Just Built Different

There is a mantra that those in their late teens, and early twenties like to currently throw around. It is, "Nah. I'm just built different." This last week and maybe for the last couple of decades, this seems to be a pretty good description of me, my life, and my view of the world. When I compare myself, from my beliefs to how I do things, sometimes even in my own home, I legitimately feel like I am a completely different being from most of those around me. 

Okay, maybe this sounds a bit dramatic, but the fact is, anymore when I give my opinion (solicited or otherwise), share my beliefs, or even when I just converse with others, it is very hard to wrap my head around the vast differences that become glaringly evident. Even when I really try to understand the thought processes of others, and how they might possibly get from point A to point Z in their beliefs, I am often left baffled and wondering if we are even living on the same planet. 

A perfect example of my "built different" theory is never more plain than when I see a "Karen" video or really any video where someone's first thought is to video rather than take action. I have no understanding of any person who makes it their mission in life to dominate, overtalk, or demand that others cater to their wants without regard for anyone else, or for those who just wish to dictate, direct, and decimate when things don't go their way. What is more, Karens are not limited nor is any one sex, ethnicity, country, or age group free from this diseased personality. My only question though is why? 

When did we as a world decide that we would allow another human being to stand in front of us and cuss us or anyone else out and do nothing more than pull out our phones and videotape? When did disrespect over a business's rules, a messed up fast food order, or someone taking a parking space, become acceptable behavior? When did businesses, airlines, and fast food workers decide that they can discriminate on any level for any reason and belittle, deny service, and spew hate to customers, not for business reasons such as theft or true abuse, but merely for personal reasons, such as complaining about bad service or a wrong order? Did we all lose our minds and forget that we are all human, we are all going through something, and that kindness goes a lot further than nastiness and egging on an already volatile situation? Also have businesses big and small, forgotten that customer service is a real thing and without customers, you have no business? 

When it comes to people who feel entitled to discriminate without reason, scream obscenities without a filter, and try to push their will and agenda ahead of others, I simply don't get it and I certainly don't get that to many, the first reaction to viewing one of these situations is to be pulling out a phone and capturing the moment on video. I am definitely built different. 

This also goes for seeing someone hurting someone else, either physically or verbally. My first reaction in such a situation is certainly not going to be to pull out my phone. My first reaction would be to step in and say or do something. In my humble opinion, many people who are the aggressors in these situations do it so openly for one basic reason. Because they can! They know that most people aren't going to do anything more than watch and record and they don't give two figs if their picture is posted all over YouTube and TikTok. In fact, for many of these narcissistic personalities, this is modern-day street cred. However, if someone steps up and steps in, often like most bullies, they will at the very least back off a bit, and sometimes, because they are confronted, will stop altogether. 

In this weird world and time we live in, we seem to forget the power that we actually hold in these situations. In many cases, all it takes is for one person to step up and that alone will break the grab my phone and video societal trance we seem to gravitate towards, and others too may follow suit and step up. There is strength in numbers, but even one person taking a stand against a bully or an abuser, can change the course of events and maybe even save someone. 

Here is the sad thing though. I said this exact same thing to someone the other day and they looked at me as if  I might need committal papers. I was told that you can't get involved with situations like this. It's too dangerous and it's not my business anyway. WTF??? First of all, it's no more dangerous for me than it is for the person being abused, and two, my involvement was forced the moment the abuse happened in front of me. What is wrong with people? Have we lost our sense of right and wrong and most of all, our humanity? Yep. I'm built different. 

Recently a poll was taken, asking moms if they would put their lives on the line for their kids and even willingly die for their kids in a desperate situation. Do you know that an astounding number of mothers had to think about this question before answering, and some even openly stated that they would not in fact put their children's lives above their own in a desperate situation. I was literally stunned. Now of course, none of us knows how we would actually react in a situation where life, death, and seconds counted, but I would really like to think that if my children, or any child for that matter, were involved,  I would put their lives above my own and do my best to make sure that they came out of the situation safely. To even question whether I would do everything I could to save them or not, is unbelievable to me.....so again.....built different. 

