A Changing of the Years

There are just a few days left of 2023. Soon we will have the changing of the years. I can't believe this year has just sped by in such a manner, of course at my age, that is all time does is speed by. 

This year started out with my dad's funeral. It was a cold, blustery day that resulted in my getting sick and somehow I resentfully believed he might have had a hand in it all. Truthfully though, I think that I just held a lot of angry and uncertain emotions that I didn't know how to process and this kind of, sort of, may have set the stage for 2023 and many of the things that it was and that it manifested. 

It has been a year of ups and downs as well as breaking and healing. I have come to the realizations of how short life is and how I want my life to be. I have opened up on some things and let go of others. I am starting to understand that if I want to leave something behind, then I better get off my butt and do something to actually have something to leave behind!

This year has also held some family discourse, as my house is overflowing, and not everyone involved agrees or behaves all the time. I am finally finding my voice and allowing those around me to know what I will accept, what I won't accept, and what is no longer negotiable. It seems that currently, for the most part, we are finding some compromise and common ground, cause if Mama ain't happy, others might be somewhat unhappy too. 

One of the big happenings of this year, was us dismantling and getting rid of our backyard pool. It was so bittersweet for me, as this was David's pool, but for the last couple of years, he has not been able to use it. No matter how hot it was, his body just could not handle the pool water, thus dropping his blood pressure and in a couple of cases, causing him to have a seizure. 

The little kids loved it and all of them learned to swim in it, but the few months of fun just did not end up outweighing the price and effort of upkeep and what it did to our electric bill. This was where we as a family voted on getting rid of it, and surprisingly, the vote was unanimous. While I know that the decision was the best one for us all, I was surprised at the sadness it left me with. A pool had been a part of my backyard since I was a junior in high school. To look out my kitchen window and only see a sand pit still leaves a bit of an ache in my stomach. The upside though is, the little boys have loved that sand, and never once have they or anyone complained that the pool is no longer there. 

The summer of 2023 was a fun one though, even without the pool. David's para Miss Tony, and I, took the kids and David to many fun places this summer. Our state has what they call the Sunflower Card, which allows families into places and events (once throughout the summer) for free. We went to zoos, parks, and museums. It was so much fun and the memories we made and shared will be with us forever. 

The kids and I also became very much into music and amazingly have had music be the background and sometimes even the foreground of our everyday life. It is funny how music can connect people and leave them knowing more about each other and creating moments that they will connect to for the rest of their lives. It is definitely something we all want to carry on into the coming years. 

Since school started this year, life has been beyond busy. We have been through open houses, school projects, cheer practices, football games, 4H, parties, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and finally Christmas. The kids have all done well in school, with the little boys starting to mature and Willow starting to come into her own. I have to say that Willow joining 4H has been a great thing and who knew she was a dead aim with a BB gun?

This year has also held some unexpected moments and journeys for me, as I have started to see things differently and feel things differently about myself and life in general. One of the most unexpected and ultimately treasured journeys I got to have was the relationship with my younger brother in his final year. It was something that I wasn't sure would ever be achieved or that either one of us would be open to having. It turned out to be the greatest gift and it changed me in so many ways. I would like to think, maybe it changed us both for the better. His loss struck me in a way that I didn't see coming and has continued to change me since it happened. My holidays were in honor of him, and everything I did from cooking to decorating, was to honor the things he loved. 

I am not an extremely Christmasy person, but this year, I stepped out of that and stepped into Christmas as Elton John says. The kids and I listened to Christmas music daily and knew every song, old and new. We went and saw the Griswald house as a family, which is a house that has made national news for all of its decorations and lights, and we started game nights where all the family can partake. I baked and made candy and cookies and Andy's favorite.....lemon bars, which I shared with his wife and son. I also got closer to my faith and found peace in going to Mass which for some time had seemed unavailable to me. 

