Retrospectively.....2010!

Another year is at its end. WOW! This year came and went with the speed of an Indy Racer. Years are tending to do this more frequently the older I get. I have told people for several years now that my life only has two specific times of year....summer and Christmas. Those are the only two times in my year that seem to catch my attention and make me feel as if the year hasn't completely bull dozed me over.

I have heard so many people this year say they can't wait for 2010 to end. For many it has been a year of loss, financial insecurity, heartache, and just down right unpleasantness. I myself have lived through most of those, but if people are honest....no devastating act happens without blessings also being involved. My mom always used to tell me....something good always comes out of everything bad, and you know.....as usual....she was right.

This year (as in most years I guess) has been a bag of mixed blessings. The hard things and the sad things that I went through seem to jump out when I think of this year. I have truly struggled financially, but the first part of the year for me was a doozie. Not a night did I go to bed and not wonder if I was going to be able to make ends not even meet....but at least arrive in the same vicinity of each other from week to week.

I grieved the loss of my older son. He was not dead, but he was no longer a part of our lives. He had chosen a life of drugs that I could not save him from. I had to let go and let God...and as any mother knows....that is the most difficult thing in life to do where your children are concerned. 

I watched my youngest fight a nasty battle with seizures and spent a great deal of my summer in either the ER or the hospital with him. I spent many an hour praying for an answer and a solution and had to come to the realization that this might very well be our lives for a long time to come...if not permanently.

I had to stand back and watched friends, family and friends who were as close as family suffer. I watched several friends find lumps in their breast and suffer through first the not knowing and then later for some.....the knowing. You pray for them and try to be there for them....but always in the back of your mind you know that the next lump found might be yours.

I became very attached emotionally through fb to a little cousin whom I have never met. He battled a fairly rare form of brain cancer for not the first time....but the second time. At four he put up a brave battle and thanks to his mother and grandma.....those who knew and loved him and those who only knew of him and grew to love him got to be apart of this special young mans life. When his mother posted news of his death.....I cried. It was not just a few tears here and there....it was a flood gate of tears let loose that I had not cried in years. The sadness I felt was almost unbearable at that moment....and yet nothing compared to what his parents and brother must have been going through. It was a moment I will never forget.

I watched several friends struggle in relationships. The upheaval of years, mistakes, misunderstandings and miscommunication toook its toll and caused in some cases.....unfixable divides.

The worst situation which I had to stand by and feel helpless in, was the loss of a woman who in many ways had been a surrogate mother to me over the years. Her children were my dearest friends and over a period of months I watched worry and sadness, sometimes even anger and frustration creep into their faces and hearts as their mother didn't recover from a surgery she should have easily come back from. She grew increasingly week, ill and immobile and they ended up losing her on Thanksgiving and having to spend their first Christmas ever without her. Watching their pain, mixed with my own emotions over the loss of yet another person I loved did not make for an easy holiday season for anyone involved.

In my home we dealt with mono, the worst case of the flu any of us had had in years, growing pains, high school angst, young love, family tiffs, a horrendous checking account error, an oven door falling off, a ceiling leak,  and all the other day to day minor catastrophe's that happen in the place that I fondly call....Lisaland. On the surface....who could blame me for wanting to escort 2010 out in a rush with the hopes that 2011 had something much better to offer?

The truth is....there is two sides to every coin (another of my mom's favorite sayings). The financial worries and miscalculated bank funds were definitely no fun, but the upside was I had a dear friend step in and help me sort out the financial mess. Together we got it all down on paper and got headed in the right direction to fix that which felt unfixable. I was also presented with a job opportunity which worked around sick kids, trips to the ER/hospital, and other varied family crisis. It got me out of the house on a daily basis and introduced me to a wonderful boss and co-workers. It was a true blessing. Then there was the surprise of my cheesecakes becoming a small business of sorts. Thanks to my family and close friends who were already occasional customers spreading the word about my cheesecakes....and a couple of Facebook posts about my making cheesecakes.....the next thing I knew I was actually making quite a few cheesecakes. Then a wonderful friend put a good word in for me and my cheesecakes at a local restaurant and before I knew it....."they" were ordering from me. It was simply amazing!

