I would be offended at how offended that he/she was....that I would just delete the comment and go off licking my hurt feelings and blogger wounds in some corner. Oh contrare! I not only kept the comment....but I have chosen it to spotlight and blog about. So here is Anonymous:

 

I am a professional blog reader. Well, I do have a full time job but my favorite past time is reading blogs. I like your blogs usually, but this one not so much. I think it struck me wrong. I know all of your other comments are glowing and positive, so I am sure you will be deleting this one but I really thought you needed more feedback than just the usual ego stroking I see you getting. First of all I was somewhat offended by the fact that you suggested marrying someone for any reason other than love. I know it was tongue and cheek but you never know who is reading your blog and who might take you seriously. To suggest marrying someone for personal gain is so shallow and offensive, I think there might be a reason you need a dating website to find a man. What man wants to be married just to be used. It's offensive. I know that may sound harsh but your blog was offensive. I also know that you have difficulties in life but why does that stop you from learning to fix your own mower or put up sheet rock? The fact that you whine about needing someone to do those things for you is also offensive. Does it every occur to you that lots of women don't have a man around and have to do those things for themselves? It kind of gives strong, independent women a bad name and that is offensive to women everywhere. I am sorry if this comes off as harsh and like I said I know you will probably delete this, but I thought you ought to know that your blog offended one of your readers. I wish you had a "I didn't care for it" box that I could check. I still like you and your blogs, just not this one. It was offensive!

Hmmmm......I have to admit, when I first read this, I was taken aback. Had my words really offended this individual so much that they had to use the word offended a dozen times to get the point across of just how offended they were? Apparently! It actually made me go back and read the blog several times to see if it truly was offensive. After several reads and a few other comments posted from others.....I came to the conclusion that this comment like all others was all about one persons perception and someone finding intent in my words that they themselves placed there. After careful consideration (okay....about 30 seconds worth)....I decided that today I would answer this comment with a retort of my own. So here goes:

Dear Anonymous: 

First of all thank you for reading. And since you do read...I am sure that you realize that my blogs are in fact tongue and cheek most of the time...this time was no different. However....after saying that, I make no apologies for not being able to find the time or money to do all that I need to do. My blog is my venting place and those that read come to commiserate, to count their own blessings and sometimes just to sit back and laugh. To suggest that I might in fact marry my next husband not so much for love but for his handi-man skills should actually offend no one but perhaps my next husband...and only then if he finds what he gets in trade to be lacking. (I am talking about my cooking...get your mind out of the gutter!) However...you may have a point about the reason I need to find my next husband on a dating site. I will definitely take that into consideration. So Anonymous....as you can see, I have zero desire to delete your comment...in fact it has been the brain child for today's blog and for many comments in the past 24 hours. I do feel bad that you chose to be offended not once but a dozen times by my words but unfortunately that is where my contrition ends. Bottom line is.....I am who I am and I write how I write and if you find me offensive.....perhaps you should just remove my blog from your professional reading list.

Now I am tugging up the big girl panties and moving on to retro commercial Wednesday. I have to end this last Wednesday in June with an amusing commercial compiling smoking , beloved cartoon characters and sexism into one umm...errr...entertaining short spot! Here are the Flinstones and Winstons. Have an awesome Wednesday. 

Don't Tick Off the IT Guy

I just have to start today by saying....YAY!!!! Lindsay is back!!!! This is followed by tears of joy. For those of you who aren't regular readers.....Lindsay is the one who keeps my son Davids world revolving and evolving while I work. She keeps me sane and keeps David happy and our world has fallen out of syn recently......because she has been on vacation. Thus last weeks melt down and scheduling conflicts due to my inability to keep things running smoothly, without large amounts of help. We have her till August and then she is off to some university who has a big ol' red and blue chicken hawk as its mascot. Eeewww! When she leaves....there will just be no hope for my scheduling and David will be perpetually pissed. If she really cared...she would go to CCCC, but apparently neither she nor her parents feel that my lack of scheduling skills trumps her ability to get a good education. Hmph....some people! So we have her for another 6 weeks....and then we are on our own. I am sure this is not the last of my whining over this situation.

