Me Time

So here I sit. It is the first time in quite some time that I have had some "me" time. The house is quiet except for the tinkle of the wind chimes sounding in the breeze through the open windows. It is peaceful and has given me time to collect my thoughts enough to be able to sit down and write this blog.

Since last I blogged (a couple of weeks ago) we went from winter (temps in the 40's) to summer (temps in the 90's). To be fair, we did have about two days of spring (70 degree weather), but I think it is safe to say that "summer is upon us."

I have had lots of questions about David, so let me start there. I am having "me time" today because today was David's first day back at school since surgery. He is going half days to see where his stamina is, but last Monday at his post surgery doctors visit, Dr. Hollenbeck released him to start school this week.

David has once again proven to be a miracle. This surgery which everyone dreaded and in which the surgery and recovery time were very daunting on paper, has turned out to be much easier than any surgery he has had to date. What's more, his doctor and his PT are thrilled at the speed of his recovery and the unexpected progress he has made so far.

David was off pain meds before he even left the hospital and after a talk with the doctor while he was still in the hospital, my confidence in taking care of him was boosted 1000%. Of course there have been those moments where I have been on the verge of a mommy melt-down trying to figure out how to do something where he is concerned and being terrified that I was going to break him, but after a few slow deep breaths and a lot of prayer, the answer always comes and we move forward. So..... you can imagine how surreal it was for me to send him off to school today. This was not something that I thought would happen this school year. Once again....David took the ceiling that the doctors expected and shoved it completely out of the way, in order to reach his own heights.

Truthfully though, in the big scheme of things, he is still taking baby steps in his recovery and will not be given full okay to go back to as much of his pre-surgery life as possible until after June 4th when we see the doctor again. Still though, he is weight bearing, walking some and moving forward every day. Yes, I think this all qualifies as a miracle.

Now onto the situation I have been getting lots of questions about recently.....How are things with the house going? 

I know I have been rather quiet about it all of late and there are reasons for this. The biggest one of course has been that my focus has been on David, his recuperation and his rehab. That has been a 24 hour a day venture and I have had little time to think about anything else.

There has also been the issue that my lawyer has told me to keep $$ amounts quiet and every time the subject is brought up, there are those that want to know exact amounts, which I can't give. I really am sorry about this but I feel as if this situation has been a community effort and I really don't want it to seem as if I am holding anything back. In the end though....all will be revealed. ;)

And it seems likely that there will not be anymore fundraisers as there have been some others with great need come to the for front in our community and the focus is on them.....as it should be. Time, money and resources are going to these families and my attention has been put on helping them too in any small way I can.

Today though, I will fill you all in a bit on our current situation and where I am at personally with it all.

We are now 3.5 months in on this house situation and quite frankly, I am just as confused today as I was February 3, 2018. I have no definitive answers on what is really behind this situation. The only thing I know for sure is that if I don't raise $78,000 David and I lose this house and all we know. The good news is.....we are close. I have had faith since day one that it would happen, even before our first fundraiser..... and I haven't lost that faith for a second along the way. However, I have been hit with a lot of sadness during this time, and each time I learn something new that doesn't mesh with the original story told to me, that draws questions and makes me feel like there might be deception behind the reason for us losing our home. I hope I am wrong, but this nagging feeling is at times unbearable. I spend a lot of time praying that I can keep my focus where it needs to be and that I don't fall into the negative space of anger. Knowing the reality behind it all might make it easier to forgive and move forward, but if I have learned nothing else in this journey it is that even family is fallible and sometimes we simply have to forgive a situation even when we don't have all the answers.

That being said and forgiveness aside, I am wiser and unfortunately, those particular ties maybe irreparably damaged. I really would like to believe that they truly feel bad that David and I were left in this situation, but sadly, nothing I have seen or heard indicates that.