David, while usually one to enjoy life, his tablet, the show COPS, Spongebob, The Foo Fighters and the kids and dogs who roam our house, is not above occasionally throwing me for a loop just to keep things interesting. Apparently, he felt Nov. 26th was the day in 2023 to remind me that he can be medically fragile and throw out one of his crazy health scares. Since that day we have been dealing with an abscess on his leg. We discovered it on the 26th and since then, it has been opened up twice and he has been on antibiotics continually. It continues to drain to this day and I am waiting for a call from the infectious med doctor to get him in to be seen. It has kept me worried and stressed, but so far, he seems to be okay. 

One of the greatest gifts we as a family have been given this year is the gift of a new family member in 2024. My son Zachary and his girlfriend are expecting their first child in July of 2024. July is typically a tough month as that is the month I lost my husband Tim, but with this new little life due to make an appearance in July, it will likely hold more joy in the year and years to come. I think Tim likely orchestrated that and it makes my heart smile. 

So as the year is winding down, today I am sick. I don't think I am flu sick, but more, I have pushed my mind, soul, and body as far it can go since October and now I think I am, I must just rest sick. I am laying here feeling achy and uncomfortable, and not at all myself, but nothing that some rest, relaxation, and a little quiet can't fix. 

A year ago today, my dad passed. There has been much since that day that I shoved aside in order to shut the door and not think about it all of, but of late, I have pulled the band-aid off the wound, and allowed it to start both oozing emotion and also hopefully healing through my blogging. Yes, after many suggestions and even some requests, back in October, I started blogging again. It has been both emotionally painful and also healing, and sometimes all in the same blog piece. Mostly though, I have just been grateful that anyone has wanted to read. 

It is my plan that in 2024 I will continue to blog. I will continue to tell the story of "me" and I hope to continue to explore who I was in the past, and who I am turning into now. 

Yes, I am sure that like any year, 2024 will hold joy, some pain, new and unexpected experiences, new people, maybe some old ones too, and with any luck, peace, laughter, and happiness. 

If you have kept up with my blog and read it this year, thank you. I wish you all a happy and safe ending to 2023, and much joy, health, and happiness in 2024. 

Happy New Year to you all!

Until next time........

 

Thoughts and Prayers, and a Crisis of Me

 Let's just get down to it today. 

I dreamed about this piece last night (or at least the theory of this piece), and I woke up thinking about it this morning. It has continued to play in my head, so I would say that is my sign to put it on paper. This is the first time in a long time that this has happened, so hold onto your bloomers if you plan on going along for this ride. I have no idea how deep this will go or what all will come out as I type, but I do think it might trigger some, in content alone. I guess I will then preface this with Sorry! Not sorry! 

So grab a cup of coffee, brew a pot of tea, or get yourself a Dr. Pepper, and let's get this blog piece started!

Last night I was doing some research and catching up on current events. Even I, Non-news Nancy, am not oblivious to world happenings. Don't get me wrong, I try to be. Truly I do, but sometimes the happenings are just too big and yes, even too scary to ignore. In this case, I really hold no fear, more astonishment, and disbelief, as the world is changing and I feel that humans are currently their own worst enemy and will be their own downfall in both this world and the next. 

I am going to begin with "thoughts and prayers." Do you want to trigger someone who has little to no faith? Post on social media, or say in front of someone lacking, that your thoughts and prayers are with someone struggling, grieving, or hurting and you will see a literal outpour of emotional gibberish on "What good are prayers when this person needs money, or a cure, etc, etc." I can't even count all the times that I have been chastised for posting this and literally belittled for doing so little to help someone who is suffering or in need. Does it bother me? No! I mean, I might feel a twinge of sadness for the chastising persons' lack of perception, self-control, and faith, but other than that.....let them feel justified in their convictions. My thoughts and prayers are with them too. 

Having said this, I do wonder if the statement you are in my thoughts and prayers is just words to some, or if they back them up with actions? No judgment one way or another. Just curiosity. After all, the statement does seem to have become quite the norm on social media posts, where loss, pain, and/or suffering is the topic. We all want the poster to know that we are thinking of them and in some cases, maybe saying we are praying is just what we think they want to hear. I sincerely hope not, because if every "thoughts and prayers" comment were true, then how awesome would that be?