Now that my world is sort of falling back into some kind of normal....whatever that is, it feels kind of nice. My pool pump motor will be fixed tomorrow and I plan on getting in the pool Thursday after work and not emerging until Tuesday.....just before I have to go to work. Actually this upcoming four day weekend is going to be a busy one. Along with having family, kids and whoever else running in and out of my house, there will also be cheesecake baking, getting Z's license, cleaning, laundry, party going, and fireworks. With all of this.....I know this weekend is going to fly by....but for now....just the thought of something different makes the week seem to go a little faster and be a little less mundane.

To give you a few updates...the plants which I planted and thought were dead....well a couple seemed to have survived....despite my best efforts to kill them. The chair remains hidden in my junk room and still unfinished, but I am thinking that will be a nice fall project. The weight is still coming off in small increments....slowly, but there are no gains....so all is good. Working out has fallen to the wayside as I can't get motivated in the heat. Perhaps some nice water aerobics would be the ticket. No heads have hit sheet rock although I still have a gaping hole staring at me. Oven is being repaired......lawn mower as of yet has not. No teenagers have pushed me to the brink lately....and I am not even going to open my mouth about seizures. All in all....things aren't that bad....and they could be a whole lot worse.  So for right now....this very second....I really can't complain, although....we all know that at the drop of a hat....that could change!

So today I leave you with a story who's moral is......don't tick off the IT Guy! Apparently the CEO of a Baltimore substance abuse facility learned this the hard way. By firing the IT guy....he unleashed his wrath and gave him more than enough reason to use his technical powers for anything but good.

Once let go...said IT guy cyber stalked his fellow employees and unleashed mischief of the email kind, switching message recipients and starting a bit of infighting over personal comments not meant for certain peoples eyes. He also played with the CEO's email account sending out fake emails to the facilities distribution list. However.....arguably the most interesting/humorous/embarrassing act of shenanigry happened when IT guy threw a little porn into the CEO's power point presentation touting his accomplishments to foundation big wigs and city officials. Oops!

While we have all had a boss who done us wrong and we would probably love to do a little harmless pranking to get back, IT guy might have had more sinister plans as his antics continued to escalate. Once  his "pranks" led back to him....his house was searched for evidence and the police found homemade gun silencers. Perhaps embarrassment was not all our IT guy had in store for his nemesis CEO! Whatever the case....IT guy is currently serving probation and community service for his technologically bad deeds and CEO has a power point presentation that he will never forget!

So on that note....I wish you a very Happy Tuesday!

From Beginning to End...and Back Again!

Double post today! Are you excited? Well....just go with it any way! As I told you....I was not one of the lucky 12 finalists to make it in Blogger Idol, although I was most assuredly in the top 13. (snicker) Poor judges having to decide between me and someone else. But the BI judges have decided to let those of us who just barely missed the mark (meaning me and the other 40 auditioners) play along and do the same challenges that the finalists are given. Of course there are no prizes or winners....just some excellent writing practice and of course some wonderful blogging ideas.

So this weeks challenge/assignment was posted today. It goes as follows:
Your week 1 assignment is to introduce yourself to your audience, and the people that will be voting for you.  Give them a good dose of who you are. Remember, this is going to be where they start picking favorites, so make sure that they want to pick you.  Don't make it about you and your blog, make it about YOU as a person.  You can not use the same thing that you used for your audition. Well here goes blogger fans!

Me? Since I tend to make everything about me....you would think that I would have no problems introducing Me, but it isn't quite as easy as it sounds. When I blog....it is easy to share the parts of me that I want the world to know, but to have to bare my soul in such an assignment....well that is a bit more difficult.