So enough with the negativity. The bottom line is that "it is what it is." I can do nothing but deal with the situation as I know it and move forward and that is what I am doing. Through it all though, I have learned so much about the people in my world, myself and the kindness and generosity of others. I have seen love, kindness, strength and a community of family, friends and strangers come together through prayer, action and financial help for my son and myself. It has been truly amazing. I have been humbled beyond belief and it has set my sights for the future in a whole new direction.

Today, in my quiet solitude....I have come to realize that more so than ever in my life, I am beginning to know myself. I am seeing new and amazing strength in both myself and in David and most of all, I am beyond grateful for the lessons I have been given these last few months and for the grace I have been given in order to get through it all. David and I are blessed beyond words and without a doubt I know......we will Save David's Home.

If you would like to know more about Save David's Home, here is the link to check out the facebook page and to read up on our reality. There is also a YouCaring page if you would like to donate.

Updates and Such

No, I didn't fall off the face of the earth, I just got sick. David too. We have been fighting one thing or another since the fundraiser. Today though, I feel more human and although David is still on the nebulizer, he is doing pretty well too.

Just because I have been out of circulation doesn't mean that life hasn't gone on and time hasn't continued to tick away, so here, let me catch you up.

The fundraiser took a great deal out of me as it did all involved. Several came down sick or simply didn't feel well before during and after. I don't know whether it was just the stress or something going around. Trust me, some of the people that helped out and actually did a great deal of the work were already extremely busy in their own lives, so taking on David's fundraiser was just added stress and complication to their lives. They did it though, bless their souls and I can never thank them enough.

A couple of days prior to the fundraiser, a friend from Texas came up to help. God bless her as I had a ton of cheesecakes to bake and we were getting down to the wire. With her help though, the cheesecakes were baked and delivered on time. On Friday night we all emerged on the church to make chili and get the church hall ready for the next days events. I plated and prepared cheesecakes while others set up the auction tables, made chili and just generally got everything ready for Saturday.

While I was working I started feeling very sick. Circumstances made it so I had to go home anyway and after getting home, my fever shot up and I laid and shook for several hours. By 5 a.m. I thought I might die. It's an exaggeration now, but that morning....not so much. I took a final dose of ibuprofen and prayed alot and by 7:30 a.m., I felt much better and the day began.

The fundraiser ended up being a success as we raised close to $9,000 when all was said and done. The left overs from the fundraiser were used to feed the homeless and David had an amazing time walking around and well.....walking around. There was a lot of space there and he and his walker managed to cover it all.

By the time it was over, we were all fundraisered out but I was so grateful to all who showed up to help and who were so kind as to be a part of helping to Save David's Home. The $9,000 helped to bring our total to about $45,000. It was amazing. The sad reality though was that even though we had raised so much, we still had a lot left to raise and March 31st wasn't getting any further away.

Truthfully though, the Sunday following the fundraiser, I was absolutely sick. God got me through Saturday but Sunday He definitely made me aware that I needed to rest. I had no idea how much stress and frustration that I was going through or how badly I was taking care of myself. I was bound that this house was not going to kill me in the process of saving it, so......I decided to allow myself the time to recharge.

Oh, I may have left out a small detail here. The week following the fundraiser, my lawyer contacted me and told me that my father had a new lawyer. Since my lawyer had not yet talked to the new lawyer, I had no idea whether this was a good thing or a bad thing and what this might mean going forward. I literally almost cried as I just wasn't up for having to slay anymore Goliath's. The next day however, after talking to the new lawyer, my lawyer got back with me. According to the new lawyer, my father is financially not healthy. That being said, he had gotten wind of the fundraiser and the money raised and he was willing to give us until June 30th to finish raising the money which all in all will be $78,000. I had a few questions as to why if he was in such a bad situation I was never made aware of it and also, why he had not put his own house on the market yet as I was originally told this was part of the fix to his problem. My lawyer also asked if since I had to give them a doctors note stating David was actually having surgery, if we could see some concrete figures as to his financial stress. Of course my lawyer was denied which didn't surprise me. My dad is old school where finances are private and I am sure just the fact that his need is out there is embarrassing to him, so no we will not be given any info on that front. I simply told my lawyer that at this point, the "why's" really don't matter. All that matters is, "the what is" and the what is...is what I have to deal with. Oh...and I was also told that I couldn't bad mouth my dad or my brother as I guess they had received some back lash. My lawyer assured him that I had not. I will not, but I am not responsible for the opinions or knowledge of others.