This last week, I had several people question my beliefs on and my handling of death. As many of you know, my brother passed away last week after a long battle with cancer. What I learned, or maybe already knew but the point was driven home further is that all deaths and grieving processes are not created equal. It is different losing a parent from a spouse or a child from a sibling. How they die, whether it is sudden or a prolonged process also affects how it is handled and processed, but one thing is definite, regardless of preparation, you never know how it will hit you until the moment it happens. 

The absolute sadness I felt as I stood there knowing that my brother was gone and that our last conversation, was indeed our last conversation and where we had left our relationship is where it would stay, hit me so profoundly that it was like getting sucker punched and having all the air leave my body. 

As siblings we had spent a lifetime of both closeness and estrangement and to my disbelief, my grief was questioned by a couple of people who were simply mere acquaintances and really didn't know either my brother or I. Luckily I am of an age that I felt no need to justify or explain my emotions, nor I am sure, could I, even if I had wanted to. My question though, who is so bereft of human compassion that they would feel that my grief was their business or their right to judge?

To further cause me to create an impassible boundary with non-essential humans in my life, my actions and reactions following my brother's death and about death, in general, were brought into question. The fact that I chose to remember humorous and funny moments and share them with a smile and even laughter was found suspect, as well as my belief that my brother and I have not said good-bye, but merely until we see each other again. This seems to have caused a bit of a stir among those who strongly believe that death is the end. It has even been suggested that I live in a delusional world of fairytales where I see death as a beginning and very much plan on seeing not only my brother but all I have lost, at some point in the future. 

To all of this though, I have to wonder, why does anyone care about my grief and how I handle it or my belief system where death is concerned? How does this become anyone else's business and why would anyone feel the need to chime in their unsolicited opinions about any of it? Why does any of it matter to anyone but me? I would never think it my business or my place to tell anyone how to grieve, how to process or how to believe in such a situation, and yet apparently people have gotten so comfortable in judging and throwing their opinions wherever they choose, that they feel it is their right and privilege to do so. NO! I am apparently just built different. 

Okay, so this was a bit all over the place, not unlike my emotions and the activity of this last week. Perhaps you will have to cut me some rather generous slack this week and try really hard to follow the dots that connect my own point A to point Z. I guess this is part of the joy of coming along for the ride in this blog. You are apparently going to get all the feels and messiness that go with it all. 

I have been in a weird place this last week and this is where I come to dump it all. Next time we will head back to the past again where I am a little more sure-footed and more pragmatic than emotional, but for today, the here and now is where my emotional wounds are oozing (sorry for the visual), and hopefully, the healing is just beginning.  And....if you have stuck with me through this entire ride, maybe like me, you are just built different too. 

Until next time........

Activism, Changing the World and Finding Common Ground

Activism has been taking a step out of the dark and showing itself in the light of day, in my town of late. From adults to high school students, people have been letting their voices be heard on issues, and in several cases, they have had to step out of their comfort zones and risk community backlash and school fallout, all in the name of standing up for what they feel is right. Regardless of our personal feelings on any given issue, how can we not support the right of free speech and activism, when someone is brave enough to let their voice be heard in the name of doing what they think is right?

Maybe it is that we are spending more time on the internet and social media. Maybe it is that we have lost a year in lockdown. And maybe it is that since 2008 we have gotten way more political. I am not sure what all goes into it, but the fact is, if you look at social media, and even the world around you, and it seems that EVERYONE is an activist of some sort these days. 

Not a day goes by that you don't see posts supporting or decimating the left or the right. Wearing masks and quarantining has become a huge hot button. Literally, everyone has a position on masks and if you have an opinion on the subject and speak it openly one way or another, you will quickly find out just who your opposition is. 

From kneeling at sporting events and racism to LGBTQ+ issues and abortion, social media has given everyone a voice, but what do we do with that voice? Are we using our voice and our activism for the good? Are we making the world a better place with our right to free speech, or are we steadily stomping it into the ground because we forget that our voice is not the only voice, our beliefs are not the only beliefs and our opinions are not the only opinions. We don't listen anymore. We don't hear, we don't show respect for other points of view and at the end of the day, we simply don't care about anyone's voice but our own? I think we forget that when we stop listening and refuse to hear, then we stop learning, and when we stop learning, we cease having an educated opinion, and thus.....we can't change a damn thing. 