The basics of who I am are as follows. I am a 40ish mother of five. My two oldest are my late husbands by another marriage and yet to me...they are still apart of me and who I am. Then I have my three younger kids one in his twenties, one in his teens and my youngest who is ten and who is my special young man. In 2000 while pregnant with my youngest son, I went into labor 13 weeks early. His life  lay precariously between an NICU incubator and death for the first five months of his existence and his prognosis if he survived was poor. Being the fighter that he was though....he proved everyone wrong and not only survived...but thrived. We took him home on no meds, no tubes, and the doctors declared him a bona fide miracle. His official diagnosis is cerebral palsy, hydrocephalus, developmentally delayed and hearing and visually impaired. With all that....he is the heart and soul of our family and many days the reason I smile.

Within five months of bringing him home....my entire life changed. One morning I woke up with my life going in one direction and by the time my day had ended....I was spinning out of control in a completely different direction. On July 2, 2001 I took my mother to the doctor. We knew the news might not be good...as a spot had been found on her lung. The worst was verified....she had stage 3 lung cancer. Having her lung removed was her only hope of survival. Still processing this information and not knowing what to do with it....I went home to find that my husband had died of a brain aneurysm with only my then five year old there to handle the situation. I had gone from being married to widowed in just a few short hours. And within a years time....I went from having a mom to being orphaned because of cancer.

Who I am now is a direct result of who I have been in the past. My joy, my grief and my struggles have brought me to where I am today. In the last decade I have gone from having a familial support system and the partnership of a marriage...to doing it all on my own. I never signed up for all that has transpired in my life nor the challenges that have been tossed at me from all directions, but out of all the chaos.....a person that I didn't even know existed....has emerged. I have also been inundated with life lessons that possibly in another life situation might have had little or no meaning for me....but now are truths which I hold dear.

Who I am now...is a woman who takes nothing for granted and realizes that everyone and everything in my life are gifts. I never walk out the door or leave someone I love without telling them what they mean to me. I appreciate even the smallest moments that might once have been overlooked and understand what "special" truly means. I know medical terminology better than most, I know what questions to ask and when, I can have a sex talk with a son and not blush, I can run a house, take care of finances, hold down a job (sometimes two) and raise kids....and do it all on my own. Most of all though....I have learned that even in the worst situations....there are always blessings and out of everything, both the good and the not so good.... I have found a strength, a peace and even a bit of  humor that I never knew was a part of me.

My story is not one to pity nor to admire. It is merely the story of woman, like many women who started life one way and in the blink of an eye ended up sideways, on her own and without an owners manual to life or her kids. I have been living Life for Dummies ever since and despite all odds....I seem to be getting the hang of it. Oh...don't get me wrong....there are still obstacles, speed bumps and often times unexpected and unwanted situations and circumstances. But the good news is...I am learning to dodge the obstacles, slow down for the speed bumps and not panic, freak or fall apart during the unexpected and unwanted.

If you have read my blog...you will know that I am not Mother of the Year, I can't handle my tequila, and I tend to make everything about me...because truthfully...most things are. I can at times be wickedly funny and other times, just wicked. I am often innovative (especially when it comes to getting out of something), and always and forever... a work in progress. I love my kids, my life and all my extended family and friends...I just don't love them all at the same time and God love them...they know it.  So this is me folks...walking the tight rope of life without a net and that takes us From Beginning to End....and Back Again!

Fix Me!

Why does it seem likewhen something breaks....then other things feel the need to  follow suit? First..the last of my three mowers decided to call it quits and then yesterday....the motor on my pool decided it no longer wanted to do it's job. So now my lawn is growing ever higher and my pool is turning green. Oh the joys of summer. Honestly though.....my whole house has so many jobs that need to be done in it...I could be working on it for the rest of my life. For someone who liked piddling around a house....my house would be a handi-mans paradise. For me....not so much! I have decided that the first time I married, I married for love. Next time....it will be for handi-man services. My poor Tim.....God love him, could do just about anything in a kitchen.....except repair it! And God forbid if he tried to do a repair....even a minor one....it almost always meant disaster.