I took this as a huge win in the respect that it gave me time and with that time it gave me a week or so to heal, get strong and then get back at it. I am grateful to my dad for giving me this added time. It truly was a gift. So today I am back. I have my windows open and the spring air is blowing in. I am starting to feel rejuvenated and ready to get back in the fight.

Going forward, the fundraisers are still in the works. We have a beirock dinner fundraiser at Laurie's Kitchen on April 7th, a quartermania on April 8th (place TBD) and an upcoming 20% fundraiser night at Mulvane Pizza Hut and possibly a 20% fundraiser night at a restaurant in Wichita. I also plan on doing a cheesecake fundraiser after David's surgery (if his recovery allows). So I have not given up. I am still going to Save David's Home and I am still in the game. I just needed to get healthy.

Also, David's surgery will be April 10th at 7 a.m. at Wesley Medical Center in Wichita. I ask for continued prayers for the success of saving David's home and for a successful and beneficial surgery for David. Your prayers have gotten us so much farther than I ever dreamed and I have no doubt with their continuation.....we will go all the way and David will be happy and healthy in "his" home.

I also want to thank all of you who have helped, attended, worked behind the scenes, given and also those who have prayed. You all have no idea what it has meant to David and I. I can't thank you all enough and I will be paying it forward for the rest of my days.

Thank you all and have an amazing day!

The Situation

So it's been a few days since I have barraged you with my thoughts and introspection on our "situation". Your welcome! Yes, I am back.

What is the update? That is the question I have been asked a million times in the last week and the truth is, there have been no definites and still aren't any, but here is the current status of our life.

We have had snow and ice most of the week and school has been called off three days in a row. We have cabin fever and my usually dazzling personality is absolutely dimming. The upside to this is, I have a really great lawyer. This man is kind and takes a lot of time and attention to detail. He listens to me and lets me ask questions and that in and of itself is amazing. Still, though...this is a tough situation and me not being privy to all the why's and wherefores that are behind this whole decision to evict us and sell my home, makes for a less than cut and dried case. Add to that, the opposing attorney is not exactly being forthright (as is her right) and the legalities are tough, but then again, most worthwhile things in life are tough and I am no stranger to this.

I will say that I have had some surprising and totally unexpected avenues appear on the horizon and there is great hope that my goal of saving David's house will be met. Prayer and faith are amazing things and I am grateful that my mother instilled great faith in me and that my family, friends and complete strangers have bestowed many many prayers on this situation and I do believe that mountains may be moving.

We currently have approximately $16,000 in donations alone which is unbelievable in such a short time. The donations have come from all over but the majority have originated right here in our community, which is amazing. My community is not one of great financial wealth, but it is one of great kindness, generosity, faith and love. This is beyond evident when you see all that have jumped in to help us and make sure that David's home remains his.

On top of the donations, a Save David's Home fundraiser has been planned for March 10th. It will be a chili cinnamon roll feed(it's a Mulvane thing) until 3:30 p.m. and from 5:30 on it will be hot dogs and a cheesecake bar. Throughout the day  there will be a silent auction and bake sale. The items that are being donated for the auction are amazing as are the donations for supplies to make the food. It is simply overwhelming to see so much love for David.

Another fundraiser is being planned for April 7th at a local restaurant. It will be a bierock casserole dinner. We are also working on a quartermania as well as a few other things that are still being talked about. It is a huge amount of money being sought after by a town full of huge hearts.

Now back to the situation. My lawyer was hoping that in light of the many different and extenuating circumstances, that we might get until the end of May to do our fundraisers and get the money raised, without having to get the court involved. It would definitely take some of the extreme pressure and stress off of me with David's upcoming surgery.

