Three Headlines and My Opinion

Good morning! 

Not sure how it is in your world, but in mine, it is day two of rain. The humidity of course is high but the temps aren't as fallish as I would like. It is still a bit warmer than us pumpkin spice-drinking, pumpkin patch loving, leggings, and sweater-wearing connoisseurs would like. In fact, it is still a bit steamy out there. All-in-all though, it is a pretty good day to sip hot tea and spill the T in a blog. 

I wasn't sure what I wanted to write about today until I opened up my news app and started looking at the headlines. Then I remembered someone telling me not too long ago that there were a select few who liked to hear my views on world happenings. I really thought they were joking, but apparently, the hilarity I found in the statement, they found  to be a bit insulting as they were actually being serious. Who knew?

Okay, so be it. Today's blog will cover a few headlines (both locally to me and nationally....maybe even worldwide...who knows?)and bonus, you will get my views on such. Yeah, be careful what you ask for. 

My first headline is a local one. https://www.kake.com/story/49882600/newton-man-sentenced-to-more-than-4-years-for-mistreatment-of-a-dependent-adult    This story is short, but definitely not sweet. The place they speak of Heartland Supports, is in a little town North of Wichita. It apparently is a day program for dependent disabled adults. This less than human beast, apparently beat and battered a disabled client and now will be doing a whole 4 years for his crimes. Grrrrrr....I have BIG opinions on this. First of all, from the time David (my special needs, dependent son) was about 8 years old, up until now, I have always had people pushing me to put David into either a home for dependent indviduals or a day program after he graduated high school. My reply was always "thank you....no thank you," but not always in those nice of words. 

After years of hearing stories about people in nursing homes and assisted homes of all kinds, being beaten, abused and even killed, by staff who were not properly trained and who flat out didn't give a damn about the people they were hired to care for, I made up my mind early on, David would never be put in that position. David is especially vulnerable as he is non-verbal and when he is not being understood or listened to (yes, he can communicate if his caregiver, para, etc are willing to take the time and listen), then he can become frustrated, resulting in an arm grab, a small pinch, or even mild combativeness. This seldom happens anymore though, as he has gotten good at letting us know his needs, or maybe we have just gotten better at listening. He has however, even in a school setting been verbally chastised, and according to some who chose to remain nameless, even physically reprimanded. Imagine that in a setting such as Heartland Supports, where I couldn't oversee the situations like I could at school. David could be a statistic just because someone found him challenging and didn't want to deal with him, and David would never even be able to let anyone know. 

Yes, David will always remain in our home setting where he is loved, understood and his "voice" is always heard. As for this cowardly beast who hurt someone who had no ability to fight back, in my humble opinion, 4 years is not nearly enough. There should be extenuating punishments for those that hurt the elderly and disabled, and I am sure there is a special place in hell for them. 

I also feel that the Heartland Supports should shoulder some of the responsibility and all facilities caring for the disabled whether it is a living facility or a day facility, should conduct in-depth background checks on anyone they hire as well as extensive training on both the physical and mental care of those in their charge. Unfortunately, that would have to come with a big budget and much higher pay scale, that most of these places will not provide. Most of these workers, not unlike the paras (support staff for special education in schools) get paid barely minimum wage with little to no training but a lot of high expectations in service provisions. In other words, often the most vulnerable of our society aren't deemed worthy enough to have caretakers in facilities make quality care a priority. Grrrrrr

In lighter news https://www.today.com/popculture/taylor-swift-travis-kelce-kiss-cheek-rcna121758  Oh Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift. SWELCE! Yes, I had to bring it up. 

I will admit when this whole Kelce/Swift thing started, I was a bit amused. The first I heard of it was when he was apparently crushing on her and he had someone tell her (I think, my brain is humidly challenged this morning) and she didn't seem any too impressed. It was kind of the Hollywood adult version of passing a note and asking her if she liked him. This was even before pre-season I believe. Then suddenly, without football fan warning or consultation, we hear that the two are a couple. Hmmmmmm. Who doesn't remember the Jessica Simpson/Tony Romo debacle and the grief it caused both him and the Cowboys? I bet Romo does!!!! No one (or at least me) wanted to see Kelce and the Chiefs go down that same road. 

So imagine my dismay, as the SWELCE "romance" began to blossom and T-Swift became the focal point of the season, and definitely every game that the Chiefs played. I read all the gossip headlines accusing the two of an unholy alliance of self-promotion to enhance both of their careers, or the belief that this was just made up play acting to keep the Chiefs relevant. 

Honestly, it is pro-sports and Hollywood, if we have learned nothing else, we have learned that anything is possible and either/or headline could be possible, however, it didn't seem likely that two people, both at the top of their game in their individual worlds, really needed the promotion, and the Chiefs certainly didn't. So maybe the two were legit, BUT must I see more of  Swift at these games than the actual games? I posted something about this on FB and while some agreed that they were over the two before they even started, others sighed and chastised me for not acknowledging young love in bloom. I remember thinking to myself, until he becomes her next heart break, man done her wrong, top 10 single. Yes, I am extremely jaded. 

There is no question that I am and was pre-SWELCE,  a Kelce fan. I have however, never been that big on Swift....no matter how much my granddaughter plays her songs. Okay, there are a few songs that I find okay, but Swift as a person, I just kind of wonder about. So many boyfriends, so many break up songs, and if you listen to gossip media, our T-Swift might be headed to the dark-side with some of her songs and videos. Did she really sell her soul for pop stardom and now NFL stardom too? 

Then I hear stories about people in this new world of football fans and friends that Swift is starting to cultivate. She is kind to those around her. She picks up her trash and the trash of others. She goes out of her way to meet people, and okay, maybe the most endearing thing I have seen, her sweet kiss on Kelce's cheek, and their innocent hand holding. All these things are things a boy mom would be watching out for if a girl (even Taylor Swift) were hanging out with her son. 

So my consensus.....maybe they are for real. They definitely aren't throwing their PDA in our faces like some of the famous couples tend to do in an effort to show the world their love (think any Kardashian), and they aren't trying to defend their relationship through all the clapback that they get. At the end of the day, I guess it really doesn't matter if they are a "real" couple or not, and by the way, what defines real couple anyway? They seem happy, and the Chiefs Kingdom have settled down and don't seem too unhappy that the more Swift shows up at the games, the better Kelce plays. I guess the only real question left is, can SWELCE get us to another Super Bowl win? If not, then at least we know that T-Swift will have a hell of a next album. 

And finally, https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/tumor-destroying-sound-waves-treatment-coming-to-a-hospital-near-you-for-liver-cancer/ we all need a little uplifting news when it comes to cancer. 

Cancer has been around a very long time and dare I say there are very few of us that can say cancer has not touched our lives in one way or another. It is a disease that can produce over 200 types of cancer, along with genetic mutations that can can take the disease from very treatable to completely out of control. Yes, genetics and our individual cell make up play a huge part in whether we get cancer or not. 

With cancer sometimes the treatments are almost as bad as the disease itself, using poisons and radiation to kill the cancer that can damage other organs, cause other illnesses and make the cancer patient sicker than they ever felt with the disease. Often times the treatments are also invasive, such as surgery to remove the cancer or even the affected organ. 

Of late, new trials keep popping up and some are less damaging than the old tried and true chemo and there is also positive info coming out on cannabis and it's ability to kill cancer cells, but with over 200 kinds of cancer, it makes sense that not every new trial or treatment is going to react to every cancer the same way. That is why something like non-invasive treatments such as sound waves might be an exciting breaktrhough in the field of cancer and it's treatment.  

May we one day find a cure for cancer in all its forms that erradicates it from our world. 

Well, there you have it. You have three interesting(ish) headlines and my opinion on all of them. 

So until next time, stay dry, stay happy and be kind!

Thoughts and Prayers, and a Crisis of Me

 Let's just get down to it today. 

