Me Time

So here I sit. It is the first time in quite some time that I have had some "me" time. The house is quiet except for the tinkle of the wind chimes sounding in the breeze through the open windows. It is peaceful and has given me time to collect my thoughts enough to be able to sit down and write this blog.

Since last I blogged (a couple of weeks ago) we went from winter (temps in the 40's) to summer (temps in the 90's). To be fair, we did have about two days of spring (70 degree weather), but I think it is safe to say that "summer is upon us."

I have had lots of questions about David, so let me start there. I am having "me time" today because today was David's first day back at school since surgery. He is going half days to see where his stamina is, but last Monday at his post surgery doctors visit, Dr. Hollenbeck released him to start school this week.

David has once again proven to be a miracle. This surgery which everyone dreaded and in which the surgery and recovery time were very daunting on paper, has turned out to be much easier than any surgery he has had to date. What's more, his doctor and his PT are thrilled at the speed of his recovery and the unexpected progress he has made so far.

David was off pain meds before he even left the hospital and after a talk with the doctor while he was still in the hospital, my confidence in taking care of him was boosted 1000%. Of course there have been those moments where I have been on the verge of a mommy melt-down trying to figure out how to do something where he is concerned and being terrified that I was going to break him, but after a few slow deep breaths and a lot of prayer, the answer always comes and we move forward. So..... you can imagine how surreal it was for me to send him off to school today. This was not something that I thought would happen this school year. Once again....David took the ceiling that the doctors expected and shoved it completely out of the way, in order to reach his own heights.

Truthfully though, in the big scheme of things, he is still taking baby steps in his recovery and will not be given full okay to go back to as much of his pre-surgery life as possible until after June 4th when we see the doctor again. Still though, he is weight bearing, walking some and moving forward every day. Yes, I think this all qualifies as a miracle.

Now onto the situation I have been getting lots of questions about recently.....How are things with the house going? 

I know I have been rather quiet about it all of late and there are reasons for this. The biggest one of course has been that my focus has been on David, his recuperation and his rehab. That has been a 24 hour a day venture and I have had little time to think about anything else.

There has also been the issue that my lawyer has told me to keep $$ amounts quiet and every time the subject is brought up, there are those that want to know exact amounts, which I can't give. I really am sorry about this but I feel as if this situation has been a community effort and I really don't want it to seem as if I am holding anything back. In the end though....all will be revealed. ;)

And it seems likely that there will not be anymore fundraisers as there have been some others with great need come to the for front in our community and the focus is on them.....as it should be. Time, money and resources are going to these families and my attention has been put on helping them too in any small way I can.

Today though, I will fill you all in a bit on our current situation and where I am at personally with it all.

We are now 3.5 months in on this house situation and quite frankly, I am just as confused today as I was February 3, 2018. I have no definitive answers on what is really behind this situation. The only thing I know for sure is that if I don't raise $78,000 David and I lose this house and all we know. The good news is.....we are close. I have had faith since day one that it would happen, even before our first fundraiser..... and I haven't lost that faith for a second along the way. However, I have been hit with a lot of sadness during this time, and each time I learn something new that doesn't mesh with the original story told to me, that draws questions and makes me feel like there might be deception behind the reason for us losing our home. I hope I am wrong, but this nagging feeling is at times unbearable. I spend a lot of time praying that I can keep my focus where it needs to be and that I don't fall into the negative space of anger. Knowing the reality behind it all might make it easier to forgive and move forward, but if I have learned nothing else in this journey it is that even family is fallible and sometimes we simply have to forgive a situation even when we don't have all the answers.

That being said and forgiveness aside, I am wiser and unfortunately, those particular ties maybe irreparably damaged. I really would like to believe that they truly feel bad that David and I were left in this situation, but sadly, nothing I have seen or heard indicates that.