People may not realize this, but along with helping to plan and implement all of the fundraising stuff, I still have a house to take care of (yes....David's house), laundry to do, David to take care of, David's appointments to go to and other things pertaining to David as he is turning 18 this year and I have a great deal of paperwork and legal work that has to be done there too, so yeah....a little bit of an extension would have gone a long way to keeping my blood pressure from going sky high and my brain from exploding. No such luck. In fact, his request was met with an emphatic NO! and the counter offer was that we could have until March 31st (David will likely still be in the hospital at that time) and in order to get that much time, I had to get a letter from a financial institution saying that I could get the money and get a letter from David's doctor saying that he in fact was having surgery in March. Can you believe that? I have to prove that David is having surgery, as if I would lie about that....or anything for that matter. It was so disheartening but at least it gave us an actual 30 day extension. Thank you God.

Yesterday I had to write a letter that was extremely hard as a first step to negotiating more time. The letter was to let them(the opposing side) know that I was not trying to be difficult and that I was trying to put the best interest of everyone in the forefront. I was told to include details of David's surgery, why the house was originally promised to us and how I felt about receiving the eviction papers that day. It was so hard because as I wrote it, I had to go back to David's birth, his diagnosis's, Tim dying, Mom dying and my dad feeling that my kids had been through so much and he wanted to offer them/us a place of comfort after all the turmoil and sadness. I had to remember telling him how much I appreciated his offer of us moving in to this home, but I couldn't do it if we would just have to move again. The kids had just been through too much. Then there was the unexpected kindness from him, telling me that this would be our home as long as we wanted it. It would be our forever home. 

Then I had to go over David's health and his upcoming surgery along with his previous surgeries. I had to give details about David that since they are family, they should already know and have some understanding and compassion for. But then I realized that the whole reason we are going through this is because they simply do not.

Finally I had to understand as I wrote this letter, that I might as well have been pleading my case...our case to complete strangers, because the reality is, they don't know me at all. They don't know what I do or how I have fought all of these years to raise my kids, take care of David and respect this home all on my own. They don't know the tears of frustration I have shed at times realizing that I was doing this by myself....something I never signed on for. They don't know the nights I didn't sleep or sat in ER's and hospital rooms again, by myself. They don't know the times I have sat next to David while he was sick or septic and wondered if those were our last moments together. No, they don't know me. And what's worse is, they don't know David. They have never bothered to know David because he was loud, or he didn't communicate well or that he wasn't their vision of normal. They never got to know him and his love of Spongebob and Cops. They never watched his excitement as he walked with his walker and greeted people in his path. And they never got to hear his amazing belly laugh when something was funny to him, causing everyone else in the room to laugh too. Because if they had, if they cared, then this would never be happening.

If they knew us, then we would mean something to them and if we meant something to them, then consideration would have been given to our situation. I would have been part of the decision making process. I would have had a voice in all of it and most importantly.....David would have mattered. So yes, the letter was very hard for me. Much harder than I ever imagined something could be. Realizing the truth is sometimes a difficult thing.

Today, I begin again and continue to fight. There are positive things in the wings that along with the fundraisers and donations, are quietly coming to fruition. There is much hope and I know in my heart that we will not lose our home and that in the process, I am learning many valuable lessons about life, people and appreciation. I am at peace and I am grateful.

So that my friends is the situation.

#savedavidshome
#fightfordavid

A New Day

It's a new day and a new week. I could look at it as it is one day, one week closer to the deadline, but instead I choose to look at it as it is a new day to achieve a goal. The goal? To save Davids home!

I keep blogging even the mundane about this whole thing because it is my therapy right now. It keeps me from losing track of the goal and it also helps me not to get discouraged and fall apart. Every time someone posts something wonderful about David or the fact that they want to help or just that they are praying, it gives me just that much more confidence to know that we can succeed and achieve for David. You all have no idea how therapeutic you are.