Speaking of amazing and friends......I have many amazing friends in my life. This year I have been blessed beyond words. I have a friend who has become my cheesecake biz savior. He has made me a website (www.thecheesecakechick.biz), sent me tools and supplies to help the marketing end and who has spread the word far and wide about my cheesecakes. I have another set of friends who knew that the computer I was using was on its last leg. Suddenly out of the blue.....I was blessed with a new computer delivered to my home. Again....the word amazing comes to mind.

Then there was that little financial checking account error I have referred to. It is amazing what the misplacement of a zero or two can do to cause a ripple effect of bank charges and overdrafts. That and forgetting to pay a bill because your son is in the hospital and then getting your power turned off and a $150 charge to get it turned back on....on top of the bill that was owed.....well that can make you want to run screaming into traffic. However.....I have some very awesome friends who went out of their way to take up a collection for me and make sure all was taken care of. Some of these friends I have never even met face to face....only through Facebook.....but they were generous beyond words and their generosity will never be forgotten. 

Finally in the friend department.....there are those who are just always there. There is the one who fixed my bathroom ceiling when the leak ruined it and who always comes when I need him whether it be a house repair, a new counter top, or to move something in or out of my house. The two who always have my back....regardless of what I do or how I do it; the one who showed up at the hospital not once but twice at a moments notice to make sure I wasn't alone; the one who dropped everything to pick us up from the hospital when we didn't have the car; the one who fixed my unfixable oven door; the one who fixed my mower; the one who tried to fix my other mower; the ones who built me a ramp so David could get easily in and out of the house; the one who takes such wonderful care of David after school; the one who doesn't live close....but always seems to be there when I need him; the ones who live in TX and I miss on a daily basis;  and finally all those who pray for me when I need it and laugh and joke with me when I need that too. Yes....in the friend department....I am so blessed.

In many other ways....2010 has had it's positives. David has had a wonderful school year so far and is progressing beautifully. Zachary was in his first high school musical. I got to sit in the audience and watch my son do something he loved. Then I got to turn around and watch him preform his first solo on stage. It was wonderful and made my heart sore. I was so proud.

I was finally able to mend fences with my older son and watch him start to turn his life around. I was also to a point where I was able to take the relationship with him in baby steps and not throw my whole heart under the bus at once.

I joined both Weight Watchers and a gym. As of today I have lost 25 lbs. and my blood pressure and cholesterol are both perfect.

I made new friends this year, reconnected with old friends and became closer to those in my life who are always there.

Finally I realized just the other day that as 2010 leaves me.....so does a pretty rough decade in my life. It was the year 2000 that David was born prematurely, 2001 that my dear husband Tim died, and 2002 that I lost my wonderful mother. The years since haven't been much to brag about either. So maybe.....it is time for a new decade.....and with it.....some joy, laughter, love and peace.

Someone asked me the other day what my new years resolution for 2011 is. I jokingly said...."to stay out of ER's and hospitals!" I think though....my resolution for 2011 is.....to be happy! Maybe that is a resolution that I won't break.

So to all my family and friends and to all those who read my blog......I wish you all much laughter, much love and great peace in 2011!

Happy New Year to all!

Too Healthy to Insure?????