Looking around....my house is so desperately in need of repair. It needs  new interior doors, new windows, new sheet rock (where certain heads met certain walls), removal of popcorn from ceilings and hardwood floor refinishing and that is just phase one! Some of this stuff I am sure that I could do myself.....if time permitted and I had any skills or money. But none of the above seem to be the case!

Truth be told....I have had a couple of affairs with married men since I have lived back in this old house. Of course they were handi-man affairs....and their wives were fully aware and really didn't even seem to care too much at all. In fact....sometimes they would even come and watch. Sadly though....they both left me....as I apparently became too needy and my repairs became too excessive. Yeah....we still see each other from time to time but gone are the days when they arrived willing to put in a new floor or new sink. Now we just have the occasional fence repair or possible bathroom ceiling fix....but it is quite obvious that they are  waaaay over the thrill of fixing my house! And I won't lie....I have even resorted to paying for it....once! The whole experience was way too expensive and not very satisfying at all.....as I had to end up fixing his fixes! Sigh.....I so need a man who wields a mean hammer and actually knows that when turning a bolt....right is tighty! Double sigh!

So as Monday's go....other than my repair woes.....everything seems pretty okay. The house is quiet and everyone but me is still enjoying this early summer morning deep in sleep. As this is only a four day week....I am optimistically hopeful about its prospects. Hopefully this second half of my summer is even better than the first and honestly....except for a glitch here and there....the first half hasn't been too terribly bad at all.

So today's spotlight is a little girl who came into my life two years ago. I fell in love and then we lost her. Recently....she has come back and she has taken my heart yet once again. Her name...little Miss Saleen.

If you have read my blogs from way back or followed me on fb....you may remember Saleen coming into my family and then being taken away. It was a heart breaking time for all of us and one that left a bigger pain in my heart than I realized. Saleen we believed.....was my grandchild....only to find out that was not the case.

Saleen and her mommy are back though. And triy as hard as I can....I cannot help but fall for this little blond haired beauty. She has come back into our lives and captured all our hearts. I am sure some will think me very foolish to set my heart up for possibly another major break....but I simply can't help it. This little girl has grabbed ahold....so I can only hope that this go around has a better outcome than the last.....but even if it doesn't, I can't ever imagine regretting....loving this little tike.

And so....time to make this hot summer Monday sizzle. Hope your day is fantastic...and Happy...Happy Monday!

A Little Bit of Wonderful

Sunday....ahhhh how wonderful! Once again it is afternoon before I have actually found the time to blog. My weekends just seem to be crazy anymore. This morning we made it to church, then Z drove us all over the country, then on to Walmart (seems to be my new Sunday home....right next to church) and then we arrived home to get everything ready to barbecue. I just now sat down.

Yesterday was also crazy. Having stayed away from the ER for quite sometime.....I found myself visiting again. I won't give you the gory details, but lets just say....I learned some interesting facts about what blueberries (eaten in large quantities) will do to a 10 year old's digestive tract and colon. Once I learned he was not hemorrhaging internally....we did find that his blood pressure was running low and on doing some blood work, that he was fighting a low grade virus. One IV bag of fluid and about an hour long ER nap and he was good to go. Mom's nerves though....were pretty much shot. However....I will take an in and out visit to the ER over the getting admitted kind....every time.

This morning was kind of a break through of sorts for my family. Today was the first Sunday in well over a year that Z, David and I attended Mass as a family. There for awhile....David got so loud and so distracting in church that we just stopped taking him. That and every time we turned around he was having a seizure!!! So I started going to early Mass so that Z could watch David and then Z would go to a later one. This morning we decided to try David  just to see how he did. We sat in the gathering space outside the actual church doors. It is where parents usually take their crying babies. Because there weren't a lot of people for David to get attention from.....he was really good. And there were just enough little kids coming in and out that they held his attention. Before we knew it....Mass was over and David had done beautifully. It looks like we will be attending mass as a family once again. What an awesome Sunday gift!!!!