When I say "You are in my thoughts and prayers", I try hard to mean every word of it. In the moment that I read the post, I say a prayer then and there asking that God's will be done for the person or family involved. I try not to stop there though. Each and every time I think about that person or family throughout the day or sometimes for many days, I renew that prayer. So when I make the statement, I try to make it absolutely factual and not just calming words in the moment. 

I know to some this sounds like nothing, especially if the person posting is in need of money, or food, or is in terrible pain or grief. I have even flat-out been asked just what I think prayers will do for this person. Sometimes I take the time to explain that I learned about 23 years ago, the true power of prayer.

 When a doctor looks at you and tells you that your child is within hours of dying and the medical community has done all that they can you become frozen in disbelief. When he follows it up with, "If you pray, then put it in God's hands. His hands are far safer than any doctors." It is at that moment that you realize that you could be a gazillionaire and it would not matter. Money, a casserole, or nothing else was going to save my child. That is when my heart became so heavy that it dropped to my stomach and made me hit my knees in prayers. My husband and I begged everybody in the vicinity to do the same whether they prayed or not....and they did. We also called family and friends and begged them to pray and every time our family crossed their minds, to pray some more. Here we are 23 years later, and that child not only survived but thrived and is still going strong. In fact, we were assured as we took him home from the hospital, by another doctor who believed far more in science than God, that David was a bonafide miracle and that there was simply no way he should be going home on no meds, and no oxygen. No one had to convince us. 

And that my friends is why you all are in my thoughts and prayers. Prayers are more powerful than any other human act a person can give. In fact, prayer is dare I say, the greatest gift someone can give another human being... Perhaps I will delve into this more in another piece on another day.   

So back to world news. Oh yeah.....humans are f-ing up the world!

We seem to have forgotten or some may never have realized that all we have didn't just appear one day. It was given to us by our Creator (I call Him God) and He gave us some very simple rules to live by in order to keep and maintain this world and in gratitude, just what did we go and do? We deny Him and His rules. We mock Him and we make it seem as if humans created God rather than God creating humans. What is worse is in the name of religion, we put human ideology and interpretations into God's own words. 

We have removed God from all places, including some churches, and replaced Him with self-serving ideals, greed and the desire to please and serve ourselves rather than to please and serve Him. We give ourselves all the glory and God none of it. Instead of reading God's word and following His teachings, we paraphrase and manipulate until we hear the message that is easiest on our ears and the one that fits in with our own wants and desires. Anything is wrong if we claim it to be in the Bible and if that is our agenda, just as anything is right if we manipulate and reword God/Jesus's teachings to make it seem that whatever we want or do is not only acceptable but also Biblical. Playing God is not a good look for anyone but God. 

Now we sit with a war in Isreal and a social media full of people who have been previously shut down and shut up speaking out about everything from our current world following Biblical prophecy to child trafficking and the evil one and his followers alive and well and growing in numbers......right before our very eyes, should we choose to open them. 

Okay, so I am not a conspiracy theorist, but I am also not stupid. I am of the mind that this world is very big and there is much we don't know. I have also lived long enough to know that not everything is what it seems, but then again, some things are EXACTLY what they seem. Some of the stuff that is currently being talked about has some pretty compelling "facts" to go along with the stories. It's hard not to question the validity of some of the things that are being discussed. Moreso, there are many people who you would not think to be wild and out there backing up some of the things we are hearing. So what are we supposed to believe and how are we supposed to react? To further confuse the whole conundrum, with the onset of AI, we can't even go by the old adage, "I'll believe it when I see it." The fact is, just because you see it, doesn't always make it real anymore. 

Don't even get me started on AI and man's desire to create what can actually and no doubt will actually destroy him down the line. Yes....we humans are just fantastic creatures.  <heavy on the eye roll>

Then there is me. In the last couple of years, I have been suffering from a crisis. I don't want to call it a crisis of faith, because I have never lost my belief in God, my faith, or the belief in the power of prayer. I guess then, it is a crisis of ME! I have become one of those humans who has become so frustrated with other humans in all facets of life (including religion) that it has been too easy for me to take steps back and reexamine literally everything. 