I spoke to a friend this morning who is pulling her hair out. She is a woman who is mid 40's and never once had anything wrong with her. In fact...she comes from a family of 12 kids who have remained basically healthy their entire lives. But being in her 40's and going back to school in the medical profession and seeing that bad things (sickness, ER visits, and disease) often happen to good people....she decided she needed health insurance. Sounds easy...right? WRONG! The hoops this girl has jumped through just to get covered have been ridiculous and as of 9 a.m. this morning....she still was uncovered and mad as a hornet (which will not be good for those who have to come in contact with her today.)
So why all the struggle to get insurance? Good question. This woman is smack in the middle of her target weight range, exercises, takes care of herself, has never had more than a passing virus, has no family history of cancer or any other diseases and has no vices such as smoking or drugs. With this kind of history you would think the insurance industry would not only insure her but also put her face on all their advertising as the poster child for all that is good in the insurance industry. But alas....that is not the case. You see.....in the past she worked for a large company (who did insure her) and she did all the preventative things she was suppose to such as yearly pap smears and mammograms. And lucky her.....somewhere down the line she had a suspicious pap smear which on further investigation was nothing.....and a questionable mammogram which turned out to be a shadow in the film not on her breast. However.....these two tests now make her too high risk to insure. WTF!!! Pardon my french.....but are these guys crazy???? And she has not been turned down by just one insurance company....or even two, but she has been turned down by three.
In all three cases she has talked not only to the company itself but also to the underwriter. In no case do the individuals she speaks to seem to have read her files past the point where it says suspicious pap smear or questionable mammogram. Apparently their eyes are not capable of reading on and finding out what the conclusion of those tests were....because she has had to explain herself and her results over and over again...each time to a different individual.
My friend.....frustrated to her very core....finally asked the last insurance company she talked to a very honest question. She said..."I have absolutely nothing wrong with me and no family history to be concerned about. If "I" am too high risk to insure....then who the heck are you willing to insure?" Of course she got only mutterings and then silence to that question. And here she sits....still "uninsured!"
Okay people....I get the fact that insurance companies are running scared in light of the current administration and the proposed changes to health care and the insurance industry, but these changes have become necessary due in part to the very insurance companies who are now running scared. By these very actions...what message is being sent?
It appears to me that we are being told that having mammograms, pap smears and other possible life saving preventative tests may come back to bite us in the proverbial rear end  if at any time those tests come back questionable.....even if they turn out to be nothing. Is that going to cause people to be less vigilant about their health because at some point a shadow caused from developing a film may keep them from getting insurance? Are we really being punished because we go the extra mile to prevent life threatening disease by yearly testing? Do you know how many women I know (myself  included) who have had a pap smear come back questionable  or a mammogram come back suspicious both which require further testing.... only to find out that it was nothing? Does this make us ALL uninsurable if God forbid something happens and we lose our insurance and then at some point need to be reinsured? Apparently so!
So now my friend sits....without insurance because she is (I guess) too healthy to insure. What a ridiculous world we live in.

Would You Prefer the Alternative?

This morning.....as I was struggling to get kids dressed and out the door along with myself and doing those last minute things I needed to do which I should have done yesterday but didn't.....I heard a little voice in my head  mutter something unpleasant about having to get up and go to work on Monday (and yes....I hear little voices in my head from time to time....don't judge me!) At any rate...it immediately put me in an unhappy mind set as I headed off to start another week.

As I was driving though the little voice continued to whine an complain about having to get up, having to get dressed and having to go to work. Finally.....another voice appeared....obviously agitated by the first ones incessant negative droning and said...."would you prefer the alternative?" Now I am not sure if the second voice meant the alternative to being able to wake up......or the alternative to having a job....but whatever it meant...it got me to thinking. What did I really have to be negative about? I actually did wake up today and I actually have clean clothes to put on and a job to go to. So what was I really complaining about?

It seems to me....that too often many of us complain about the minor stuff, the stuff we should many times actually be grateful for. Why? Maybe habit. Maybe because we seem to live in a negative world at times....or more than likely....we are simply spoiled, a bit selfish, and we all feel a bit entitled from time to time. If the world doesn't go our way....we complain. It's as simple as that! We are all guilty of it....myself included, but do we ever stop and think where our complaining, negativity and unhappiness with things that we should often be grateful for might lead us?

Yes....I am going somewhere with this.....just be patient. In recent weeks....one of the big aircraft plants in Wichita has had rumors flying about them packing up their plane parts and moving out of state. In fact...the state of LA has been tempting the plane maker with tax breaks and land incentives. The city of Wichita and the state of KS not to be outdone.....countered LA's offer with one of their own. The company agreed to stay in Wichita with the stipulation that the newest labor contract passed and with the understanding that about 1/3 of the current employees would likely be seeing lay offs. Whew....sigh of relief as  2/3 of the workers get to keep their jobs and the Wichita economy doesn't completely tank. Or so we thought!

