I can't speak for everyone, but one of the things that I personally can't stand is being lied to. It brings on such a feeling of disrespect, not to mention the trust issues it causes. I immediately feel as if I am somehow not worthy of them being honest with me. It's a horrible feeling and it can cause unending problems and issues in a group or relationship.
The fact is though, we ALL lie! I would even go so far as to say, that there is not one person walking around that hasn't told some form of lie. I say some form of a lie because while all lies are Commandment breakers, I don't believe that all lies are created equal.
Some lies are premeditated and told with the intent of avoiding a consequence or consequences that the truth might bring or to change a person's perception of another person, place, thing, or issue. Lies can be a way to manipulate, redirect, undermine or even destroy, so they are usually lies with an agenda. These lies are biggies and they can be damaging to relationships and if found out, can destroy everything in their path.
Other lies are what some may call little white lies (LWL). Now LWL usually aren't premeditated. In fact, they are often told on the spur of the moment, when someone is faced with a question where they either don't want an issue caused that the truth might spark, they don't want to hurt someone's feelings, or they feel as if the truth could be more damaging than a lie. Some might call these altruistic lies, but yes, they are lies nonetheless.
Then there are the liars. Like lies, not all liars are created equal. There are the liars that will lie about anything and they are good at it. In fact, with this kind of liar, you can almost guarantee that at least 75% of what comes out of their mouths is steeped in some form of dishonesty and if you have to deal with them, you also have to work your way around the land mines of their lies. These liars are exhausting, but often charming to the point that you really want to believe them, even when you know better.
What is worse than the 75%er though, is the liar that is so good at lying, that they buy into their own lies. Their lies are based on what they want the truth to be and not what the truth actually is. The minute they tell that lie, they literally convince themselves that the lie is now the truth. In fact, they convince themselves so thoroughly, that in some cases, they can pass a lie detector test. This is a scary liar because you are never sure of the truth with them and often this kind of liar suffers from emotional or mental issues that cause them to take solace in or hide behind lies rather than face the truth. They are considered "pathological" and many abusers, criminals, and even serial killers are in fact, pathological liars.
Finally, there is the liar who is just horrible at it. Yes, they can tell the occasional LWL, but it is with great effort and even greater guilt, If they even attempt a bigger lie though, they usually get caught immediately because of their words, eyes, body movements, and demeanor. Often this liar will admit guilt before anyone is even sure they actually lied. In my humble opinion, if you gotta be a liar, this is the kind of liar to be, because these liars seldom lie at all. It is just too stressful for them.
The fact is that we all can see ourselves in one of these types of liars and we have also all told one or more of the kinds of lies above. We likely have also gotten caught in a lie and had to live with the consequences of such, and may have even hurt or destroyed someone or something in the process. There is also a tremendous likelihood that we have all been on the receiving end of one of these lies and like it or not, regardless of who told the lie or the intent behind it, chances are great, that we lost a bit of future trust in the liar. The bottom line is that lies never bode well for anyone as the truth always has a funny way of coming out.
Now, why am I talking about liars today? Your guess is as good as mine. Funny story though, I learned a long time ago, that if I even have an ounce of talent as a writer, that talent is not mine. It did not come from me at all. It came from God and therefore if He gave it to me, then He must have had a purpose and because of that, I try hard to listen to how He might want me to use said talent. Another funny story, I always get my best blog or story ideas in church or when I am out walking, just me, nature, and God. So today, as I was in Mass, I was silent. My heart was talking as there are always things going on in my life and world that I have no control over, so I hand them to God. Sometimes too, what is inside me is so jumbled up that I can't even put it into words, so I sit silently and let God hear my heart and take it from there. While sitting there today, some situations from the past hit me like a ton of bricks. They were distant situations that have a direct effect on the present and what is currently going on in my life. Then it came to me that part of the problem with the past situation is that lies were involved. They were lies told out of frustration and anger and yes.....even resentment. They were lies nonetheless and even though the truths came out long ago, the memories and the damage of the lies have remained to this day affecting everyone involved....thus, part of what I have handed to God. The trip down memory lane left me with two words, "lies" and "liars." The words wouldn't leave me, and before I knew it, I was sitting there writing this blog in my head. This happens more than you would think, and when it does, whether I know why or not, I know that this is what I am supposed to write about ASAP. So where this is going, I have no idea, but I guess by the time I am done, we will all know.
As bad as lies are, and as much damage as they do, the truth is, we have become so desensitized to lies, lying and liars that we don't always even recognize a lie as a lie, or a liar as a liar. In the world we live in, lies are the norm from government, to the news media, and from social media to our workplaces and even in our homes. There is not a day that goes by, that if we turn on the tv, our computers or just interact with other human beings, that a lie does not cross our path. In a sad way, we have normalized it and even taken on a rather sick ideal that the truth really doesn't matter if we don't agree with it, or moreover, we can simply change "the truth," to fit our ideology or agenda and then the lie becomes our truth. (Remember the term pathological?) With this kind of thinking, lies become less of a bad thing or a sin, and more of a way of doing business, serving an agenda, and getting by. Justify much?
So yes, lies were told many years ago. I could say that there were extenuating circumstances, but the fact is, that is just a way of justifying the lies. Looking back, I can't help but wonder how things might have turned out if the lies were never uttered. I know the truth would have caused anger....a lot of anger, and I know that the lies were told in part to avoid that, but regardless of intent, even after the truth came out, the end result was years of feeling betrayed, angry, mistrusting, and an inability to forgive. It left permanent scars on the liar and the one on the receiving end of the lies and today, it still causes ripples of anger and unending issues.
Looking back, no intent or justification was worth the lifelong damage that the lies cost, and since the past cannot be changed, one can only hope that the lessons involved with all of this, were well learned so that in the future, the past will not be repeated.
Lies and liars may not all be created equally, but lies are never a good thing and liars always get caught eventually. It sets such precedence that trust shatters, even while lies become acceptable. However, we all know that we can't accept the unacceptable even if we feel that it will change people's minds on something, support an agenda or get someone out of trouble. In the end, the truth will always come out as lies never truly stay hidden, and the fallout is usually far greater than the original truth would ever have been.
Maybe my purpose in writing this today is to do a little cathartic therapy on my own life and also to put out into the world, that to lie is not just to deceive, but it also damages, even destroys and in the end, can leave us with scars that can never be forgotten and in some cases, never forgiven either.
So until next time.....I hope you stay peaceful, joyful and that you remember, the worst truth is better than the best lie.
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