I only have four days to work this week and then I will bask in the glow of a four day weekend. No one knows just how bad I need this weekend. Hopefully there will be no unpleasant procedures involved, nor ER trips nor any other unpleasantness. With any luck it will just be family, fun and a whole lot of relaxation. I am keeping my fingers crossed that the worst of the summer is behind us! There are also one or two pretty exciting things that maybe lurking in our future. As they are just in the beginning stages....I will not elaborate too much....but I have hopes that they might turn into some pretty wonderful things. And I think we could all use a little wonderful in our lives.

On that note....I think I will leave you on this beautiful...but very HOT Sunday. Here is hoping that your day is full of family, love and maybe even a little fun! Happy Sunday everyone!

 

Peaceful Feelings

Well....yesterday came and went with very little recollection. The parts that I do have a vague memory of weren't particularly pleasant....so it is probably good that the memories are vague. The one thing however.....that I do remember and which rang out loud and clear was that I am fine. No problems, no issues and a clean bill of health. While I still don't know whether I will be jumped back to the five year plan or jumped forward to the one year plan....I am just happy that this year is over and that all is well. The side pain is evidently muscular and I will be hitting up my regular dr. for some muscle relaxers and call it good. Peace of mind is such a wonderful thing.....and something I have so seldom....I believe I will just bask in it while I can.

The sad news.....I did not make the top 12 for Blogger Idol. Sigh!!!! I am sure however that I was probably the 13th one and it was most likely a hard fought battle between me and #12. (Shhhhhh.....I can lie to myself if I want to!) I do now though, get to play a blogger god of sorts and help decide who does and doesn't make it to the finale. While I haven't had much of a chance yet to check out the contenders....I plan on doing it thoroughly this weekend and getting my vote on every week. I am sure you will see my shameless promotion of my favorites on here quite often....along with my heartfelt encouragement for you to go and vote too. I do want to say though....good luck to all the winners....oh and look out next year.....'cause Mama's gonna be in Idol #2!

Reading yesterday's blog, I had to laugh. That was written pre-anesthetic and it was pretty out there. Guess that is what spending your night upright and sleepless gets you. I have to admit my head was in a pretty bad place yesterday morning. Even on my way to the procedure and during the prep....right up to the time that they put me out.....I was a nervous mess. My blood pressure jumped to 153/93 and the nurses were laughing at me. My heart rate was fluctuating between 95 and 120 depending on what they were doing. They told me once the meds were in me and I was relaxed....my bp was a nice 118/77 and my heart rate slowed to a nice even 60. No wonder stress kills people. It throws your body completely out of whack. Believe it or not.....my brother whom I know you remember me referencing before was the one who took me yesterday, and in many ways....he turned out to be God sent. When he wants to....he can be quite humorous....thank goodness yesterday he was in full humor. It helped me not to focus so much on me (like that ever truly happens) and focus more on his craziness. It actually did make the time go faster and the process a little easier. Thanks Andy!

So in the last 24 hours...I have probably slept about 15 and I feel really pretty good today. There is nephew babysitting along with bill paying and house cleaning on today's agenda. Throw in a little laundry and some chauffeuring and you have a complete day. Believe me....I am not complaining. Quite to the contrary....I say Bring it On!!!! I am enjoying this peaceful feeling and hoping that it takes me all the way through the weekend. We all know that is about the statue of limitations on peace in my life, but I will enjoy it while it lasts. Yay for peaceful feelings!

Okay...so what makes me smile today? Just about anything and everything, but one thing that makes me smile just about any time...is the memory of the trip that Z and I took to Disney World in 2005. It was the first part of December and the only trip Z and I had ever taken together. It was wonderful and magical and a time that I will both remember and cherish. I am sure that DW is exciting and beautiful at any time of the year....but in my opinion....Christmas was absolutely spectacular. I would love to take that trip again sometime...but if not, I will always have my memories of Z and I and the December of 2005.