Last week the new contract was put on the table. Now common sense told everyone that this contract was not going to be great.....but it would keep people working and keep the economy going. It had a 10% pay cut and increased insurance premiums among other less than exciting features....but a majority of the workers would get to keep their jobs. It was a game of give and take. Obviously a game that 55% of the union workers didn't want to play.

When the vote came in......over half voted to turn down the contract. I have to say.....I was astounded. Now I know that no one wants to take a pay cut and that paying more for insurance is no treat either, but as the little voice in my head asked "would you prefer the alternative?" In this case the alternative could have disastrous results.....not just for 1/3 of the current employees....but disastrous for the other 2/3's also, not to mention Wichita and the surrounding communities and the economy in general. These workers were grumbling over a pay cut and an insurance increase.....like I was grumbling over Monday. Perhaps instead of looking at what they could lose by the new contract.....maybe they should have looked at what they could keep. Their jobs to start with! 

While I understand completely not wanting to lose out financially.....in this case.....those who voted "no" to the contract may very well have done more than lose a few dollars an hour per paycheck.....they may also end up losing their jobs, their cars, their homes, and their financial futures. Another thought too is that many whose jobs could potentially be lost by the vote are hourly employees with only a high school eduction. Thrown back into the work force jobs paying as much as they would have made with the contract wage cut will be few and far between. These folks will either have to further their education or settle for jobs paying much less than they are used to.

I realize that to  many there was a principle involved, but your principles don't feed you or keep a roof over your head. This could also cause a trickle down effect....causing small machine shops to lose business, lay off employees or even close altogether. The economy will also suffer with loss of dollars, house foreclosure and repossessions. What was starting to look and feel  like an economic comeback could now be the beginning of another recession. Perhaps they will find out the hard way....that rather than grumbling.....maybe they just should have been grateful. But then again....what do I know?

After traveling through this maze of thought....and finally quieting the conversation in my head.....I realized that waking up on a Monday is not such a bad thing. Heck.....in fact waking up any day is a wonderful thing. Having a roof over my head, a car to drive, food on the table and clothes on my back....are also pretty awesome things....and finally.....having a job in an economy where jobs just may get a whole lot more scarce....well that is just nothing to whine about at all. So maybe next time the voice in my head tells me to whine.....I will remember that other voice and ask myself..."would you prefer the alternative?"

Our Little House

It was small....only about 900 sq. ft., but the day my husband and I first laid eyes on it....we knew it was more than enough for us....and everything we needed, wanted and dreamed of. We had been living in Wichita and both of us wanted out. So moving south...we decided on Derby. It was out of Wichita and both close and far enough from my home town of Mulvane.....to be comfortable.

We actually were looking at the rental across the street when the landlords who were redoing our soon to be house came over and asked if we would like to see inside. In 900 sq. ft. were 3 bedrooms, 1 bath, a living room, kitchen, and a laundry space hidden by sliding doors. It was a alive with people installing new carpet, wallpaper, paint and appliances. It was a post WWII house with huge trees in the front yard, a large back yard, a deck off the (I say this laughingly) master bedroom, a park down the street and kids in almost every house in the neighborhood. It was perfect for the 3 and one half of us and we couldn't wait for the house to be ready for us.

We lived in that house for years. We raised kids in that house, babysat kids in that house, worked in the yard, had gardens, hung clothes on the line, planted flowers, had weddings, had party's, and did a whole lot of living, laughing and loving. Seldom were we not packed to overflowing with kids, adults, furniture, toys or other miscellaneous things.....and yet we all loved that home.

Many an evening my husband and I would sit on the front porch, drink coffee and talk, share and often dream. On hot summer days we watched our kids ride bikes on the street, race each other to the park, or play in the hose in the yard. It was life at it's simplest and yet everything any of us had ever dreamed we wanted.