I have begun to question so much about our world and the human aspect of it all that it has made me not like other humans very much. Are things really getting worse, or do all people my age pass that judgment. OR have things been getting progressively worse over time and that judgment for each generation has been correct? We have become a world of haters and hypocrites who can't view the past for what it was, and accept it for those times and how the people of those times viewed things, acted, and reacted. Instead, we want to put today's values and viewpoints on a people and time where today's values have no place. Thus, we want to ignore and/or cancel the past, totally forgetting that without the past in all of its triumphs and faults, we can't learn and thus make a better tomorrow. Another human failure. 

With all the questions I have been pondering, I have not remained faithful in my religion and that has been something that has literally eaten a hole in my soul. Now don't get me wrong, I was born a Roman Catholic and I am still a RC, but like anything else, the human aspect of it all, yes even the church bothers me. I have become so frustrated with people who call the Church home and yet try to bend and twist the Church's teachings to fit their way of thinking and believing. Why? What is this all about? If the Church doesn't suit your sensibilities then maybe you are in the wrong church, but quit trying to make the Church human run, when truthfully it is God's church in which we are to serve Him and His word, not Him serve us and what we want. 

If it's a self-serving church you want, perhaps you are looking at the wrong end of the spectrum. 

In all of my questioning and soul-gouging, I have been waiting. I have tried to listen quietly and hear what God might want of me personally. I have asked in prayer and even talked to Him as a father to a  daughter. What does my father want of me? Last night, I think the answer hit me. 

As I was watching videos about the world and all that is wrong and evil with it because of self-serving humans, and as I worried (a little) about AI and the deception that it could bring to this already deceptive world, I asked myself, how will I know? How will I be able to tell true goodness from true evil? After all, the evil one hides in plain sight in our world whether it is in our music, our schools, our government, and yes, even our churches. So how will I know if I am doing right or wrong, following the good or the bad? Then it hit me, GO TO CHURCH! Follow not the humans, but the word of God. Pray every day for guidance and the ability to avoid that which is not of God. But then there was one more thing that hit my heart like a ton of brick. We ARE in end times. We have been since day one and how we follow God's words and teachings is going to be the determining factor of our eternity.

 Miraculously, at that moment, some of my Confirmation teachings came back to me. (For those wondering, in the Catholic church, Confirmation is one of the seven sacraments of our faith at which time, we become a soldier of Christ. You can't receive this sacrament unless you are old enough to understand what the church and your faith are all about). Words like "Love your neighbor as yourself for the love of God," hit me pretty powerfully. "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Light," also played over in my mind. After sleeping on all of this, this morning, one other thought kept dancing around, "Be not afraid." These were my favorite words of Pope St. John Paul II. I have loved these words so much that they are literally tattooed on my arm. 

So how am I to go forward? I am going back to church.....God's church. I am going to receive the sacraments every chance I get, and even though the human aspect of things is what has bothered me, my job is to follow my faith and first and foremost do as God commanded. I will love my fellow man as if they are my own flesh and blood because they, like myself, are created by God. I cannot change any other human, but I can change myself, and perhaps through that, others might see and find something in me that helps to change them. I will do my best each and every day to show kindness and compassion, find the good and positive in the world (something I have been struggling with) live all of God's commandments, and live to serve God and not ask God (even in prayer requests) to serve me. His will not mine. I will do all of this without fear and have complete faith that by following God, He will lead me to where I need to be. 

WOW!!! I'm going to be pretty busy just worrying about my own soul and loving others regardless of their souls. Remember, Jesus didn't hang out with the self-professed "holy" ones. He hung out with the broken and bad. Many of those later became saints. Little fun fact, many saints were sinners first. 

See, I told you I had no idea where this was going or how deep it would get. If you felt triggered by anything I said, maybe ask yourself why. I don't typically talk about God this much but today, I think this is what He wanted and this is what I needed....not so much God in general, but my relationship with God and the hypocrisy which I have been feeling towards my fellow humans. 