Now, I will be the first one to admit, that this world has issues. Some of them could be catastrophic if they aren't worked on and fixed, but how do you fix something when no one can agree on what the fix needs to be and just how to go about that fix? Well, according to millions of social media users, you go online and you name call, insult, and degrade each other, and I guess, hope that the loudest most obnoxious voice wins. If however, you decided to take your views to the streets, then you demand change by wrecking, destroying, and threatening. Neither way seems to be working and our world is still a mess and getting worse. 

The fact is, for every group trying to find a fix, whether I agree with them or not, they have a grievance and they feel unheard, disrespected and they are angry and frustrated, and at the end of the day, even if our viewpoints are different, they do deserve to be heard. Just think, someone does not have to agree with pro-life views, but if those with differing opinions just stopped and respectfully listened and actually heard pro-life individuals respectfully give their views, then there still might not be agreement, but there just might be a little more understanding and respect on both sides. Notice that respect always plays a key role in this. 

It is that way with any two-sided issue. I don't care what the issue is, at the very least, there is always room for improvement and at the most, an issue may need a complete overhaul. That won't happen though unless all involved can agree on what the problems are, the goals they are working towards, and the path they wish to take to get the greatest desired results. It also means that they may not have all the answers and so if they are willing to listen and learn, they may actually gain some useful information from very unexpected places. 

There are literally as many world, country, state, and city, community causes, and issues as there are humans living on this earth. Many of them could have a huge positive impact on us if we worked to unify rather than divide and if we treated each other as respected equals regardless of whether we agreed on everything, what we looked like, how we prayed, how much money we had, where our ancestors came from, who we sleep with or what our sex is. 

Now I have never been a get out and carry a sign type activist. For one, my life is really not ideally set up for such time investment away from home, and two, I have always found that I do my best work with my words and a little behind the scenes maneuvering. In other words, I don't necessarily need to be seen in order to be heard and get my voice out there. There is also a somewhat better chance of my voice and my message being heard if it's in the written word. This is not to say though, that there isn't a time and place for a truly peaceful protest on occasion, or to make your presence known at a town hall or school board meeting. We need to remember though, that you can't expect others to hear your message of positive change when your actions are nothing but negative. 

So how do we change things? How do we start making this world and our own little piece of it better? We listen. We start showing respect for each other. We accept that we don't all have to think alike or agree, we just have to be willing to look for common ground. We don't need to destroy or riot to fix things. We don't have to degrade or insult other people or viewpoints just to get our point across, and a hugely important fact, no matter what we think.....we aren't always right. So let's start small. Often real change comes from the smallest seed and it can start right at home. 

Let's start with our kids. Let's teach them to be kind. Let's teach them to identify when there is a need and to act upon it and help others. Let's teach them to pick up the trash at the park instead of walking past it or adding to it. Let's teach them that regardless of what is going on in the world, that the foundation of this country is freedom and we are so blessed to be one of the few countries in the world to have such freedom. Let's teach them to be proud of who they are and where they come from and that we are all different in our own way and those differences should be celebrated and respected. Let's teach them that the important things are character, hard work, and the desire to achieve. Let's teach them that while we may all be created equal, that at times life is simply not fair. Sometimes we have to pull up our big kid pants, deal with the circumstances at hand, and move forward. Let's teach them that it's not the easy things in life that make us stronger, but the really hard things that do. Let's teach them that in real life, no one gets a participation trophy. You have to work hard for and earn everything you get but it is oh so worth it. And finally, let's teach them that if they want respect, they must give respect, and first and foremost, they must respect themselves. When kids respect themselves, they seldom feel the need to disrespect or bully others.  