I dreamed about this piece last night (or at least the theory of this piece), and I woke up thinking about it this morning. It has continued to play in my head, so I would say that is my sign to put it on paper. This is the first time in a long time that this has happened, so hold onto your bloomers if you plan on going along for this ride. I have no idea how deep this will go or what all will come out as I type, but I do think it might trigger some, in content alone. I guess I will then preface this with Sorry! Not sorry! 

So grab a cup of coffee, brew a pot of tea, or get yourself a Dr. Pepper, and let's get this blog piece started!

Last night I was doing some research and catching up on current events. Even I, Non-news Nancy, am not oblivious to world happenings. Don't get me wrong, I try to be. Truly I do, but sometimes the happenings are just too big and yes, even too scary to ignore. In this case, I really hold no fear, more astonishment, and disbelief, as the world is changing and I feel that humans are currently their own worst enemy and will be their own downfall in both this world and the next. 

I am going to begin with "thoughts and prayers." Do you want to trigger someone who has little to no faith? Post on social media, or say in front of someone lacking, that your thoughts and prayers are with someone struggling, grieving, or hurting and you will see a literal outpour of emotional gibberish on "What good are prayers when this person needs money, or a cure, etc, etc." I can't even count all the times that I have been chastised for posting this and literally belittled for doing so little to help someone who is suffering or in need. Does it bother me? No! I mean, I might feel a twinge of sadness for the chastising persons' lack of perception, self-control, and faith, but other than that.....let them feel justified in their convictions. My thoughts and prayers are with them too. 

Having said this, I do wonder if the statement you are in my thoughts and prayers is just words to some, or if they back them up with actions? No judgment one way or another. Just curiosity. After all, the statement does seem to have become quite the norm on social media posts, where loss, pain, and/or suffering is the topic. We all want the poster to know that we are thinking of them and in some cases, maybe saying we are praying is just what we think they want to hear. I sincerely hope not, because if every "thoughts and prayers" comment were true, then how awesome would that be?

When I say "You are in my thoughts and prayers", I try hard to mean every word of it. In the moment that I read the post, I say a prayer then and there asking that God's will be done for the person or family involved. I try not to stop there though. Each and every time I think about that person or family throughout the day or sometimes for many days, I renew that prayer. So when I make the statement, I try to make it absolutely factual and not just calming words in the moment. 

I know to some this sounds like nothing, especially if the person posting is in need of money, or food, or is in terrible pain or grief. I have even flat-out been asked just what I think prayers will do for this person. Sometimes I take the time to explain that I learned about 23 years ago, the true power of prayer.

 When a doctor looks at you and tells you that your child is within hours of dying and the medical community has done all that they can you become frozen in disbelief. When he follows it up with, "If you pray, then put it in God's hands. His hands are far safer than any doctors." It is at that moment that you realize that you could be a gazillionaire and it would not matter. Money, a casserole, or nothing else was going to save my child. That is when my heart became so heavy that it dropped to my stomach and made me hit my knees in prayers. My husband and I begged everybody in the vicinity to do the same whether they prayed or not....and they did. We also called family and friends and begged them to pray and every time our family crossed their minds, to pray some more. Here we are 23 years later, and that child not only survived but thrived and is still going strong. In fact, we were assured as we took him home from the hospital, by another doctor who believed far more in science than God, that David was a bonafide miracle and that there was simply no way he should be going home on no meds, and no oxygen. No one had to convince us. 

And that my friends is why you all are in my thoughts and prayers. Prayers are more powerful than any other human act a person can give. In fact, prayer is dare I say, the greatest gift someone can give another human being... Perhaps I will delve into this more in another piece on another day.   

So back to world news. Oh yeah.....humans are f-ing up the world!

We seem to have forgotten or some may never have realized that all we have didn't just appear one day. It was given to us by our Creator (I call Him God) and He gave us some very simple rules to live by in order to keep and maintain this world and in gratitude, just what did we go and do? We deny Him and His rules. We mock Him and we make it seem as if humans created God rather than God creating humans. What is worse is in the name of religion, we put human ideology and interpretations into God's own words. 

We have removed God from all places, including some churches, and replaced Him with self-serving ideals, greed and the desire to please and serve ourselves rather than to please and serve Him. We give ourselves all the glory and God none of it. Instead of reading God's word and following His teachings, we paraphrase and manipulate until we hear the message that is easiest on our ears and the one that fits in with our own wants and desires. Anything is wrong if we claim it to be in the Bible and if that is our agenda, just as anything is right if we manipulate and reword God/Jesus's teachings to make it seem that whatever we want or do is not only acceptable but also Biblical. Playing God is not a good look for anyone but God. 

Now we sit with a war in Isreal and a social media full of people who have been previously shut down and shut up speaking out about everything from our current world following Biblical prophecy to child trafficking and the evil one and his followers alive and well and growing in numbers......right before our very eyes, should we choose to open them. 

Okay, so I am not a conspiracy theorist, but I am also not stupid. I am of the mind that this world is very big and there is much we don't know. I have also lived long enough to know that not everything is what it seems, but then again, some things are EXACTLY what they seem. Some of the stuff that is currently being talked about has some pretty compelling "facts" to go along with the stories. It's hard not to question the validity of some of the things that are being discussed. Moreso, there are many people who you would not think to be wild and out there backing up some of the things we are hearing. So what are we supposed to believe and how are we supposed to react? To further confuse the whole conundrum, with the onset of AI, we can't even go by the old adage, "I'll believe it when I see it." The fact is, just because you see it, doesn't always make it real anymore. 

Don't even get me started on AI and man's desire to create what can actually and no doubt will actually destroy him down the line. Yes....we humans are just fantastic creatures.  <heavy on the eye roll>

Then there is me. In the last couple of years, I have been suffering from a crisis. I don't want to call it a crisis of faith, because I have never lost my belief in God, my faith, or the belief in the power of prayer. I guess then, it is a crisis of ME! I have become one of those humans who has become so frustrated with other humans in all facets of life (including religion) that it has been too easy for me to take steps back and reexamine literally everything. 

I have begun to question so much about our world and the human aspect of it all that it has made me not like other humans very much. Are things really getting worse, or do all people my age pass that judgment. OR have things been getting progressively worse over time and that judgment for each generation has been correct? We have become a world of haters and hypocrites who can't view the past for what it was, and accept it for those times and how the people of those times viewed things, acted, and reacted. Instead, we want to put today's values and viewpoints on a people and time where today's values have no place. Thus, we want to ignore and/or cancel the past, totally forgetting that without the past in all of its triumphs and faults, we can't learn and thus make a better tomorrow. Another human failure. 

With all the questions I have been pondering, I have not remained faithful in my religion and that has been something that has literally eaten a hole in my soul. Now don't get me wrong, I was born a Roman Catholic and I am still a RC, but like anything else, the human aspect of it all, yes even the church bothers me. I have become so frustrated with people who call the Church home and yet try to bend and twist the Church's teachings to fit their way of thinking and believing. Why? What is this all about? If the Church doesn't suit your sensibilities then maybe you are in the wrong church, but quit trying to make the Church human run, when truthfully it is God's church in which we are to serve Him and His word, not Him serve us and what we want. 

If it's a self-serving church you want, perhaps you are looking at the wrong end of the spectrum. 

In all of my questioning and soul-gouging, I have been waiting. I have tried to listen quietly and hear what God might want of me personally. I have asked in prayer and even talked to Him as a father to a  daughter. What does my father want of me? Last night, I think the answer hit me. 

As I was watching videos about the world and all that is wrong and evil with it because of self-serving humans, and as I worried (a little) about AI and the deception that it could bring to this already deceptive world, I asked myself, how will I know? How will I be able to tell true goodness from true evil? After all, the evil one hides in plain sight in our world whether it is in our music, our schools, our government, and yes, even our churches. So how will I know if I am doing right or wrong, following the good or the bad? Then it hit me, GO TO CHURCH! Follow not the humans, but the word of God. Pray every day for guidance and the ability to avoid that which is not of God. But then there was one more thing that hit my heart like a ton of brick. We ARE in end times. We have been since day one and how we follow God's words and teachings is going to be the determining factor of our eternity.