We do live in a crazy world and without a path, just where might we end up? Who knows how this all is going to end and what we might find out along the way, but perhaps, the upside in all of this, at least for me, is that my crisis of me, may just be at an end. 

Today I fast and pray for peace for Israel and for each of you, you all remain in my thoughts and prayers. 

Activism, Changing the World and Finding Common Ground

Activism has been taking a step out of the dark and showing itself in the light of day, in my town of late. From adults to high school students, people have been letting their voices be heard on issues, and in several cases, they have had to step out of their comfort zones and risk community backlash and school fallout, all in the name of standing up for what they feel is right. Regardless of our personal feelings on any given issue, how can we not support the right of free speech and activism, when someone is brave enough to let their voice be heard in the name of doing what they think is right?

Maybe it is that we are spending more time on the internet and social media. Maybe it is that we have lost a year in lockdown. And maybe it is that since 2008 we have gotten way more political. I am not sure what all goes into it, but the fact is, if you look at social media, and even the world around you, and it seems that EVERYONE is an activist of some sort these days. 

Not a day goes by that you don't see posts supporting or decimating the left or the right. Wearing masks and quarantining has become a huge hot button. Literally, everyone has a position on masks and if you have an opinion on the subject and speak it openly one way or another, you will quickly find out just who your opposition is. 

From kneeling at sporting events and racism to LGBTQ+ issues and abortion, social media has given everyone a voice, but what do we do with that voice? Are we using our voice and our activism for the good? Are we making the world a better place with our right to free speech, or are we steadily stomping it into the ground because we forget that our voice is not the only voice, our beliefs are not the only beliefs and our opinions are not the only opinions. We don't listen anymore. We don't hear, we don't show respect for other points of view and at the end of the day, we simply don't care about anyone's voice but our own? I think we forget that when we stop listening and refuse to hear, then we stop learning, and when we stop learning, we cease having an educated opinion, and thus.....we can't change a damn thing. 

Now, I will be the first one to admit, that this world has issues. Some of them could be catastrophic if they aren't worked on and fixed, but how do you fix something when no one can agree on what the fix needs to be and just how to go about that fix? Well, according to millions of social media users, you go online and you name call, insult, and degrade each other, and I guess, hope that the loudest most obnoxious voice wins. If however, you decided to take your views to the streets, then you demand change by wrecking, destroying, and threatening. Neither way seems to be working and our world is still a mess and getting worse. 

The fact is, for every group trying to find a fix, whether I agree with them or not, they have a grievance and they feel unheard, disrespected and they are angry and frustrated, and at the end of the day, even if our viewpoints are different, they do deserve to be heard. Just think, someone does not have to agree with pro-life views, but if those with differing opinions just stopped and respectfully listened and actually heard pro-life individuals respectfully give their views, then there still might not be agreement, but there just might be a little more understanding and respect on both sides. Notice that respect always plays a key role in this. 

It is that way with any two-sided issue. I don't care what the issue is, at the very least, there is always room for improvement and at the most, an issue may need a complete overhaul. That won't happen though unless all involved can agree on what the problems are, the goals they are working towards, and the path they wish to take to get the greatest desired results. It also means that they may not have all the answers and so if they are willing to listen and learn, they may actually gain some useful information from very unexpected places. 

There are literally as many world, country, state, and city, community causes, and issues as there are humans living on this earth. Many of them could have a huge positive impact on us if we worked to unify rather than divide and if we treated each other as respected equals regardless of whether we agreed on everything, what we looked like, how we prayed, how much money we had, where our ancestors came from, who we sleep with or what our sex is. 

Now I have never been a get out and carry a sign type activist. For one, my life is really not ideally set up for such time investment away from home, and two, I have always found that I do my best work with my words and a little behind the scenes maneuvering. In other words, I don't necessarily need to be seen in order to be heard and get my voice out there. There is also a somewhat better chance of my voice and my message being heard if it's in the written word. This is not to say though, that there isn't a time and place for a truly peaceful protest on occasion, or to make your presence known at a town hall or school board meeting. We need to remember though, that you can't expect others to hear your message of positive change when your actions are nothing but negative. 