After awhile, life began to change. We were about to welcome a new life into our family, the house just couldn't grow anymore and we simply couldn't downsize anymore than we already had. Little did I know then, that the changes we were about to undertake would be more life altering than anyone had ever imagined and the changes would continue for several years to come. We would end up losing some of our family, moving several times and coming to the brink of sanity before finally settling in and settling down where we are now.

Life is good now. Our losses are still with us....but blessedly the happy memories (such as the time in our little house) have replaced the sadness. The kids are growing and thriving....and for the most part....I am at peace.

Just the other day.....I needed a trip down memory lane, so I drove by our little house. The grass is not as green as when we lived there. It appears that kids are no longer the majority of the neighborhood and the front door is not perpetually open with people constantly coming and going, but it still gives me a rush of emotion as I close my eyes and I remember our little house the way it was and what it meant to our world and our lives.

Don't get me wrong....I am happy now and I can't think of much I would change...... but the truth is....for a certain stretch of years.....even with times when we were out of work, out of money and even out of patience.......life in that little house....our little house......was just pretty close to perfect!

Sarah Palin, Hillary Clinton and Spongebob

You know....it is amazing when you spend time in the ER with a sick child..... just what you will read, watch or think about in the time it takes you to get called back to be seen....right up until the time you actually get to leave. Last night, while at the ER, I watched Spongebob the Movie until I felt brain cells oozing out my ears and I read every pamphlet available from the treatment of Hepatitis C to Polio....Making a Comeback. Finally....a Child Life  staff person realized that I needed something more to do than trying to keep one child from escaping in his wheelchair and watching the other one flip flop on his ER bed in pain....so she kindly brought me some fairly current, current event news magazines. Now in situations where you are already distracted by sick children....usually magazines full of celebrity gossip and nice big pictures of fashion faux pas are what you need to kill the time and avoid the reality of your situation. But apparently....those types of magazines were no where to be found....so I got magazines with in depth articles on real world subjects with nary a celebrity divorce, arrest or drunken outburst to be had. Lucky me. But being that it was after midnight and it was either this or Spongebob....I began to read.
As I leafed through the pictureless articles of dry facts and depressing possibilities, one magazine had an article that caught my eye. Why? I am not sure. We will chalk it up to exhaustion and the need to read something besides another article about global warming, PETA, or the oil spill. This article was about Hillary Clinton. Now let me say up front....I am not a fan of her politics NOR was I a fan of her husband, but this article was interesting. It talked about a young Hillary and the lawyer Hillary, the First Lady Hillary, the Senator Hillary, the Secretary of State Hillary and finally.....the mother Hillary preparing for her daughter Chelsea's wedding. It humanized her and made her not just the public figure that often appears hard nosed, out spoken and somewhat shrill (my description...not the articles), but it softened her and gave a glimpse into "the woman", wife and mother that she is. As I finished the article....it left me seeing her not just for her political views....but also a human being...a flesh and blood woman.....not so unlike myself.
Still waiting on blood work and needing more distraction.....I continued on, searching for more to read. After finishing flipping through that particular publication I was convinced I had read the only truly readable article in it.....so I moved onto another equally stimulating piece of media. Again....articles so dry that they rivaled the Sahara jumped out at me.....and then low and behold....an article about ex-Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin. Now this woman....I have never really been sure of. While her politics "appear" to be more in line with mine....I have just never really been sure of the woman behind the image....so away I read. This article too was fairly in depth talking about her time as governor, her love and devotion to the state of Alaska, her run for vice president, her possible run for the presidency and her life as wife, mother and grandmother.  Again....a very humanizing article....and very much like the article I had just finished on Clinton. In fact, so much like it that I had to check the bylines to see if they were both written by the same person. They were not. The articles however.....did get me to thinking.
Here I was in the ER and I was thinking about Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin. It must have been my mind rebelling against the little yellow sponge on tv or perhaps I was just....THAT.....tired. At any rate....I came to some conclusions about these women....and women in general.....and sadly....us women in general didn't come out looking so good.