 Miraculously, at that moment, some of my Confirmation teachings came back to me. (For those wondering, in the Catholic church, Confirmation is one of the seven sacraments of our faith at which time, we become a soldier of Christ. You can't receive this sacrament unless you are old enough to understand what the church and your faith are all about). Words like "Love your neighbor as yourself for the love of God," hit me pretty powerfully. "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Light," also played over in my mind. After sleeping on all of this, this morning, one other thought kept dancing around, "Be not afraid." These were my favorite words of Pope St. John Paul II. I have loved these words so much that they are literally tattooed on my arm. 

So how am I to go forward? I am going back to church.....God's church. I am going to receive the sacraments every chance I get, and even though the human aspect of things is what has bothered me, my job is to follow my faith and first and foremost do as God commanded. I will love my fellow man as if they are my own flesh and blood because they, like myself, are created by God. I cannot change any other human, but I can change myself, and perhaps through that, others might see and find something in me that helps to change them. I will do my best each and every day to show kindness and compassion, find the good and positive in the world (something I have been struggling with) live all of God's commandments, and live to serve God and not ask God (even in prayer requests) to serve me. His will not mine. I will do all of this without fear and have complete faith that by following God, He will lead me to where I need to be. 

WOW!!! I'm going to be pretty busy just worrying about my own soul and loving others regardless of their souls. Remember, Jesus didn't hang out with the self-professed "holy" ones. He hung out with the broken and bad. Many of those later became saints. Little fun fact, many saints were sinners first. 

See, I told you I had no idea where this was going or how deep it would get. If you felt triggered by anything I said, maybe ask yourself why. I don't typically talk about God this much but today, I think this is what He wanted and this is what I needed....not so much God in general, but my relationship with God and the hypocrisy which I have been feeling towards my fellow humans. 

We do live in a crazy world and without a path, just where might we end up? Who knows how this all is going to end and what we might find out along the way, but perhaps, the upside in all of this, at least for me, is that my crisis of me, may just be at an end. 

Today I fast and pray for peace for Israel and for each of you, you all remain in my thoughts and prayers. 

Good Morning and Welcome Back!

Well......good morning and welcome back! 

Not sure if that greeting is more for the readers (assuming there are any), or me. It has been almost a year and a half since I last blogged and before I actually sat down to begin this morning, I was a bundle of giddiness mixed with almost procrastination, as I kept finding things I needed to do before I sat down. Still, I was so excited to be able to sit down and write, and more so that I wanted to sit down and write, that I couldn't stay focused on the things I needed to do. Welcome to that sneak peek into my world.

I have no idea where this first blog piece is going to take me, as there are a lot of pent-up words, and emotions fighting to get out as I type, so pardon any rambling, incomplete thoughts, or out-and-out absurdity that may show up here. Just know that if you are reading, I am grateful and I promise all my blogs won't consist of locked-away brain gumbo. Some may actually have real merit! Ummm....maybe. Well...possibly. Okay.....we can only hope!

So a little catch-up about my world, since last I blogged. I think I quit blogging because I was starting to feel overwhelmed with life and the expectations I was putting on myself as well as what the world was serving up, and my feelings and emotions were in a place where I couldn't get them from my brain to the paper. I went on a bit of a hiatus from social media, blogging, texting, people, and anything that made me feel overwhelmed. Did I mention people? Maybe it was a late-term, mid-life crisis or maybe it was just me feeling like I was just doing too much. Whatever the case, I had to stop it all for a bit and find my footing again. 

During that time though, I was not bored, nor was I free from life's little surprises and tragedies. In the course of a year, I lost both of my older dogs (Gizzy and Spud) to age and injury and I lost my new puppy (Wendell) just before his 1st birthday to a brain tumor. I was truly not prepared for the emotional toll that losing these fur babies was going to take on my heart. God had my back though, and I guess the compromise was, that my late husband Tim now has three fur babies to play with in heaven and I have a new fur baby (Harley) that came to me through I have no doubt, divine intervention. She just turned a year old and she healed my heart and my soul in ways I had no idea they needed healing. 

We also went through some major family drama (what family doesn't) and some loss of good people. I also found audiobooks. Yes, I know they have been around for forever and that I am behind the times, but sometimes I just fight technology, because we are not friends. However, up until audiobooks became my best friend, I had to choose between sitting down and reading and leaving everything else undone, or doing everything else and never having time to read. I can now do all I need to do and listen to my books. Last year I read close to a hundred books, rereading old favorites, and classics I never got around to, and finding some new genres and books that I would never have thought I would even crack open. I was pleased to find that my love of books is still alive and well. 

During this time, I also added apron maker to my repertoire. It all happened by accident as I decided I wanted a farmhouse apron (a longer, crisscrossed in the back apron with lots of pockets). I went to my favorite place for instruction (YouTube) and I watched videos for making many different types of aprons and then pieced together a pattern of what I wanted MY apron to look like. The first one I made for me was hideously made, but from outward appearances, it was cute. It had a beige and black background of farm animals and the straps and pockets were red gingham. I loved it regardless of how bad the stitching and piecing looked and I took a picture and put it on Facebook. As they say.....the rest is history. From that one picture, I had numerous requests for these aprons. This meant no more piecing and racing through the sewing. Before I knew it, I was taking orders from all over the country (literally), I had a Facebook page dedicated to the aprons (Grandma Lisa's Farmhouse Aprons) and I even branched out here and there and made mens bbq aprons, kids aprons, and kitchen towel sets to match the aprons. I was working 9-10 hours per day, 7 days per week and it was literally the best thing that ever happened to me. I had a deep focus with a deadline and a purpose that wasn't just kids, the house, appointments, etc. Between the aprons, my old reliable cheesecake making, and Harley, I found a little piece of me that had gotten lost in the chaos that my life had become. By the way, that first hideously made apron is still going strong after literally hundreds of washings. I guess it wasn't as hideous as I thought. 

This summer I was able, with the help of David's school para, who is now a family friend, to take David and the three grandkids on many fun adventures. We made it to zoos, museums, and parks and I was made aware of how blessed I am to be such a close part of my grandkids' lives and how lucky I am to be able to watch them grow into individuals that make me laugh, make me furious and keep my world from ever being boring. 

Amongst all of this, one of the best things that has happened is that I have found my brother again. The adult years have not been great for him and me for a multitude of reasons. We had many ups and downs over the past decade and have become just people we used to know. The fact was we knew very little about each other's lives or even who we were as grown people. In truth, there was just so much wasted time being angry over things that we didn't have all the facts on and we likely never should have been angry about in the first place. 

My brother has the Lynch Syndrome gene which is a particularly nasty cancer-causing gene. My mother also had it, which gave him and I both a 50/50 chance of also having it. Once tested, we found that I did not have it, but he did....and he didn't just have it, but he apparently took on the motherload of this gene. In the last 6 years, he has dealt with three recurring cancers (colon, bladder, and kidney) plus he has just been diagnosed with two more (lung and bone). He is also suffering from the side effects of the cancer treatments he has endured which include: osteoporosis, the loss of his bladder, and diabetes, just to name a few. In the last year though, he and I have become much closer through all of this. It nearly kills me thinking that my baby brother has to endure what he is going through. Moreover, it cuts me to the bone that there is no way that I can fix it. We talk though. He keeps me up on his appointments and their outcomes, and our conversations have even ventured into our kids, and even memories of our childhood. The conversations, even though the content is not always pleasant, are always good, and my prayer life is increasing by leaps and bounds as I flood heaven with prayers for him. 

I have also gotten to know the tremendous strength of the man who is my brother. He reminds me very much of my mother and her strength in fighting a similar, though not nearly as heinous battle with her own cancer. My brother is strong, as he knows his wife and young son depend on his strength, and he has taken each new diagnosis and treatment with calm and quiet determination to fight and beat this horrific disease. I find myself in awe of how steadfast and even positive he remains through all of this. I am not sure I would have the strength he has and I can't help but feel that God still has much He wants my brother to do here on earth. He has definitely reminded me that the years don't matter if the minutes aren't handled with care and appreciated to the fullest. I think in this aspect, we are both trying to make every minute count. 