So how do we change things? How do we start making this world and our own little piece of it better? We listen. We start showing respect for each other. We accept that we don't all have to think alike or agree, we just have to be willing to look for common ground. We don't need to destroy or riot to fix things. We don't have to degrade or insult other people or viewpoints just to get our point across, and a hugely important fact, no matter what we think.....we aren't always right. So let's start small. Often real change comes from the smallest seed and it can start right at home. 

Let's start with our kids. Let's teach them to be kind. Let's teach them to identify when there is a need and to act upon it and help others. Let's teach them to pick up the trash at the park instead of walking past it or adding to it. Let's teach them that regardless of what is going on in the world, that the foundation of this country is freedom and we are so blessed to be one of the few countries in the world to have such freedom. Let's teach them to be proud of who they are and where they come from and that we are all different in our own way and those differences should be celebrated and respected. Let's teach them that the important things are character, hard work, and the desire to achieve. Let's teach them that while we may all be created equal, that at times life is simply not fair. Sometimes we have to pull up our big kid pants, deal with the circumstances at hand, and move forward. Let's teach them that it's not the easy things in life that make us stronger, but the really hard things that do. Let's teach them that in real life, no one gets a participation trophy. You have to work hard for and earn everything you get but it is oh so worth it. And finally, let's teach them that if they want respect, they must give respect, and first and foremost, they must respect themselves. When kids respect themselves, they seldom feel the need to disrespect or bully others.  

Now if we are fortunate enough to get these lessons out there to our kids, then already we are going to be way ahead of the game. The next step is our own neighborhoods. Check on your neighbors. If you see someone's lawn is overgrown and no one is mowing it, go check on them. Perhaps there is a reason it is overgrown. Perhaps they can use a little help. So get out there and mow it. If your neighbor loses his job, bring him groceries. Ask if he needs help writing a resume. Ask if they need help watching the kids while he is job hunting. Finally, work together to keep your neighborhood clean and safe and keep an eye on each other. A good nosey neighbor or two can do wonders to keep crime down and streets safe in most neighborhoods. 

Then take it to the community. Go to your local police stations and get to know the officers. Introduce your kids and let them know what the job of the police officer is and teach them to respect the badge and the person wearing it because they put their lives on the line every single day. Make sure that your kids understand that while yes, there are some bad people in all walks of life, that the majority of police are good and have only the best interest of the community at heart as they do their jobs. Also, make sure that you shop locally in your community and help keep your dollars where they are needed. Support local businesses and be willing to give a new struggling business more than one chance. Know who your city or community council members are as well as your local board of education. Keep up on what is going on in the community and if you disagree with something going on, then respectfully voice your opinion for change. Most importantly, show up and vote. 

For your state....pay attention to what's going on. Know your governor and your state representatives. Follow legislation in your state and keep up on issues. If there are things going on in your state government that you don't agree with, then never be afraid to email or call your state representatives. They need to hear your voice as they work for you, not the other way around. Talk to friends and neighbors in your state and make them aware of what is going on too. Let them also know how to make contact with state leaders. Change does not happen without work and sometimes that work means stepping outside your comfort zone. Again....show up and vote. 

In your country....know your senators. Always be vocal when it comes to change, no matter which side of the issue you are on. Support causes physically when possible and when it's not, a few dollars never hurts. Know the issues and keep up with what is going on in Washington D.C., and never underestimate the power of strongly worded emails and blogs. Get the facts on important issues and not just Facebook facts. Do your own research and get more than one viewpoint on any issue. Listen to what others are saying, but at the end of the day, it is okay to view a situation differently and to support those things which go along with your beliefs, morality, and ethics. Most of all, we need to remember that if we want real positive change, WE DON'T ALL HAVE TO AGREE, but we do need to respectfully find common ground from which we can grow from. That usually means that both sides have to give a little for the best interest of the common cause. And again....VOTE!