After immersing myself in these two different articles I realized that at first glance Clinton and Palin appear to be polar opposites. But on a deeper look.... these women are more alike than most of us ever dreamed possible. Don't believe me? Well let us look at the facts: both grew up in conservative house holds, both married, raised families, have held political offices, are strong out spoken women and both have their eye on the White House. While the political roads that they have taken have been quite different.....they both have the same goal.....to be the first woman president of the United States of America. While the list of similarities goes on and on....these are the high points.....and the biggest similarity of all is......these two women have fought and won battles and achieved fairly lofty goals in an arena dominated in the past by men. If you really stand back and look at the big picture of each one of these women.....you don't have to like their politics.....but you really must admire them both for being strong enough, and not afraid to speak up and speak out in a career path where women have historically taken a back seat.
This brings me to women in general. I find myself often disappointed by my own gender. Yes...men often make degrading, unkind, and often unfounded remarks about these two women. Both women have been berated and humiliated by less than flattering articles and photos, and the butt of many a joke on late night television. Often this kind of behavior comes from the male of our species and is not unexpected.....after all.....these women are touching a deep seated nerve in men that often they aren't even aware of. It is a primal desire in them to keep the status quo and keep women "behind" the "successful" man. It somehow messes with their male ego and inner balance to have a woman leading the charge.....or the country. However...I expect more of women!
Facebook is a pretty good barometer of where people stand on most subjects and what I see from women is often astounding. More than once I have been disappointed to see women degrading other women, viscously taking jabs with nasty remarks and many times.....going after the very women who are in their own way.....carving out the future for a whole new generation of our gender. While I love my women friends, I cringe to the point of pure frustration when I see women I know personally, so totally disregarding the fact that love or hate Palin and Clinton.....we really should respect these courageous....yes I said courageous women for not only fighting for their place in history despite all the nastiness, disrespect and down right personal floggings they have had to and still have to endure every time they open their mouths....but also remember that they are showing young women that if you hold tight to your convictions, aren't afraid to speak out, work hard and fight....that they too can achieve any goal they choose. Unfortunately though....we women of the general population are teaching young women a very different lesson. We are showing them through our very disrespect and hateful cattiness that other women will not support you. Other women will not respect you as a person if they disagree with your politics, religion, family life, sexual orientation....etc. even if you are working to do something ground breaking, amazing, or paving the way for other women. I really find it sad and a scenario where most of us women come out looking pretty darn bitchy. We want to move ahead, conquer, be whatever we want to be with no ceiling to stop us.....and yet we have nothing but hatefulness and negativity for those doing just that. We are sending out a mixed message to future women that we want them to succeed....but if at any point we disagree with them on their road to success.....we will refuse to support them....and more over.....will bombard them viciously with twisted truths and down right lies with the hopes of degrading and humiliating them. In other words.....we evolved 21st century women are creating a story....in which most of us don't come out looking very good in the end.
But alas....this is just one woman's opinion. One woman who is very tired, has sick kids and who finds Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton just a little more enlightening than Spongebob. But then again.....what do I know?

How I Spent My Summer Vacation

Wow! It has been awhile...but time marches on. School has started, fall is in the air and every Friday night home game....I can hear all the football action out my bedroom window (one of the perks of living a block from the football field).

Life is beginning to take a different shape. Zachary is back in actual school for his freshman year. No more eschool and no more "mom having to teach subjects she was never any good at in the first place!" Miraculously....eschool did work and Zachary is doing pretty good in school....if we can just keep him there. He is still fighting mono and someday's I think the mono is winning.

David is doing very well in school this year. He seems to have adjusted to the transition of a new school nicely. It took him all of about 30 seconds to make the grade school his own. While he has had some hit and miss mini seizures....he has had none at school and no health issues which have made him miss school. He did however just have his 10th birthday....which he got to celebrate with his friends at school. This is a first in a long time....as the last few years he has been sick on his birthday. Yay....we have made it a decade! And what a decade it has been!