So enough with the negativity. The bottom line is that "it is what it is." I can do nothing but deal with the situation as I know it and move forward and that is what I am doing. Through it all though, I have learned so much about the people in my world, myself and the kindness and generosity of others. I have seen love, kindness, strength and a community of family, friends and strangers come together through prayer, action and financial help for my son and myself. It has been truly amazing. I have been humbled beyond belief and it has set my sights for the future in a whole new direction.

Today, in my quiet solitude....I have come to realize that more so than ever in my life, I am beginning to know myself. I am seeing new and amazing strength in both myself and in David and most of all, I am beyond grateful for the lessons I have been given these last few months and for the grace I have been given in order to get through it all. David and I are blessed beyond words and without a doubt I know......we will Save David's Home.

If you would like to know more about Save David's Home, here is the link to check out the facebook page and to read up on our reality. There is also a YouCaring page if you would like to donate.

Peace and Purpose

So as I was sitting in church this morning and it occurred to me that taking an excursion through my brain right now, would not be for the weak of heart. Trying to focus on the peace and serenity of the moment was futile as my brain furiously raced from one thought to the next. "I must save David's home! How can I save David's home? God please help me! If you worry....why pray? I must give back! What can I do to give back? There are so many other people whose need is as urgent if not more so than mine. Oh Lord, how do you manage all the need? PLEASE GOD...I need a miracle!" Yeah, it was a chaotic mess of feelings, emotions and the world closing in all at once....and then....there was peace. 

As I sat there listening to the story of Jesus curing the leper, the true and complete knowledge that all things are possible through Christ, hit home. My manic brain was at rest and the clutter was parting ways. I looked around at my church and the many faces, some familiar, some new and I realized that this too was my home. The moment that thought hit me, then a new and more important thought hit. It was as if I knew that my situation was going to be absolutely fine. I was not alone and that through my own determination, the generosity of those around me and much much prayer....all would be fine. BUT this gift must be paid forward.

I have seen in my later years that kindness and generosity above all else are crucial in this world. When all you have to do is turn on the tv or surf the web to see ignorance, hate and selfishness and see what it is doing to not only our younger generations but our world in general it is pretty clear that something has to be done. For awhile now, I have been working on this in my own life and trying to encourage others to do the same. So how do I continue to do my best to spread kindness and pay forward the generosity that is being shown my family? It hit me in church like a ton of brick.

Not trying to leave you with a cliff hanger here, but until I have this fully formed in my head and know how I am going to proceed, I won't share the details. However, let it suffice to say that from this moment forward, everything in this process of saving David's home will be a learning experience, committed to memory and saved for a time when the lessons can be used to help others.

I know there are those who hate organized religion and that is their choice, but for me today was a game changer. Being in God's home was the first time that my brain wasn't plaguing me with the swarm of questions, frustrations, whatifs and yes....fears. I was given peace, my brain was decluttered and I may have just found some crucial purpose in all of this.

And yes, I ask you all to continue to pray for us as the time is growing shorter and this week is likely the week that we will get a lot of answers and clear cut plans. I ask you also to please keep sharing David's YouCaring page and his t-shirt page as we have an astronomical amount of money that has to be raised in a very short amount of time. Finally, I ask one other favor of all of you. This week, please go out there and do one small act of kindness in David's name. Something tells me that this might just be a game changer in our fight to Save Davids Home. Thank you in advance for your kindness.

#savedavidshome #fightfordavid 

Saving Our Home

Breathe! I AM strong! Breathe! I CAN do this! Breathe! I DO have faith! And then the old saying....If you worry why pray and if you pray why worry? It has all been swarming in my head like a nest of angry bees for the last 24 hours. What a difference a day makes! Truly.

I won't bore you with all the gory details of my current plight. If you want the details....check out my facebook page. The details are there. This is just me trying to process and figure out how I am going to handle this newest of drama's in my life and how I am going to continue to keep a roof over Davids head (preferably the only roof he has ever known) and how we as a family move forward.