If we do these things and encourage others to do them too, it is my belief, that things will begin to change for the better and the world will begin to become a better and more positive place for all of us. 

Activism starts on the most basic level with our kids. When they are taught kindness, charity, respect for themselves and others (whether we all agree or not), and pride in themselves, their neighborhood, community, state, and country, then we have already circumvented a lot of future issues. 

Maybe part of the problem is that we see each other as rivals, competitors, and enemies. Instead, if we reached out to each other, helped each other, and were willing to listen and work with each other, we might see each other as friends, neighbors, and fellow human beings. It is much easier to find common ground with a fellow human being than it is with an enemy.

Peaceful protests, picket signs, and marching in the streets demanding our voices be heard above everyone else's is fine and it even has its place, but sometimes, the subtle little things can be even more powerful than we ever imagined. By being kind in the face of hate and disrespect, and reaching out even if the person you reach out to might not do the same for you, can have miraculous results. Voicing your opinion with respect and listening to opposing views with just as much respect, and remembering that each of us is a human being and we all have our story and our reasons for believing as we do, now that is positive activism that can move mountains, soften hearts and make people willing to ask questions, learn and find common ground even with the toughest issues.  

So be that activist and stand strong for what you believe, but always remember that the guy on the other side of the issue is also standing strong for what he believes too, and unless we start to listen to each other, really hear each other, and are willing to give a little and work towards unity in the middle, we are going to forever remain fractured and divided on the fringe where absolutely nothing changes and nobody wins.

Until next time....I wish you peace, kindness, and the ability to always find some common ground.  

Peace and Purpose

So as I was sitting in church this morning and it occurred to me that taking an excursion through my brain right now, would not be for the weak of heart. Trying to focus on the peace and serenity of the moment was futile as my brain furiously raced from one thought to the next. "I must save David's home! How can I save David's home? God please help me! If you worry....why pray? I must give back! What can I do to give back? There are so many other people whose need is as urgent if not more so than mine. Oh Lord, how do you manage all the need? PLEASE GOD...I need a miracle!" Yeah, it was a chaotic mess of feelings, emotions and the world closing in all at once....and then....there was peace. 

As I sat there listening to the story of Jesus curing the leper, the true and complete knowledge that all things are possible through Christ, hit home. My manic brain was at rest and the clutter was parting ways. I looked around at my church and the many faces, some familiar, some new and I realized that this too was my home. The moment that thought hit me, then a new and more important thought hit. It was as if I knew that my situation was going to be absolutely fine. I was not alone and that through my own determination, the generosity of those around me and much much prayer....all would be fine. BUT this gift must be paid forward.

I have seen in my later years that kindness and generosity above all else are crucial in this world. When all you have to do is turn on the tv or surf the web to see ignorance, hate and selfishness and see what it is doing to not only our younger generations but our world in general it is pretty clear that something has to be done. For awhile now, I have been working on this in my own life and trying to encourage others to do the same. So how do I continue to do my best to spread kindness and pay forward the generosity that is being shown my family? It hit me in church like a ton of brick.

Not trying to leave you with a cliff hanger here, but until I have this fully formed in my head and know how I am going to proceed, I won't share the details. However, let it suffice to say that from this moment forward, everything in this process of saving David's home will be a learning experience, committed to memory and saved for a time when the lessons can be used to help others.

I know there are those who hate organized religion and that is their choice, but for me today was a game changer. Being in God's home was the first time that my brain wasn't plaguing me with the swarm of questions, frustrations, whatifs and yes....fears. I was given peace, my brain was decluttered and I may have just found some crucial purpose in all of this.

And yes, I ask you all to continue to pray for us as the time is growing shorter and this week is likely the week that we will get a lot of answers and clear cut plans. I ask you also to please keep sharing David's YouCaring page and his t-shirt page as we have an astronomical amount of money that has to be raised in a very short amount of time. Finally, I ask one other favor of all of you. This week, please go out there and do one small act of kindness in David's name. Something tells me that this might just be a game changer in our fight to Save Davids Home. Thank you in advance for your kindness.

#savedavidshome #fightfordavid