Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Dating 101 or How to Find a Man in Lisaland....Need vs. Want

And so begins another behind day in Lisaland. Actually it began hours ago and I am just now having the time to blog. So this month is filled with a lot of strange emotions for me. For one...my birthday is this month and this is the last year in my forties (go ahead....you do the math). In some ways I feel better than I ever have and in some ways....not so much. My journey this year...and of late (the whole dating thing) has taught me some interesting things and lucky you.....you get to read while I sort out my crazy brain in this blog.  Here goes!

I have learned that deciding to date again and "needing" to date again are two vastly different things. There is a whole world out there obsessed with needing someone in order to be whole. I am already whole. I don't need someone to make my world...I simply need someone to compliment it. I have discovered that I am a very strong woman....I don't need to be held up or taken care of. I am very competent (there are a few of you who can shut up right now!). I can pay my own bills and see that my children and myself are taken care of. I can make the easy decisions and the really hard decisions and when life turns upside down (as it tends to from time to time) I am capable of setting things right again. I can look in the mirror and know that the person looking back has proven time and again that she can do it on her own and for the most part....does it quite nicely.

So once you know the difference between deciding to date and needing to date, that makes the whole experience much easier. Since there is no need I can now concentrate fully on the wants. I want a man who is a man. I want a man who wants a real woman and isn't trying to relive his youth with some unattainable and unrealistic version of a twenty something fantasy. I want real. I want hard working, hard playing and hard loving. I want someone who loves my kids not because he has to....but because he wants to. I want someone whose world gets better when I smile and who gives me butterflies whenever I think of him. I want the hand holding and the kissing. I want the laughter and I want someone there who lets me know that just because I can do it all by myself.....doesn't mean I have to. 

Yes...I know.....this is some pretty deep thinking for a Tuesday...especially when I am running behind, but it is what it is. So now that I have come to these realizations.....some very definite decisions have formed. With all that I have discovered that I do want....what I don't want or need are dating sites. I simply want nature to take its course. I firmly believe that if it is meant to be....it will be and it won't be when I am running after it. It will happen...as it always does, when I least expect it and from someone that I never saw coming. And honestly isn't life great like that? There is nothing better than the good surprises life affords you when you quit waiting for life to happen and start making it happen yourself.

Never fear....I will still keep you updated on the possibilities.....the thoughts and the self education that I continue to obtain, but I am afraid the dating sites and all that goes with them will no longer have a place in Lisaland. And on that note....I hope your day  is bright, wonderful and heading in a positive direction. Happy Tuesday everyone!


J'nelle said...

Awwww. I love this so much. I love watching you change and grow. It is so nice to see someone not be afraid to show who they really are and what they are really all about. You will find the right guy. Who knows, he maybe reading right now! Beautiful blog.

Anonymous said...

I am not sure whether you are being honest here or not. You say you don't need, but that you want. Okay the things you say you want sound like needs to me. Also, anyone with a brain would know that the only ones on those dating sites at your age are freaks and geeks. It sounds like you found a little of both. Surprises are nice but they seldom ever happen. Maybe you shouldn't get your hopes up.

littlemdl said...

Well Anon is totally wrong about surprises not happening. In your wants you just describe what fell in my lap two yrs ago. I wasn't looking for love, as a matter of fact I was content in my life and being just me and my kids. Then Tony happened.... All of those things you said you want I now have. I have no doubt in my mind that there are other "Tony's" out there. He knows I'm quite capable at most things and yet he shows me I don't have to go it alone. Lisa, you will find it, correction, he will find you. When he does, you will know it! You deserve it more than anyone!

LisaAnne said...

Agreed Lisa. Not only should you want those qualities, you deserve them.

And I am keeping my eyes and ears open for you, because I know that man is out there looking for you too!

Marni said...

Oh Lisa.....love this. After reading this I hear in my head

"i m also just a girl,standing in front of a boy,.asking him to love her"

Sorry....couldnt resist!! But serious....Butterflys and surprises are out there. Still happening every day. And before you know it, when you least expect it, it will happen!! Thats what makes it so great

And Anon...I just have to say that I have many friends that have found the loves of their lives from internet dating sites. So it is possible....just not for everyone.

Anonymous said...


"I am very competent." Face palm! Hahahahahaha. I know you better. A lot better. I've seen you trip, spill, fall, spit. crash, gash, and flat out not get it. But you always get up and laugh it off. That makes you the Lisa we know and love dearly.

That aside, "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." NIV... I CORINTHIANS 13: 4-13.

You have to want happiness and it comes from taking chances in life. You can't sit and wait for it to come to you. This is truth.

And Anom, surprises do happen when you least expect it. I do appreciate "your" thoughtful honesty. But I feel we can now agree to disagree. There is nothing wrong with sharing your thoughts, being genuine and not being hurtful towards Lisa.

Somewhere out there Lisa there is a very lucky guy. He just doesn't know it yet.

Your buddy,

Steve J.