If you pray, please pray for my brother and put him on any prayer chain you see fit (Andy Jacques). If you don't pray, please make an exception in this case and send him all the positivity you can. 

Also in this last year, I have begun more and more to think outside the box and look at different ways of accomplishing things and just simply doing things that I have never done before. I am also doing my best to simplify everything in my life. I am trying to opt out of any and all clutter in my life, my home, and everywhere else clutter tends to pop up and overwhelm me. 

So now I guess we are caught up. Back to this blog. 

I have no idea when I am going to blog again or how often, but I will share my blog posts in as many places as I can, including several places on Facebook, so if you like my blogs, you will have plenty of opportunity to find them when they appear. Also, in the theme of simplifying and downsizing, I currently have four blogs out there in the blogosphere, all as woefully discarded as this one has been and all dealing with different aspects of life. Going forward though, I am going to condense them all into THIS blog. Trying to chase down numerous blogs and keep up is one of those things that overwhelm me. All the blogs have served some form of purpose and even healing for me in the past, but let's face it, they are all about my life and my world, so why complicate it all? Let's just pile it all here in one place and call it good!

The following are the links to my other blogs so in case you would like to catch up on them or in case you have never read them, feel free to take a peak and see what they have all been about. 

Do I Look Like a Celery Kind of Girl? https://cmom-toomuchinformation.blogspot.com/

This was my health blog. It took on many faces over the years and I can't really say that I am much healthier since its inception, but there is some good information to be had in it. 

Life With the Incredible Mr. David  https://theincrediblemrdavid.blogspot.com/

This blog deals with all things David and covers some of the most agonizing and awe-inspiring moments in his life. 

To Hell and Back, An Al-Anon Moms Story  https://thabalanonmom.blogspot.com/

This blog saved my life during some of the worst moments of my sons' addiction and it covers some of my journey of finding my own self and the healing that had to happen for me, through Al-Anon.

So there you have it. This blog will be a combination of all of this, plus I have asked some past readers and Facebook family and friends to throw out ideas for this blog. It might be fun to step further out of my box and have to do some research here and there and learn a little something. However this goes though, I hope that my blog gives you entertainment, education, and maybe even humor along the way. For me, it will be an unburdening of my brain, emotions, and experiences and as always, it will include a good heap of healing for my soul. 

Please feel free to go back and reread my old pieces, follow the links to my other blogs, and read and comment anytime about anything. I look forward to hearing from you and I hope you like what you read. 

Until next time.......... 

The Art of Perspective

Perspective. It is not a one size fits all view of the world. It is actually individualized by who we are and how our past reflects our present. In other words, a group of six different people from six different backgrounds can all go through the exact same incident or situation and come out of it with six different perspectives on the incident or situation. I think, as a whole, people lose sight of this and thus get frustrated or upset when others either don't have the same devil may care attitude over a situation or the same "the sky is falling" attitude. It is simply forgotten that people are individuals with individual views. 

A perfect example of this whole individual perspective thing was the last two years with COVID. We all were faced with the same virus and the same possibility of acquiring it, and yet the way people reacted to it was everything from "So what it is just another virus. I am going on with my life as normal," to the other end of the spectrum where people refused to leave their homes and if they did have to venture out, they didn't go without a weeks supply of hand sanitizer and a military-grade face mask. In between these two extremes were many variations of both scenarios. Same virus, the same possibility of contracting it, and yet a million different perspectives on the need for safety and protection. What is more, with those different perspectives also came an almost militant view on others and their lack of or overreaction to how they handled the situation. It has literally been crazy with people losing friendships and family not from the virus itself but from the set-in-stone perspectives they had over it. So yeah, perspective is kind of huge for us humans.  

I think at times, we all forget that we are all human beings with many things in common, the most important of which is the fact that we all come into this world and none of us gets out alive, but there is a lot of gray area as to how the time we have from beginning to end should be used. There is also that pesky little commonality of being human and oh so fallible. Again, perspective plays a huge part in how we live our lives, from the desire to experience all this world has to offer, to the debilitating fear of everything that we encounter. There is also the fact that perspective is just that. It is how we feel about or see something and it is not always based in fact. 

I have been thinking a lot about this recently. Maybe it is because this is a pivotal year for me (at least in my head). This year I turn 60, an age that I once viewed as ancient, I now see as still quite youngish....a big difference of perspective. This is also the year that Mr. David graduates or by now, has graduated. After 18 years of him being in school, he and I are both about to embark on a new chapter. My old perspective was one day at a time and with fingers crossed and a lot of prayers, maybe we will make it to graduation. My new perspective is a question mark. I have no idea what each new day will hold with him and me, but I will take it with gratitude and without fear. (The whole fear part where David is concerned is a huge change in perspective for me.)

Today, I dropped my little grandsons off for pre-k. It was their last day. It was an interesting year for both them and me with lots of unexpected twists and turns and I seem to remember last year at times, feeling very overwhelmed as I let the outside world creep in and color my view of my own world at home as well as theirs. Perhaps I let worldly fears and thoughts of the unknown, give me a false perspective on our life. Today, though, I realized that I am seeing these two amazing little humans in rays of positivity and hope. Both have progressed and learned and have the right to have not just the grandma they get, but more importantly, the grandma they deserve. I see now, that it is my job to shine a light on the good and positive things in their world, as well as to help them to maneuver the more scary and less positive things, helping them to understand that they are strong enough to not just survive, but also to thrive in whatever life throws at them. In some ways, this is the perspective I have always fallen back on, but I won't lie, these last two years have weakened it to some degree. Now I feel, that it is back much stronger than before. 

Speaking of strength, what about Miss W? Every day she changes and matures and it amazes me to see what a strong and beautiful young girl she is turning into. Next week she will be out of school for the year and I have no doubt by the time fall gets here, she will be taller and more full of life than she even is now. 

I think in the past I have viewed myself as someone on the sidelines cheering her on, but not really being much more than a spectator in her life. Recently though, I have realized that while most young girls love their daddies, they also need strong women in their lives to teach them how to be strong women themselves. I, along with her mom am one of those strong women in her life and it is my responsibility to do more than watch her grow and change. I am in the unique position to help her connect her future with my past and the lives of the women that have gone before her and to let her know where she came from and help guide her to where she is going. This is a definite change in perspective, allowing me to realize that perspective need not be chiseled in stone. 

The biggest difference in perspective for me though is the realization that there are those who need me around for as long as they can get me, and not as a sideline sitter or spectator, but as someone who walks along with them and isn't afraid to live life and show them how it's done. Previously, my brain had given me a bit of a negative perspective about the impending big 6 0 and what that might mean. I thought perhaps I should start slowing down and just accept aging (the good and the bad) as it comes with no pushback and no fight. Granted that became easier as this calendar year started with the flu and health issues with David, but then I realized that like everything else...."this too shall pass," but was I going to allow life to pass me by while I sat idly giving up and waiting to become old, or was I going to show my kids and grandkids how 60 and 70 and 80 really looked? I chose the latter and as I did, my perspective on life and my purpose in it, changed too. Look out world, 60 is just the beginning for this mama!

So yeah, perspective. We all have it and we live our lives and base our current actions and reactions on it. It's part of the whole human thing and at times, that perspective can be the gift God gives us to change our little piece of the world and make them better and more vibrant. At other times though, it can be the very thing that holds us in place and doesn't allow us to take chances, explore or even enjoy life because of fear or trepidation that things might not work out or be as we hope. If we keep in mind that perspective can be fluid and ever-changing with an open mind and our ability to allow new information in, then it can be the thing that makes 60 looks better than even 40 did and keep us happy, healthy, and forever young. 

Even in Our Darkest Hours.......

As most of you who know me know, I may not be fearless in most walks of my life, but in blogging, I typically am. I usually have no fear of what I say or how I say it. Today though is different. 