Now if we are fortunate enough to get these lessons out there to our kids, then already we are going to be way ahead of the game. The next step is our own neighborhoods. Check on your neighbors. If you see someone's lawn is overgrown and no one is mowing it, go check on them. Perhaps there is a reason it is overgrown. Perhaps they can use a little help. So get out there and mow it. If your neighbor loses his job, bring him groceries. Ask if he needs help writing a resume. Ask if they need help watching the kids while he is job hunting. Finally, work together to keep your neighborhood clean and safe and keep an eye on each other. A good nosey neighbor or two can do wonders to keep crime down and streets safe in most neighborhoods. 

Then take it to the community. Go to your local police stations and get to know the officers. Introduce your kids and let them know what the job of the police officer is and teach them to respect the badge and the person wearing it because they put their lives on the line every single day. Make sure that your kids understand that while yes, there are some bad people in all walks of life, that the majority of police are good and have only the best interest of the community at heart as they do their jobs. Also, make sure that you shop locally in your community and help keep your dollars where they are needed. Support local businesses and be willing to give a new struggling business more than one chance. Know who your city or community council members are as well as your local board of education. Keep up on what is going on in the community and if you disagree with something going on, then respectfully voice your opinion for change. Most importantly, show up and vote. 

For your state....pay attention to what's going on. Know your governor and your state representatives. Follow legislation in your state and keep up on issues. If there are things going on in your state government that you don't agree with, then never be afraid to email or call your state representatives. They need to hear your voice as they work for you, not the other way around. Talk to friends and neighbors in your state and make them aware of what is going on too. Let them also know how to make contact with state leaders. Change does not happen without work and sometimes that work means stepping outside your comfort zone. Again....show up and vote. 

In your country....know your senators. Always be vocal when it comes to change, no matter which side of the issue you are on. Support causes physically when possible and when it's not, a few dollars never hurts. Know the issues and keep up with what is going on in Washington D.C., and never underestimate the power of strongly worded emails and blogs. Get the facts on important issues and not just Facebook facts. Do your own research and get more than one viewpoint on any issue. Listen to what others are saying, but at the end of the day, it is okay to view a situation differently and to support those things which go along with your beliefs, morality, and ethics. Most of all, we need to remember that if we want real positive change, WE DON'T ALL HAVE TO AGREE, but we do need to respectfully find common ground from which we can grow from. That usually means that both sides have to give a little for the best interest of the common cause. And again....VOTE!

If we do these things and encourage others to do them too, it is my belief, that things will begin to change for the better and the world will begin to become a better and more positive place for all of us. 

Activism starts on the most basic level with our kids. When they are taught kindness, charity, respect for themselves and others (whether we all agree or not), and pride in themselves, their neighborhood, community, state, and country, then we have already circumvented a lot of future issues. 

Maybe part of the problem is that we see each other as rivals, competitors, and enemies. Instead, if we reached out to each other, helped each other, and were willing to listen and work with each other, we might see each other as friends, neighbors, and fellow human beings. It is much easier to find common ground with a fellow human being than it is with an enemy.

Peaceful protests, picket signs, and marching in the streets demanding our voices be heard above everyone else's is fine and it even has its place, but sometimes, the subtle little things can be even more powerful than we ever imagined. By being kind in the face of hate and disrespect, and reaching out even if the person you reach out to might not do the same for you, can have miraculous results. Voicing your opinion with respect and listening to opposing views with just as much respect, and remembering that each of us is a human being and we all have our story and our reasons for believing as we do, now that is positive activism that can move mountains, soften hearts and make people willing to ask questions, learn and find common ground even with the toughest issues.  

So be that activist and stand strong for what you believe, but always remember that the guy on the other side of the issue is also standing strong for what he believes too, and unless we start to listen to each other, really hear each other, and are willing to give a little and work towards unity in the middle, we are going to forever remain fractured and divided on the fringe where absolutely nothing changes and nobody wins.

Until next time....I wish you peace, kindness, and the ability to always find some common ground.  

Be the Change....One Need at a Time!