Here is hoping that today is wonderful, peaceful and happy for all. Happy Saturday!

Contemplation, Memories, What If's and You Gonna Kiss Me or Not?

Well....this morning I will be short and to the point since a) I am not feeling the greatest and b) I am crunched for time. Perhaps later....if I feel like it, I might be back to repost or update.....or whatever.

I won't lie.....it is probably a combination of nerves and feeling awful after no sleep last night but.... I am scared sh**less (and not just figuratively). If I hadn't had the pain in my side for all these months I probably wouldn't be as concerned....but I am! I really am! Luckily....with a colonoscopy.....I will have results before I walk out the door. Now if I remember those results or not.....that could be a whole other issue. Guess that is why they insist on people having drivers with them after these things. So someone can actually hear the results and remember it.

Many things are going through my sleep deprived mind this morning. A young man the age of my older son from my little town is in the hospital fighting for his life. He used fb to hint at a tragedy that was to come and then his poor mother found him in the aftermath. My heart is breaking for all involved. If only he could have understood that even from the darkest storms....rainbows appear. It makes me so incredibly sad!

I also....for whatever reason....have been contemplating memories. Memories of a time when tv went to bed for the night just like we did. The broadcasting day always ended with the American flag waving to our National Anthem and if you were up.....you stood up and put your hand over your heart and then it was followed by a high pitched buzz and then the "Indian Screen" which stayed in place until broadcasting resumed the next day. There were no late night infomercials, no 24 hour weather radar, and no Nick at Night. There was just the Indian Screen.

Finally I am thinking about the "what if's. " What if I find out that today's procedure shows something? What if my life changes drastically from that moment on? After all...it would not be the first time that I have lived through drastic change....but I think the key word here is....."lived!" I can't help but wonder how a cancer diagnosis would change my life, the life of my children and me as a person? I truly pray that I am not faced with having to find that out.....but I know that I am not special and that everyday hundreds of thousands of people are faced with finding out that cancer is their new way of life....I just don't know how they deal. How I would deal! In a few short hours I will know the results. Will it be old life or new life? I have to say.....the old life.....with crazy teens, seizures, insane dogs, a dirty house and all that goes with it......are looking just pretty darn wonderful right now. God....I think you know my vote.....if my vote counts.

Well...it is time to get this whole thing started. So I leave you with one of my favorite new songs and I hope someday to be able to ask someone: You Gonna Kiss Me or Not?  Here's Thompson Square!

Seizures, Driver's Ed and Colonoscopies....I Need a Little Cool

Yesterday was not one of my better days, but as days and weeks go....I certainly hope it ends up being my worst day of the week. That would mean that the worst is over and the rest is smooth sailing!

I got called home from work yesterday as David was having a seizure. And of course....it wasn't one of his normal ones....but something new and different for me to think about....worry about....and obsess over. After meds, careful watching and it taking the dr. a painfully long time and numerous phone calls to decide whether this was a ER/hospital worthy seizure or not....we ended up being able to stay home and just weather the storm here. David spent his afternoon fluctuating between extreme clinginess and borderline aggression. It was no fun for anyone involved. Finally it all just got the better of him and he was down for the count. It all felt very reminiscent of this time last year and didn't help the stress of my already stressful week one bit...but as usual...we survived. Thank goodness he has his neurology appt. this afternoon. Yeah....you remember....the one I got all wrong at the beginning of the week?! Guess there is a reason for everything.