I have wanted to write today's blog piece for a while, and when I finally got the permission to do so, all my writing fearlessness flew out the window, so it has taken me a while to get here. Why? Because this piece is about someone whose faith and strength astounds me. I am in awe of her and I want my words to do her story and her words justice. 

I feel this story is hugely important and should be told with the grace and dignity in which it has been lived. I know, like myself, others will hear this story and find their own healing and inspiration in it. This story, simply can't help but touch others deeply and profoundly, and I only hope that my telling of it will honor all involved. 

Years ago, I had a little hair and nail salon in our little town. I was the nail tech and my days were spent doing two things I loved, doing nails and talking to people. While I loved all of my clients, there were a few that were special to my heart. One of those was an amazing woman named Tutti. Her name alone provoked a smile and her outlook on life and the vivaciousness of her spirit lived up to her name. 

My nail table was tucked out of the way in a little corner of the shop, with good reason. When my favorites came in, often we spent a great deal of time laughing. Tutti wasn't only one of my favorites because of her spirit and personality, she was also one of my favorites because she gave me free rein over her nails. She would say, "What do you think suits me this time?" She would walk out with everything from palm trees, to fish, to tropical birds on her nails and she always seemed to love whatever I did. 

Tutti's favorite subject to talk about during her nail appointments was her kids and most especially,  her beautiful little curly-haired daughter named Stephanie. She would always walk in, sit down and say, "Now ask me what they did this week." Then she would regale me with some hilarious story that Stephanie or the boys did. It was obvious those kids were her heart and I loved every story she told. 

Eventually, I sold my shop and moved on. Too many hours smelling perms and acetone took its toll on me and I got out of the business. In time I lost track of my customers, even my favorites. Years later, I was doing a cancer walk at the old high school track when I was told that Tutti had battled cancer and had lost her battle a few years earlier. It made me tremendously sad that I had lost track of her and had not known this. 

It was at this same walk, that Tutti's daughter Stephanie was pointed out to me. She too was there for the walk. She was at this time,  a grown young woman, and a striking beauty. I immediately walked up to her and introduced myself, telling her that I knew her mother and that I was so sorry for her loss. Stephanie had no idea who I was, but she was kind and gracious and so amazingly poised. I saw so much of Tutti in her. 

Skip ahead to just several years ago. My David was in grade school and he was going through a really rough time with a lot of sudden changes in his school life that were prompting a great deal of seizure activity. I was at a crossroads trying to decide whether continuing in school was even the right path for him or not. Then along came Stephanie. She was an RN that had previously worked at the cancer center, but had changed jobs and been hired by the school district after her son was born. With all the issues David had been having, the school realized that they were on the verge of losing him as a student, and that at the time, he needed someone more medically based than a para, so they put Stephanie with him. It was one of the wisest decisions they had made at the time. In a lot of ways, Stephanie turned David's world around and in her, he found compassion and stability at the school that I don't think he had felt in the presence of others. 

Stephanie literally was a game changer for David and through her care and kindness, she gave him the  dignity and respect, that others had neglected in showing him. Her nursing skills were a Godsend too as she was ever vigilant where his seizures were concerned, and if she ever became concerned with his health, she didn't hesitate to bring those concerns straight to me. It gave me a peace of mind with David and school that I hadn't had for a while. 

The impact that Stephanie's presence had on David was so amazing, but deep in my heart, I knew that working at the school was not to be Stephanies true path, so when I was told she was leaving the school district, I was not surprised. I was even less surprised when I found out that she was going back to work at the cancer center. This was where her heart truly was at. 

Like time always does, it moved on. I kept in touch with Stephanie as all of us in the 21st century do, through social media. I watched Stephanie and her husband Jeff have kids and raise them. They were a beautiful family and they were busy with sports and coaching little league, moving homes and jobs, and establishing a life full of love and adventures that they shared in their pictures and posts. It was a joy to watch and a bright spot in my day to see Stephanie's posts. 

True to her kind nature, she often also posted about her job, or more often, her patients posted about her and how she had helped them through chemo and on their cancer journey. There were also the sweetest posts from Jeff on her timeline as he celebrated her on birthdays and anniversary's and Stephanie showed the same love in return. It was as if, even as young as they were, they realized what they had in each other and they were grateful for every moment they shared together. 

On July 11, 2019, as I skimmed a post Stephanie had made, I stopped reading mid sentence and had to start reading the whole post again. What I read literally brought tears to my eyes. I am sure that I was not alone. 

Jeff had been having some "concerning symptoms" and after going to the ER, they learned that he had a mass in his brain. After a brain biopsy, they learned that he did in fact have a Glioblastoma, which for those of us who don't speak oncology, this was a very aggressive brain tumor. Being true to the nurse that she is, in the same post, Stephanie was already in fight mode and she and Jeff were getting a game plan in place in which they had every intention of giving this cancer a run for its money. I was sure that if anyone could do it, this family could. 

Say what you will about small towns, but ours is a pretty awesome place. The minute word was out about Jeff's battle, our town vowed to battle right along with him. Stephanie and Jeff had an amazing circle of family and friends which grew exponentially in the days, weeks, months, and years that followed. People were reaching out to help this family in any way they could. There were fundraisers, t-shirts, and prayer requests going out to all churches, all faiths, and all people. While I am sure at times that Stephanie and Jeff felt this battle was a solitary quest, the fact was, there was love and prayers coming at them from all directions, especially from those whom Stephanie had been there for during their own cancer journey's. 

In the weeks that followed, you couldn't go anywhere without seeing "Team Hoag" and "Hoag Strong" t-shirts, and social media was filled with posts of family, friends, and strangers sporting the t-shirts in support of  Jeff and his family. The love and kindness this couple had given out so freely to others, was now coming back to them a thousandfold. This family was not fighting alone. 

Even though I never had the pleasure of meeting Jeff, I prayed for him daily and for Stephanie and the kids, because I knew from my own family experience with cancer, that it affected the entire family. I had read a little about Glioblastoma and I knew that this family was in for a rough road ahead. 

Early on, someone had posted on FB, "God gives the toughest battles to his strongest soldiers." This proved to be such a true statement. Jeff and Stephanie knew the odds of survival from this type of cancer, and yet they decided regardless of the outcome, cancer would not win! They refused to allow this monster to damage or destroy their lives, even when things got really tough. 

Anyone who has gone through cancer or loved someone through cancer, knows there are good days and bad days and sometimes those bad days are really, really bad. There are doctors appointments and specialists that often require travel to see, and through it all, the disease can become the focal point of your life. Cancer just seems to take control, and yet through sheer willpower and determination, Jeff and Stephanie fought cancer like champs and somehow continued to live their lives even in the throes of battle. They took vacations, family photos, celebrated holidays, coached sports and shared life, made memories with their kids, and shared laughter and love with family and friends. 

Jeff lived fearlessly and touched lives with his faith and indomitable spirit. Never did you see a picture that he wasn't smiling in and never did you read a post that gratitude for the life he had and all that he had been given wasn't in every word. Rather than let cancer consume him and make him bitter, he used it as a gift to spur on faith in others and motivate both old and young with the knowledge that even a disease like cancer only has power over us, if we allow it power. He never once gave it power. 

Cancer, though it may only strike one in the family, is very much a family disease. Stephanie, being an oncology nurse, remained hopeful but realistic. Her posts gave a candid look into her world.  She was holding on for dear life to her husband, her family, and her future, and yet, being the faith-filled woman she is, she was also very aware that their hope might not be God's will. Because of this reality, she at times posted some of the most real and moving posts I have ever read, acknowledging both the emotional trials she was going through and yet the gratitude and faith that she never lost sight of. 

One such post was just months into the cancer diagnosis when she said, "This season is one of the toughest of all times. Sometimes it can feel lonely and heavy, but I know I have a wonderful tribe of women in my life that are always checking in and willing to help carry a few bricks. I've never been good at accepting help, but I'm so thankful for these women- they get me, and they show up even when I try to push them away." 