Well, July is winding down and this year so far has been something of the "you just can't make this stuff up," nature. I will admit that there has been much of 2018 that has been truly difficult and that I wasn't sure whether we would all come out okay or not. In some area's....that still remains to be seen, however....one thing that has stood out to me most about this year has been the kindness and generosity of the human spirit. Without this kindness, many prayers and the generosity of friends, neighbors and strangers, I have no doubt I would have crumbled long ago and that David and I would not be where we are today. We are beyond blessed and when this kind of kindness is bestowed upon you, you have no choice but to pay it forward. That is what I spend almost every single day thinking about and trying to do and even with that, if I lived to be 110 and continued to do this daily, I would still not half cover all that has been given to us physically, emotionally and spiritually.

If you remember on June 1, 2018, I told you that I was starting 100 Days of Kindness and encouraged others to follow suit. Well, we are now 55 days in and over half way through and I continue to daily do my best to be kind, help and encourage others in a positive way. Along with this, I am also working to bite my tongue (just because I can say something doesn't always mean I should), leave judgment to God (our judgments are seldom made with all the facts) and I am working towards being the change I want to see in the world.

One thing I have been painfully aware of for many years is that there is always need out there.....even in my small community. In this day and age, there are many single parents trying to make a living while trying to pay for childcare. Sometimes paying for the childcare takes over half the paycheck and there is little left over for food, rent, utilities and necessities. Or what about the elderly person who has lived independently all of their life and might still be able to if small issues like yard work, or maintenance issues were taken care of. Often though, living on a fixed income does not leave a lot left over for such "luxuries." Or what about the working poor who are everywhere. Both parents work and they make too much for medicaid or food stamps, but not enough to keep all the bills paid and the kids all fed. And the need goes on and on. Some of it glaringly obvious and some not so obvious, but it is there.

My community is a good one. I saw this first hand when we almost lost our home. Those that helped financially did so without a thought and those that couldn't helped in any way they could. There were many behind the scenes advising me with contacts, many praying for us and many helping to organize events. People wanted to help and they did in so many ways. Now I have people coming to me telling me they still want to help in the community. They may not have cash to throw around, but they have skills and know how and if there is a need, they want to know about it and help fill that need.

We are blessed to have many community organizations and groups that are willing to lend a helping hand in times of need. We have a Care and Share which is our small town equivalent of a Goodwill. Through Care and Share they also help those who have certain financial or other needs. They support the community beautifully and give when they can. We also have churches who have food pantries and who help to cover utilities in times of need for not only their own congregations but for the community at large and we have local groups that work tirelessly to give back to the community and fill a void when there is a need. Yes, we have so much but what we really have is our people.

Mulvane is full of good people who are always willing to lend a had when a friend, neighbor or even a complete stranger needs help. It is these people that make our community strong and help us to show the younger generations what it means to be a part of community that gives back. It is these people who I have decided to approach in the process of working on my 100 Days of Kindness.

A while back, even before my house fiasco ever happened, I had started a facebook page Mulvane....Community Gives Back. My intention was to have a page that was nothing but people helping people in the most positive ways possible. When there was a need, I wanted people to feel comfortable stating it and for anyone that could help to be able to address it. I wanted our community to be able to help each other.....one need at a time. Since that time though, I have become even more impassioned about the idea as I have realized and seen that there is great need even in the smallest community and this need comes from our friends and neighbors. We truly need each other. So that is why I am trying to find those out there that have talents and skills and asking them to give of these talents and skills to help those who need them.

It doesn't matter if all you can do is pick up sticks in a yard, someone who just had surgery may find that particular ability invaluable to them. Everyone can do something whether it is doing someones laundry, cooking a meal or cleaning a house up to having the skills to repair something electrical, fix plumbing or build a wheelchair ramp. There is also babysitting or sitting with an elderly person so a caretaker can have a break. Or maybe you know your way around the fog of insurance companies, healthcare or taxes and you might be able to help someone who needs that specific skill but doesn't have the finances to be able to pay for the help. There are a million and one ways, even in our small community to help each other and I am trying to bring both the helpers and the ones in need together.  Because of this, I have started another page Mulvane Gives Back Helpers and Handymen so that those with skills, talents and a desire to give back can make their presence and skills known.