I have decided that perhaps I am not the person who should be teaching Z to drive. I think  my neuroticness (again....a word if I say so!) is rubbing off on him. He is starting to second guess himself behind the wheel and apparently forgetting anything and everything he knew pre-drivers ed. That and for whatever reason....his instructor is not exactly instilling self-confidence in the kid. He lets Z's partner drive 3/4 of the time and only lets Z drive about 20 min. of the allotted two hour time period. At the rate we are going.....Z's driving confidence will be zero and I will end up chauffeuring him everywhere for the rest of my life. Ain't happenin'! So this weekend.....watch out! Z and his neurotic mother will be out on the road, hitting every dirt road, toll road and interstate we can find. By Monday....one of two things will have happened. Either I will have ruined him behind the wheel forever and his car will be for sale.....or he will be a much more confident driver! Please God...let it be the latter!

Just one more day until the big "C". Today (or tonight rather) is going to be the REALLY not fun part. It is all part of the process....but it is not a very pleasant part. However unpleasant though....it is all a means to an end (no pun intended....although that was pretty good) and within a little over 24 hours I should either have more reason to worry....or none at all! Again....Please God....let it be the latter! I did call the drs. office yesterday to see if they had the genetic testing results yet and according to the nurse I talked to.....it could still be another two weeks before those results are in. So much for the original two weeks I was promised. Oh well....one hurdle at a time! Again.....prayers and good thoughts are very welcome.

Tomorrow is also the announcement of the top 12 finalists for Blogger Idol. Unless the announcement comes before 6 a.m. tomorrow.....I am pretty sure I will know nothing until sometime tomorrow afternoon or evening. Although BI has no real significance in my life in the big scheme of things.....it is something really fun that has taken the edge off this week. It has given me something to think about other than my life! If I don't make it.....well no harm, no foul....but if I do....that would really be kind of cool....and we all know that I can use all the "cool" in my life that I can get! Especially with a  life full of seizures, driver's ed and colonoscopies. Yeah....I could definitely use a little "cool!'

So onto today's Shout Outs:

A shout out to RD's County Line Bar and Grill......the food Sat. night was yummy and the atmosphere as always was fun. Can't wait til my next night out!

Shout out to the big Dillon's in Derby for always seeming to carry the new and cutting edge items (especially the Weight Watchers stuff). I love Dillons!

Shouting out to David's para Niki who is spending part of her summer coming to the house and working with David so he doesn't lose any of his school skills over the summer. Thanks Niki....you have no idea just how much you are appreciated.

And finally a shout out to all my facebook friends who freely and openly critique businesses and stores in the area. I am sure that just reading these critiques has saved me from some really unhappy dining and purchasing experiences......so thank you and keep up the good work.

Prayers:

Asking prayers for all the families of the KS kids who have died suddenly in the past week. There have been numerous kids killed in accidents (auto, drowning, etc) in the past week or so and I am asking thoughts and prayers for their friends and families in this difficult time.

Prayers for all the "new" drivers who will soon be getting their licenses.... that their hands stay on the wheel, their minds stay on the road, and their focus stays on the task at hand. May they stay safe and help to keep others safe on the road as well!

Prayers for all those who are traveling during these summer months. May their time be fun and their travels be safe.

And finally.....for all the soldiers serving and especially for those serving on foreign soil. May they stay safe and come home soon!

So here is wishing each and every one of you.....the best Thursday so far!

The Other "C" Word

So this morning I feel much better than I did yesterday evening. Not sure what happened but I fell asleep on the couch for a little while after I got home from work and when I woke up....I felt awful. Maybe I was just overly tired or maybe the stress of "trying" to juggle this week is getting the best of me. I am not sure...but I went to bed fairly early and today I feel human again.

Along with all the juggling and schedule stressing this week....I am a bit stressed about Friday. You see, Friday I am having the other "C" word. I am having a colonoscopy! No....I am not stressed about the proceedure itself as I have already had several in my life. What I am stressed about it is "why" I am having it. For those of you who don't know, my mother died of colon cancer and it was the 4th of four primary cancers she had. What it means by primary cancer is, she had four seperate cancers....none caused by the others. In other words none spread from one area of her body to the other. This tells the drs. that my family are prime candidates for genetic issues where cancer is concerned. Since  not only my mom but two aunts and uncle and several cousins have had breast cancer, I was tested for the breast cancer gene. Blessedly I didn't have it, but because of family history.....I see the specialists twice a year and have a yearly mammogram and a yearly breast MRI. It was great news that I did not have the gene.....but it doesn't mean that I won't get breast cancer.....it simply means that the insurance company won't pay as much on my preventative care.