On Jan. 1, 2020, Stephanie wrote a beautiful post about her blessings. She refused to focus on anything but the good and gave a laundry list of blessings and gratitude. It touched me deeply and I am sure I was not alone. She was starting 2020 with gratitude, grace, and hope in the midst of what many, myself included, might have fallen apart over. 

In 2020, they added a fur baby to their family and continued fighting. Stephanie shared the occasional update on Jeff's health but more often than not, their posts were full of them living their lives, experiencing milestones, and enjoying the life they had as a family. 

Through the entire ordeal, Jeff and Stephanie lived their cancer truth out loud and their kids, even as young as they are, were aware of what was going on. I think one of the most poignant posts I ever saw, was in August 2020, from Stephanie who had shared a picture of their huge backyard, and their 7-year-old son mowing it with a push mower. Her post began, "The lines in our yard use to be straight. Jeff's a perfectionist at heart, and the straight lines he made in the yard reflected just that. 

Today, I cried over crooked lines. I cried because this 7 year old volunteered to mow the lawn for his dad. Our yard is no small task, but he mowed every single line and pushed up both sides of the house against those dreadful hills." 

I couldn't help but stare at the picture of that small figure in that big yard. That young man was learning some of lifes toughest lessons at such an early age. That is likely one moment in his life that he will never forget. 

In November of 2020, Stephanie shared fall family photos they had done. As I looked at those beautiful, amazing photos, I couldn't help the tears that snuck out and traveled down my face. There was something so beautiful about each of them. They were precious memories caught in a perfect moment. Something told me deep in my heart that these photos above all the other photos they had shared over time, would always hold a special place in all their hearts. 

Through the holidays, I had not seen many posts from Stephanie. I figured that like everyone else, it was a busy time. I truly hoped that no news might mean something positive. 

On February 19, 2021, a post from Stephanie caught my attention and made my heart sink. The news was not good. The tumor was continuing to grow and essentially they had run out of good choices. Jeff was on a new medication and they were just praying that it would stop the growth. Stephanies final words on the post were, "We knew this was going to be a bumpy road and at some point, we may find ourselves in unchartered waters. It's frightening, and I keep telling myself it's not supposed to be like this, but I know we're not done here, this battle's not over- we're not giving up Hope, and we'll continue to stand on His promise.... and that's my promise to them."

The faith she had. The faith she shared. The faith they had together. I was in awe. 

On April 5, 2021, I held back tears once again. Stephanie shared a picture of a smiling Jeff holding both his children when their youngest was born. You could just tell that next to being Stephanie's husband, being a dad was his favorite thing in life. His face was beaming. Stephanie's post stated, "I experienced one of the most heartbreaking moments as a parent yesterday. Individually, I had to tell my children that their daddy will be transitioning to heaven soon. Those heart-rendered faces are forever etched into my brain. They're fighters, and I pray that one day they find that special kind of perspective on life, that only comes from such heartache. Starting today, we're signing onto hospice. We've finished the course, we've kept the faith and as Jeff told Dr. Truong 'we won'.

She ended it by saying, "I'm heartbroken, but I'll continue to search out the blessings in these raindrops. It's going to be 'okay', even if it's not the okay we wanted...." 

Oh those last words! I cried like a baby.  

On April 27, 2021, Stephanie's post began, "Jeff took his final breaths last night. He crossed over to his heavenly body- no more cancer and no more pain. He WON." 

Even now as I read those words, the tears flow. Having lost my own husband, my own best friend, and the one I planned to grow old with twenty years prior, I knew the pain and sadness she was feeling and her words in the midst of all that pain, literally took my breath away. 

In the days and weeks that followed, there was an outpouring of love for Stephanie and the kids and so many beautiful memorials and memories of and for Jeff. His strength and his faith while fighting such an uncompromising and evil opponent touched so many lives and the lessons he taught about strength through adversity and never giving up, will stay with so many for the rest of their lives. In my mind though, the most important lesson he taught, was to his own children. He showed them that life isn't always easy or fair, and sometimes life doesn't go our way, but through it all, you can always find joy, peace and so many things to be grateful for, and in the end, he taught them to both live and die with grace and dignity in the acceptance of God's will. 

On June 14, 2021, nearly two months after Jeff died, Stephanie made this post. 

"I read something the other day that said ‘True Joy is found in the release’… read that again. It’s powerful and it’s real, and my heart needed to read it.

I returned to work a few weeks ago, and my heart needed that too. For me, a large part of my identity is in the release. It's giving back and helping others, but also on a more simple scale- it's holding the door for someone, providing a compliment to a stranger, taking a phone call in the middle of the night, or just providing a shoulder to someone in need. I'm not saying it's the same for everyone, but part of my Joy comes from sharing it with others.

Someone asked me the other day if I planned to share my journey with grief. I'm not sure my perspective will be helpful to anyone because I think we all carry it differently, but I'm willing to share and be vulnerable in the hope that maybe it will help someone.

So the truth is, I ended up on my kitchen floor Friday afternoon crying, because I simply came across a picture of Jeff from a year ago. It crumbled me. I let that wave hit me and hit me again, and you know what happened?.... I eventually got up.

Often times I find myself trying to validate my feelings, but I'm learning there is no right or wrong. When you're standing in the ocean you can't stop a wave. All you can do is ride it out and know that it won't last forever.

I realize that a part of me went with him and throughout this new journey comes finding that part of myself again. My goals and perspective have shifted slightly. The success and future of my family is now solely on my shoulders. I'll probably end up on my kitchen floor a few more times, but I promise you I will keep getting up and moving forward.

Maybe that's also part of the release though... going forward towards things that provide fulfillment, happiness, opportunity- but doing so unapologetically. God's going to lead our hearts down the path he's created for us... we're faithful, ready, and all in.

Whatever it is that's weighing you down, find a way to put it back into the world... and see what goodness might just come your way."

As I read this, it struck me so deeply. It was in that moment, that I just knew that this story had to be told for others outside our little town and outside Stephanie and Jeff's close-knit circle of loved ones and friends to read. I knew how deeply Jeff's story had affected me. It was a story of strength and determination with undoubting faith that in the end, he would win. He did. But moreover, this is also a love story. It is the story of a love so strong and a faith so deep that even when the ending wasn't what Stephanie had hoped for, she still found the grace to be grateful for the life she shared with Jeff and their kids.

Loss is never easy and when you lose the one you were supposed to grow old with, sometimes the pain is excruciating, but to see beyond the pain and to keep taking those next steps forward into unchartered territory takes a strength and faith that not everyone understands.

I am extremely grateful and honored that Stephanie allowed me to tell her story and to share her journey with you. It is my hope, that through Stephanie's words and the life she has lived and continues to live today, that she may give someone else the strength they need to keep the faith, to hold on to hope, and to fully understand, that even in our darkest hours......God always gives us light.

A Prayer, Perspective and a PSA

June! June! June! What can I say about June? A LOT actually!

I try hard to be a cup half full kinda gal, but there are those moments in time when no matter how full your cup is if it has a gaping hole in the bottom, it's gonna be empty pretty darn quick. Welcome to my big gaping hole of June.....or is it? 

June came in hot....literally, which made me cringe as I knew that the electric bill was going to eat my lunch this month and probably through September. Then, David's pool turned a lovely shade of putrid green which resulted in me spending much time at the pool store talking to the pool guy and spending $$$$$ I didn't have budgeted to spend. 

Yeah, money has been kind of critical this month as I had several bills come due as well as a couple of extra unexpected surprises. I then decided to stand up suddenly on a foot and leg that were asleep and I ended up damaging the top of my foot and ankle. Nothing broke, but for about two weeks, walking was absolutely no fun. It also happened that along with the money hemorrhage and the injury, each and every one of us in my house, ended up with some kind of unexpected drama this month and there isn't a one of us that likes drama, so yeah...there was all that. Then my central air conditioning decided to start going haywire, constantly kicking off in the hottest part of the day and causing my house to heat up into the '80s, only to have to go into overdrive to cool it all down at night. Now, do you think there is an HVAC person in the tri-state area that can fit us in before early fall? If you said no....then you would be right and even if they could do you think this girl could afford them right now? If you said no....then right again. However, regardless of the expense, air conditioning is something David can't live without, so again....  And then.....there was still the damn pool, again David's therapy, so really kind of an important need. 