This whole thing is not for for recognition, praise or financial gain for anyone who chooses to be involved. On the contrary, it is for one purpose and one purpose only.....to help our community. My hope is that eventually maybe Sally has a faulty light switch that she can't afford to have fixed and her need is known. John just so happens to be an electrician and he steps up and fixes Sally's light switch. In passing John states that his son is having trouble with math in school and needs help. Sally happens to be a whiz at math and offers to help John's son. And thus, the giving back and helping one another will just goes on and on.........

So this folks continues my 100 Days of Kindness. This is my way of giving back and being the change I want to see in the world. If you are a Mulvanian and care to join me in this community effort, please check out the highlighted links above. If you live elsewhere, then maybe you too can be the change. All it takes is one person to talk to another one and soon the idea can become a reality.

Be the change!

100 Days of Kindness

I think I may have mentioned the other day that things in my life and world are changing. The last year and especially the last few months have been both eye opening and life altering. We as a family have been through a great deal of sadness, hurt, frustration and our fair share of negativity, however...through it all, we have been inundated with kindness from others. And not even in my own life, but just by watching, I have seen a wave of kindness emerging that has shown me that the good, the positive and even the smallest act of kindness can truly change anything and everything.

I had started seeing a lot of this last year, so it was no coincidence that my New Year's resolution for 2018 was simply to be....kinder. I wanted kindness to be a part of my everyday world. I wanted it to be as natural as breathing and to get to the point that almost all of my actions, consciously or sub-consciously were based in kindness. Sadly, this is sometimes harder than you think, especially when we live in a bit of a narcissistic and self-absorbed world.

My year began with me, just trying to implement simple changes in my everyday actions such as making it my mission to smile at everyone. I read somewhere that receiving a smile from someone can be healing and even mood changing. In fact, your smile might be the only positive act that someone receives in their world that day. And while smiling at someone else should in no way have selfish undertones, it has been suggested that if you smile at others and spread that bit of kindness and positivity out there, well it also improves your mood too.

Another thing that I was consciously trying to do was to spread kindness through my words. It is very easy to open your mouth and let negativity come out. We just seem as a people, whether it is in our own homes, work or even out in the world to comment on the negative and spread that crap around whether it is off-handed and inconsiderate remarks, gossip about others or just down right, in your face, unnecessary hatefulness. It is much easier to tell someone what they did wrong than to look for what they did right. It is also much easier it seems to condemn than praise and sadly sometimes I think we do it with the attitude that we are helping, but are we? I know that everyone needs a little tough love from time to time and that may mean hearing something of a negative nature, but not everyday. So I started complimenting instead of just commenting, saying please and thank you and taking the time to choose my words more carefully when speaking with or to others.

Finally, I started trying each and everyday to find something I could do to be kind. I made it my mission to not just being kinder in my own home and my own little world, but to start trying to be kinder out in the real world, where I am absolutely convinced we need it the most. I tried to see everything I did and every place I went as an opportunity for kindness and then I would take it that step further and make sure I was doing it for the right reasons and do my best to keep those tiny acts to myself. I wanted to promote kindness.....not myself.

As you all know, when February hit and the bottom temporarily dropped out of my world, I made it my mission to not get angry or bitter but to continue to try to be kind in every situation, regardless of what was going on in my life. Blessedly, David and I were shown so much unbelievable kindness during this time that it was overwhelming and I realized that somehow, some way, I was really going to have to up my kindness game. So each day, I shared the kindness and today I continue that.

Today is June 1st and what better way to promote kindness than by starting summer out with a kindness campaign? Summer is a time when we seem to be more social, come in contact with more people (online and off) and it just seems like the perfect time to get out there and touch lives with kindness. So as of today, I am starting 100 Days of Kindness. It is my own personal campaign that will run from today until September 8th. In these next 100 days, I am going to do everything I can to promote kindness among my friends and in my own little world and to actively spread as much kindness as I can. Just think, even if each of us only did one tiny, small act of kindness each day and all of my fb friends and blog readers participated, can you imagine just how much kindness we would put out into the world? And if it is true and kindness begets kindness, well then your small act and my small act maybe the catalyst for thousands and maybe even millions of other acts of kindness....both big and small.