Have I mentioned that I bake cheesecakes......and sell them? Well....I do! I actually have played with having a cheesecake business for about 15 years. Due to life circumstances though....it has been an off and on venture, which more times than not was off rather than on. Thanks to local friends and even a few "not so local" friends and facebook.....my little one woman cheesecake show is starting to get some recognition....and dare I say....fans?! So look out world....here comes the Cheesecake Chick!

So....this morning....a beauty of a morning might I add, I was thinking of those old school assignments where when you head back to school after summer.....the teacher says..."I want you to write a paper about what you did over your summer vacation." And I thought about all that I have done, seen, felt, and been a part of over the last few months. So if I were given this assignment....here is what I would write:

What I Did Over My Summer Vacation

What I did over my summer vacation? Well....lets put it this way....there was no vacation involved. I worked! I worked at home, away from home and I baked cheesecakes......many....many....cheesecakes. 

I spent a lot of time running back and forth between home and the ER and home and the hospital. I spent Memorial Day in the ER as well as Father's Day and we watched fireworks on the 4th of July from the 5th floor window at the hospital. 

I began a lifestyle change and found exercise to be more of a friend..... instead of just the acquaintance that it once was. I also finally realized that 30 min. of cardio a day can change blood pressure numbers dramatically. I started on a  road to rediscovering who I really am instead of just who I was allowing myself to become.

I learned a lot about science, ethics, and theology and spent a great deal of time voicing my opinion on all of it. 

I voted in the primaries and became very disillusioned with politics on both sides of most issues.

I learned to breathe and remembered to pray. 

I fell in love with a  cousin who was 4 years old and who taught me that life is short so you have to live it to the fullest. I followed his life as he showed the world that even cancer could not break his fighting spirit. I cheered for him during his high's and I prayed constantly for him and his family during his lows. Finally, when it was evident that God's will was not that Nicky stay here on earth.....I cried. I cried for his family, and yet couldn't help but smile at the fact that heaven had its' newest angel.....who was cancer free (which is what we had all been praying for all along). 

I learned that I have friends. Many good and wonderful friends who have my back, who are there for me at a moments notice, who are willing to push me to be my best self......and best of all.....friends who are willing to stop and say a prayer for me when they know I need it most.

Finally....as summer was coming to an end...I got to actually have some fun. I got to reconnect with old friends, make some new ones..... and just  let my hair down, play a bit and actually enjoy a weekend for once. 

So to sum it all up.....my summer had some pretty good highs as well as some pretty drastic lows. But for the first time in many years....things started to change....for the better I'm thinking..... and nothing good or bad happened that in the end didn't work itself out. 

So folks....as leaves are beginning to show their fall wardrobe and the temperatures are starting to dip.....looking back.....this is how I spent my summer vacation!

Change Is On It's Way

Well....they headed off this morning....and I realize that the number of times I would kiss them good-bye and send them on their way to their  first day of a new school year, were growing fewer with each passing year.

My house had excited early risers who were dressed without being told to get ready a zillion times, and attitudes were excited, happy, and READY for the first day. Of course...next Monday I am sure will be a different story, with snooze alarms being hit over and over again, gripes and grumbles as they are told for the 3rd, 4th and 5th times to get dressed, and general irritation and panic as one realizes he did NOT get all of his homework done and we can't find the other ones leg braces. All will soon again be normal as the count down for Christmas break, then Spring break and finally summer is on again.

Now though....my house is washed in silence. Even the dogs seem to sense the day and realize that change is upon us. Two new schools, new teachers, new friends, and new experiences. Today is full of possibilities and promise for a wonderful new year. For me though....it is also full of a little sadness that my two little boys have turned into two big boys and are both racing to become young men. If only they realized that when you reach a certain age....the frantic rush to grow up turns to a panicked wish that time would just simply stand still and let you catch your breath.

I was almost sure as I waited on the porch for David's bus this morning that I felt a breeze beckoning change. Is it too early to smell the musty fall smells or hear the already falling leaves crunch beneath your feet? Well maybe a little, but with the break in the heat, and school starting.....there is no doubt in my mind.....that change is on it's way.