Last week was so surreal and I spent most of the time lost in a fog of disbelief and bewilderment over an unthinkable situation. This week, I am focused. I know what has to be done and God willing, I will get some answers about this whole situation. No, Ellen is not likely to swoop in and save the day, nor is a bizillionaire going to come out of the woodwork and fix this. I am fully aware that in this case, I am in charge of mine and David's destiny and if this house is to be saved for David's mental/physical stability and his future, I have to step up to the plate and make it happen. Luckily I am blessed with people that want to help and want to insure that David never has to know a day where his future in this house is in question.

Part of stepping up on my part is asking a lot of others to help. I have asked for donations, physical help in planning a fundraiser and I have asked people to SHARE everything about this situation on social media so that word gets out of the crucial need for a lot of money in a very short time. Now I ask again for something from ALL of you. PLEASE pray for us! Even if you don't normally pray, I am begging that you just say a small prayer for David and our situation as I am sure in God's ears, those prayers are the sweetest. I keep remembering "Ask and you shall receive." Okay, if I am asking and you all are asking, surely God will help us to find a way to make David's future in this house secure.

Last night we had a fundraiser meeting for Save David's Home and tonight there will be another one for those who didn't make last nights. We did make a great deal of headway last night and tonight, I hope to get more good ideas and to finalize everything right down to the date. Trust me, I will be sharing all that info tomorrow.

So I thank you all for taking the time to read my blogs and let me vent and get some therapeutic release. Now I must get busy and Save David's Home.

#savedavidshome
#fightfordavid

Peace and Purpose

So as I was sitting in church this morning and it occurred to me that taking an excursion through my brain right now, would not be for the weak of heart. Trying to focus on the peace and serenity of the moment was futile as my brain furiously raced from one thought to the next. "I must save David's home! How can I save David's home? God please help me! If you worry....why pray? I must give back! What can I do to give back? There are so many other people whose need is as urgent if not more so than mine. Oh Lord, how do you manage all the need? PLEASE GOD...I need a miracle!" Yeah, it was a chaotic mess of feelings, emotions and the world closing in all at once....and then....there was peace. 

As I sat there listening to the story of Jesus curing the leper, the true and complete knowledge that all things are possible through Christ, hit home. My manic brain was at rest and the clutter was parting ways. I looked around at my church and the many faces, some familiar, some new and I realized that this too was my home. The moment that thought hit me, then a new and more important thought hit. It was as if I knew that my situation was going to be absolutely fine. I was not alone and that through my own determination, the generosity of those around me and much much prayer....all would be fine. BUT this gift must be paid forward.

I have seen in my later years that kindness and generosity above all else are crucial in this world. When all you have to do is turn on the tv or surf the web to see ignorance, hate and selfishness and see what it is doing to not only our younger generations but our world in general it is pretty clear that something has to be done. For awhile now, I have been working on this in my own life and trying to encourage others to do the same. So how do I continue to do my best to spread kindness and pay forward the generosity that is being shown my family? It hit me in church like a ton of brick.

Not trying to leave you with a cliff hanger here, but until I have this fully formed in my head and know how I am going to proceed, I won't share the details. However, let it suffice to say that from this moment forward, everything in this process of saving David's home will be a learning experience, committed to memory and saved for a time when the lessons can be used to help others.

I know there are those who hate organized religion and that is their choice, but for me today was a game changer. Being in God's home was the first time that my brain wasn't plaguing me with the swarm of questions, frustrations, whatifs and yes....fears. I was given peace, my brain was decluttered and I may have just found some crucial purpose in all of this.

And yes, I ask you all to continue to pray for us as the time is growing shorter and this week is likely the week that we will get a lot of answers and clear cut plans. I ask you also to please keep sharing David's YouCaring page and his t-shirt page as we have an astronomical amount of money that has to be raised in a very short amount of time. Finally, I ask one other favor of all of you. This week, please go out there and do one small act of kindness in David's name. Something tells me that this might just be a game changer in our fight to Save Davids Home. Thank you in advance for your kindness.

#savedavidshome #fightfordavid