So yesterday, I went to Mass and I prayed. I prayed the pitiful prayers of someone who is at the end of her rope and was ready to just let go. I whined about no money, all my bills, the drama in my house, and yes....even my green pool. I asked God for a lottery win and possibly a nice quiet island where I could relax, unwind and feel some peace (not really, but I am sure He could read between the lines). I am sure too, with all that is going on in the world, God said, "Really?" and then just sighed...or maybe even chuckled a bit. 

This brings me to the rest of yesterday. It was Father's Day and honestly, it wasn't a horrible day. My two older boys and I sat up outside, until late the night before, just talking and laughing, something we don't do nearly enough of. I then woke up, went to church, and the boys worked on the stupid pool for a while, Googling options and possible fixes. Because the water was a murky lake green, they decided to take my granddaughter to our local pool, and I stayed home to clean, do laundry, make supper, hang with David and babysit my grandson. It was a pretty typical day and by 5ish, I was only still feeling a little bit sorry for myself. 

When they got home from the pool, I started supper and the boys decided to work on the pool some more. I plan my menus and shop from my menus and I seldom buy extra as we live on a very tight budget. This little fun fact will come into play here in a bit. I was making Brinner (breakfast for dinner), complete with pancakes, eggs, biscuits, and sausage gravy. Just as it was almost done, my son came into the house to fill a bucket with water. I had no idea what he was using it for, as they are always running in and out to the kitchen sink. My other son and my granddaughter were out in the garage and I had my back to all of it as I was cooking at the stove. Then all of a sudden I heard my son who had filled the bucket and was heading out the back door drop the bucket and let out an audible sound. I turned around and the back door was open and the contents of the bucket were sliding across the floor, foaming, and smoldering, and then suddenly there was just explosion after explosion. I heard my granddaughter let out a blood-curdling scream and then the air was full of chlorine gas that started choking us. I couldn't see my other son or my granddaughter but I heard her crying. 

I yelled at my son who was still in the house to grab David who was in his room at the back of the house and to get him outside. I grabbed my three-year-old grandson and took him out the door. Then I saw my 15-year-old Corgi and my 14-year-old Boston Terrier starting to choke and gag and I grabbed them out of the house. At that moment I heard my other son in the backyard screaming CALL 911, while explosions could still be heard going off in the garage. 

The fear and anxiety in my sons voice terrified me as I had no idea if he or my granddaughter were hurt or not. I found myself in near panic. I dialed 911 and couldn't figure out why it would not ring through. I later found that I had actually "texted" 911 to my sons phone. Yeah, that is how out of it panicked I was. I finally tried again and got through. Bless the 911 operator who didn't hang up on my crazy self, as I was having trouble breathing which I am sure was a combo of sheer panic and a lung full of chlorine gas. I finally was able to explain the gas explosion (because in that bucket my son had, was pool chlorine powder and water) and they kept asking if anyone was hurt, and at that moment, I really didn't know. 

Just as the EMS, fire, and police came turning down my block, my granddaughter came running from the garage. She was crying hysterically, and I looked her over thoroughly. She looked to be fine but scared. Then I realized that I was hearing the water hose and I looked up to see tons of foamy water coming from the garage and down the driveway. My son was in the garage with all of those horrible fumes trying to get the chemical out of the garage. I then looked for my other dog who usually is connected to my granddaughter at all times, and of course, there he was, sitting right by her side. Everyone was all accounted for, but the question was, was everyone okay?

The next few minutes were a total blur. At some point, I ran back into my house to get David's wheelchair, and the fumes were just hanging in the stagnant air. There were guys in what I assume were hazmat suits, police officers, firemen, and EMS all over the place and they had blocked off the entrance to the street and then again about halfway down the street. Then I saw my sons girlfriend, and the mother of the kids, walking up as she had just gotten off work and no one had had time to let her know what was going on. The first thing she saw was the firemen with her daughter and she nearly had a panic attack of her own. 

Soon they had us across the street and they were taking our vitals and making sure we hadn't been affected by the chlorine fumes. I was so relieved to see my son in one piece after the garage clean up and both of my older sons had been stripped down and were wearing paper gowns as they had to be washed down as did their clothes. Everyone was checked out and we were all okay. On hearing this, I think this was the first time I actually took a full breath since I had seen that bucket contents go flying across my kitchen and into my garage. 

One of the first responders was talking to me as my ability to be fully coherent came back. He told me that we were so lucky that if it had to happen, that it happened like it did. The bucket opening was never facing my son, but it could just as easily have happened with the bucket on the ground and him standing over it. It could have ruined his lungs, splashed into his eyes and blinded him, or left chemical burns all over his face and body. The way it happened, not enough chemical got on anyone's body to leave an actual burn. He also told me that my other son also did the "dumbest/smartest" thing he could have done. He jumped in the middle of the gas explosion (dumb) and started spraying the contents out of the garage and into the driveway to start neutralizing the chlorine (smart). Had he not done this, that concentrated chlorine could have caused even more issues. 

After talking to the first responder, I sat alone for a few minutes and nearly broke down right there. Seeing both my sons and my granddaughter safe and unharmed was overwhelming, especially knowing that this outcome could have been much different and much deadlier. 

We have amazing neighbors, and one neighbor brought my poor naked son (although covered by a paper cover) some fresh clothes, another neighbor brought us out some water, and another neighbor took everyone to their house and fed them snacks and gave them a place to decompress. I had other neighbors come find me and hug me and tell me that it would be okay and that they were just glad we were okay. There was just so much happening and I was still having trouble getting it all straight in my mind. 

After going in and opening all my windows, and putting fans in the windows to air out the house, the firefighters had me go in and see if the house smelled too bad to stay in. Compared to the initial smell, I could barely smell it and since most of the smell was in the garage and only a little in the kitchen, I figured it would be okay, especially and miraculously, since we were getting ready to have a break in the hot steamy weather we had been having and the temperature was to drop into the high 60's with rain, which meant we could leave the windows open and give the chemicals more of a chance to dissipate. 

Once the all-clear was given, the first responders loaded up and left. By the way, let me give a huge shout-out to our local First Responders. They were there in record time and they were amazing with all of us and especially my traumatized granddaughter. After the responders left, most of my family sat at the neighbors, and I ventured into the garage to check out the damage. From the sounds of the explosions and the fact that much of the chemical went down Davids's wheelchair ramp, I fully expected to see it either full of holes or completely eaten away by the chlorine. I also expected to see much damage done in my garage as a whole. None of this was the case. There was still some chlorine residue left on the ramp and the table next to the door, and I had to throw out the bag of dog food in the dog food container, but other than that, nothing was damaged. Oh....and our chlorine "bomb" for lack of a better word, depleted us of pool chlorine as our last three bags were the chlorine gas culprit. Go figure. 

The entire Brinner, which I had been preparing with love, also had to be thrown out as well as our milk which I was using for gravy. Dang those pancakes and biscuits and gravy looked like they would have been good. Small loss though, in comparison to what could have been lost. 

After my walk-through, I just sat on the front porch and contemplated the last few hours. It would have been very easy to cry. In fact, I nearly did. The what could have beens, and worst case scenarios flooded my brain. There was also the thought of the money I had lost on food and dog food having no idea how I was going to make up for it all this month, also went through my head. Yeah, those tears were right there. Then I heard the wonderful sounds of my son's laughing next door. The emergency was over and they were relaxed enough to laugh. Then my granddaughter came running over to me with chocolate all over her face. This little girl, who had been beyond hysterical and traumatized just a couple of hours before said, "Grandma! This has been the best Father's Day ever!" I just looked at her not sure what was coming next. "Yeah, I got to go swimming at the city pool and then I got to sit in a firetruck and now I get to eat candy for dinner." And with that, she ran back to the neighbors. 

