Fourth day in a row. Are you in shock yet? Today is Stories About Me...... I have to laugh at the thought of this because in truth, my blog is ALWAYS about me or at the very least....some part of me. My mentor however felt that after reading my blogs, "I" was mildly interesting at times and that she would like to read more about me. I hate to break it to her but there is very little interesting about me. The only interesting thing is those that surround me. At any rate.....here we go.
Today, yesterday and all the days since I was old enough to understand the term.....I have hated cancer. I have seen it take a hold and cause pain, suffering and sometimes ultimately....death. Cancer does not care who loves you or how old you are. It does not care if you are rich or poor, naughty or nice. It is truly an equal opportunity destroyer. It is because of this that I get to so incredibly angry when I think about the billions of dollars that have been donated to cancer research over the years...and yet we really are no closer to a cure than we have ever been. Why?
In my due diligence with my health (especially where cancer is concerned and with my family history), I found out yesterday that my yearly breast MRI came back clean yet again. Relief flowed through me until I heard the word "BUT". You never want to hear that word in regards to your health. The "BUT" I heard was......."But we saw "something" on your lung." The something was vague, even in the report, but obviously it was something enough to cause concern. My heart nearly stopped and I am sure my voice went up about five octaves as I quizzed the nurse on the whys of all of this.
Truthfully I did smoke for less than a year back int the day when smoking was "cool." Looking back, I don't think smoking was ever cool. Tattoo's are cool. Even some piercings are cool but smoking is just slow suicide and that is NOT cool. Seriously though, I doubt my year long coolness of smoking when I drank was that detremental. What was however was the years that my mother smoked 4-5 packs a day....in the house.....in the enclosed car.....anywhere we were. Those years of second hand smoke could really have been my slow suicide. So you can imagine the fear that swept through me when that something was found on my lung. Let's also not forget that one of my mothers primary cancers was in fact.....lung.
Today I am having a CT to see if that something is really anything. Prayers are greatly welcome at this point. If there is something there....then I plan to be extremely proactive. However, I pray there is nothing. This is Z's senior year and I want it to be amazing. A mother fighting for her health and ultimately her life might rain on that amazingness a bit. I need to be 100% for David and yes, I am just a little angry right now. I am angry that as a nurse and a mother, that my mother chose her addiction over our health. I am angry that I was stupid for even a year and I am most angry that right now I have no control over anything.
I have put it in God's hands at this point because I have no choice. I know that my life is safe there. It always has been. His will.....will ultimately be done, but I know He is open to prayer and I am asking for a lot of it. He also made me a fighter for a reason and I am prepared to go head to head with cancer if need be.....I just hope that it doesn't come to that.
If you read this today.....please say a little prayer for me. Even if you don't pray or believe in it....if you are my friend, humor me and say a prayer anyway. You may not believe, but I do. Please pass this on too. I will take prayers from anyone....anywhere and I thank you. So there you have it. A story about me!
Today, yesterday and all the days since I was old enough to understand the term.....I have hated cancer. I have seen it take a hold and cause pain, suffering and sometimes ultimately....death. Cancer does not care who loves you or how old you are. It does not care if you are rich or poor, naughty or nice. It is truly an equal opportunity destroyer. It is because of this that I get to so incredibly angry when I think about the billions of dollars that have been donated to cancer research over the years...and yet we really are no closer to a cure than we have ever been. Why?
In my due diligence with my health (especially where cancer is concerned and with my family history), I found out yesterday that my yearly breast MRI came back clean yet again. Relief flowed through me until I heard the word "BUT". You never want to hear that word in regards to your health. The "BUT" I heard was......."But we saw "something" on your lung." The something was vague, even in the report, but obviously it was something enough to cause concern. My heart nearly stopped and I am sure my voice went up about five octaves as I quizzed the nurse on the whys of all of this.
Truthfully I did smoke for less than a year back int the day when smoking was "cool." Looking back, I don't think smoking was ever cool. Tattoo's are cool. Even some piercings are cool but smoking is just slow suicide and that is NOT cool. Seriously though, I doubt my year long coolness of smoking when I drank was that detremental. What was however was the years that my mother smoked 4-5 packs a day....in the house.....in the enclosed car.....anywhere we were. Those years of second hand smoke could really have been my slow suicide. So you can imagine the fear that swept through me when that something was found on my lung. Let's also not forget that one of my mothers primary cancers was in fact.....lung.
Today I am having a CT to see if that something is really anything. Prayers are greatly welcome at this point. If there is something there....then I plan to be extremely proactive. However, I pray there is nothing. This is Z's senior year and I want it to be amazing. A mother fighting for her health and ultimately her life might rain on that amazingness a bit. I need to be 100% for David and yes, I am just a little angry right now. I am angry that as a nurse and a mother, that my mother chose her addiction over our health. I am angry that I was stupid for even a year and I am most angry that right now I have no control over anything.
I have put it in God's hands at this point because I have no choice. I know that my life is safe there. It always has been. His will.....will ultimately be done, but I know He is open to prayer and I am asking for a lot of it. He also made me a fighter for a reason and I am prepared to go head to head with cancer if need be.....I just hope that it doesn't come to that.
If you read this today.....please say a little prayer for me. Even if you don't pray or believe in it....if you are my friend, humor me and say a prayer anyway. You may not believe, but I do. Please pass this on too. I will take prayers from anyone....anywhere and I thank you. So there you have it. A story about me!
3 comments:
You are always in my thoughts and prayers my friend....but extra are going up for you right now!
Bless you... of course we are praying.
Prayer is an amazing thing. Don't you forget it. Praying!
Post a Comment