Sunday, October 23, 2011

Learning to Pray

Okay....for the most part, I guess I am back. Life is too short to shove aside that which I love and we all know I blogging. Things have settled in my world or maybe I just stopped obsessing about the things that I have no control over. You will probably see me jumping between my three blogs a bit as the other two blogs haven't gotten much love as of late. They are my way of balancing my life and focusing on all that encompasses my world.

Yesterday I spoke of changes in the 51 weeks I have left this year. Well today was a doozie. Z drove by himself for the very first time. I let him drive to a later Mass after I got home from early Mass. Tomorrow he begins driving to school and work. My stomach is in knots.....but I know....I can't be my mother. My mom was a tad bit on the over protective side causing me to hit a lot of milestones a little later than most. I don't want to do that to Z but at the same time I have not wanted to rush him into something he wasn't ready for either. I hate this tightrope that I seem to walk, but as parents there are no hard and fast we just take it one milestone at a time/one kid at a time. It's too bad I am not more of a drinker!

This morning Father spoke of changes that are going to occur in the new missalette starting in late November. He explained them and the reasoning for them but I think I tuned him out when he said the word "change." I know life is about change but I am not a fan of change in my church. When he said the word "change" I could feel myself turning into my mother and it didn't help that I was sitting next to my aunt. I am sure the wording will be fine and that I will adjust....I just don't understand why people constantly have to fix what isn't broke.

I spoke yesterday about wanting to learn to pray and I had several emailed comments on that. It appears that I have been able to front my ability to pray for years and have actually done a really good job of it. I was told by several that I had already achieved the "learning to pray goal." In truth though....I don't believe I have. I do way too much asking and not nearly enough thanking. The first words out of my mouth to God are seldom thank you and are often......"I need this or please do that." And being that as I have gotten older I see God as Father in the parenting sense.....I think of my own parenting. When a child comes to you constantly asking the same thing over and over again and you as the parent know that what they are asking for is not good for them, in their best interest and could have dire gets old and and as parents it can tend to push our anger buttons. Now I know God is slow to anger but according to what my mother used to say....." could drive a saint mad," then I am sure after 49 years of my constant asking.....I am bouncing on God's last nerve. Maybe before I pray and ask.....I should do a quick refresher on what I have, who I have and what I should already be grateful for. And being that God is not deaf and He has heard my needs more than once.....perhaps I should assume that whatever I am asking for is either 1) not in my best interest 2) it is not the time...or 3) my needs will be met in a completely different way. Also....there is a distinct possibility that if I start showing more appreciation for the many wonderful gifts I have already received.....I might not be so needy in the future.

It is kind of like going to the store. Sometimes we already have all we need in the pantry, but we forget to take stock....therefore we think we are still in need and thus try to by more. I know it is a strange analogy, but it does fit. It has happened on more than one occasion that the things I "thought" I needed....I already had. They were sitting right in front of me and not until I opened my eyes and took stock did I realize it. God ALWAYS gives us what He knows we need. Sometimes though....we don't see it or we think we need something different. Bottom line is....... He is always right and when we fight against Him is when we usually end up really shooting ourselves in the foot. Just like kids. When we know what is best for them and they take it upon themselves to do something different....often they end up getting into real trouble which then in turn we as their  parent are called upon to help them out of.

So this is why at 49 I am learning to pray. I am learning to ask for only what I truly need, learning to be truly thankful for what I already have and trying always to remember that when I put things in God's hands.....there is no safer place for them to be. This lesson will definitely keep me a work in progress for many many years to come.

Happy Sunday everyone!

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