Suddenly I realized that God had answered my prayers, sad as they were, from earlier that morning. I realized looking at my family and knowing that they were all safe and healthy was all that mattered. Whatever had happened previously in this month, whether it was financially, physically, or emotionally didn't really matter. All that did matter was that we were all here and for all of us, the sun would rise again and we had another day to live. Gone was the drama, the stress over money and the trauma, and what was left was what I had really asked for all along......peace. I had peace because the events of the last hours had given me complete perspective. Thank you, God. You never ever fail me. 

As for the whole chemical explosion. Many on Facebook commented that they had also put chlorine powder in buckets before and mixed it with water, with no adverse reaction. Our situation scared more than a few. Luckily, a gentleman on one of my hometown FB pages did a little in-depth research and found what ultimately was likely the cause of our mishap. We originally thought that the chemical reaction occurred because I had been washing dishes while cooking supper and the water was on hot, and the hot water mixed with the chlorine had been the cause. Apparently, though, the water temperature had little to do with it. What actually probably caused it was that when you mix powdered chlorine and water, you are supposed to mix the chlorine into the water. If however, like what happened with us, you mix the water into the powder, that is what causes the chemical reaction. It sounded like we were shooting off guns in our garage. 

Now trust me, in hindsight, we all realize that mistakes were made with this situation and that we are very lucky that our outcome was what it was. Never will we EVER mix a chemical from the kitchen sink again, and before we do anything, there are going to be Google and YouTube searches first. Life just gets busy and sometimes we do things without enough knowledge or care and then critical accidents can happen. This was our reminder that we need to take more time and pay more attention and know exactly what we are dealing with. It also made us extremely aware, that anything from a critical accident to a fire, to a tornado, can happen, and we all need to be better prepared when reacting. Texting 911 in a fit of panic rather than actually dialing 911 was not especially helpful and could have caused the loss of crucial minutes if it had been a life or death situation. So at our house, we are going to figure out safety procedures that in the event of an emergency, we will all know how to act, but not panic, therefore making sure that everyone stays safe and calm. 

Okay, so there you have it. God once again answered my prayers, sent guardian angels to protect us, gave us some amazing miracles. and gave me some much-needed perspective on life in general. And bonus, we all learned a little (a lot) about pool chlorine and its dangers. So I guess you got a little bit of a PSA in the process. Your welcome! 

Until next time, stay safe, stay calm, and NEVER EVER add water to powdered chlorine in a bucket!

Imitation, Appreciation, Appropriation

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Anyone else grow up hearing that? It is true. I don't know of anyone who is going to imitate a style, view, or belief if they don't appreciate it or find it to hold merit and be worthy of imitation. 

Now I am likely getting ready to step into a subject that some of you may feel I am not "woke" enough to have a viewpoint on and yet....here I am. And honestly, I have been living in this world a lot longer than many of you reading this and I have watched the imitation of style and culture for several decades. Until recently, the sharing of cultures, styles, and beliefs has been viewed as a good thing and a way to bring the world and its different people and cultures together, but now.....we live in a very different world. The following is my view and my respectful thoughts on this subject. As always, you don't have to agree, but maybe it will give you a different perspective, even if in the end, we have to agree to disagree. 

Recently, I have been hearing so much about Cultural Appropriation, and I honestly think it may be a reaction to the current state of the world we live in. When we are hurt or feel disrespected, we take our toys, or in this case....culture, and go home. I think we are seeing some of this currently and I find it sad at best and a loss of the best part of educating on and understanding different cultures at worst.  

According to Wiki, the definition of cultural appropriation is the adoption of an element or elements of one culture or identity by members of another culture or identity. So let's think about this for a minute. Since this country came into existence, all cultures have done this. We have always shared, learned from, and imitated each other's ways. When multiple cultures start intermingling, it happens and it is considered a good thing for cultural growth and mutual understanding. 

In a country as big as ours, there are always going to be many and varied cultures and each culture brings new and different things to the table whether it is ways of working or crafting, different types of foods, furnishings, clothing styles, and hairstyles. It is how a multi-cultural community, city, state, and country learn and grow from each other. 

So this cultural appropriation dialogue has just been the latest frustration in the ongoing race issues this country is dealing with. It has become one of the newest ways people seem to find racism, only, in this case, maybe it doesn't actually exist. 

Now, I am not saying that racism is not real and that it isn't a problem in our country and our world. In fact, over the last decade, racism has hit epic proportions and it is directed at every race from every race, but I really don't think that cultural appropriation has anything to do with racism. In fact, if you try to bring racism into it, you simply can't make a good case, because far from being racist, imitation actually shows respect for other cultures and a sharing of beliefs, styles, and views. In my humble opinion, to ignore or pigeonhole other cultures is what is truly racist. If you pretend that their style, cuisine, and culture don't exist or aren't worth sharing and yes, even imitating, then you are saying that as a people, they simply don't matter. Apparently, though, not everyone sees it like I do.  

What seems to be most under fire currently though is style. While I have been hearing so much about cultural appropriation in general, one celebrity of sorts who currently has her feet to the flames is singer, Gwen Stefani. Now don't get me wrong, I am not really a fan of hers, but I do think that people are being a bit ridiculous right now. Ms. Stefani's big sin in cultural appropriation comes from various hairstyles and styles in general that she wore for a while when performing. The style she wore is called Harajuku and, it is a collaboration of gothic, punk, and Japanese styles. The style started in Japan and suddenly there were Harajuku girls everywhere. As many styles do, it found its way to the internet, then runways and before long, the Harajuku style was being imitated all over the world. Stefani, who was all about young up-and-coming style, found Harajuku particularly appealing, and before we knew it, she had a song, a business brand, and a personal style that were very Harajuku.  

Like most styles and fads, time moved on, Stefani's style changed with the times and I personally hadn't thought about or even heard of Harajuku in a while. Suddenly though, Stefani is under fire for.....yep, you guessed it, cultural appropriation. It apparently is a big enough deal to some, to make it to national news outlets and end up in my social media newsfeed over and over again. Why? Why? Why is this such a newsmaker and why are people so upset over it? It makes no sense to me. 

After doing some reading on the subject, the appropriation concern is that because Stefani made her name synonymous with Harajuku, that she actually took it away from the culture that created it. Hmmm....first of all, the style itself is a mix of many styles, though it was a Japanese creation. This means that the Japanese appropriated the punk and gothic American styles to create something that they don't want an American to appropriate from them. Do you see the lack of real argument here? Add to that, Stefani's song Harajuku Girl, basically pays homage to the style itself and my question is.....where is the problem? Do they think that we might miss the fact that the style was literally, made in Japan? 

So let's take a deeper dive here. This country started with Indigenous people, but soon became a melting pot of races, colors, cultures, ethnicities, and religions. Each new group from white to black to Asian to Latino and every other group in between has brought with them specific ways of life, foods, faiths, beliefs, and styles. Once here, they began doing what people co-existing together do. They started mingling, sharing, and teaching their different cultures. They learned new cuisines, styles, and ways of life and some even intermarried, creating new cultures within old ones. By doing this though, it doesn't mean that anything is taken away from the original. It only means that it is shared and appreciated, not appropriated by new cultures. Quite honestly, it is part of what makes our world so great. 

If we are going to talk race here, then let's take it to the simplest terms. If you aren't willing to share your country, jobs, businesses, neighborhoods, schools, kindness, style, and culture with others regardless of race, color or ethnicity....then maybe you need to question your own culpability on the issue of racism. If on the other hand, you willingly share all those things and appreciate the fact that your culture is respected enough to be imitated, and through that imitation, there might be some much needed cultural education, then I think that you just might be doing it right, and there may still be hope for this world yet. 

So there you have it. I may not be "woke" but I am awake, and I think that through the sharing of our cultures, we can only improve the world and make it a better place. 

Until next time, may you find kindness, may you give kindness, and may you appreciate all the people, cultures, races, and styles that this world has to offer.