So where do we begin? Right in your own home, at your work, on social media, at the grocery store and among your own friends. Smile, use positive words, help a friend or neighbor, help a stranger, give financially and anonymously to someone who may need it, pray for someone, take an elderly persons trash out, mow someones lawn who might have trouble mowing their own, or do something for someone....just because. The possibilities are literally endless and I am sure in the next 100 days that many more opportunities to be kind will present themselves. 

Now I can't speak for anyone else, but I myself am so tired of all the negativity. I am tired of watching people tear each other down and talk with such disrespect towards others over politics, race, religion, differences of opinion and all the other things that people seem to think are worth degrading, demoralizing and disrespecting others over. Fueled with this frustration, it occurred to me one day that if we all were actively kinder to one another, many of these issues of politics, race and religion wouldn't be such grave issues anymore. So in reality, these small acts of kindness could have far more outreaching and positive affects on our world than we can currently even imagine.

So today I begin. Today is Day#1 of 100 Days of Kindness. I truly hope that after reading this that you too might want to join this campaign. I also would be very interested in hearing your thoughts and ideas on acts of kindness and how you are spreading kindness or better yet, how someone has made your day or even changed your life with an act of kindness. Just remember, one small act of kindness could literally be the catalyst for a million more. #100daysofkindness #bekind #kindnesschangeseverything

Home Sweet Home!

Perhaps this blog post should be entitled: You Just Can't Make this Sh!t Up or maybe Miracles Really Do Happen....or maybe....Be Careful Whom You Trust. Whatever the name though, the essence is that I have successfully lived through and closed one of the most trying, educational, frustrating and rewarding three and a half month chapters of my entire life.

I remember on December 31, 2017, that I made some promises to myself for the new year. The year 2017 was a pretty tough year for both myself and my immediate family and there is just something about New Years eve that makes you take stock, access and reaccess both your past and future and then plan to move forward on a better if not completely different path than the year before.

My main promises to myself were to leave 2017 and all it's drama in my rear view mirror, to work on being kinder, less judgmental and if not able to be helpful, then to be harmless in every situation possible. I also promised that I would focus on David and his upcoming spinal surgery that we had been told in October, would be happening in March. This was to be a scary and life changing event for us (scary for me and life changing for him) and I wanted to focus all of my attention on it and make it as positive as possible for him before, during and after. So as resolutions go, my list was not large, but the goals were lofty.

As 2018 took a hold, I was trudging along doing the life happens thing and just blending into the atmosphere of the new year until February 2nd. Little did I know....but this day was going to be one of the most life altering days of my life. It was this day that the phone rang and it was my dad asking me to come see him the following day. I remember my gut immediately tightening up as I hung up the phone. To this day though, I have no idea what made me so anxious. Was it his voice? Was there some underlying message that he conveyed and I picked up on? I really don't think so. I think that it was what I was always afraid of. I think because I knew he was getting older and that his health was not great, that I was going up there to be told that something was really and horribly wrong with his health.

I tried very hard not to focus on the next day that night, but I didn't sleep worth a darn. It remained in the back of my head that whatever I was going up there for, was 1) not going to be good news and 2) was going to be life changing for all of us. I had no idea how right I was.

When the eviction bomb was dropped that day, I was in total shock. I was a mess of emotions and as I stood there looking at my dad and my brothers faces, I remember feeling worse for them than I did for myself at that moment. There is nothing worse than seeing (perceived) pain on the faces of people you love. In hindsight, perhaps it was less pain and more discomfort that I was seeing.

I remember as I walked out of the building, my legs felt like jelly and I really wondered if I were going to make it to my car. It wasn't until I got to my car that I realized that I had been in almost a dead run through the building and out through the parking lot. As I sat in my car trying to absorb this information, David's face was all I could see. How was I going to let this child down? How could I allow him to lose his home and all he knew......and all of this with this huge surgery coming up? I was in panic mode and I immediately called two individuals who I thought might help. Did I expect anyone to really be able to loan me the kind of money I was needing at that moment? Of course not. The two people I called though, were both people I looked up to and who I guess I was asking for moral support as much as anything but no matter how I worded it, the end result was I need money....can you help? Of course they could not but both offered prayers which in hindsight was the most amazing thing they could have done. Those two phone calls were the start of one of the most humbling and humiliating few weeks of my life. I later apologized with my whole heart to both of these individuals for putting them on such a spot and for being so presumptuous as to even approach them on such a matter..... and although both have said they understand, I don't think I will ever get over doing that.