Having the cancer family history does not stop at breast cancer in my family. We also have a pretty heavy showing where colon cancer comes into play too. My mom, an aunt, uncle and cousin have all had it. My uncle had his first case in 1982 and then a recurrence in the last few years. Both times it was caught early and he is fine, but years ago he had genetic testing for the Lynch Syndrome gene which is often found in families with high occurrences of colon cancer. Having the gene can mean that my children's chances of also having the gene goes up abut 50% and their likely hood of having colon cancer in their lifetime also goes up immensely. The first time my uncle had the test back in the late 80's it came back negative. However....after having colon cancer again.....the drs. wanted to retest him....and this time the Lynch Syndrome gene was there.....loud and clear. Because of my family history....I have been having colonoscopies for about 15 years now. I was on the five year plan. Most people over the age of 50 get colonoscopies every 10 years for the rest of their lives (unless something is found). Because of  our family history, I was getting them every five years. Once my mom died from it....my dr. started doing them every other year. Two weeks ago, I was tested for the LSG. If I have it, that means I will now be on the yearly plan. I should know Friday the outcome of the test.

About a year ago, I started with a pain in my left side. It is never "painful" per say, but it is uncomfortable. I went to my regular physician last year when it started and she felt that it was muscle related and gave me muscle relaxers. After awhile it went away. Then about two months ago it came back. It has become chronic and sometimes interferes with my ability to sit or lie down comfortably. On talking to my dr. about this....he felt it was probably a pretty significant reason to have another colonoscopy fairly soon (it has been a year and half since my last one). Needless to say, with my family history......I am a bit nervous. I am not going to lie....the "c" word scares me. And when my dr. suggested another colonoscopy, I jumped at it, because colon cancer is very curable if caught early....and a yearly uncomfortable procedure trumps dying every time. Besides, my kids have lost enough already....they don't need to lose me too!

So here is the part where I ask a favor. If you pray.....could you spare a prayer for me? I could really use some good news and it would definitely make the rest of the summer go a bit smoother for all of us. Good thoughts are very appreciated too! Also....to my friends, family and readers.....Good health is maintained through prevention. Most forms of cancer....if caught early are treatable and even curable. Women....if you are over thirty you need to be doing monthly breast exams. If you are over forty......yearly mammograms. Men if you are over fifty....yearly prostate exams should be a part of your world. And finally....for all of us.....if you are over fifty.....get to a dr. and get a colonoscopy. None of these procedures are particularly fun but all beat the alternative. Catching cancer early can mean the difference between life and death. Do it for yourself and do it for the ones you love.

And just a side note here....if Z's pass or fail in driver's ed is based on his mothers driving skills....Z won't be getting his license anytime soon. Yesterday as I was dropping him off for driver's ed and pulling out to leave, his teacher pulled into my blind spot and I almost hit him. In my defense...he WAS in my blind spot and I DIDN'T realize it was Z's teacher. Not that the latter really mattered. Z however did come home and tell me that his teacher cautioned him about checking his blind spot when pulling out or changing lanes....as evidently his mother doesn't have that particular driving skill. Z was not pleased!

So I will today with a vintage commercial of sorts. Back in the day....every Saturday morning between our beloved cartoons were little diddy's called Schoolhouse Rock. They were catchy "rock" songs that helped kids learn everything from math to English. For years they were on and their repetitiveness stayed with you. To this day I remember most of the songs...and that is something considering I can't remember sh.....umm...errr...anything. Without Schoolhouse Rock...I might not have passed some classes and I am sure I am not the only one. So today I leave you with Interjection! Hope you have a wonderful Wednesday!