Yes, it has been awhile since last we met here. So much has transpired so fast that I am still processing it all. In the last year, along with David whose health has always been a crap shoot, most everything I know about my world and my life has changed. Anything that I thought was secure has proven to be anything but, however, in this last year....I was reassured once again that upon my father's death, this house.....our home would be deeded into my name and my family would always have a roof over their head. Barring natural disaster, this was our home. Yesterday that all changed.

Now my home is nothing special to the naked eye. My home and I are the same age and since 1976, this home has been where my world began and ended. Except for a few years living elsewhere, just about every memory I have....both the good and bad are in the walls of this house. My late mothers yells of "LisaMarie....get down here," and my late husbands laughter still live in every fiber of it's make up. The parties my friends and I had when we were teenagers, the sleepovers and the smells of my mother canning still live here right along with me. My kids grew up here and David has come to rely on the comfort and security of this place as the one sure thing in his unsure world. His room means everything to him. It is his domain and his safe place and for him to have it taken away is just unthinkable to me.

Last night as you can well imagine, I barely shut an eye. As much as I tried to shut the insanity of the day off and rest, all I could do is think of each room and remember all the moments big and small that happened there. I could hear all the voices that have resided here and through the fighting of tears, think about those I lost here. This home is just such a part of us all. It was beyond heartbreaking to sit my kids down yesterday and tell them that by March 1st, this would no longer be our home. That everything I had ever promised them about always having a home here was just gone in one eviction notice.

And that eviction notice..... a notice that gives us less than 30 days to find a new home (with no money), move everything including our pool, deck and shed (otherwise it would become theirs) and never a word to me when they knew this was going to happen. I never knew an eviction notice could be so humiliating....especially when handed to you by family. So many emotions. "Just breathe," I kept telling myself as they sat their looking at me. The tears were right there but damned if I would let them see them. Damned if I would let them out. I still haven't.

Mixed in with all of this joy is the fact that David is to have a very extensive spine surgery in March. That has weighed on me terribly as I know what a difficult surgery, hospital stay and recovery this is going to be. When I mentioned this to my family while standing their holding eviction papers and trying to make sense of any of it, my brother simply looked at me and said, "Well, it's in March, so you'll be moved out by then." What does that even mean? All I could think was, I don't care how I feel about you or how you feel about me, if the shoe was on the other foot, I would never allow this to happen to you or your family. I would have fought for you. I would have found a way to make it all work without you losing your home. Without your son losing his home. But then again, maybe that is just me.

Then, last night I started thinking that with this, I am losing so much more than just my home. If I had to move right now, where would I go? Likely we will not be able to find a place big enough for us and affordable here in my home town. So then what? David loses his school? The people he has known his whole entire life? Really? And what about our dogs? The dogs we love that are as much a part of our family as the two legged animals running around here? Spud and Gizzy are old dogs and this is the only home they have ever known. What if we can't keep them? What if we don't have a backyard for our beautiful baby Shane? What if I don't have a place big enough for Davids equipment, for my grandchildren and for the few things I really love? The tears almost came. They are almost coming now, but damned if I will let them.

I have many wonderful friends out there who want to help. They are trying to help with advice, suggestions and even financial help. Oh and don't think that wasn't difficult and demoralizing to know that we are such a charity case that I had to air all of this on facebook and beg for help. I truly hope no one I know ever has to feel that much humiliation, but then again, the circumstances of my life made me check any ounce of pride I ever had long ago. I am left humbled with the realization that blessedly there are many good people out there and very undeservedly, I have some very good friends and an amazing community. Whatever comes of all of this, the bottom line is.....I will be paying it forward and giving back every chance I get....for the rest of my life.

I am keeping the faith and praying like crazy. I know that regardless of how this all turns out, life goes on. The world keeps turning and God will see us through. I also know though, that God expects me to fight for my family, for my home and most of all for David.

If you would like to help please head over to our YouCaring page. If you can help financially that would be amazing, but if you can't, please share and most of all, please pray that we get the miracle we need and are able to keep our home.