Once home, I was at a loss of what to do, so I do what I always do. I wrote. Well, actually I vented and not in a blog. I vented on Facebook of all places. I was out of ideas and I was really hoping that someone might suggest a place I could turn to that would help being that I was not in the best financial situation to be looking at purchasing my home on my own. I remember that just after I posted it and reread what I posted, I almost took the post down but I got distracted. A few minutes later I went back to remove it and by then, the post had taken on a life of it's own.

There is a lady in town whom up until all of this, I had never met face to face. I had talked to her numerous times as she has a young son with seizures and other issues and we had talked about our common issues with the dreaded seizures. On this day, this woman single handedly put into motion what ultimately would save David's home and give me new insight into my life and the world. She has no idea what an angel she is or how instrumental she was in the last few months of mine and David's lives. I owe her a debt which I can never repay. To be honest, I now owe a lot of debts I can never repay.

From February 3rd until now, life has been fast and furious. There has been the planning of fundraisers, the fundraisers themselves, surgery, recovery and let's not leave out the every day life that has been going on too. As I said, it has been hard, humiliating (the whole world had to know my life and my issues and I had to ask for help), exhausting and also rewarding, amazing and life changing. Because of this eviction threat, I met some wonderful people, I reconnected with others and I learned just how much David was loved in our community. I also learned that kindness, compassion and caring are not just pretty words, but a call to action. They should be a way of life and not just shown to those you deem worthy but also to those who don't always show the same. Mostly through all of this though, I have learned so much about the power of prayer.

In these last few months, my ask was not just for financial help, because for many, even $5 was more than they could spare. What I asked mostly for was prayer. I have seen in my life more than once how powerful prayer is and when you have a multitude going up for one purpose, well that is life altering. Make no mistake, we could never have made our goal without prayer and I am grateful for every prayer made for us. It got us through this ordeal physically and emotionally, it got David through surgery with an astoundingly amazing procedure, hospital stay and recovery and ultimately....it saved David's home. 

May 22nd at 9:00 a.m., I closed on our home. With that signature, I ensured that David would always have a home.....his home. He would get to keep what he knows, his dogs, his room and the place that has been the center of his world almost his entire life. I am so beyond grateful and each day I try to do something to pay forward the generosity of love, spirit, kindness and yes financial help that was given to us. It is something I will do everyday for the rest of my life.

Pulling off saving David's home was truly a miracle. Raising the kind of money we needed in such a short time was an impossible task and yet through the help of our community, many friends, family and complete strangers.....it happened. There are so many people that I want to thank. Many though have asked to remain anonymous, while others I simply don't know. So here is what I will say: If you prayed for us, gave us a good thought, donated an item for the auctions, bought an item at the auctions, helped to plan the fundraisers, donated for the fundraisers, helped out at the fundraisers, donated your time in anyway for the fundraisers, showed up and enjoyed yourself at the fundraisers, shared posts on facebook and/or donated financially......thank you! Please know that I have given those prayers back to you a million times over and that not even the smallest act of generosity that you have shown my family will go unappreciated. You all made this happen and as I said, I will never stop paying it forward in your names.

I think the most important lesson I have taken away from all of this is that as jaded and negative as our world seems to be at times, there is still so much good in it. People will still stand up for the underdog and fight for the kid in the wheelchair. Most people are truly good at heart. I have also learned that sometimes friends and strangers have a better grasp of the word "family" than true family ever does. Most of all though, I have learned that anger and frustration are emotions of negativity that cause more harm than good. I may never know what the true reasons were behind this eviction or why family would choose this method to handle things but at the end of the day, I can give what I didn't get and that is unconditional love, kindness and most importantly.....forgiveness.

And with all of this, a chapter closes and I can say....for many years to come, David and I are.... home sweet home!